Prologue: ?
Stepping on my tiptoes, I push through the crooked doorway.
The hallway reeks of ancient mustiness, thin threads of cobwebs drifting in the stale air. Dirt brown walls pile up either side of me, once-pretty wallpaper peeling like burnt skin. A single stub of candle flickers on the windowsill, sitting squat in a thick coating of dust.
They're here. At last.
I edge across the threadbare carpet, a distant pair of whispers growing louder as I advance. Cracked wooden beams support the ceiling, and I eye them with caution. Woodworm got them long ago. The ceiling might collapse at any minute.
No doubt the whisperers thought they'd be safe here. This place has been abandoned for years, tucked away in a back alley of the First Residential District. This is the Sharks' territory, a safehouse perhaps, no doubt a wealth of supplies in some cupboard or other. But a quick bribe had kept the Sharks quiet. And the men here tonight... they're doing something else.
I crouch behind the shadowed doorway.
"Is it procured?"
"Yes. Of course it is."
"And were you followed?"
"No. I checked, twice."
The first man gives an approving hum, and I allow myself a silent grin. One can always take advantage of human laziness to bring big great rewards — he didn't check, not once. I drag my fingers over a darkened painting of Marie Antoinette, moving slightly nearer to the doorway.
"Let's see it, then."
I allow myself vision, being sure to keep just out of the light. Two shabby-looking men sit on either side of a chipped wooden table, their shirts filthy, one of them wearing a dirt brown cap, the other wearing a great, untamed beard. The bearded man places a bundle of old rags onto the table, and the capped man rubs his hands together, looking at the bundle with glee.
The bearded man begins to unwrap the bundle, taking great care not to damage whatever is inside. He's slow — I edge with impatience — but I have to wait. I have to be sure it's real. If it's to be gifted to him, I have to be absolutely certain.
Layers upon layers of cloth are brought down until the final, filthy rag has been carefully removed. There is a glimmer of something bright, and I strain my eyes to see, but the two men lean forward, blocking my view.
"It's so beautiful..." murmurs the capped man, awed. "Must be worth so much… and it's genuine? You checked?"
"Of course." The bearded man clicks his tongue with indignance. "Touch it if you like. See how real it is then."
My eyes widen with excitement.
"I don't think so... I know what the legends say," says the capped man. "I ain't touching that thing with a barge pole. But... how can it possibly be here? It's a myth, a story."
"Every story has origin in truth," says the bearded man, shifting in his chair. "This artefact, everyone thought it impossible. And yet, everyone who touched it... no sign of them."
"And it was stolen?" The capped man looks greedy again. "Locked up for so long, and now..." He licks his lips. "How did you get it?"
"An inside job. As I told you before."
"An inside job…" Slowly, the capped man reaches toward the object, but his partner slaps it away. I rest my hand on my revolver, waiting for the perfect moment. Marie Antoinette watches me, urging me to make the move.
"You are losing yourself," the bearded man says curtly. "Don't succumb to the stone's majesty."
But the capped man doesn't take his eyes off it. He almost looks hypnotised. "How much is it worth?"
The bearded man gives him another look, beginning to wrap the bundle back up again. "Two hundred thousand pounds, I reckon. One hundred thousand each. That'll be enough to buy whatever you please."
"Anything..." the capped man says, a dreamlike expression on his face. "Maybe Emmeline... maybe she'll finally be mine…"
And as he moves his head, I catch a glimpse of it. There's a dash of gold, the image of a sundial. It disappears behind a cloth, and the capped man shakes his head as if emerging from a trance.
It's time.
I pull out my revolver with a flick of my wrist. It feels familiar, held so many times before. I move into the light, and the two men turn with horrified expressions.
"Hello," I say sweetly, my finger on the trigger. "I'm afraid that I'm going to have to kill you."
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~~o00o~~
Chapter 43: Ducks and Butterflies
(Ness)
~~o00o~~
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When I come to, the first thing I feel is pain.
Colours fly invisibly around my vision, a distant ringing searing my ears. Voices fade in and out, sinking and rising, and I hear myself panting for breath, my throat raw. Then, something's gripping my hand, and I'm being pulled, out, out, out...
I blink in the darkened haze. Someone kisses me, and I gasp, light rushing in all at once. Lucas's face flickers in front of me, his lips wobbling, his cheeks dark with scars and ash.
"Geldegarde," I manage, feeling my chest, my back searing. "Where — Geldegarde-"
Everything's a blur. Everything's dizzy, the pain, the light, the noise...
Lucas guides me to a sitting position. Trees stretch mountainously all around us, cries ringing out through their leaves. The brave, the innocent, the faultless, Ryu. They feel close.
Death itself feels close.
"He's gone," Lucas says quietly. "He disappeared in the explosion. You're okay, Ness. I've got you."
The explosion... so much fire. So much heat. Maybe that's why I burn.
"We got away," Lucas whispers. "The Brigade left us there. You've been out for a while... Claus is here too."
"Hello," Claus rasps.
I look up at him, unseeing. A crater is behind him, tearing apart the earth, violent, like a knife through a body. Dirt spills everywhere, like blood, like flesh. Cracks split out like scars.
My ears ring.
Lucas's coat is peppered with tiny holes, dark with smoke. I cough, almost tasting it on my tongue. Lucas forces something to my lips, and I gulp it down — water. Blessed water.
"Are you okay?" Lucas asks anxiously.
"I - I think," I croak. "It's - it's sore."
"Where does it hurt?"
"Everywhere," I say, sounding unbelievably pathetic.
Lucas takes a bundle of leaves, dips them in cold water, and presses them to my back. I exhale, the furious heat quenched by the cold. The clearing becomes a little brighter, the remains of the campsite appearing around us. Something orange glows in the distance, and I almost cry out, but it's just the sunrise.
"What happened?" I ask, shaking.
"Geldegarde wanted to blow up Captain Strong," Lucas says. "He was a political rival, I guess. We untied Ike and the others, they must've got away, because they were gone when I woke up. Everyone was, even the Brigade. You... covered me." Lucas averts his eyes. "You protected me from the explosion."
My mind spins. I press my hand against my head, the voices getting louder. I should have died. I feel as if I should have died.
"Are your ears ringing too?" Lucas asks quietly. "Mine were when I woke up. It'll go away, hopefully."
I shakily nod. His face is right in front of me, but the rest is noise. So much noise.
"We need to find the others," Lucas says, touching my face. "They've been gone for too long. Are you going to be okay to do that?"
I try to nod, but I can only wince, falling back. I shake Lucas's hand away, clawing for a grasp on reality. Everything swims again, the noise pulling me back under. Lucas comes to my side, hugging me, letting me fall on his shoulder, guiding me safely back into the darkness.
