A/N : Ohhhhh, my god. I passed 10,000 hits. I'm almost at 11,000! I'm shocked. I never thought this story would take off like this. Let me say thank you again, to all my reviewers. You keep me alive. I totally outlined this story and dragged it out to 46 chapters. And that's if I don't add in reviewers suggestions, which I've already started to do. So make it 47 chapters.
So, to reiterate; THIS STORY WILL BE AT LEAST 47 CHAPTERS! MAYBE 200,000 words. I'm going to aim big, but we'll see. It might be just under.
I'm hoping to have this story finished within the next month. And then I plan on starting another one. I hope you all will follow it over. I've got so many plans. I'll let you know as we near the end of this fanfic.
Chapter 21 – Crisis
Edward's POV (My readers all KNOW they want to see this POV)
I don't remember the run from the La Push treaty line to my home. In contrast to how long it had taken me to reach Bella, this run home seemed to only last the blink of an eye. I opened the door to my house and the door splintered and fell to the floor. Apparently I had pulled on it too hard. There would be something else I'd pull too hard.
I could sense Rosalie in the house. I pinpointed her, climbing the stairs to her room.
I wonder if Emmett will want to go hunting later on- her thoughts were then broken by the sound the door made, splintering off the hinges. I caught sight of her then, standing at the top of the stairwell. She turned on her heel to run but I was already right on her backside. I caught her around the back of the neck and flung her down the stairs. She tumbled once but landed on her feet, turning to face me. I was already on her again.
"Emmett!" she screamed. The sound triggered my memory of Alice's voice just an hour earlier. She tried to fend me off, tried to get back onto her feet. Her nails raked across my face and I caught both her hands, squeezing so hard just to try and break her wrists. Her eyes were the most frightened I'd ever seen. I wasn't thinking. I didn't care about her. I'd lost what I cared most about.
"What the fuck are you doing, Ed?!" Emmett said, yanking me off his girlfriend. Two seconds couldn't have passed since she'd screamed for him. He sure was quick to her defense. I was crashing into a wall, hoisted off my feet and into the air against it. Emmett's hands were on my shoulders, acting as pins to keep up a poster. I kicked at his stomach and sent him backwards, making him release me.
Rose was on her feet, keeping him from falling. I made a grab for her again but the whole brigade had shown up.
"Edward Cullen!" Esme yelled. Huh. In one day, I had heard this woman yell for the first and second time in my life. It caused me to stop in my tracks, turning my eyes to her. She apparently just got there, as her hair was still falling still around her shoulders. "You will STOP this, right now! All of you are acting like a bunch of children! No more fighting! We sit and talk, like civilized people!"
Alice and Jasper were standing behind her the next moment.
"But we're not people, are we? We're VAMPIRES. Leeches. If I was a normal person, none of this would have happened!" I yelled, wanting to attack the woman that looked at me with such sympathy, and anger. I didn't know how the two could combine into one look.
"You wouldn't even be here if you were normal! NONE of us would! That's the point of this! To keep Bella from having to deal with eternity when she didn't want it!" Rose yelled at me. Emmett was tilting her head around, trying to find wounds. A bump, a cut, a bruise. Anything he could use so he could attack me for a good cause. Apparently he found nothing, and Rose tried to wave him off her. She stepped forward.
"Edward, you're insane. You've been driven over the edge-"
"And who's fault do you think that is?" I spat, glaring at her. She stopped, her mouth agape. Apparently, she didn't think she was to blame. I blamed her. I blamed Emmett. I blamed everyone except Alice. She was the only one had been trying to help me get Bella back.
"So now that you helped Bella, do you feel better about yourself, Rosalie? Is something great coming out of the fact that you ruined my relationship with her, my life, you jealous bitch?" I asked, taking a step toward her. She stepped back. "Did some empty hole in your chest fill, for the child you can never have? The emotions you can't feel like a human? The ability to not want to chomp down on every human that passes you by?-"
"Edward, that's enough!" Esme cut in. She stopped me before I could even get to the parts I really wanted to say. Either way, Rosalie's eyes were beginning to swim in rivers. Emmett pulled her away from my glare, running his hand over her face. So many thoughts were running through my head. I reached up and touched my cheek. I felt three jagged nail lines and pulled my hand away. Blood.
