(Prologue: Toon Link)
You know when literally fucking everything goes wrong at once?
Yeah, that's kinda me right now.
Imagine living with your parents, but then you find out they're not your real parents. That's bad enough. But what if your real parents abandoned you in the forest, leaving you to die? That's make them awful people, which means you should hate them. But no, then your Mother comes out of nowhere and it turns out she's nice, and she's looking for you — been looking for you all this time. What the hell are you supposed to do?
All this is hypothetical, of course. Asking for a friend. Totally.
My mind is fixated on the woman in the bakery. Her blonde hair, straight, just like mine. Her rounded jawline, those bright eyes. Everything about her screams of me. Deafeningly.
And my only solace is my gay crush who, in fairness, is doing a good job supporting me through it. But while Ness and Lucas snuggle and giggle in the next room over, I'm stuck robustly in the friendzone, because these things just don't happen to me. I've not got Lucas's pretty blue eyes, nor do I have Red's sharp jawline, or Ness's — well, Ness isn't exactly attractive, but still. He's the one with a boyfriend, for goodness' sake.
Tomorrow morning, we'll be boarding the train and popping up to school. The Wilderness Survival Week (which we spent surviving mould and grime in Lucas's house ) will be done, meaning I'll be far away from the bakery. Maybe I can forget about it! Yes, instead, I can focus on the impending doom of Porky's rise, and cry under the covers because I'm too scared to speak to my real mum.
It's pathetic of me, really. My eleven-year-old self would've killed to meet her, even devoted an entire summer to searching. But now my name is called, I've frozen like a priest being asked to explain the holy trinity. Three people I'm supposed to look up to, none of whom seem to fit together. Sounds familiar, somehow.
I'm just not ready, that's the truth. So, I'm putting it on my list of things I'm not thinking about, along with Ryu being killed before my very eyes, the fact that the world's gonna end soon, and Inkling being dead (something I haven't even cried about yet, which somehow makes me feel worse).
Predictably, Villager finds me under a blanket.
The mattress sinks as he sits down. "How are you holding up?"
I shrug. There's nothing much to say. He's heard it all before.
"Does Pit know?" Villager asks quietly. "About, uh, recent developments."
"Not unless Ness told him." I roll over, turning to face Villager's concerned face. Usually, I'd be all too happy to have a deep conversation with him, but right now, I think I'd rather explode.
"I spoke to Ness," Villager says. "I don't think he'd tell anyone. He's worried about you, though. And, well, her."
"Her," I repeat, unable to say Felicity's name. "Ness can worry about her all he likes. I'm not going back to the bakery."
"I could come with you," Villager offers quietly. "If that would make things any easier. Just, let me know what I can do, mate. I want you to be okay."
"I'm always okay," I lie, ignoring the casual friendzoning. "When am I not okay?"
Thankfully, dinner takes the edge off things. Electra serves a shepherd's pie, and Ness and Lucas have to force down mashed potato to be polite. I'm not sure why it's called a pie when there's no pastry, but who am I to complain? Potatoes are delicious. After we're done, I petition for Electra to allow Red and Villager to stay the night, and it's alarmingly relieving when she says yes.
"Do you think there'll be any new professors?" Villager asks us, sitting back up in my vibrant bedroom. "You know, replacements for Wario and... Ryu."
Ness shudders. "I hope not. Anyone who Porky hires will be horrible."
"Horrible," Claus echoes, his flashing red eye making me a little uneasy.
"But Porky has no allies," Lucas reminds us. "Honestly, I just want to see Porky trying to manage Bowser. They'll be shouting at each other all day."
"Until Porky converts him into a Future Human."
I grin. "No need. All he'd have to do is explain a metaphor, and Bowser would collapse from the mental strain."
Villager laughs at my joke, and I feel immensely pleased with myself.
"I'm tired," Lucas says after a while, covering his yawn with his hand.
"Aw." Ness cuddles him. "We can go to bed if you like."
"I'm tired, too," I say, giving Villager an expectant gaze. Unfortunately, he merely snorts.
"Nice try. I'm not gonna cuddle you."
I pout. "You deprive me. Hugs are good for the soul."
"Only consensually. And you're scared of mice, anyway, so why'd I want to hug a scaredy-cat?"
"And why'd I want to hug a coal miner? Haven't you seen your face after working in that pantry?"
"That's just racism," Villager says, rolling his eyes. "Got a problem with dark skin, have you?"
"Wait, no-"
"Racism is bad," Claus says, though he sounds worried. "Don't stop being friends, please..."
"Unless you finally start being more than friends," Pit says.
