Weather Watch: Huge storm of sass blowing from the the western front. Any Koopaling should be extremely cautious.
Surrender
The clock counts the passing seconds with a repugnant and monotonous tick. It's the only sound in the eerily still room beside the muted buzzing of the lights one can only hear if they brew in the silence and concentrate hard enough.
The clock's repetitive ticking bounces lightly off the sterilizing white walls of the castle infirmary, keeping the stillness from completely overtaking it.
For once, Kamek is truly alone with his thoughts.
He sifts through pages of documents regarding numerous issues in the castle in desperate need of his more…insipid and thoughtful approach to tackling matters.
While Bowser is more vocal and boisterous when he's determined to literally knock out a few problems if he can; Kamek is prone to lurk in the shadows, pulling at the seams, unraveling it little by little before he tackles the issue at its core.
Other instances, he patiently awaits until the problem cracks under the pressures he's applied to it. Then he merely collects the shattered pieces and rearranges them into a more sturdy and dependable formation.
His job as advisor is to remain forever vigilant. Doomed to maintain order in the castle so King Bowser can address more pressing issues scattered across the Darklands without overworking himself.
Paperwork, no matter the severity of the task, is unavoidable. Unless you're King Bowser. He's tried every trick in the book to weasel his way out of doing mountains of paperwork; faking illness, sneaking one of the kids a coin or two to pretend they need his assistance with something important. He even once had Mario call him to make up some superficial excuse.
Kamek never saw the big deal with reading through paperwork.
Sure, it's tedious, painfully so, but as long as he has silence and equanimity, he can breeze through it in two hours or less. With Bowser, serenity and stillness mean nap time and Kamek's found the king sprawled out on his desk, drooling all over his paperwork.
The struggle for Kamek isn't the paperwork; it's finding a place where he can wallow in solitude without distractions. No one in this castle understands the concept of 'Me Time.'
Besides his own room, the infirmary at night is the one area in the castle where silence is a promised vow. Unlike his sleeping quarters, no one knows where to find him and pester him when he's holed up in here.
It's not exactly luxurious, (three out of five stars at best) but it's tucked underneath cobblestone layers of floors and in the far reaches of the castle where the old dampness of age lingers faintly in the air.
The library had once been Kamek's haven. Surrounded by the scent of ancient texts and cascaded in the gentle glow of candlelight, Kamek would gingerly sip at his hot tea, scribbling on parchment, and successfully accomplish his tasks in peaceful bliss.
Until Ludwig began frequenting the library more to study up on his college courses, blasting various musical scores on his speaker to concentrate or he'd use the library as a place to practice the violin since he claimed it had better acoustics for plucking or strumming at string instruments than his music room.
As if Ludwig wasn't bad enough, Iggy also chose the library as his own sanctuary whenever he played a viciously elaborate prank on Roy. He would hide amongst the books and fill the room with his crazed laughter as he talked to himself or his ghostly sidekick about the plans' (literally) explosive success.
The minions eventually caught on to Kamek's whereabouts whenever Bowser requested his presence since Iggy was often accompanied by his anxious Boo companion, Tom, who was an atrociously bad liar, but decent company and an even better influence on someone as hectic as Iggy.
Iggy and Ludwig often covered Kamek's tail with terse and—in Iggy's case—jumbled up riddles whenever Bowser deployed a minion to hunt down Kamek.
They're wordsmiths in opposite ways: Ludwig speaks in a vocabulary so profound and often philosophical, most minions prefer to avoid confronting him to keep themselves from feeling the shame of inferiority.
Meanwhile, Iggy's clustered sentences rashly fired off and littered with random bouts of deranged laughter also causes the minions to avoid him, but out of apprehension.
Most of the minions would like to prevent themselves from being dragged into his latest schemes or become a test subject for his newest experiment.
It's an unspoken rule passed amongst the staff and soldiers, shuffled up like a deck of playing cards and exaggerated by rumors, that if anyone got involved with Iggy; they'd eventually go missing.
Although, only Kamek, a handful of staff members, and the royal family know Iggy's simply playing up the 'mad scientist' act for entertainment.
The uninteresting truth is the 'missing' staff members merely quit and packed up, frightened for their lives because Iggy happened to declare something morally questionable and morbidly random out loud.
Unknown to the majority of castle inhabitants, Iggy was testing the ones who hightailed it out of there, testing their resolve, and studying their inability to uncover the truth for themselves.
Instead, they blindly followed baseless rumors into the dragon's den, proving how easily bendable their loyalty and willpower was when faced with unfamiliarity.
In other words, although cruel, the soldier or staff member wasn't worth the effort to train or allow to continue working in the castle. They needed a tough backbone to survive the work environment.
Iggy and Ludwig had become Kamek's best frontline of defense against Bowser's search parties because of their talents of threading their words together.
While poor Tom, timid and extremely introverted, is unable to bear the pressure of conjuring up a lie on the spot despite being a ghost.
