(Prologue: Ness)

I'm falling…

I land on a bed of leaves. I sit up, rubbing my eyes — is this some sort of forest? It looks like one of those exotic jungles, with vines stretching down from boughs, a tall green canopy, and swathes of leafy underbrush consuming the ground. The fall took the wind out of me, and I'm breathing heavily as I rise, yet I stand firm, trying to stay alert.

I begin to look around, but there's nothing in sight except a towering mass of trees. I think I'm alone, save for the gentle sound of birds and the soft rustling in the hedges. Glad for some peace, I start walking down a well-formed path, bordered by a range of purple and yellow flowers.

But my happiness is interrupted by a low growl at my side. I dread to look, but I must. I turn.

The Face looks back at me.

I panic, bolting, but it gives chase. Out of the corner of my eye, I can make out a malformed, shadowy body. Blood red eyes, coarse hair, muddy brown and dirty. It breathes, gruesome and monstrous, so much faster than me.

So, I steel myself. I turn and face it.

It growls as it slows, bringing itself close to my shaking chest. The smell is noxious, of rotting flesh, and its eyes stare into mine, past my exterior, deep within my soul. In that one second, I'm certain it knows everything I am, everything I ever will be.

A clawed hand grips my wrist. The beast's majesty overturns my stomach, great and powerful, yet cruel and unloving.

"Ness... all mine..."

"Get away!" I scramble to break free. "Why won't you leave me alone?"

"Hungry..." it hisses, pressing a cold finger against my lips. I convulse, my breathing quickening. But to my right, there's a brilliant flash of blond. It cannot be…

"Let go of him!" Lucas yells, swinging a stick, covered in dirt and panting. Alarmed, the Face recoils, its red eyes pulsating. But it raises its fists, yelling in a fearsome act of rage.

"Lucas!" I cry.

"Ness!"

It's two versus one now, and I take Lucas's hand, confidence brewing within me. But something strange happens when our hands link; my palm begins to glow. It's like the fire, the scorching fire from the forest, from the nightmare I had before. In a moment of rashness, I thrust my glowing hand forward, and I gasp as an enormous fireball appears.

But the flames only anger the beast before us. The heat doesn't even damage it, only spurs it on, and it hurtles towards us like a steam train. My legs begin to shake. All instinct yells at me to submit to it, to let it have its way. Then, suddenly, its mouth opens impossibly wide, and I feel myself lifting, floating, and I scream myself hoarse as the black maw engulfs us whole.

.

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~~o00o~~

Chapter 3: Over Fire

(Ness)

~~o00o~~

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.

.

My eyes flash open, and I'm still screaming. The world is caving in. It's dark, so dark, I'm terrified, did it get me? Is it here? What if it's outside the door? What if it's outside the window? It's so cold — just like when it was there before! I pull the covers over my head, in a dire panic.

And my blood runs cold when I hear a voice.

"...Ness?"

It's Lucas. Thank goodness. He must've been awoken by my screaming. But where am I? I feel around, remembering I'm in bed. It's okay. My screams stop.

"Ness?" Lucas whispers again, fear edging into his voice.

"Nightmare. Sorry," I say.

"It's here." His voice quivers. "I think the Face is here."

A thrill of horror courses through me.

"Are you sure?" I whisper, a bit too high-pitched, the panic returning.

"It was in front of me," he says. "I had a nightmare, and it was there — it was looking at me..."

Frightened, I pull the covers further over my head. Chills trickle down my spine. All I can think about is the Face, what it's doing, what it's going to do to me and Lucas. Lucas, so far away, probably shaking just as much as me.

There's silence. Dead silence.

You're almost a man, says the snide voice in my head. Why don't you behave like one?

I lift the covers slightly. The sunrise streams through the window, illuminating the room, revealing...

Nothing.

It's just as we left it.

I jump out of bed, running to my counterpart. "Lucas, it's all right!"

But he doesn't move.

"Lucas?"

"Are you sure?" he asks, his voice still shaking.

I nod emphatically. "There's nothing — I don't know what you saw, likely a shadow or something. You only had a fright, that's all."

Lucas emerges slightly. I see his eyes glistening a little bit, and I feel a pang of guilt.

"I've not been that scared in ages," he whispers. "What has it done to me?"