"What is more than friends?" Claus asks, and Lucas gives us all a dirty look.
"Don't worry about it, Claus. Come on, let's go to bed... see you guys tomorrow. Sweet dreams."
"Sweet dreams," I say, waving.
The trio file out of the room. Pit and Red follow soon after, when they've assured us that they're finally getting along. I'm not sure what problem Red had with Pit, but I suppose being stuck in the forest together does wonders for healthy friendships. When the pair are finally gone, I realise that just leaves me and Villager, and I silently send Pit my thanks.
"So," I say, slinging an arm around Villager's shoulder. "You tired yet? Or do you want to stay up all night and talk?"
"I'm a little tired," Villager admits.
"Oh, so am I," I say, though I'm not really. "Unfortunately, there's only one bed..."
Villager rolls his eyes. "Said Jack the Ripper before he murdered his victims. You are unbelievable, Toon Link. Perhaps I'll sleep on the floor out of spite."
"How kind of you to offer," I say, smiling. "The whole bed to myself? Sounds good."
"God, there's no winning with you, is there?" Villager laughs again, prompting butterflies to throw a dance party in my stomach. He stands. "I'm going to go and wash my face, and you can choose where I sleep when I come back. On your own head be it."
"You'll be needing these," I say, tossing him a spare pair of pyjamas. Villager eyes them with suspicion.
"Why do I not trust these whatsoever? I swear to God, if these turn out to have a third hole for my dick-"
"I would never," I say, reddening profusely. "Have fun!"
"Who has fun while they're getting changed?"
"Weird people. Like you. Good luck!"
He rolls his eyes as he leaves. I sit back against my pillow, grinning, leaving enough space for Villager if he's feeling courageous. Forget this crush going nuclear, this is becoming supersonic. It's funny, romance had never been my style until now, other than a few rather futile crushes. I had a thing for a couple of girls in primary school (though, Ness and Inkling may have been convincing me of that more than anything) and I had a thing for another boy for some time, but they never meant anything. This means something to me. Under all the teasing, I think there's something real, and that's important.
Waiting for Villager to return feels like an eternity, but when he finally does, he's dressed head to toe in my black pyjamas. Going for the bold approach, he lies down next to me, pulling the covers up to his chest. I raise an eyebrow, and he rolls his eyes again.
"So," I say. "If I got on the train's roof tomorrow, would you come and save me?"
Villager splutters, his forehead scrunching with confusion. "What kind of a question is that?"
"A great one. More importantly, what kind of an answer will you give?"
"Erm." Villager stares at me like I'm insane, but he ponders it, looking as though he's unsure what the correct thing to say is. He adjusts the sleeves of his pyjamas. "Well, first I'd have to slap you for being so stupid."
"How rude. What next?"
"Next, I'd climb on the roof to join you," he says. "Just so I could kill you myself. You see, I've been planning your death ever since I met you. Unfortunately, no opportunities have arisen."
"I'm terrified," I say.
"You should be. I've planned it out in graphic detail. It involves extended fingernail removal, and several mice."
"Can we stop with the mice?" I complain. "And when exactly have you been planning these deaths?"
"Oh, every time you've told a joke."
"How dare you!" Seizing the excuse, I grapple at him, and he grapples back, laughing. I shove at his chest, trying to fluster that expression as much as possible, but he's stoic, pushing back. I'm a lot less stoic, and then he's lying on top of me, having conquered me completely. He looks down at me, and our eyes meet for a second too long.
"You've got a - a nice bedroom," Villager says, quickly looking away. "Loads of stuffed animals. I had a lot of stuffed animals as a kid."
"Yeah, well, Electra won't let me throw my old things away," I say, slightly embarrassed. "How about your bedroom? I don't think I've ever been to your house."
"It's pretty normal," Villager admits, shrugging. I feel his shoulders as they move, and I almost wrap an arm around him, but I don't quite. He's still close, and I don't want to scare him off. "There are lots of books," Villager says. "I wish I had your room, though. It's so full of Things."
"Too many hings," I say, looking at the mountainous shelves. "I should probably clear them out."
"But it's got character. And if these Things have sentimental value, then they're cool."
"So cool," I say. "But climbing on the train will be even cooler."
"Why do you keep saying that?" Villager pushes against me with some exasperation. "Honestly, if you actually climb on the roof, I will freak out."
"Then I guess you'll be freaking out," I say, and Villager rolls his eyes for the millionth time.
"You're impossible, you are. Impossible and evil."
"But those are my best qualities!"
