(Prologue: Headmaster Hand)
I've always found the 'greater good' to be a particularly abstract concept.
'Moral people' are responsible for bringing good to the world. Supposedly, their aim should be to minimize harm and maximize joy. But, after our failed escape, I'm not sure how on earth I'm supposed to do that.
In my case, the 'greater good' is to save as many people as possible from Porky Minch. However, saving as many people as possible is a big problem, because I'm not sure how many I can realistically save. Frankly, Pusher is a liability. Elmore is a liability. If I want any chance in hell at rescuing the others, I may have to make a difficult decision.
Leaving them behind seems wrong. It seems morally corrupt. But staying with them could mean we all die. I have to see it as two extremes; anyone who escapes the Brigade will live, and anyone who remains with them will not. I have to balance the evil, choosing the right people to save, the people who'll maximize success.
Messing with the greater good feels like playing God. I don't know if I have what it takes, if I have the power to do this.
It feels almost impossible.
I wallow in these thoughts for most of the day, trekking deeper into the forest, the imminent threat of our arrival drawing ever nearer. Ike isn't allowed to join us anymore, having been put on probation. He would've been dismissed completely, possibly executed for treason, but he'd managed to convince his superiors that he was trying to stop our getaway. As a result, I've hardly seen him, and another one of my escape plans has been crossed off the list.
Roy and Duster sit with me as we stop for yet another night, this time stationed by a thick oak trunk. Our new guards are less amicable than Ike, so we resign to whispering, huddling together in the biting air for warmth. We need a miracle, a saving grace, anything. Just one piece of good news. A reason to be hopeful.
"I should've recognised you," Roy mutters. "You were my headmaster for... what, eight years?"
"That time in the cell aged me," I say. "Besides, you were only sent to my office a few times."
"That's thanks to Ike," Roy says grimly. "He made me misbehave, Marth too. Listen - Marth's a Maths teacher, isn't he? How's he doing?"
"He's doing alright." I look down. "I haven't seen him for a few months. Porky had me locked up for quite a while."
"You've had such an eventful life," Roy says. He studies me, and I feel a little uncomfortable. "It's good that you're still doing this, though. Still trying to help everyone."
"Thanks," I say. "It's, erm." I have to bite back everything that threatens to spill out, about Crazy Hand, the guilt. "It's just something to do," I finish lamely.
"And 'e's magical," Duster tells Roy, nodding in my direction. "Can summon rain an' all."
"But I can't summon much else," I say. I rub my hands together, looking up at the sky. "These powers aren't much use. I kept them quiet at the school, but I've heard there are others like me. Apparently. I've never met any - well, I've seen some." I'm rambling. I must be tired. "Their names were Ness and Lucas."
"Ness and Lucas?" Roy frowns. "Who are they?"
"Just some kids," I say, shrugging. "But it was as if I could feel their magic, all the power that they have. It's, it's perplexing. I don't know. I think they're destined, if destiny even exists, to do incredible things."
"D'you reckon they can stop Porky?" Duster asks, hushed.
"I hope," I say, though it's without much conviction. "I tried to do what I could before I escaped, but I'm not even sure if they know what they are. I don't know if they understand what's going on."
"And they're just kids," Roy says sadly. "If they somehow pulled this off, they'd have to be the luckiest people on earth."
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(Prologue 2: Lucas)
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I think I might be the luckiest person on earth.
An hour ago, my best friend admitted to having feelings for me, and I admitted to having feelings for him. We kissed, sat up in a tree, cuddled, and watched the sunset together.
And God, it felt good.
I shouldn't be surprised! Of course, this is where we've been going, this is the way it's meant to be. I've depended on Ness for so long, fought battles by his side, hugged him, shared secrets with him, and we've forged an unbreakable connection. I've fallen in love with his face, his smile, his laugh, his kindness - how could I not be head-over-heels for him? He's everything I want. Everything I need, even. Ness. Ness. Such a wonderful name.
Being sappy feels strange. I never cared much for romance, until it started happening to me. It's like Ness said, this is crazy. And that kiss! I don't know what I was expecting, but it was like something out of a novel, all weird and warm and nervous. It made me want to kiss him again. And again. And then again after that.
It makes me come over all giddy. I'm finally living for myself, making a choice for myself... though, in fairness, I don't expect much to change as a result. Sure, we'll have to be careful around others, and maybe we'll be a little more intimate than before, but he's still the same Ness that I've always known, and that's kind of amazing. Even thinking about it, my stomach becomes all shy and fluttery. It makes me feel happy. It's been so long since I felt happy.
Unfortunately, the obstacle of society still looms. I resolved to put Ness first, that I don't care what others think, but it would be irresponsible to throw caution to the winds for the sake of a boy. Even if it's me and Ness against the world, the world has prison cells, guillotines, and laws against people like us. It's something we'll have to discuss, how we'll live out a future in secret. We'll calculate it together, who we tell, who we don't. Running away is something we've talked about since we were kids, disappearing somewhere better, and that's an option if it comes down to it.
