Read my Author's Note at the end, pleaaaseee. K. Thanks.

RACHEL BERRY

I am not selfish for doing that to Finn.

And I know what you're thinking- that I'm delusional. But I'm most certainly telling the truth. If we did continue our unstable relationship, we would've broken up anyway. I am not being negative, I'm just stating the facts.

I have faith in him, but he really doesn't know much about me. And how can I be with someone who doesn't understand the real me? (Or maybe I'm looking for an excuse so I won't get hurt).

I have forgiven Finn for all the mistakes he has done, but that doesn't mean I'll forget it.

So fine, I was absolutely smitten when he said "I love you", and every time I think about it, my stomach does flips. Does that mean we should be together? (The answer is no).

Love simply is not enough sometimes.

I feel lonely and insecure.

I don't usually feel insecure because I have amazing talent and my hair is shiny, but I feel it now. And it feels like someone stomped on my heart.

And as for the being lonely? I'm used to it.

It's been 12 hours since Finn and I talked.

I refuse to call him (the boy should always make the first move), and a part of me wants him to call me… but I know that I'll just ignore it.

(If he does call, I will accept it enthusiastically).

So I wait.

And wait.

And wait.

He never calls.

I sigh and look at the clock. It's been 15 hours since we last talked. My heart is breaking.

I lied.

It's been 14 hours and 30 minutes.

But there's another lie.

I want to be with him so bad. I love him so much that it hurts. But I broke his heart.

And I know why I did it. I didn't do it because he doesn't know much about me. I didn't do it because I doubted us.

I lied to him.

I lied to myself.

Maybe a part of me wants to get revenge (I know, how atrocious).

I'm Rachel Berry. I don't hold grudges nor do I like "getting even". But even stars have to stoop down.

He broke my heart so many times. I hardly complained.

People assume that I'm always bubbly and happy. And that's why I'm such a great actress.

I'm not. Beneath the huge smiles and encouraging words, I'm broken (okay, so I might be slightly exaggerating).

As awful as it sounds, I have no idea why Finn & I "took a break". I don't know why I even thought of revenge (it disgusts me).

I'm even more lonely and I miss him.

I got my period today (two days after Finn and I took a break).

Turns out, even future star Rachel Berry gets a horrible case of PMS.

I don't get angry or sad. I just get insecure. And that's why I felt like Finn didn't know me.

It explains everything really.

Except for the fact that he thinks that it's his fault.

I'm going to fix this.

I prepared everything- my famous "I'm sorry" cookies, I wore a new dress, and I even promised myself to apologize.

When I went to his house, he was out. With Quinn.

I wanted to die.

But instead (being the mature young woman I strive to be), I gave the cookies to his mom and told her to tell Finn to call me (note: I may or may not have shed some tears and explained everything to her).

A few minutes after I arrived home, he called.

A few minutes before, I would've been ecstatic and apologize profusely.

Who knew 5 minutes could change everything?

"Yes?" I answered sharply.

"Rachel! Oh my god. My mom just said you left. I got your cookies- they're great. Look, I'm sorry too. Can we fix this?" he asked eagerly.

"That was 10 minutes ago." I explained.

"Um, okay?"

"You went out with Quinn." I announced calmly.

"Yeah, I did." He answered, confused.

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Bowling, lunch, some shopping for- where's this going?"

"Oh. I think you know where this is going, Finn Hudson."

I heard silence for a while before he spoke again.

"Finn Hudson? You never call me that. Wait. Are you mad?" he asked carefully.

I didn't answer.

"This is twisted, Rach. You tell me you wanted space-"

"No! I said I wanted to take a break." I interrupted, tears threatening to fall.

He sighed in frustration. "Isn't that the same thing?"

"It's not." I replied quietly.

"You usually confuse me, but this- this is just getting weird!" he said, irritated.

"I'm sorry." I let a tear drop. "I- We didn't need a break. I got my period and-"

"Whoa. Too much information."

"Anyway." My voice getting quieter. "I was insecure. Still am, actually. I wanted to take a break for no reason. It's so dumb, and I should just kill myself… I'm going to be a star who lets her menstrual cycles control her? The mere thought of it just so ridiculous."

"Oh. So it's like PMS?" he offered.

"Yes." I sniffled. "I'm sorry. Can we fix this?"

"Yeah, of course. Can I come over?"

"Okay. Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for being such a kind, considerate, patient boyfriend. I know I'm difficult and emotional and annoying…" He doesn't say anything. "And, you're still here. So thank you."

"Hey, that's what boyfriends are for, right?" he laughs. "To stand by their crazy, PMS girlfriends?"

I giggled, happy that he was adorable, dopey Finn Hudson.

"I guess… I'm happy you're in my life."

"Wow. Mood-swings much?"

I laughed and silently thanked God Finn was in my life.

"I love you, you know." I told him, my voice unusually gentle and soft.

He didn't say anything and put down the phone.

For once, I decided to not over-analyze it and just wait for him.

He arrived 11 minutes later, holding a plate of terrible-looking "I love you too" cookies.

And I laughed.

Author's Note:

Confused? So am I. Hahaha.

I have a few things to explain first before you jump into conclusions.

First, haven't you noticed that Finn and Rachel's romantic relationship was never stable? It was always up or down. And while I hate writing things like that- it was just them, you know? The nonsense drama and Finn's confusion. It's 'Finchel'.

Second, I thought about it and how many times have girls gotten angry at a friend or a parent or a boyfriend for no reason? Then you realize later that you got your period? Yeah, happened to me a kazillion times. When I see the blood though, I relax. Because it's just PMS. I know it sounds so twisted, but it's the truth (I often get really insecure when I'm about to get my period).

Third, that's why Rachel was asking those "questions"- because she felt insecure, because she was PMS-ing. I didn't wanna make up some excuse like Jesse came back for her or something. I just wanted to make it more realistic.

Hope that clears up some things! Haha. Next chapter will be cute and light-hearted. Do not worry, people.

Have a good day gleeks!

P.S. So overwhelmed with how many email notifications I get- you guys are so awesome with all the favoriting and reviews! Thank you guys so so so much! :D