Villager laughs. I grin, and this time, I take the opportunity to put my arm around his shoulder. He eases into it a little, and I find myself liking the warmth of his pyjama top against my skin. He's still close, a little less on top of me than before, but it sends nervousness dancing through my fingertips. Especially when he reciprocates with an arm of his own, and I feel his hand against my back.
"Ness and Lucas sleep like this," I blurt, and Villager laughs again, making my lungs start doing the quickstep.
"Of course they do. Haven't you seen them? They can't get their hands off each other."
"It's good though," I say, despite still envying them slightly. "It's about time. Lucas was so slow, God. And, hey, remember our bet? You have to swim the length of the lake!"
"Oh, great," Villager groans. "But you're right, they took ages. I wonder what they're doing right now?"
My heart stops. "Uh, Ness and Lucas? Right now?"
"Yeah. What do you think they do when they're alone?"
"Erm. Probably, like, kiss?" I'm flustered suddenly, and it's horrendously obvious. "I caught them kissing while we were in the forest. It didn't look like they were good at it."
"I suppose that's a relief," Villager murmurs. "Even if they're lucky with love, at least they have some flaws. It's only fair."
"Yeah," I say, looking down at Villager's lips. "I suppose you're right."
The tension is palpable. Villager raises an eyebrow, following my gaze. He's near — did he get nearer? — and his breath is there, faintly tickling behind my ear. It smells of shepherd's pie.
"Have you ever kissed anyone?" Villager asks, and I have to bite back an alarmed noise.
"Uh, no," I say, not meaning to sound as though I've had no human interaction in several years. "No girls. Definitely no guys."
Villager's breathing pauses. Some sort of hum comes from the back of his throat, and then he says, "Do you want to change that?"
"H-Huh?" I squeak.
"You know, like, kiss." Even he's going red now, the unshakable Villager finally ruffled. "Do you want to try it?"
I can only nod, and then he's coming forward. I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing, so I seek his top lip, which seems to be the right thing to do. I realise his hands are against my cheeks, and I do the same, closing my eyes. It feels good. I try to copy his rhythm, how he moves, and there's heat, and touch, and warmth, and we're so close together-
Then, suddenly, we're bursting apart. He's red-faced, breathing heavily, staring me down.
"Wow," I say faintly.
"Again?" Villager offers.
I can't refuse.
We collide once more, and I find myself wanting it, wanting his touch on mine. I tangle my limbs around him, and he reciprocates, surrounding me with his presence. He kisses me hard, and then his hands are slipping up the back of my shirt; I offer my tongue, and he takes it, knocking me down against the bed. A gasp escapes my mouth as he moves his hand forward, his knee rising to-
Knock Knock Knock.
"What is it?" I cry out, desperate for whoever it is to go away. But the door opens, and it's my mother, and I know that it's over. Villager falls away from me, and I silently curse whatever demon sent her here.
"There you are!" Electra says, bustling in far too loudly. She drops an enormous pile of clothes into my wardrobe, and I feel my cheeks burning with shame. "I've got your clothes for tomorrow," she continues. "They're all washed and dried. I could've gone for your pink bunny shirt, but I decided against it..."
"Great," I mutter, sounding hollow.
"Anytime," Electra says, but she looks over, frowning. "You boys look quite unwell, all red-faced! Have you come over with a fever? Should I bring you some honey?"
"We're fine," I say, mortified. "You don't have to worry."
"We were telling embarrassing stories," Villager explains. His voice sounds unbelievably measured. "That's why we're sweating."
"Ah, of course," Electra says, her expression brightening. "Well, you two boys don't stay up too late! School tomorrow, and I'll want you all down for breakfast."
"We'll be there," I say, and finally, finally she leaves. But once she's gone, I don't know what to say. A lump hangs in my throat, painfully solid. The mood has died completely.
"Sorry," Villager says eventually, sounding weak. "I - I didn't mean... I mean, if I was pressuring you, or something..."
"It's fine," I say. "I, um, what does this — what does this mean? Do you like me?"
I sound unbelievably pathetic.
"Of course I do," Villager says, but he looks unhappy again. "But I shouldn't... not while I'm still deciding..."
"Still deciding?" I take his arm, feeling desperation beginning to swell. "You just kissed me. You just kissed me on the lips. Twice."
"Mother wouldn't like it," Villager mutters.
"But she's not here now!"
"It doesn't matter." Villager rolls disappointingly out of my arms. He sounds almost close to tears. "If she knew, that'd be it for me. It's like you said, I need to wait until I can't rely on her, but that's so far away! I got, I don't even know. We were close, and I really like you, but I can't. I shouldn't be messing you around like this-"
"We could keep it a secret," I say, and my voice is so pitiful, so needy that I want to hit myself. "Nobody has to know."
