First of all, I'm sorry it took me longer to update this time, but I'm in a very time-consuming phase regarding my job. Anyway, as you already know: these are not my characters (unfortunately), and the story has been beta-ed by the awesome Charhamblin (fortunately). And now, without further ado, here's Eric's POV. I hope you'll enjoy the chapter and tell me your thoughts about it. Thank you, Célia
PS: Bon Jovi will be playing here in Lisbon next Sunday night. Now, three guesses, first two don't count, who will be at the concert…? :)
Eric "Complicated"
I drove to Continental Hotel and I parked close to its doors. I entered inside and I saw her by the hotel's bar. And she was damn sexy in her light grey, tight and provocative suit. She had her hair straight and down, and she had added a very unnecessary pair of reading glasses. And she truly had a "sexy librarian" or "sexy secretary" air about her.
"Sexy" was a word that got thrown around often and casually. Maybe too casually. It was often used to describe a woman's clothes, make-up, hair, lingerie, etc. But when I would think about what it meant to actually be sexy, I would not be thinking about what would be on a woman's body. Instead, I would think about how she would feel in her own skin. And Natércia was sexy. She was fucking sexy. Nat was sexy when she walked with her head held high; and she was sexy in the way she presented herself to the world; and she was sexy when she knew what she wanted. Natércia had almost an inner glow that attracted me to her, like an internal spark that showed in her eyes and smile. It was what made people turn their heads when she walked into a room.
And when I saw her at the hotel's bar, I couldn't stop myself from thinking, all over again, how sexy Nat was. How sexy she had always been. But no matter what I thought about her, I was absolutely sure that I didn't love her as much as I loved Sookie (who was very sexy as well, though in a different way). But I did love Nat, obviously. She had been my best friend for over 800 years and we had many personality traits and past experiences in common. And I would always hope that everything would always happen the best way possible for her, and I knew that I would always be there for her. Besides, I was also sure that I would help her whenever she would need me.
And when I compared, I felt basically the same things regarding Sookie. But with Sookie, it went way beyond that. With Sookie I didn't only wish for her to be happy; I needed to be a part of that happiness. Always! And I did not only wish for her safety; I knew I would die if something were to happen to her. Sookie was my life. I was no one without her. Sookie had made me alive again after a millennium of darkness. She had truly brought me back from the dead. And I really felt alive whenever I was with her.
Yes, I was sure that I loved Natércia. But I also knew that she didn't mean to me, not even close, as much as Sookie meant. And so, I would not let myself be caught again in a position where Nat would be able to kiss me. A second time. I would not cheat on Sookie. I didn't want it and Sookie didn't deserve it either. And no matter how long my history with Nat was, or how sexy she looked like, I knew that the last thing I wanted was to hurt Sookie by cheating on her, like both Compton and that bear had done. No, I wouldn't cheat on Sookie. However, that didn't mean that I wouldn't recognize Nat's sexiness. Because… hell… every fucking male in the whole fucking hotel would recognize it just by looking at her dressed like that.
"Hello Eric Northman," Nat said to me, smiling, when I met her at her hotel's lobby. It was ten minutes after 8 pm.
"Natércia," I acknowledge her, and then I added, "Did you sleep well? Is the hotel up to your standards?"
"I'd rather have slept with you, but yes, the hotel's good. And they have a great menu here."
"I'm glad. So, are you ready to go then?"
She definitely looked ready to leave. But that little detail didn't prevent her from trying to stay there. And why? To have sex with me. And how did she show me that that was what she wanted? By moving her hand. To where? Towards my trousers. And right there, in the middle of the hotel's lobby and bar. But she had been smiling her sexy smile, and so I had known what she was going to do, even before she tried it. And, quicker than her, I managed to prevent her hand from touching me. I grabbed her wrist and only let it go when her hand was way above my waist.
"Come on Nat, I can see you're already dressed to leave. So, let's go," I told her.
"Don't be a spoiler. It's still early; let's stay just for a while," she answered.
I didn't want to stay. We hadn't agreed to it. So I just told her that Sookie was expecting us and I didn't want to have her waiting for us. Nat completely disregarded my mention of Sookie and she kept trying to make me stay there, at the hotel, with her.
