Chapter 30

Disclaimer: I still don't own Star Wars, and I still don't own the Lord of the Rings, and this week, I also don't own Doctor Who.

oOo

A deep frown was etched on the slowly sagging face of Darth Sidious, although naturally no one could see that since his features were hidden beneath his trademark wide black cowl. The reason for his displeasure was the way his usually rather menacing apprentice appeared strangely pitiable next to the Neimoidians because they towered above him by at least two heads. Also, their sickly green colour clashed unfavourably with Maul's red stripes.

Sidious had become bored with the Neimoidian's account of the situation on Naboo, so he had ordered them to transfer the comm. station to a mechanical spider and walk through the palace. That way, he could at least admire the architecture.

By now, he was reconsidering the wisdom of his decision, though. His apprentice did seem unacceptably short in comparison to the Viceroy and his assistant, and this shameful different in height was even more obvious when they were not sitting down.

Aside from that, though, everything was going according to his plan – a plan he had had to adjust recently because things had not been going according to plan, and that was even less acceptable than a short apprentice. So he had been forced to alter his plans to make the circumstances fit his schemes again.

"So the Queen landed in the swamps?" he inquired. That seemed like a bad idea, considering her unhealthy attachment to her wardrobe, which would undoubtedly get dirty out in the swamps. "She is more foolish than I thought," the Sith Lord sneered.

To recruit the Gungans to fight for her had been an unexpected move on the Queen's part – but he was sure it would prove to be a futile one, in the end. Jar Jar was living proof of the inanity and idiocy innate to the Gungan people, and even if Jar Jar was an especially bad example of Gungan folly, Sidious was sure that they stood no chance against the infinitely more efficient and deadly droids.

"We are sending all troops to meet this army assembling near the swamp. It appears to be made up of primitives," Nute Gunray reported.

"This will work to our advantage," Sidious rasped disdainfully. The Gungans stood no chance against the might of his minions – even though his minions were not all that mighty.

"I have your approval to proceed, then, my Lord?" the Viceroy asked, sounding quite surprised that Sidious for once approved of the way he was handling things.

"Wipe them out," Sidious ordered, a malicious sneer on the visible half of his face. "All of them. But remember to retain a sufficient number of battle droids to guard the palace. If we have learned one thing from the Dark Lord Sauron's defeat, it is that a small group of highly dangerous individuals who are seemingly just feeble little weaklings can infiltrate your inner defenses when you are busy crushing the seemingly greater threat with the majority of your army. And then, these feeble weaklings will destroy your Ring of Power before you can say 'Ash nazg gurbatuluk' even once, and all your carefully laid plans will have been for naught just because you couldn't be bothered to guard your headquarters properly. Slaughtering an army of imbeciles is certainly a lure that is hard to withstand, I know. And you may slaughter all the Gungans you like if you just remember to protect the palace."

Sidious' little speech was met with baffled stares and mystified shrugs. Even Darth Maul looked puzzled. His Master knew many dark secrets, but that was something Darth Sidious had never told him about before.

Suddenly, the Sith Master's scornful and derisive demeanour became rushed. He glanced at his chronometer and said: "Oh, it's already past three o'clock? I'll have to hurry if I want to be elected chancellor – I mean, if I want to have a chance at, erm, being elated by, um, by my getting appointed Supreme Chancellor – erm, I mean – I have to go!" Sidious stammered and then hung up abruptly.

In the swamp, the Gungans were facing the droid army. Jar Jar turned to Captain Tarpals, one of the Gungans with a distinctive appearance who didn't look like a clone of all the others that made up the masses of the army.

oOo

Jar Jar was not exactly glad with the situation.

"Dis is nice, innit?" he remarked sarcastically. "First, mesa getting banished at mesa time of life. When mesa return, mesa suddenly made General! And now? What a way to spend an evening: fighting da droid army with mesa boomerang in mesa hand."

Jar Jar angrily hurled the blue glowing ball the Gungans used as weapons at the droids, despite the fact that the droids were still quite out of range. The newly appointed Gungan General morosely watched the projectile hit the ground about two hundred meters short of the frontline of the hostile army.

He stared at it for about half a minute before he turned to Captain Tarpals and complained in a plaintive whinge: "My boomerang won't come back!"

The Captain heaved a sigh. Jar Jar's intelligence was excessively limited even for a Gungan.

"That'sa because thissen not a boomerang but just a boomer," he explained long-sufferingly.