He stumbles over his own words like he's come down with a vicious case of stage fright and slips truths in between poorly veiled lies, attempting to back pedal without brakes when he notices his slips.
Kamek's spot was predictably compromised after a few too many terrible fibs from Tom. Reluctantly, he abandoned his haven in the library and decided to be more tactical with his newest hide away.
The infirmary, besides the dank dungeon or the dusty storage room on the third floor, was his next idea for the perfect asylum.
After all, King Bowser can't add more problems onto Kamek's already overflowing plate and the horde of rambunctious children can't distract him from achieving anything if they have no clue where he's hiding.
The infirmary made perfect sense when Kamek stood back to weigh out his options. There were three main reasons why he packed up his stuff and moved to this room in particular.
Reason one: it doesn't reek of mildew and stagnant air like the dungeons.
Reason two: it was spacious and comfortably toasty, unlike the claustrophobia-inducing supply closet.
And reason three: everyone hates the infirmary.
The children despise the sensory overload of the bright room, claiming the stinging smell reminded them of the moments before receiving their shots and the plain walls reflecting any ounce of light drove them mad.
The staff members and minions shirking their tasks whenever it involves the infirmary is a telling sign they share the Koopalings resentment towards the room too. Many castle veterans like to pass off their jobs to unlucky rookies while others, with heavier pockets, resort to bribery.
Bowser rarely goes inside the infirmary himself because he has an irritating tendency to turn his snout away from help. He prefers to take the far more stupid approach of toughening out his injuries
Kamek recalls the many instances when he had to casually slip something into King Bowser's drinks just to get the big oaf to show up for his yearly physical from the castle doctor.
It made plausible sense to seek shelter here when the entire castle avoided the room like their lives depended on it. When, ironically enough, the very room ensured their well-being.
As soon as the doctor takes his leave for the night, Kamek slips through the door and claims the room for himself. Sometimes he organizes the medicine bottles or takes inventory of the supplies when he wishes to step back and process an issue at another viewpoint or for a momentary respite from his work.
The castle doctor is thankful for the constant upkeep. Kamek and the doctor have an unspoken companionship despite rarely engaging in conversations unless necessary or in brief passing.
It's the type of relationship where they rely on each other without ever sharing words or maintaining friendly interactions. The doctor feigns ignorance when the minions inquire the doctor about Kamek's whereabouts and Kamek keeps the doctor's shelves stocked and room cleaned before he leaves every night.
Due to the unspoken loyalty of the doctor, no one besides the doctor has yet to find out where Kamek sneaks off to at night to get work done.
Although the burning scent of disinfectant is pungent throughout the room and the humming fluorescent lights are far more noticeable without the shuffles of footsteps or rustling of clothing, Kamek's accustomed to them.
After months of exposure, he's grown to find comfort from their familiarity like the company of an old friend. At this point, the lack of them bombarding his senses would be more worrying to him than relieving.
Engrossed in his work as he furiously writes notes about the parchment in front of him, Kamek doesn't notice the door creak open until after it clicks shut behind the new occupant in the room. He peers up from his scribbling, brows knitted, intrigued by the identity of the late night visitor.
Although it is an infirmary, rarely does anyone make the trip down here at these hours. Most prefer to wait it out until the morning when the doctor returns to his post or, for immediate emergencies, rush off to the hospital located in the city.
The lanky Koopa's beady eyes skim across the room then settle on Kamek sitting at the desk. The grin he flashes the mage is lopsided, almost too crooked to be deemed a smile at all.
It's an involuntary reaction, crafted meticulously to form a front, but the Koopa lacks the motivation to keep up appearances for once and it falls to a frown. It's concerning to see adorned on the face of who it belongs to.
"Hey, Kamek."
Kamek never expected Iggy to come willingly to the medical wing. Most instances, when Iggy does get sick, he claims to know what's wrong with him before the suggestion of seeing a doctor is made.
Kamek supposes it's for the best since Iggy had bit the former doctor after receiving a booster shot when he was much smaller and more prone to tantrums.
Said doctor retired two years later to soak up the sun in Isle Delfino, but Kamek wonders if there's any correlation to his decision to seek out an early retirement and having Iggy as a patient.
As independent as Iggy is, he irritatingly refuses the help offered to him like Bowser. The Koopaling prefers to boss around his Boo assistant to fetch any ailment he may require, since Boos aren't susceptible to sickness.
Iggy isolates himself in his room (or sneaks off to his lab) to stop the spread of illness from reaching the other residence in the castle. Kamek is more inclined to believe it's another excuse he exploits to keep everyone off his back. Runny nose or not, the Koopaling is always working on something.
"Master Ignatius," Kamek nods once as a brief greeting, "what can I help you with?"
A split second of contemplation passes the Koopaling's face before he tweaks his glasses and dons his patented lackadaisical demeanor
"Nothing, just trying to find out what's wrong with me," Iggy replies brusquely with a shrug.
