Count it Up

by ReadyForTeddy

The Industrial Revolution is in full swing, and Ness & Lucas are ready for the winter term at Onett Boarding School. But when a variety of horrifying, unexplainable events start to take place, it becomes apparent that everything's about to change.

31. Chapter 31 - The Courage of Others

(Prologue: ?)

Despite Roy's exuberance at finding tracks, they ultimately run dry, and as the afternoon trails on, no animals magically volunteer themselves to be eaten. I worry that returning empty-handed will destroy our credibility, but as the stars begin to twinkle overhead, it becomes apparent that we have no other choice.

"I bet the others had better luck," Roy says, groaning. "They'll be insufferable, especially Elmore..."

I roll my eyes. He's spent the last few hours rambling about how much he dislikes her. Fortunately, nobody is there when we reach the marked tree. The hoot of an owl is the only noise for miles, ringing out through the chilly air.

"It'll be fine," Duster assures him, sitting down. "Though, m'lads... d'you think Porky's going to find us out here?"

"No," I say. I join him on a large root, folding my knees up to my chest. "We're in the middle of nowhere. He's got no chance."

"Porky's clever," Roy says. "He'll find us. He probably knows where we are already."

"But if he knows where we are," Duster says, "Why hasn't he come and got us yet?"

"Bigger fish to fry." I begin to pick at the moss coating the root. "He's got a whole city to manage. We're not his top priority, not by a long shot."

"Maybe we can take advantage of that," Roy says.

"I can't believe he turned out evil." Duster looks down at the ground, folding his hands into knots. "He seemed so nice."

"He's very charming," I say. "He can fool anyone. Many powerful people can."

"He fooled me," Roy says. His voice is unusually quiet, and there's a tepid silence.

"When?"

"When he was speaking in the street." Roy sits beside me, picking up a piece of the moss, wearily turning it in his fingers. "Porky promised that he was going to push the boundaries of science. Instead, he hurt people, and then I was his. I was like some kind of puppet on a string. I don't even remember when it happened."

The image is unpleasant. Roy subconsciously puts a hand to his neck, where the scar from the chip remains, unpleasant and red.

"He's evil," Duster says firmly. "We need to finish 'im off."

"Absolutely." Roy crosses his legs, looking like a schoolboy. "I just wonder, how many others? How many ordinary people have been taken in, used for his purposes?"

"Countless," I say. "He's already won, just from the sheer mass of personnel. He's been at work for years, planning everything, planning his economic domination."

"But why? For what?"

"I don't know. Nobody does. It's just how it is."

There's a desolate pause. I look at the men on either side of me, so tired, haggard, and hungry. Standing, I throw the moss into the woods.

"Come on. We should find the others."

But Duster stays seated. He fiddles with his fingers, and then looks up at me.

"Steven, if it's all as bad as you say... have you considered runnin'? Maybe, instead of going to the city, we should run, catch a train to Twoson?"

"We can't," I say, my expression sharpening. "Not when there are people to save."

"But that's suicide," Roy says. His hands are in his pockets, gaze fixed on the ground. "What would be the point?"

"Doing the right thing?" I look at him, incredulous.

"The right thing?" He scoffs. "Hah. Postponing the inevitable isn't right, it's silly."

"We have to save people," I say, agitated by his lack of morality. "It's our responsibility as human beings."

"It ain't no responsibility of mine," Duster says. "Responsibility's never been my thing, especially after what happened to the dog."

"I led people in my old job," I say. "I know it's hard, but we all have a role to play. We owe it to all the people we know, we love, the people we are indebted to. We must do what is right for the sake of good."

"But I'm just a chap from Tazmily," Duster bemoans. "How can I sort somethin' like this? How am I supposed to do good? I don't know nothin' about it!"

"Being from Tazmily doesn't matter," I say. "Where you came from isn't important. It's where you go from here."

"Y' were a leader, though. People knew you."

"It doesn't make me any better, or any more capable than anyone else. I just happened to gain the role."

Duster sighs. He hits himself on the side of the head, before standing up to join me. Roy follows suit, though he looks agitated, touching the buttons on his shirt.

"You said that if we arrive in Onett, we'd settle down. You said we'd live normally."

"That would be impossible," I admit. "I'm sorry to have led you on. Porky is leading the city into turmoil, and he'd arrest us in an instant. I... couldn't tell the others. If they lose hope, we may never make it out of this forest."

"Will we make it out?" Roy asks, worried.

"That wholly depends on what happens." The hoots of the owls are louder now, the wind picking up a little in the distance. "All we can do is try our best, bear the complaints, and then do our best to help when we arrive."

"I get that, it's just, there's one thing I don't understand," Roy says, and he looks up. "There's a 99% chance that he's going to win. Why should we face those odds?"

"For the 1%, Roy!" I stare him down. "Because it's good. I chose to save all of you in the carriage. I chose to risk my life just to bring you with us. I would save a single burning child at the cost of everything I own, because it's the honest, decent thing to do."

"But..." Roy begins, but he trails off, his arms falling to his side. "Fine," he sighs. "You win. Let's get slaughtered for the abstract concept of good. There's not much better to do."

I turn to face Duster.

"Agreed," Duster says. "What else do we 'ave to live for?"

---

.

.

.

~~o00o~~

Chapter 31: The Courage of Others

(Ness)

~~o00o~~

.

.

.

---

There are only a few things I hate more than mashed potatoes.

One of those things is my father, the way he treats the people around him. Then there are the magical quests in which we're told we have powers, and we suddenly have to solve a mystery. But worst of all, top of the list, are people that hurt Lucas.

Unfortunately, that means I hate a lot of people.

Currently on my hitlist are Meta Knight and Olimar, for deciding to turn Lucas into a human pincushion. It's lucky that Headmaster Hand expelled them, or I might have PK frozen them into an ice lolly. What bothers me is why - sure, they're simple bully archetypes, but they're not usually this evil. Normally, they don't attempt murder.

At least Lucas is taking it well, despite his bandaged arms. He follows me as I push through the crowd, attempting to get into the corridor, where I can see Toon Link and Villager having a heated debate. But Bayonetta appears out of nowhere, and I yelp as she grabs my shoulder.

"Hey, lads! You still coming to my party tonight?"

"Uhm-"

"It's still going ahead?" Lucas frowns. "Isn't it disallowed under the new restrictions?"

"Technically not," Bayonetta says, shrugging. "We're in a dorm by 8 p.m. Besides, several people ignore restrictions for the sake of parties. If anything, it's safety in numbers! I'm having people sleep over, too, so don't worry about sneaking back while drunk."

"Is there enough room for everyone?" I ask, suddenly worried that Bayonetta hasn't invited many people.

"Loads of room!" Bayonetta laughs. "Trust me, I lucked out. I've got the biggest dorm in the school. It'll be staring at half seven, so see ya there, munchkins!" She joyfully bounces off, and I turn to Lucas.

"Do you think you'll be up to going?"

"Sure, I guess."

"Really? You don't think you should rest, what with-?"

"I keep resting," Lucas says, averting his gaze. "It never seems to do me any good."

We finally reach Toon Link and Villager. They seem to be talking more calmly now, despite the potato that lingers on Villager's cheek.

"...And they offended you," Toon Link is saying. "I had to stick up for you, didn't I?"

"You didn't," Villager sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It just brought me to the attention of even more people. I didn't want that."

"I'm sorry." Toon Link hangs his head. "I was thoughtless."

"It's… fine," Villager says. "You meant well, I suppose. Besides, it's not like I need to fall out with another friend tonight."

"You sure?" Toon Link gives a nervous smile.

"Of course I am. I overreacted, and I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too." The pair hug, and I smile.

"Where did Red even go?" Pit asks, catching up to us.

"No idea," Villager says, shrugging. "He's probably in my dorm, throwing all my clothes out the window."

"I swear," Toon Link says, balling his fists, "If he is-"

"Toon Link, please."

"Sorry, your lordship. Anyway, now that's sorted, when's this party?"

"Half-past seven," Villager says, but he puts a nervous palm to his neck. "I don't think I should come."

"You what?" Toon Link's face falls. "Why not?"

"I can't. I just - can't. I'd just be bullied for all the homosexuality stuff, and it would happen all night long, and it would be miserable. For everyone."

"What? But - really?" Toon Link looks up at the graffiti, unhappy. "I wished you'd left the name as mine. It won't be as fun without you."

"It's alright," Villager says. "I'm dealing with all this so that you don't have to."

"But that's stupid! Come on, we can still have a good time - would you rather spend the night with Red?"

"Actually, that's a good point," Villager says, his expression souring. "I'd rather not."

"So come along. It would suck without you."

"Would it?" Villager says, doubtful. "I'm hardly a party animal."

"Yes! We might even play spin the bottle!"

"But-"

"And if anyone gives you abuse, we'll leave right away. Okay?"

"Alright, fine," Villager says, rolling his eyes. "God, I'm going to regret this, aren't I?"

"No way." Toon Link grins, clapping him on the shoulder. "You'll love it. See you in the corridor, midgets. I'm going to get ready!"

"Get ready?" Lucas asks blankly.

"Uh, duh. It's a party. I've got to look my best!"

"He's right," Pit says, sweeping over with a grin. "Come on Toonmeister, let's get fancy!"

The pair dash up the stairs, laughing like idiots. Villager pulls a face, bemused by his antics, but I give Lucas a grin.