I raise my eyebrows, a little bit surprised. Lucas isn't often afraid. I'm usually the cowardly one... it seems the Face has really gotten to him.

"We saw something awful," I say, moving over to sit on his bed. "You're shaken up."

"I suppose…"

"Don't worry about it." I give him a hug, as if that furthers my point. "We're safe."

"What happened in your nightmare?" Lucas asks, and it's obvious he's changing the subject.

"Oh," I say, but I stop myself. That information might frighten him even more. "I'd rather not say..."

"It'll help," he tells me. He sounds stern, but calmer now. More like the Lucas I know. He sits up, and I cave in, explaining the nightmare.

Lucas listens attentively. He's a great listener, saying all the 'okay's and 'mhm's in the right places, and I can tell he's listening because his eyes make little movements when something catches his attention.

There's a slight pause after I finish.

"I had the same dream," Lucas says. "Except, well, I was me. Did we share a dream? Is that possible?"

"I don't know…"

Fortunately, the topic of dream-sharing ends up distracting us from any thoughts of the Face, and we end up talking until the morning. Before we know it, the clocktower chimes for breakfast, and we're headed down the stairs.

"All right?" Villager asks, coming alongside us from his dorm. "Red's gonna be late, claimed he had to organise his textbooks…"

"A shame," I say. "Have you seen Toon Link anywhere?"

"No. 'Course, he might've snuck out and had a party again—"

"Of course not, he would have invited us, right?"

"Of course, of course," Villager says. "He'd better, I like a good party."

Lucas makes a disgusted face. It's no secret that he doesn't like parties whatsoever.

Suddenly, Toon Link comes dashing down the stairs, ploughing right through us. "Cannot stop — watch out — Bowser!"

Someone roars, and then the mass of Bowser sends Villager hurtling to the floor with a cry. Some other students snicker, and Villager picks himself up, grumbling.

We soon reach the dining hall.

"We should save some food for Toon Link and Red," Lucas decides reasonably, ignoring the violent chasing noises still coming from the corridors.

"Oh," Villager says, grinning. "This'll teach him for knocking me over…"

By the time we're done, we've got ourselves, Red, and Toon Link bowls of cereal. But of course, we're not that generous. With evil grins on our faces, we smear a layer of strawberry jam beneath their oatmeal, making sure to keep it hidden. They'll have no hope of detecting our genius.

Toon Link is the first to arrive, sporting fresh bruises from a Bowser-Beating. He's laughing though, so there's no time for concern.

"What happened this time?" Villager sighs.

"Same as usual, Bowser being a git."

"Could you be more specific?" Villager asks, and Toon Link grins, spreading his hands.

"All right. Picture the scene. 7 a.m. I'm walking down the corridor 'cause I couldn't sleep. But in the music room, there just so happens to be this brand-new gong..."

We exchange a humoured glance.

"So, I take it, and I bring it into the corridor. You know me, I cannot walk past anything noisy. Now, I made sure to avoid Ryu — it was his turn on night patrol duty, you see. He was peeking around the art block, I think he was painting something. Perhaps a special gift for Rosalina. I had to bring the gong down the west corridor, and I just so happened to pass Bowser's office door..."

Villager, Lucas, and I exchange another glance. We all know what is coming next.

"...See, I just couldn't resist," Toon Link admits. "I gave it a great hit, like this—"

He stands up, miming hitting something with his spoon, and we burst out laughing.

"And it made a wonderful noise, it's a wonderful gong," he says appreciatively. "I think Bowser may have heard, though. He went chasing me around, so I hid in the cupboard, you know, the broom cupboard. But that meant I was trapped. Bowser stayed outside the cupboard for, I swear, an hour, and you know what he's like, he doesn't let anything go. I had to bolt when he turned his back, but he saw me, and then we ran into you all. He caught me in the end, and he hit me with the beater for the gong — it left quite a mark..."

"You must've got a high pain tolerance," Villager says. "You sure you're okay?"

"Oh, yes." Toon Link beams. "I'm used to it now."

"Whatever happened to the shy, quiet Toon Link?" I ask. "The one who got bullied by all the rich boys?"

"Dead and buried. I'm his brother."

We're momentarily stunned, but Toon Link bursts out laughing again.

"Your faces! Come on, I'm not that clever. I suppose I just grew out of that phase."

