Chapter 23

Disclaimer: Nope!

oOo

Anakin did his best to stifle a laugh. He couldn't quite force it back and so tried to at least conceal it as a cough.

He couldn't help but think that the Jedi Council must be the oddest assembly of weird-looking creatures in the whole Universe.

Slowly, unsure what to do, he walked into the Chamber and came to stand in the middle of the room. He did a complete turn, warily eyeing all the Councillors before his eyes finally settled on Yoda. Remembering what Obi-Wan had told him about the diminutive green Master, Anakin stared at Yoda attentively, wondering what the first signs of the Jedi Master's famous wisdom would be and how Obi-Wan had come to the conclusion that Yoda was a mutated pea.

Anakin decided that Yoda sure looked like a huge pea: the Jedi looked immensely old and wrinkled – just as wrinkled as old and shriveled-up peas were supposed to look, in fact – and the colour also seemed to be right. Anakin had never seen anyone who looked as green and as perfectly pea-coloured as Master Yoda.

Staring intently at the green Master so as not to miss anything, Anakin silently waited for him to show some outward sign of his pea-ness other than his colour.

To his disappointment, Yoda only looked back at him, studying Anakin with just as much curiosity as the boy studied him. The one to speak first was the tall, intimidating man who sat next to Yoda. Though this dark-skinned Jedi Master seemed frightening and cold to Anakin, the boy also felt a twinge of pity for him because aside from his eyebrows (and contrary to most other people in this room), there wasn't a single hair on his head. Still, Anakin was properly cowed and completely forgot that just moments ago, he had had trouble refraining from laughing out loud.

"Welcome," the scary Jedi said, though he didn't sound like he meant it at all. "I am Jedi Master Mace Windu and I will conduct the testing Master Qui-Gon requested."

The members of the Council were trading silent glances.

After what felt like half an eternity of silently looking at each other, Anakin was relieved when the forbidding Jedi spoke again, though he couldn't help feeling very uncomfortable.

"What is your name, boy?"

"Anakin Skywalker, sir," Anakin answered timidly.

The Jedi were once again trading meaningful looks, as if Anakin's name had already been a startling revelation.

If they do that every time I say something, I will certainly go crazy, Anakin thought. Unfortunately, the Council seemed to have picked up that thought, because yet another round of quiet glancing ensued.

Somehow, Anakin got the feeling that the Councillors were all talking behind his back, though he had no idea how they could do that without saying a word.

Still, Anakin gather his courage and addressed them: "You do know that it is most impolite to talk about people behind their backs, don't you? I know, because my mommy taught me. But since you don't have a mommy – at least Obi-Wan told me that Jedi grow up without their parents – I don't know if you know. So please stop, it's impolite," he informed the Council solemnly.

That, at least, had the effect that now everyone was looking at him and not at their neighbours. Anakin could only see the expression on the faces of the Councillors in front of him, but most of them looked more shocked and indignant than Qui-Gon had when Anakin had pulled on his hair to see if it was real or just a wig.

Anakin almost didn't dare look at the scary Jedi. And really, Mace Windu looked about ready to explode, and only a sharp glance coupled with a mental reproach from Yoda kept him from pointing out that Anakin's mother was so hairy that the only species to fall for her furry charms were the Wookies. What Mace didn't know was just how lucky he was that Qui-Gon hadn't caught that thought, or else he would probably have made good on Obi-Wan's premonition and defenestrated his childhood friend then and there, never mind the consequences – because Qui-Gon rarely minded the consequences of his actions.

Only Master Yoda's eyes sparkled with barely restrained amusement.

To Anakin's vast surprise, the small green Master agreed with him.

"Right, young Anakin here is. Polite, we were not. Look a bit less intimidating, you should, Mace," Yoda lightly admonished his fellow Councillor, "or afraid of you, this little one will be. Good that would not be. Fear leads to the Dark Side."

As if to emphasize his point, he rapped the gnarled stick in his hand on the polished floor. Anakin though that maybe he should also tell Master Yoda not to do that because he made ugly dents and scratches in the shining tiles, but then reconsidered. In an uncharacteristic moment of tact, he realized that he had probably already overstepped his boundaries with that earlier remark.