And because I had showed to her that I would not stay to have sex with her, when I prevented her from stroking my cock in the middle of the hotel's bar, she then tried to enthrall me with blood. And so, she kept saying that she had tasted an awesome and delicious Brazilian girl earlier that night and that I had to taste her as well. "She tastes so natural, Eric. I swear, I could almost smell mango, pineapple and tangerine, as well as other tropical fruits that I couldn't even identify on her blood. She has recently arrived from Mato Grosso, and you know how they eat so much fruit in the interior and poorer states of Brazil. And she's also a looker, in that South American kind of way…"
I wouldn't taste the girl, obviously. I didn't care about her blood. Or her looks, for that matter. She could be a mixture of Megan Fox and Anna Kournikova, with the most tasteful blood in the world, for all I cared. She was not Sookie and so, I was not interested. And when Nat didn't stop insisting that I sampled the girl, I just answered her that I mostly only drank from Sookie and that she satiated all my hunger just by herself.
"But why?"
"Because I don't need more blood than what I drink from her. You're my age. You know we can stay three, even four weeks without blood. And Sookie gives me her blood every week, so I just don't need to drink from anyone else," I easily answered her.
"Yes, but why?"
"I've just told you. Sookie lets me…"
"Yes, I heard," she interrupted me. And then she added, "I meant: why don't you? Even if she gives you her blood, why the hell don't you drink from others?"
"I just don't want to. I don't feel the need," I easily and truthfully answered.
"But why?" She insisted.
"Because I don't like their taste," I said.
"What do you mean 'I don't like their taste'?"
"I meant exactly that: I don't like other humans' taste." What else did she want me to say?
"You don't like blood?" She asked me completely at awe.
I took a very unnecessary breath and then I replied to her, "I do. I like blood. But… I'm just used to drink from Sookie. And when I drink from others now, their blood doesn't taste sweet and metallic and syrupy, all at the same time, like it did before."
"What…? Do you…? So, what does it taste like? I mean, human blood doesn't taste metallic and syrupy to you anymore?"
"That's not it. It's just that I'm just not used to drink from others rather than Sookie anymore," Nat was looking at me with wonder while I continued trying to explain to her the reason behind my… restricted diet, "I still enjoy frozen human blood, though."
"But… I…" she said and then she shut up.
"The thing is," I added, "frozen human blood still tastes okay to me. It's just that when I bite other humans, they don't appeal to me anymore. Like I said before, their blood doesn't taste that sweet."
"Their blood doesn't taste that sweet…" Natércia repeated after me. There was an admiration tone in her voice. But it was not an admiration tone as in "amazingly well done, way above expectations", it was more an admiration tone as in "for shit's sake! What the hell are you talking about?"
"Yes. They don't taste as well as Sookie," I answered. And during all that time, Nat kept looking at me as if I had told her that I had started eating fish and chips, instead of drinking from the woman who lived with me, so I added, "You see, she kind of ruined me for others. I just want her blood and no one else's. They are all bland and insipid compared to Sookie. She's mine and I just want her."
It was obvious that Nat was shocked by my confession and didn't know how to react or what to say about it. And so, consequently, she changed the conversation. First, she complimented me on my car (I had a great five-door, four-seats, luxury sedan, with a coupe profile and a rear hatch Porsche Panamera, which Sookie hated). And then Natércia kept talking about her children, Francisco and Alvaro, the whole time since we left the hotel after my admission of my controlled diet and during the whole drive to my place.
And when we got home, I introduced Nat to Sookie and Lizzie. And to tell you the truth, I was a little worried about how they would get along. But Sookie seemed okay with everything and Nat was her usual self as well. I could tell that she thought it was strange that Liz was that comfortable with me, because I was a vampire. But other than the occasional glance to the child that was sitting on my lap, Natércia didn't show her awe at the situation (maybe she had "wasted" all the wonder at my "I only drink from Sookie" confession).
