Misery Business
Written by: Spirit-the-Titan and Jupiter52987
Fandom: South Park
Pairings: Stan/Wendy, eventual Stan/Kyle
October 4
(Kyle's POV)
I'm sitting in History, pulling my textbook and binder out of my backpack, wondering where on God's green earth Kenny could be. The bell rang to start class... over ten minutes ago. I roll my eyes and drop my supplies on my desk. He can't be this late as much as he is all the time, because he's going to get himself suspended.
"Kyle, where's Kenny?" Mr. Garver asks me, and I sigh.
"I would love to know the same thing..." I mumble, and no sooner do the words leave my mouth does Kenny barge in the door. He looks as though he was running frantically to get to class, but I know it's all a charade.
"McCormick! Why the hell are you late to my class again?" Garver booms, and Kenny throws his hands up in defense.
"Sorry, sir! I've told you before, my locker is on the other side of campus, and 10 minutes is certainly not enough time as a passing period for me to take care of my IBS between classes!" he pants, and Garver rolls his eyes.
"What is IBS?" he challenges, and Kenny looks embarrassed. He frantically walks over to the teacher and whispers something in his ear. Garver's expression becomes a little flustered. "McCormick, that's disgusting. Go sit down."
Kenny is grinning ear to ear when he takes his seat next to me.
"Irritable bowel syndrome? Really?" I mock him when he's sitting down. "You couldn't come up with anything more believable?"
"Trust me, I just bought myself a ticket to be late and get out of class briefly whenever I want," he says smugly. "It's going to be awesome."
"So where were you really, then?" He turns to smirk his signature smirk at me, and I know the answer before the words leave his mouth.
"Oh, I was in the bathroom. But it was nothing related to irritable bowels... And I wasn't alone," he chimes, and winks at me.
"What does that make your tally by this point?" I dare to ask, deciding silently that it's somewhere between 13 and 20.
"Eight, I think?" he answers, pondering his sexual encounters. I sigh exasperatedly.
"Kenny, that's gross. You're probably getting all kinds of STDs and passing them on to all these poor, unsuspecting girls."
"And it will all be worth it," he retorts, smirk back in place. He is leaned back in his chair and reminiscing on every experience.
I quickly start to scribble in the binder in front of me when Mr. Garver turns around to look at us, making it look like I've been paying attention the whole time. And I certainly would have been, did I not already know that Egyptian pharos were big assholes. When he turns back to face the whiteboard, Kenny quickly turns to face me.
"So, how are things with Annie?" he asks rather excitedly. Oh man, here we go again.
"Fine, why?" I reply dryly. I know exactly where this is leading.
"Stan said you guys hung out again last weekend. So when are you gonna do it?"
"Do what?" I ask with caution. 'Do it' in Kenny language could mean a great number of things.
"Make it official! That's like, what, the third date you guys have been on?"
"Kenny, we've already gone over this... I have no intention of asking her out."
"Well I hope she knows this, because it kind of looks like you're leading her on," he informs me, and I feel a pang of guilt in my chest.
"I-I am not... I couldn't do that to her, she's sweet..." I mumble to myself, and Kenny throws his arm around my shoulders.
"All the more reason to just go for it. If not to get over ...you-know-who, then at least to distract yourself from it for a while." I sigh again and roll my eyes.
"Kenny, I don't want to use her, either." And then, he quickly removes his arm.
"Fine then, be miserable. But don't come crying to me when you are upset because nothing is going your way. I've offered suggestions," he threatens, and I slump over in my chair, face on my desk. I'm silent for a brief second, contemplating is ultimatum.
"Damnit, Kenny..." I say, defeated. I hate it when he is right...
"Yes! Good choice, bro. You know what? You don't even have to label it. Just kinda... act like a couple, you know? But never call her your girlfriend."
"And when she asks what we are?" I ask, tilting my face from my desk just slightly enough to glare at him.
"We will get to that problem when it happens."
(Kenny's POV)
Another long day of practice... Fucking band director increased every day to long practices, since our marching season is almost over and championships are coming up. I have decided I don't give a shit about any of this, and I'm only sucking up for the rest of the season because I want to reach my goal.