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When I next wake, the sky is bright, and the sun has fully risen. I blink wildly, trying to block it out, but my head doesn't protest as much as I expected. I force my eyes open, looking around for Lucas.
"Ness awake!" Claus cries, and I jump. Lucas hurries out of the forest, a look of relief on his face. I let him come down to hug me, hugging him back.
"Y-Your ankle," I stammer, looking at him. "Is it still bad?"
"Painful," Lucas admits. "But something in the explosion clicked it back into place, I guess. I can walk again."
"And are - are my injuries bad?" I ask, sounding childish. Lucas grimaces.
"They're mostly surface level, but they're kind of everywhere. You're going to be okay, but... it's gonna hurt."
I force myself up, my head spinning. Lucas nervously stands with me, trying to support me, and I just about keep conscious.
"Ness okay?" Claus asks, looking at me with his worried eyes.
"I don't know," I say. My voice sounds less raspy, but it's still raw. "Where are the others?"
"We'll have to find them," Lucas says gently. "But only when you're better. Only when you're less dizzy."
"I'm less dizzy," I say, but Lucas looks doubtful.
"You look sick, Ness. You're probably concussed, you've probably got tinnitus..."
I shrug. Perhaps sleep was what I needed, because I feel a lot stronger all of a sudden. I feel obliged, if anything, to do something. To find the others. Lucas follows me as I experimentally step toward the forest before breaking into a steady walk.
"We going?" Claus says uncertainly.
"Seemingly," Lucas replies.
We walk out of the clearing, me leading the way. The ringing in my ears is fainter now, but it sounds vaguely hopeful, like something calling me in the distance. Lucas takes my hand, and I focus on it, trance-like.
"What happened to the Tazmily villagers?" I ask.
Lucas chews his lip. "I'm not sure. I assume they escaped in the chaos."
"They go," Claus says. "But I stay. I wait for Lucas."
Lucas nods, but I notice him regarding Claus with a wary expression. The Boney situation comes rushing back to me, and I shudder. Claus is behaving as if the whole thing never happened.
The idea of Geldegarde wanting me is terrifying. He wanted to take me as a pawn, to use me or sell me as leverage over my father. Yet, Lucas suffered on the street to protect me, all while I sat there and did nothing. Inadequacy prickles at me again — if only I'd goddamn known, then I could've kept Lucas safe. But of course, he didn't tell anyone. He never does.
"You look worried," Lucas says to me, but I shake my aching head.
I know better than to push him about it. Much as I despise the idea of him suffering for me, it was his decision, and it's been done now. Maybe I would've said something when I was younger, but lambasting him about it would only make things a million times worse. Lucas makes his own choices, I know that now. I'm not to interfere.
I block this thought from my mind, choosing instead to think about how he's doing right now. He looks exhausted, his face murky with grime, but his jaw is set and his expression is resilient. Even like this, I can't help but find him pretty. He's come so far from the timid boy I met when I was eight, possibly evolving into the bravest person I've ever met. I'm filled with a sudden swell of love for him, and I move to his side, taking his hand. He smiles at me.
I almost kiss him on the cheek, though I remember Claus just in time, masking my movement as checking Lucas's injuries. I still have no idea how Claus of all people feels about homosexuality, but I know it's better to be safe. I decide to stow the whole telling Claus thing away for later, processing my thoughts just as unhealthily as usual.
The gentle sound of the river begins to rise in the distance, gurgling more peacefully than when we last heard it. It fits nicely with this older, more rustic part of the forest. It has that mystical aura all ancient woodlands seem to have, with evergreen boughs and branches reaching out over the footways, birds and insects chirping their morning songs. The trees stand like guardians on either side of us, like timeless, silent sentries, whispering secrets to one another. Surges of undergrowth spill out of every nook and cranny, mixing in with that smell, that mix of earthen aromas, winter flowers, and crisp air. It's surprisingly warm here, too, the thick trunks keeping out the wind, providing shelter from the elements. It's all soporific, in a childhood story-time sort of way.
When we eventually reach the river, I sigh, sitting down, my limbs aching and burnt. Lucas gets out a waterskin, left behind by the First Brigade, and he goes to fill it. Claus sits down beside me.
"You is okay?" he asks, looking worried.
I feel myself nodding. "Mostly. Nearly got exploded, but I'm doing alright."
"Lucas was scared about you," Claus says matter-of-factly, and I internally groan. I should've expected that goof to worry, I was passed out for most of the night.
"We're going to meet the others soon," I say, changing the subject. "Are you excited?"
"The others?" Claus looks momentarily confused. "Oh. Friends?"
"Yeah. Toon Link, Villager, Pit, Red... you'll like them, I'm sure. They're really nice."
"Really nice," Claus says distantly, and I get the impression that a barrage of memories are coming back to him at once. "Inkling said about Toon Link. She said Toon Link was very good. The others, I do not know the others, but... I hope they are not afraid of me."
"They won't be," I promise. "We've seen scarier things, don't worry."
"Hm." Claus gives a small nod, but suddenly, his face falls. His eyes darken. He sits up, beginning to shake.
"Claus?" I say, fear rising.
"Boney."
My heart stops.
"Boney." Claus puts his hands to his head. "Boney is gone. I thought it was a nightmare, but Boney is gone."
He shakes harder. Lucas is too far away, still filling the skin. I put a hand on Claus's shoulder, not sure what else to do.
"I have to save Boney!" Claus exclaims suddenly, standing, and I frantically sit him down.
"Claus, Boney is gone. It happened ages ago. I'm really sorry-"
"But, Boney." Claus looks close to tears, his lip wobbling. "Lucas forgot Boney. He hurt Boney. Lucas - killed - Boney." His voice cracks. It sounds impossible for him to comprehend. I recognise that feeling all too well.
"He did it to save me," I say, remorse blossoming inside. "He had no choice. Geldegarde threatened him."
"But - But why?"
"I don't know." I look down, unable to bear Claus's distraught expression. "He's evil, I guess. He wanted to take me away."
"Can we bring Boney back?" Claus asks, the tiniest glimmer of hope in his voice. "Can we save Boney?"
"No," I murmur. "Sorry."
Claus makes an agitated noise, kicking at the dry leaves that coat the riverbank. I'm not sure if he's going to cry, going to get angry, or even run away. But he seems to be beyond all those things, and instead, he just mumbles, "Sad."
"It wasn't Lucas's fault," I say, guilt looming over me like a tower. "It's Geldegarde's fault."
"I know," Claus says, but he picks at the grass, not really meeting my eyes.
"Lucas has been through a lot since you left," I mumble. "Like, more than he lets on. He's kind of delicate, you know? We all are, I think. He cares a lot about you though, and he's really glad that you're back..." I'm rambling. I bite my lip. "I hope you're glad, too."