And actually, Natércia even cleared the air when she started talking about Zephyrus, and telling his stories and how he was finding it difficult to adapt to the 21th century. He especially found smoke alarms great (I guess because his own maker had died when a fire erupted in his day resting place, when he was dead to the world). And he also loved liquid paper, of all things. According to Nat, Zephyrus thought that a quick-drying, white-colored liquid that could be painted onto paper to correct printed material was the best thing ever. He recognized the great invention that was the Internet and also the awesome development of cars, airplanes, and even the cell-phone technology obviously. But, of all the second half of the twentieth century inventions, Zephyrus claimed that smoke alarms and liquid paper where the best. Go figure.
And so, Nat, Sookie and I actually had a somewhat nice time talking about Zephyrus, as well as Sookie's days and our bars and my work as a Sheriff. And you know something? Yes, there was some tension between all of us (it was expected after all), but I had thought that that the first meeting between Sookie and Natércia had been as good as one could hope.
But apparently, I had been wrong. Because something had happened. Even though I hadn't realized what. And how did I know it? Because Sookie didn't let me kiss her. There I was, thinking that we had spent a nice couple of hours with me, my wife and my friend just easily talking. But apparently, there had been a problem. What problem? Hell if I know. But there had been one. And I was sure of it. Because, like I said, when I was to kiss Sookie goodbye, she moved her head and made me kiss her cheek instead of her lips. I obviously asked what the problem was, but she just said that she was tired. I knew that here was more to it. But I also knew that we would talk about it later (we always did talk about any problem between us), and so I left with Natércia.
I drove to Fangtasia and then I showed Nat the place, after our recent renovations. When the vermin left, Natércia stayed there talking with a few friends and I managed to get some work done. But not as much as I had intended to because I kept thinking about Sookie and her reaction when I left. But damn if I knew what the problem was. It probably had something to do with Nat, but I couldn't figure out what exactly. Nat had been polite. Well, not extremely polite because… well, she was Nat and Sookie was a human… But there hadn't been any insults or harsh words. And she had let Liz alone too. Nat hadn't uttered a single word against Elizabeth. So I couldn't really see what would be troubling Sookie… I would have to wake her up when I got home. No matter how late I would arrive there. I would not let anything come between Sookie and I, and if Nat had done anything that had bothered Sookie, then I wanted to how about it.
Anyway, an hour later, when I decided that my worries about Sookie wouldn't let me work, I joined the other vampires in the public part of the bar. And quite unexpectedly, I actually had a nice vampire night. I knew that being with Sookie and Liz almost every night was great; but I guess that sometimes a vampire night was needed.
And Pam, true to her Natércia's hate, was nowhere in sight. I had asked her before to keep an eye on Mark Sottomayor, de Castro's emissary. But I was sure that he had already left for the night. So Pam would have been able to be there with us, if she had wanted to. But, as I said, spot on her Natércia's abhorrence, she hadn't shown her face there that night.
Two hours before dawn, we all left and I drove Nat to her hotel. And that time, despite my better judgment, I entered her room because she had a few documents for me. In Canada, she had met Adelaide (the younger child of Ocella's maker) and I was to receive few papers, which I should sign to get my part of Ocella's inherence.
First of all, Lai had had the best reaction to Ocella's death that I could have hoped for. Pam had called her and she had explained everything. And later, I had also talked to Adelaide on the phone about my maker. And despite her sorrow for her loss (and it had been my loss too), she understood that we had only done it because we had really needed to. Ocella hadn't been killed on a whim. He had died because he hadn't left us any other choice. And Lai understood that. And secondly, I had told Adelaide, over and over again, that I didn't want anything because my child had been the one who had finally killed Ocella, and so Lai should get everything that Ocella had had. But she had insisted on it. She kept saying that my maker had loved me and that he would have wanted me to have part of his proprieties and money. And so, because Natércia insisted on giving me Adelaide's documents that night, I went upstairs with her to her room.
But as soon as we got there though, she didn't give me a single paper. Instead, her lips attacked my mouth again and she kissed me. At first, I tried to get away from her, but she kept hugging me with all her strength, which was very similar to mine, and I didn't manage to get free from her. And, to be truthful, I didn't think that I tried that hard to loosen her hold on me. Why? I didn't know. I just knew that Nat had always had almost a pull over me. A few seconds later, her nails, even through my shirt, pierced the skin on my shoulders, making me bleed a little. And the blood's smell worked immediately as a powerful aphrodisiac to both of us, which made me forget all about Sookie.