But that'll be a concern for later. Right now, I want to live in the present, and experience all the new things that come with a relationship. I want to hug and kiss my Ness without problems, without worrying about what can and can't be.
It's a shame that the universe has other ideas.
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~~o00o~~
Chapter 38: Hard Truths
(Lucas)
~~o00o~~
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"Claus?"
The figure before me stares into my eyes. The Face, the monster that's been following us since before all of this began, steps forward.
"You're lying," I say, my voice echoing through the cave. "You're lying!"
But as I look closer, it becomes clear. Those same haunting green eyes, the ones that trawl my dreams. That hair, unruly and matted, brown with mud, but perhaps once bright orange. The same crooked, button-like nose. The same determined expression. Even through the strain, the same voice.
It's too much.
Claus is the Face.
The dam bursts.
I try to speak, but I can't, my throat constricting itself completely. Tears rise like a tsunami, and suddenly they're flooding from my eyes, dripping down my cheeks. I can't think. I can't understand it. Something stirs within me, pain, deep and visceral. Each wave of hurt is a new burst of agony, full of shame and anger, burning underneath my skin, and a deep sense of primal feeling fills my heart. The waterfall roars, and I'm only vaguely aware of it as I run through, rushing toward the creature before me.
It's him. It's really him.
Weakness strikes me like a train. I look up at his face, suddenly feeling so, so powerless. Ness runs up behind me, icy water splashing the both of us as he arrives, pulling me into his arms.
"Claus," I sob, deep in Ness's sodden shirt. "Claus."
Without the waterfall separating us, it feels awfully, horribly real. Claus is here, solid, tangible, and he's broken. Electronics mar his face. He gives a weak smile, and I sob, turning away at once.
"You left him," Ness says suddenly, shaking. "You left Lucas on his own."
"Ness," I croak, but he stands, clutching me tight.
"You left him for nine years!" Anger surges from him like a volcano, and I can practically feel its heat, hot and raw. "How dare you show yourself after so long? How dare you!"
Claus recoils at once, fear filling his eyes. "I - I - can say why! I'm - sorry! I-"
But Ness interrupts. "Sorry won't cut it! Do you know how much you've hurt Lucas? Do you know what you've done?"
"Ness," I whimper, scraping myself together just enough to speak. "Don't."
"But, Lucas-"
"I know."
Ness makes an apologetic noise, and I look between him and Claus, my vision swimming. I stand, and before I can think, my legs break into action, hurtling back into the cave. I run, covering my face, ice coursing through my veins.
"You've got a lot of explaining to do!" Ness says, and he shoots Claus a glare before running after me.
"I know," Claus says, his sunken face hollow. "I'm sorry."
He turns away.
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"So, it's really him?"
I nod into my arms, sitting on a moss-covered rock.
"Wow," Ness says faintly. His arms are around me, but I'm numb to them, only able to think about the husk waiting for us outside the cave. "How are you feeling about it?"
I bury my face into his chest.
Ness pulls me up onto his lap, holding me closer. I feel useless, defeated, like some kind of small child. There aren't any words to be said, not when they'd all sound so meaningless.
Yet tomorrow, beyond imagining.
It's true.
"I can't believe it," Ness says. "After all this time-"
"Yeah."
"There must be so much going through your mind."
I look up, and our eyes meet. But I avert my gaze, feeling uncomfortable. "I thought he was gone, Ness. I got over it - I accepted it, and now... he's back."
"It's good news though, isn't it?" Ness tries for a smile. "He's your brother."
"But he's broken! Look at him - what happened? Who did this?"
"I suppose that's what he's here to say," Ness says grimly. He picks up a rock, tossing it in one hand, before launching it into the waterfall. "Come on. We should listen to what he has to say."
"What if it's a trick?" I say faintly, the thought striking me with worry.
"Then I'll PK Fire him to the next planet," Ness assures me, taking my hand. "You can't hide in here forever, Lucas. It'll be okay."
He's right.
So, after what feels like only a moment, we plunge back through the icy waterfall, and out onto the grassy bank. Claus turns out to be waiting a little further away, but he stands and comes over as soon as he sees us. At the sight of him, I feel myself freezing up again, but I try to keep my courage, pushing down the rising fear.
"Hello," Ness says, sounding a lot more composed than me.
"Hello," Claus rasps. He doesn't sound composed at all; rather, his voice is croaky, and there's a kind of deep-set exhaustion to it that I hadn't noticed before.
"Hello," I say.
There's an awkward pause.
"Let's walk," I continue, gulping down the lump in my throat. "We can talk as we go."
"What about Toon Link and Villager?" Ness asks, frowning.
"They'll be fine. They'll show up soon."
"Okay," Ness says, but he doesn't sound convinced.
We start walking, and another awkward silence falls. The waterfall fades into the distance all too easily as we walk across the grassy bank, only illuminated by a thin sliver of moonlight. It's hard to gauge that this is Claus, not a monster, not the Face - part of my mind is still screaming at me to run away, tear into the forest. All those other times we ran, it's as if I knew this was here, this dreadful reality which I wasn't ready to face yet. Claus; here, but not really, and not only that, but he hardly looks like himself anymore.