"You are good for Lucas," Claus says.
I look up in surprise.
Claus turns to face me, and for the first time, he looks old. "You make Lucas very, very happy. He has done many things, but you have been there, like when Inkling was there in New Pork City. You kept him safe, you made him not hurt..." He averts his eyes again, his voice shrinking. "Thank you."
My heart swells with warmth, and I fight back the urge to throw my arms around Claus's middle. But Lucas returns, hauling the skin, and I keep quiet, content with smiling at them both.
"I don't even know if this is safe to drink," Lucas complains, falling to the floor. "You can get all kinds of diseases from rivers, and so much stuff gets dumped in there..."
"Yeah, but that's all downstream," I say. "C'mon, gimme."
I drink from my hands, feeling like an animal, but that's kind of all we've been reduced to. Hunger rolls in my stomach, and I find myself hoping Toon Link and Villager still have leftover food. Claus does the same, gulping the water down with vigour, and Lucas goes last before refilling the skin and chucking it across the river.
"Toon Link and Villager are on the other side," he says. "Claus can't swim, so we'll have to carry him."
"Okay," Claus says, sounding a lot less raspy after his drink.
Before crossing, we agree to calculate our bearings. Lucas reckons we travelled East with the Brigade before coming back West to the riverside, but neither of us can figure out whether we've moved up or downstream. What we do know is that Onett is South along the river and that Pit and Red should be somewhere in that direction, so Lucas and I carefully lift up Claus, who does nothing to protest, and we wade through the current. Claus is heavy, but it's manageable, and we reach the other side with relative ease, laying Claus down on the bank. I hug Lucas for a job well done, but he pushes me back.
"We'll have time to cuddle later," he says, seeing my pout. "We just need to find the others first."
Surprisingly, that's easier done than said. We walk down the river, Claus happily skipping along, and Toon Link and Villager come into view, both lying against a tree. Toon Link's head is on Villager's shoulder and, bizarrely, they're both painted blue.
"I guess we should wake them up," I say, grinning.
Unfortunately, my devilish plan (involving emptying the waterskin on their heads) is cancelled by Toon Link giving a start, and leaping up with a cry.
"Toon Link!" I exclaim.
"Ness!"
"Lucas!"
"Villager!"
I rush toward them, and then Toon Link's hugging us, and Villager's hugging us, and we're hugging them, because even though it's just been a couple of days, it's so, so good to see them again.
"The others are here too," Toon Link says, beaming. "They're just behind that tree."
Pit and Red appear, and then we're hugging them too, even Red, who hugs back stiffly. I grin, looking around at them all. The gang is back together at last.
"You won't believe what chaos we've been through," I say, at the same time as Toon Link says, "You won't believe what happened to us while you were gone."
"You go first," Villager says, laughing. "How many times did you almost die?"
"Several," I say, counting them off. "I was trapped in a dream by my subconscious, we were kidnapped by the Onett First Brigade, we found Lucas's long-lost brother, we failed to foil the second gunpowder plot, met the real Headmaster Hand, and we're finally dating. How about you?"
"You're finally dating?" Toon Link gives an almost comical whoop. "At last! You two have had the hots for each other for literally over a million years!"
"Not that long," Lucas says, pink-cheeked.
"Long enough," Villager says, clapping me on the shoulder. "You're the perfect match. I hope you're happy?"
"Very," I say, blushing, and Lucas bumps against me. "Now, what happened to you?"
"A lot," Toon Link says, also counting off his fingers. "I nearly fell down a waterfall, we met a cult who wanted to paint the entire world blue, the cult locked us in a cage, we told each other our darkest secrets, Porky's pet robot tried to kill us, and Pit and Red saved our lives."
"Did Porky's pet robot say anything useful?" Lucas asks at once.
"She wanted us to tell you to give up," Toon Link says dismissively. "Something about having no hope of defeating Porky. We ended up exploding her."
"Nice one," I say.
Finally finding courage, Claus steps out from behind the bushes. "Hello!"
There's a stunned silence.
"Uh, hello?" Toon Link says nervously. "Who are you?"
"He's my twin brother," Lucas says, his hand instinctively slipping into mine. "Claus, these are our friends, Toon Link, Red, Pit, and Villager."
"Hello, Lucas's friends," Claus says, looking between them. He appears a little more nervous now.
"Claus was missing for eight years," Lucas explains. "Porky locked him in a tower. That's why he's all, well. You can see."
"I know about you!" Claus says keenly, pointing to Toon Link. "Inkling said all about you."
"Inkling?" Toon Link's expression falls. "How do you know Inkling?" He looks to Lucas for an explanation.
"They were trapped together," Lucas says. "But Claus says she was killed."
There's another beat of silence as everyone takes this in. Red swallows, looking shaky.
"D-Did you say you saw the real Headmaster Hand?" Villager asks, trying to keep the tone light.
"Yeah," I say swiftly. "He was with a load of Tazmily villagers."
"I wonder what he was doing there?"
"Helping them escape, he said." I frown. "I'm not sure why."
Pit nods, thoughtful. "I suppose he got there after he escaped the school. But we should probably stop chatting, we need to get to Onett. Supplies to collect, and all."
"Supplies to collect," I agree. "We should probably come up with a plan. Should we sit down?"
The others nod. Rather liking this temporary position of leadership, I lead everyone over to a grassier section of the bank, and we deposit ourselves on the floor. Lucas huddles up next to me, while Toon Link and Villager sit close by, Red, Pit and Claus opposite them.
"Alright," Villager says efficiently. I have to smile, I've missed him and his sanity. "First, Lucas, is Claus all caught up with everything?"
"Porky is bad," Claus declares. Toon Link gives me a funny look.
"I'll take that as a yes. Good. So," Villager continues. "We're going to Onett and collecting supplies, right? What do we do after that, go straight to New Pork City?"
"We could blend in with the refugees," Pit says. "Women and children are allowed to go to New Pork City to escape the war, and since I'm the only one of us who doesn't look fourteen, I reckon we'd get away with it."
"What about Claus?" Red asks, looking at the redhead with suspicion.
"We'll get him tidied up," Lucas says. "Under all that mud, he'll look normal. He can probably stay with my Father while we're busy saving the world."
"But I want to help," Claus says, his face falling.
"No," Lucas says firmly. "You're not well enough yet. You need some time to heal from what happened, okay?"
"Okay..."
"So, how about we all go home for a day?" Pit suggests. "By the time we reach Onett, it'll probably be nighttime anyway. We can collect what we need, and we can go to New Pork City in the morning."
"Sounds good to me," Toon Link says. I nod, a little alarmed by the formality of it all, but I suppose we need to take this seriously.
"Alright." Villager smiles. "Let's go and save the world."
"That's really what we're doing," Toon Link marvels. "We're actually saving the world."
