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New York was everything she'd feared it would be: crowded, noisy and bleak. There was hardly anything natural and green and even less beauty. People spoke loudly and impatiently in a language that she didn't understand. Even worse, some people would treat her like an idiot – speaking more slowly and loudly – just because she did not speak their language.
They'd been in New York for two days now and those two days felt like two of the longest of Maria's young life. She was all but estranged from her husband and yet completely dependent on him for everything. Not just for money and food but also for simple explanations as to what was happening and for help communicating with other people.
Maria had always been a partner to Georg, at least since their engagement and marriage. While they had been clear that he was the head of the household, she had been beside him at every step of the way, especially during their escape from Austria. Now she wondered what her role was. Barely a wife anymore and no longer a helper it was difficult for Maria not to sink into herself completely, especially in this dirty and chaotic city.
She tried to pray and ask God for help and guidance. Surely it must be time for another window to open by now? But when she prayed she felt the weight of the unconfessed sin pressing down on her. She'd been taught that sin could only be cleared when confessed – and truly repented – in the presence of one of God's agents here on earth. Yet even if she wanted to betray Georg right now and secretly go to confession she'd be lost. How would she even find a Catholic church here on her own, let alone a priest who could speak German?
The best Maria could do for now was to truly repent within her own heart. But the more she thought about it the less certain she was of what she needed to repent, unless it was keeping his secret. No, she needed to talk to a priest who would know and understand. In the meantime she would have to find some penance to do to alleviate this pain and guilt. But what penance? She had said so many Our Father's and Hail Mary's, what else was there to do? If lives had been taken, and she'd been in any way party to that, then she decided that she would have to find a way to save some lives, or at least bless those already in existence. And maybe she could work with the children to do the same.
Oh, God bless those sweet children. In the past two days, whenever Maria felt truly in danger of collapsing in on herself she focused on her seven children and her heart lifted. She reminded herself of her resolve on the ship. She may not know how to speak English or live in a big city, she may not even know how to be a wife to Georg at the moment, but she did know how to be a mother. Still. And she could continue to be the best mother she could possibly be.
That left no room for indulging in sadness or grief, no matter how tempting it was. She needed to help her children settle into their new lives and so she could not afford to spend too much of her time and energy missing her old life.
Some of the children seemed to be handling it better than others. At least the older ones seemed to be. Their English was so good and they had an understanding of what was happening and why they'd been thrust into this new life. The younger children were spending a good deal of time whining and bursting into tears in a way pulled her heart to pieces.
Maria curled more protectively around Gretl's sweet little body and sighed. The family had been able to rent three rooms in a boarding house and were again in the same configuration as they had been in on the ship. "We do have enough money to buy a small house here," Georg had reassured her. "This is just temporary until we find the right place." In her darker moments Maria wondered if it would have been possible to find a fourth room and if Georg had just chosen not to do so, happy as he was with his new distance from her.
Then she heard a unhappy sniff from Gretl and all such suspicions were forgotten. "Darling, what is it?" Maria asked quietly, smoothing back Gretl's hair while she spoke.
"I don't like America. I want to go home," Gretl sobbed softly.
"Me too!" came the very said wail from Marta as she turned to look at Gretl and Maria
With that the two young girls both began to cry as Maria hugged them, one in each arm, trying desperately to both soothe them and quiet them down.
Maria was acutely aware that they no longer lived in their own house, but only a small handful of rooms in a building shared by others. They could no longer make as much noise – or music – as they wanted and needed without disturbing other families who were trying to sleep just a few feet away.
"Shhhhhhh," she murmured to the girls but to no avail. They continued to cry on her shoulders.
Then the door opened and, to Maria's great relief, Liesl quietly padded in and scooped up Gretl allowing Maria to fully embrace Marta.
This increased comfort did seem to settle the two girls a little more when Louisa and Brigitta came in as well. There was now so little room on the bed that they sat on the floor next to the bed, both reaching up to pat their sisters' backs.
Maria, still holding Marta, looked around gratefully and smiled at all of her daughters. They may have lost home and country, but there was truly no comfort like family. But before she could say anything the door opened once more revealing Friedrich and Kurt.
Friedrich took Gretl from Liesl (who relinquished the small girl gratefully) and Kurt gently but playfully tugged Marta's braid. "We heard such a racket and knew you must be crying because you missed us so," he announced.
Liesl rolled her eyes but settled herself on the floor, resting her head against Maria's knee. Marta climbed off of Maria's lap but continued to lean against her on the bed.
"We miss home," Gretl clarified, raising her chin slightly as she did. "It's not very nice here. We want to go back."
"You know what I was just thinking about," Maria asked. "I was just thinking about the beautiful red flower we saw today."
"The one growing in the box outside the window?" Brigitta asked.
"Yes!" Maria confirmed enthusiastically. I don't think I've ever seen a flower quite so red. And the petals were so delicate even while the color was so rich. It was lovely."
Liesl looked up at Maria for just a moment before she joined in. "And do you remember when the sun broke through the clouds this afternoon? It made the whole street look warm and golden."
Maria smiled at Liesl gratefully before asking everyone in the room "What else did you see today that was beautiful?"
"I thought that breakfast was beautiful," Kurt piped up as all of his siblings either laughed or groaned. "Well, it was!" he defended himself with a laugh. "I like eggs and bacon. I think they look beautiful together."
"Mother," Marta asked quietly, "is this like Our Favorite Things?"
"Yes, Marta," Maria agreed. I think we can consider it our New favorite things. America has so many treasures in store for us, but they are new and different so we may not notice them unless we learn how to look."
She paused and looked around, making sure that all of the children paying attention. "And so I have a very important job for to do. And you must do it every day, it is terribly important that you do it every single day."