He breezes past the desk Kamek sits at, snout haughtily stuck in the air like he's offended by Kamek's offer for assistance. Or, that's what Kamek would ignorantly believe if his senses weren't so acutely aware of how adamant Iggy's keeping his face out of the periphery of his sharp gaze.
Kamek watches curiously as Iggy approaches the cabinets filled with numerous drugs and ailments across from the row of cots. The Koopaling begins plucking out pill bottles and reading their ingredients under his breath.
He discards them on the counter below the cabinets by the sink when the medicine isn't what he's looking for. A few unlucky bottles roll off the counter or fall straight into the sink with a clatter when he unknowingly knocks his elbow into them during his feverish searching.
Kamek winces at the harsh clunking and rattling of the pills inside. He and his racket are impeding Kamek's quiet time.
So much for finishing the stack of documents by ten. He mournfully kisses his reasonable bedtime good-bye. The racket Iggy's stirring up snaps Kamek's out of the funeral he's planning for his beautifully maintained schedule.
Kamek flares his nostrils, left eye beginning to twitch underneath his bottle cap spectacles. He had just organized the cabinets an hour ago and now he's witnessing all his hard work become a distant memory.
He had been rightfully proud of his organization system, too. Although he's furious and two seconds away from launching into a vicious scolding, he surmises something is incredibly off about Iggy.
He notes the slouched posture of the Koopaling as he rummages through the cabinets and the semi-permanent collection of dark bags sagging under Iggy's thick frames have a few more friends.
The fluorescent brightness of the lights above them exposes features Iggy can't disguise with a sinister grin or brisk laugh. Under the intense lighting, Iggy's drooping gaze and dark circles are more predominant, more worrisome to look at.
Kamek isn't a certified doctor, he merely dabbles in the occasional healing spells when necessary or applies the basics of first aid during the line of duty, but even he can tell Iggy hasn't been sleeping at all.
With a soft sigh, Kamek adds it to his mental to-do to bring this issue to Bowser's attention in the morning. Fantastic. More work for him.
The child must be trading in hours of sleep for hours of building time. Once again, Bowser will have to intervene, using his authority to get Iggy to take breaks in between projects. Only for the endless cycle to repeat itself again in a month or two.
Iggy eventually gives up his frenetic hunting and the long sigh of defeat that follows causes Kamek to raise a brow, putting his meticulously planned nagging about the importance of rest momentarily on hold. Iggy has never appeared so crestfallen before.
Kamek decides he mustn't allow this to drag on. He might as well attempt to find answers. Though, he knows Iggy may not give him anything to go off of.
Iggy loves to be enigmatic and irritatingly unreadable. Rarely does the middle child display his hand so openly to others unless by forceful intervention. He'd make a wickedly challenging card player; donning the perfect poker face. Good thing he isn't old enough to gamble.
"Perhaps I can be of assistance," Kamek offers, setting down his favorite pen beside the stack of documents. "The doctor is gone, but I do know my way around a clinic."
What Kamek expects is harsh rejection and derisive snickers; what he receives is a brief sigh of resignation. The playful Koopaling is acquiescing too easily to be defined as normal for him.
He loves playing mental chess matches with Kamek whenever the opportunity arises. It's a friendly back-and-forth bickering contest where both parties get the opportunity to spit ample amounts of sardonically fueled comments at the other without the fear of upsetting their target.
It's definitely a red flag if Iggy is waving his white flag in surrender this soon into the conversation. Where's the mocking remarks? Where's the snark? What about the grating laughter?
Iggy simply shrugs his shoulders. "Maybe you can help me out. Older does mean wiser in some cases. You got a few hundred years on me."
The momentary wave of relief Kamek feels from the insult is short-lived because his age is a sore topic for him. He scoffs as he sits up from the desk chair, back bones and legs cracking at the movement after remaining in the uncomfortable chair for over an hour.
"It's reassuring to know your illness hasn't dampened your sarcasm," he quips harshly, followed by a derisive sniff.
Kamek adjusts his frames that are slipping down his beak, and runs his claws over his wrinkled robes to smooth out the creases. Satisfied by his appearance, he scurries over to the three cots in a row, separated by partitions.
He approaches the large cot closest to him, scanning over the medical instruments above the bed and takes a mental inventory of the tools at his disposal.
He then begins to smooth down the fresh set of blankets like he had done to his robes, inspecting the cleanliness and softness of the fabric out of habit. Despite his bitterly uttered remarks and snide comments, he wants what's best for Bowser and his children.
Kamek catches the lingering scent of laundry detergent waft into the air from his agitation as he searches for spots or tears in the bedspread. After deeming the bedding spotless and worthy enough to be sat on by a member of the Royal Family, he turns towards Iggy and pats the mattress once.
"Sit," Kamek sternly commands. "Tell me your symptoms."
Iggy rolls his eyes but obediently listens to the mage's instructions. Dragging his feet the entire way, he unceremoniously plops onto the cot causing it to jostle and metallically whimper when he carelessly throws his weight onto it like a tossed ragdoll.