"Trying to." Pit stands, stretching. "I say that's enough discussion, then. Council adjourned. We should set off soon, but maybe in a bit. Maybe we should rest up a while."
"Yeah," I say, standing. "Besides, Lucas and I need to talk."
Lucas looks worried. "We do?"
"Don't worry," I say. "It's nothing bad, I promise."
Escaping the others, I lead him into the woods, finding a hidden spot amongst the trees. It seems private enough here, private enough for me to take Lucas's hand.
"What's up?" Lucas asks, sounding nervous.
"Uh, not much." I blush. "I kind of just wanted to kiss you again...?"
"Oh." Redness creeps up onto Lucas's cheeks. "Uh, okay, I'd really like that-"
He takes initiative for once, coming near to me, shyly placing his hands on either side of my waist. I raise my eyebrows at the new manoeuvre, and I place my hands over his shoulders, spinning us around. Lucas giggles quite uncharacteristically, and he kisses me on the lips.
I resurface with a massive grin. Lucas pulls me near, guiding my hands around him, and he nestles his head against my shoulder.
"This is going to be crazy. This is going to be so crazy."
"What do you think our odds are?" I ask, going for a winning smile.
"Low," Lucas says, sighing. "But hopefully we'll be lucky."
"Yeah."
I reach a hand to his back, bravely delving under his shirt. His skin feels remarkably soft, and Lucas lets me explore it, letting me touch his rounded shoulder blades. He sighs, contented, and he imitates me, timidly putting a hand down the back of my neck.
It's surprisingly intimate.
Lucas kneads my shoulder. "It feels like ever since we started dating, we've hardly had any time to ourselves."
"Maybe we should tell Claus," I say, but Lucas looks nervous.
"I'm not sure... at some point, yes, but I just don't know what he'll think of it."
"Well," I say, lightly tracing the curve of his spine. "He follows your mother's values, right? Your mother taught you both that love is important, more important than whatever the law says. So, I think he'd understand. Besides, you're like his role model now. According to him, anything you do is good."
"Not since he found out about Boney," Lucas says, looking pained again. "You're not angry about that, right?" he adds in a slightly smaller voice.
"No," I promise. "I spoke to Claus about it, too. He understands. He really looks up to you, Lucas."
"Really?" Lucas looks immensely relieved for a moment, but he stops kneading my back. "I'm one who's supposed to look up to him, Ness."
"Why? You're the same age."
Lucas gives a funny sort of shrug, and I sort of get it, but not really. I pull him closer, kissing him on the forehead.
"He's getting better, too," I say. "He's speaking in clearer sentences. It's amazing what a little love can do."
"You're right." Lucas pauses for a second, his hand resting in place on my shoulder, and then he begins to knead with more vigour. "Love can do so much."
I close my eyes, enjoying the sensation of Lucas massaging my shoulders too much for me to form a proper response. Suddenly, there's a crashing through the trees and a cry of exclamation. Lucas and I jump apart, and Toon Link stares back at us, looking as if he's just stumbled in on his parents having sex.
"Everything okay?" I ask innocently.
"Y-Yeah - uh, sorry, I didn't think you'd be getting it on back here! Uh, Pit sent me to tell you... oh, what did he say?"
"We weren't getting it on!" Lucas protests.
"We were," I say, causing Lucas to blush a delicious shade of crimson. "But what did Pit want?"
"He wants us to set off," Toon Link says, looking between us as if we're about to start boning there and then. "Come on!"
I follow him through the trees, and we reach the others, who are standing in slightly awkward silence. Villager appears to be shirtless, having used his shirt to wrap up a load of nuts and berries, and Red's arms are folded, his eyes fixed on Claus.
"Your idea?" I whisper, pointing to the shirtless Villager.
"Says the one who was feeling up Lucas," Toon Link says, rolling his eyes.
"I was not feeling him up-"
"What are you guys talking about?" Pit asks.
"Uh, nothing," I say quickly. The last I need is for everyone to be getting ideas, I don't want to make Lucas uncomfortable. "Are we ready to head off?"
"Indeed," Red says, taking the lead. "Let's go."
And so, we begin the long, agonising journey.
As we walk along the river, Toon Link tells us about his run-in with the HappyHappy cult, and in turn, I inform the others about the gunpowder plot. I leave out the details of exactly what Geldegarde did to Lucas, but I make it clear that he's evil and he needs to be avoided at all costs. Red nods at that, having apparently read about his bad politics in the newspaper.
"How do we get to Onett?" Pit asks, frowning.
"It's at the end of this river," Toon Link says. "It's the same one that runs through the city centre."
Villager raises an eyebrow. "Since when were you such a good navigator?"
"Since I started being incredibly sexy. In other words, I always have been." Toon Link grins, turning to face us. "Hurry up, guys! Only twenty miles to go!"
"Sorry," Claus murmurs, "Am slow."
Toon Link's face falls. "Ah, I didn't mean — it's okay. Go at your own pace, mate."
I squeeze Lucas's hand. He squeezes back as if he's grateful for me being there.
I appreciate it.
Fifteen minutes or so later, we reach a waterfall. However, this one seems to be a lot smaller than the one we encountered before, and Red assesses it to be climbable, so we scramble down to the grass below. Lucas and I help Claus (who the others seem remarkably undeterred by, considering) and we continue on our way.
"Is Onett good, now?" Claus asks me. I'm surprised. He usually asks Lucas stuff like that.
"Not really," I admit. "But we need to go there for supplies. You can see your dad again."
"Hooray!" Claus looks more excited than he has in ages, but I catch Red shooting him an untrusting look. Exactly as I feared.
I go over to him at once.
"How are you recovering from Porky's chip?" I ask. I know how Red works — he prefers to talk about himself first, and then discuss others' shortcomings later.
"Quite well," Red says. "There was some dizziness at first, and I was quite confused. But that cleared up after a night of sleep, and now I'm doing better. I don't recall much of what happened while I was chipped, but I suspect some new memories have manifested... I seem to remember Toon Link and Villager dressing as women?"
"Yeah, that happened," Villager says, sighing. "It was chaotic."
"Good lord," Red says. "Anyway, Pit and I waited for you to appear, but after a day, you did not. So, we ventured upstream and ran into Toon Link and Villager, who were locked in a cage with Porky's robot. I threw paint at it, and it exploded."
I nod, a little bit impressed. Red continues:
"After that, we ran away from the cult and spent the rest of the evening foraging for nuts and berries. I know all the plants of the forest, you see... now, Lucas's brother, Claus." Red lowers his voice. "Where did you meet him?"
"Erm, well, it turned out he was the Face all along," I say, and I laugh a little at Red's shocked expression. "He'd been trying to talk to us, but we were oblivious, I guess. We only realised it was him when we met him in the forest."
