(Headmaster Hand)
On the third night, the house fills with arguing.
"We've got no food! You and your stupid handbag!"
"I needed a handbag, so I got one!"
"But now we're going to starve!"
Despite this convincing point, it takes a whole day for Elmore to surrender the handbag. We eventually agree that I'll take it back to the market, get a refund, and buy us some food. So, I step outside, glad to be away from the stifling noise of the house.
Being alone immediately feels better. Living with so many people is frustrating. I'm an isolationist at heart, and working on my plans while everyone yells in the background is driving me insane. It doesn't help that Duster and Roy, my only friends, sleep most of the time. Truth be told, even they've been starting to get on my nerves.
But I steel myself. This is what Porky would want, for me to let my silly little qualms get in the way of my mission.
I stride through the streets of Onett, looking for the handbag showroom, though I'm swiftly distracted. Some kind of kerfuffle is happening in the town square, and I immediately recognise the policeman duo who visited yesterday. They're joined by others, bearing shields and heavy weaponry. Silently cursing, I duck behind a stand.
"A likely story," the chief constable is saying, raising his truncheon. "Now, surrender yourselves in the name of Onett City."
"I don't think so," comes a high-pitched voice. Of course, the wanted poster. It's Ness and Lucas.
The policemen surge forward. The boys cry out, dashing into view. Thinking quick, I pull out a scrap of paper, Ness and Lucas blocking truncheon hits with their loaves of bread. I scribble as best I can, but the horses circle, trapping the psychics and their friends in the middle. Just when they're about to be beaten, I give a shout, running forward with my piece of paper.
"Stop! In the name of Porky Minch, cease this action!"
"Well, well, well," the chief constable says. "What have we here?"
"An official pardon!" I say, thrusting my note under the chief constable's nose. "These boys aren't to be harmed. Master Porky wants them for himself."
He laughs. "Is that so?"
"Yes," I lie. "And you know what Master Porky does to those who disobey him."
The threat is effective. The chief constable narrows his eyes, snatching the forgery from my hand. The note is passed around the policemen, and each one takes a moment to read it, one man even bringing out a monocle. Eventually, the note is handed back to me, and the chief constable turns on his horse. There's a sour verdict on his tongue.
"It is so," he says distastefully. "By the tenth clause of the Criminal Law of Onett, you are all free to go."
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~~o00o~~
Chapter 47: Beginning to Fade
(Ness)
~~o00o~~
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I'll be honest, I never thought I'd get in a fight with the police, armed only with baked goods and fruit. Even more so, I never thought that was a fight I could win.
Well, perhaps 'win' is generous. Really, Headmaster Hand came to our rescue, declaring that Porky had granted us a pardon. Which is the kind of luck we've been missing out on lately.
"Thanks," Lucas stutters, once the mass of policemen has gone. "We owe you. You saved our lives."
"You owe me nothing," Headmaster Hand says easily. "We have a common goal, after all."
"Are you back in Onett, then?" I ask. "Did everyone survive the gunpowder?"
"Yes, we're holed up in some abandoned townhouse, making plans. But are you okay? It looked like you got exploded."
"We did," I admit. "But we're mostly fine. Apart from Porky being the new headmaster."
"He's the new headmaster?" Headmaster Hand suddenly looks worried. "Didn't people find out that Crazy Hand was impersonating me? Shouldn't I still have the role?"
"They only have Rosalina's word for it," Villager says, stepping into the conversation. "We're going back to school once Wilderness Survival Week is over, and we're going to try and put a stop to him there."
"Good luck," Headmaster Hand says. "I could send Ollie and Angie to the school, perhaps. They might be able to help you. After all, if people think I was behind everything Crazy Hand did, then I suppose they wouldn't trust me... I've been tracking down a couple of leads, though. Talk of psychic stones, stuff like that. I'll try to keep you informed, assuming Porky doesn't get me."
"He'll read our mail," Red says immediately. "Don't send us any letters."
"A good point," Headmaster Hand concedes. "Well, I'm sure I'll come up with something. In the meantime, I'd better return this handbag. Elmore bought it, you know what she's like..."
"Yes, indeed," I say, though I don't really remember who she was. After a few awkward goodbyes, Headmaster Hand heads toward the handbag showroom.
"Alright," Pit says. "What now?"
Putting my hands together, I try to think of some sort of plan, Lucas-style. Cleaning his dad's house is going to be an absolute chore — I've never seen a place so derelict — but at least the others volunteered to help. It'll be a nice distraction, too, from Father and how he may never love me again, or provide me with food, or let me back into our home-
I quell those thoughts at once. I'm not thinking then again.
Not for the millionth time.
"We've got to buy more bread," I say, hastily trying to distract myself. "Toon Link, shall we go and buy some bread?"
"Of course, good liege," Toon Link says, curtseying. "We shalt obtain that grain; yeetus that wheatus."
Lucas tosses me the money, and Toon Link and I enter the bakery. It's one of my favourite places, full of delightful smells and exciting produce. Often, when I manage to escape Father's watchful eye, I come here to buy myself a pastry, or even a cookie. Then, I'll walk through the forest with it, and enjoy nature.
Those were better times.
"This place is great," Toon Link says, impressed. "How long has if been here? Can we buy the whole shop?"
I grin, tempted by the prospect. "You've never visited?"
"No, we do all our shopping at the market. My eyes are opened!"
"Ah, Ness!" someone says. A familiar rosy-cheeked face, Felicity, the head baker's daughter, emerges from the back. "And with a friend, too?"
"Yep," I say. "We're here to buy some..." I trail off. Felicity's staring at Toon Link quite intensely.
"Sorry — yes," Felicity says, instantly retaining her usual composure. "What were you saying? It's been a weird day. I keep thinking people are... ah, never mind. What can I do for you, dear?"
"Four cookies, two bread rolls and a baguette, please."
"Of course," Felicity says, instantly gathering everything together. "You know, just a minute ago, there was another kid here with the exact same order."
"That'll be Lucas," I explain. "We had a run-in with the police."
"The famous Lucas!" Felicity says, smiling. "Oh, how you'd harp on about him as a kid. Though, dear me. The police?"