Iggy scooches around, attempting to get comfortable and eventually settles with simply curving his back like the exaggerated curve of a question mark. Kamek thinks it is the most painful position he's ever witnessed someone sit in. His old spine shudders at the thought of mirroring it himself.
Iggy appears to be exhausted, stance deflated and slumped over. Even his green hair, usually styled and naturally upright, has gotten the memo to wilt forward like a drooping leaf succumbing to dehydration.
Unable to sit completely still despite his abysmal state, Iggy drums his fingers against his shaking legs. His head bobs slightly from side to side like an imaginary radio is filtering out songs through its speakers and he's following along to the beat.
Kamek keenly takes notice of Iggy's lack of eye contact. His crazed, sleep-deprived gaze darts around the room, never settling on anything particularly interesting for too long. He's more hyperactive than usual, but seconds from passing out cold.
How contradictive. Though not exactly usual. Instincts tell Kamek there's another underlying cause for his energetic jitters.
What exactly, he's not certain. It's just a feeling.
"Your symptoms, Iggy," Kamek reiterates loudly. It causes the Koopaling to slightly jump like he's been caught red-handed.
Whatever it is he's done, Kamek hopes it doesn't involve Roy again. The brutish Koopaling is one more prank away from planning his brother's murder and sending Iggy to the grave early.
Wait a minute.
Kamek glances at him once again, rovering over his features with rapt focus. There's no gloating spouting from his mouth or signs of humor written plainly on Iggy's face; he actually appears uncomfortable as he receives Kamek's undivided attention. He's fidgety. Sweaty.
Is Iggy actually nervous or is he experiencing a caffeine rush? Logically, Kamek assumes its caffeine induced twitching with an unknown variable yet to be determined adding to the severity.
The probability of it being a sign of nervousness or hesitation is unlikely; Iggy rarely experiences such 'trivial' emotions which hamper the scientific process.
According to Iggy's poorly flawed and dangerous logic: you can't make breakthroughs if you're too scared to try. It's also something a moron would say before they jumped out of a plane without a parachute.
"Oh, right," Iggy chuckles. It sounds too hollow and forced to be believable. He seems to realize it too because he sharply cringes, scratching at his cheek.
"For some strange reason, these past few days, my stomach feels…" a pause, he swallows audibly, shifting his gaze momentarily behind Kamek like someone is feeding him his lines behind the partition, "knotted?"
Iggy makes a displeased face at the vague description, but it's clear by his aura of frustration radiating off him, he can't find a better way to describe it.
He sighs, continuing onward, "I always feel hot and sweaty and I have a severe case of absentmindness. I can't focus on anything. I haven't finished a project in days."
At the mention of his fluctuating body temperatures, Kamek decides the first part of the examination shall be to test the Koopaling's temperature.
With that in mind, Kamek pulls a thermometer from the sleeve of his blue robes like a slight-of-hand magic trick. Iggy looks at him dryly and unimpressed, scowling.
He wants to make a smarmy comment, Kamek can see it swimming in his eyes as he fights to keep it caged inside. Surprisingly, Iggy displays a small amount of discipline and keeps his trapped tightly sealed shut.
Staring at the Koopaling now well into his teenage years, Kamek momentarily catches himself reminiscing. The baby fat in Iggy's face is beginning to trickle out of his features, his pointed teeth are sharper and more fearsome to look at in the glinting lights and his height is staggering.
All those fond moments Kamek has safely tucked in his memory spring at him. His little magic tricks once caused the middle child to admire him with wide-eyes and wonder.
Kamek would immediately be bombarded with questions pertaining to the science behind magic before he could properly gather his thoughts and answer them.
The child was always curious, always searching for answers, and always a pain in the butt when it came to maintaining proper eating habits. His unquenchable need for an explanation lead to many instances where he'd skip a meal or two to dig for answers.
Kamek misses those fleeting moments where the innocence and curiosity of a child had a firm hold on Iggy. In a couple of years, Iggy will be off to explore wider horizons without anyone holding him back. The castle will feel emptier without him like it does without Lemmy rolling down the halls, laughing.
Kamek shoves away those sorrowful thoughts for now, wordlessly wagging the thermometer once in Iggy's face, prompting him to open his mouth. Iggy obliges, allowing Kamek to stick it under his tongue.
They wait a few minutes, listening to the ticking clock countdown the seconds which turn into agonizingly long minutes, before Kamek pulls it out. Unsurprisingly, the Koopaling's temperature is normal.
"You don't have a fever," Kamek hums as he glances at the thermometer once more. "Anything else concerning? A cough? A headache? Fatigue?"
Iggy shakes his head. "Nope. Other than those three things; I'm completely normal. Well, there is this one other thing…" Iggy trails off, squirming on the cot, "it's probably unrelated."
"What is it?"