"And is he nice?" Red asks, still sounding suspicious.
"Very," I promise. "He looks a little future Human-y, but that was just Porky's experiments. He's still very much human, but he's a little sensitive about some things, so please be nice."
"Be nice." Red gives a firm nod. "Got it."
I raise an eyebrow. Usually, Red has trouble with new people (case in point, Pit) but perhaps the whole ordeal with the chip has changed him. Either way, he looks a little more assured than before, and maybe a little more purposeful. Perhaps, when it comes to Porky, any other threat pales in comparison.
"Another problem," Pit says. "Aren't we going to run into a load of other Wilderness Survival groups?"
"Probably," Toon Link says. "We can steal their food."
Red glares. "Most certainly not."
"There's also a confluence point up ahead," Pit says.
"Huh?"
"Where two rivers meet. Sorry, I forgot you don't take geography. All that means is that we'll have to cross one of them, which should be fine."
I fold my arms, grumbling. My trousers are still soaked from having to carry Claus across earlier.
"Who do you think we'll come across in our travels?" Toon Link asks.
"Could be anyone," Villager says. "So long as it's not Diddy Kong…"
"Yeah, or Link…"
"Oh, yeah..."
As mindless small talk starts up, I find myself dissolving into my own thoughts.
Geldegarde Monotoli. How does he fit into all this? Part of me wants to declare him as the mastermind behind everything, Porky's henchman, or the key to his success, but I know that's not true because Geldegarde hates Porky.
"Working for Porky?" For the first time, Geldegarde looks disgusted. "I would sooner die than work for that slob. He's rich, but he's greedy, just like everyone else. I'm better than him. I'll be the most powerful man in Onett, just you wait and see..."
So, if they're separate, there's more than one thing happening. Two massively influential men, fighting, wielding more money than they deserve. A pair of bullies trying to take control of the playground, with the rest of us their toys.
Is this a proxy war? Perhaps, but Porky has never shown the slightest recognition of Geldegarde's existence, and he certainly hasn't called him an enemy. If anything, Porky's only enemy is me, for whatever godforsaken reason that is. But Geldegarde certainly seems to know Porky… and I'd say that Porky's certainly got the upper hand on him.
And then, how does Father fit into all this?
Lucas had explained it all in one quick breath. Geldegarde was the fourth most powerful man in Onett. He took out Captain Strong, who was third. My father is second. Porky is first.
Geldegarde wants to be at the top.
But maybe that goal will prove futile? Maybe Porky is already far too ahead of him, with the Future Humans developing faster each day, with his monopolisation of almost every financial sector. Porky has passive income — people are mindlessly entering New Pork City by the minute.
Yet we still need to watch out. Geldegarde's an evil bastard, he's proved that well enough, and we have to get him figured out. We have to understand his plan.
Which means one thing is certain.
I need to speak to my father.
"Hello there," Toon Link says, shaking me out of my reverie. I look around, we've come a fair way along the river already, the ground has become rocky, and there are snowdrops growing around the bank. I pick one, and I thread it through Lucas's hair.
"Uh, hello?" comes an unfamiliar voice, and it takes me a moment to realise we've come across another group.
"Hello," I say, stepping out as well. There are two of them, two boys around our age. The boy that spoke has exclusively striking features, with a moon-like face and star-like freckles, a neat bowl of blonde hair, and thick, dark-rimmed glasses. He looks rather similar to Ollie, I decide, while his friend looks like his polar opposite. The other boy has short, brown hair hidden under an unusual dark hat, and a green uniform that looks oddly formal. His eyebrows are high, giving the bizarre impression of constant surprise.
"What are you doing here?" Bowlcut Boy asks fussily. "I thought we were supposed to stay in our designated places?"
"Yeah, we're busy saving the world," Toon Link says as if it's nothing at all. "We're off to Onett, but uh, didn't you go to Onett Primary with me?"
"Oh, yeah!" Bowlcut Boy brightens up somewhat. "You're Toon Link, aren't you? We were in the same maths class."
"Top set," I mutter, and Lucas elbows me.
"You're Jeff, right?" Toon Link says, shaking the boy's hand. "Who's your friend?"
"Tony."
"You don't mind if we stop here for a bit, do you?" Toon Link asks. "Only, we've been walking a while..."
"Not a problem," Tony replies. "It's getting a bit lonely out here. So little to do, y'know?"
We sit down, all of us feeling rather awkward except for Toon Link, and Villager, who begins handing out wild strawberries.
"Lunch," he explains. "We don't have much else."
We eat. It's meagre.
"So, all this saving the world business," Jeff says, pushing his glasses up his nose. "Whatever do you mean by that?" I notice him, predictably, avoiding looking at Claus.
"Well," Villager says. "Have you heard of Porky Minch?"
"Oh, yes." Jeff shudders. "Father, I mean, Dr Andonuts had him round once to discuss some kind of — oh, I don't know what it was. But, oh dear… no, he was no good at all. Nasty old man."
"This might sound far-fetched," Toon Link says, crossing his legs. "But Porky, he's taking people and he's… changing them."
"Changing them?" Tony looks worried. "How do you mean?"
"Into monsters. Hybrids. With metal, wood, and electronics." Toon Link shakes his head. "I don't know how it all works, but they're called Future Humans, and Porky wants to use them to take over the world."
"Wh-What?" Suddenly, Jeff looks horror-stricken, and he freezes, agape. "But that's impossible — my Father, I mean, Dr Andonuts, he said it wasn't possible!"
"Do you know something about this?" Pit asks quietly.
"I don't — oh, I really don't — it's all confidential business — I really don't know!" Jeff looks rather flustered all of a sudden, looking in turn at our inquisitive faces. "Porky made Dr Andonuts help him — but I'd thought it was impossible… I thought they hadn't succeeded, but…"
We glance around at one another. So much for Porky being a 'genius inventor' — he outsourced the Future Humans!
"What's your father a doctor of, exactly?" Villager asks, and Jeff wilts.
"Science," he says. "Inventions. He never wanted to use his knowledge for bad, he is a good man... but he is mad. He has gone quite mad."
"I think we need to pay him a visit," Lucas says quietly.
"You could come with us on our journey," Toon Link suggests.
But Jeff shakes his head. "I don't think that's such a good idea. I'm not very strong, really near-sighted, kind of shy, and I tend to be a little reckless. Besides, I'm staying with Tony. We're best friends, see."
"Best friends," Tony repeats, though I catch the yearning in his voice.
I know that feeling all too well.
"How about you?" Red says, pointing at Tony quite intimidatingly. "What experience do you have with Porky?"
"Ah, there's a story," Tony says, looking weary at once. "He tried to buy our family farm, and we refused. When we woke up the next day, half the chickens were dead and Tommy the Turkey was missing. We know it was him, but we've never been able to prove it."