Breakfasts are often like this. Toon Link is wonderfully loud and brilliantly engaging with his stories. Even if he's a bit of a headache at times, I'm glad we have him around.

Red finally arrives, and to my surprise, he looks quite happy.

"What took the time?" Villager asks, his oatmeal nearly all gone.

"I got caught up in a book," Red admits. "All about the evolution of the human race, I strongly recommend it. Anyway, is this for me? You are very kind." Red takes his bowl of oatmeal, and Lucas looks a little guilty.

"Aw, you got us food? You lot…" Toon Link sits, taking his bowl as well.

In perfect synchrony, the two of them put their spoons into the oatmeal. They take a simultaneous mouthful. I brace for the reaction...

"Eurgh!" Toon Link exclaims as Red tries to force it down. "What is this? What have you done? What have you monsters done?!"

"Is there..." Red gulps, affronted. "Strawberry jam in that?"

We burst out laughing.

"You absolute peasants!" Toon Link exclaims. "Come on then, who was it?"

Villager instantly points at me, and Lucas gives me an evil wink before doing the same. Toon Link turns to me, mock fury filling his visage, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"All right, you're for it now," he says. He advances with his bowl. I stop laughing, alarmed, and I'm far too slow. Toon Link empties the bowl of oatmeal over my head.

Silence ripples through the dining hall. The spoon clatters to the floor.

I breathe in and out.

"You — wretch!" I exclaim. "What the hell?"

Laughter breaks out among the other students, and I turn crimson with embarrassment.

Toon Link is cackling, because of course he is. The whole school is laughing at me. Even the professors! I shake with embarrassment. What the hell was he thinking? I'm a laughing stock. One day into the term, my reputation is in the grave.

"Ness," Lucas begins, but I cut him off.

"Don't bother."

I storm out of the hall.

I'm dripping milk and cereal everywhere. It's a mess, everything's a mess. My hair is sticky with jam, my shirt ruined. I want to hide, run and hide somewhere, probably clean up first, but how? Without being seen by anyone who missed it? Oh, whatever, everyone will know sooner or later — this sort of story spreads like wildfire. I run into the boys' bathroom and strip off, tearing open a shower curtain. What was he thinking? What did I do to deserve this? I wrench the shower's pump, grumbling to myself as the cold water falls over me, calming me down a little bit. It'll be all right, everyone will forget... won't they?

I grab my clothes and wash them under the shower, but I curse when I realise something. Of course, I forgot to bring a towel. Of course! And a change of clothes — damn me, why can't I be organised, why can't I think things through, like Lucas?

Lucas. Lucas sold me out to Toon Link. I hope he feels bad now.

What an awful thought.

I bury my head in my hands. He's my dearest friend. What the hell is wrong with me?

It's your fault.

It's my fault. My idiotic rash thinking. Now I'm going to be stuck in the shower forever and ever because I forgot to bring in a towel — no wonder I'm a disappointment to my father! I cannot get anything right.

Suddenly, I hear the door to the bathroom slam open, two raised voices ringing out. I hold my breath, very glad for the shower curtain. The other boys always laughed at me in Sport class.

"I've told you, it's no matter." A firm, yet calm tone. "The headmaster has it under control."

"It's not fine!" another voice says, and it sounds a lot more panicked than the first. "They don't know of the danger, Ryu. Consider the letters from the parents when they find out — and we don't want all the fees — and all the chaos — and then everything else that could happen..."

"Marth, hold yourself," Ryu says. "People mustn't know."

"They'll start noticing the disappearances sooner or later!"

"I told you. I have it under control. Stop being so noisy. I know people who can help."

"Ryu—"

"End of discussion," Ryu says, and I hear the door clattering shut. Marth uses the toilet, grumbling, but soon enough, he's gone as well.

Quiet returns, and I carefully peel back the curtain. Disappearances? I hadn't noticed anyone disappearing. It's only been, what, half a day so far? Nobody disappears in such a short amount of time. Right?

Unless the Face was here last night...

I jump as I hear the noise of metallic scraping — no, it's okay. Those are just people finishing breakfast.

It's going to be all right.

It must be.

I come out of the shower to an eerie silence. The gas lamps flicker.

I'm not sure what to do. There's a long walk to my dorm, where all my clothes are, long enough for everyone to see my bare arse. The alternative is wet clothes, which still wouldn't be great, but I suppose I could deal with that...