Iggy places a hand over his chest, scrunching his eyebrows. "I think I'm experiencing heart palpitations or something along those lines."
Strange. His heart is skipping beats? Iggy has a habit of putting a lot of avoidable stress on his body. Whenever he has an idea, he abandons maintaining his basic needs and focuses solemnly on finishing his work.
He's passed out from overexerting himself numerous times, but never bothers to learn his lesson. He chugs down more caffeine and energy drinks and pushes inward towards discovery, half-asleep and half-starved.
Perhaps his caffeine abuse is finally catching up to him. He's a bit young but—
No, that's not it. Kamek has heard of this illness before. He's done this same scenario with someone else. It feels rather recent, too. When?
Kamek rubs at his chin with a thoughtful hum, listing off Iggy's symptoms again and again in his mind. The pieces begin to click into place, the scattered and seemingly random symptoms begin to connect with each other like a puzzle.
A tenacious sense of déjà vu washes over the mage. Kamek recalls these exact symptoms listed off before, stated in the same defeated tone by Bowser many years back when he initially denied holding affection towards a pretty princess in a pink dress.
He found it improbable. Insane, the king had ranted angrily when Kamek meekly suggested it to him. Until Bowser realized the odds of falling in love with an enemy princess weren't as crazy as he thought and Kamek had been right all along.
And the more recent occurrence of this supposed sickness came in the form of a flustered Junior due to a new child entering his class and giving him a 'weird feeling' in the pit of his tummy whenever they giggled at his jokes.
Kamek quickly surmises he won't find the answer to Iggy's sickness in a medical book. He's tackling this issue at the wrong angle. With how antsy Iggy appears and the lack of more concerning symptoms, the cause of an actual sickness is highly unlikely.
Symptoms such as these are brought on by infatuation and crushes. The fact the genius cannot deduce his own sickness is another obvious sign it's out of his realm of knowledge. Except there's a conspicuous contradiction.
As far as Kamek knows, Iggy has never shown an interest in anyone before. Kamek has never had to scold him and wack him upside the head for being inappropriate with his wandering stare like Roy and Larry or flick his snout for making questionable passing comments like Bowser.
Iggy often claims such trivial things are a waste of his energy with an air of finality. It's a topic he despises listening to or talking about. No one at the dinner table bothers to ask him about the possibility of a relationship because they all know the answer.
Unless? Unless… Iggy's finally found someone who makes his heart speed up a little faster. Someone who brings color to his cheeks at a mere thought and makes his heart skip a beat or two
But… who? What type of being can catch the disinterested eyes of Iggy Koopa?
A machine? A supermodel? An android supermodel?
To prove Kamek's assumptions correct, he has to start digging around Iggy's usually impenetrable barriers. The mage needs to breach this topic cautiously and inconspicuously pull away the layers piece by piece.
He needs to ask something ambiguous, and appear perfectly ignorant. He doesn't want Iggy to easily catch onto his insinuations.
With how fidgety and distracted Iggy appears, it might not be as difficult to sneak past the genius' conscientiously placed defenses.
Kamek clears his throat to catch the Koopaling's roaming eyes. "Does your heart perhaps speed up a bit faster without any known cause?"
"Yeah?" Iggy averts his gaze at this, scratching at his arm. "Sometimes. I cut caffeine from my diet and it keeps happening anyways."
This completely rules out Kamek's first theory of caffeine being the underlying issue. Iggy's disquietude is his own doing. It's not stemming from an outside source, but from his own consciousness. The lack of sleep simply amplifies it.
"Do you often find yourself stuttering or forgetting your words?" Kamek asks, tapping the end of the thermometer against his chin.
"Uh, yeah."
"Have you crafted any theories as to why?"
Surely, Iggy cannot be that out-of-the-loop with what's happening to him. The 'talk' Bowser and Kamek had made a detached Iggy sit through three years ago had described the 'butterflies in your stomach feeling' and 'random bouts of sweating.'
At the time, Iggy had scornfully disregarded such notions, claiming he'd never become a mindless moron like some of his brothers before him. Right now, Iggy's eyes grow suspiciously wider before he laughs it off, accompanied by a pathetic excuse for a shrug.
"N-nope." His voice cracks. He plays it off with another breathy expel of air disguised as a brief chuckle. He runs an unsteady hand through his sagging hair, grimacing when his fingers snag on a knot.
Cautiously, he removes his fingers from his matted hair and twiddles his thumbs on his lap. Again, direct eye contact is a scarcity and he rotates his head away from Kamek, seemingly uninterested.
"I've run a few tests and they've come up with nothing particularly concerning. Just that I'm underweight and borderline dehydrated."
Kamek directs a skeptical and unwavering stare towards him, brow quirked. His weight issues were always a problem with him, that's plausible and believable results, but can the boy be this dense?
Surely not, he must have an inkling of what's wrong with him. Especially since Iggy is quite determined to not turn his head towards Kamek, suddenly preoccupied with staring vacantly at the plain walls.