"Well," I begin, but I'm interrupted by a sudden screech.
"REMEMBER TO BURN A ROLL FOR THE GODS!"
"Yes, Mother!" Felicity rolls her eyes. "I'm thirty-two, I didn't forget-"
"DON'T TALK TO ME THAT WAY!"
"Of course," Felicity mutters under her breath, closing the door to the back. "Sorry about her. She's been even worse lately."
I frown. "Oh, why?"
"Long story, dear." She haphazardly takes some rolls from the woodstove, throwing one into the roaring flames. "Nothing to worry about."
"We've got time," I say, and Felicity rolls her eyes.
"Ain't you nosey? Fine, fine, but you'd better not tell anyone." I get the impression she was quite keen to tell me anyway. "Surprised you don't know, it was the talk of the town for a while..."
"What was?"
"Well, dear, a few years ago, I had a son." Felicity puts the bread into its bag. "But the father... well, we weren't married, you see. And I was quite young, which is obviously looked down upon. So, I had to..." She fixes her gaze on the cookie dough she's begun to make. "...give him away. I thought that was it, thought I'd never see him again, but I saw his name in the newspaper. Mother saw, too, and that's why she isn't happy."
I blink, a little agape.
"And that's why I keep looking at everyone..." She throws the cookies into the oven. "Because anyone could be him! He's in Onett somewhere, he has to be. Say, he'll be your age, Ness. Do you know anyone who's adopted?"
"Sorry, no," I say. "Do you, Toon Link?"
"Oh, uh." Toon Link jolts to attention. "I don't think so."
"That's a shame..." Felicity pulls the cookies from the oven. They've browned nicely, and I feel my stomach rumbling. "Here's your order," she says, handing everything over. "Take it free, since you lost everything else..." Felicity turns away, apparently distracted.
"Good luck," I say. "See you around."
"See you…"
We leave her in the bakery, stepping out into the cold air. But Toon Link turns to me at once.
"Ness, I have news."
"What's the news?"
"I'm adopted."
"You — what?"
"Uh, yeah." Toon Link rubs his arm, suddenly looking very nervous. "I was left in the forest at birth, but George and Electra found me and took me in. Which is a thing."
"So, Felicity's your mum!" I exclaim, but Toon Link appears pained.
"Maybe. I don't know. Probably?"
"Aren't you gonna go back in and tell her?"
"No way." He looks unwell.
"Why not?"
"Because she'll be — it'll be — I just can't!"
"But don't you want to, like, reunite or something?" I look at him in disbelief. "And what about Felicity?"
Toon Link scoffs. "Felicity? Screw her. Just — no. I don't want to."
"She's really nice," I say, but I can tell it's a losing battle. "Are you going to be okay?"
"I don't know," Toon Link says shortly, beginning to march toward the others. I can only follow, feeling an unpleasant pit in my stomach.
"Sorry," I murmur.
It's almost concerning how quickly Toon Link covers up his emotions. As soon as we're back by the statue, he's all smiles and jokes again. I have to wonder, how often is he just pretending? Putting up a facade to save face? I shift, uncomfortable about everything. I know I shouldn't tell anyone about this, but I feel bad for Felicity nonetheless.
"Time to go clean, then?" Pit asks, and everyone nods in agreement. As we start walking, I take a deep breath, trying to be positive about it all. I'm glad everyone's helping, and I'm glad we can make Lucas happier, too. I can't believe that he'd been living like that — it makes me feel so sick and guilty. All while I was living it up in my fancy bungalow! I would've let him in; all he had to do was ask and I'd have rescued him. But I suppose, in that respect, he's just like his Father.
We reach the overgrown front door, and Claus opens it for us, beaming. He and Toon Link exclaim a cheery greeting, and then we're all piling inside. We find Lucas's father in the lounge, saying hello, but not much more because trying to talk to him is weird. I just don't get it. He has this listless look about him, like nothing matters anymore. He's more averse to conversation than anyone I've ever met. I'm not sure how Lucas gets through to him, or for that matter if he even does.
"These are my friends, Father," Lucas says clearly. "They're going to help clean up. Is that alright?"
Flint gives a sort of half-shrug. Lucas interprets it as a yes.
"Great. We've got some food, too, so we can have some lunch first. Would you like a sandwich?"
"Okay," Flint murmurs, and we head on through to the kitchen.
The smell is as repugnant as ever. Of all the rooms, this one fills me with the most fear. I don't know how much rotting food could be hiding under the old newspapers and packaging, and the pantry gives me the creeps. It's probably full of mice.
"This might take longer than we thought," Villager says, plugging his nose. "Christ, Lucas, how long's he been on his own?"
"Too long," Lucas mutters. "Sorry, you don't have to help, it's okay-"
"We'll help," Villager says. "It's just, I know you said it was bad, but wow. We'll have to clean the carpets and everything. And it's Tuesday today — we've got to go back on Friday."
Lucas makes a discontented noise.
"Then we shall work fast," Red says. "We shall try our very best.
"Yeah," Toon Link agrees. "Don't be such a pessimist, Villager."
And so, once the sandwiches have been made and devoured, our job begins.
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—DAY 1—
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Red dictates we should start with the kitchen, since that's where we'll need to cook our lunches. We assess the damages, deciding that our biggest issue is the broken window — we'll have to find a glazier somewhere in the city. But Pit remembers that his uncle happens to be one, and he hurries out to find his shop.
The next issue is the cupboards. Most of the doors are hanging off their hinges. Thankfully, Villager puts his Trades skills to good use, taking out the tools that Lucas purchased. It becomes clear pretty quickly that some cupboards are rotted through completely, and will have to be replaced. We decide that shelving would be more effective, and Red is sent out to chop some wood. In the meantime, Lucas starts a list, his 'List of things to replace.' Shelves come first.
While Lucas measures the skirting boards, salvaging whatever wood he can, Toon Link and I get to work on the floor. It's stone, so we send Claus to get some water. The rest of us sort through the larger pieces of junk; old sheets of paper, hangers, string, receipts, envelopes, postage stamps, stones, and some rather nasty-looking mouldy potatoes. Two distinct piles start to form: 'Bin' and 'Keep'. One is certainly larger than the other.