"We should get ready as well."

"I'm going as a mummy," Lucas says, holding out his bandaged arms. "Fancy dress, wasn't it?"

I laugh. "No, you goof. I meant, like, suits and stuff-"

"Alright. I'll dig through the cinders, given all your suits burnt in the fire."

"I'll lend you some," Villager says, weary. "But - Christ, this had better not be as manic as it seems..."

"It won't be," I say, though I know that's not true. Where there's alcohol, teenagers, and partying, chaos reigns.

.

.

.

.

.

Villager digs us out some suits from the bottom of his cupboard, and we take them into our dorm to get changed. Surprisingly, I think I'm looking forward to this party, even despite the alcohol. I don't drink, thanks to some delightful experiences with a drunken father, and Lucas doesn't drink either, because he's just too pure.

"You know what's really weird?" Lucas says, unbuttoning his shirt. I look away before I can blush.

"No, what?"

"Meta Knight and Olimar," he says. "It just doesn't seem like the kind of thing they'd do, you know? They do their bullying for attention, for the show. But when it came to, you know…" He holds out his arms. "Nobody saw them do it. They weren't trying to impress anyone."

I frown, taking this in. It aligns with some of my concerns, but I'm still too furious to think clearly about it.

"I feel like they must have had another motive," he continues. "Money. Drugs. Something else. Or maybe they were threatened! And then it wouldn't be their faults at all!"

"Why do you want to absolve them so badly?" I ask, worried by this. "They're rotten to the core. They just wanted to hurt you."

"They're not that rotten…"

"Well then," I sigh, pulling on my trousers, threading around a belt. "Say you're right. What good is that?"

"Maybe..." He pauses. "Maybe they didn't deserve to be expelled."

"Lucas!" I turn, aghast. "They slashed you up! Even if they were being threatened, or it was for money, they nearly killed you! How can't you see that's not okay?"

"I don't know," Lucas says, and he looks up. His expression is low, his eyes heavy, and I feel a sting of sympathy.

"C'mon, Lucas." I spread my arms. "Come here. It'll be okay." He comes close, clinging around me, his fingers quivering against my back. I pet him a bit, not sure what else to do, but that seems to work, because his trembling stops, body falling still. I feel him breathing against my chest.

"You're right," he says. "Sorry. We should keep getting ready. The party could be starting."

But I keep him close. "Don't apologise. We're going to have fun tonight, alright? And then, I won't let anybody hurt you again. I mean it this time."

"Yeah, because I can't defend myself," Lucas mumbles. "But hey, you might not even need to, if the Future Humans kill me first."

"They won't," I say, though the idea is worrying. "Don't be silly. We'll survive, then we'll go to university, and you'll paint, and maybe I'll be a scientist-"

Lucas rolls his eyes. "You can't just be a scientist because I'm being one."

"I can if I want to!" I say, but I feel concerns brewing again. I push them away for now. Thinking about my future is never a good idea.

"Do you think Red will be at the party?" Lucas asks, changing the subject as he leaves my arms. I frown at the thought, not sure if I want him to be or not.

"Maybe. I think him and Villager need a lot of space."

"Yeah," Lucas agrees, and he sounds sad. "That outburst came out of nowhere."

"I think Red was being immature," I say. "He can be, sometimes, even though he's really smart and everything."

"I suppose we'll wait and see what happens," Lucas says, turning away to change his trousers.

I turn away as well, concerned that the conversation fell a bit flat, but I still pick my shirt up from the floor. I'm not sure how to tread around him, given what's happened. I know he doesn't like the be babied, or treated like glassware, but I also want to offer as much comfort as I can, which presents a difficult conundrum. All that combined with my stupid infatuation with him means I'm pushed to and fro, torn between avoiding him and stalking his every move. It's utterly exhausting.

The waistcoat Villager has given me is simple, white with a low cut, and I've been provided with a necktie to go along with it, a red, lacy one. I struggle to knot it properly, but I think I make a decent job of it, and it looks good enough with the rest of my clothes. After slipping into a jacket, I turn around, and Lucas's outfit almost takes my breath away.

"You look good," I say, ogling, because he really does. His shirt suits him perfectly, highlighting his shoulders, adorned with a yellow cravat. His trousers are loose, but tight around the waist, free of his usual creases. There's a hat, too, a taupe Homberg with a single red feather. He smiles, and it's strangely attractive, in a way that I wouldn't usually associate with him.

"Wish I could say the same for you," he says, and I pout.

"Hey! I'm fabulous."

"Is that right?" he asks. He comes closer, reaching out, straightening my necktie. "Hm. I suppose that's a little better."

"Shut up," I say, but I'm grinning.

"And your shirt!" Lucas says, hurrying to tuck it in. "Didn't you have, like, formal dinners with your father, or something? This is a state!"

"You are so mean to me," I say, and Lucas laughs.

"I give what I get."

"You've cheered up. Howcome?"

"No idea." Lucas shrugs. "Teenage mood swings? Fashionable clothing? An amazing best friend?"

"Shush, you." I laugh again, a soaring sensation rushing through me. "Let's go and party."

"Let's party," Lucas agrees.

We sweep out to the corridor, feeling strangely regal, and we're swiftly met by Villager. Then, Toon Link comes around the corner, and woah.

He's gone insane. He's chosen a vibrant yellow shirt, revealed by a broadly open waistcoat. A crimson handkerchief explodes from a pocket, all frilly and lacy. On top of that is a lacy bottle-green tailed jacket, like something straight out of a ballroom, covered with felt and intermittent golden studs. It's matched by bells on a pair of patent leather boots, and one of the biggest top hats I've ever seen. I can't help but gawk.

"Great, right?" Toon Link says, grinning, performing a twirl.

"Great for a wedding," Villager says. "Where on earth did you manage to get such audacious clothes?"

"Father's money, dear," Toon Link says in an obnoxiously posh voice. "You should see what finery I have adorned beneath these robes. Perhaps you will," he adds, giving a wicked grin.

"Toon Link!" Villager sputters, as Pit appears in much more casual attire.

"I tried to tell him," Pit sighs. "It's just a dorm party."

"And I tried to tell you," Toon Link says, jabbing a finger into Pit's chest. "Urchins like yourself must not dress like paupers."

"Are you trying to impress someone?" Villager asks, looking him up and down. "Is that it? Have you got a crush?"

"It is not proper to ask a man such questions," Toon Link says, sticking his nose in the air, though an unmistakable blush is on his cheeks. "Come, fools. Let us attend."

Rolling our eyes, we follow him up the stairs. Bayonetta's dormitory is made obvious by the noise, the early sounds of glasses clinking, bottles popping, and we file in behind some older-looking boys.

"Is this the place, madam?" Toon Link asks Bayonetta, who's on the door, looking delighted.

"Oh - yes!" Bayonetta puts her hands together. "Who are you, though?"

"Toon Link," he says, sighing.

"Wow, really? But come on in, come on in - hey, Ness!"

"Hey," I say, as she rushes off to fluster over some other arrivals. The room is surprisingly spacious, the beds removed, a table set up in the corner. On it are several bottles of wine, cider, whiskey, port. Where people get this stuff, I have no idea, but the table is certainly popular.

"What are we supposed to do?" Lucas asks me, shy, and Toon Link laughs.

"Mingle, wallflowers! Interact with people!"

But our first interaction isn't what I'd hoped for. As Villager disappears to hail one of his friends, Popo saunters over, a glass in one hand, a bottle in the other.

"Well!" he says, thumping me on the back. "Fancy seeing my best buddies here!"

"Pretty much everyone was invited," Toon Link says, spinning his hat on his head. "It's hardly the biggest surprise of my life."

"Cool thing, gaywad. But-"

"POPO!" It's Nana. She immediately snatches away his drink. "No alcohol, remember?" She turns to us. "He's not to drink. Not after what happened at the last party."

I shudder at the memory. Popo had got wasted, and then he'd begun to take off his clothes.

"Come on," Popo whines. "Just one glass? Permit the session, hoe."

"No," Nana says firmly. "I will write to Mother."

"Alright, alright," Popo says, hastily putting up his hands. "How about you guys? Ness, gonna get plastered? Toon Link?"

"Maybe later," Toon Link says. "Don't want to ruin the fun too early, do we?" He's sensible enough, not a heavy drinker. He'll have a glass or two, and he's been tipsy before, but he's never got wasted.

"Good day, small people!" Link says heartily, sauntering past with a glamorous Zelda at his side. "It is most surprising that you are here. How much did you have to pay Bayonetta for an invite?" He laughs at his own joke.

"I didn't pay!" Popo exclaims, squaring up to him. "And who are you calling small, beanpole!?"

"Popo - no fights!" Nana exclaims, tugging him back. "How hard is it to behave?"

"Very hard when you're so whiney! Have you ever had fun, woman?"

"Yes!" Nana says. "I can be fun, can't I, Lucas?"

"Uh - yes!" Lucas says, caught off guard. "Lots of fun, painting fruit - and vegetables-"

"You bet," Nana says, and a suspicious blush creeps onto her face.

"C'mon, Nana," Popo whines. "Just one drink, I'll hardly change-"

"No!" Nana says, exasperated. "Mother said-"

"I don't care what Mother said!"

"You should! She went through the agonising labours of childbirth to bring you to existence!"

"It can't have been that bad."

"Oh yeah?" Nana's eyes flash with menace. "How about I replicate the pain by punching you in the head?"