Iggy clenches and unclenches his hands, shoulders slightly shifting the longer Kamek refuses to back down. It's apparent he's regretting Kamek's offer right now. His twitching legs are telling signs that he wants to run out of here and never come back.
At this moment, Iggy is as transparent as a freshly cleaned glass window. He's clearly lying and Kamek knows it. Now… if Kamek could get him to slip even slightly.
"And no nausea?" Kamek prods, monotonously. If he appears unaware, Iggy may further drop his guard. A brief moment of relief crosses Iggy's face before his expression flattens.
Iggy rapidly shakes his head. "Nope."
"Or dizziness?"
"No."
"Any stomach pain besides it feeling constricted?"
"No."
"Loss of appetite?"
"No."
"I see." Kamek clicks his tongue. It's now or never. "What's their name, Master Iggy?"
"Toadette."
Oh! Kamek actually jumps as he hits a perfect bullseye, scrambling to gather his surprise from off the floor along with his jaw. The plastic thermometer in his hand falls to the tiled floor, going completely ignored.
The target's slumped composure straightens like he's been electrocuted. Iggy eyes grow impossibly wider and he gawks rudely at him, mouth agape in horror. For the first time ever, Kamek witnesses Iggy's face tint a rosy pink out of sheer embarrassment.
"Wait, I mean—" Iggy cackles, wobbly. His stare careens nervously towards the tiled floor. "Ignore that, I'm just being crazy. Haha…"
Kamek chuckles triumphantly, patting his knee, pulling Iggy's wandering attention back to him. "I've figured out what ails you: you're lovesick. You aren't usually gullible enough to fall for such word schemes. You are quite off your game."
"This isn't possible," Iggy spits out his words like he's disgusted by the thought. "I don't get lovesick! I don't get crushes. That's Larry and Roy!"
"No one is completely immune to love, Master Iggy," Kamek smirks as he says this extremely cheesy and cliché line out loud. It's straight out of a romantic comedy he had just recently watched about a Koopa and a Goomba—
Oops. He's getting off topic.
He's greatly enjoying Iggy squirming more than any movies he's ever watched and it shows. Kamek rubs his chin thoughtfully, playing up the theatrics of the moment.
"Miss Toadette is quite cute. She's headstrong and smart, I can see why she's stolen your heart." He leans in closer towards Iggy, gauging his reaction at his comment with a wicked grin stretched across his jubilant face.
He observes a particular line of sweat trickle down Iggy's creased forehead and the rosy flush in his cheeks he had witnessed moments before returns in full force. Iggy attempts to vainly deny its existence with a breathy laugh. Poor kid, it doesn't do a thing.
Kamek watches in amazement as the vibrant red of Iggy's cheeks spread, overtaking the entirety of his face. He's flushed a warm scarlet, drenched in a nervous layer of sweat; Bowser would never believe Kamek if he spilled the this tantalizing information during one of their routine meetings.
Bowser calls it a mandatory briefing like Kamek is constantly involved in some covert mission, while Kamek calls it gossiping. The details passed along tend to be rather juicy; like the new cook dating one of the more timid maids. Iggy having a crush on someone would cause quite the commotion.
The Koopaling swallows audibly, reeling his head backwards to gain some distance between him and Kamek. Kamek finds his pathetic retreat humorous, eyes glinting with mirth.
"Y-you're crazy," Iggy mumbles, poorly stuttering over his lines.
Oh dear. The poor boy has it bad. He has no idea how deep he's in. It's like he's slowly approaching the pointy tip of an iceberg. Instead of changing course, he ignorantly shrugs off its size while the chilly water hides the monstrosity underneath the surface.
Now that Iggy's beginning to recognize his feelings, being in Toadette's presence may give him an extreme case of awkwardness. Or worse; a mini heart attack.
Kamek hopes to be in the same vicinity whenever she pops in for a visit to the castle again. He will be bringing popcorn and his own seat to the show.
They do have a meeting in the Mushroom Kingdom in a few weeks, perhaps Bowser will drag his kids along for the trip. Maybe Kamek can suggest it briefly in passing.
"The only thing you seem to have is a bad case of denial." Kamek smirks, tweaking his lenses. "I've never seen you so flustered. It is quite a sight, I must admit."
Iggy folds his arms over his chest, glowering at the mage and his proud display of complacency.
"You're senile, Kamek. I think it's time we put you into a home," Iggy retorts icily.
Kamek chuckles off the frigidity of his tone, unaffected and highly amused. "My, so defensive for someone who claims it's because I'm senile."
Kamek sighs dramatically, draping an arm over his forehead. He half-expects a fainting couch to appear behind him any moment now to sprawl his limbs across.
"I thought I would never see the day Ignatius Koopa would hold infatuation for another living being. And on the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom's young ward? Unthinkable."
Another round of laughter Kamek fails at keeping down interrupts his next set of words. Which quickly morphs into full on cackling. He hunches over, wheezing out air.