Flint watches us as we work. Since Lucas's kitchen area and lounge, not unusually, are only divided by an entranceway, we are subject to his harrowing gaze. His mournful atmosphere is infectious, so I try to look away. But it's hard. I think he's judging us.
Or perhaps he's judging himself. Every time we find something new, he'll give a little twitch, pain flashing in his eyes. But I don't let it get to me, nor do I let the awful smell get to me, because there's work to be done, and I will do it. Even if rats and mice have savaged half of the walls, leaving their droppings and dirt all over the floor, I will see to it that the house becomes happier.
I will see to it that Lucas becomes happier, too.
With Claus not yet back with the water, the pantry is next on the agenda. It's daunting and ominously cavernous, but Lucas is the first to brave its darkness, lighting an old stump of candle we find under the main table. When he swings open the door, a cloud of dust flies up, and I sneeze, unnerved.
"Careful in there!" I say as Lucas edges deeper inside. I'm sure I spot something glinting in the darkness, caught in the candlelight.
"I dare you to go in with him," Toon Link says, so I do, creeping inside. The smell is immediately overpowering, damp mixed with old meat and decay. The image of a Future Human flashes through my mind, and I briefly recoil, afraid.
And then, Lucas screams.
The candle falls to the floor, plummeting us into darkness. I grab for him, but he's already running away. I follow, my heart racing, almost crashing into Toon Link.
"What's going on!?" Red exclaims.
"Mice!" Lucas yelps, and I shout. Three of them are pouring from the pantry, scurrying like demons. Pit launches himself at the pantry door, trapping them inside.
We take a moment to catch our breath.
"Hell no," Toon Link says. "We are never opening that door again."
But Villager laughs. "For real? We've fought giant monsters, and you're all scared of mice?"
"I'm homosexual," Toon Link protests. "Mice propagate discrimination."
"They're evil," I agree. "A mouse ate my pastry once. I haven't emotionally recovered."
"Villager can fight the mice later," Red decides. "Since he is the only unafraid one."
"Wait, no-"
"It is a matter of productivity!" Red says. "We can put mouse traps on Lucas's list, anyway. For now, we should work on clearing out the cupboards."
There's no arguing with that.
It turns out the cupboards are hiding some particularly strange items. From one, we remove several empty bottles, but from another, we find a damp sock, a glass of suspicious red liquid, and a collection of sea shells. For every piece of dirty crockery, there's something perplexing, such as the portrait of several frogs I withdraw from a shelf.
"I didn't paint this," Lucas protests. "And we don't collect art, either."
Luckily, we don't come across any more frogs, or any more mice, for that matter. There are some suspicious piles of shredded paper, which we theorise could have been nests at some point. But we clear them without hassle, further increasing the size of the 'Bin' pile.
In the end, it takes us the best part of an hour to clear the cupboards, and they yield plenty of salvageable cutlery, though some plates have to be added to Lucas's List of Things to Replace. It's a shame, but I think we'll have enough money to cover them. With perfect timing, Claus comes back with the water, and we wash out the insides of the cupboards, screw what doors we can back on, and stand back, relatively pleased with ourselves.
But the job is far from over.
We send Claus back out for more water, which makes me feel a little guilty, since the nearest pump is a fair distance away. Thankfully, he obliges, leaving the rest of us to continue our work. I remove broken glass from the windowsill, while Lucas starts on the mould-covered surfaces. Toon Link and Villager team up on a unit of shelves, and Red uses a bath brick and emery powder to clean the utensils. There's a kind of grim resolution to all of our faces, but the feeling of productivity is kind of nice, I decide. We fall into a sort of rhythm, and I jump when Pit returns with news about the window.
"My uncle will replace it tomorrow," he says. "Apparently, he's busy making a glasshouse for someone rich."
"Ew, who?"
"Some guy called Geldegarde, apparently."
Lucas and I exchange the quickest glance of all time. He survived. But that's an issue for later.
The dining table is our next task. Claus returns with the water, and he and Toon Link scrub the floor while the rest of us work on it. Mercifully, the table doesn't seem to be falling apart, but we haphazardly add some screws to the legs, just in case. Red performs some physics calculations to determine their location. Once we've scrubbed off the dirt, the chairs are fine, too. The moth-eaten cushions have to go, but who needs cushions anyway?
A lot of hammering and polishing later, it suddenly comes to our attention that we're done. The day has crept up on us, and an orange sunset glows through the shattered window. Empty surfaces surround the kitchen, and the cupboards are tidy, Villager having installed a few wooden shelves. The drawers are stocked with clean cutlery, and the tiled floor is polished. Our 'bin' pile takes up some space, but I inwardly celebrate nonetheless. This is a decent milestone.
We box up the remaining rubbish, taking it away to be disposed of. There are still things to buy, the window to fix, and the pantry to clear out, but for the most part, everything is habitable. Area one out of three is complete.
"We finished, Father," Lucas says. Flint turns his head to view the changes and gives a sort of nod. It's weak, but it's definitely appreciative. Toon Link says we can go to his house right away, and Flint agrees quite happily to the idea. Perhaps he's tired of looking at the mess.
I know I would be.
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"Electra said she'd set up your beds for you," Toon Link is saying as he knocks on his door. "Ness and Lucas, you can share." He winks.
George swings the door open, and I'm instantly hit with a rush of warmth. I've been to Toon Link's place more times than I can begin to remember. Before Father banned me from going out, Inkling and I would hang out there after primary school, and his parents were all too keen to have us. In hindsight, they were probably delighted the then-shy Toon Link had managed to make friends, but we didn't mind one bit. Toon Link's parents were the nicest, we'd all agreed. It was our meeting place.
"Thanks for having us," Lucas says. "I brought a gift — these steaks we got from the butchers..."
"Very kind of you," George says heartily, taking them. He looks intimidating, with a rugged face and hefty arms, but Electra has softened him through the years. "How'd you get on with the cleaning?"
"We finished the kitchen," I say. "Except for the pantry. There were some mice."