Popo pales. "I'm good, thanks."

"Superb," Nana says, smiling pleasantly. "Anyway, we'll see you around Lucas. Oh, and you too, Ness."

Lucas waves as they depart, and we make our way over to where most people have congregated. Villager's found Mega Man, and the pair are laughing in a corner, while Toon Link's entertaining a whole crowd of people, seemingly telling some kind of story. I vaguely glance towards the door, where the last stragglers seem to be arriving, including-

Oh no.

Red?

What's he doing here? He's the least likely person to show up at a party like this. I point him out to Lucas, whose eyes widen.

"That's not good! What if he and Villager get in a fight?"

"We need to speak to him," I decide, and so, we hastily walk over.

He seems to be wearing a bizarre outfit, consisting of a red shirt and red trousers, as well as a red velvet top hat. He's gone for a bizarre pair of shoes, burgundy and strangely loose compared to the rest of his formal attire. His waistcoat has a collar and a ton of frills; the look is altogether similar to Count Dracula.

"Hey," I say, trying to be casual. "I'm surprised you came."

"Good to see you too," he grumbles.

"What's with all the red clothes?" I ask.

"It's a pun," Red explains. "Because my name is Red."

"I thought you hated puns?" Lucas says, his eyes narrowing.

"Of course I hate puns!" Red says. "It's called being meta, gosh!" With that, he surges into the crowd. I watch him disappear, pretty sure that I've never met a stranger person in my entire life.

"Villager won't be pleased that he's here," I say, concerned. I pray they don't argue in public.

"Maybe they can make up?" Lucas suggests, hopeful.

"I'd be surprised," I say. "Red was pretty harsh to him. He made some big accusations."

"Villager is very forgiving, though."

"But Red isn't."

There's a moment of pause as we contemplate the potential downfall of our entire friendship group.

"...I hope it's all okay," Lucas mumbles eventually.

I hug him. "It will be. It always is in the end."

"Yeah," he says, hugging back.

I glance around the room again. Popo has managed to make his way to the alcohol table, thanks to Nana being distracted by Toon Link's antics. I watch him as he takes out a bottle of something from who knows where, sneaking it amongst the array. I hadn't even considered that we were supposed to bring a gift or a contribution, which makes me feel a little guilty. Nervously, I try to pick out Bayonetta in the crowd, just as she comes up to us.

"Hey!" she shouts, and Lucas jumps a mile.

"Hi," I say. "We weren't supposed to bring anything, were we?"

"Oh, nah, 'course not!" She beams, waving a hand. "I got connections, Nessie. I can get all the booze I want from these desperate guys. Besides, all your stuff got burnt by a fire, which is a good enough excuse!"

"True," I say, unsure what else to add.

"You enjoying yourselves though? Everything alright?"

"Yeah, thank you," I say. "Are you expecting many more people?"

"Quite a few!" she says cheerfully. I look around the crowded room, unnerved by this, but she obliviously carries on. "Are you gonna be staying the night? As I said, most people are, and it'd be lovely to have you. I nicked a load of pillows and stuff from upstairs, so you wouldn't have to sleep on the floor."

I look towards Lucas. Part of me wants to say yes for the chance we'll get to sleep in close proximity again - but equally, parties like this get rowdy fast, and if people start getting out the drugs, I wouldn't want to stay around.

"Maybe," Lucas says. "I think we'll decide later."

"All good!" Bayonetta puts her hands together. "Right, I'd better make sure nobody's getting too drunk yet, but I've got a couple of things planned, so get ready!" She hurries off, but not before giving a sumptuous wink.

"Plans?" Lucas echoes, once she's gone. I shrug, just as confused.

"Never been plans at any other parties."

"That we've been to," Lucas reminds me. "It feels weird to be invited somewhere cool..."

"It's great, right? We're going up in the world, Lucas."

"I suppose," he says, pulling an embarrassed face.

We make our way over to where most people are making noise, and Bayonetta's room is revealed to be even bigger than I'd initially thought. It seems to be a kind of L shape, with a great, oaken wardrobe tucked away in a corner, and a massive window facing out to the forest. I vaguely wonder how she lucked out with such a good room. Memories of her and Wario in the forest come back, and the idea begins to worry me, but I remind myself that Headmaster Hand wouldn't ever take such bribes.

"Alright?" Villager asks, coming up behind us, covered head to toe in flour.

"Uh - yes, are you?" I ask, bewildered.

"What? Oh, this was Mega Man." He tugs on his sleeves, and a cloud of dust flies up. "Told me to open the wardrobe, and there was flour on it. Classic trap."

"Villager!" Toon Link says, appearing. "Bit early for the drugs, don't you think?"

"It's not cocaine, Toonie," Villager says, rolling his eyes. "It's-"

"Awww!" Diddy Kong squawks from across the room. "He calls him Toonie! How sweet."

"Oi!" Toon Link raises his fists. "Leave him alone!"

"Yeah, yeah," Diddy Kong says, sauntering in the other direction. "Keep protecting your boyfriend, keep committing crimes, whatever..."

"To be fair, that's the first comment of the night," Villager says. "I think people are starting to get bored."

"Or they're planning something," Lucas mutters darkly.

"Well, let's hope not."

"Red's here, by the way," I say, deciding now is the appropriate time to reveal this.

"I saw," Villager says grimly. "All dressed up in crimson."

"Quite the centre of attention," I note, observing a crowd starting to form around him. They seem to be listening to something, but I can't make out what.

"What's he doing here?" Toon Link asks, noticing this too.

"We tried to ask," Lucas says. "He was acting a bit odd. He stormed off." Laughter comes from the crowd, and Villager gulps.

"That can't be good," he murmurs. "Let's check that out."

"I'm gonna get a drink," Toon Link decides. "Anyone else want one?"

"Sure," Villager says, already heading towards the source of the noise. I follow suit, Lucas by my side, concerned about what we're going to find. But to my surprise, instead of a session of bullying, people are cheering and clapping. Red bows, looking pleased with himself amongst them.

"What's going on here?" Pit asks, joining us again.

"Oh, great!" Red says loudly. "Look, everybody! It's Pit, here to ruin things as usual."

"...Red?" I say.

"Good day, Ness." He nods, firmly extending his hand. I take it, giving it an awkward shake, and he eventually draws it back. He continues, "I was just reciting Shakespeare's Sonnet Sixty-Eight when suddenly, this crowd gathered. I am most puzzled! But it is fantastic to see some respect for classic literature."

"What?" Villager looks at us, shocked, before looking back to Red. "Red, what's gotten into you?"

"Nothing. Mind your own business!"

"Okay, then…?" Villager says, turning back to us, mystified as Red continues his recital. "That was weird."

"He is weird," I say, shrugging.

"But that was really quite out of character... oh, hi, Toon Link."

"One drink," Toon Link says, grinning. He hands it over, and Villager eyes it with suspicion, as if expecting it to come alive.

"What's in it?"

"Oh, this and that," Toon Link says. He's got his own drink, held loosely in his hand, and I wonder if I should get one too. But Lucas's uncomfortable expression is enough to put me off the idea, and as Villager takes a sip, grimacing, I find myself focusing on other things. Such as Nana, the way she's smiling at Lucas from across the room...

I don't like it.

"Everybody!" Bayonetta calls suddenly, shaking me out of my reverie. "It's time for our first game of the night, a lovely bit of roulette!"

"Isn't that a gambling thing?" Lucas asks me, worried. I blink, uncertain, but I follow the others over nonetheless, at the very least morbidly curious.

"Please sit in a circle," Bayonetta instructs, waving towards the floor. She places a big sheet of paper in the middle, along with an empty bottle, and varying sized cups of what looks to be an alcoholic drink. Lucas pales.

"We can leave," I say, but Lucas shakes his head.

"We can't. Something's wrong. We need to stay."

"What?" I frown. "Something's wrong? What do you mean?"

"I can feel it. Something's off."

I shiver. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," he says. "Keep your eyes out. Sensory checks. We need to stick together."

"If you're sure," I say, gulping as I sit down. I suppose that means we'll have to play this game.

"Alright!" Bayonetta says cheerfully, looking around at the thirty-odd guests that have appeared. "So, the aim of the game is - hold on, Mega Man, are you okay?"

Everyone turns. He seems to be very dazed, looking up at the ceiling with a vacant expression. His body almost falls, but Villager catches him, hoisting him back up.

"He had one drink," Villager says, worried. "Now he's gotten like this."

"Right then," Bayonetta says, marching over to the alcohol table. "I told nobody to bring over thirty percent - oh, crikey!" She withdraws a large, brown bottle from the table, and I recognise it as the one Popo had been carrying. "Ninety percent!? Who brought this?"

"What?" Popo squawks. "Mega Man, you drank my stuff? Not cool, man, that's for me!"

"Is that right?" Nana says, eyes flashing. "Ninety percent for you, was it?"

"Well, I had to drink somehow! High concentration means I get drunk faster, right?"

"No, it means you die," Nana says, seething, snatching the bottle from Bayonetta. "I'm confiscating this. For good."

