"The Woman"

"Tut! Tut! In my day, we were more discreet about such things."

The laughing voice sounded very feminine and worldly wise. She pointed a slim, manicured and polished forefinger to the tabloid lying on the table between us, at the article about another domestic triangle in the Royal Family, and shook her head. "What would the Queen say?"

I looked up into merry eyes. The woman looked in her early thirties. Her linen slacks and a red silk blouse set off her proportioned and poised figure beautifully. Why should she say "in my day" as though she were my great-grandmother?

"Because I am of your great-grandmother's generation," she replied sweetly.

"How did -- ?"

"I know what you were thinking? I know more than most fictional characters. You also have very transparent features." She held out her hand. "Irene Norton, neé Adler."

I know I shook her hand. I hope I had the good manners to introduce myself, but I was stunned. Irene Adler - the chic, the famous Irene Adler - in a McDonald's?

She seated herself across from me, her eyes still laughing. "You write those "Canon Fodder" pieces, don't you? Why have you not requested an interview with me? Most reporters do."

"You seldom grant interviews."

"And when I do, I tell each inquirer a different tale, eh bien? But I wish to talk to you. I am put out that you talked to Hattie Moulton and not to me. After all, I am 'The Woman'."

Taken aback, I replied politely "I would have interviewed you first; but your husband set certain conditions regarding editorial control."

Ms. Adler raised her eyebrows. "Ah, yes. Godfrey is so protective and legal minded. Besides, the press twists my every word and action to suit the rulers of Bohemia and Berlin. The story published in the Strand, for instance. It was biased throughout in favour of King Wilhelm."

I demurred. "Many readers think you came off best and he a poor third."

"Many readers have not read my side of the story."

This was too good to pass up. "And you consent to be interviewed by me?"

She inclined her head. A tiny smile hovered on her lips. "No holds barred."

"When?"

"Why not here and now?"

I was not prepared for this. "Here?" I squeaked. "In a McDonald's?"

"And now." Her eyes challenged me. "Or I'll take my story to The Baker Street Journal."

Under her amused gaze, I wiped a ketchup splatter off the table, fumbled frantically for a pen and the back of the tray liner, and fumbled even more frantically for an intelligent question.

"If you will order me chicken salad and a large coffee?" she asked. "I have no Canadian currency, and I do not believe that poorly dressed girl will accept old shillings and new pence." Her eyes added. "You will have found your question by the time you return." She dismissed me with a dainty wave and picked up my tabloid in her long, lovely fingers. I gave her order to the counter clerk, paid for it and brought it to the table. She set down the paper and looked at me, very much amused.

"No. The Queen would not approve of this at all."

"Why should the Queen care about what I read in my spare time?"

"My dear child! If the Queen were Victoria, she would have thrown a decorous fit that any one of her subjects read this. Her great great great great grandson's antics are spread out in the gutter press - in colour! British Royalty certainly has not progressed, but, as dear Alice Keppel said, in our time we conducted our affairs better, and with discretion. We did not open our reputations to the mob view."

She, watched, amused, as I counted off the 'greats' on my fingers. "Not that I did not feel for Princess Diana. I did. I was so nearly in her situation. Still, I was quite diverted by her going very much her own way. Like gander, like goose. But these scandals, including hers, are so childish, so amateurish, so poorly conducted. No style. No panache even. Quite embarrassing to all, especially to the monarch - and the first rule of royal scandal is 'Never, ever, embarrass the King and Queen'. It is almost an act of treason because it exposes your country to the ridicule of other nations."

"You should talk. You nearly caused a scandal in Bohemia."

"Me? Wilhelm created the scandal. I behaved impeccably. " She paused to nibble a lettuce leaf. "You know French Fries are bad for your health?"

"Never mind that! How can you say King Wilhelm created the scandal? You blackmailed him with your ultimatum to show that picture to his fianceé."

"I should have sent it to that poor sheep Clotilde - if only to open her eyes. She was kept such an innocent about men. So many gentlewomen were and it's wrong, then and now."

Irene Adler caught my gaze in hers. "Her father, the King of Scandinavia, had his own lights o' love. Nearly all princes did. Albert Edward, Prince of Wales, went right through Burke's Peerage, taking so many pretty ladies to bed that when he was crowned King Edward VII, the press called the spot where the duchesses and countesses sat "The King's Loose Box."

"That was the way things were," she continued. "A prince was expected to have lovers and sew his wild oats before he married - and even after he married, once he sired his heir. Everyone in the know knew, but the press kept quiet - or were muzzled by the State Censor and the State Police. That was the protocol of such arrangements - as was the protocol of the prince giving his inamorata a parting gift after their affair ended. That is why I was angry at Willy. He not only left me with nothing, after I had given up my career and respectability for love of him; but he insulted me by acting as though we could still be lovers, without considering my inclinations in the least."

"Did you not want to 'continue' after his marriage?"

"I did not want to share him with any woman, but he would not let me refuse. In fact he took my consent for granted."

She bit down on her lip, obviously fighting her emotion "I loved him, fool that I was. No just because he was heir to a kingdom. Not because he was so masterful, coming to my dressing room night after night, showering me with flowers and jewels. Because he was handsome and exciting and could meet my lust for an unfettered life. Because we were equals : in energy, in recklessness, in passion."

"You loved him."

"Yes. I did - and I thought he would have the courage to spurn an arranged marriage and openly declare me his wife."

I gasped and thought "What a scoop!"

"You were married?" I managed to say.

"Of course we were married. Not in the Cathedral in the sight of all men; but in a little chapel, in the sight of God and a few intimate friends. The picture he was so keen to take from me was our wedding picture."

"But he denied that there had been a secret marriage."