George gives a thoughtful nod. "I think we have some mouse traps if you'd like to borrow them. But come on through, you must be exhausted..."
We follow him down the hall. Toon Link's home has a kind of vibrancy to it, the standard layout of a house being little more than a template. It's homely, pleasantly busy, all sorts of Things all over the place. But before we can sit down and admire it, we're accosted by Electra, Toon Link's mother, so she can tell us the arrangement.
"Toon Link told us about what's happened," she explains. "And so, I insist you stay over for the rest of the week. It's the least we can do, as you've been such good friends to Toon Link through the years. Now, we've got plenty of rooms, and plenty of food, so don't go feeling guilty — especially you, Lucas?"
I grin. She knows him too well.
"Okay," Lucas says sheepishly, a little overwhelmed. "That's amazing, thank you so much."
"It's no bother," Electra says. "And as for Flint, you needn't worry about him. We'll get him back to himself, just you see. Does that sound good?"
"Sounds good," Lucas agrees.
We have a minute to sit down and unwind, then Toon Link happily introduces us all to his little brother, Young Link (already four years old, to my amazement). After that, we're directed to his neon yellow bedroom.
"We aced that," Toon Link says, grinning as we take our seats around the room. "Like, that couldn't have gone much better."
"Except for the mice," Villager reminds him. "Which you were terrified of."
"You're never gonna let me forget that, are you?"
"Oh, absolutely not."
"There is still plenty to do," Red says. "However, the kitchen was the dirtiest part."
"Yeah… thank you guys," Lucas says. "I owe you all."
Pit smiles. "You don't owe us anything. Really, we're the ones paying you back."
"Huh? For what?"
"Being there for me when Dark Pit passed," Pit says.
"And saving our lives, multiple times," Toon Link adds.
"And looking after Ness in his coma-"
"And being generally awesome-"
Lucas blushes a deep red, mumbling something incomprehensible. I can't help but laugh.
We're soon called down for dinner. The steaks Lucas bought turn out to be amazing, by virtue of being steaks. Afterwards, Lucas, Toon Link and I decide to check on Flint — to our delight, we find him talking to Gerald in the living room. Talking! Things are actually, genuinely getting better, and that fills me with warmth. Seeing the extra spring in Lucas's step doesn't hurt, either.
"How are you doing, dad?" he asks.
Flint looks up at his son, and I swear, he almost smiles. "Alright."
We return to the others with giant grins on our faces.
"Is he looking better?" Villager asks.
"He's looking a lot better than you," Toon Link says, plonking himself down next to Claus, who laughs.
Villager rolls his eyes. "You'll be the death of me."
"It must suck not to have a sense of humour."
"Maybe I've never heard you say anything funny."
"Hey!" Toon Link throws himself at Villager, and the pair laugh, grappling on the floor.
A while later, it's time for bed. For the first time in forever, Lucas and I will be sharing a room, alone. It'll be the first time as boyfriends, too, which I must admit I'm excited about ("Not for those reasons", I have to tell Toon Link, who laughs at me.)
Toon Link produces some pyjamas for me to borrow, and while Lucas bathes, I lie in the spare bed, contemplating.
It's been a productive day, but that's unimportant. Dwelling on what's already happened has never mattered much to me. Instead, I think about going back to school, with Porky as the headmaster… worriedly, I shift in place. What kinds of measures will he impose? One thing's for sure, we need to be there to prevent him from hurting people. I've considered counterattacking, making a move on New Pork City, but Porky has ways and means of transporting himself. If a Future Human sees us, he'll be on his way before we can say Placet Auxilium.
Which means we're going to have to play a long game. Porky's reign will be torturous, but we can plan and look out for cracks. We'll have to find allies, which certainly seems doable. I'm sure Rosalina won't warm to Porky's misogyny, and in fact, I can't imagine anyone really liking him.
Another question is Why. Why on earth is Porky becoming Headmaster? He's got no qualifications, he hates children, and he's busy forging an entire empire; taking a break to teach a load of ungrateful schoolkids hardly seems like a good career plan. But perhaps it comes down to me and Lucas — it's clear to me that Porky is after us because of our powers. There's no other reason, nothing else that makes us special. And the way he's been speaking, he's been after Lucas specifically, the most powerful of us. And he keeps saying things like 'I will have what I want…'
Maybe what he wants is us, our powers. In fact, that makes sense! I sit upright, suddenly alight with this realisation. What if he wants to steal our powers? Porky's no stranger to dissection and human experimentation, and perhaps that's why he hates me so much! I'm the big obstacle in the way of Lucas! Because of me, Lucas is difficult to obtain. Porky's been trying to get me out of the way for ages. The Future Humans, putting me in a coma. The dream egg. And Lucas — he tried to kidnap Lucas in the shower! It all makes sense!
Does that solve all our mysteries? Well, not quite. The egg still has Something inside it, there's still a grave with my name on in the forest, and Geldegarde is still busy. But otherwise, things are looking good.
It's hope, really. That's what we suddenly have. A plan to train and practice with these powers, and to figure out Claus's abilities. With that, we can get stronger, because Ryu gave us everything we need, I think. We have psychic books to examine. Magic may not end this, but it will certainly help, and if we can blow up as many Future Humans as possible in the process? That sounds alright to me.
Lucas eventually comes out of the bathroom, pink-faced, pyjama'd, and clean. He welcomes my smile, and I momentarily consider telling him about Toon Link's dilemma with his parents. But I hear Villager and Toon Link talking in low tones next door, which means everything should be covered. Besides, I want to have some time away from all that, to kiss Lucas and tell him how cute he is when he's flustered. I want to mess up his hair and wake up to his secret smiles. Being in love with my best friend has never felt so amazing.
Lucas is about to climb into bed when Claus bumbles in.
"Where I sleep?" Claus asks nervously. "Am lost..."
"Just next door," Lucas says, going to the doorway. "Come on, I'll show you."
Goddamn it. I plant my face into my pillow.
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—DAY 2—
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Usually, waking up in Lucas's arms is the best way to start the day. But when Toon Link splashes us with cold water, giggling about how 'cute' me and Lucas are together, I know we're in for a rough time.