But someone knocks on the bathroom door. Unusual. Who knocks on a communal bathroom door?

"Hello?" I say, getting back behind the shower curtain.

"Ness! I knew it."

I breathe a sigh of relief. It's just Lucas.

"Thank goodness," I say. "I, uh, have an emergency. I have not brought any clothes with me—"

"Ah, you goof." His voice grows louder as he comes into the room. "That's why I brought some for you."

I'm rendered speechless.

"I had a feeling you'd forget," he continues. I'm sure he's shrugging. "I figured you'd want to wash… after… and, yes." There's the sound of clothes dropping. "I've left the clothes out here. I'll wait for you."

Lucas leaves, and I feel my face turning pink. I wish I was that thoughtful. I don't know how he knew I'd forget, though it's no secret I'm not the best at forward-thinking. He knows me too well. I quickly dry off and get changed, finding Lucas waiting outside. There's a pause.

"You sold me out," I blunder.

You're going to be cruel? After all he did for you?

Lucas recoils. "I'm sorry — I should've thought — I'm sorry—"

"It's all right, you weren't to know what would happen." I backtrack fast, cursing myself. "Now, I overheard something in the shower…"

I tell him. His eyes go wide.

"Disappearances? What if it's the Face?"

"That's what I thought. What do we do?"

"I'm not sure." He turns behind him, checking there's nobody with us, before lowering his voice. "Perhaps need to start researching, keeping an eye out. Even if the professors don't believe us, it's our responsibility, right?"

"But how?"

"We could check the library?"

"No, thank you." I grimace at the thought of scouring those dusty shelves.

"Well, if you'd rather we all died gruesome and grisly deaths..."

"Fine," I say, instantly giving in. Lucas has this unearthly ability to make me do almost anything. "After school today — oh, I missed my timetable."

"It's all right," Lucas says. "I've got it here."

"Well, thank you for being sensible. Whatever would I do without you?"

"Also, Headmaster Hand said our detention is tonight. It'll be unusual, apparently."

"Unusual?" I sigh. I'd forgotten about that. "All right. What lesson have you got first?"

"Arithmetic," Lucas says. I check my timetable. Business Studies. I frown. "It's all right," Lucas continues quietly. "At least you don't have Olimar and Meta Knight in your class. Plus, look, we've got Art and Sport together, and we've got History and English Literature, too. That's four out of seven."

But I fold my arms. "Meta Knight and Olimar? You tell me if they hurt you, and I'll beat them up so hard that—"

"No," Lucas says firmly. "No fights this term. They got you in enough trouble already."

"Fine," I say. "I suppose I should go to Business, then. I'll see you later, all right? At the library. Or at lunch?"

Lucas smiles at me. "See you there."

He turns away, and I find myself staring for a moment, wondering how I landed up with such a good friend.

"Come on!" Professor Wario bellows suddenly, thrusting his head outside the classroom. I hurry in to some laughter, cursing myself again. "Seating plan…" Wario sneers. "Ness, you can go next to… Bayonetta."

I sigh. Bayonetta is one of those disruptive working-class girls. I scan the room for any familiar faces. There are not many.

"Money," Wario says, staring around at us all. "Money."

Everyone looks blank.

"Moooooooooooooooooney."

Silence.

"Life is all about money. The more money you have, the more you're worth, yes?"

I sigh with disagreement. Lucas is dirt poor, yet he's worth so much more than me. Villager, too — his family scarcely gets by, but he's dependable, and he knows how to have a good time. Like the perfect mix between Toon Link's chaos and Red's rationality, even if Toon Link managed to be a world-class git this morning. Come to think of it, I reckon Toon Link lives to cause as much chaos as possible.

"Do I smell oatmeal?" Popo asks, leaning over with a toothy grin. "I think it's coming from over here…"

"I'm not listening, Popo."

"Haha, you know it's only jokes, my boy! Don't be a silly goose."

"Sure," I say.

As if. Popo seems to think that to be friends with someone, you have to be the most irritating person in the world. He succeeds in being irritating. But strangely, he doesn't have any friends.

"Your exams are coming up!" Wario yells, making everyone jump. He cackles. "That woke you up, hm? I'm going to be working you to the bone this term. Everyone here is going to be getting an A, or you've wasted my time, and I'll be expecting compensation..."