"That's awful," Villager says sympathetically. "Sorry that happened."
"Yeah," Toon Link agrees. "Poor Tommy the Turkey." Villager elbows him.
"It's alright," Tony says. "Even if we could prove it was him, he'd still get away with it. The problem with the rich is they can do whatever they want. So long as they have money, people listen. Money tricks people into thinking they're wise."
"Yeah," Toon Link agrees. "It's always about the money. It's capitalist inequality at its finest."
"And Pirkle is practically his puppet. Porky can do anything he wants. Overcoming someone like that is incredibly difficult."
Red nods, shuffling forward. "It's down to the complex interplay between society and politics. With political power comes social power, and when, like with him, the rich have footholds in so many areas of society, there is nothing to be done."
"Exactly," Tony says. "It's like… I don't know, like shaving your head with tweezers. Having to pluck each hair one by one to get rid of the lot. Or trying to clean a stain. There's always some left. That's a terrible metaphor, but you know what I mean."
"Indeed. And as a result, making change is impossible," Red says. "Especially thanks to Onett's voting system. It's essentially an autocracy."
"Yeah, exactly! When only the aristocrats in their big city homes can vote, it's no surprise that the aristocrats win."
"And that can't ever be fixed, because the rich men in power only want the other rich men to vote. That means nothing changes, because nothing ever can, which enables people like Porky. It's a disgrace!"
Red and Tony look at each other with mutual newfound appreciation.
"Have you heard about the new legislation? The one about socioeconomic functions in the..."
What feels like hours of political discussion later, we finally make our excuses and go on our way, Tony and Jeff seeming quite sad to see us go in the end. I, for one, won't miss them too much, but at least they're not evil. That's something.
The river soon begins to widen out, and after a few minutes, we reach Pit's promised confluence point. As predicted, we're stuck between the two joining rivers, both of them looking ominously deep. Lucas and I team up to carry Claus across again, but the water rises up to my shirt this time, and by the time I'm on the other bank, I'm shivering in earnest. Toon Link, Pit and Villager are much the same, though Red looks mostly unaffected.
This place could be stunning in spring's prime, I decide, as we continue onwards. Daffodils would line the forest border, jutting out like beacons among lush, green grass. The trees would be bright, awash with pink and red blossoms that scatter in the breeze. I decide I'd quite like to come back here with Lucas, perhaps in better circumstances than these.
"Do you think Porky's set any traps?" Lucas asks, breaking the silence.
"What, like big nets? Banana peels?" Toon Link laughs. "I doubt it."
"The HappyHappy cult was meant for you," Villager says. "We should look out for any hazards."
A sudden shriek of laughter erupts from ahead of us, and I almost fall over with alarm. It's matched by an equally loud cackle and a whoop that could shatter glass.
"Like that?" Pit says warily.
"Witches!?" Claus exclaims.
But on closer inspection, it turns out to be Bayonetta and Samus, who are rolling around on the ground, clutching their sides in swathes of laughter. Nearby, a fire roars, smoke billowing into the cloudy air. We watch the scene for a second, very perplexed.
"Ah- Ahahaha! Ness!" Bayonetta exclaims, drunkenly waving. "How you doing? What you doing? You've brought friends! Have you come to buy my services!?"
Lucas swiftly covers Claus's ears, and Villager's eyes widen. "Uh, no. We're just passing."
"Oh yeah, I forgot, you're all gay!" Bayonetta exclaims, falling into another fit of cackles.
"Oh, they are?" Samus beams. "Thank goodness. Finally, some guys that won't come onto me."
"We're not all gay," Pit sulks.
But Bayonetta ignores him, pulling up a number of tree-stump seats. "C'mon, sit down! You're all soaked, come and dry off. We could do with some company, there are only so many positions to keep us entertained..."
"Alright," Villager says hurriedly before Bayonetta can elaborate on those positions. Lucas helps Claus to sit down next to him, and Red sits as far away from Bayonetta as possible. As seems to be becoming tradition, Villager hands everyone a wild strawberry.
"So, spill the beans. Where are you headed?" Bayonetta asks, joyfully popping her strawberry into her mouth.
"Onett," I say.
"Ah, but not to sightsee, I presume?" Bayonetta taps her nose, seeming to sober up at once. "You're up to something. You lot always are... it's something to do with that monster at the party, isn't it? That was no magic trick, I'm certain of it."
Samus rolls her eyes. "Sorry, she's been going on and on about this theory-"
"Are you going to investigate?" Bayonetta asks loudly. "Could you run a few errands for me on the way?"
"Absolutely not," Red says, deeply offended.
"Ah, shame. I'd go myself, but Samus and I have so much to do here." Bayonetta spreads her coat, revealing several vials of a suspicious golden-brown liquid. "Anyone need a fix?"
Toon Link pales. "Uh, not right now."
"Oh, damn. I bought way too much of the stuff! It expires in two days." She looks at all the vials, frowning. "I mean, I suppose I could pop them all at once, but it just wouldn't be the same..."
There's an awkward silence.
"You know, we should keep walking," Villager decides, standing. "Thanks for having us."
"Aw, but you've only been here two minutes..."
"Really? It felt like a lot longer. Come on guys, we need to get to Onett before sunset."
We stand, hastily continuing.
The sun has moved a decent way across the sky. I hope we get to Onett before it's dark, because the Onett streets at night are awful, crammed with drunks and drug addicts, and there's at least a one in two chance of being attacked there. I wonder vaguely if Geldegarde is back in Onett yet, or Porky, or Headmaster Hand for that matter.
"Right," Toon Link says. once we're a reasonable distance from Bayonetta's chaos. "I'm bored." He puts his hands together. "What should we do?"
"Are you capable of speaking without clapping your hands about?" Red asks.
"I'm happy and know it," Toon Link replies. "Now, for real, this walking is killing me. Any suggestions?"
"Another strawberry?" Villager offers.
"Absolutely not."
"Then, I've got nothing."
Toon Link sulks, and we fall back into a disappointing silence. For the next couple of hours, we set a decent pace, passing a few groups we don't recognise and don't bother talking to. Soon, the peachy stripes of sunset are beginning to grow on the horizon, and Claus is starting to show signs of fatigue. We slow down for him, Lucas looking nervously at the sky every couple of minutes. He shares my worries about Onett, I'm sure of it. I take his hand, and he eases up a little.
As we walk, our group silent but determined, I dream of happier times. I dream of a day when Lucas and I can buy a home together, a day when we'd be allowed to get married. I dream of being able to spend all our time together, living our lives to the absolute fullest. I dream of a quaint village, an old-fashioned countryside cottage, a glistening lake. There'd be butterflies and bumblebees. We could go down to the bakery and feed the ducks. Villager and Toon Link would live next door.