And soon, we were on her bed.
And about to undress.
Yes, the blood's smell and that pull we had always felt towards each other clouded my mind for a few seconds and I actually found myself about to undress. And I just couldn't understand why. I knew that we had shared drops of blood here and there in the past 800 years while we engaged in sex. We were vampires, and we were close to each other, so it was understandable. But I did not see that as being bonded to Nat. Not a lover's bond anyway. And definitely not what I had had with Sookie. And I could feel the difference. Besides, I would sometimes go years, hell even decades, without a drop of Nat's blood so any "pull" I would feel would have worn off. Nevertheless, every now and then, I could almost feel her influence over me. And that I just didn't understand. At all. I really hadn't wanted to do what I was about to do. But, nonetheless, there I was, kissing Natércia.
However, those clouds in my mind suddenly disappeared just a few seconds later. And why? Because when Nat's pointed (and full of lust) fangs broke my lips' skin, I realized that I wasn't used to kissing someone with fangs. Not anymore.
Yes, I had been with Nat for a few consecutive years, at least twenty times. Not to mention all those other "one or two weeks" of non-stop fucking. I had kissed Natércia thousands and thousands of times during the whole eight centuries that I had known her. But somehow, at that moment, I felt strange kissing her. Because Nat had fangs. And I didn't know how to kiss someone with fangs anymore. Because Sookie didn't have fangs. Sookie. And in that same second, I also realized that I was about to make a huge mistake. I didn't want Nat, and I didn't love her. I wanted and I loved Sookie.
I left the Queen sized bed in half a second.
"What?" Nat asked from the bed as soon as I got up. Her hair was messy because of me, and she looked almost breathless, though I knew that she couldn't be. Fuck. I had come close to having sex with Natércia. What the hell had I been thinking? I didn't want to have sex with her. I wouldn't have sex with her. I wouldn't do that to Sookie. And Nat had to understand it.
"I will not have sex with you, Nat," I told her.
"Why not?" She didn't sound angry. Not yet, at least. She just sounded curious.
But why was she asking me that? It was obvious why I wouldn't fuck her. I was in a relationship already. I had a wife, who I loved. "I am with Sookie now. You know that. You've met her tonight."
"Yes, I know that and I met her. But my question stands: why not?" She repeated her words and then she cleaned part of my blood from her lips with her tongue. And there had been a time when seeing Nat on a bed, cleaning some blood from her lips, had been the quintessence of sexy. There had been a time when it would have been a huge turn-on. But not anymore. And she had to stop trying to seduce me. I would not have sex with her, no matter what. I was Sookie's husband.
She had repeated her words before, and so, like her, I also replicated my words. But I was growling now, and I paused between the words for emphasis. "I am. With Sookie. Now."
She roared me back in the same way, and then she said, growling and with pauses as well: "I don't see. Why that. Would matter." But then she put her fangs in and without them, she spoke again in her normal voice, "Okay, so you have a pet. A strange pet that you've kept at your house for two years, whatever the motive. And besides, for some eccentric and bizarre reason, you drink mostly of her and no one else. I don't get it, Eric, but hell, you're my friend and I accept it," she said moving from the center of the bed. She then sat on it, next to the bedside table and added, "But that woman is just a pet. She's a human, Eric."
The way she said "she's a human" was as condescending as it could be. And she used exactly the same voice and face expression that Sookie had used with Liz the previous week when Lizzie had wanted to dress Nike and buy him shoes. And then it hit me; right there. Even though I had once been like Natércia, I was not anymore. Sookie meant the world to me. She would never be as unimportant as a pet, as a dog, as Nike. Hell, even Nike was important to me now because he was important to Lizzie. See? I said "he", I didn't say "it"; and I had been talking about Nike! Yes, I was a different man. I was definitely a different man now. I was not the same vampire that Nat had known. I had a family now.
