A/N: Alright, I'm back in action! Thank you for all my reviewers! I've started replying to you guys, just because I want these A/N to become shorter, so there's more story.
Enjoy the chapter!
Chapter 9 – Friends
Bella's POV
I couldn't get him out of my head. I couldn't stop thinking about him, not for one minute out of the day. Why hadn't he come to see me? Why were things so difficult? When would be a good time for me to go see him? I didn't think I could handle him turning me away again this soon. It had only been two days, for Christ's sake.
Edward had come by yesterday. He had fed, which was a good sign. He wasn't entertaining the idea of turning me into a vampire without hesitation anymore. We had stayed in my room, talking quietly. Charlie would check on me every few hours and Edward would disappear in a flash. After the second time he checked on me, Edward had decided he would go for the day. He said he'd come back the next day.
"Actually, I was thinking of calling Jessica, or Mike. You know, hang out with my old friends from school," I said. I didn't really want to see Mike or Jessica. But I didn't know if I could handle another 6 hours in my room with Edward. Not when my head was wrapped around Jacob and Edward was the reason he wouldn't see me.
"That sounds like a good idea. Can you aim for Angela or someone other than Newton, though? The boy's obsessed with you," he said and I rolled my eyes.
"Just like someone else I know," I muttered under my breath. For some reason, I thought his vampire hearing might be cluttered today. It wasn't.
"You think I'm obsessed?" he asked, straightening up a little. I let out a little breath as he walked towards me. He hooked his arms around my waist and rested his forehead against mine.
"I guess so, if you think what Mike has with me is an obsession. I haven't even SEEN him since graduation," I said, shutting my eyes and just focusing on the cool embrace of his forehead against mine. "We've been hanging out so much lately, I haven't even thought about hanging with anyone else."
"Well, I thought that's what soul mates do? They spend most of their days together," he said. I tried not to tense at the words he used. I pulled back to look up at him.
"Let's just drop it? I'll see if Angela wants to get together," I said. He gave a brisk nod and then stepped forward. He kissed my forhead and when I opened my eyes, he was already at my window.
"You have my cell number. Call me if you need me," he said and I nodded. As he left, I went and shut the window. I locked it, pulled the curtain closed and then turned to glance around my room. Surprsingly, I felt relief flood through me. That wasn't right. When someone's boyfriend left, weren't they supposed to feel lonely? I settled with the idea that I wasn't most people.
And Edward wasn't most boyfriends. He was a vampire. Something that I had so longed to be.
I had gone downstairs to call Angela.
Now I was standing before my mirror, caressing my appearance. I had taken to straightening my hair and layering on a light strand of eyeliner and mascara. I found myself nervous, ringing my hands as I waited for Angela. She hadn't ever seen me like this, andI wondered what her reaction would be. A horn honked outside.
At least I was only in a pair of jeans and a tee.
Apparently it didn't matter. As Ang saw me exiting the house, she jumped out of the car.
"Whoa, Bella!" she said. I could feel the blush creeping around my cheeks as I made it to her car. She came around and hugged me. I couldn't express how nice it was to feel someone warm touch me. I settled into her arms and let out a sigh.
"Come on, I can't wait to get to Port Angeles. I was thinking we could have lunch at the pizza place there, and then window shop," she said. I nodded my agreement. As long as I didn't have to try on a bunch of clothes.
The ride to Port Angeles went quickly. I spent most of the time keeping her talking. I hadn't heard about my friends in so long. Apparently, Mike and Jessica were still trapped in their on and off relationship. Angela was single now, wanting to focus on her online classes. She rarely got out, she said, so coming out with me today was like heaven.
She pulled up in front of the pizza place, expressing how lucky she was there was a spot right out front. We ordered our pizza and sat down at a table with our salad plates. The unlimited salad bar was amazing, and I couldn't wait to get to it.
"What about you Bella? How have you been? And Edward?" she asked, her eyes catching mine. I glanced to the salad bar. I knew this topic of conversation was coming. I wanted to avoid it for as long as I could.
"Let's get some salad first? That way we can eat while we talk," I said. She nodded her agreement, but I think she could sense my unease about the subject. Obviously, I took my time at the salad bar. I placed the olives in a delicate arrangement around my plate, atop my salad. Aftr another minute, I found which dressing I wanted and splashed some on. I turned back to the table where Angela was waiting with her salad prepared.
I let out a deep breath. I knew Angela would ask about me. That's one reason I had always asked Jessica out. As long as I kept her talking, she never felt the need to talk about me. But I think I HAD chosen Ang for this reason. I needed to talk about my situation to someone. Since Edward was the situation and Jacob wouldn't talk to me, Angela was the best companion I had. My best female companion. Maybe she knew something about how I was feeling. I set my plate down on the table.
"It's a delicate subject right now," I said softly. I started pushing the leaves of my salad around on my plate. Angela stayed quiet, probably hoping I would continue on my own so she wouldn't be prying.