"Don't drink it all at once!" Bayonetta says, back to her cheery self. "Alright, in that case, we're ready to play. As you can see, we have several cups of beer here, and an empty bottle." She pauses, and the crowd whispers, excited. I give Lucas a worried look. "I'll spin the bottle," Bayonetta continues. "Then, whoever the bottle lands on has to come up to the middle. That person will spin the bottle again, and they have to drink whichever cup it lands on as quickly as they can. As you can see, some cups are bigger than others…" Her eyes linger on what must be a litre of something unpleasant. People look keenly around the circle, concerningly excited to get inebriated. A few shyer individuals eye the giant cup with trepidation, but most seem to be excited to get the game underway. I can't say I am, though.

Not one bit.

"Is there a prize?" Popo asks hopefully, having escaped Nana's wrath.

"No," Bayonetta says, laughing. "There is not. Only the prize of drunkenness. Now, who's ready to begin?"

There's a lot of cheering. I gulp once again.

"Alright!" Bayonetta spins the bottle. I watch it nervously as it slows, creeping past me, landing on Diddy Kong.

"Diddy Kong!" Bayonetta announces. "Come up to the middle, please!"

With encouraging shoves from his mates, Diddy Kong stands, coming up into the centre. Bayonetta gleefully rubs her hands together.

"Excellent, now, spin the bottle again!"

Diddy Kong easily spins the bottle. I count, and to my relief, there are a lot fewer cups than people. The bottle begins to slow, eventually landing on the smallest cup in the array.

"BOOOO!" Popo yells. "That's the easy one!"

"Yeah, spin again!" Link calls out. "Unless you're scared?"

"No respins," Bayonetta says. "Now, drink that as fast as you can. Ready?"

"Of course," Diddy Kong says. He lifts the cup to his lips.

Everyone begins to shout. "ONE! TWO! THREE!" It seems to be going down very slowly. "FOUR! FIVE-"

"Hurry up!" Popo calls, and I can't help but laugh as Diddy Kong coughs and splutters on the drink.

"SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT!"

There's applause as Diddy Kong eventually finishes, sitting down with a lot less swagger than when he stood up, owing to the beer down his shirt. Lucas laughs a little bit, and I gleefully take his hand, glad to see that he's getting into the spirit of things. Villager meanwhile winks at us from across the room, sat next to Toon Link - I suddenly realise that the bottle has been spun again, but luckily, it lands on some unfortunate young-looking girl.

"Ah, Isabelle!" Bayonetta says. "Up you come!"

Isabelle gets up to some unpleasant wolf-whistles, but Link shoves the perpetrators, his eyes flaring. "That is no way to treat a lady!"

"Link," Zelda sighs. "How much did you drink?"

"Only a bit, my Queen!"

Isabelle spins the bottle, ignoring the chaos. She ends up with a moderately sized cup to drink. However, to everybody's surprise, she manages to down it in a quicker time than Diddy Kong, which earns some significant cheers.

"I think I know what's wrong," I whisper to Lucas, clocking something.

"Oh - what?"

"Meta Knight and Olimar aren't here, so it feels a lot safer. That's all."

But Lucas nervously rubs his bandaged arms. "I think there's something else."

"Oh," I say, disappointed. "I can't sense anything..."

A few more spins of the bottle go by. Nobody I know gets chosen, but the giant cup remains untouched, ready to spring on me should dramatic irony require it. I keep a general eye out for anything out of place, but I honestly can't see what Lucas is getting at, all I can hear is the general lull of laughter and enjoyment, and nothing looks weird.

But I know by now to trust his instincts.

Link is the next one chosen by the bottle, and he walks smugly up to the centre of the crowd. I opt not to join in the cheering for this one, especially as he spins the bottle and ends up with one of the smaller remaining cups. He downs it in one, much to the amazement of everyone who actually cares, and he sits gladly back down next to Zelda again.

"We're going to change things up!" Bayonetta announces suddenly, and there's some interested muttering. She rearranges the drinks in the middle, in such a way that all the bigger ones are on one side, and the smaller ones on the other. "It's to increase tension!" she explains, stepping back, spinning the bottle around. I watch the neck of the glass move past me, concerned, wondering if I can pin it on the guy next to me if I get unlucky, but to my surprise, it lands on Villager.

He wearily stands, leaving a flopping Mega Man on the ground. He makes his way to the centre of the room, and the jeers break out at once.

"Gonna get lucky, homo boy?" Diddy Kong whoops, to applause and cheers.

"We'll see," Villager replies smoothly. "Given you couldn't even handle a tiny cup, I'd say there's some good luck going spare at the moment."

There's some laughter at that, and Toon Link claps wildly nearby. I notice Red looking deliberately away from the scene.

"Careful you don't get too drunk and try to shag one of us!" Link calls, heartily chuckling.

"I'd like to think that I have a little more self-restraint than you," Villager says, spinning the bottle around. To his evident relief, it lands on a smaller cup.

"ONE! TWO!"

It seems to be going down remarkably fast...

"THREE-"

Villager throws down the empty cup. "I believe that puts me in the lead?"

"It does indeed!" Bayonetta exclaims. "And only three cups left!" She spins the bottle again.

Villager sits back down, grinning a little, perhaps as a result of his earlier drink. I eye the bottle suspiciously, almost daring it to land on me. With luck, Lucas and I will be safe, although, well, I know this can only end badly. Suddenly uncomfortable, I shuffle nearer to Lucas. I don't want to drink. I've never drunk before. And even the thought of a crowd of people around me… The pressure…

The bottle lands on Red, to sniggers. But he effortlessly makes his way to the middle.

"I just have to spin the bottle, yes?"

"Yes, go ahead," Bayonetta says happily.

Red narrows his eyes. "With what technique, exactly?"

There are some titters.

"Any you like," Bayonetta says, and Red opts for a very powerful spin that ends on a reasonably sized cup. Red takes it in his hand.

"Of course, this game is built to be unfair," he explains, getting the measure of his drink. "The people with smaller cups had an evident advantage, so I do not expect to win." More people laugh, and Villager sits nervously in place.

But eventually, Red makes surprisingly light work of the cup, much to the delight of Diddy Kong and his gang. He takes a bow, returning neatly to his seat, relishing in the applause.

"The penultimate spin!" Bayonetta announces. "Let's see who it'll be!"

The bottle is spun, and it lands on Nana. Good, that means at least one of me and Lucas are going to be safe.

"HA!" Popo exclaims. "TAKE THAT, NANA!"

"Great," Nana says, wearily approaching the bottle. "Certain liver disease, or a chance of being in the lead."

"Fancy your odds?" Bayonetta asks with a smile.

"Not really."

Nana takes the bottle, spinning it, and to her massive relief, it lands on the smaller cup. She winks at Lucas before consuming it, and I think people are getting bored, as there's no counting or applause. However, I frown, mildly suspicious as Nana blushes, her eyes awfully fixated on my best friend's face…

"So!" Bayonetta announces, reclaiming the wavering attention of the group. "Only the largest cup remains!"

She's right, of course. Got to love dramatic coincidence. I can't even imagine forcing all that down, and the thought makes me feel ill.

Lucas grips tightly onto my hand as Bayonetta takes the centre. The crowd start up a kind of drum roll on the floor, and Bayonetta surveys the scene, pleased.

"Who's going to be drinking all this? Let's... find out!"

With a flick of the wrist, the bottle is spun. I feel my heart pounding every time it passes me, again, and again, and again, my gaze forced around and around... please not me. Please not me! A rising nausea starts to creep into my chest as the bottle starts slowing, coming closer, so gradually, and it's still going, but, but not for long... and I can already taste it in my throat. Lucas tenses, and I tense too. Please no, please not - all that alcohol-

It's so slow now, just a few degrees left to turn, at least, at least it will be me and not Lucas, I screw my eyes tight shut...

"Well!" Bayonetta cheers. "It seems that the bottle has decided!"

I can already feel myself drifting away, drowning under the heavy weight of the drink, and I...

"It's Popo!"

I quickly open my eyes, and to my enormous relief, the bottle seems to have stopped just shy of me, benevolently selecting Popo instead. Lucas smiles divinely at me, and I hug him tight, exhaling more than I thought possible.

"HELL YEAH!" Popo cheers. "Take that, Nana! I'm getting WASTED tonight!"

I suddenly realise that Popo, drunk, might be a worse scenario. With no hesitation, he takes the huge cup - and it all begins to go down -

"ONE! TWO!"

And hardly any remains -

"THREE! FOUR!"

And then, everyone's clapping wildly as Popo finishes at an inhuman speed, throwing the cup to the floor. "That's what I'm talkin' about!" he cheers, tumbling next to Nana. "Ah, I feel amazing… I could do anything!"

"Excellent," Bayonetta laughs. "However, Villager is the winner, with only three seconds!"

"Actually," Red interjects. "Popo had the highest millilitre per second rate, so he should win!"

"Fine," Bayonetta sighs, and Villager folds his arms. "In that case, we have two winners! I'm not sure whether to congratulate them or call Alcoholics Anonymous. Regardless, more games to come later, so please stick about!"

There's some light cheering before the circle disperses, and Lucas and I make a beeline for Villager, who seems to be again trying to keep Mega Man from falling over.

"Nice comebacks in front of the crowd," I say, helping prop Mega Man against the wall. I wonder if he should go to his dorm.

"Thanks," Villager says. "They're all problematic. I won't let them get to me."

"That's the spirit," Toon Link says, grinning. He's secured another drink, half-empty already.

"There's something wrong," Lucas tells them. "Something's not right."

"Not right?" Villager frowns. "What do you mean?"

"I... dunno." Lucas nervously flaps his arms. "Something's just, off, I guess."