"Sookie is not a pet. She is my wife Nat. She is the one I blood bonded a decade ago. She is the same girl that you helped me forget," I answered her with a normal voice too. Natércia had known all about my previous relationship with Sookie. But, like with Ocella, I hadn't told her Sookie's name. For some reason, I had felt the need to keep her name unknown to both of them, so there wouldn't be any chance that Sookie would be mistreated by either of them for leaving me.
Natércia kept quiet for a few seconds, as if she was digesting that new piece of information, and then she said, almost whispering: "But there's no blood bond now, right? She smelled of you… But she doesn't have your blood in her now, does she?"
"She doesn't."
"Good. That's good. So you aren't that attached to her then. And I am sure that being with me will help you so you'll be able to put everything in perspective again. You will see that she is just a human and we are way better. We are the same. We belong together. We are great together," she said.
And at the same time she was saying those words, she left the bed and walked towards me. The "sexy me" smile I knew so well was back to her lips. And I knew that in her mind, everything was clear: I had a problem, almost an addiction, and she would take care of it for me; she would free me from Sookie. But nothing could be further from the truth than those thoughts. Because I knew that even if I was to leave Louisiana with Nat right then and there, and never see Sookie ever again, I wouldn't forget her. Ever. Because I truly loved Sookie. And I couldn't live without her and Liz in my life. And in that moment, I just wished that Nat would leave and not come back, so Sookie and I would be alright again.
"No, Nat. She won't forgive me if I sleep with y…"
"She's a fucking human Eric," Natércia screamed at me, interrupting me. Her fangs popped out again. But this time, it wasn't lust that had made them come out. It was anger. She was being let down because I was choosing a human over her. Yes, I could see why there would be anger. But she better not focus her anger on Sookie. I could deal with Nat being mad at me, but I would be damned if I would let her hurt my wife.
My fangs popped out as well and I snarled at her, "She is my human and I will only fuck her. No one else."
She was already out of the bed now, and for a second we just stood there, looking at each other. It almost looked like a bad soap opera, or something. And then she said with a normal voice, but with her fangs still out: "If Ocella could see you now, he would puke blood at your feet. The way you are behaving because of her… Staying with a human and a fucking were-child..." Her voice showed her contempt and disapproval at my life choices. And then she said, "If you like her so much, why did you break the bond in the first place? And why doesn't she have your blood again now? What's the matter Eric? Don't you trust your little human with your blood anymore?" She asked, with a smile full of disdain.
And… there she was. The real Natércia. The scorning and hateful Natércia. The one who had once been my perfect mate because I had been just the same. But she was not anymore.
"I've offered. Sookie is the one who is not ready to take it yet," I replied.
"You offered your blood? You offered your 1000-year-old blood? And she didn't want it?" Nat laughed out loud, "You're so different from what you were... You're a pale image of yourself now. What happened to you?" she asked. And when I didn't answer her, after a patronizing sound, she added, "Yes, Ocella would definitely be ashamed of you if he were to watch your behavior now. He'd feel embarrassed if he saw you when you are next to that fucking human."
"Ocella met Sookie. He saw me with her. And first he didn't, but then he understood," I answered.
"I find that very hard to believe. She's a fucking human!"
"Nonetheless, it is the truth. And do not call her fucking human," I said in my normal voice. And then I screamed: "She is my wife!"
And that was it. That was the last straw that broke the camel's back. Because then, Natércia immediately jumped at me. And I don't mean that she was trying to have sex with me again, like before. I meant that she actually jumped at me, attacking me, and I fell to the ground. Her arms and hands turned into weapons and she assaulted me nonstop because she kept pounding my chest and attacking my face over and over again. And for a minute there, I just defended myself and tried to prevent further damage to me. But when I realized that Nat wouldn't stop her physical attack, I started attacking her as well.
I quickly wondered why we were still just alone without anyone entering her hotel room. But the walls were probably sound-proof and people wouldn't hear us screaming and growing at each other.
A few minutes later, Nat managed to push me into the mirror and it broke all around my back, making me bleed, which aggravated even more both my and Nat's bloodlust and anger. That fight was way more serious than I had wanted for it to be. I really had to stop it. And so I said a sentence that carried a whole lot of weight between us.