I couldn't distinguish between my thoughts and theirs as they bombarded me. I couldn't comprehend. Then Alice's thoughts ran straight through me.
"Alice," I turned on her, suddenly. Jasper stepped forward, as if he was going to protect her from me. Like I would attack her. I needed her. "Can you see Bella? Has she changed her mind? Can you see anything?"
Alice looked more pale than usual. She glanced at Rose, at Emmett. Jasper squeezed her shoulder. She was trying to find a way to not help me? Ok, maybe Jasper WOULD have to protect her. Suddenly, she closed her eyes, searching. My heart liffted. So I wouldn't have to kill both of my sisters.
It was silent. It felt like an eternity. She made no movement. I read her mind, saw her searching. I felt her waiting, for something. Anything. I felt anxiety flood through her, and in turn, it flooded through me. She opened honey eyes to look at me, shaking her head. She didn't need to. I saw everything she saw. Nothing.
"Edward, I'm sorry-"
"That foul, nauseating creature is clouding your thoughts. She could still want to come back. He's just in the way, interfering now," I said, looking at her. She looked ready to cry.
"Edward, give up. You know as well as we all do that Bella isn't going to come back. Not after all this," Jasper said. I could feel a wave of calm going over me and I fought it. No! He wouldn't do this to me. I fought it, tooth and nail.
"What did you even DO, Edward? What happened when you went to La Push after Bella? You obviously didn't break the treaty. You'd either be dead or we'd have a pack of wolves at our door," Rose said, behind me. I turned to look at her. Emmett was wrapped around her like an envelope. Apparently he didn't realize I could hurt Rosalie best with words. Jasper wiggled into my emotions and calmed them some more. I couldn't stand the feeling. Thoughts, glimpses really, of what I'd done when I went after Bella flashed through my head. My mouth slipped open a little. No... I hadn't really done any of that.
The look on my face changed everyone's attitude. It was like someone lit a fire under Esme. She came towards me and grabbed my shoulder, shaking me roughly.
"Edward, what did you do?" she asked, looking me in the eye. She was several inches shorter than me and she looked like she was going to eat me alive. I didn't respond. I couldn't. I still saw Bella lying in a heap on the other side of the treaty line. The wolf, mashing his teeth in my face. Bella's over turned truck.
A smack struck my cheek and rang throughout the house. I felt my control snap again. I think Jasper was so shocked by Esme's action, he lost control of me. I whipped my head back and she stood face to face with me still. I bared my fangs. As any mother would do with an over temperamental child, she stepped forward, her eyes daring me to try something. She was brave.
Even though she had become a vampire after me, even though I was technically older than her, I couldn't attack her like I had Rosalie. Even though she wasn't my mother, there was an air of complete respect around her. I could yell at her, spit words at her, be emotional, but I could never lay a hand on the woman who was my maker's wife.
But I knew I couldn't control myself anymore. Jasper had kept me under his hand long enough for me to realize what I had done to Bella. He couldn't rein me in again. I was too much. I knew I was too much. I glanced at Jasper and Alice before her eyes glazed over a little. I had made my decision, and she was watching it. Before she could come out of her spell, I darted threw the wall of vampires and down the stairs. No one came after me.
I left the front door where it laid.
Jacob's POV
All I could do was sit there. Sit there and shake, wishing I had enough control to go and see Bella. The memory of her, crumpled on the porch, shot through me. It made me shake more. I wanted to hold her in my arms and whisper about how sorry I was. Sorry for everything. For letting her go four days with that murderous leech. Sorry for not being there to help her. For not coming to her rescue, instead of Quil. Tell her how sorry I was that I had lost control and attacked Quil, when nothing was really his fault. I actually owed him a lot.