"Right," Villager says. "Well, I'll keep an eye out, when I'm not babysitting Mega Man."

"Send him to his dorm," Toon Link says, surprisingly blunt. I raise my eyebrows at him, and he shrugs. "What? Villager should enjoy himself too."

"I've got it covered." Pit reappears, looking worn down. "I'm not really feeling the atmosphere tonight. I can take Mega Man back to his dorm, and then I'll probably head off."

"You sure? Are you okay?" Villager asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Pit says, but his expression suggests something more. "Come on, Mega Man, let's get you to your room..."

Mega Man obediently follows Pit out, and I watch them go, concerned again. Perhaps it's to do with Dark Pit, or maybe to do with the alcohol, which has never seemed like Pit's kind of thing.

"You want a drink?" Toon Link asks me, grinning. I shake my head, feeling queasy.

"No way. I hate drinking."

"You hate drinking?" Link laughs, turning around. "Why I never! You're at the wrong party, kid. Maybe you were expecting some pass the parcel, or some pin the tail on the donkey."

"Pass the parcel is a marvellous game," Zelda says, frowning. "I do hope we play it later."

"Of course, my love!" Toon Link says, suddenly changing tack. "I will ask Bayonetta right away!"

"Everyone's acting really weird," Lucas decides, speaking as if they usually act normal.

"That's just how it is in private schools," Toon Link says, shrugging. "Hey, Villager, since these two don't want it, guess this drink is yours."

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" Villager asks, laughing, but he takes it anyway.

"Everyone's had alcohol, remember," I say to Lucas, noticing that he still looks worried, his forehead creased. "Maybe there's nothing spooky going on. Maybe you're not used to being around tipsy people."

"Perhaps," Lucas says, evidently unconvinced.

Some people start singing in the corner, some old ballad about a harpsichord. The party is moving in full swing now, a lot of laughter, a lot of drinking, Bayonetta merrily surveying everything that happens. Villager's face is getting redder and redder as he talks with Toon Link, sipping from his drink with a smile on his face. Even Red is having fun, now talking amicably with Diddy Kong of all people, Diddy Kong nodding along as if he's not sure whether Red is cool or not.

"We should have a look around," Lucas says suddenly.

I frown. "What? C'mon, isn't that a bit of an invasion of privacy?"

"No, not like opening stuff, just… looking."

"But-"

"Ness, I feel it, I really do!" He looks up at me, wringing his hands, and I feel a pang of sympathy when I see fear in his eyes. "Something's wrong!"

"I believe you," I say, sighing. "Come on, let's look around. Quickly, okay?"

But in the end, our search is fruitless, not a sign of anybody doing anything suspicious, and the party moves slowly on. The atmosphere gradually shifts as more people consume more alcohol, getting louder, more exhausting. Lucas and I resign ourselves to sitting in a corner, just watching everyone go by. Link and Zelda are busy making out in a corner, Red is stealing the show with his sudden swarms of impressed fans, and Toon Link and Villager are laughing together, quite drunk at this point.

"You alright, Lucas?" someone asks, coming over and standing in front of us. It's Nana, holding a drink in one hand, a bag in the other.

"Oh - I'm fine," Lucas says. "Are you?"

"Yeah, I'm grand." She's tipsy, smiling too wide, and she reaches out a hand. "Come on, Lucas, are you sure you're okay? Have a drink! Join the party!"

"I would, but I don't… feel well," he lies. My spirits improve a little bit.

"That's a shame," Nana says, stepping back about an inch. "Would you like a glass of water, then? Something to get you on your feet?"

"I'll be okay," Lucas says. "Thanks, though," he adds, and Nana's cheeks pinken.

"Don't mention it, Lucas." She comes forward, sitting down beside him. "You know, it's actually quite nice over here. Good view."

"It's not that nice," I say, well aware that I'm being bitchy, but Nana ignores me.

"I prefer it away from the crowds," Lucas admits. "It's just... weird seeing everyone drunk, you know? It's like they're not themselves."

"I get that," Nana says kindly. She lays a hand on Lucas's shoulder. "It's weird, especially if you don't go to many parties."

"Do you go to many?" Lucas asks.

"Oh, one or two. If I'm invited." Nana takes another sip of her drink. "They're a laugh, usually. Plus, I've got to keep an eye on Popo."

"Have you had much to drink tonight?" I ask, trying not to sound like a weirdo.

"A bit," Nana says. "But, Lucas-"

"Lucas doesn't drink," I say, interrupting. Nana looks at me somewhat bizarrely, and I fold my arms, feeling stupid.

"Thanks, Ness," Nana says. "Anyway, Lucas, are you absolutely sure you don't want to join everyone? I think there's gonna be some singing, someone's brought a harmonica along..."

"A harmonica?" Lucas says, paling. "Erm, maybe not. I'm fine here, thank you."

"Alright." Nana finally relents, standing up, drink sloshing a little out of its cup. "I'm here if you want to talk, by the way. Just, about anything. You know."

"Okay," Lucas says. "Good to know."

Nana smiles, giving one last wave, merging back into the crowd. I finally relax, leaning back against the wall, and Lucas gives me a funny look.

"You seem tense, Ness. I thought you didn't mind her?"

"She's fine," I say, not sounding convincing in the slightest.

"Did she do something wrong? Did she hurt you?"

"She's fine," I say again, this time wrapping Lucas in a hug. Lucas obliges, moving around me.

"Oh!" he exclaims suddenly, drawing back at once. "I get it! You're jealous, because you think she's gonna replace you as my best friend."

"Ha," I say. "Something like that."

"You goof." He laughs, and it's soft. He takes my hand. "She couldn't replace you. You don't need to worry."

"Sorry," I murmur, not at all reassured.

"It's okay." He shifts a little nearer to me. "You can't help what you feel. But she's nice, I promise. She means well."

"Yeah," I say, doubtful, even though he's probably right. She's kind to him, treats him nicely. I suppose if it were to be anyone, I'd prefer it to be her.

"Hey guys," Villager says, appearing, smiling like an idiot with Toon Link draped over his shoulder. "How are you doing?"

"Alright," I say. "Is Toon Link wasted, or what?"

"Nope!" Toon Link says, making a great show of springing up. He wobbles. "I'm - okay, maybe a little - but it's a party, come on!"

"He's had less than me." Villager grins, socking him in the arm. "Lightweight."

"Ey, screw you!"

"You two are crazy," Lucas says, and I'm glad to see him smiling. "No more alcohol, okay?"

"Might not have a choice," Villager says grimly, looking over my shoulder.

I turn to where Bayonetta is taking the front of the room, holding another bottle. Someone noisily hails her, thrusting a drink in her direction, but she raises a hand, clearing her throat.

"Game time!" she shouts. "Everybody! Put down your drinks! It's time to get... steamy!"

Lucas's smile immediately vanishes, and I gulp with concern. But Toon Link cheers, dragging Villager over to the circle, leaving us with little choice but to follow. I can only hope that this is something good, and something consensual, for that matter. Bayonetta's brandishing her bottle with glee, looking at us all like we're her next victims.

"Well, well! Nice to see so many of you still here. Who's enjoying the drinks?"

There are a lot of cheers and whoops. I find myself missing the days when parties featured cake and presents.

"Excellent," Bayonetta laughs. "Alright, so, this is quite a simple game, a classic if you will. It's called two minutes of heaven, and some of you may have heard of it before..."

I internally groan. Of all the dumb party stereotypes, this is the one I hate the most. I'm willing to bet money that the bottle will land on me and Lucas, too, just to rub it in that I have no control over anything anymore.

"To those who don't know," Bayonetta says, "A bottle will be spun, twice, and the two people the bottle lands on must enter the wardrobe." She nods towards the big oaken structure in the corner. "In there, they can do whatever they like!" She winks, and catcalls ring out at once, mostly from the guys. Toon Link whoops as well, throwing an arm around Villager's shoulder.

"Calm down," Villager says, elbowing him again. "Don't be like the rest of those horny jocks."

"What does that mean?" Lucas asks, and I can't help but laugh at his innocence.

"Without any further ado...!" Bayonetta begins. "Let's spin!"

She spins the bottle around with considerable force. The neck whizzes past me, suddenly slowing, eventually landing on Diddy Kong. He whoops loudly, springing up, egged on by some of his mates.

"Oh, wow!" Bayonetta exclaims. "Diddy Kong, looks like you're the bottle's favourite. But who will you be put with?" She spins the bottle again, and I watch it in trepidation... but I laugh with everyone else when it lands on Popo.

"Ah," Diddy Kong says, paling as his mates jeer. "Uhm-"

"You dastardly wench!" Popo exclaims suddenly, pointing at Bayonetta with a shaky finger. His eyes are glassy. "I refuse to go with that twat, you crazy whore!"

"I see." Bayonetta's expression tightens. "Nana, would you be so kind as to escort Popo outside for a while? I think he needs to sober up a bit."

"Certainly, Bayo," Nana says, grimacing as she grabs Popo to dismiss him.

"Thanks," Bayonetta says, regaining her composure. "Alright! With him gone, I think we shall need to spin again."

This time, the bottle lands on a girl who I don't recognise. Come to think of it, I don't recognise most of the girls here, except for Zelda, Bayonetta herself and Nana. Looking around, I can't even say for certain whether some are in our classes or not. I guess that goes to show how heterosexual I am.