We are called to attention after a run-through, and then we have a water break. Thank god... I take this opportunity to approach one of the guard girls I have been sweet-talking for a couple weeks.
"Kenny, you're so bad!" she giggles, gently hitting my shoulder. I've been flashing her my trademark grin the whole time, causing her to blush.
"I will be as bad as you want, baby," I tell her smoothly, playing it off as a joke. She is still giggling. Before I can try to sweet talk her some more, though, another girl catches my attention.
She's staring right at me, with a very familiar look on her face. I can't let this opportunity slip by.
"Hang on a sec, Amber, I need to go talk to someone..." I tell her as I walk off. I hear her try to regain my attention, but I'm not listening.
I am fixated on this girl. I can tell she's a band member, the French horn in her hands is a dead giveaway. Her long, curly brown hair and slender build are enough to make me crazy. The look she's giving me tells me I might get the chance to let her make me crazy. I flash my grin when I approach her, and she smiles at me.
"Hi, Kenny," she says, voice sultry.
"Hey, uh... I'm sorry, I don't think I know your name..." I admit, and I feel like my chances may be shot. But she smiles and offers her hand.
"Lizzy," she says, and I take her hand and kiss it. She giggles a little. "You're just as smooth as I've heard."
"What have you heard?" I ask, hoping that it's nothing bad. She looks like she's thinking about this, and tugs at my arm to have me follow her away from listening ears. We walk a short distance from the group of bandos when she stops and turns to me, that seductive look back in her eyes.
"I know you've been making your way around the band..." she starts, and my heart skips. I'm nervous that she may be trying to expose me for the slut I am, so I play it off.
"And what does that make you in this situation, the sexy vigilante out to bring justice to the girls?" I offer, and she smiles wider.
"Not exactly. I have a... favor... to ask you," she says softly, and I know exactly what she's talking about. She reaches over and touches my arm, sliding her hand down until she's holding my hand, and she takes a step closer to me until we're only inches apart.
"Just tell me the time and place, baby, and I'm there..." I whisper. My heart is pounding with excitement.
"How about... tonight? After practice?"
"I think I can arrange that..." I tell her. I know that Kyle should still be on campus when practice is over, I shouldn't have any trouble convincing him to take us to my place.
"Sounds good," she says, just as the director calls us back to practice.
(Stan's POV)
Currently parked in Wendy's driveway, making out with her from the passenger seat of my truck. We have been sitting here for about 20 minutes, making out, since we got here after school. It's amazing, and a nice change of pace from her trying to be touchy in public, but I'm trying to find a way to intervene and slip away. I have plans with Kyle soon, and it's becoming rather difficult to manage my time between the two without anyone getting upset.
I find my opportunity when Wendy pulls away and grabs her things from the floor.
"My parents aren't home for another hour, wanna come up instead of fooling around in your cramped car...?" she offers, her voice dripping with desire. It's almost impossible to resist, but I know I have other obligations.
"I'd love to, but... I have plans with Kyle soon..." I admit, worried of how she will react. The look on her face is only a prelude.
"But Stan, I thought you said that any opportunity we have to spend when our parents are out, you would spend it with me because of your aversion to PDA..." she complained, but the look in her eyes wasn't hurt, it was anger.
"Please don't be upset, Wendy, I'm trying the best I can to juggle time to spend between the two of you..." I try to reason, and she scoffs and crosses her arms. Here we go...
"You spend all of your time with him, Stan! I usually only get to hang out with you at lunch or the rare occasion that you aren't with Kyle," she growls.
"Look Wendy, I'm sorry... But I figured that since I might not get to see him much after the school year, you would understand..." I paused, contemplating on saying the next part of my sentence. "...Considering that we will probably be spending the rest of our lives together..." I swallow hard, and she looks over at me from her pout, a curious look in her eyes.
"Are you proposing to me, Stan?" she asks cautiously. A grin has creeped its way onto her features. Oh no, what am I getting myself into? Kenny was totally right...
"Well, not exactly, but given our history, that's the most likely outcome." The lustful look has returned to her eyes, and she crawls partially onto me from her seat.