"Claus, this is Ness," I say, the words blundering from my mouth like a cannonball. "He's my..." I flounder. "Best friend."
"Yes," Claus croaks, giving a kind of untidy nod. "I know."
"We never met," Ness says, his eyes narrowing at once. "Who told you that?"
"Is big story," Claus says hurriedly, before he slows, shakily lifting his arm to his shaggy head. "Very big." He sounds somehow surprised.
I look up at him, but I hastily glance away, not wanting to stare at that awfully damaged face. "What happened? Where did you go?"
"Big - very big - story-"
"Right," I say, gulping again. He sounds childlike, as if his vocabulary has somehow worsened over time. A surge of guilt threatens to rise.
"You're tall!" Claus exclaims, suddenly coughing. "You got - you got big!"
"You too," I say, and he has, actually. Only now do I register that he's even taller than Ness, which isn't tall, but it's enough to tower over me. No wonder we didn't recognise him.
He tugs childishly at his matted hair. "Am ugly, though..."
"What happened?" I ask again.
"Big story - big -"
"So tell us," Ness interrupts, somewhat rudely, and Claus bites his dark lip.
"Okay. From start?"
"Yes. From the start."
I look at him expectantly, not sure if I even want to know. Chills dart down my spine. I don't know how long it's been since he had someone to speak to. He tremors slightly, the red bulb flashing on his cheek, and then he begins.
"I found something. I found proof - sad proof." Claus looks at the sodden ground as he carries on walking, limping like a veteran. "Mummy died. They say - police say heat - heatstroke, yes? But, not true. I find proof. Was - Was Porky Minch."
"Yeah, it was," I say faintly. "When did you find this out? Was this before you left?"
Claus gives a shaky nod. "Porky said to me. He said it to me when walking - walking from market. He laughed. I went home, I wanted to tell police, I wanted to get revenge - I was, I was... stupid."
"I - I don't think-"
"Stupid," Claus says, more firmly than before. "Very, very stupid. I was - was angry. Very, very angry. I remember that well."
I bite my lip, letting his words sink in. He knew what happened all along. Of course. "But, Claus - why didn't you tell me? Or Dad?" My voice slips. "I could've helped you."
"No." He says it with a surprising amount of force. "You were - you would've been sad. I didn't want sad Lucas. I had to do it myself - do revenge - come back, and then everything would be okay again." He wrings his rough hands. "It was not okay again. I went to tell police. But it went bad..." His voice falls to a coarse whisper. "I'm sorry, Lucas."
"What happened?"
His eyes dart around. "Porky found me. I tried to hit him, but he took me away. It was all my fault. I have thought about it many times. I don't know how much I've thought - thought about that night." His voice gains more clarity. "How much I - regret it! I was worried! I thought about how you were quiet, and nervous, and that you'd be lonely on your own, and I should've been there to look after you..."
Claus takes a weary breath, and I feel Ness silently slipping his hand into mine.
"Porky take me - he take me into a big building. I didn't know where it was. He kept me in it, gave me food, kept me alive, but..." He shakes his head as if to ward off some invisible demon. "I was trapped. For a long, long time. I - I hoped someone would come and find me, but they did not."
"I tried," I say weakly. "I looked everywhere. I swear I did."
"I believe you," Claus says, and he sounds so matter-of-fact that it's almost chilling. "Not your fault. Porky's fault."
"I'm sorry," I say, unable to say anything else.
"Then, we went away from building," Claus continues as if there was no interruption. "We go to city, New Pork City. It was - a secret, he say. I was his secret. He put me in a... room. It had white walls, big bars, and this..." He waves his hands. "Thing. Like a big machine. He said he'd... play with me. Rebuild me." His eyes are screwed up with effort. "I was the only one there. Alone." He looks down at the ground through his shaggy mane. "Lonely."
I shudder.
"Porky said I made him think Lucas," Claus says. "He - he did what he wanted. He did bad things. I had no choice. He started ex- ex- expe- ri- men- ment- ting." He has to sound the word out. It's a dismal sight. "On me." He lifts his metallic arm, twitching. "It hurt. And then, there were more people. Porky brought them - they wanted to come, he said, but then they were ex-experi-ments too. He took away their skin, and took away their arms, and - and he made them into big, scary, horrible monsters. Porky kept me safe from them. He promised I was safe, said I was his favourite. He - he gave me food, he didn't give food to - others. But still, he…" Claus shakes himself off. "He hurt the people. I wanted to help the people, but Porky hit me if I spoke to them. I didn't like it."
"Claus," I say faintly, my heart starting to pound. "Claus."