But mostly, I wanted to apologize for my behavior in general. I had lost control and left her when she no doubt needed me most. The thought made the shuddering start to die down. As soon as I got control, I could go back and see her. I could do all the things I was thinking about now.
I grumbled a little, trying to reel in my thoughts. How could that blood sucker ever entertain the idea that I would leave her side? That he could scare me off? How could he ever have threatened her, and scared her so much to make her jump out of her truck? Hadn't he just said that he loved Bella and that he would never hurt her?
But he had hurt her... I knew that before, even before I had comforted her last winter. When he had left her. Again, when he kept her from coming to see me. Again, physically, when I saw the bruise on her wrist. I saw it in his eyes, that night I imprinted and I had found him on the way to his home. He had hurt her again. The thought made prickles run down my back. I should have gone to her then, when he looked at me like that. What had he been doing to her since she had left me that night?
My heart felt like it was being squeezed inside my chest. I needed help. I wanted to be at Bella's side so badly, but I couldn't keep these thoughts from overcoming me. The thought of losing her, every time I looked at her, I felt ready to lose control. How would I be able to sit at her side and listen to her tell me what happened? How could I not phase in the front room when I saw what damage had really been done to her?
There was a rustle in the bushes. I didn't move from where I was now sitting against a tree, my knees pulled up to my chest. I knew it was Sam. I could sense him, even without being a wolf. He stepped into view and I looked up at him. He had a pair of shorts in his hands. He waited until I opened my hands for the catch before throwing them to me. He turned away to give me some privacy while I changed, though it was uncalled for. Being werewolves, being connected, we never had privacy. Our thoughts were the packs'. They knew everything. It was a nice gesture though. I got up and pulled the shorts on. He turned back to face me then. I hung my head in shame, waiting for the reprimanding.
"It happens to us all," he said. I looked up to watch him peering around at the trees leaves, above us. He was avoiding my gaze. What happened? Hadn't I been the one to attack a pack mate? My face must have shown my confusion, because he stepped forward and rested his hand on my shoulder. He looked like HE had been the one to turn on his pack.
"Jake, none of us blame you. Or have any ill feelings toward you, for that matter. This was all of our doing. Not one of us can say we didn't play a part in it," he said, looking me in the eye. The raw emotion I felt there almost made me stagger backwards. "I especially, take a large part of the blame. If it weren't for my alpha order..."
"Don't, Sam... I'm sure you only gave the order thinking it was what I wanted," I said, looking away from him. Watching the guilt swim in his eyes made me feel two centimeters tall. I was such an ass. All of this was way too out of hand.
"I did give the order thinking it was what you wanted. But I should have watched what I said... Or I should have had someone go after Quil. I knew he was upset. We had just had a meeting, and he was so frustrated about how we were handling the situation... I feel like I'm failing as an alpha here," he said. Before I could say anything he laughed. "Want to help me out here and take over?" My heart shot around in my chest before he laughed and said he was joking. I was grateful. I didn't think I could handle so much. I wasn't leader material right now. If ever.
"Sam, you're doing better than I ever could. Better than I ever could hope to. I don't think anyone thinks you should change. They respect every order you give. And not only because they have to," I said. His hand slipped off my shoulder and I felt like he took a large weight off my shoulder with him. I was already feeling lighter, better, by just talking to him. He was looking around at the forest again.
"I hope they continue to respect me... I can't imagine what would happen to this pack if someone tried to over throw me," he said. I felt like we were reaching into a way deeper subject than this meeting in the forest called for. I wanted to veer away from it. I couldn't handle anything else hanging over my head right now.
"How's Quil?" I asked, trying to change the subject. He turned to look at me, smirking.
"He feels like an asshole. He didn't know what was going on with him. Don't worry about him, Jake. He was over the line," he said. I nodded a little, though I wanted to say I had stepped over the line first. I would tuck the thought into the back of my head to discuss with Quil later. Fighting with Quil wasn't like fighting with Paul. Quil was one of my best friends. And he had saved my mate, no matter the other circumstances. I owed him my life.