"We're supposed to be cleaning the house, not ourselves," I complain, towelling myself off. "What was that for?"
"We tried shaking you awake," Toon Link says. "But that just made you cling to your boyfriend."
"At least I have a boyfriend."
"Hey! I'll have one too... eventually."
"Oh dear," Pit says, appearing. "What happened to you?"
"Toon Link happened," I grumble.
"Ah, he's probably jealous because Villager had to go home."
"Uncalled for!" Toon Link says. "But admittedly, true."
Once I'm suitably dry, breakfast is served — porridge and a boiled egg. It's excellently lively with eight people around the table, all talking and laughing and prodding fun at each other. Young Link takes a particular fascination in Claus, and Claus goes along with it, albeit awkwardly. I even spot Flint watching from a way off, looking neater and perhaps well-rested after his sleep. Then, before we know it, we're ready to get back to cleaning.
"Will my dad be okay to stay here?" Lucas asks nervously, pulling on his borrowed coat. Rain has begun to spatter outside.
"Of course." Electra smiles. "I'll keep him company, don't you worry yourself."
"Thank you."
We reconvene with Villager and Red in the market square. We march toward the Eastside, and then we're back in the house, which still smells of mouse droppings and beer.
Fantastic.
Today's job: the bedroom. It's full of heaps of clothes, tissues, used receipts, and general grime. This will be a case of sorting and salvaging, I reason, but before we can begin, Pit's uncle, the glazier, arrives to take care of the broken window.
"We can get to work on the clothes," Lucas says to me, and I nod, joining him. A plethora of moth-bitten brown shirts are first to go, which reveals a disgusting yellow-and-purple jumper. I try to put it over Lucas's head, and he laughs, so I squish his cheeks.
"How are you feeling about everything?" I ask him, tossing the terrible jumper into the Bin pile. "Is it still a bit weird being back?"
"It's less weird, more surreal," Lucas says. "This doesn't really feel like my home. But honestly, it never really did."
"Because of your father?"
"Yeah, and because homes are supposed to be nice." Lucas averts his gaze, starting to dig through a drawer of waistcoats. "If anything, your house is more homely. Or maybe homes aren't buildings, maybe they're just like, people. Something that makes you feel safe."
"Deep," I say. "You're my home. Can I live in you?"
Lucas gives me a concerned look, and I snort.
We keep tidying. There's a pile of cowboy hats beneath a filthy blanket, next to a load of old mining helmets. Next comes the wardrobe, which provides an entire armageddon of things to deal with. It's hard to pull open the great wooden doors at first, but when we do, we find a pile of shredded paper (another mouse nest, Pit theorises) along with some official-looking documents. Behind that are boxes, candles, more hats, bottles, and even a nice-looking pocket-watch, which Villager takes particular interest in.
"There was probably more here before," Lucas says. "I think Flint sold a lot of stuff."
"Shame," I say, but Toon Link comes in bearing an envelope.
"You've got mail," he says, handing it to me. I look at the address, a letter from Tracy. I keenly tear it open.
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Ness,
I figured you'll be camping out at Lucas's house. Hopefully, I'm right, or I'm wasting a lot of time here, and you should be ashamed.
Father's angry with you. Like, super-duper angry. He keeps murmuring things about crucifixions and praying away the devil, so maybe don't come home any time soon. I can't believe it, the minute you and Lucas finally exchange saliva, he has to kick you out. Where's the fun in that? I was looking forward to bullying you!
Because of you being supremely mega homo, Father's been in a terrible mood, and Mother's been really upset and distant. I think she's angry at Father, but I don't know what she thinks about you. They paid for Paula to go to the boarding school, you know, just so you two could be together! I think Father's going to give you an arranged marriage at this rate, just to stop you from fucking Lucas.
Now, most importantly, stay safe. I'm pretty sure you've got a wanted poster in the newspaper, and there's a £1000 reward over your head. If you make me go to your goddamn funeral, just because you couldn't keep your tongue out of Lucas's mouth, then I'm gonna be so pissed at you. And even worse, Father will make me wear a dress.
I've also salvaged some of your things. There were a load of letters under your bed from Lucas (they were SO gay, I can't believe you kept them there) and if you confirm that you're in Lucas's house, I can send them to you. But I don't take favours lightly, so you will owe me ice cream. Or alcohol. Depends on how I'm feeling.
And remember to shower, Ness. I can practically smell you from here.
Yours insincerely,
~ Tracy.
.
.
Her chaotic prose makes me laugh, and I write my reply at once, telling Tracy to deliver my things to Toon Link's house. I also ask if Father's mentioned Ryu, wondering if the comment riled him, and even more so if I was right. I can see it: Ryu and Father dating at school, Rosalina on the sidelines. Something goes wrong, or my father's Father makes them break it off... It would explain a lot.
Villager agrees to come with me to deliver the letter. As we step out into the cold, I find myself wondering about Felicity again.
"Do you know if Toon Link is okay?" I ask, once we're away from the house. "Did he tell you what happened yesterday?"
"Yeah, he told me," Villager says. "It's pretty messed up. I knew he was adopted, he told me while we were trapped by that cult."
"I never knew," I murmur. "I think he has a lot of secrets, or at least, a lot of things he doesn't talk about."
"For sure," Villager agrees.
"I just feel bad for Felicity, honestly." I wring my hands, thinking about her, the woman I've known since I was a kid. To think she was forced to give away her child, just because she wasn't married. "She's never known her son, and now here he is, not wanting to talk to her."
"I wouldn't feel as bad if I were you," Villager says. "It's complicated, but from what I understand, the way she gave him away kind of messed with his head."
"Really?" I suddenly feel a little uncomfortable.
Villager nods. "That's not for me to tell you, though."
I murmur my agreement. I feel like I'm not supposed to know any of this, like I've stumbled into a party I wasn't invited to. Except, it's not a party, it's a big, dark secret. And now, Toon Link has to face it — I couldn't even imagine keeping something hidden for that long. No doubt it's haunted him. I can hardly begin to imagine his emotions, how they would've tormented his mind, his fears of being unwanted, a misfit... no wonder he grew up so fast.