"So, I became... this," he says, holding his arms out as he walks. "It was dirty. My hair - grew. I-I don't know how I..." He trails off. "I-I wanted to die. I remember that. I wanted to die, so, so badly." He speaks without emotion, like it's a simple fact. My eyes burn, but I push my feelings down for Claus's sake, instead gripping tighter onto Ness's hand. Ness grips back, and I take a ragged breath.
"How did you escape? How did you get away?"
"I will say that later," he says, perhaps sensing my distress. "In the - in the room, Porky saw that I was sad. He said I was no fun when I was sad. He brought me a friend to make me happier."
"A friend?" Ness says sharply.
"It was a girl," Claus says. "Porky say she was Lucas's friend, her name... Inkling."
My breath hitches. "I-Inkling?"
"Yes." Claus's eyes shine, his voice becoming clearer again. "She was good friend. She told me about you, how you met Ness, that you were sad, but becoming more happy, more confident... doing well! She said you were going to start big school, soon."
"And Porky kept you together?" I ask, wondering why on earth Porky would do this. "In this room?"
"Yes." Claus gives an uneven nod. "He give her food, too. Other people came in and then went away. More exp- peri- ments. They become monsters too, big, angry monsters... At night, I protect Inkling from the monsters. Then, there was a man, Porky's friend. Doctor - Doctor..." He shakes his head, the name eluding him. "He helped make the monsters. But he didn't like Porky, he said. He said Porky was scary, was mean."
"But Porky was nice to you?" Ness asks.
"Yes, I think," Claus says. "I don't know, I don't understand..." He sighs. "He say I was good, but then he get angry. He destroy things. It was scary. Me and Inkling - kept each other…" He waves his arms around, as if trying to think of a word. "Alive. But - I - I don't know why Porky liked us - he never liked anyone else. Sometimes, Lucas, he'd tell me..." His eyes glisten. "He'd say how you were. That made me happy. He promised I'd see you again if I was good. If I did what he said."
"I should've kept searching," I murmur, my voice impossibly small. "I stopped looking - I thought you'd died - I thought you'd fallen in the river and drowned - I didn't know."
"It's - okay, Lucas," Claus says, with more conviction than anything he's said yet. "But - it was bad. He did a lot to us - hurt us - but, one day, he got really, really angry. I don't know why. He did killing. He shot Inkling with a gun."
"No!" I exclaim.
"Yes," Claus says blandly. "It made everything more sad, I think, for a long, long time. Porky said sorry many, many times, but I didn't forgive. I tried to run away, but Porky said no. I forgot things. It was very fast - everything happen very quick, I can't remember..." He shudders. "I was sad, like - like broken... toy. I tried not eating food, but Porky would make me. I tried many things. Nothing worked."
I open my mouth, but no sound comes out. There's so much to say, but I don't know how to word any of it.
"One day," Claus continues. "Doctor - the doctor man - he say that Porky is gone, doing busy jobs. He took me out of the room, and out of a big door, to the New Pork City. He said 'run', so I run and run and run, as much as I can. I run so much, because I was free! I was so happy, and also confused, but mostly happy... I think. A man found me running, he said 'would you like to go to Onett?' and I say 'yes.' He was good, he had a big wagon and loads of horses. He took me in the wagon with more people, he said he was rescuing us, taking us away from - from the bad."
"Who was this man?"
Claus frowns momentarily, but then his eyes light up. "He was tall! The very tall man, the Leader man. He take us to Onett in his wagon, and it was a long, long journey but not as long as when I was in Porky's room - and then we arrive, and he tell us to get out, and find our families."
"When was this?" Ness asks. "How long ago?"
"Not long," Claus says, miming something obscure with his hands. "Time is tricky. It is hard to know."
"And did you find your family?"
"I did not," Claus sighs, turning to me. I'm only able to hold his gaze for a moment. "Most of all, I wanted to find Lucas. I wanted say hello to Lucas again. But I went to Dad's house, Lucas not there, and Dad didn't open the door."
"He might've been at work," I say, my voice a little hoarse. "He works in the mines."
But Claus shakes his head. "I saw him in the window. It made me sad."
"I'm sorry."
"Not your fault," he says again.
An uncomfortable silence falls, and I vaguely register we've reached where we were before. Choosing to sit on a grassy rock, I momentarily bury my head in my hands. Ness joins me - I'd almost forgotten he was with us. Claus sits opposite, his imposing figure once again becoming unavoidable.
"So, how did you find us?" Ness asks. "You've been following us for a while, right?"
Claus nods, his straggly hair falling around his face. "I found train. I was hungry, and people screamed when they saw me. So, I went to the fields and ate corn and hided in the shrubbery. The fields were by the train tracks, and one day, your train to big school stopped because of big snow - and I saw Lucas through the window! It made me very, very happy. But - but when I ran and looked, when I tried to say hello, I made you scared. You didn't see who I was. You screamed, and I felt sad."
"I'm sorry," I croak. "We thought you were some monster. I should've known-"
"No," Claus says again. "You was right. I am monster - look!" He holds out his ruined arm as if it hasn't scarred me enough already. "Metal. Bad. I should have been more clever, I think. I went on the roof to say who I was, but that made you more scared. In the end - I had a ride on the roof - all the way to your school, because I really, really wanted to say hello. I wanted to talk to you! Say... sorry." He looks down.