"She's my companion," I finally managed to say ten minutes into our fight. And, like I said before, that phrase had a great connotation between us. Why? Because Nat and I had always seen each other as real companions in life. Companions through time. We had been each other's anchor when everything went to hell and we had helped each other when the world's changes were too much to deal with. We had always believed in each other when the odds were against us. And that had happened over and over again for the previous 800 years.
Nat immediately took her hands away from me and got up. And then she just stared at me. I looked back at her and we stood there, glancing at each other. The bad soap-opera aspect of it returned. But that time, it was a violent soap-opera, for sure. Nat's face and right arm were blooded, her clothes were in shreds and she had broken her nose. I looked down at myself and I saw that I was more or less the same.
"Nat, I…"
But she interrupted me immediately. "Get out," she whispered with a sad, low voice.
"But Natér…"
"Please Eric just… go away," she whispered again.
And so, I left.
A vampire with shredded and bloodied clothes was apparently a normal thing on the Continental Hotel, and no one gave me a second look when I walked through the lobby to my car. I didn't want to dirty the seat's upholstery of my car, but getting home was way more important than that and I just got inside and drove to my place.
I got home just an hour before dawn, but I woke Sookie nonetheless. I had to talk to her. I had to tell her what had happened that night and I also needed to understand what had bothered her before. I didn't want to dirty the bed linens either, and so I just sat on top of it and I touched Sookie's face to wake her up. She woke up easily and immediately started rambling about what I had done that night. But I could only figure out that she was still mad at me for some reason. So I just asked her to better explain her concerns. And that was when she saw my blooded and shredded clothes.
"Oh my God! Are you okay? What happened to you?" she asked looking at my face and grabbing my hands. Her forehead was frowned and I could see her worried lines on it. She looked extremely preoccupied and I felt bad about myself for giving her yet another worry.
"I am," I answered right away.
"What happened?"
"Natércia attacked me and we fought," I replied.
She kept her hands on mine, but she kind of got up and sat on the bed. And then, she asked if I had killed Natércia. And when she pronounced that question, Sookie's face was badly hiding a smile.
But… No. Of course not. How could Sookie even ask me that? I wouldn't kill Nat. She was my friend. She had been my best friend for centuries. And the fact that Sookie had somehow hoped that I had killed her bothered me because Sookie would be sort of happy if I had killed Natércia. And that… it made me sad. Because I was sure that I wouldn't seriously harm Nat. Never.
Besides, I knew that Nat had to understand my relationship with Sookie and I had tried to help her understanding it that night; thought I admit that I wasn't very successful at that. But Sookie also needed to see that Natércia was a long-time friend. We had gone through too much shit together during the last centuries, and no matter what, I knew that I could count on Nat. And Sookie had to see things that way just as Nat had to understand how importance Sookie and Liz were to me.
"I did not. I would not. She is my friend," I seriously answered her.
"If she is your friend, why did she attack you?" She asked immediately after my words, and then let go of my hands. And… Well… It really was a good question. And I knew its answer. Nat had attacked me because I hadn't fucked her. Because I had left her on the bed alone after I had kissed her back. For a second time in as many nights. But… could I tell that to Sookie? Should I? I didn't know what to say, so I didn't answer her. I was still feeling kind of sorry for the kisses. I regretted kissing Nat back. But they were just that: kisses.
"Eric?" She whispered.
"She wanted to have sex with me," I finally answered.
Sookie gasped and moved slightly away from me. She then deeply sighed. "Are these… Are these the result of some crazy hardcore vampire sex?" She asked while pointing at my clothes. I looked back at me again, and I could see why she would have thought it. A few of the buttons on my shirt had been ripped off during the fight and Sookie could see part of my upper body. "Are you leaving me?" she asked too, with a trembling voice.
"No," I mumbled. A little two-letters word, than answered her two questions.
"Do you want to leave me?"
How could she even think it? I wanted to stay with her forever. For-fucking-ever. When would Sookie understand that? "Sookie, I am not leaving you. Nor do I want to. Why are you asking me that?"
But she didn't answer me. Instead she asked me another question. "Did you have sex with her?"