"He had to, and his friends had to if they wanted to keep their lands and their lives. That photograph was the only evidence I had that he could not contradict. I had to keep it close and hide it well, for my own revenge at the time, and for my safety thereafter."

"So your marriage to Godfrey Norton was bigamous."

Irene Adler shrugged a little French shrug. "I fell in love with Godfrey and he with me. If the King denied our marriage, then why may not I?"

"I hated the King by then," she continued. "He gave me nothing in return for all I gave up for him. No title. No lands. No money. He repudiated our love, so I repudiated his lust. He tried to confine me. I escaped him and he hunted me across Europe. Covertly of course. If it were known openly that he was chasing his lover, he would be the laughing stalk of the entire world. I taunted him with that. "Take another wife and I'll show everyone what a chivalrous gentleman you are, Your Majesty." He lacked the courage to be honourable and honest. I wanted him to suffer for the wrongs he did to me. I could make him a monk, and I would made him a fool if he pledged his body and kingdom to another woman."

She smiled, and the flame in her eyes damped down to a warming glow. "Godfrey was all Wilhelm could never be: honest, courageous, honourable, loving. He gave up his career, and his good reputation, to elope and marry an 'adventuress'. He put his life in danger to wed me and protect me. How could I not love and honour him, forsaking all others? I did, and I still do."

"May I ask an impertinent question?"

"Of course. That is why were are here."

"I can see that you love your husband; but were you also attracted to Sherlock Holmes?"

"Because he was attracted to me?" she teased. "That is not an original question."

"He called you 'The Woman'." I said defensively.

"And I am flattered to be thought so worthy an opponent by the illustrious Mr. Sherlock Holmes," she replied serenely. "But I was never in love with him, and I daresay he was never in love with me."

She paused. "Although I do confess I have long envied Doctor Watson. I would have liked to share in the Great Detective's work, and to have had his friendship. We could have had great successes and fine adventures, the three of us. It has been a lasting regret."

"Godfrey did not satisfy there?" I gently probed.

"Godfrey was trained as a lawyer and lawyers are cautious creatures. They desire order and stability above all things. I am Chaos. I scatter, not gather.

"Poor Godfrey! I fling him about in my restless wind, and he takes it as no one else would. You know that he is my manager - and a fine one. I could not have re-established my concert career without him."

"I don't recall seeing ... "

"Under assumed names, of course. Irene Adler must stay dead, although it is hardly a secret that I am alive. Mr. Sherlock Holmes knows. So did the German secret services, since they used him as their agent to me after the death of the King of Bohemia. The suzerainty of Bohemia was in dispute between the German and Austrian kaisers. Whoever held the papers confirming the marriage between myself and Wilhelm held a big stick over the head of Wilhelm's heir. We hid, but Mr. Holmes finally found us. I relinquished the papers to him for an ample sum, but I did not give up the photograph. I still relied on that to safeguard my life."

I looked up from my scribbles, perplexed. "But how could it, if the King was dead?"

"I wanted to be left in peace. I would play 'dead' so long as I could live without threats or further interference. If I was threatened, wounded or killed, Godfrey or our lawyers would use the photograph to resurrect the scandal. Mr. Holmes agreed to my terms and obtained for me the written agreements from the Imperial and the Bohemian governments."

"So you stayed mute until now."

Irene Adler gently shook her head. "I did not stay entirely mute all these years; but there were two world wars and much conflict before, between and since. The collapse of the Berlin Wall and of Soviet power. The separation of Czechoslovakia. Bohemia lies in the Slovak Republic now. I spoke guardedly, but who listened?"

I looked at her steadily. As to looks and brains, she would have made an admirable Queen Consort; but I wondered. A woman so clever, so intelligent. Would she have wanted to be merely a figurehead queen? And since she mentioned the two world wars ...

"Ms. Adler, are you Jewish?"

She was not taken aback. She laughed long and merrily. "Touché! I was waiting for that question. My family was christianized; but yes, I bear the 'tainted bloodline'. So, 'How dare a Jewess marry an Germanic prince and hope to be Queen of a Christian country?' My girl, I did not want the crown. I wanted the man, and the crown came with him." She paused, then said softly. "And the crown separated us. Wilhelm's subjects would have deposed him rather than acknowledge me as his wife."

She shook herself. "But I did expect a reward for services rendered. A title and a pension. What I got was an indelicate proposition. He wanted both a respectable consort in his State Bed and me to tumble in an adjoining little chamber. I refused to share him or take his leavings. To have accepted would have shamed me."

I cleared my throat. "Do you have the photograph with you now?"

"No. It is in a very, very secure place. No spy will find it and no one but me will see it."

I sighed, disappointed. "One final question. Doctor Watson seemed to be a man who appreciated women and enjoyed their company. Why did he dislike you?"

Ms. Adler gave me an enigmatic smile. "Why do you think he disliked me?"

He wrote of you as 'the late Irene Adler, of dubious and questionable memory'."

"So I was to the world. So the King of Bohemia made me. But Doctor Watson appreciated my beauty, and my kindness to the man I thought injured. He said that he felt ashamed of the part he played in that little comedy disception, and played his part only out of loyalty to his friend. You said yourself that I came off best in his account. He disliked the sordid situation. He may have resented the feelings I inspired in his friend Sherlock Holmes, though I had more reason to envy him than he had to be jealous of me."

"Had you not loved Godfrey Norton ...?"

"No. It would not have happened. We would have suited well together, but it would not have happened. Mr. Holmes was too much his own man, and I was too much my own woman."

She paused. "Although I would have accepted, if he had asked me. I would have wanted it to happen."

Books about Irene Adler

Douglas, Carole Nelson: The Adventuress, Femme Fatale, Castle Rouge, and her other novels about Irene Adler