I can't hold back the tears any longer. He's talking like a child because he doesn't know any different. He's not been taught otherwise, he's not developed, he's not been allowed to grow, to have fun, or even learn. This is my brother, my role model… but it's as if he's still eight years old, trapped in a tortured teenager's body.
"We - we called you The Face," I say, sniffling. "I had no idea - Claus - I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry-"
"Is okay - no cry, Lucas," Claus says insistently. "I went into big forest. I live there, was okay. I ate fish and berries and did stealing from the kitchen. One night, I saw you again, but you ran. It was good to see you, but..." He sighs. "I was not happy. I thought, 'am I ugly? Am I scary?' But I heard some people - in the forest - two men saying about some…" He screws up his brow. "Dis - a - ppear - ances. Was really, really worried - I had to try more, make sure you were safe, and, and, I heard about the Wilderness Survival Week, too! So, I come here. I got on roof, I follow you to the forest. I was scared, but was brave when you walked. I followed - and now, I am here. And - and... that is what happened," he finishes lamely.
There's a deathly pause.
"Claus," I say, my voice watery. "You're - you're really brave, okay? I don't know what to say, I - this is a lot. You're so, so brave."
"Thank you," Claus says. He gives a toothy smile. "I am happy now. I found you! I said hello."
"Hello," I say.
"Hello," he says back, grinning. I'm not sure what to do, what to say. He looks lost for a moment, before his eyes light up again. "Tell me about you, Lucas! Is you happy? What did I miss?"
"Uh - well, not, not much," I say, uncertain where to even begin.
"Boney - how is Boney?" Claus pushes, and the name is like a stab to my heart.
"I - I don't know," I lie. "We left him with Duster, remember?"
"Oh, yeah…"
Ness cocks his head to the side. "Boney? Who's that?"
"Our dog," I explain. "We had to leave him in Tazmily when we came to Onett." That much is true. The rest is too horrible to even remember. "The journey wouldn't have been safe for him, and he'd have been too expensive to look after."
"Aw… you never mentioned that," Ness says. "I wish I'd met Boney."
I look down. "I honestly forgot about him."
"Forgot?" Claus stares at me, sadness in his eyes. "You forgot Boney?"
"I forgot most of what happened in Tazmily," I say, and it hurts because it's true. So many of my memories are fading, or dazzled with nostalgia.
Claus is quiet for a moment, before he asks, with a great sense of uncertainty, "Did you forget… me?"
"No," I reply at once. He seems reassured by this.
"I was worried that you would."
"How could I?' I say, with more sharpness than I intended. "How could I forget you?"
Claus averts his gaze. "I am sorry."
"It's okay," I say, even though it's not. Even though nothing feels okay, or like it ever will be okay again. We fall silent, and I stare, agonised, at the crocuses, and the long, overgrown bank. Hearing everything Claus has been through - well, suddenly, my problems don't feel like problems anymore. Compared to all that Porky did - all that I let Porky do, by giving up searching - I've had it so tremendously, undeniably easy.
I think I'm still in shock. Part of me still hasn't accepted the fact that this is Claus. Part of me still hasn't processed it, allowed it to be true. Claus. My brother. My twin brother. He looks like this, like some kind of monster. And he talks like a child. The most disconcerting thing, I decide, is trying to connect the flame-haired, lively, happy boy to this sunken, diminished figure.
Beside me, Ness's uncertainty ripples like a wave. I don't think he knows what to say either. And why would he? He's never met Claus before. Hhe knows next to nothing about him, but suddenly he's here, in front of us, and it's unavoidable.
"Tell me more about you," Claus says nervously, this time towards us both. "Wh-what's big school like? I really want to know."
"It's huge," I say, glancing toward Ness. "Like - like a big castle, but you probably saw… erm, we have lessons, four lessons per day, and one of them is double. It's always busy, and we have a decent amount of free time, too. It's good."
"Good..." Claus's eyes light up slightly. "I liked school. Everyone was nice there. What lessons? Do you do Maths?"
"Yeah." I nod. "Maths, science, English…"
"What is that? Science?" Claus asks, his sunken eyes curious.
"It's plants, animals, space, that kind of thing," Ness explains, speaking for the first time in a while.
"Woah..." Claus's mouth falls open a little bit. "That's cool."
"I want to be a scientist when I'm older," I say. "We have other lessons, though - we've got History, we have Sport, Music and Art..."
"Art?" Once again, a vague semblance of a smile appears on Claus's face. "Do you still do painting? I really, really liked when you did painting."
"Yeah," I say. "Erm, I've - I've got better at it, since then."
"He has," Ness chips in. "He's so good. They look so real."
I flush, looking at a blade of grass. "They're not that good. It's just something to do, I guess."
"That's really cool." Claus grins, for what looks like the first time in years. "And - music?"
