Chapter 9: The Beginning of a Bad Joke
Both werewolf and vampire caught each other's scent and went on the defensive. Stanley crouched and a guttural snarl escaped him. Amy sought higher ground, atop an antique glass-front bookcase, knocking over several framed photos in the process. She gave a cat-like hiss and bore her fangs.
"Whoa, whoa! It's okay Stan, she's a friendly. She's the good kind." Buddy could not stop his eyes from rolling from his own words, he was thankful his back was to Amy.
"Amy! No, no! That's a Stickley! Please! Oh my G-d your high heels!" Phil moaned.
"Take a breath, breathe deep. He's not the Were from last night." Biff encouraged as he and Frank approached.
"I'm sure Biff has a good reason for bringing in a werewolf." Frank assured.
"You do have a good reason, right?" Chet asked as he edged up behind Biff.
"Yes!"
"Allen, you are right, he is not the Were from last night, nor two weeks ago. Then what is his purpose here?"
"You didn't say there was going to be a bloodsucker here tonight!" Stanley growled, straightening from his crouch and looking beyond pissed. His wary eyes never let Amy out of his sight.
"Okay, if everyone would calm the hell down, and get off the furniture," Biff said as he gave Amy a significant look. "I'll explain. Everyone meet Stanley Woods. He's the local den leader and he's identified the hair we found last night. Stanley, I'd like for you to meet Amy Johnson, a four hundred year old vampire who plays for our team."
"Do you really expect me to believe…?"
"Papa let her live on the field of battle." Stanley whipped his head around to the athletic slayer in disbelief, then to his cousin.
"Is this true Bud?" The former Navy Seal could only nod. If Old Man Hooper had a reason for letting a vampire live, then it had to be a damn good one, and that was good enough for Stanley.
Biff continued with the introductions and Frank gave a brief (and certainly censored) explanation why he and Phil were associating with vampires in the first place. Thankfully Amy finally descended from her perch (Phil cringed inwardly, the scratches from her pumps were going to be a pain in the ass to cover) and returned to her seat on the sofa. Stanley sat down in a seat as far away from Amy as he could find.
"Okay, so here's the thing," Biff began, "That Were Stan I.D.'d is an asshole called "The Nose", and he's dangerous."
"Very dangerous." Stanley added grimly.
"Yes, very dangerous. We can't know for sure, but it just seems too much of a coincidence with the Nose being in the same area as Frank and Phil for him not to be tailing them. I mean, he managed to push past the area of protection that Brittany…"
"Bridget." Amy corrected.
"That Bridget spelled on the area."
"You've got a witch mixed up in all of this too?" cried Stanley. He sighed heavily and rubbed his face, this was turning into the beginning of a very bad joke. A werewolf, vampire and a witch walk into a bar…
"Yeah… But moving on… Frank's upcoming seminar is the perfect opportunity to throw this guy off. I'll go with Frank as his plus one, and I suppose Amy will go along for the fun too, in her own special way." At that Amy smirked.
"But then the question is who will look after Phil." Biff continued.
"I think I'll be fine, especially with Zeke here at night."
"This guy doesn't just hunt at night. He's been known to kill in broad daylight." Stanley spoke up.
"And I believe he now knows where you guys live. So here's what I suggest: There's too much history with the Nose and Stanley's pack for him to try to cross into their lands again. While Frank's out of town Phil can stay out at the old farm with Buddy. We'll make the pack aware of Ezekiel's presence and purpose…"
"So long as the kid sticks to the farm's property line!" Stan growled.
"And Buddy will be there too. Phil can drive Papa's old diesel truck to work everyday, that'll help throw off his scent too."
"Until then Ezekiel and I and a few of my associates will put up extra wards around the house and keep watch at night." Amy added.
"You know, maybe the seminar is a bad idea after all. You all are going to an awful lot of trouble to protect me and Phil. I appreciate it, but you shouldn't have to interrupt a week of your lives just so I can go to New Orleans." Frank spoke up.
"Frank, when we rescued you back in January, we worked and planned for two weeks, with no assurance of what we would find when we got in there, or what the outcome would be." Phil told him.
"But there's more at stake here than your seminar or Phil's hide. That Were is a cold blooded killer, and if he's trying to stalk you, there's no telling what else he's doing while he's in the area. We've got to discourage him, let him think neither of you are to be found. Maybe he'll give up and go away. Or maybe my pack will catch him and finish him off."
"This plan is going to serve more than one purpose Frank." Biff rationalized.
"Then maybe you need to stay here and keep a look out as well. I took some of the vampire blood last night… I've felt fine all day. I've had more strength and energy, my leg hasn't hurt…" Biff looked at the bottle of beer on the coffee table. Oh great.