The hilarity of the situation rattles his old funny bone and pleasantly burns his lungs. He collects himself when he smells the foreboding scent of sulfur, radiating off the Koopaling in threatening droves.
Kamek wipes a stray tear from his eye and heaves out a sigh, patting Iggy's knee. He casts his gaze to the ceiling where he sends a grin towards the unseen stars above as Iggy grumbles about 'personal space' and 'senile old men.'
"Love works in mysterious ways," Kamek says wistfully. "It is quite ironic that your first crush is on a former enemy."
"She's not my—" Iggy growls, arms spread wide. Smoke sinks from in between clenched teeth and disperses in puffs from his nostrils. He cannot deny it. He folds his arms tightly, lips pursed. "I'm glad my suffering is hilarious. Now how do I get rid of it?"
Get rid of it? Iggy sounds so naïve, it's endearing. The know-it-all doesn't know it all. So adorable. So childish. Kamek grins, ignoring the bubbling in his throat tickling his vocal cords. His body wants him to laugh again. He swallows it down, growing stoic.
"Oh, that's the thing about love: it's fickle. This is one battle you may not win. You cannot outsmart or sarcastically tease your way out of this problem."
Iggy is highly unamused by Kamek's response. He huffs out of irritation, muttering under his breath about 'love being pointless' which drags on and on, transforming into a cynical rant.
Kamek knows he's not being the best support system at the moment, but he cannot help but find the current situation humorous. A complicated, but hilarious situation.
A Koopa boy claiming love is meaningless only to then fall in love with an enemy Toad? Priceless and poetic irony at its finest. Romance novelists should be taking notes, studying the matter in real-time like a bunch of scientists diligently examining an unknown specimen. It'd make for a good drama.
Kamek reels back the ideas running rampant in his brain, pausing his thoughts. Perhaps some wisdom is in order. Laughing in the poor boy's face isn't helping and plotting out ideas for a future novel he'll never write isn't helping either. Kamek clears his throat and Iggy's muttering freezes mid-sentence.
"I believe you're worrying too much. With time, these feelings may eventually fade," Kamek smiles softly, "but sometimes they may increase the more time you spend with this person and blossom into a stronger form of love."
Iggy cups a hand under his chin. "So what you're saying is: I should avoid her at all costs."
Ah, he missed the point entirely, dive-bombing straight off the cliff into the depths of denial below where he'll sit, fuming like a child in time out when he realizes his plan won't yield the results he wants.
Kamek's grin drops to a frown. He disappointedly shakes his head. "No, Master Iggy. I doubt that will work. You may end up hurting her. You could lose your new friend."
Iggy scoffs, throwing his hands up into the air.
"Who cares about that? I don't need friends. I got my machines and my pets." Iggy's posture momentarily falters, like he realizes his own lie, then he shrugs with an air of indifference.
Iggy's eyebrows knit together; out of confusion or maybe irritation, Kamek settles on both being the underlying cause.
"I don't think she even sees me as a friend anyways," he insists. "We get on each other's nerves too often to have any decent conversations. We're always bickering."
Kamek snorts. "Oh, I believe we call those lovers quarrels."
Iggy's aggressive and forced nonchalance is smacked clean off his face and he groans, "Stop it."
He buries his face into his hands to hide the blush brought on by Kamek's teasing remark. It's adorable to Kamek to witness the sarcastic genius transform into a jittery and red-faced mess. Will he ever tire of the sight? Probably not.
Once again, Kamek is stumbling off his moral path to crack jokes. He must allude to an overwhelming air of wisdom and offer sound advice before Bowser gets a whiff of the situation and undoes all his hard work with terrible dating advice.
He hastily scolds himself, promising he'll do better this time. Enough with the teasing, he's only making things worse for Iggy. He sighs, apologetically patting Iggy's knee. Iggy peers out from behind the safety of his hands, glaring at him.
"Whatever you choose to do with these new feelings is up to you. If you wish to avoid them, I cannot stop you." Kamek's gentle tone dries up, turning into a barren desert. "But please do not kidnap her and force her to marry you. That never works."
Iggy snorts out a dry laugh, rolling his eyes. "Noted."
Kamek wishes to say more. He wishes to warn the Koopaling about the possibilities of heartbreak and rejection. He wants to protect him from those types of pain brought on by harboring feelings for another, but he packs them up and saves them for another day. He's tortured the kid enough for one evening.
Instead, Kamek leaves Iggy with one more affectionate pat on his knee. He twists around, picks up the thermometer he dropped, then scurries towards the cabinets and the sink. He begins cleaning Iggy's mess without mumbling complaints.
Hopefully, this will allow Iggy some time to sort out his problems in silence. Kamek can almost hear the gears spinning wildly inside his complex mind over the hum of the lights. After a few minutes, a loud exhale disperses from Iggy's mouth followed by a slight creak from the cot.
"Kamek…" Iggy sounds utterly dejected. Maybe Kamek laid on the teasing too thickly.