"Yeah. I play the piano."
"Pi-ano?" Claus's expression shifts to a thoughtful one. "You mean, like in… Yado Inn? I remember a big, big thing. It made nice sounds."
"That sounds right," I say.
"A-And - friends?" Claus asks, growing in confidence.
"Yeah, we've got loads," Ness says, not meeting Claus's eyes. "There's Toon Link, who's loud, funny…"
"Inkling said about him," Claus sighs, expression melting again.
"...and Villager, he's calm, and sensible. Red, who likes studying, and Pit, who's quiet."
"They sound really nice," Claus murmurs. "And Lucas - do you - have a… girlfriend?"
"Uh, no," I say, suddenly incredibly uncomfortable.
"D-Do you remember - when - I used to have a new girlfriend, every week?"
"Yeah..."
Claus sighs. "That was good."
"Yeah.." I awkwardly sweep the hair out of my eyes. "Good times..."
Ness carefully threads an arm around me. I gratefully shift up next to him, still feeling the jittery nerves, still lacking comprehension of how, and also starting to feel anger seeping in. I feel it building in my gut, righteous anger at what Porky has done to my brother. The childhood he stole - the experiences, of school, of growing up, everything that could've been. The potential. Leaving him behind, a sick toy for him to play with. Something Porky used for his own pleasure. A spectacle, even. It makes me sick - who knows how many others Porky has ruined? How many other futures have been lost? Not just how many people - but how many families, left in ruin like my own? How many tears, shed? How much misery? How much heartbreak?
I bite down the tears. Crying would do nobody any good.
"School sounds really, really nice," Claus says, though he sounds distant again.
"It was," Ness says, now studying his leg. He still doesn't meet Claus's eyes, even as his face falls.
"Was?"
We explain the events of the last couple of weeks.
"Wow," Claus says when we're finished, but he doesn't seem too surprised. "Scary?"
I grimace. "Yeah."
"I'm... sorry." He scratches his head. "Sorry that Porky has been mean - to you. I should - should be there. Protect you, like a good big brother."
"We're twins," I remind him.
"Yes, but you were scared." Claus looks at me sympathetically, and I feel myself entering a pit of shame. "Why Porky choose you? Why me? I do not know - do you know?"
"No," Ness says regretfully. "We don't understand either - I don't know why we're mixed up in his plan."
"I think it must be to do with our powers," I say. "That's the only thing that makes us special."
"P-Powers?" Claus raises an eyebrow.
We tell him.
"You must have had many, many adventures," Claus marvels, though there's still pain in his voice. "Big ones…"
"We're going to Onett soon," Ness explains. "We're waiting for our friends to meet us here. You can come with us if you like. We can get you cleaned up. Get you some clothes. A haircut. Right, Lucas?"
"Uh, yeah," I say. I hadn't even considered that, what to do next. Will I have to look after him? The thought scares me.
"Onett?" Claus looks up in surprise, but he smiles again. "We go there?"
"Yeah," I say, trying to sound soothing. "We can get you cleaned up, and - and then, you can be more like yourself again, okay?"
"That is good," Claus says. "I would like this. I have forgotten how I was like before... I think." His expression grows vacant. "Long time ago."
There's a beat of silence.
"It'll be okay," I say, unsure who I'm trying to convince. Nervously, I shift forwards, taking his non-robotic hand. "You can form a new identity, Claus. You can learn things. You're safe now, I promise."
"Thank you, Lucas," he says sincerely, but his face becomes ancient in a matter of seconds. "That sounds hard," he admits. "Really, really hard. I don't remember… what it's like, what home is like, very much."
"You'll learn again," I say. I want to hug him, but I'm not sure how good an idea that is. "You've been through a lot, Claus. It's okay. You believe that, right?
But his shaky nod isn't very convincing.
I stare at him, rubbing my neck. I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure what we're going to do, now that he's suddenly shown up - I'm not even sure how to talk to him! It feels so wrong, and so awful. So, so awful. Like he shouldn't be with us, like he isn't alive, as if he's an apparition, but here, right before our eyes. In flesh and metal, naked, bare before us.
But this is hardly my brother, I find myself thinking. It's a shadow of what once was - where are his bright eyes? His laugh? Is there even hope for him? The thought strikes me in a dreadful moment. Is it too late, now that he's been changed, experimented on? I find myself wondering exactly what Porky has done, what the electronics are for. I already have sickening ideas about what else Porky could've been doing to him, but... the experimentation. The metal arm. Does it function like a normal arm? Is Claus in control of it? And the metal sections of his left leg, the flashing light on his left cheek? It's so bizarre. Unholy comes to mind, but that's not the right word at all - I can't think. I don't know.
"How is Dad?" Claus asks. "What's - he like? Is he happy?"
"He's fine," I lie instantly. "He's a coal miner still, he works for Ness's father. I don't think he got over everything that happened, but he's... coping. Even with the debt."
"But he's neglectful," Ness grumbles. "He doesn't look after Lucas properly. Lucas has to cook for himself, and make money in the streets."