"How many of those have you had tonight?" Biff asked Frank, he turned to Phil with a raised eyebrow. Phil shook his head.
"I tried to warn him."
"That's my second. Why?"
"What time did you take the serum last night?"
"About eleven, I guess, sometime after you and Amy left." Frank was starting to lose his patience. Maybe it was because this long day was starting to catch up to him. He had noticed after the close call between Amy and Stanley that he felt the like the wind had gone out of his sails. He had shaken it off then, but he was getting increasingly tired and for the first time all day he was becoming aware of the familiar ache in his bad leg.
"Frank, you're about to find out the hard way why you can't drink alcohol when you take vampire blood."
"Okay, look I hate to interrupt the after-school special about the evils of alcohol, but I've got a family to get back to. Biff and Bud, you guys call me or come by the vineyard and let me know when we need to start stepping it up around the farm."
"We'll do that Stanley, thanks for coming over." Everyone except Amy shook the werewolf's hand and bid him good-bye. Phil noticed a tense look coming over Frank's face as he sat back down in the chair he'd been occupying.
"Phillip dear, may I have a bottle of mineral water?" asked Amy as her nose twitched.
"No problem Amy. Can I offer you all some soda?" When Phil returned with the requested sodas for his remaining guests, Amy excused herself to the hall bathroom with her mineral water, most likely to purge her nasal cavity of the werewolf's lingering odor.
"Well that went over like a lead balloon." Chet muttered as he dug into the chips and salsa.
"It could have been worse." Buddy reasoned as he did the same.
"And my bookcase..." Phil groaned, "Do you know how hard it is to find one of those in that condition for the price I paid?"
"Count your blessings that Stan didn't furplode and go all werewolf up in here. You'd have more than scratches on a bookcase to bitch about." Buddy said.
"Frank, don't forget to amend your rooming arrangements from a king to two doubles. I like ya, but I ain't sleepin' with another guy." Biff laughed, trying to get the meeting back on track.
"I have ordered the train tickets for the trip to New Orleans. You and Allen will board at Penn Station, I will go ahead the night before and meet you in…" Amy's face was bright when she came back into the den. She double-checked her smart phone for the Amtrak schedule, "Lynchburg."
"Why can't we just fly?" Frank asked tightly as he rubbed his aching leg with the heel of his hand, trying to resolve his ever growing discomfort. Finally he rested his foot on the coffee table.
"I hate to say it, but airport security is way too tight for me to carry some of my "supplies". Train travel, not so much." Biff admitted.
"So Amy, how are you going to fare during the daylight hours of the trip?" Frank wondered.
"Sleeping car." She actually looked delighted, but then her countenance returned to aloof just as quickly. "I will have to trust you and Allen to keep my compartment dark and the do not disturb sign up for me until dark." Biff looked over her shoulder at the schedule.
"We'll get into New Orleans about an hour before dark. How are you going to handle that?"
"I have prearranged a heavily overcast sky for the night of our arrival and the morning of our departure. Remember, I know people."
"Buddy, Sherman doesn't mind you staying with me at the old home place for a week?" Phil asked Biff's cousin even as he kept an eye on Frank who was now leaning back his chair, brow furrowed in pain.
"Nah, according to his schedule, that'll be his week to camp out at the firehouse anyway. And I've still got a few weeks before school starts, so we're good."
"Ha! My Navy Seal cousin, the elementary school P.E. teacher." Biff chuckled.
"Do not mock your cousin, Allen. Teaching is a noble profession. And I do not understand why men who teach are considered weak or less of a man. When public schools first came to be in this country, they were exclusively run by men. At least until after the Revolutionary War when the notion of Republication motherhood came about."
"I'm sorry Amy, I just have a hard time imagining big ole Buddy Hooper coaching tiny kindergarteners in the fine art of basketball."
"Don't take him seriously Amy. Bustin' chops is a Hooper family trait. If you can't take a teasin' then you're adopted." Buddy explained, laughing good naturedly.
"Excuse me." Frank rasped as he shakily got up from his chair and limped to the bedroom.
"It wasn't something I said? Was it?" Buddy asked Phil after the bedroom door slammed shut.
"G-d I hope not, Drama Queen Frank is getting old quick." Biff grumped.
"He's in pain." Amy said quietly. "His heart rate is significantly elevated."
"The beers diluted the vampire blood that was wearing out. And he overworked those damaged muscles. I need to go check on him…"
"I will." Chet volunteered. "You guys go on and hammer out your plans. I'll catch the highlights from Biff on the ride home."
