okie dokie. here is chapter 9 of all of ya'll.

and let me just say that i was MAJORLY frustrated at the end of yesterdays epi. i mean COME ONNNNNNNNNN. they were sooo close to fully admitting that they felt something for eachother. and the lights just HAD to come on and Luke just HAD to call and Andy just HAD to ruin it -_- urggggggggggg next week better have something really good in it like... oh like Andy breaking up with Luke. that would be AMAZING. as you can tell, im hating on Luke right now -_-

Rookie Blue and its original concepts do not belong to me.

Enjoy!

My heart clenched and I heard Traci gasp.

"Since our main priority is to keep her alive, we had to medically induce a coma to keep her stable."

"W-wait," I stammered. "Are you telling me that Andy... that s-she's..."

"Yes, Andy is in a coma."

I was hearing this high pitched ringing in my head.

Coma?

Didn't bad things happen to people in comas? Oh god. She's in a coma because of me.

I realized that I was opening and closing my mouth like a fish out of water and worked to say something.

"I... but she... I...coma?" I didn't manage to make much sense of my words.

I felt a hand slightly pull me backwards and into a chair. Instinctively, I tried to push the person away and get back to the doctor who had the answers to the questions I couldn't voice.

The person however, had a good grip on me and forced me down again. I looked up into the cool eyes of Boyko.

"Just sit down for a minute, you hear me?" he said. "Just sit down and let us figure out what we can." I started to argue, but he cut me off.

"You'll get nothing done with the stammering that's coming out of your mouth right now. You may as well sit down and let us ask the questions that we know you want to ask yourself."

Again, I felt as though I should be the one to ask the doctor the questions and I began to say so, but again I got cut off and this time, the voice was stern with authority.

"Sam Swarek, you stay in this chair until I tell you otherwise. That's an order."

Years of working with him had me shutting up and sitting down.

He gave me one last look and moved back to the doctor who was now talking to Jerry and Oliver.

I looked across the room to see Traci being comforted by Epstein and Williams.

I exhaled loudly and dropped my head into my hands.

Andy is in a coma. A coma for crying out loud. I heard that it could take patients ages to wake up from one. That is if they wake up at all.

The panicked voice in my head was drowning out the practical one telling me that people do wake up from comas and it could happen in a very short time.

That voice was also telling me that she was alive. At least she's not dead, she's still alive and breathing.

But honestly, what is better? Being dead or being a vegetable for the rest of your life?

I could still clearly remember my grandmother telling me all those years ago how she decided to let my grandpa go after him being in a coma for a week.

She had said that she would rather have him happy in heaven then half alive in a hospital bed. Was she right? Well not the 'happy in heaven' part, but the 'better letting go then being half alive in a hospital bed' part.

No. No she wasn't.

I decided then and there that even if it took all of forever, I would never give up on Andy. I would never 'let her go'.

I couldn't let her leave, I could never do that. It may be selfish but I didn't care. I let someone leave all those years ago, I'm not going to make the same mistake twice.

God, when had I gotten so mushy? With all of this 'I'm never letting go' and the sudden epiphanies and the clashing feelings inside of me.

I didn't want to admit it, but it was inevitable. I felt something for her. I feel something for her. Something I've only felt once before. Something I swore to myself that I would never feel again. Never let myself feel again.

But there it was, like a slap in the face. It wasn't easy to ignore. I didn't have to do anything about it, but it was time that I admitted it.

Not to her of course. That would be a stupid move on my part, one of the many I have made just recently.

She's with Luke anyway. She wouldn't want me when she has 'Mr. Perfect'. She said so herself, he was everything every woman could ever want in a man.

I've never been that. Everything a woman could want? Nope. I've never been that, and I never could be that even if I tried.

I didn't have Luke's perfect face or perfect smile or perfect charm. I couldn't flirt effortlessly like he could and I couldn't draw women like magnets like he does so well.

Why would Andy even consider someone else, let alone me, when she has all of that?

Now that's what you call wishful thinking.

Besides, she seems to be happy with him, not that she actually shares details of her relationship with me.

In fact, every time I bring him up, she kind of mumbles an answer and changes the subject. Obviously relationships aren't her strongest point.

But then again, they weren't mine either

I have tried to tell myself that I'm around her all the time because she was my rookie and I was a good training officer, but that was a lie.

I'm around her because I want to be. Being around her just makes me... happy.

The thought of not having that anymore was frightening. Yes, the high and mighty Sam Swarek is afraid. Afraid of losing someone who is so important to me.

I didn't like being afraid. It was a weakness. Something that was a strike against you. I'm not weak, and yet I'm afraid for Andy's life.

And besides this whole thing was my fault. As much and everyone told me it wasn't, they knew it was. I know it was.

How is it any fair that I'm out here with barely a scratch while my rookie was in there in a coma? How does any of that make sense?

How am I going to sleep at night knowing that Andy is lying alone in some dark room in an uncomfortable hospital bed?

How was I going to look at her, knowing that I caused her so much pain?

I couldn't. I just couldn't bring myself to see her like that. Unmoving on a hospital bed with tubes and wires coming out of her.

I couldn't do that, I just couldn't. I couldn't sit there talking to her not knowing if she could hear me or not. Not knowing if she'll wake up and remember anything. Not knowing if she'll wake up at all.

I couldn't handle that. Now right now, even though part of me longed to see her, to touch her, to have some sort of contact with her.

I was afraid that if I saw her, that I would break down and just lose it all together.

I raised my head to see Traci standing next to Epstein with Jerry. Dr. Reinfrew and Boyko were still talking in hushed tones while Williams and Oliver stood nearby.

I slumped back I the chair shaking my head.

God, I hope this is all just a really really bad nightmare, and that I'd wake up and Andy would be alright. But the sinking feeling in my gut told me that this was no dream, this was really. It was really happening.

I raised my eyes to see Boyko and Dr. Reinfrew walking towards me.

"Officer Swarek," the doctor began. "Would you like to see her?"

mkay. so thats the end of chapter 9.

look forward to chapter 10 tomorow. fingers crossed. and yay finally in the double digit chapters :)

aha

xoxo thedarkangel22