I wince. Claus didn't need to know that.
"Oh," Claus says miserably. "Sorry."
"It's okay, I get by," I say, trying and failing to sound upbeat.
"That is good."
Another dismal silence falls. I will the ground to swallow me up.
"We're not actually sure where the others are," Ness explains, fiddling with a daisy in the grass. "They were supposed to arrive today, but they haven't. When they're here, we'll go and meet Pit and Red, but... we're not sure what to do in the meantime."
"Oh," Claus says.
"Perhaps we should sleep?" I suggest, with a sideways look at Ness. "I think I need time to process this before seeing the others. We can keep talking tomorrow, Claus. You must be tired, right?"
"Yes," Claus agrees. "But - but - I am very sorry for making you cry, Lucas. I am - I am scary now, and I... I feel bad. I will try and be less scary, and make you less sad, be good brother. It is very, very hard, though. If you no want me here, I can go away - I - if you like..."
"It's okay, you can stay," I say. "I - Claus, I missed you. So, so much. I'm not sad, I promise - it's amazing that you're here, that you're alive. It's just, after so long… It's a lot." I bite my lip. "A hell of a lot."
"A hell of a lot." He nods. "But, yes, sleep. I will sleep. I am really, really happy to see you again, Lucas." He grins. "Goodnight, Lucas and Ness."
"Goodnight," I say, smiling at him, and I hope it doesn't look forced. "I'm happy to see you too."
He turns away, and I bite my lip, hoping that I haven't upset him, but he obediently makes his way toward the outskirts of the forest, he lies down on one side, and within a couple of minutes, his eyes are closed. I exhale at once, not realising how tense I was, not realising how much I'd been holding my breath. My heart is still pounding from shock, the image of him, just lying there, not dead. I close my eyes, sitting on the boulder, the damp moss soaking my trousers. Tomorrow, unimaginable. So, so unimaginable.
"I think he's asleep," Ness observes. "Wow."
"Yeah, wow is the word," I say weakly. "Wow."
"How are you feeling?"
"Overwhelmed."
"You're doing really well," Ness reassures me. "You're so strong."
"And that was incredibly condescending," I say. "But, thanks."
"No problem." Ness smiles. "It's mad, but you're keeping your head. You're calm."
"I don't feel calm. This is crazy. I - I don't know how to deal with it. I'm terrified."
"I mean, anyone probably would be," Ness reasons. "It's pretty insane. The monster of your nightmares has turned out to be your long lost brother."
I force a smile at Ness's bluntness. But I can't help but glance at the sleeping, broken Claus. Curled up in a defensive ball, that metal arm twitching slightly. What the hell did Porky do?
"He looks so messed up," I manage.
"Yeah..." Ness frowns, rubbing his face. "It sounds like Porky hurt him. A lot."
"Will he be able to get better?" It's more of a plea than a question, but Ness nods anyway.
There's another pause.
"The Face is Claus," I whisper.
"And you're my boyfriend," Ness whispers back.
But even that can't cheer me up. "Do we tell him about us? Do you think he'd care about that sort of thing?"
"Maybe," Ness reasons. "I dunno, though. He might accidentally tell other people. Maybe we should just say we're best friends."
"Okay," I say.
To my surprise, Ness pulls me up into his lap. It's unfamiliar, but it's a comfortable position, and I lean my head against his chest. Ness wraps his arms around me, and it's something better to focus on. It takes me away from my worrying, if only a little bit.
I speak into his ribcage, "I feel guilty, Ness. It's eating away at me."
"Eating away at you?"
"...Maybe if I'd gone out looking more, if I hadn't given up…"
"Goddammit, I knew you'd say that," Ness sighs, laying firm hands on my shoulders. "It's not your fault, okay? And even if you had found him, Porky would've hurt you, badly. I couldn't have that."
I breathe in. Ness's scent catches my nostrils. "Maybe."
"And besides, he was in New Pork City. We didn't even know that place existed until a couple of weeks ago. It's okay, Lucas. I promise."
"I guess," I say, relaxing a little bit. "How are you feeling about it, though?"
"Weirded out," Ness says. "I mean, he sort of appeared out of nowhere. And he knows a lot about me. And Inkling. God, I haven't even begun to think about that..."
"Don't start, it weighs you down after a while."
"It does?" Ness lightly massages my shoulders, and I sigh, letting the sensations distract me.
"You bet."
"This relationship thing is easy," Ness says, upon seeing my contentment. "You're very low maintainance."
"Maybe I haven't started being difficult yet," I say. "Maybe I'll start demanding constant affection. Infinite hugs."
"Nonsense," Ness says, laughing. "You're perfect. I don't know what you mean."
"In that case, give me cuddles, or I'll go and start talking to other guys."
"Wow," Ness starts, his eyes wide. "That's a new side of you. Not gonna lie, kinda turning me on."
I blush deeply. "Ness!"
He prods me, sticking out his tongue. "I'm kidding, you goof."