"Off you pop!" Bayonetta says, clapping. "Into the wardrobe with you!"

Diddy Kong grabs his girl by the hand, and gleefully, the pair enter the wardrobe, which shuts loudly behind them. There's an awkward silence before everyone begins speaking again.

"What do you think they're doing in there?" Villager asks cheerfully, taking a sip from another drink.

"Hugging a lot?" Lucas suggests, and I have to laugh.

"Come on, even you're not that naïve-"

"I'm kidding," Lucas chuckles. "Come on. I probably know better than most what they're doing." It's a lighthearted comment, but my face still falls to think about his street life.

"They're doing loads of kissing…" Toon Link giggles, uncharacteristically putting a hand to his mouth. "Have you ever kissed anyone, Villager?"

"You know full well I haven't," Villager says, exasperated.

"Will that change if you and Zelda get picked?" I ask, smirking.

"God, no." Villager covers his face. "If that happens, those would be the worst two minutes of my entire life."

"How about going in with Red, instead?"

Villager pales. "Okay, Zelda suddenly looks quite appealing."

"Two minutes is up!" Bayonetta calls, merrily pulling the wardrobe open. Diddy Kong and the girl tumble out, red-faced, looking rather pleased with themselves, and there's a lot of cheering as Diddy Kong sits down. The bottle is quickly spun again, and oh, great. That was quick. It's landed on Lucas.

"Erm," Lucas says, nervously standing.

"Lucas is gonna get laid!" someone shouts, and there are whoops as others join in. "Lucas is gonna get laid! Lucas is gonna get laid!"

"Hey, what are those bandages on his arms?" Link asks suddenly. Lucas looks shyly away from him, evidently lost for words.

"Didn't you hear?" Popo exclaims, being brought back in by Nana. "Meta Knight and Olimar slashed him up, and Lucas got them expelled!"

"Wait, Lucas got them expelled?" someone asks.

"He did?"

"He did!?"

"Lucas is our hero!"

Cheering breaks out across the room, and Lucas blushes, more embarrassed than I've ever seen him. I laugh at his expense, and he shoots me a tiny glare.

"But, wait," Link says, frowning. "Where will we get our opium fix?" He's almost immediately pummelled by about five others.

"Shut up about the opium!"

"Nobody's supposed to know!"

"Anyway," Bayonetta continues with a laugh. "Time to spin again!"

She wastes no more time in spinning the bottle, and I can practically feel it coming for me, these psychic premonitions finally coming in useful. But there's no way I'm telling Lucas how I feel inside Bayonetta's wardrobe, of all places. And we're certainly not going to have our first kiss there - although, the thought of kissing Lucas... actually, it makes me quite dizzy, wow, that'd be… something.

The bottle starts to slow around the final corner, and as predicted, it decides to get stuck on the carpet right in front of me. I stand to some giggles, but I don't really care. Lucas's half-open mouth is too distracting to focus on anyone else.

"Ah! Ness and Lucas!" Bayonetta announces, putting her hands together. "Sadly, no can do for this one."

"What?" I cry out, indignant. There's more laughter around the room, and I blush, realising my mistake.

Bayonetta shrugs. "What can I say? Homosexuality between guys is illegal, and I'd rather not get you two sent to jail. Ness, sit down, we'll spin again for Lucas."

I sit down, suddenly worried. What does this mean? Who's Lucas going to be put with? Bayonetta makes quick work of spinning the bottle, and the room watches with interest as - oh no - oh no. Not her. Anyone but her.

Nana.

A spike of jealousy shoots through me, hot and childish. It can't be her. It's not fair! She totally likes him - and she's had a few drinks - and what's going to happen? What will she do? There's nothing I can say, nothing I can do to stop it, I shouldn't be feeling like this, it's selfish, but, but...

"Oh, wow," Nana says, blushing with a smile. I watch her, envisioning daggers, utterly miserable for no reason at all. Lucas looks down at me, and I hastily try to pull my features together, but I'm not sure it's quick enough. He looks worried.

"What are you waiting for? In the wardrobe with you!" Bayonetta exclaims, completely oblivious to my rushing thoughts. They start moving towards the open door, and I try desperately to calm my breathing. Maybe it'd be good if they got together - I shouldn't be crushing on my best friend anyway! But, no, not crushing. I love him. Because he's perfect. So perfect.

"Are you okay?" Villager says quietly, the door slamming closed behind Lucas and Nana. I look to him, praying that my eyes aren't watering, praying that I'm not as predictable as usual.

"Fine," I say, with a giveaway sniffle.

"Oh, Ness." Villager's voice is a little slurred. "It'll be alright. They'll barely do anything. Lucas will be quiet, and it'll be a bit awkward, but that'll be all."

"But-"

"And since when was Lucas one for romance? And with her? No way!"

"But she likes him!" I whisper, hysterical, biting my nails. "She - she has a thing for him, I know it!"

"As may be," Villager says calmly. "Worst case scenario, she tries to make an advance. But Lucas will reject her, for sure."

"Really?" I ask, shaky.

"I swear, mate."

I sigh, rubbing my forehead. I don't reserve the right to hope that nothing happens. It's not my place. Lucas can do whatever he wants, and even if that involves kissing a girl, on the lips, with tongue...

"Poor Ness," Toon Link says drunkenly. Looking at the wardrobe makes anxiety rise, but I still stare at it, nauseous, willing time to move faster. I hardly notice Bayonetta coming over, frowning, carrying a glass of water.

"You look sick," she says. "Too much to drink?"

"He doesn't drink." Villager answers for me.

"Either way, he should have some water." Bayonetta sits down, placing the glass beside me, dropping her voice to a whisper. "Sorry, Ness. But it would've been illegal, you know that. I wouldn't want you getting arrested."

I can't even reply. I put the glass to my lips, drinking the water, for the first time wishing it was something stronger. I shouldn't be this jealous, this stupid, but here I am. Stupid is my middle name.

"It'll be alright," Villager promises again.

"No, it won't," Popo guffaws, coming over. "Hey, Ness. How do you feel? I bet your boyfriend is having a lovely time in there."

"It's your sister he's with," Villager reminds him, scornful.

"Ah, shit." Popo pales. "Okay, Ness, I take that back, We're on the same team!" He disappears to grab another drink, and I take a gulp of water, feeling like I'm going to die.

"Time is up!" Bayonetta announces suddenly, and my head snaps forwards, my body tensing. This is it. Bayonetta grips the wardrobe, throwing it open, and Lucas is the first to appear. He's red-faced, and my heart sinks as he scurries over.

"How was it?" I ask, trying to smile, but Lucas can see right through my ruse. He sits down, looking frightenedly at my face.

"Ness - she kissed me!"

Time freezes.

Time gives up completely.

The cup of water slips from my hand, spilling all over the floor. Villager swears loudly beside me, and I try not to freak out, trying to stay calm. I try not to think about their lips, interlocked together, Lucas's tongue down her throat, hands roaming. Vomit rises, and I have to swallow it down, my eyes streaming.

"That's - that's great," I say, my throat completely dry. It's not fair. Just like that, it's happened. Lucas has been kissed, and not by me.

Ness, you dirty pervert, you-

Buttercup, fuck off. Go to hell and die there. I can't, I can't do this.

And suddenly, everything is flung into fast forward, Bayonetta clearing her throat, going back to the middle. "Ness, since you were also chosen by the bottle, it wouldn't be fair if you missed out! Let's spin again, and we'll see who you'll be getting in the wardrobe with!"

No - no - my stomach lurches, and vomit rises again. There's no way in hell this can get any worse. The bottle is rapidly spun, landing on some unfortunate girl that I don't know, and all of a sudden, I'm being forced into the wardrobe, and it's slammed shut, and it's dark, and, and, and-

"Ness!" the girl exclaims, grabbing me by the hand. "Jesus! You look like you're about to puke. I'm not that terrifying, am I?"

"Sorry," I say, gasping for air. "Sorry. I-"

"It's alright. I'm Isabelle, who are you?"

"N-Ness, I-"

"Now, what's wrong?"

I'm surprised at how easily the words flow out of my mouth. "I'm - it's Lucas, he - I'm - I like him, but, but he kissed - Nana, and -"

"I see." Isabelle nods her head, understanding the dilemma. "You're homosexual, then?"

I nod shakily, barely seeing her, barely understanding.

"Shame," she says. "Given it's illegal, and all. Why are all the good looking guys homosexual?"

"W-what? I'm - I'm not-"

"I didn't mean you," she says, but she grins. "Kidding. Though, point is, that kind of sucks. Lucas, was that his name?"

"Yeah-"

"Does he know that you like him?"

I shake my head, not entirely sure what's going on.

"And does he know that you're gay?"

I nod, wringing my hands. He does. He absolutely does.

"You idiot!" Isabelle exclaims, taking me by surprise. "Get on with it, and tell him before someone else does!"

"But - Nana-!"

"Ah, well." Isabelle relinquishes. "Maybe the kiss with Nana was just a one-off, but don't forget... if he's not into you, that's okay too."

"Definitely!" I squeak, nodding. "He's - he can do what he wants - and-"

But suddenly the door is thrown open again, and I'm tumbling out, realising in a spin that I've just confessed some of my deepest secrets to a complete stranger. I drag my way over to the others, Isabelle's advice in hand, trying to stay calm, trying to stay sane, but it's no good. Lucas is there, motionless, pretty, staring across at the opposite wall. His hair's still out of place, and I feel a sudden urge to neaten it up.