He resented being made the babysitter for Jar Jar, but the Big Boss had insisted that someone had to do the job. He had even flattered the Captain by saying that Tarpals was the only one cunning enough to deal with such a huge catastrophe as Jar Jar, and the Captain had let himself be talked into the unpopular task. Now, he cursed himself for not protesting more.

The remainder of the battle was just a long string of embarrassments which for the most part featured Jar Jar as the biggest idiot walking this Galaxy, and even of the immobile kind there were few that were more stupid that him. Since the recollection alone is almost too painful to bear, the battle shall not be discussed in greater detail. Suffice to say that in the end, most Gungans were either dead, captured or, in the case of Jar Jar, had shamed themselves by trying to run away.

oOo

It had been comparably easy to infiltrate the Palace of Theed. Suspiciously easy, in Obi-Wan's opinion. Much too easy.

Up to now, there had been no need for stealth at all. Still, they were cautious and kept in the shadows of walls, huge potted plants and whatever cover they could find.

Padmé hid behind one of the numerous architectural details of the huge courtyard they had just entered. She was closely followed by Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and a few of her guards.

Padmé unobtrusively sent Captain Panaka, who was located at the other end of the courtyard, a signal with her red laserlight. The Captain confirmed the silent communication with his own, blue one.

That was the start signal for the distraction Panaka was to create.

The deeper they went onto the palace, the more danger they would be in. Not that the skinny battle droids posed any real peril to the Jedi, but the middle of a battle was certainly no place for a little boy.

Qui-Gon crouched down next to Anakin and grasped the boy's shoulders reassuringly.

"Once we get inside, you find a safe place to hide and stay there," Qui-Gon firmly told Anakin. It would not do to lose his new and shiny Padawan. Well, at least Anakin was almost as good as his Padawan, so he might as well start thinking of him like that. "Simply stay out of sight for a bit, and try to draw not too much attention to yourself. If you just remember to do the occasional barrel roll, you should be fine."

"Sure," Anakin said, although he didn't sound very convincing. That one word sounded more like Anakin intended to stay in a safe place and hide there right until Qui-Gon was out of sight – and then he would immediately leave and find a video game because that was so much more fun than staying hidden in a safe place. If he didn't try to follow Qui-Gon, that was.

Qui-Gon looked at Anakin doubtfully. "Stay there," he reaffirmed, his finger raised warningly. The Jedi Master guessed correctly in his estimation of Anakin's character: his doubts that Anakin would stay in a place where there was no video game handy for longer than thirty seconds were entirely justified.

At that moment, Captain Panaka and his men began their attack. In a matter of seconds, laser beams were ricocheting in all directions, hitting droids and leaving ugly scorch marks on the walls. Padmé frowned disapprovingly. It would take her palace staff ages to get the walls nice and clean again.

Padmé quickly rounded the corner to the doors into the hangar. She and Anakin were kept safe by the bright, humming blades of her Jedi protectors. Anakin was deeply impressed at the way Qui-Gon's and Obi-Wan's green and blue lightsabers deflected every shot coming their way. He desperately wished he could do that, too. He was sure he would look awesome with such a glowing lasersword and the rakish handsomeness that was his by birthright. Right now, though, his looks were still sweet and elfin, and to Anakin's enormous displeasure, that meant that Obi-Wan received all the admiring glances.

oOo

Inside the palace, the Neimoidians stared disbelievingly at the battle outside.

"I thought the battle was going to take place far from here," Nute Gunray said apprehensively. "This is too close," he added.

Darth Maul sneered derisively. In his opinion, the battle was not nearly close enough. The Neimoidians, though, were notorious cowards. He could smell their panic from here – and it offended his nose terribly. It was time to go and join the battle. He was eager to test his strength against these pathetic Jedi – and to escape the terrible smell the Neimoidians gave off. No matter how unpleasant these Jedi might be with their insufferable light side and their distasteful goodness, at least he was almost positive that they didn't smell as bad as the Viceroy and his assistant.

With a scornful snort and an impressive swish of his cloak, Darth Maul turned around and stalked off towards the hangar. He had a rendezvous with a few Jedi and he didn't intend to be late.

That would totally ruin his dramatic entrance.

oOo

When the wide doors that led to the hangar swished open noiselessly, Anakin simply stood there, gobsmacked. The two Jedi were the first to go through the door, where a barrage of blaster fire met them. But Anakin had seen enough blaster fire in his life to not be impressed by the multicoloured flashes of light that flashed around the hangar.