After the tension in the Council Chamber had subsided a bit, Mace cleared his throat and turned to Anakin again and explained what all this would be about.

"Qui-Gon asked for you to be tested to determine whether you have the potential to become a Jedi. We will start with something easy and then get to more difficult tests."

"Okay," Anakin agreed with an enthusiastic nod. The earlier they got started, the better. He really wanted to become a Jedi. Padmé seemed to be fascinated with Jedi apprentices, so maybe that would increase his chances of marrying her someday.

Also, he wanted one of these cool lightsabers. He had already put much thought into which colour he should choose. So far, he had only seen the green and blue ones that belonged to Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan respectively, and also the red one the Sith had been using.

Anakin shuddered when he thought of the Sith and took another look at Master Windu. For a short moment, he wondered if that was the Sith because he was so scary and intimidating, but then he noticed that, though he seemed forbidding and frightening, he didn't look evil, per se.

So Anakin dismissed the thought, and returned to the lightsaber issue. The boy wondered whether he could have a multicoloured one, one that had blue stripes to match his eyes and maybe a few brown ones to match Padmé's eyes. He finally settled on a lightsaber that could change colour, so that he didn't have to permanently settle on just one colour, and oh boy would that look great! So much better than the dull uniformly coloured ones.

Master Windu's voice snapped him out of his daydreams.

"Hey, Anakin, have you been listening?"

"Uh… ahem… sure I have. Um, what did you say again?"

Mace sighed, and then once again explained how the test would work.

"This screen here in my hand will show pictures of various things. You will tell me what it is that is shown on the screen."

"That's easy," Anakin sulked. Did they think he was still in kindergarten? He graduated from the pre-school playgroup a full two years ago! If they wanted to insult his intelligence, they had done an exceptional job.

Anakin stood there and waited for Master Windu to show him the first picture. Master Windu sat there and only stared at the little screen in his hand.

When Anakin didn't say anything, Mace questioned him: "So what do you see?"

Anakin didn't believe his ears. So that Jedi was not only impolite and bald, he was also dumb, as far as the boy could tell.

With all the patience he could muster, he slowly explained: "If you want me to name the thing on the screen, you will have to show it to me. How else would I know what it is? Duh!"

Once again, Yoda had to restrain Mace from answering inappropriately.

"Use not your eyes. Only deceive you they can," the little green Master instructed.

Anakin mumbled that he was still young enough for his eyes to see everything clearly, unlike some people present. Everyone pretended to not have heard that.

"Use the Force, you must. To guide your perception, you must allow it."

Anakin really had no idea what the little green alien was talking about. When he looked around questioningly, though, he suddenly understood why they had given the screen to the bald Jedi. The image the little device showed was clearly reflected on the shiny, highly polished bald forehead of Master Windu.

Screwing his face up in a show of concentration, Anakin named all the things that appeared on Mace's forehead, his eyes never leaving the dark-skinned Master's face.

"Um, a flower. A lightsaber. A bunch of Wookies. The Millenium Falcon. Playing cards. A screw. Evaporated milk. Spaghetti Carbonara. Dental floss. I don't know what that's called. The KISS principle – keep it simple, stupid! Sorry, I didn't mean you, that's just what it means. An eyewitness. Aristology – or was it aristocracy? Or rather astrology? A high-end gauntlet. Uh, that one's hard… dignity, I'd say. An escape clause. A ship. A cup. A ship. A speeder."

Master Windu slowly lowered the screen. He and Yoda were truly impressed. Few got the 'dignity'-part right, and they had secretly always wondered what the one Anakin had termed 'the KISS-principle' meant. Granted, most of the answers had simply been wrong, but at least the boy had shown a vivid imagination and appearing confident when in reality he had no idea what was going on.

Yoda fixed his huge, watery eyes on Anakin, contemplating the boy before him.

"How feel you?" he rasped in his croaky voice.