"Lucas," I say, frantically sitting down.

"How was it?" he asks, not moving.

"Awkward," I say, though it wasn't. "How was your - uh - kiss?"

"Wet," Lucas says, and Toon Link sniggers. I shoot him a glare, a burning sensation flooding through my lungs.

"Something funny?"

"You bet," Toon Link says, grinning. "Hey, Lucas, you might wanna tell Ness, where did Nana kiss you?"

"Just on the hand," Lucas says, his eyebrows furrowing. "Why do you ask?"

…

Oh my gosh.

Feeling extremely foolish, I breathe a massive sigh of relief. There had been me, imagining lips, tongues, but no. It's dainty, in a way, sort of hilarious, and I laugh, cooling down. I shouldn't be so relieved. It's not right of me. And yet...

"Did you like it?" I ask, grinning.

"Not really." Lucas pulls a face. "It was kinda scratchy."

I can't resist. I hug him, beaming in spite of myself, ignoring all the weird stares that I'm getting. He's still pure. It's cliche, and stupid, but it's such a relief.

"It was strange," he continues, hugging me back. "I think you're right - she's had too much to drink."

"You bet," I say, nodding enthusiastically.

The game ploughs on, me grinning, feeling slightly drunk with my arm over Lucas's shoulder. Pair after pair get sentenced to the wardrobe, and for anyone not involved, it's surprisingly dull. As Link and Zelda are predictably sent in together, Lucas and I resign ourselves to recounting old memories, back from primary school days when everything was simpler. Villager listens, intrigued, whilst Toon Link lies on his shoulder, his eyes beginning to close. On the other side of the room, Red seems to have built himself quite the social following, chatting and laughing amongst all of the popular kids. It completely bemuses me, wildly out of character for him. I suppose everyone is a little different when they're inebriated, but... not that different.

"What do you think I would be like, drunk?" I ask.

"Oh, I dread to imagine." Villager laughs, having sobered up a little. "You'd make the worst jokes."

"And you'd be even more clumsy," Lucas adds. "You'd practically be bouncing around the walls."

I scoff. "Well, thanks for the vote of confidence. How about you, Lucas?"

"I'd probably just hide from everybody," he says, shrugging. I sling an arm around him.

"I can totally see that."

"I get all smiley when I'm drunk," Villager says, musing. "I'm not much different, otherwise. I'm just -"

"HELP!"

We all whirl around. Link and Zelda tumble out of the wardrobe, screaming, something shadowy behind them. Lucas shouts with alarm, jumping up and grabbing my hand.

"Ness! I knew it! It's happening!"

The creature roars, the partygoers screaming as they're driven back against the wall. Villager pushes Toon Link behind him, and I hurry forward behind Lucas. It's a Future Human - but how, how?

"Everyone, get back!" Lucas yells, taking the lead. It must've been in the wardrobe, but why hadn't we seen it? The crowd clamours behind us, grabbing possessions, pushing, shoving for the exit.

"Hey, you!" I shout. The Future Human turns to me, roaring, and I quickly take it in. It's different again, another upgrade, a metal helmet covering the rotting face, gears reinforced by iron. The wood is covered, concealed fully, blades sticking out from between fingers.

"Placet Auxilium!"

"You take the left, I'll take the right!" Lucas exclaims before breaking apart from me, dashing to the side. I can only do what he says, and I duck under a metallic arm, diving into a frantic roll, coming up behind. It spins to face me, a black liquid dripping from its eyes, thick and viscous.

"Et non morieris!"

It dashes forward, and I dive to the side, yelling. Lucas turns swiftly, keeping behind it, keeping hidden. The Future Human swings, and I duck again, a blade only inches from my neck. I turn, my lungs aching, focusing on its chest, its weak point. I just need a weapon...

"Everyone, back!" Villager shouts behind me, and the Future Human turns to him, distracted. Villager screams as it lunges, but I think fast, grabbing a hanger from the wardrobe, launching it at its back.

"Placet Auxilium!"

'NOW!' Lucas yells, popping up, and I throw myself down, pushing against the wardrobe. The Future Human turns, and I slide past the creature's legs, Lucas's expression furious beside me.

"You get out of here," he says, his hands raised. "I'm giving you one chance before I end you."

"Placet Aux-"

"ONE CHANCE!" Lucas's hands shake, but the creature roars, taking a swipe for my head. I yell, ducking just in time, and Lucas thrusts his hands forward.

"PK FIRE!"

Orange erupts from his palms, and gasps ring out behind me. I shield my eyes, the light too much, flames searing around the room. They rise, suddenly, plunging into the Future Human's chest. It yells, but then it's falling, screaming, dust. It's over. It's all over.

Shocked noises ring out as the light dies. The burnt-out creature topples to the floor, engulfing the room with a flurry of smoke. Thinking quickly, Villager throws the window open, and I rush to Lucas's side.

"Is it over? Link whimpers.

"It's safe," I say, clutching Lucas's hand, and instant clamour breaks out.

Did you see-?

From his hands-

It was all metal, and-

I didn't feel any warmth, did you?

Crazy-

This must be a dream!

"Good work," Lucas says quietly to me, and I smile, briefly pressing my face into his hair.

"Says you. You were like some kind of ninja with all that manoeuvring."

"I guess," he says, shrugging. "It kind of felt… natural. I don't really know."

"You certainly destroyed it," I say, looking over. A smouldering pile of metal remains, smelling like a tannery, burnt out flesh and wood scattering the floor.

Lucas's gaze lingers on me, his mouth curved in a smile. "We're a good team, you and me."

"Of course we are." I beam, meeting his gaze. "We're the best team out there."

He examines his bandaged arms. "I'm surprised that... considering these…"

"You're just that awesome."

"Never forget it," Lucas says, his eyes sparkling. I'm relieved to see it, glad to see some of that childish flare returning. The past few days have been hard, and perhaps a victory like this is what we needed.

"It looked different again." I prod the remains with my foot. "Did you see?"

"Yeah," Lucas says grimly. "They're slowly being upgraded."

"But, after Saturday, Wario will be stopped!" Hope floods through me at the thought. "Everything's going to be alright again."

"How did you do that?" Link demands, appearing.

"Yeah, what was the-"

"There was fire-"

"Practice for the play on Friday!" Villager says loudly. "It's a trick with mirrors, and light, and - and something-"

Too consumed by alcohol to question it, a lot of people cheer.

"That was lit-"

"Absolutely insane-"

"I wasn't scared at all-!"

'They bought that?' Lucas speaks in my mind. I'd almost forgotten about the telepathy, and it makes me wince.

'Seems like it-'

Applause breaks out as Bayonetta shakily regains her control of the situation. "I think that game is over now, and that's our last game of the night, so… enjoy the rest of the party, everyone!"

The crowd dissipates, whooping as if nothing happened at all. As if there isn't a smouldering metal corpse on the carpet. They congregate around the alcohol table, but Villager comes over to us, Toon Link looking jumpy in tow.

"Are you two okay? That was an intense battle."

"Yeah," Lucas says, though I notice a couple of bruises on his face. I suppose that's nothing compared to his bandaged arms. "I feel vindicated, if anything," he continues. "I knew something was off."

"And yet, neither of you noticed it, despite both of you literally being in the wardrobe," Villager says, laughing. "But, seriously, how did that get in here?"

"Monster," Toon Link says weakly. He doesn't look too well.

"Not through the door," I say, worried. "Maybe there's a trapdoor, like in our room. Maybe it came through the passages."

"But how would it have known about the party?" Villager asks, and I don't have an answer. It's weird, concerning.

"Wario must have overheard," Lucas says, but he doesn't sound convinced.

"Unless there's a spy," Villager says. "Someone could've easily let him know, someone under his control. Or perhaps he's listening to us, somehow..." He frowns, and I raise my eyebrows.

"Howcome you're smarter when you're drunk?"

"Oi," Villager says, socking me in the arm. "Someone has to be the clever one."

"You should try it someday," Lucas says, and I pout. Lucas giggles, and it's kind of adorable, and my heart does a funny sort of flutter. Unfortunately, Toon Link breaks the moment by throwing up on the floor.

"Whoops," Toon Link mumbles, and Villager sighs.

"Lovely. Way too much to drink, I think. Why didn't you go to the bathroom?"

"Don't know," Toon Link mumbles. He sounds sad, emotional, and Villager rolls his eyes, pulling out a handkerchief to clean him up. Bayonetta comes over, frowning, carrying a bucket.

"Is he okay?"

"He doesn't usually drink this much," Villager explains, as Toon Link lolls back against the wall. "Sorry, if I'd have known he was gonna throw up..."

"It's all good," Bayonetta says, waving a hand. "I've already got to clean up that corpse, anyway." She busies herself with sweeping up the vomit, and Lucas and I approach Toon Link, concerned. It's disconcerting to see someone so familiar altered like this, so far beyond themselves.

"Toon Link?" I say. There's no reply.

"Earth to Toon Link?" Villager waves. No response.

"Is he still alive?" I ask, and Lucas giggles again. I wonder if someone's snuck him some alcohol too, he's seemed in a remarkably good mood since taking down the Future Human. Perhaps it was my awesome fighting skills.

"Hello," Toon Link says suddenly.

"Uh, hello," I say.

"Where's Pit?"

"He left."