Anakin's eyes were solely fixed on the whirling blue and green blades that deflected all the blaster bolts in a way that seemed to defy every law of nature Anakin had ever heard of (which was not as impressive as it might appear in the first place, because Anakin was largely ignorant of anything pertaining to science and barely knew any laws of nature).

For a second, Padmé also stood motionlessly, admiring Obi-Wan's swift strokes and lightning-quick movements that shielded her from being riddled with projectiles of brightly coloured energy. The droids fell by the dozen, hit either by the green fire of Naboo's brave pilots or their own not quite so friendly fire reflected from the brilliant blades of energy wielded by Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan.

Anakin stumbled through the blasterfire, not quite knowing where to go and what to do. Not for the last time, he wished he could have one of those awesome laserswords, too. Maybe then Padmé would look at him with the same intense stare that was currently directed at Obi-Wan. Anakin felt a stab of jealousy. Obi-Wan didn't seem to appreciate Padmé's attention, in fact he didn't even seem to notice. Besides, Padmé had no business staring at Obi-Wan like that. Padmé was his, and he would never allow her looking at anyone except himself when they were married. Should Padmé ever take Obi-Wan's side against him, he refused to be held liable for his actions – though Anakin could imagine that it would probably end in strangulation and a battle between friends.

Qui-Gon's deep baritone managed to grab Anakin's attention despite the real mad battle going on in the hangar and the imaginary mad battle going on inside Anakin's head.

"Ani, find cover. Quick!" the Jedi Master ordered the boy.

"Get to the ships!" Padmé shouted through the noise of battle.

Anakin was a bit confused. Whose order should he obey? Obeying orders had never been one of his strengths, anyway, so now he was unsure what to do. Instead of simply ignoring orders as was his usual way of dealing with them, Anakin decided to obey both for a change. He would go and hide in a ship. That way, neither Qui-Gon nor Padmé could fault his behaviour.

Most ships were already occupied by some pilot or other. The only one left for Anakin was located in a corner, and it looked somehow lesser than the other ships that were one by one leaving the hangar to fly towards Naboo's bright blue sky.

R2 was already on his way towards the little yellow starfighter, whistling cheerfully. Finally, something exciting was going on to alleviate the boredom of his usual life as an astromech droid. He intended to find a cosy little socket where he could connect with some sociable computer and have a chat with it.

To R2's surprise, he suddenly found himself in the company of the little boy the tall Jedi had picked up on Tatooine. The droid was not exactly eager to meet the boy. R2 eyed him warily with his photosensor. Although Anakin looked innocent and even endearing to most human eyes, to R2D2 he was a creepy little boy. Rumour had it that Anakin liked to tinker with everything mechanical, so the little droid had done his best to stay away from the danger unprofessional mechanics posed to droids.

"Oh no, what are you doing here?" R2 tootled anxiously. Hopefully, the boy did not intend to start fiddling with R2's parts in the middle of a battle. Should that be the case, though, R2 would not prove to be as obsequious as the other droids Anakin had disassembled and failed to reassemble again afterwards. He vowed to guard his mechanical innards jealously.

But Anakin's eyes were fixed firmly on the controls of the little spaceship. There were not nearly as many buttons as he had expected. It looked quite simple, really, not all that different from the controls of his podracer. Excitedly, Anakin leaned forward and eyed the enticingly gleaming big red button. Slowly, a huge smile spread on his face and with a contended sigh, he pressed it. Finally, no one was there to keep him from fulfilling his heart's desire. Anakin pressed the button again, just because he felt like it.

Anakin grabbed the headset and made an announcement through the microphone of his ship.

"Dear passengers," he said in his best imitation of Obi-Wan's voice, because he thought that the Padawan had the most accurate and educated pronunciation he knew and that this was just perfect to make an official announcement sound even more official, "As your Captain for today, I, Anakin Skywalker, would like to welcome you aboard. The weather at our destination, the beautiful planet Naboo, is pleasant, with the minor inconvenience of an invasion by the Trade Federation. Pray fasten your seatbelts before takeoff."

Anakin turned around to his "passengers" who consisted of R2 and two mice which were hidden somewhere in the machinery of his little spaceship and which Anakin was not aware of, smiled widely and finished: "I hope you will enjoy your flight."

R2, now connected to the ship's computer, protested. "You can't fly that thing. We will go nowhere," he beeped, and simultaneously made the words appear on the screen in the cockpit because he feared that Anakin didn't have a clue what he was bleeping on about. "Hey, are you even listening to me? Do you hear a beep of what I'm saying?" he whistled crossly.