I bite my lip. I'm not sure how he expects us to get an A when he's such a hopeless professor. We've had, what, quite a few minutes of the hour-long lesson already? With nothing to show for it.

"Starting a business," Wario says, drawing a large pound sign on the chalkboard. "To start a business, you need to have an idea." He gets out several large booklets, and whispering breaks out.

"SILENCE!"

A hush falls over us.

"These booklets I bought," Wario proclaims, waving them in the air, "With my hard-earned cash, apparently contain the structure for a complete business plan. I haven't had time to check — what with — anyway, by the end of the term, I expect everyone to have a finished business plan. And I mean finished! This will count towards 50% of your qualification. Be warned that I'm a very harsh marker..."

Everyone looks at one another, nervous. But I stare at Wario in utter disbelief. I knew this term was going to be hard, but this booklet has what, hundreds of pages? And they'll all have to be filled in.

"Though, first…." Wario sneers. "A test on the previous term."

I roll my eyes. The previous term was a disaster. Wario drilled his personal business principles into us as well as a load of statistics about his own, mostly illegal, businesses. It was all useless, trivial facts like his turnover from the last three months. Nobody bothered to remember them.

"Question one…" Wario snarls. "Hmmm, Bayonetta, you can go first."

She looks attentive.

"What is my first principle of business?"

"To make as much money as you can while doing as little work as possible," she says. I'm impressed, I must've underestimated her. But some boys near the front jeer.

"Bayonetta, Bayonetta, she bedded a thousand men, Bayonetta, Bayonetta—"

"All right, that's enough," Wario says, waving them off. If it had been anyone else, he'd be screaming at them, but those boys are all the golden heirs from the Fourth Residential District. They've all inherited huge fortunes from their rich daddies and, as far as Wario is concerned, that's an automatic pass on his first business principle.

"It's all right, Bayonetta," Popo shouts. "We all know those boys secretly toss off to you in their bedrooms. It's simply their way of showing affection."

The boys all mutter, grumbling among themselves.

"Popo!" Nana, his twin, scolds.

"Nana," Wario sneers, enjoying the show. "Disruptive behaviour? You can have the next question."

"How is that fair?"

"What is my business principle number two?"

"Life isn't fair, so take advantage of that," Nana says hurriedly. "But—"

"You just answered your own question," Wario says. "Now, Ness! You've been far too quiet. How much money did my business, Wario's Wallets, make in the third trimester of last year?"

"Two thousand pounds?" I say, despite not knowing.

"Two thousand and twenty," he corrects, his lip curling. "Disappointing, Ness. Professor Ryu tells me your father makes a fair sum of money. Clearly, you lack his skills. I'll have to write home..."

"That's hardly fair!"

But Wario sneers. "Respect your elders, Ness. I'll be sure to mention your poor discipline, too."

And that's exactly why Wario is my least favourite professor. Bowser is awful, but Wario is somewhat intelligent. He knows how to get to people. Bowser uses pain as punishment, while Wario will dig into your deepest insecurities and exploit them for his gain. I suppose that's a business skill. My father is going to be disappointed, I'm sure. Again. This has been the worst lesson ever.

Several questions pass by in a dull haze, and soon, the test is over. The rich boys answer everything wrong, of course, but they don't get letters sent home.

"Now..." Wario looks around the classroom, greedily rubbing his hands together. "Time to start your business plans. Use the principles and the examples of my great wealth as inspiration."

"Aren't you going to tell us how?" Nana asks.

"Excuse me?" Wario raises his caterpillar-like eyebrows. "What do you think I get paid for?"

"To teach, perhaps?"

"No!" Wario scowls. "Business Principle one. Make as much money as I can while doing as little work as possible. Now, get started!"

Muttering breaks out, and Wario returns to his desk, sifting through a drawer full of golden coins. Strangely, we're encouraged to talk in lessons. Wario so craftily made the seating plan that if we do, it'll be extremely uncomfortable.

"Do you have any idea what to do?" Bayonetta asks, opening the booklet. It takes a moment to realise she's talking to me.

"Uh, no," I say. "This thing doesn't have anything inside it."

"Oh, you're right." She turns through the pages, rolling her eyes. "Honestly, it makes me wonder why I took this subject."

"My father demanded I did," I say.