It'd be perfect.
I don't have the heart to remind myself it's impossible. The sunset is too beautiful, and we pause for a moment, staring up at it. We smell like smoke from Bayonetta's bonfire, but it's not the smell of old, foul cigarettes, it's the sleepy scent of oak, warmth, and hugs.
With small nods of recognition, we continue on our way.
Thirty minutes later, the sunset has faded to little more than a distant glow. The sky is dark, the stars beginning to twinkle, and there's a pang of hunger in my stomach. Yesterday, it was okay, because we weren't using much energy, but now we've been walking for several hours. I find myself longing for steak, toast, porridge, nectarines — a new craving every minute.
We keep passing other groups. We sometimes stop to say hello, but that's all we do. Time feels like it's playing against us, the light dimming exponentially.
It doesn't feel like we're making progress.
"You know," Toon Link says, sidling up to me. "I still can't believe that you and Lucas are official. It's kind of amazing. Brave, even."
I blush.
"More importantly, I have to know, who asked who?" He grins. "I bet it was him. You were beating around the bush for ages. And have you kissed yet?"
"I asked him in the end," I say, putting a hand to my cheek, feeling rather flustered all of a sudden. "And, yeah. We kissed. It was kind of messy the first time, but we're getting the hang of it. Erm, how about you and Villager?"
It's Toon Link's turn to be embarrassed. "Uh, same as before, honestly. Nothing to report."
"I know something happened," I say, keenly bumping against him. It's true, they've been smiling at each other, and Villager's seemed a little more protective. "I see how you've been looking at him."
"He's hot, of course I'm looking at him," Toon Link says, folding his arms. "In fact, you must be blind. How the hell do you have eyes for Lucas when supermodel Villager is in our midst?"
"Lucas is good-looking."
"Pff, really?" Toon Link says, scoffing so loudly that Red looks over with raised eyebrows. "Have you seen Villager's biceps? And his chest? That boy is built. I bet Lucas doesn't have abs."
"Well... Lucas is good-looking in a cute way," I protest, beginning to feel a little defensive.
"Maybe if you're into the whole pre-pubescent thing," Toon Link says, raising his eyebrows. "Something to admit, Ness?"
"Hey, he's just vertically challenged!"
"I bet he hasn't got a single hair on his chest."
"And?" I say, allowing myself a quick smirk. Lucas has exactly one chest hair, which he christened Bill. I know this because once, I caught him talking to it in the mirror. "Maybe it's not all about the looks, anyway. Is Villager an expert pianist?"
"No," Toon Link says. "He's a fantastic singer, though. Is Lucas?"
"I wouldn't put it past him. Can Villager paint stunning landscapes?"
"No, but can Lucas build a cabinet in ten minutes flat?"
"Maybe not," I say, puffing out my chest, "But is Villager's hair the softest thing in the world? Does Villager have a particular smile he reserves for you and you alone? Does Villager radiate pure - pure warmth? I don't think so, so Lucas is better, and that's a fact!"
Lucas and Villager burst into laughter behind us, and I turn around, going crimson. But Lucas smiles at me, so I count it as a win.
"Thanks for the ego boost," Villager says, laughing. "I promise, we're not that special. Maybe you're getting too attached."
"Yeah, Ness is the clingiest person in the world," Lucas says. I swoop over, lifting him in my arms and kissing him on the nose.
"You love me for it."
Lucas giggles, but I notice Claus looking over at us, a curious expression on his face.
"It's a best friend thing," I lie, hurriedly putting Lucas down.
"Oh," Claus says. "Okay!"
Thank goodness.
"You know," Toon Link mumbles a little while later. "Claus, he's a bit childish, don't you think?"
"Porky tortured him for eight years," I say. "He never really had a chance to mature."
"Oh, God."
"Yeah."
Toon Link doesn't say anything more.
Unfortunately, as our journey marches on, everything seems to get gradually worse. The grass has less colour. There are more dead trees. It's a good sign that we're nearing Onett, but it's still rather miserable.
We pass the first of many noisy, brick-built factories, and I spot a giant waste pipe spewing out some kind of black liquid. I wrinkle my nose at the smell — it must be a tannery, or something equally disgusting. A thick, dark plume of smoke rises from the chimney. The whole sight is dismal.
A few metres later, a layer of yellow scum consumes the river, and we're plugging our nostrils with revulsion. The water has gone from crystal clear to fecal brown in a matter of seconds. Around us, most of the greenery has disappeared. I think I can make out a dead fish.
"Gross," Lucas mumbles. "Why do people do this?"
"I don't know," Red says, for once on the same page as us. "The beautiful river — ruined!"
"Even worse, poorer people have to drink from it," Villager says darkly. "No wonder disease rates are so high in Onett. And how many other factories are there? Think of all the chemicals."
Lucas gulps, and so do I. We take water for granted. Every time I think about people worse off than me, a heavy inadequacy hangs inside my chest. It's one of many of the world's injustices.
"In Tazmily, there was a well," Lucas says. "We'd pull up buckets of clean water, and there'd be enough to go around."
"Onett should do the same," I say, but Pit shakes his head.
"It wouldn't work. There aren't any aquifers here."
"Ah, great," Toon Link says, suddenly stopping. "Look."
We look, and my stomach sinks.
Ahead of us is Diddy Kong, joined by one of his rather brutish-looking friends. I faintly recognise him as Bowser Junior, one of those people who beats up kids for fun and creates chaos wherever he stands. There are rumours that he's Bowser's son, but I'm not sure where they came from. After all, Bowser's far too ugly to procreate.
"They've not seen us," Pit whispers. "We need to creep around them. We'll have to hide Villager, and probably Claus."
"Hey, fags!" Bowser Junior exclaims. "Over there!"
"Or not," Toon Link mutters. "Hey! Watch who you're calling a fag!"
"Sorry!" Bowser Junior shouts, his voice becoming bizarrely agonised. "I didn't mean it! We need help — quick, can you help!?"
My eyebrows shoot to the moon. Help? Us?
"What's wrong?" Pit calls.
"It's Diddy Kong, he's not well!"
We hurry over. Diddy Kong's lying on the ground, looking to be in an awful way. His skin is deathly pale, and he's shivering as if he's about to throw up. Red lays a swift hand on his forehead, and Diddy Kong lets out a moan.
"Where does it hurt?" Red asks sharply.
"O-Ow…"
"Where?!"
Diddy Kong points to his stomach.
Red prods it. "Did you drink any river water?"
Diddy Kong weakly nods his head.
"Curses," Red says, looking around at us. "I made you all learn first aid for a reason. Never drink polluted water! He needs acetylsalicylic acid."
"Where are we going to get that?" I ask, worried.