In fact, Anakin was completely absorbed with listening to his angel's sweet voice. Well, not quite so sweet at the moment, as she was using her queenly voice.

"My guess is the viceroy is in the throne room," she repeated the speculations everybody had already agreed upon earlier.

"Red group! Blue group! Everybody, this way!" Captain Panaka shouted, motioning for some guards and handmaidens to follow him.

Anakin suddenly reappeared from behind the controls. Playing captain of a spacechip had been fun, but he had no intention of missing the fun of fighting the Trade Federation army – or at least watch it being fought.

"Hey, wait for me," he shouted.

"Anakin, stay where you are," Qui-Gon said as he walked by. "You'll be safe there. Never forget: there's always a bigger fish, and when in trouble, do a barrel roll."

"But I-" Anakin started to protest, in full whine mode now.

"Stay in that cockpit," Qui-Gon repeated resolutely, in a tone that did not brook any further argument. To emphasise his instruction, he pointed a finger at Anakin, who mumbled defiantly: "Did your mother never tell you that pointing with naked fingers at clothed people is impolite?"

A bit louder, Anakin added: "Please be careful, Qui-Gon. And please remember to save your game before you fight the final battle. Also, it always pays to have a few spare lives and to collect as many coins in a level as possible."

Someone should tell him that this is real life, not one of his video games, Obi-Wan thought.

Anakin protested some more when they walked on without taking him along. In the end, however grudgingly, Anakin stayed in the cockpit. Qui-Gon didn't seem like the kind of man one wanted to get on the wrong side of.

Anakin watched from his safe spot in the cockpit as the little group approached one end of the hangar. There were three portals in the wall, and Captain Panaka, who was in the lead, faltered and stopped.

"Which door shall we take, your Highness?" he asked, turning to his Queen.

Padmé also seemed indecisive, so she turned to the Jedi who were at the back of the group.

"What do you think, Master Jedi?" she asked. "Which one will you take, door one, door two or door three? But please remember, you can only choose one. Behind one door, you will find a safe route to the throne room. Behind one door lies…" Padmé paused for effect "… a brand new purple speeder! It has an open cockpit and the right speed capabilities. And this speeder is pimped with a TARDIS device. TARDIS is an acronym for 'Time And Relative Dimension In Space' and this ultra-modern device makes it possible that the interior of the speeder is actually a lot bigger than it appears on the outside. This speeder has a living room, a spacious kitchen, two bedrooms, a swimming pool, a gym and a completely furnished spa," Padmé finished. Her manner of speaking had morphed from her droning royal voice to the sweet and exaggerated tones of someone trying to sell a used car.

Anakin perked up and listened more intensely. That sounded interesting. The boy was sure he would like that speeder very much, and that a nice speeder chase through Coruscant would be just to his liking, as well.

"But choose wisely," Padmé cautioned. "Behind one door lies certain doom in form of a fully grown and hungry Royal tiger."

Qui-Gon stood there, staring at the doors, silently pondering the problem.

Anakin eagerly jumped up and down, shouting: "Take door number three! I want that speeder!"

Obi-Wan just stood there, chewing on his lip, and was about to say that this was real life and not some holonet game show and besides he had a bad feeling about door number three when Qui-Gon decided to listen to Anakin's impulsive advice. That boy truly was living in the moment!

"I want door number three," he declared.

Captain Panaka stepped up. "I offer you two thousand Republic credits if you take door number two instead," he said. "Do you still want door number three?"

Qui-Gon thought about it for a moment. Then he said: "No, Republic credits are no good out here, I have heard. I need something more real. I'll take door number three."

"Are you sure?" Now it was Padmé's turn to try and dissuade the Jedi Master from wanting to choose the door they had made him choose in the first place. "I will offer you two thousand five hundred – no, make that three thousand Republic credits."

"Yes, I'm quite sure," Qui-Gon affirmed.

"All right, then, door number three it is," Panaka said with an air of finality. Padmé walked over to the controls for the door, exaggeratingly swaying her hips. With an overdramatic flourish and a completely fake and overly bright smile, Padmé pushed the button that opened the door.

The door opened without the ominous creak that would have been appropriate for such a fateful moment.

Ooh, Anakin thought disappointedly, flopping back into his pilot seat, not the speeder.