"I just... I don't know when things changed, with Edward," I looked up at her and she placed her hand on mine gently. I dropped my fork and grabbed her hand lightly. I needed something holding me to the earth right now.
"He came back, and I was so happy. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I wanted to have so much with him," I said, fighting back the tears. My voice was strained. This was the first time I'd admitted what I was going through out loud.
"I don't think I love him the same as I did before, Ang. I think he lost me when he left, and I just never realized it," I whispered. Angela's other hand was wrapped around mine now. She was so empathetic, I could feel my feelings radiating from her.
"Oh, Bella, it'll all be ok... Have you talked to Edward about this at all?" I was already shaking my head, bringing my eyes to hers.
"He can't know... If he did, he'd be so furious. He loves me so much, earlier today, he said we were soul mates... And he's so jealous... He'd think it was someone else," I said, using my free hand to dab at my eye lashes. Maybe I shouldn't have worn make up today.
"Is there someone else?" she asked. I glanced up at her and then looked out the window of where we were sitting.
"I don't know," I said softly. I could feel her gaze leave me and look out the window also. After a moment, she squeezed my hand.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked. "I'm always here for you, Bella."
I realized then what a good friend I actually had. I didn't know why her and I hadn't hung out often. I pinpointed it after a moment's thought. Edward. I had wanted to become a Cullen, a vampire, and if I did, it was already going to be hard enough to leave my parents. I didn't want to get my friends attached to me anymore than they already had been. I felt a tear slip from the corner of my eye and left it to trail down my cheek.
"My best friend, Jacob... He was here for me when Edward left. I spent so much time with him, and I never had romantic feelings for him... Until Edward called one night. The night Jacob and I kissed," I said. My hand went absent mindedly to my lips.
"Ever since then, things have been so hard... Edward came back, and Jacob won't see me now that he's here. I hurt him, Angela, I know I did. He's so brave, so smart, and funny, and I left him to come back to Edward," I ended, nearly in a whimper. I felt like a horrible person. Angela obviously didn't see it that way.
"Edward left you, Bella. He has to deal with the consequences of his you fell in love with someone else, while he was gone, then you deserve that happiness. You can't stay with the one you gave your heart to in the beginning if someone else has it now," she said. I turned to look at her now. Her eyes were so soft, but there was a fire behind them. She was determined to help me.
"I think you need to talk to Jacob, and Edward. You need to tell Edward about your kiss with Jacob, or it's going to eat you alive. I know it's going to hurt you, it's going to hurt him, but you both deserve happiness. You need to find out what is best for you, Bella, and not worry about who's going to get hurt in the end. It's like that one song, by Glenn Frey, you know? The One You Love? Edward made you cry, he hurt you, Bella. Jacob stole your heart in the meantime, and now Edward wants to come back and act like everything's better? That't not how it goes," she said. I wanted to break down and cry right there. I couldn't tear my gaze from hers.
"So what are you going to do, Bella? Are you going to stay with the one who's in love with you, or go to the one you love the most?" she asked. I felt it overcome me then. Tears slipped from my eyes and I couldn't hold them back. She came over to my side of the booth and wrapped her arms around me.
She was incredibly right. In every way, she was right. I knew I should go back to Jacob, I should be with him. But how could I just leave Edward? How could I leave all of the Cullens? I loved them all so much, and once I chose a werewolf over them, they would never talk to me. There was so much Angela just didn't understand, and it hurt so bad to know I couldn't tell her everything. I didn't have anyone I could confide in. I settled for letting my tears fall onto Angela's shirt.
After several minutes, I pulled away and she helped me clear up my make up. She dropped the subject and I was quite glad. It wasn't until we were walking through the streets of Port Angeles that she brought it back up again.
"So Edward seriously called you guys soul mates?" she asked. I took in a breath and nodded, briskly. "Wow, I didn't even know anyone still believed in soul mates around here..." We walked past a particularly cute store. There were some nice looking, casual dresses inside. My eyes were caught by a pair of low cut tight jean. I felt myself wondering if Jacob would like them.
"Come on, let's go inside," Angela said, grabbing my hand on tugging. I planted my feet.
"I thought we were just looking?!" I asked, feeling too girly.
"I see the way you're looking at those clothes, Bella Swan. Let's see if we can find anything that will make your friend Jacob's mouth water. Make him forget all about why he's not talking to you," she said. I let out a breath and stopped resisting. She was going to make me fall in love with Jacob, and I didn't even know how. I was already in love with the thought of getting dressed just for him.
Angela was the best female friend I could hope for. She knew how to make me feel better, yet help me talk about a difficult subject. She knew when to drop it and not press too hard. She was exactly what I needed today. My day away from Edward. My day to think without his presence pressuring me. And look at what I was doing.
Jacob's POV
My conversation with Billy was in the corner of my mind all the time. It wouldn't leave me alone; it nagged at my insides. Whenever I phased, I felt the pack's emotions reaching out for me. They felt my pain. They sympathized with me. I couldn't handle it. I rarely walked around as a wolf lately. It was a catch 22.