Maria could see a small smile on Louisa's face and then locked eyes with Friedrich who gave her a nod. 'This could actually work,' she thought to herself, and held her breath for a brief moment before continuing.
"Every day, I want every single one of you to look for things that are beautiful here. And not just things, but people and places – even food," she added with a smile at Kurt, who beamed back. You must watch very closely and be careful to not let anything beautiful escape your notice. And then every night we will all meet back here to tell each other everything we saw." She looked around and saw that all of the children, even the youngest girls, were smiling.
"Oh children, this is so terribly important," she added, "for God does create anything – or any place – that does not have it's own unique beauty. It's up to us to learn to see it. I think we'd better start right now, telling each other what we've seen so far."
Maria leaned back against the wall, hugging Marta into one side and Gretl into the other. She reached out one hand to brush back a piece of Brigitta's hair that had fallen in her face and listened to the children start to discuss the previously hidden beauty of New York. Leaning back against the wall, Maria let their happy and increasingly enthusiastic words wash over her and felt her own spirits start to rise.
Two doors away, Georg was lying on his bed looking at the ceiling. He was fully aware that a gathering was happening. He'd heard the crying, followed by doors closing. He'd also been aware that Kurt and Friedrich – evidently thinking he was asleep – had left as well. Now he could hear muffled voices and could tell that Maria had worked her usual magic and calmed the children. Not that he ever doubted her. At least, he never doubted her skill with and devotion to the children. Despite everything he didn't even doubt her love for himself, which was part of what made this whole thing so maddening.
He slowly exhaled but did not consider joining his family. He was not sure if it was the unspoken estrangement from his wife that kept him in this small room and away from his family, or whether it was the weight of the many issues he had to resolve and untangle.
His mind was racing as he thought through everything he had to accomplish and how he would be able to do it all. He urgently needed to find his family a house. They could not continue to live in this handful of rented rooms for much longer. He also needed to find some sort of income. He still had some money, perhaps enough for a modest life here in America, but he knew it would not be enough indefinitely. He needed to find some work. But what? And how? These were hard times, particularly in America. They'd already seen people lining the streets for free food and men clamoring for a handful of jobs.
Georg got out of his bed, walked across the small room and opened the lone window. The room was hot and musty and smelled like boys. It was an unpleasant reminder of some of the more negative aspects of his days in the academy and at sea. The air from outside was cold but did not do enough to refresh the room.
He folded his arms over his chest and took a deep breath, trying to remember Maria's sweet smell. He'd gotten so spoiled sharing a room with her and her lovely, gentle and clean habits.
Of everything that was on his mind this night Maria weighed most heavily. He knew that he would ultimately find work and an income – he was capable of doing so much. It was just a matter of getting connected with the right people. He knew that the children would even be all right, despite all of the turmoil of the last few months, as long as Maria was all right. Maria was what held this family together. Her spirit, her optimism and her determination would keep them going. But if she went under then the whole family would go under.
As frustrated as Georg was with her stubborn disregard for his predicament and the way she had frozen him out he also felt overwhelming compassion for Maria's situation. She was a strong and extraordinary woman, yes. But she was also still a young and fairly naïve girl fresh from the Austrian countryside suddenly thrown into a world of politics and impending war. She had known very little but the country and the mountains and now she was in a large and strange city with nothing natural or familiar. And he was acutely aware that Maria was the only member of their family who did not speak English.
In order to keep her – and their family – happy and functional, Georg knew that he would have to locate the German speaking community in New York and make their home there. Hopefully he would even find an Austrian community and people that his wife could speak with and relate to. He knew that there were many Austrians who had moved here in hopes of a better future. He even knew a few of them personally. It shouldn't be too hard to find them, but would their loyalties be to the Austria that he knew and loved or to this new and monstrous German regime? Who would they be able to trust?
The next day he would have to start looking for his Austrian contacts, but he would need to do so alone. Perhaps he could have Maria take the children to that rather large park he'd heard of. There were bound to be trees and grass at the very least which would provide some comfort and familiarity to Maria and the children while he planned their next steps.
Friedrich and Kurt crept back into the bedroom that they shared with their father, feeling lighter than they had in weeks. They were both certain that they had made a clean escape out of their room without disturbing their father and were shocked to see him completely awake and standing in front of the small window, arms folded across his chest. Their father turned to look at them, commanding even in his pajamas. He raised one eyebrow but did not say a word.
Friedrich and Kurt both reflexively straightened up, feeling rather abashed. Friedrich in particular was more than a little embarrassed. He'd been trying so hard to show his father how grown up he was and now he'd been caught scampering about like a child. What had he been thinking? He could feel his face grow warm and prayed that the room was too dark for his father to notice.
"Everything all right with the girls?" Georg inquired mildly and Friedrich could feel himself relax slightly with relief.
"Oh, yes," Kurt exclaimed, apparently also relieved. "They just needed some company."
"The little ones were feeling homesick -," Friedrich started to explain.
"But we set them right!" Kurt interjected. "After all, what is there to feel sad about when you've got brothers like us?"
Georg's lips twitched in spite of himself. "Indeed," he agreed, as solemnly as he could. "I'm glad you were there to remind them of that and 'set them right.' But let's go to bed now." He crossed over to them in two steps, ruffled Kurt's hair and then clapped Friedrich's shoulder.
Kurt yawned in agreement and settled into the bed he shared with Friedrich. Friedrich started to get into bed as well but felt like there was something else he should say. He looked up at his father and felt a twist of unhappiness - and something else he didn't recognize - in his belly.
"Well, it was really Mother," he said quietly. "Who 'set them right.'"
"Mother always sets things right," Kurt agreed sleepily.
"Yes, she does," Georg agreed. "She always has." He stared into the dark room, listening to his younger son start to snore softly and wondered how to set things right with her.