This is certainly not a tiger, royal or not, Obi-Wan thought, forever sticking to the obvious when he was unsure about a situation. Although he does have enough stripes to qualify as one.

Behind the door stood a single figure swathed completely in black. Slowly, he raised his head to fully reveal it in all its black-and red-striped glory. Red-rimmed eyes that were tainted yellow, a sure sign of the Dark Side – or of some serious hepatic illness probably related to Maul's excessive consumption of a chemical compound called ethanol, although the Jedi didn't know that – glowered at them from beneath a dark hood not unlike the one Sidious favoured.

"We'll handle this," Qui-Gon volunteered.

"We'll take the long way," Padmé agreed. With that, all the handmaidens, royal guards, Panaka and Padmé went to door number two, behind which lay the safe route to the throne room.

As Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan approached the Darksider, he lowered his hood to reveal a crown of short, stubby horns. The Jedi and the Sith glared at each other for a second. Qui-Gon narrowed his eyes to squint at his opponent. He had the distinct feeling that he had seen that striped face somewhere before – his philosophy to always live in the moment did not allow for a particularly good memory.

Obi-Wan had to suppress a shudder at the tendrils of darkness the Sith stretched out to touch the Jedi's bright Force signatures. The Sith's signature felt oily and vile in the Force and seemed to leave ugly stains in that all-encompassing energy field. The Sith gloated at them, eager to test the unlimited power the Dark Side offered against the Jedi's fabled yet pitiable skills.

The Sith and the Jedi simultaneously discarded their robes, as the flapping fabric could easily hamper their movements in the coming battle. The Sith took out his lightsaber. Obi-Wan noted the exceptionally long handle – until the Sith struck a menacing pose and ignited first one and then both ends of his lightsaber, then his eyes were more occupied with keeping track of both the brightly glowing blood-red blades. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan followed suit, although their lightsabers looked much less impressive in comparison to the dual-bladed one the Sith wielded.

With a fierce look in his eyes, the Sith attacked. Obi-Wan flipped over his head, and a heated battle started.

oOo

Anakin was still frustrated that they hadn't won the speeder. He heaved a deep sigh. Not even the extraordinary battle that was taking place in front of his eyes could gain his interest. Normally he wouldn't be able keep his eyes off the flashing and whirling lightsabers and the fluid grace of both the Jedi's and the Sith's movements, but the fact that they hadn't won the speeder when he had been so sure that it was behind door number three had enraged him greatly. He needed a vent for his frustration – shooting a few droids should do the trick.

"R2, can you get this ship up in the air?" Anakin asked. "We gotta do something, R2!"

"This thing can't really fly anywhere, boy," R2 beeped. "But if you want something to happen, you should try pushing that little button that looks like the ignition."

Anakin didn't understand a beep of what R2 was trying to tell him, though. All the buttons and levers were clearly labelled, but since reading was not exactly one of his strengths, either, he had really no idea what he was doing.

"I'm trying to," Anakin shouted, pretending to understand exactly what R2 had been talking about, "but I don't know where the trigger is!"

Anakin randomly pushed a few buttons. Suddenly, the front pane of his fighter didn't show the hangar any more but the familiar screen of a computer game.

"Welcome to the virtual SHIPS educational video game, the training program for Superb Handmaidens and Improved Piloting Skills, sponsored by his Excellency Senator Palpatine. You have chosen the animated training program for space battles on the professional level. Your virtual flight will begin in three – two – one – START!"

Anakin was delighted – he had actually found a video game! One that had educational intentions, true, but still it might be fun. Unfortunately, he hadn't quite figured out the controls yet.

"Up, I said. I want to go UP!" Anakin tried a lever that looked promising.

"Are you sure you want to quit the game?" the mechanical voice of the game asked him.

"Oops, wrong one," Anakin flinched. "Maybe it's this one."

"GAME OVER!" the computer informed him. "You have activated the EJECT-button while in space. You lost one life, which leaves you with a remaining four lives. Do you want to try again?"

"Nope, wrong one again. Wait, here it is!" Anakin grabbed the joystick that had been right in front of his nose all the time and that had obviously been designed to steer the ship.

"Yeah!" the boy shouted as he re-started the level.

Then he noticed that he couldn't manoeuvre the ship as he wanted to. It appeared as if the ship was following a predetermined track, and the only things Anakin could influence were the velocity of the ship and the guns.

"It's on automatic pilot," he complained, haphazardly pushing buttons to try and turn it off. "It's no fun like that at all. How am I supposed to avoid the hostile fire? Try to override it, R2."