"Is he okay?" Toon Link's brow is pinched, puzzled. "Is he - did they find Dark Pit?"

"No, Toon Link," Villager says softly. He makes contact with Toon Link's shoulder. "Dark Pit's gone, gone away."

"But - but..." Toon Link wibbles, his eyes watery. "Pit's all alone. That's sad."

"He's got us," Villager tries, but Toon Link starts crying, wet tears dripping down his cheeks.

"It's - it's so sad, I'm so sad, Villager - Villager, what's happening?"

"Shhh," Villager says, bringing him near into a hug. "There, there. Come here. Everything's going to be alright, okay? I'm here. You're just a bit emotional because you're drunk."

"Love you," Toon Link says, sniffling into Villager's neat suit.

"I know. Come on, I think we should get you back to your dorm-"

"Don't go!" Toon Link says, suddenly looking extremely afraid. "Don't leave me."

"I won't, I promise." Villager helps him up, turning to us. "Guys, I'm gonna take him back, and stay with him. I don't want him wandering off."

"Alright," I say. "You need any help?"

"We'll be fine," Villager says, looping Toon Link's arm around his shoulder. "Come on, Toon Link. You guys don't stay too long if you don't want to," he adds, turning back to us. "See you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," I say, and as the pair disappears through the doorway, I find myself grinning again.

.

.

.

.

.

As the party advances well into the early hours of the morning, I find myself getting a little more into it. At some point, Bayonetta produces a massive sausage roll, which has been sliced into several bite-sized portions, and I take my piece, hungrily chewing. Lucas has stuck by my side for the last hour or so, and it turns out drunk people are quite nice to talk to when they're well-fed, and when you've saved their lives.

"Hey, Ness," Popo says loudly, slurring, lips way too close to my ears. "You remember when I said I was gonna shag Bayonetta? You remember that?"

"I remember," I say, frowning. "You remember how I told you not to speak about her like a piece of meat?"

"I ain't gonna!" Popo exclaims, stepping back and raising his hands. "She's a - a - one of those. Women. Like - woman!"

"Yes, she is," Nana says severely, steering him away from me. "C'mon, Popo, don't be idiotic..." she takes him out of the door, and Lucas sighs.

"It's getting late," he says, giving me a pointed look.

"I thought we were staying over?" I say, getting started on another slice of sausage roll. It's too good to go to waste, and Lucas frowns in disapproval as I scatter pastry crumbs on the carpet.

"Maybe," he says. "But it's getting pretty crazy out there."

I take a moment to survey the scene, and my eyes bug out as all sorts of intense sights meet me. Some pairs are making out, swaying drunkenly in the corner. A group of boys are yelling, chugging bottles of beer, one after the other. A couple of guys are trying their hands at some quite provocative dances, thrusting and grinding like there's no tomorrow, and I look away, alarmed.

"It's almost as if we didn't just defeat a Future Human," Lucas says, glancing at the burnt-out corpse as if it's going to come alive and eat us. "What do we do with it, now what's dead?"

"Bayonetta said she'd clear it up," I remind him, though its presence is making me uncomfortable.

"Clear it up? She'll hang it on display, knowing her."

I stifle a laugh. "Maybe if she wants to scare the janitor."

"And you know what else?" Lucas says, prodding me in the chest. "Now we know that PK Fire only damages the target, we can finally save the world."

"About time that our powers were useful," I say. "But, wait. Save the world? It doesn't need saving."

"Not yet," Lucas says grimly. There's a momentary pause, before I frown.

"What do you mean?"

"Tazmily is being ravaged as we speak," Lucas says. "The city streets are full of violence, and pedophiles and slave traders are running riot, stealing innocent children from the workhouses. I don't want to think too much about it, but…"

I wave a hand. "Ah, that'll all be fine."

But Lucas's voice takes a darker turn, and he stares into my eyes, blue meeting violet. "Forget the Future Humans, Ness, forget that. I'm worried about what Porky is planning."

"Ew. Porky."

"Yeah, ew," Lucas says. "But he's got so much power. He's rich enough to build an entire city. Why would he do something like that?"

"To take over the world?"

"Ness, please..." his eyes glisten. "You've got to take this seriously."

"Sorry," I say, despite thinking that taking over the world may well be on his agenda. I don't mention it, though. Lucas is already worked up enough.

"Don't apologise," Lucas says, his voice shrinking. "Maybe I'm just… being silly, fretting about nothing."

"Well, hey." I put an arm around him. He's warm, and he lets me tug him close. "We'll stick together, right? If these Future Humans can't separate us, then Porky's got no chance."

Lucas hugs me, tight. "He can't separate us, not ever. Nothing can."

"Nothing can," I agree.

Silence falls, Lucas wrapped around me, our backs against the wall. The boys chugging beers have slowed, some of them swaying, giddily clutching onto each other and laughing to themselves. Isabelle and Nana are singing together, and I think back to being inside the wardrobe, embarrassment coming over me at once.

You idiot! she'd said. Get on with it, and tell him before someone else does!

Lucas's eyelids flutter, delicate and perfect. It's impossible to tell what he's thinking, but he's smiling, so I slip my hand into his. He takes it, softly squeezing. The room is loud, but it feels so quiet around us, like some sort of frozen point in time. Lucas is so pretty. He's so, so pretty.

I feel my breathing accelerating as I stare, and all of a sudden, the ceiling is fascinating. In fact, everywhere that isn't Lucas's face is suddenly so extremely worthy of my attention. But Lucas threads a hand through my hair, and I feel my breath hitch, my gaze brought back to him.

"Ness," Lucas says softly, as if it's a word that he's saying for the first time. I smile, weak.

"Lucas."

My heart is pounding, racing. He's right there. How hard is it just to tell him, to kiss him, to explain? He almost looks like he's expecting it, hair messy, lips slightly parted in greeting. He always looks like he's expecting it.

Tell him before someone else does!

Heh. Hah. Me, telling Lucas how I feel? What even is that? Is that a thing? Impossible. And what if he says no? What if he's scared? What if he doesn't feel the same?

"Ness?" Lucas shifts slightly, his forehead creasing. "Are you okay?"

Of course I'm okay - I'm with him! I'm always okay when I'm with him! He's perfect, and he doesn't even know it. For the last eight years, he's been everything I've lived for!

"Ness, you look sick," he says, nervously pressing a hand to my cheek. "You're burning up. Do you need to go back to the dorm?"

"No - no, I'm fine." I grab his hand, grinning like an idiot. "There's something I really need to tell you. Something I've been meaning to say for so long, and - and I think I can do it, just - just give me a moment-"

"Of course," Lucas says, quiet, though he still looks worried. I breathe, flustered in his proximity, trying to find the words. This needs to be happy. This can't be sad. This needs to be a perfect moment, and it needs to be right, if I'm really going to say…

Food, Ness. Ground yourself. Think about food. A nice steak. A good steak. Lovely, juicy steak.

But now I'm just hungry! Why isn't there anyone to ask for advice? Where are the people who know about this sort of thing!? I - I don't think I can - I'm not-!

"Ness!" Lucas says, gripping tighter onto my hand, visibly alarmed. "You're freaking out - Ness, what's wrong? Do you need to go somewhere? Are you okay?"

No - no, I'm messing it up! This isn't right! I splutter, drawing attention to myself from the crowd, and I feel my resolve leaving. I desperately reach out, trying to grab back that strength, but it's slipping away like mercury, and my eyes burn with shame. The moment is gone. The moment is killed.

I wish I had the courage of others.

I'm disappointed in myself.

"Ness?" Lucas says, tentatively taking my hand. "I'm here if you need me..."

"I'll tell you later," I croak. "It's fine," I add, though it isn't. I got so close. Now, worries are returning. Father, society, the anger. I can never tell anyone. I can't ever admit how I'm feeling.

Lest everything ends.

The party trawls on, and I hardly move, just eating more and more portions of sausage roll. Lucas sits next to me, occasionally probing, but he eventually gives up, leaning against my shoulder. Guilt is starting to take over, festering in my stomach and spreading to my mind, my heart. Bayonetta eventually announces that it's time to sleep, and then I'm lying next to Lucas on some old duvet, my face buried in a cushion. It feels wrong. I shouldn't be lusting after my best friend. It's illegal, prohibited, and it always will be.

You're disgraceful.

I'm disgraceful. Lucas comes near, and I can hear his breath behind my ear. Even this, sleeping side by side, suddenly feels sinful, like I'm taking advantage of him. Like I'm a parasite, leeching on his presence.

"I hope you feel better in the morning," Lucas whispers, wrapping tender arms around me. "You're allowed to have secrets. I trust you."

"...Yeah," I say, hollow. "I trust you too."

Yet somehow, that's still not enough.

---

A/N

Writing this took so many drafts, and I'm sorry for the lateness! I hope I didn't bait you out too hard there at the end…

I'll be honest here, I've not been feeling great these last few days. I've been trying to write, but I am getting slower, and I'm trying to combat that. I apologise if that's coming through, and the writing isn't as good, or something.

Also, hopefully, this wasn't too historically inaccurate, and hopefully, it didn't show that I almost never go to any parties like this, and that I've never drunk any alcohol in my entire life (edit: 11/03/22 - having now had Party Experience and becoming Cool(tm), I have updated this chapter a little. Which took ages. It's suddenly 14.5k, the longest in the entire fic...)

But anyway, I hope you enjoyed!

~ReadyForTeddy