Today, I was sitting at the top of the cliff we had just jumped off of a few days ago. I remembered feeling care free, hopeful, happy. I wanted the feelings to come back. I wanted the day Bella had come over to not exist. I wanted my conversation with Billy to have never happened. I wanted to be free again.
But Bella had suckered me back in. She had come to me, and I had to turn her away. She had a bite on her neck, and even now, she could be preparing to become a vampire. I jumped up from the ground and crouched in a protective stance. I'd heard a shuffle behind me.
"Chill, Jake, it's just me. Let me get my pants on," Embry said, leaning over behind a bush. I relaxed and just let myself fall to the ground. I rested on my stomach, bringing my hands up so I wasn't resting my head in the dirt.
"Please, be more dramatic," he said as he came out from behind the bush. I grumbled under my breath. He set himself down beside me, facing the cliff and overlooking the ocean.
"How's the search holding up?" I asked. I turned my head so I could see him. He was nodding.
"It's still going. We only have one wolf on patrol at a time though. We haven't seen that leech in like four days. She's usually more frequent than that," he said, pulling his knees up to his chest and looking at his nails. Something was bothering him. I think I knew, but I didn't want it to come up. So I said nothing.
"So... What are you going to do about Bella?" he asked, and I cursed under my breath. So much for don't ask, don't tell. I rolled over onto my back and then rolled up, leaning back on my elbows with my feet stretched out in front of me. The horizon really was pretty today, for being so overcast and chilly.
"I'm not going to do anything. She's made her choice. Now I just need to help her keep it that way," I said. I felt him looking at me. I didn't dare turn my head. I could already feel anger and denial rolling through him.
"That's not fair, Jake! It's not fair to her, or you! And it's certainly not fair to us. We have to live with you in our minds, Jake. We hear you all the time, and the way you're pining, when you know you could get her back, it's pathetic!" he yelled. I tried to not let his words sting, but they dug home.
"Then just wait until I imprint on someone," I grumbled. Embry was shaking now. I turned to see his fists balled at his sides, his whole body on edge.
"It's tearing us all apart to see you like this over some little girl who's a vampire's pet. You were supposed to be our alpha! It weakens us, makes us feel so low, knowing our supposed alpha was such a pussy," he said. I forced his words to the back of my mind. He was angry. He had truth to his words, but he wasn't expressing them how he wanted to. I wouldn't let his anger upset me so much to fight with him. I turned and grabbed his shoulders.
"I can't MAKE Bella come back to me, Em. If I do, I'll never know whether she really wants me, or if she just doesn't want that leech. If I pressure her, she's going to think she has to run into my arms. If I bring her back, if I go after her, then everything is my fault. I don't want her blaming me months, or years, down the line when she realizes she never made the decision to stay with me on her own," I said. He was calming, focusing on my words. I released my grip on his shoulders and just sat in front of him on my knees.
"I want her here, too, Em. You don't understand how much. I keep it as light as I can when I shift. You guys only feel half of what I feel when I'm human," I said, looking down at the dirt between us. He had stopped shaking completely now. Apparently I had made some sort of sense with my speech.
"You need to stop pushing her away when she comes back, then. I think Bella wants to come to you, but she's afraid. When I patrol around her house, I feel her unease when the blood sucker is there. Things aren't the way they used to be. Even Sam has said so. But if you keep rejecting her, you're going to lose her, and she'll be stuck in some self abusive cycle she never wanted to be in but felt she had no choice," Embry said. He got to his feet and I watched him. He made sense, I know he did. But could I take that leap?
"Embry!" I called, as he disappeared into the trees. His head popped back from behind a tree. "Thanks for coming to talk to me," I said, quietly. I knew he'd hear me. I lowered my head.
"No problem, bro. Just do us all a favor and work this out as quickly as you can," he said. I heard him rustle through the branches and then mutter under his breath. "You're both a couple of pussies."
I couldn't help a small smile as I turned back to face the cliff. I wonder what Bella's doing right now? I wonder if she's with that leech, or if she's at home, making dinner for Charlie. Is she thinking about me? Has she thought of me since I told her she shouldn't have been here? Was she at Edward's now, leaning backwards in that leeches' arms while he prepared to bite her? I balled my fists a little and glanced around me.
I really hope both Bella and I stopped being such wusses.
A/N: Let the action, begin! Review, damnit! I want to write so badly, but I think I want you guys begging for the next chapter... It's going to be awesome. I've got the next 15 chapters planned out. It's what I've been working on while trying to figure out how to write this one. Just help me set the pace to see how fast I spit them out!
A great big thank you to EnglishVoice for the suggestion that I reel Bella's friends into this. Now you know what Ang is thinking. Also, thank you to Daisypeach for my longest review yet, and inspiration to continue planning out my story. You really got me into gear last night. Keep reviewing to tell me how I'm doing. I miss you Yarnellllll!