I felt a heavy cloud pass over our conversation now. I glanced up at him and he was looking at me, looking like he didn't really want to say what he had to say next.
"Becoming werewolves... It changed us all. It gave us a lot of power, a lot of different perks," he said, leaning against a tree. "But it also gave us less control over our emotions. In short, we can't let them get the better of us, Jake." I let out a breath and leaned against a tree opposite him. I stretched my hands over my head. This is what I needed. I wanted to talk about how to control these things. I needed to manage my emotions.
"I know I can't. I just don't know how to deal with this, Sam. I feel so messed up, all the time. I'm fighting the phase all day, every day... Maybe I should just stay a wolf all the time," I muttered, kicking at some wood chips at my foot. He laughed out loud. I glanced up at him.
"None of us want you to be a wolf all the time, trust me," he said. I smiled, realizing no one wanted my thoughts in their head that often. His laughter died down and he became more serious again. "But you need to work on this. All of us, I think, fight the wolf, all the time. But your wolf is so locked away, and your anger runs so deep... I'm afraid for you."
Right then, I felt like I never wanted to shift, ever again. All anger drained from me and I felt guilt, depression, and fear replace it. If my alpha was afraid for me, did that mean I was a lost cause? Did it mean I would never really master my temper? I didn't think I could handle that. Having to walk around all the time, wondering if the next thing would set off an attack. I straightened against the tree.
"I'll work on it," I said, my voice coming out a lot stronger than I felt. Sam nodded a little.
"I figured you'd say that... I'll work with you when I can," he said. He looked like he would rather walk on fire than say the next thing he was thinking. He dragged it out. I itched in anticipation.
"Can you handle seeing Bella, and talking to her? Without phasing? Or should Emily and I take care of her?" he asked, and my eyes wandered over him like he was crazy.
"No! I can take care of her! She's my imprint!" I yelled, already letting my temper get the better of me. Sam understood this kind of temper though. It was the anger that ran through a werewolf when he felt unable to provide for his mate. Sam had gone through this when he'd scarred Emily. There was a pause between us. It dragged on for an infinite amount of time.
When he finally spoke, it was in his alpha tone.
"She's distraught. We don't know what she's been through, but it wasn't a trip through the daisy field. She can't handle your temper, and she can't see you phase in the living room. If you can't control yourself, it's better for you to leave her alone. She's going to want to confide things in you, tell you everything that happened. She misses you, she wants to talk to you," he said, then paused again, letting his words sink into my head.
"But she's already feeling guilty. She saw you and Quil get into a fight over her, and she thinks Edward was right," I ran my hand through my hair, not knowing if I wanted him to go on. "She thinks we're going to give her up to the vampires. I can see it in her eyes. She thinks she should do it herself, but she's so terrified of going back to the Cullen's. If you don't think you can sit at her side and listen to her talk about her pain, and stay there, then stay away, Jake."
I knew what Sam was doing. He was running me through a test. He was telling me all the things I didn't want to hear, to see if I would shift. He was making sure I was safe enough to be around Bella. The pain of not being able to help her overrode my intense desire to shift.
I knew Sam's words were nothing compared to what I would feel when I was sitting next to Bella, listening to her talk about the leech. What if he'd forced himself on her? What if had kept her locked up? How had she gotten away? Hearing any one of these answers from Sam or one of my pack mate's would have been intolerable. But hearing it straight from Bella's sweet mouth? Watching her eyes looking straight up into mine, begging me to help her.
As I thought of this, I thought I would shift on the spot. I had purposefully thought about these things to see how I would react. I pictured her face as she told me, so I knew whether or not I could take care of my mate.
I found myself already walking towards the house, needing to hear her. I needed to be there for her, and this was something I would not fail at.
A/N : Hoooo kay! When I planned out this chapter, there was supposed to be another section here, but I'm already hitting 3 ½ k words, so I'm going to cut the chapter here. The next sections are going to be too long to attach here.
And let me tell you, you guys are going to FLIP for the next chapter. You have no idea what's coming.
Anyone have a guess as to where Edward's going? I bet you you're wrong!