We reach my bungalow, and I sneak down the garden path. I deliver the envelope, leaving sixpence on it for Tracy to buy that ice cream. While Villager waits by the gate, I look up at my home, feeling a little mournful about everything. The lights are warm inside. Our gardeners will be tending to the flowers, making the lawn look beautiful. The cook will be making something delicious. I miss all these luxuries, but this is the lot I have drawn. Ultimately, I've chosen Lucas over that lifestyle, and in a weird way, I'm pleased. Without being surrounded by wealth, I might have a chance at a normal life.
We leave without a second look.
When we return, Lucas has already laid out a lunch. After wolfing it down, we get back to work. The next thing of note comes in an envelope, which Pit finds tucked away at the back of the wardrobe.
"It's probably more bills," Lucas says, barely looking. "Just throw it away."
But Pit holds it out. "It's got your name on it. Open it."
That gets Lucas's attention. He comes over from sorting a rather holey pile of underwear, and he takes it, unfurling the contents. The name is stamped, not written, and inside is a single sheet of paper.
"It's... my birth certificate," Lucas says softly.
Keenly, we crowd around. Lucas shows us the paper, written in a fancy font, embossed with the Tazmily emblem. I read: This certificate certifies the birth of Lucas, son of Hinawa and Flint. 5th July, 1869.
"There's another one," Pit realises, pulling out another envelope. It's labelled Claus. Claus keenly opens it, staring at his page.
"It's me!"
"It's you," Toon Link says. "I guess you exist, after all! There was me thinking you were a hallucination..."
"Wow," Lucas murmurs, still looking at the page. He puts a hand to his eye, wiping something away. "I never knew we had these." He looks quite emotional all of a sudden, clutching the certificate in his hand, and I move in to hug him.
"Why is Lucas sad?" Claus demands. "Who made Lucas sad?"
"Claus, I'm fine-"
"But you're crying!"
"I'm alright," Lucas mumbles. I squeeze him, and he slips the certificate back into its envelope.
We continue with our work.
Clearing the clothes doesn't take long, and then it's time to work on the mould. Toon Link scrapes down the walls with some heavy-duty sponges, while Red leads the operation in changing the bedsheets, and Villager drags armfuls of tissues out from underneath the bed.
I, meanwhile, try to get some light to come through the window. The moss and lichen are surprisingly stubborn, and I have to crack out some heftier tools to banish them. We work in silence, except for Pit's uncle hammering in the background (why does installing a window require hammering?) and Claus stuffing unusable clothes into a bag.
Time flies by quite fast. Before we know it, the room is clear of rubbish, and we're victorious yet again. Lucas hangs the bizarre frog painting on the wall, and we step back to admire our progress. Another room is finally livable.
But tomorrow will be daunting. The living room is the worst of the lot, with all those bottles and potentially broken glass everywhere. Not only that, but the awful mouse-infested pantry remains... though, that's a job for later. For now, we have succeeded.
"All done," Pit's uncle says cheerfully, with that big, booming voice every single tradesman seems to have. "No payment needed, consider it a family benefit. Goodbye, all!"
He leaves, and we do soon after.
We have a quiet night in. Toon Link's little brother throws a tantrum during dinner, but otherwise, we take some time to hang out and mess around. The old classic Truth or Dare comes back again (with nobody climbing any trees!) and by nightfall, even Lucas is feeling merry. Flint, meanwhile, seems to be about as positive as we've seen him. Electra's given him a haircut, neatening him up a little, and he's wearing his hat. It's progress.
With that all sorted, I have a nice, hot bath, and then I'm tumbling into bed with Lucas. Claus knows where to go this time, so Lucas and I get a little alone time to cuddle. Lucas is tired, so it doesn't last long, but that's okay.
Things are on the up. Hope is here to stay.
.
.
—Day 3—
.
.
This time, waking up in Lucas's arms feels amazing. Nobody splashes us with cold water. In fact, Lucas is delightfully soporific, and I feel like I could float away.
In fact, these days, I feel bad for single people. I've lived that life, and I never want to go back. Everyone should have a Lucas, I reason tiredly, tugging him a little bit closer.
It's also weird to think of ourselves as boyfriends. While we've always been sort of exclusive, there's never really been a title for it. Best friends was about as close as it got, and it's odd to formalise our bond with a mere word.
But I think I like it.
We already acted like lovers, anyway, and not much has changed due to my dramatic love confession. After all, we've always had that mutual understanding that what we have is absolute, and that nobody can take it away. Perhaps, in time, we'll be a little more intimate, and that'll be new, but for now, I'm content. In a way, it feels as though we've been boyfriends all along, which is kind of awesome.
"Wake up, Lukey!" I say, snuggling him. He gives me a filthy glare.
"If you call me that again, we're breaking up."
"Okay, Lukey," I sing, kissing him on the cheek. Kisses are still kind of new territory for us, and I blush like crazy when they happen. They sort of feel like a Thing That Other Couples Do, but I think we can make them ours.
"Who's Lukey?" Claus asks, choosing that moment to come in.
"Your dear brother," I say. "How about some breakfast, hm?"
We get dressed, heading down, greeting a cheery Toon Link on the way. Pit is with him, looking well-rested. The five of us greet Electra in the kitchen.
"School tomorrow," she announces at once. "You boys all ready?"
"Yes," Toon Link sighs. "For the millionth time."
Young Link pouts. "Big brother going?"
"Sorry bud," he says. "Education and fulfilling the requirements of a capitalist society call."
"What's capitalist?"
"Never mind that," Electra interrupts, swooping in. "I'm making omelettes, today. Is everyone alright with that?"
Lucas noticeably awakens. "Yes, please!"
Electra laughs, grabbing a frying pan from the cupboard. "I'll be happy to oblige, then. By the way, Lucas, your dad will be starting his new job today. I think he's quite excited."
"New job?" Lucas says, surprised. "What's he doing?"
"Well," Gerald Montague says, coming into the kitchen with a hearty smile. "The butchers' stall has been quite popular, and it's about time I had a second pair of hands. Flint was more than happy to take the role."