"Oh Stan... I didn't know you had intentions to stick around forever..." she says softly, and kisses me slowly on the mouth. She pulls away only slightly and whispers in my ear, "Come on, future husband, come upstairs with me... I'll make it worth your while..."
Her hand is sliding slowly down my chest towards my pants... I know she won't have any intention of going all the way if I follow her, but I know any step closer is closer to me getting to score.
"I don't think Kyle will be too upset if I'm just a little late..." I tell her, breathing in her scent. She quickly pulls away, her face beaming. She grabs her things and rushes out the door.
Before I follow her, I make sure to send an apology text to Kyle.
Sry dude, im gonna b a little l8... Wendy wants me 2 stay a bit longer...
I hope he understands...
(Kenny's POV, pt. II)
"Kyle!" I see him turn his head as he gets into his car, an amused expression on his face as he watches me and a girl he doesn't know running up to him.
"Kenny, what the hell are you doing?" he asks flatly, as if he knows I'm about to mix him up in one of my shenanigans. "Don't tell me you need a ride to some secure location because you just did something stupid and probably illegal on campus."
We slow to a halt in front of him and bend over panting. It probably didn't help that we were already sweaty from band practice. How do you even get sweaty when it's under fifty degrees anyway? I can even see my breath as I pant.
"No dude, it's nothing like that," I explain between gasps. "We just need a ride home." He cocks an eyebrow.
"By 'home' you mean your house, don't you?" he asks matter-of-factly.
"Yes, that would be the ideal place."
"Fine, whatever. It's not like it's not on the way or anything. And you could have texted me, you know. I would have waited." His eyes shifted briefly to Lizzy, who was standing rather close to me. "Sorry, I'm Kyle." He holds out a hand for her to shake.
"Lizzy. Thanks for the lift in advance," she says as we get in the car. Kyle starts the engine, and gives me a curious look when I opt to sit in the back seat with Lizzy rather than shotgun.
"That name sounds familiar... Hey wait a minute, did you go to South Park Elementary?" Kyle asks, even though I keep giving him the 'leave us alone' glare.
"I did, only for third grade though." Kyle snapped his fingers in his 'aha!' moment.
"Were you that girl who challenged our gang to a sled race?" he asked loudly, as if to accuse her. Wait a minute, that does seem familiar...
"Yeah, I do recall something like that happening." Kyle waiting until we were at a red light to turn around and glare at her.
"You were calling all of us mean names!" Lizzy blushed and giggled at the memory.
"I was known for being quite a brat when I was little," she fessed with a smile on her face. "My apologies!"
"It's whatever, you gave us more words to add to our horrible vocabularies, so we should be thanking you," Kyle said, and I sighed. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent him a quick text.
stop talkin like ur old frends! shes gonna want 2 stay n chat!
I noticed he got the text when we stopped at a stop sign, and he quickly replied.
Kyle: Sorry man, just trying to distract myself.
Soon enough we were at my house, and as soon as we were close enough to being parked, I grabbed my shit, grabbed Lizzy's hand and bolted for the door.
"Thanks for the ride, Kyle!" I yell after us, and I see him wave and give me a thumbs up. We were in the front door before he had even driven off. I was incredibly relieved to find that no one else was home. I throw my backpack on the floor and she does the same, and we're both standing there and staring at each other.
"Can I uh... get you anything?" I ask, a little surprised by my words. Usually, I just get down to business.
"There's only one thing I can think of..." she says softly, those enticing eyes staring at me.
I waste no time and walk up to her, pulling her face into a heated kiss. I back her into the wall, and she slips her tongue into my mouth.
"You know... I've never had a girl... approach me with... intentions of having sex..." I tell her between kisses. She smiles against my lips.
"I don't want to hurt your feelings, but... this is only to get back at my boyfriend..." I pull away and stare at her.
"It's always hotter doing it with a taken woman..." I grin, and pick her up to carry her to my bedroom.
A/N: Sorry with the hiatus, everyone! I had writers block on this for sooo long... And when I reviewed my notes for this month in the story, I was able to piece it together very easily! I just needed some time to think, maybe. But anyway, thank you to everyone who supports this story, even when it's on a break! Hopefully more soon~