"Y-You're the goof!" I exclaim, still very much flustered.
Ness smiles innocently. "1-0 to me."
"That's not fair!"
"All's fair in love and war."
"I will break up with you," I protest, but I smile at him, my worries slipping away. "What would you do after that, huh? Who would you depend on then?"
"You wouldn't break up with me," Ness says confidently, but he frowns. "Would you?"
I find myself grinning wider, and it's as if all the weight disappears at once. "Depends if you behave, I think. Which makes it 1-1."
"Hey!" He pouts. "That is not a point to you."
I laugh, hugging him. Since when did I feel like this around Ness? Maybe since I started depending unhealthily on him, I think to myself cynically, but perhaps that's not the entire truth. Nowadays, I can't remember a time that I wasn't head over heels for him. Him and his stupid grin. Him and his silly humour.
"We should sleep," Ness says, yawning. "But, uh, first... I'd kinda like to try kissing again?" He reddens profusely. "Would that be okay?"
"Of course," I say, and he comes near at once. This time, it's perhaps a little tidier, and still surreal, even though we end up sprawled all over the grass. I laugh at Ness's dumbfounded expression when I surface, poking the goof in the side. In a world which seems so adult, with so many awful things happening to us each day, what Ness and I have feels wonderfully naïve. I could disappear in it forever.
"This got sappy," Ness notes, grinning nonchalantly. "Your brother came back from the dead, and here we are, kissing."
"Yes, because you're my distraction from the pain." I smile, poking his nose. "Come on, time for you to sleep. We'll work everything out with Claus later."
"But what about Toon Link and Villager?"
"They'll be fine," I say, though the thought is worrying. I can't think of any reason that they'd be this late. "Unless you think we should go and investigate?"
"Nah, I'm too tired to search from them now." Ness yawns again. "I need to have a nap."
"If you're tired, then you'd better," I say seriously. "We'll need all the strength we can get for whatever life throws at us next."
"Nah," Ness says. "It'll be fine, Luke."
"Luke?"
"Yeah, Luke? Isn't it a nice name?"
"No, it's horrible," I say, physically repulsed. "Never call me Luke again, or I actually will break up with you."
Ness snorts. "Well, Lucas, the point is, we'll be fine. We've got each other, right?"
"Our powers aren't unlimited," I remind him. "We still need to be careful."
"I guess." He flops down onto his back, and as he looks up at the stars, I can't help but worry whether he's taking this quite as seriously as I am.
"Sleep well, okay?" I whisper. "No nightmares. I'm gonna stay up for a bit, just in case the others show up. Come and find me if you need anything."
"Okay." Ness grins. "Goodnight, king Lucas."
I shake my head as he closes his eyes.
It turns out the best place to sit and wait is back on that boulder, and I park myself there at once, staring out over the moonlit riverbank. The cold evening air is pleasant, full of the distinct smell of late-night wanderings, and a serene wind drifts past, floating languidly over my exposed fingertips. It's chilly, but not quite cold enough to be painful. The sky is once again cloudless, shimmering with pinpricks of light, alive with all kinds of strange forces and chemical reactions.
I wonder if it's true what they say, that you go there when you die. That heaven and hell and all of those things are real, that the dead are judged by some great force. 'Remember what is real, and what is not,' Ryu had always told us - maybe he's up there now, watching, guiding. Even now I hear his voice, prickling at the back of my mind, knocking at the door, waiting to come in, to tell me that I'm doing this all wrong. His words, bleeding into my thoughts. His dying breath, in my own lungs.
I will keep his memory alive through my actions. That will be part of what I am, what I must become. Because he deserves that much. He deserves to live.
But what will that mean for me? I kick at the dirt in discontentment, exhaling, my foggy breath swiftly dissipating. There, and then not there. Alive, and then dead. Like Ryu. Like Mother. Like Claus, except… alive, again.
Maybe it's weird seeing my biggest role model like this. Even subconsciously, I would ask myself what would Claus do? whenever I faced adversity. I'd always imagined a Claus of today to be brave, stronger than me. I never could have imagined this, this half-alive hybrid. His presence tears down my nostalgic memories, warping my perception of reality - maybe if mother were still alive, she'd have ended up deeply depressed. Perhaps if Ryu were still alive, he'd have made mistakes. Maybe the typical human idyllic view of the dead is wrong. It's presumptuous.
The cold air starts to nip at my skin, even through my coat, which I pull further around myself. Perhaps this wasn't the best place to sit, perhaps it's too exposed.
Thinking about Ness always warms me up, though. Whatever I become, he'll be a part of it. He'll always be a part of my life. He always has been, or at least, my life felt like it only began when I met him. It was only natural that we'd end up here, I think. If I'd woken this morning, and I'd known that by the end of the day, we'd be together… well, I wouldn't have even begun to believe it. Yet, it's right, just like all the rest of this madness. It was meant to happen. I was meant to see my brother again.
I brush a finger underneath my left eye, and it comes back wet.
But it's better than feeling empty.