Red promptly draws a green box from his pocket. He opens it, taking a smaller box from within. In the box is a red bag, and in the red bag, there's an even smaller box, from which Red takes out a miniature bottle. "From here," Red says. "Diddy Kong, open your mouth."
Diddy Kong does as he's told, and Red empties the bottle into the red maw.
Diddy Kong swallows. Then, as if in a horror novel, he sits up, a malicious smile taking form on his face.
"Well, I never," Red says. "It's never acted that fast!"
"Ha!" Diddy Kong exclaims, jumping to his feet. "Did you say acting? Hahaha! You fags fell for it, and now we're gonna beat you up. Come on out, boys!"
"Boys!?" Toon Link exclaims, and out of the forest emerge what can only be described as cavemen. There are several of them, bulging with muscles, brutelike and carrying giant, spiky clubs. They're all large, with tufts of brown hair, and they look very angry.
"The Cave Boys!" Diddy Kong says, cackling. "We found them in a cave, and they said they were looking for Ness!"
"What!?" I yelp, and they all turn to face me.
Bowser Junior rubs his hands with glee "Cave Boys, go get him!"
Throughout this adventure, I've faced the richest man in the world. I've faced armies of cyborgs with enormous swords. I've even faced my dark side in a neverending dream. But ten shirtless guys with enormous clubs, charging at me and yelling at the top of their lungs?
I let out a girly scream, and I run in the opposite direction.
"Battle formation!" Lucas shouts.
"Since when did we have a battle formation?"
"Since — ah, just, everyone get behind me! We'll PK them all! Ness, stop running away!" Lucas grabs my hand, yanking me into the line of fire — fire! That's right, I can defend myself!
"PK FIRE!" I exclaim, and the cave boy in front of me is blasted. He falls to the ground.
"The fag!" Diddy Kong cries. "He's a witch!"
"PK Freeze!" Lucas exclaims, freezing him inside a block of ice. "That's what you get for calling Ness a fag!"
"Lucas!" I exclaim. "That was so badass!"
"I know!"
I blast another Cave Boy with fire, rushing away from the others. The Cave Boys follow me, running alarmingly fast. I freeze one, shooting another PK Fire over my shoulder, but this time, the Cave Boy blocks with his club. He runs forward, and I brace for impact-
"PK Ground!" Lucas yells. My mouth widens as the earth itself begins to shake, sending the Cave Boys off course. One topples into its club, crying out. I just about stay standing.
"Since when could you do that?"
"I've been experimenting a bit — PK Shield!"
A giant, holographic shield appears in front of us, and the Cave Boys run into it with a bang.
"This wasn't in the textbook!"
"Yeah, well, there have only ever been four psychics, and two of them were us!"
The shield disappears and the remaining Cave Boys surge forward. I sidestep one, but I enter the path of another, his club raised above his head. I cry out, but Lucas pulls me to safety, and I roll over, feeling my neck coating with sweat.
"PK Fire!" Another fireball erupts from Lucas's hands, but it misses, going skywards.
"Guys, you'll burn down the forest!" Toon Link cries.
"PK Fire!" I yell, blasting a meaty arm. Lucas high-fives me, and I go again. "PK Fire!"
The others begin throwing rocks, and for a moment, it seems like we're winning. But the Cave Boys raise their clubs, sending the rocks back at us with alarming accuracy, and I flail, a rock brushing over my head. They splash in the river behind us, and I step forward, shaking.
"Five left, come on!" Lucas exclaims, but I suddenly feel so dizzy, spinning on my feet. The Cave Boys growl, but I can't even make out their faces. Too much power. I'm weak. Lucas gasps beside me, and I know he's feeling the same.
"PK Fire!" Lucas gasps, but the fireball fizzles out just a metre away. I back toward the river, hearing it gurgle behind me. The others bolt, but the Cave Boys block my exit, raising their clubs.
"PK Freeze!" I manage, but the ice vanishes within seconds. "PK Ground!" Nothing happens. Lucas grabs my hand. The Cave Boys advance. My mouth feels dry. The river churns.
We're going to have to jump.
"On three," Lucas whispers, and I silently nod. I half expect to dissolve in the sludge. Nausea rises. "Three." I steel myself. "Two." The Cave Boys charge. "O-"
"PK LOVE!"
Suddenly, a bright light fills the forest. But it doesn't come from Lucas.
It comes from Claus.
He looks as surprised as we do. Ribbons of light erupt from his hands, twisting and bending into golden squares. They fold into hexagons, moving as if they're alive, radiating with warmth, and The Cave Boys back away in fear. The magic cuts them off, weaving around them like a cage, surrounding them with illumination. Light rises, shining until it can't anymore, and at once, the hexagons tear apart. There's an almighty roar, and the Cave Boys fall to the floor.
Darkness falls.
Claus breathes heavily, looking at his hands. He looks back up at us, blinking as if he's not sure where he is.
"Claus - wh-what?" Lucas says, trembling.
"They wanted to hurt you," Claus says, barely whispering. "I stopped them."
"But that - that was so powerful... how?"
"In twins, it seems to be different," I murmur.
Lucas stares.
"Sorry, it's something Headmaster Hand said. Magic isn't hereditary, but in twins, it seems to be different."
"I no understand," Claus says, looking back up at us with lost eyes. "I did not say it, but the words... happened. I did magic."
"Well, your magic saved our lives," Lucas says seriously. "Or at least, our clothes." He looks towards the filthy river.
"Yeah, that was impressive," Toon Link says, clapping Claus on the shoulder. "You're a cool guy."
It's the closest that Claus has ever come to blushing. He mumbles something incomprehensible, covering his face.
"Porky must've planted those guys," Villager says. "Diddy Kong didn't even know what they were. He probably wanted to use them as bodyguards, just in case Pit hit him in the face again." He nods toward Pit, who quirks an eyebrow.
"He had it coming, and I'd happily do it again."
"They'll thaw out," Lucas says, casting his eyes over to the frozen Diddy Kong and Bowser Junior. "We've tested."
"Good to know," Toon Link says.
We're all too keen to move on from the scene, and I take Lucas's hand, wondering if luck is finally on our side. Night falls as we walk, the factory lights becoming more frequent, the distant, steady smell of smoke intensifying. It's not long before we reach a corner, finding ourselves on the brow of a hill, the sprawling Onett cityscape below us.
It sticks out of the countryside like a sore thumb. Shadowy buildings rise like blisters, coated with darkness and grime. Filthy streets run labyrinthine among tiny houses, lit only by grim, yellow streetlamps. The river widens, stretching into a murky estuary.
It's like a black cloud, a vampire, sucking all the happiness from the air.
But it's my home, and for that, I guess I have to give it credit.
.
.
.
.
.
~ReadyForTeddy