14. The Gibbs Says Uncle Affair

Part 1. McGee and Abby

McGee walked back into Abby's lab carrying a Caf-Pow for her and a Pepsi for himself.

Abby accepted the Caf-Pow gratefully and took a long swig.

McGee glanced at his watch. "Gibbs is going to be calling pretty soon, Abby. Are we ready to summarize what we got?"

Abby nodded sharply and McGee followed her over to one of her work benches.

"The cassette tape, that has Ducky's message on it," Abby said, holding up the little black plastic cassette. "A brand made in England thirty years ago, and never exported to the United States."

"And from that we can deduce our kidnappers are British and like to hang on to their old technology."

"Perhaps, McGee," Abby said. She turned and placed the tape into a tape recorder, t hen pressed the start button.

"We hear Ducky's voice," murmured Abby.

"All right. Okay. Let me see here..."

Abby stopped the tape. "Hear that rustle of paper?" she said. "Obviously he's reading from a script."

"Obviously," agreed McGee.

"Or rather, a single piece of paper that he's deliberately playing with. But that doesn't really tell us anything, except that his kidnappers were prepared.

She pressed start again, and smiled almost tearfully as she could imagine Ducky's appearance as he said his next words.

"I'm sorry...I can't read this. This handwriting is atrocious."

Abby stopped the tape again.

"Perhaps not so prepared," she announced. "They had to handwrite the script, instead of typing it up on a computer. Carelessness?"

McGee shrugged. "At least we know we're looking for someone with rotten penmanship."

Abby gave him the eye, then pressed the play button again.

"Just read it," came a different voice.

"Ah ha!" cried Abby, stopping the tape again.

McGee nodded knowledgeably. He'd been with Abby when they'd tested this part of the tape; he knew what she was going to say.

"Whoever that is speaking, is not in the same room with Ducky," said Abby. "And he's not disguising his voice, either. I'm still running it through the database, though."

McGee reflexively glanced over to the little visual aid screen that was checking all known voice-patterns against the voice on the tape.

"He sounds English, too," McGee said. "Received pronunciation, like Rowan Atkinson."

Abby nodded. "Correct. Okay, what's next?"

She started the tape again.

"All right. Let me see.... no...I'm sorry, this handwriting is worse than mine. Good god, how do you expect me to decipher this?"

"No help there," murmured McGee. "He's just complaining about the handwriting. No clues of any kind."

"Unless he's implying that the man's a doctor?" said Abby. "After all, doctors are supposed to have atrocious handwriting."

McGee grimaced. "Well…maybe."

"Yeah," agreed Abby. "Just a maybe. Maybe he's saying that just to get the other guy talking, and so it's not a clue at all."

She hit the Play button again.

"Say you are being treated well."

"He sounds a little bit annoyed there, doesn't he?" laughed Abby. McGee grinned at her. "He sure does."

She started the tape again.

"Oh. All right. Well, yes. Jethro, I am being treated well. Except for the fact that I'm being fed peanut butter sandwiches and my only entertainment is watching old television shows..."

"What does he mean by that, I wonder?" said McGee. "Old television shows?"

"He really emphasized the word "old," didn't he?" agreed Abby. "Old TV shows, and peanut butter sandwiches. Well, that proves he's been kidnapped by men, with no women in sight."

"How do you work that out?"

"If his captor was a woman, she'd be giving him decent food to eat, McGee!" Abby said impatiently! "She'd at least be putting pickles on the peanut butter!"

"Nobody puts pickles on their peanut butter, Abby!" argued McGee. She just gave him the eye again, then turned back to the recorder.

"We agreed about the sandwiches." came the other voice.

"That's right. Strike that comment, Jethro. The food is supposed to get better. I..."

"That's enough. Turn it off now."

And there was a loud click as Ducky turned off the tape recorder.

Abby turned it off too.

There was a beep, and they both turned to look at the Voice Matcher. There was no match for that British voice on the tape.

"Well, that tells us who it isn't," McGee said ruefully. "A new player, not someone in our radar."

Abby nodded.

Her telephone rang, and she and McGee exchanged glances. They knew it was Gibbs, calling for an update.

Abby hit the speaker button.

"What do you have for me, Abs?"

Abby told him what they'd gleaned from the tape, then moved on to the other information. "There's not much of it, Gibbs. Whoever has snatched Ducky is a pro. The handwriting on that note you received, along with the cassette, it's definitely a man's hand, for all it's printed in block capitals. I ran it through the hand writing database, and didn't get any hits on it, either.

There were no fingerprints on the cassette, or on the tape used to seal the box. The address on the box is a different story. The numbers are clearly written in the British style, just more proof that our kidnapper is English."

"Anything else, Abs," Gibbs said. She didn't like that trace of disappointment in his voice, and bit her lip. But, the truth was the truth. "That's it, Gibbs. We're still trying to figure out who Ilya Kuryakin is. He's not in any databases that we've been able to access to date. The only thing that's coming up is a line of motorcycle accessories!"

"Start getting information on an organization called UNCLE, instead."

"Uncle?"

"UNCLE. United Network Command for Law and Enforcement."

McGee's eyesbrows rose. That sounded like something interesting…

"And someone named Nicholas Sykes. I'm sending you his photo now. Tony snapped a picture surreptitiously just a few minutes ago."

"Who is Nicholas Sykes, Boss?" asked McGee.

"According to him, he used to belong to this organization, UNCLE. They were a crime fighting organization back in the sixties. Ilya Kuryakin was his partner. Some sort of exchange program with the Russians, to combat some kind of criminal organization that had infiltrated most countries."

"You're kidding," said McGee excitedly. "It really exists? A world-wide criminal organization bent on taking over the world? Like the Thousand Eyes of Su-Maru?"

"I don't know what that means," said Gibbs. "This is me you're talking to, not DiNozzo."

"Right, boss. Sorry, boss."

"Anyway, according to Sykes, it used to exist, but they destroyed it. They being UNCLE. After their success, UNCLE was disbanded, and all the agents went their separate ways. Changed their names and disappearing into the fabric of society. Nobody's seen Kuryakin since 1983."

"Do we even know if he's still alive?" asked McGee.

"If nobody's seen him since 1983…" began Gibbs with an edge in his voice…

"Yeah," said McGee quickly. "Obviously we don't know if he's still alive, but we need to find out."

"That's right. So you do some research, and I'll call you back in six hours."

Abby and McGee exchanged glances.

"Right, Gibbs," said Abby. "Six hours."

Gibbs hung up, and Abby took a long sip of Caf-Pow.

"Okay, McGee, let's get to work."