"Well, I have to make money, and I thought this was the best way." Bayonetta closes the booklet again with a sigh. "It's been incredibly unhelpful."

"What do you need the money for?"

"Heroin," she says.

"Okay!" I exclaim, trying not to sound like I'm judging her.

"You're judging me," she observes. "You rich boys always judge. But I need it."

"Need it?"

"I need it." She grimaces, a touch of desperation in her voice. "Life on the streets — I got hooked, I tried some once — the withdrawal is bad, man. I ended up courting some blokes for money, just to pay for the school term."

I'm speechless.

"Sorry, I'm not usually so open!" She laughs. "Blazes, I must be scaring you. I'm not being proper. You're too sheltered to know about the street life."

"It's okay," I whisper, worrying that Wario might overhear more than anything being 'proper.'

"Y'know, Popo was right about those boys,'' she continues. "At least half of them have made passes at me. But I turned them all down."

"Howcome?" I ask. "Aren't they rich? Wouldn't that be a better way to get money than… you know...?"

She laughs again.

"Well, men aren't quite my type. I prefer women."

"Oh, okay," I say, though inside, I feel my heart beating a little faster. Not so many people are so blatant about that sort of thing. It's the sort of idea that's swept under the rug, that the adults don't want you knowing about. Saying it out loud can bring a lot of trouble, especially with the law. Father doesn't like people like that — sodomites, he calls them.

The lesson continues with an uncomfortable silence between us.

"Homework, work on your business plans," Wario says, once it's finally over. "I expect a lot of progress..."

"Yes, professor," everyone says, tipping their caps as they leave.

"See you around, Ness," Bayonetta says, smiling. I follow in a sort of confused daze.

"Men aren't quite my type. I prefer women."

For some reason, that struck a chord with me. I've heard about sodomites before, but in a far-off sort of way, like people from another country or an exotic sort of animal. Perhaps it's just the feeling of being different? Perhaps it's just — I've never cared much about courting, I suppose? But it's not the time to worry about love, it's time to find my next class. English Literature with good old Bowser… at least I'm going to be with Lucas.

The only good thing about Bowser is that he doesn't play favourites. He hates everyone just the same, snarling at every single one of us as he waits for us to arrive. I nearly collide with Lucas by the doorway, lost in my thoughts, but he avoids me just in time.

"Hello," he says. "How was Business?"

"Tolerable," I say, coming out of my reverie. "But watch out. There's a test on Wario's principles, and he wants us to write a business plan."

"What?" Lucas's eyes are wide. "I don't remember any of them."

"I failed the test," I admit. "He intends to write to Father."

"Oh, Ness..." Lucas pats me on the shoulder. He knows all too well about Father's expectations.

"Forget the principles and the test, though," I mutter. "A whole business plan sounds nigh on impossible."

"Well," Lucas says. "Sometimes businesses are partnerships." He looks at me shyly, and I frown.

"You mean, we work together? Do you think that's allowed?"

"It's a fair business model," he says. "I think it should be."

I grin. "Thanks, Lucas. You're brilliant."

"No, I'm not." He goes a bit pink. "You are."

"Perhaps we're both brilliant?"

"And yet, we must brilliantly attend English Literature with Bowser."

"Bowser is a git," I declare, speaking as if it's the harshest insult ever. Lucas still laughs, of course.

We enter the classroom. Bowser's too lazy to make a seating plan, so I get to copy Lucas's work this term. Unfortunately, a familiar cackle tells me that Olimar and Meta Knight have chosen to sit behind us. Even worse, a boy I don't recognise sits next to Lucas, and another boy I don't recognise sits on the other side of me. Lucas and I give each other a discomforted glance.

"Hullo, I'm Pit," says the boy next to me.

"Nice to meet you," I say.

"And I'm Dark Pit," says the boy next to Lucas. "The better Pit, if you will."

"He's wrong. I'm the better Pit," Pit says. "Mother likes me more, after all." It's only then that I realise the two are nearly identical, with the exception of Dark Pit's suitably darker hair and clothes.

"We're twins," Pit explains.

"Well, in a manner of speaking," Dark Pit says.

"Not really," adds Pit, confusingly.

"I'm Ness," I say.

"Nice to meet you, Ness."

"Very nice to meet you, Ness."

"I'm Lucas," Lucas whispers, barely audible.