"W-Wow," Lucas stammers, sounding a little emotional again. "That's great, thank you. Thank you so much."
"Yesterday, I taught him all I know," Gerald continues, grabbing a chunk of bread and buttering it whole. "He's a good handler of the meat, you know. A nice, firm grip."
"I wonder if Lucas takes after him?" Toon Link asks, and I kick him under the table.
The omelettes are delicious, and once they've been consumed, it's time to visit Lucas's house. Red instantly halts us when we meet in the town centre.
"Today, we need an action plan," he says. "We've been working fast, but now, we'll have to work faster. I shall therefore take the lead, and we shall finish in good time."
Vigilante Red takes us to the front door, and we pile inside, full of confidence.
The living room doesn't look fun. The biggest obstacles are the piles of glass bottles, but I fear they could mask even more filth and dirt beneath them. There are boxes of mystery things all around the place, and months of unopened mail remain by the front door. It'll be daunting.
"Who'll work on the pantry?" Red asks, surveying the scene.
Everyone turns to Villager.
"Hey! Don't look at me!"
"Democracy wins," Red says, banishing Villager to the kitchen. "As for the rest of you, Claus, fetch water. Lucas, fix the furniture. Ness, read the mail. Toon Link, clear the bottles, and Pit, go and buy the items on the list. Good luck!"
"Wait, but what about yourself?" Toon Link asks.
"I am the manager of this team. My duty will be to maximise efficiency."
We know better than to argue.
I move over to the mail. The envelopes are kind of grubby, so I open them with an outstretched arm, hoping I don't catch an exotic disease.
Income Tax Due, blares the first letter. Urgent Action Required.
Dear Mr. Flint,
If you are currently employed in the private sector, you are legally obliged to pay tax on your income. This operates at a strict rate of 20% of your yearly profits. It will be collected via your local Onetian Council taxman, who will collect the money on the 18th of December-
Okay, that's out of date. I toss the letter onto the discard pile. Tax sounds concerning; hopefully, that doesn't mean Lucas is in debt.
Position Terminated, reads the next letter.
Mr. Flint,
As you have been made aware, your position as Pickaxe Wielder in Giant's Mine has been terminated, following your unruly behaviour in the workplace. Onett Coal Co. wishes you all the best for the future, and Onett Coal Co. wishes never to see you again.
Well, at least that clears him of the income tax. I tear open the next envelope, wondering if there'll be any juicier ones.
Debts Pending
Mr. Lucas's Dad,
According to our records, your next instalment of loan repayments (for your rental of one PorkyCarriage) is eight months overdue. Interest rates have therefore risen to 5%, and your total due debt is presently £30,500. Unfortunately, the longer you hold out on me, the larger the sum becomes. Whoops!
Signed,
Porky Minch, The Empire Porky Building. New Pork City.
Ew. Well, that won't be a concern if we defeat the debtor in an epic battle. I toss the bill aside, but Lucas stops me.
"Was that a debt letter?"
"Yeah, why?"
Lucas pales. "I thought we'd sorted it out! What's it for?"
"One PorkyCarriage, apparently."
"What the hell is that?"
"Did you rent a carriage to get to Onett?" I ask. "Whatever it is, you used it a while ago. The sum is huge."
"Huge?" Lucas mumbles. "Oh, God, this is never going to end, is it?"
"Not until we've defeated him." I pat Lucas's shoulder. "We'll be free eventually."
I continue reading.
Vote Geldegarde Montoli for Mayor!
Dear Occupant,
Are you tired of B.H Pirkle sitting in the pockets of the rich? Are you tired of weak and ineffective leadership? The answer is here!
My name is Geldegarde Monotoli. I like long walks on the beach, trainspotting, and collecting stationery. I pledge to dissolve inequality, ensure social progress, and drive Onett's economy to new heights. I promise happiness for all my citizens-
"Except the kids you pimp out," I mutter, screwing the letter into a ball.
"And the Onett Brigade Leaders he blows up," Lucas chimes in.
The rest of the letters are much of the same. Porky's sent more debt statements and there are a couple more overdue bills, but ultimately, nothing is too dire. However, just as I'm about to throw the letters away, a yellow envelope slips out of the pile.
The stamp is decorated with a picture of a mountain. I hold it out to Lucas, intrigued.
"I think it's from Tazmily," I say. "Do you often get letters from there?"
"Only a few from Duster, but this isn't from Tazmily," Lucas says, taking it. "Tazmily doesn't have any mountains."
"Then where's it from?"
"Mount Oriander," Lucas reads. "It says so at the bottom."
"Where's that?
"Somewhere Northern if it's a mountain. I wonder who it's from?"
Tentatively, he unfurls the envelope, pulling out a sheet of parchment. I look over his shoulder as he reads it:
.
.
.
4th October, 1885
Dearest Flint,
In prefacing this letter, I find myself uncertain of what to say.
Several years have dissolved since we last conversed. Time has soared above our heads, and distance has weathered between us; for that, I am truly sorry. Through the years, I have been sending letters to Tazmily — foolishly! Knowledge of your new address failed to reach me; it's a merciful fortune that your dear friend Duster set me straight.
For my unwiseness, my mortifying sentiments cannot be aptly expressed. Yet, if you should let me, I would like to repair our weathered bonds. Furthermore, I should like to reconnect with the boys, for there is much love I have failed to show them, and, too, many gifts I wish to bestow! If it would not be too dear, a visit to my home would be plausible, though I would acquiesce to reach Onett should you prefer (even if that city's cold misery is consuming, and a source of much unease).
I pray you are faring well without our dearest Hinawa. She was a great light, and her death was a wasp in the sunflower fields she painted around her. But fate's foul sting must linger, and, alike, we must heavily advance, only stopping occasionally to consider what could've been.
Yours regretfully, though not without hope,
~ Alec
.
.
.
When I look up again, Lucas is smiling.
"It's Grandad Alec," he tells Claus. "Wow, I didn't know he was still alive! I've got to write back!"