"You will have to score a certain amount of points in order to unlock the free play," R2 whistled.

As Anakin followed the course of the level, he arrived at a huge battle station, and finally, the first enemy ships attacked him.

"Look, there they are," he commented. "That's where the autopilot is taking us."

Soon, Anakin found himself in the middle of an intense if virtual space battle.

"Wow, this is tense," he shouted excitedly. "R2 get us off this autopilot. It`s gonna get us both killed, and I don't have nearly enough extra lives yet."

Frantically, Anakin fired at the spaceship-droids coming his way.

"You're not listening to me at all, are you?" R2 shrieked exasperatedly. "Alright, you don't listen to what I have to say, then I won't say anything useful." And with that, the little droid started cheerfully whistling his favourite song: "Uuh, eeh, uh-ah-ah, ting tang walla-walla-bing-bong…" It seemed R2 was a great fan of the witchdoctor-song, probably because it was the only song he could actually pronounce.

Anakin completely misinterpreted the astromech's agitated trills. "You did it, R2! Okay, let's go left!"

They had at last scored enough points to unlock free movement and their ship swerved to the left.

R2 didn't let Anakin's wild manoeuvres interrupt his happy little song.

Once again, the boy completely misinterpreted his bleeps.

"Go back?" he asked incredulously and, in R2's opinion, completely randomly. "Qui-Gon told me to stay in this cockpit, so that's what I'm gonna do. I'll try a barrel roll to evade the laser fire, that's a good trick. Qui-Gon told me so, too."

Another few wild shrieks from R2 meant that he had arrived at the refrain again.

"I know we're in trouble. Just hang on!" Anakin shouted. "Oh no, we're hit, R2! The energy bar is almost gone!"

Another hit, and once again the computer announced that his game was over.

"Oh, damn!" Anakin shouted and madly pressed the little green button that re-started the game.

After several more tries, Anakin was down to his last life. Still, his enthusiasm was undiminished.

"Take this! And this!" he cheered, firing wildly around the battle station he was in – until he managed to hit the vital compound of the ship.

"Mission accomplished. Congratulations!" the computer informed him.

"Great! Yippie! I did it!" Anakin cheered. "Let's get outta here."

oOo

Up in the real space around Naboo, the pilots attacking the Trade Federation's droid control ship were completely baffled. One moment, things didn't look rosy at all, the next moment the ship simply blew up – and that certainly was not their doing.

"What's that?" one pilot asked. "It's blowing up from the inside," she answered her own question a second later, sounding completely baffled.

"We didn't hit it," another pilot said, sounding equally perplexed.

Still having no idea what had hit the battle station, they nevertheless turned around and returned to Theed, grateful for the lucky circumstance that had somehow destroyed the all but invincible starship.

Suddenly, as the control ship went supernova, all the droids were deactivated due to the lucky circumstance that the Neimoidians hadn't installed an auxiliary control station on Naboo.

oOo

Back down on the ground, the Naboo pilots encountered a happy little boy dancing around the hangar, alternately shouting and singing: "I did it! I blew it up! I did it!"

The pilots shared dubious glances, shrugged and then accepted Anakin's claim with a cheer. They heaved the small boy onto their shoulders and carried him through the palace in an impromptu victory parade.

But if neither Anakin nor the brave pilots of Naboo had been the cause for the explosion, what had caused it?

Unnoticed by Naboo's flight squad that was busy dodging hostile attacks and desperately trying to score a hit, an enormous danger was approaching. The Neimoidians were staring wide-eyed at the perilous thing that was inevitably, unstoppably drawing nearer.

"What is that?" the Neimoidian in command said, pointing at the huge yellow something right outside the window. "Gee, that almost looks like… a… giant… G?" he finished lamely, seconds before the huge battle station was hit by one of the huge yellow letters from the beginning that were still roaming through the Galaxy.

Didn't I tell you these letters were dangerous and would surely cause harm sooner or later? Don't tell me I didn't warn you!

oOo

I was asked to include a few lines of the song "My Boomerang Won't Come Back". Here they are, somewhat modified to suit my needs: "Dis is nice, innit?" he remarked sarcastically. "First, mesa getting banished at mesa time of life. [When mesa return, mesa suddenly made General! And now?] What a way to spend an evening: fighting da droid army with mesa boomerang in mesa hand." And of course the sentence: My boomerang won't come back.

Edited on 27th February, 2011