"Speak up there, sir—"

"—I don't think we—"

"—Can hear you."

"I'm Lucas," he says, louder.

"Nice name," Pit says.

"Very nice name," Dark Pit agrees.

Pit sighs. "Don't listen to Dark Pit. He's a suck-up."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

Lucas and I glance at each other for a fraction of a second. We're thinking the same thing. We have no idea what to make of them.

Bowser eventually comes back into the room, seemingly in a thunderous mood. We tip our caps, but he already has a cane in his hand.

"All right, you miserable collection of offspring. I'm here to teach you English Literature, and you're here to learn it. So, there will be no talking, no speaking, no socialising, and certainly no communicating!"

Toon Link has his hand up. I hadn't noticed him come in, but I'm glad to see him.

"Yes?" Bowser snarls.

"Professor, they all mean the same thing. You just repeated yourself five times."

The Pit twins laugh, and so do I, but then I remember I'm supposed to be angry with him. I stop laughing, and I glare instead.

"Hilarious. See me after class," Bowser says. "Anyway! This term we will be studying poetry."

Everyone groans.

"Poetry about love and relationships!"

Everyone groans louder.

"I dunno why Headmaster Hand couldn't choose the power and conflict poetry, but is it the way it is." Bowser rubs his hands together. "Each lesson, we will go through a poem from the list. Today's poem is Sonnet 68, by Shakespeare."

He opens an enormous tome and ever so slowly copies the poem onto the blackboard.

"A load of sappy nonsense, if you ask me," Bowser says. "Nana, read it out."

Nana rolls her eyes, clearing her throat.

"Thus is his cheek the map of days outworn,
When beauty lived and died as flowers do now,
Before these bastard signs of fair were born,
Or durst inhabit on a living brow;
Before the golden tresses of the dead,
The right of sepulchres were shorn away,
To live a second life on second head;
Ere beauty's dead fleece made another gay:
In him those holy antique hours are seen,
Without all ornament, itself and true,
Making no summer of another's green,
Robbing no old to dress his beauty new;
And him as for a map doth Nature store,
To show false Art what beauty was of yore."

Nana stops. I blink. I'm quite sure only three or four words in the whole poem were English. Lucas is looking blank as well. The Pit twins laugh a bit, uncertain.

"Well, what the hell did that mean?" Bowser asks violently, pointing at Bayonetta. "You, woman, tell us!"

"Well, Shakespeare is obviously talking about his lover," Bayonetta replies. There's a small gasp.

"Impossible!" Bowser exclaims. "How do you know? This..." He jabs his finger against the board. "Is foreign."

"It's in old English," Nana says calmly. "Which is a form of English."

"Mmmm…" Bowser hums. "I remember Peach telling me she liked English. If it wasn't for that wretched Mario..."

He bashes his first on his desk, angry now.

"Any other ideas!?"

"Well, it's a tad vague," Bayonetta muses. "But I think there's a certain symbolism to—"

"I'm not talking about the poem!"

"Then about what?" Toon Link calls out, exasperated.

"You're supposed to tell me! You're all mean! Annotate the poem in silence for the rest of the lesson! And if I hear any talking…"

He hits his cane against his hand, right in front of Lucas's face. Lucas swallows.

"...Then THIS will be your punishment!" Bowser yells, whacking Toon Link in the head.

"OW—"

"QUIET!"

The rest of the lesson passes in complete silence.

Lucas and I hurry out of the room when it finally ends, ready for lunch. I'm starving, and I'm exhausted from being on edge for so long. I can hardly wait for the day to be over.

After lessons, we'll have free time to do homework, go out onto the school grounds, visit the library, or even take a trip to the baths. Headmaster Hand likes his luxuries, and with our school favoured by the Onetian Council as well as with multiple generous donations from the worst man in the world, Porky Minch, there's plenty of money to be spent. That's why we have showers, a treat that even my rich father cannot afford. And a giant golden statue of an apple, which I think is for showing off more than anything.

Speaking of Porky, he's done a fine job messing up Lucas's life, but he's also had a go at disrupting mine. He was rumoured to be behind the explosion in my father's mines, which trapped ten workers and caused us terrible debt. We had to pay Porky's construction company to repair the damage, but the prices kept mysteriously hiking up. Porky also often approached me with bribes for information about Lucas, all of which I refused to accept. He tried again with threats, but I was resilient. I always have been, when it comes to him.