Chet ran out to Biff's truck and retrieved his medical kit, when he re-entered the home he tapped lightly on the bedroom door. Hearing no answer Chet walked into the darkened room. He noticed Frank was lying on the bed, curled into the fetal position clutching his pillow with white knuckles.
"Frank?"
"G-d it hurts! I was so stupid for pushing myself today. Damn weak leg, weak muscles, weak everything…"
"Ok pal, don't be so hard on yourself…" Chet turned on the light from the bathroom to get a better look at Frank. The brunette was pail and a cold sweat covered his face.
"By the time I got to the bed…Gah!... I was in too much pain… to look for Phil's supply."
"Where does he keep it?" Frank pointed a trembling hand to Phil's bedside table.
"Bottom drawer, big shoebox." Chet went around to the other side of the bed and pulled a vial from the box. He came back around to Frank and set the vial on the side of the bed. Frank tried to pick it up but the nurse stopped him.
"Uh uh, no let me fix you up first." Chet pulled a black case out of his bag and unzipped it. Inside there was a sealed syringe and a small bottle. The red haired man proceeded to withdraw the medicine into the syringe.
"Do you…always carry narcotics with you?" Frank asked. Chet shook his head.
"This is eight hundred milligram ibuprofen. It's an anti-inflammatory and will take the edge off your pain." He set the measured muscle relaxer aside and got out an alcohol swab and a plaster. Chet unceremoniously pulled Frank's pants down on his hip and disinfected the area.
"Hey!"
"Shut up." With swift, experienced hands, Chet plunged the needle into the muscle and slapped the plaster on Frank's stinging skin. "Done!" Chet said proudly even as Frank hissed and winced from the injection.
Chet pulled the safety cover over the spent needle and tossed it into the bathroom wastebasket.
"Now," he began, "about the vampire blood. Biff's cousin gave me a little schooling on patching folks up with this stuff. I wish you or Phil had called me if you were planning on starting it, considering your situation."
"Don't be sore at Phil, he was only trying to help."
"Okay, well here's what I want you to do." Chet took a cellophane-sealed medicine dropper from his kit. "We need to build you up slowly. For the next three days, a quarter teaspoon. Then a half teaspoon for three days, and so on, until you're up to a whole vial. That ought to have you on a whole vial a few days before you take off for New Orleans. And you can still go to PT and not be "Superman" strong. Got it?"
"Got it." Frank said drowsily as the pain began to ebb and his tensed up muscles relaxed.
"I need to explain this to Phil too, don't I?" Frank nodded mutely, his eyes drooping.
Chet shook his head again and began to put all of his supplies away. He covered Frank with a throw that was folded on the end of the bed.
"I really need to get paid for this shit." He muttered as he left the room.
….
The meeting in the Cohen-Hardy home had adjourned for the night. Buddy took off in his SUV and Chet climbed up in Biff's Truck. The front door had just clicked shut behind Biff when he heard Amy walk, at a normal human pace, up to him.
"Allen, I would like to commend you."
"For what?" Biff was surprised to hear something nice from Amy directed his way.
"Your plan for protecting Phillip and Frank, for drawing the Nose away from them, it is a good plan. I can tell you put a lot of thought into it."
"Well, thank you Amy. I…"
"And I would also like to thank you for helping me see reason when that werewolf had taken me by surprise."
"Again, you're…"
"Although, if you had just called and informed me that you were bringing a Were into their home…"
"Ah, yes, there's always a "but", isn't there?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"You just can't say anything nice without there being some barb attached to it?"
"Why can you not take accept a "Thank You" when you get one?"
"I can! All day long! But when they come from you, there's always some sort of kick in the ass to go with it!"
"You insufferable…!" Before the argument could escalate any further Chet blew the horn once on the steering wheel.
"Biff! Let's go! I've been on my feet all fucking day and I'm tired!" The redheaded nurse called through the window. Biff huffed out an exasperated breath and gave Amy a sharp look.
"You're welcome." He spat and turned to the truck.
"Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" Amy replied silkily. Biff turn to scowl at her but she was already gone.
…
Author's Note:
I'd like to express my appreciation to all of my readers. Whether you post a review or not, when I look at my stats and see the numbers climbing, it give me hope that there are people out there who are enjoying this story.
To my UK friend, I look forward to your reviews!
I welcome reviews, even if they're anonymous. Just remember the golden rule, okay?
Even as I continue creating chapters for MoonRiver, I'm already making plans and getting ideas for the next story to make a trilogy out of all this.
I've made various fan art for a number of years, but after experiencing an extended creative block, I thought I'd try my hand at fan fiction.
Thanks to you all for making my foray into writing such a pleasure.