Anakin decided that now was the time for some of the patheticness that worked so well with Qui-Gon. "Cold, sir," he answered in the most pitiable fashion he could think of. He had had to take off the robe Obi-Wan had lent him when he came before the Council. It had been smaller than Qui-Gon's but still much too long and wide for the boy, so that it rather looked like the robe wore him and not the other way around. Anakin threw a reproachful look at the Jedi Masters. They were all wearing their robes and so were comfortably warm even though the heating was turned off, but Anakin felt the slight chill through his thin clothes.

"Afraid, are you?" Yoda queried.

"No, sir," Anakin answered, striving to sound as pathetic and miserable as possible - Jedi were supposed to be compassionate, after all. "Well, maybe except of Master Window there," he admitted, pointing at said Councillor.

"See through you, we can," Yoda told him.

Anakin looked down, shocked, to check whether he could still see his body. It seemed as solid as ever, and Anakin couldn't see through it at all. He was thankful that he was not disappearing but puzzled by Yoda's remark. Why would the pea-descended Master say something like that? Suddenly, Anakin realized that Yoda's eyes had probably used x-rays, how else should he be able to see through things – and persons?

Even though he knew that it was probably futile, he wrapped his arms around himself protectively, vowing to sue the Jedi Order if he got cancer from their x-raying him.

The only time he had been subjected to x-rays before was when he had fallen down from the balcony and broken his leg. His mommy had nursed him back to health for five weeks. His leg had been completely whole again after just three weeks, but he had enjoyed being pampered by his mother so much that he had decided to stay ill just a bit longer than strictly necessary.

Suddenly, Anakin realized just how much he would miss his mother. He had a tight feeling in his throat. Anakin wistfully remembered her gentle smile, the loving light in her eyes when she looked at him, her soft words to comfort him when he was sad.

"Be mindful of your feelings," Mace told him.

"Your thoughts dwell on your mother," the alien with the tall forehead remarked.

"I miss her," Anakin stated as unambiguously as possible. He was a little boy who had been taken away from his mother and the only family he knew and thrown into a huge and dangerous galaxy practically on his own with just a fickle Jedi Master and his somewhat reserved Padawan to help him deal with it. That he would miss his mother was glaringly obvious, Anakin thought, and of course he would think of her. She had been the most important person in his life, and still was, really. Not even the Jedi could possibly expect of him to just forget about her because he hadn't seen her for three days.

"Afraid to lose her, I think, hmmm?" Yoda asked, his eyes resting contemplatively on the boy.

Anakin couldn't believe his ears. Losing his mother was the worst nightmare of any child, so naturally he wouldn't want to lose her any more than he would want to lose, say, his right arm.

Still, Anakin didn't see how this should affect his suitability as a Jedi.

"What has that go to do with anything?" he asked sullenly. These Jedi really were none too bright, it seemed. Anakin's low regard of the Council clearly showed on his face, and the tone of his voice plainly conveyed his lack of respect.

"Everything," Yoda answered, not in the least bit phased by Anakin's rude backtalk. "Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Suffering leads to fear. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Suffering leads to fear. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Suffering leads to-"

Mace Windu reached over and sharply rapped Yoda on the back of his head.

"Sorry, he tends to get caught in that vicious circle," Mace apologized to everyone present. "What he tries to say is that fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, and suffering apparently leads to the Dark Side, though according to Master Yoda, just about everything leads to the Dark Side." Mace turned to Anakin and quietly explained to him: "Only today, we already had cookies, elevators and getting elected as Supreme Chancellor as paths to the Dark Side. Try to never do anything that Yoda says will lead to the Dark Side: the punishments for that are severe, since they haven't changed since the founding of the Jedi Order, so they include such things as immurement or removal of limbs."

Anakin shuddered and decided that he'd rather not try that.

Yoda finally recovered. He suspected he had been looking for too long at Master Poof's swaying head again. That tended to have such a hypnotizing effect on him.

"I sense much fear in you," Master Yoda gravely concluded, adding to the foreboding already firmly established by Obi-Wan's bad feeling.

oOo

Edited on 13th February, 2011