I didn't answer her again. And, like before, she whispered my name, "Eric?"
"She kissed me and I kissed her back," I admitted. I was ashamed of my behavior and I hated what I had done. I was full of remorse. And I had been that way since I had kissed Nat. But I had kissed Nat. And I had to tell Sookie about it. She deserved to know. But as soon as I answered her, Sookie gasped again and moved even further from me. I felt my heart tearing apart when I saw her moving away from me. And the worst part was that I knew the pain I was inflicting to Sookie.
"Did you have sex with her?" she repeated her previous question.
"Sookie, I kissed her for one minute when I realized that I loved you."
"But did you have sex with her?"
"I had to fight her because I did not. I will never cheat on you. I love you Sookie," I answered.
"So… you didn't sleep with her?"
"No. I didn't sleep with her. I kissed her back. And it… it happened twice," I paused when I saw a tear on her face and then I took an unnecessary breath before I added, "But it was only for one or two minutes. I swear it was only for one or two minutes, at most. I just did something that I had done thousands of times before. My instincts kicked in. But…"
"Are you in love with her?" she asked, interrupting me.
"No, I am not. I just… I do not even know why I kissed her back. I just did it. But it didn't feel right because she wasn't you. And I am in love with you. And I am so sorry of what I did Sookie," I replied.
She kept staring at me for a few minutes. I guess that the jury was deliberating. I knew how there was always a pause when the jury went out to consider the verdict. And I was on the defendant bench at that precise moment.
"I do love you Sookie. You and Liz mean the world to me," I whispered four or five minutes after we had stopped talking. And after those four or five minutes when Sookie just kept staring at me in silence (which were probably the longest five minutes of my life), I was not given a "you're forgiven" ruling, but I wasn't exactly convicted either. I guess the jury needed more time to reach a verdict.
"I think you should sleep downstairs tonight," she finally said.
I stood there, looking at her for another minute and then I asked if she was sure.
"I am," she answered.
"And then? What will happen tomorrow? Will you be here when I wake up?"
"I don't know," she said sadly.
"And what about Liz?" Would I be able to see Lizzie again? Or would Sookie take my daughter away from me with her? Would I lose both of them? I had already once lost Sookie. And if I was to lose her again, as well as Elizabeth, then… Well, then I didn't even know what would happen. Because I couldn't even conceive such a situation.
"I don't know that either," she answered.
"You don't know?" I asked, repeating after her.
"I don't know."
And again, like before, I just stood there, glaring at her, until I decided to try one last time, "Sookie, please I…"
"Just…" she interrupted me, and then, after she took a deep breath, she added, "Eric, please leave."
I got up and then I went to Lizzie's bedroom, and I watched her sleep for a few minutes before I went to my basement's bedroom. And when I turned on the locks and the alarm of my day resting place, I thought, all over again, how I had fucked up everything with Sookie. And how sorry I was for my bad behavior. And how I hoped that she would be able to forgive me. And then, I even pondered going upstairs and hell… I don't know… Even try to glamour her to forgive me my mistake. But I knew that I wouldn't be able to glamour Sookie. And besides, I wasn't sorry that I had confessed everything to her. I really had had to tell her everything. And, at least, I had been man enough to admit my sins to her and just… come clean.
I took a shower before I went to bed. And then I went to sleep. And just before the dawn stupor took me away for the day, I realized that I had never felt so alone in my whole life, than in that exact moment.
So? What did you think about the chapter? Can you understand Eric a little better now? At least, he did come clean with everything and he's sorry for what he did. That has to mean something, right? Oh, and thank you for keep reading even after 40 chapters! I can only hope that I'm still keeping things interesting for you. Célia
"Have a Nice Day" is Bon Jovi's ninth studio album, released in September 2005 and it includes the song "Complicated". Its chorus goes this way: "I'm complicated, I get frustrated / Right or wrong, love or hate it / I'm complicated, you can't sedate it / I heard that song but I won't play it / It's alright, it's OK, you wouldn't want me any other way / Momma, keep on praying 'cause I ain't changin' / I'm complicated, yeah / I'm complicated, yeah"