Villager joins us in the lunch queue, cheery. "Good to see you're clean, Ness. Toonie went a bit far, hm?"

"You bet," I say, and I grin. "He's for it, this lunchtime. This has become a war." Mercifully, most others seem to have forgotten the oatmeal incident. Besides, it's not like I hadn't already thrown my reputation away — upperclassmen like me aren't supposed to be friends with lowerclassmen like Lucas.

Eventually, we get our portions, sitting at our usual table.

"Good morning?" I ask Villager.

"Oh, not bad," Villager says. "I was with Mega Man in Trades. D'you know him, Lucas? Claims to be in your business class next, tell him I said hello."

"Okay," Lucas replies with a mouthful of pie.

Trades is a strange subject. It's mostly learning how to build things, while also learning how to be a blacksmith, use saws, and make obscure wooden shapes. Villager swears by it; he wants to be a builder when he's older.

"How about you?" he asks. We tell him about the unusual Pit and Dark Pit, and I mention the loud Bayonetta.

"Bayonetta?" Villager frowns. "Isn't she a bit, y'know…"

"Well, yes," I say. "But she's nice enough. She's a sodomite, by the way, so don't start talk."

"A sodomite?" Villager looks alarmed. "What — she said that out loud?"

"Oh, lighten up Villager." Toon Link grins, arriving. "It sounds fun to me. Illegal activity? Marvellous for the health."

Lucas spits out his food with a mix of shock and laughter.

"Toon Link," Villager scolds. "Don't say things like that. D'you wanna be sent to the gallows?"

"Sodomites are only men," Red says, appearing. "And who's getting executed?"

"Nobody," Villager sighs as I hit the now choking Lucas on the back.

"Good, because I've had a rather terrible morning," Red complains. "I reckon the jam incident has given me bad luck."

There's an uneasy silence. There's still unresolved tension over that.

"Ness," Toon Link begins.

"It's okay," I say hastily. "But I'll have my revenge."

"Oh. Oh, you're on!" Toon Link grins, the relief clear in his voice. Chaotic as he is, he usually knows when he's messed up.

"What've you all got after lunch?" Villager asks, changing the subject.

"Double Arithmetic."

"Double Business," Lucas says timidly. Everyone groans with sympathy.

"I have Double Business as well," Red tells us. "Which I'm not looking forward to! Extended Arithmetic is a lot more fascinating. Father said I had to take it, though..."

"Likewise," I say. I'm fairly sure all of us have father issues of some kind, except perhaps Villager. His mother is the scary one, while his father bends to her will. Unfortunately, that meant Toon Link compared Villager's parents to Macbeth and Lady Macbeth during English Literature last year, and Villager and Toon Link had therefore stopped talking for weeks.

"I've got Double Music," Toon Link says, looking at his timetable. I would've studied music if it wasn't for Father demanding I took Business. Lucas and I are part of the school orchestra; I play the harp, and Lucas plays the piano with alarming skill. Toon Link commands the percussion; there are timpanis, cymbals, and of course, the brand-new gong he discovered this morning.

"Lucky," I say.

"Don't worry, I've got Arithmetic too," Villager says, which lifts my spirits. Spending time with Villager is easy, there are no uncomfortable silences, and there's no expectation to be someone else. Marth is a decent teacher, too. He's firm but fair.

The clocktower rings. I ruffle Lucas's hair before leaving, and I join Villager for our trek to the classroom.

"What d'you think we'll be doing?" Villager asks.

"I don't know," I say. "So long as it's not too difficult."

"Oh, you know Marth. I think he makes up mathematical formulas in his spare time… oh, great. Look who it is."

I look. It's Popo. I raise my eyebrows. "I thought you did not mind him?"

"He's next to me in Geography," Villager says lightly. "He seemed to think tearing up my work was funny."

I nod. "In Business, he kept making odd comments about Bayonetta..."

Someone rudely shoves past us. No surprise, it's Meta Knight and Olimar. But they don't seem to be headed for Arithmetic, instead, they're talking in low tones. I shush Villager, and we listen.

"It'll be ready by Friday?"

"Yes, he told us that already..."

"Excellent." Olimar rubs his hands together. "Lucas won't know what hit him."