Kamek cranes his neck to find Iggy staring intensely at his folded hands. "Yes, Master Iggy?"
Iggy bites his bottom lip. "Do you think it's weird?"
Kamek raises a brow. "No, crushes just happen on their own. It's completely normal for someone your age to experience something like this."
"But a Koopa and a Toad?" Iggy laughs, kneading away the creases in his forehead with his fingers. "You must think I'm crazier than usual."
Kamek admits he's never heard of such a unique pairing occurring outside of telenovelas or romance novels. It made for juicy drama and engaging storylines for years. Forbidden romance is always seen as the golden standard for any hopeless romantic.
Overcoming adversity, fighting a created system, and loving freely can make even the hardest of shells crack and morph into putty. Especially when the Toad and Koopa run away together like love-stricken fools, riding the high of their emotions and letting the breeze guide them.
Those are simply fiction, though. He's never heard of it actually happening till today. Toads and Koopas have been sworn enemies for years until the recent treaty forged between the Mushroom Kingdom and her allies put an end to the war.
Still, in the magical and vast world they live in, it's not unlikely for normalcy to bend or shift and change with the times. Perhaps the treaty will sprout new beginnings and prejudiced viewpoints built from years of contempt will slowly vanish.
Iggy harboring affection for a former enemy is an example of the changes already beginning to occur and it's only been two years since the kidnappings stopped and King Bowser joined the round table filled with fellow rulers of neighboring kingdoms, preaching about the need for peace; if only to keep his family happy and stable.
"Interspecies romances are not unusual for Koopas to experience. They occur more often than you would think." Kamek's soft and understanding expression sours. "King Bowser is a terrible example of this though. Never follow his example when it comes to romance. Do the opposite of everything he's ever done."
Iggy snickers wildly despite himself. The tightness predominately witnessed in his shoulders loosens and his body sags comfortably on the cot the longer he laughs away the tension.
Kamek allows him a much needed breather, continuing to organize the shelves. When he's finished and Iggy's laughter dies down, Kamek admires his work with a fond smile on his face. All the faces of the labels are directed forward and organized alphabetically by brand. L
"Now that I've cleaned your mess; will that be all, Master Iggy?" Kamek inquires, turning to face him.
Iggy narrows his eyes to slits, his deranged and piercing gaze directed straight at Kamek. "You're not gonna tell anyone about this? Are you?"
Kamek playfully places a fist to his chest like he's making a vow. "I am under oath. I cannot disclose personal information about my patients unless they give me permission to."
Iggy nods, satisfied by Kamek's compliant response. He hops off the coat, stretching his muscles and lets out a yawn. Kamek's gaze drifts to the clock and internally sighs at the time.
It appears he'll be here until midnight after all. He supposes he should resume his work after this whole ordeal. Slowly, he returns to the desk, pulls out the chair, and sits down with a groan.
"Well, now that this is properly settled, please get some rest, Master Iggy. You look terrible." He spares Iggy a glance before picking up his pen then stares down at his unfinished document.
He begins to skim through the page, attempting to recollect the paragraphs in one swoop to save some of the time he's lost.
When he notes the lack of movement, he adds onto his former suggestion without looking up, "You'll have plenty of time tomorrow to figure this out."
"Yeah, sure," Iggy says distractedly. "Thanks, Kamek."
The cot whimpers as Iggy slides off and his feet touch the tiles with a slap. He saunters to the door, slamming it open which startles Kamek. Frazzled and with a frantically beating heart pounding his chest, the mage casts Iggy a dry look the Koopaling can't see behind the frosty lenses of his spectacles.
Iggy turns over his shoulder, mischievously throwing the mage a smug grin. He obviously scared him on purpose. "You might want to heed your own advice, you old fart. You look just as awful."
Iggy's expression turns thoughtful as he glances up at the fluorescent lights. "Although that might just be the age spots and the wrinkles showing in this unappealing lighting."
Kamek stiffens, gripping his pen tightly between his fingers. He can hear the plastic protest and begin to crack under the pressure. Sneaky, opportunistic brat.
Kamek was going to let the kid off easy after the mockery he put him through, but it turns out Iggy wants to battle. Fine. Today will be a learning experience for Iggy. The lesson: never mess with someone when you're already backed into a corner.
"Give Toadette my warm regards," Kamek retaliates with an innocent smile to match his sugary and condescending tone. "And please do invite me to the wedding."
Iggy sucks in air through his teeth like the words have physically struck him. He huffs once, accepting defeat, and leaves while he utters coarse words not worth repeating under his breath.
Kamek grins when the door clicks shut, leaning back in his chair, and basking in his victory. Then, he sniffs, wiping away a microscopic tear from under his eye.
The children are growing up so fast.
Welp, this was it. Thank you to the two people who have read this. I didn't expect much with how out there this was. Oh well. Kamek is extremely fun to write and I love Iggy's suffering. Woo.