He scurries off, looking pleased. Claus is beaming around at everyone, too. I've never heard of this Grandad Alec, but if he's still around, he's one more person Lucas can rely on. That's quite alright with me.
My work done, I stuff the rest of the letters away, looking for something else I can help with. Villager's working hesitantly on the pantry, while Toon Link has pretty much finished on the beer bottles. I busy myself with sorting through boxes until Lucas re-emerges, deciding it's time for lunch.
"We should rotate our roles," Red dictates as we slice up the leftover bread. "We'll work faster, that way. Claus, you can clean the walls. Villager, you can scrub the carpet. Toon Link can tidy the furniture and Pit can go to the shops. That leaves Ness and Lucas to work on the pantry."
"Do we have to?" I ask, paling, just as Lucas says, "I suppose that's fair."
Our fate is sealed.
"It's alright," Villager reassures us, filthy from his turn in the looming cupboard. "I filled it with mouse traps, and I got rid of most of the rotten food."
"What if we stand on the traps?" I ask.
"A small price to pay for freedom. Besides, that's not your biggest problem. There's a whole raw chicken at the back, and it's starting to rot."
"What?!"
"Only kidding," Villager says drily. "Good luck, though..."
He disappears, leaving me and Lucas to face the horrors within. I light a candle, the flame a menacing tongue, lashing at our fearful faces. Cobwebs and filth dangle from the tenebrous ceiling. The sepulchral cavern leers, hungry and infinite in magnitude. A foul odour pervades, grabbing us by the throat and dragging us in.
In other words, we're screwed.
I take a deep breath, and we step inside.
Immediately, the temperature drops. The air is stagnant, still and thick with unpleasant smells. Villager has cleared the immediate shelves, but grime climbs up the walls, stretching deeper back than seems humanly possible. I half expect to find Big Foot amidst the gloom, or at the very least be eaten by mice.
We distribute some candles, trying to understand the lay of the land. I keep thinking I'm seeing movement out of the corner of my eye, but it often turns out to be Lucas.
"I don't like this," he whispers. "I can hardly hear the others."
"Has your pantry always been this awful?" I whisper back, and Lucas shivers.
"Claus used to say it was haunted. He'd dare me to go in and touch the back. I'd always be too scared."
"But there's nothing here," I say. "There can't be."
"Then," Lucas says. "Why are we whispering?"
I gulp. I can't think of a good reply.
"I don't think we're alone," Lucas says quietly. "What if someone died here? What if this is where they've been trapped?"
"But ghosts aren't real," I say, though I wouldn't be surprised if I was wrong. Lucas is right, it feels like something's breathing on my neck. His clammy hand slips into mine.
There are mouse holes at the back of the pantry, and I almost yelp when I see them. Old jars and boxes linger, appearing to suspend in the darkness like marionettes. Throughout the afternoon, we chip away at the filthiest parts of the cupboard, slowly making it usable again. Mercifully, Big Foot remains undiscovered. The spiders are evicted, and the mouse holes are plugged with traps. Even so, the ominous happenings continue: several candles are snuffed out in an instant, jars appear to fall from shelves, and most alarmingly of all, an entire sack of apples tumbles on its own, crashing into our feet like bowling balls. It feels as though something menacing lingers in Lucas's house, something that's not happy with us.
But we do not meet it. After what feels like a millennium, we emerge from the pantry, dark with grime but awash with relief. Finally, it should be usable again, or at the very least, it should be free of dirt. Pit returns from the shop with shelves for the pantry and the cupboard, and once they're installed, it almost feels homely.
Meanwhile, in the living room, progress is promising. The fireplace has been polished to perfection, a neat stack of wood by its side. The mountains of bottles have gone, taking the intoxicating stench of liquor with them. The furniture is tidy, receipts gone, walls clean, mouse droppings swept, old paintings hung, mantlepiece dusted.
In fact, it hits me quite suddenly that we're done.
"What do you think?" Toon Link asks, grinning.
"Wow," Lucas murmurs. "I don't think it's ever looked this nice. I'm - thank you so much! We actually did it!"
"We actually did it," I echo, swelling with pride. Lucas looks gratefully up at me, and I hug him close, feeling a bizarre twist of emotion in my stomach. I don't know why it feels so monumental, but it's been so long since we achieved something together without a 'gotcha!' or an unexpected twist.
"I'll pay you all back," Lucas says faintly. "I owe you. All of you."
"For the last time, no you don't," Toon Link says, patting him on the back. "Just buy us all cookies or something, if it'll make you feel better."
"Well, actually," Lucas says, pinkening. "I kind of already did? They're at Toon Link's house. I thought they'd be a nice surprise."
"You're the best person ever," I declare, and Lucas hugs me tighter.
When we've finished patting ourselves on the back, we step out into the street. I pull away the ivy to reveal modest-looking brickwork and stone, and suddenly, the house doesn't look so sorrowful. We've hardly turned this place into a mansion, but it's livable, and that's the best we can do, which makes returning to Toon Link's bustling house feel like a reward after our hard work. Especially when Lucas's cookies get handed out.
As we sit around Toon Link's living room, eating them, I can't stop grinning to myself. We actually did it. These are my friends forever. This is exactly what Porky's been missing out on, I declare proudly, this is our secret weapon.
The power of friendship.
Lucas prods me for being so cheesy.
"You've done a great job," Electra says, smiling. "Flint isn't home from work yet, but I'm sure he'll be really proud of you. If you like, he can stay here a little longer before going back, and we'll check on him while you're at school, okay? It's important to remember that these things, these bad phases, they don't just disappear. It will get better, but it will take time."
"But is he feeling happier?" Claus asks. I look at him, impressed by how fluent his speaking has become.
"Absolutely," Electra says. "He said he wants to give everything another shot. He wants to try harder at being a dad, first and foremost."
And it's about time, I think to myself. Things might still be difficult, but they're improving, and that's possibly the most hopeful thing in the world. Tomorrow, we go back into another battle, but this evening, I think I want to stay in. If I'm lucky, Lucas will let me kiss him again. We'll play games, and we'll rule over all we survey.
Good things are coming. At long last, the clouds are beginning to fade.