"But she'd find out eventually. I'm sorry, it's too hard. I went too far-"
"Please," I say, starting to hate myself. "Didn't you like it!"
"Of course I liked it, far too much!" Villager covers his face with his hands, and I hear, for the first time in my life, what sounds like a sob escaping him. "I'll move on from you. I'll have to. You deserve someone easier — I'll stop messing with your feelings, wasting your time. You can find someone better, someone without these - these fucking closet case issues. I can help, if you like-"
"But there isn't anyone better," I say, feeling as though the ground has swallowed me whole. "Nobody understands me like you do."
"That's not true, I'm sorry, I-" Villager takes a sudden breath, trailing off. "...Look, maybe it's too late to be talking about this. I'm being stupid. You're being stupid. I can barely think — God! Let's just talk in the morning, or whenever you want to. We need sleep. Got to be up early tomorrow."
"You're right," I say, though he's wrong, so horrendously wrong. "Let's talk tomorrow."
Villager turns away from me, facing the wardrobe. "Goodnight, Toon Link. Sleep well."
"Sleep well," I echo, facing the wall. I know I won't be sleeping for a while, too caught up in the hopelessness I suddenly feel. I'm going to die alone and miserable, I just know it. It's too difficult to love someone like me.
Letting out a despairing noise, I give Villager one last look.
We don't speak again until the morning.
.
.
.
~~o00o~~
Chapter 48: Red Lights
(Lucas)
~~o00o~~
.
.
.
I wake in Ness's arms.
"Hey, Lucas," he says, already giving me his biggest sunshine smile. "You're so pretty when you sleep, did you know that?"
"And you're so cringy," I groan, but I hug him anyway. He giggles. Bright daylight pours through the window.
The events of yesterday come back to me all at once. We finished cleaning the house. Suddenly assured by this, I stand up, more than ready to get on with our bigger mission. It's school time today, and I think that might not be so bad.
"I can't believe we're going to be taught important life skills by a psychopath," Ness complains as we head out of the bedroom. "What does Porky know about maths? Or about anything?"
"He knows how to be evil," I say, and Ness laughs.
While Ness disappears to take a bath, I call Claus, and the redhead appears with a hopeful expression. I think we've silently agreed he'll be coming to school with us, especially given Flint's still a long way off his best. Besides, Porky will be too busy concocting terrible plans to charge tuition fees.
"You can sit in on our lessons and take notes," I tell him. "You're not registered for exams, but you can still learn. You can have Meta Knight and Olimar's old room, too, once we're taken down all the posters."
"Alright," Claus agrees. "Will be fun!"
We breezily head into the kitchen, where the benevolent and constantly-awake Electra greets us. "Good morning, Lucas, Claus. What can I do for you today?"
"Anything's good," I say, but I notice Flint sitting opposite me, a stern expression on his face. I gulp. "Is everything okay?"
"Yes," Flint says seriously. "I just wanted to say thank you. I figure you're owed that, after... everything." His hat is back on his head, I notice, his beard trimmed back to stubble.
"It's no problem," I reply, meek.
But Flint shakes his head. "It's every bit a problem. I've failed you as a father, forced you to go down that wretched mine because I wanted you to be more like Claus. I was selfish with you. Electra said admitting that is the first step to improvement."
There's hope in his voice, and I watch him, silently listening.
"I think you've grown into an incredibly strong young man," he continues. "You've been stronger than I ever could, but I suppose those are Hinawa's genes. I want to ask you to forgive me, but... I think I need to deserve it, first."
"I don't know if I can forgive you yet," I admit, almost whispering. "But I'll try."
"And that's far more than I deserve." Flint smiles, though his expression is still mournful. "You're going back to school, right? Send letters if you want. I'll try to write back. What happened to our house, it won't happen again, I'm going to make sure of it."
"Good luck," I say, grateful to hear some fight in his voice. "Alec sent a letter, too. I left it in the kitchen."
"I'll read it," Flint says. "I'll do my best to reply."
Ness chooses that moment to stumble in, swiping at a croissant and messily stuffing it into his mouth. He's still dripping with bathwater. Then, he notices Flint, and his expression falls slack. "GoOdth mOrniNG," he manages through the pastry.
"Good morning!" Electra says cheerily. "I see you've discovered the croissants, Ness. One for you, Lucas? Flint?"
We take one, and throughout the next hour, the others emerge one by one. Villager and Toon Link look zombie-like, as if they've had no sleep at all. Pit and Red, on the other hand, look quite cheerful. Eventually, George and Flint go off to work, leaving the rest of us ready to go to the train station.
"Have you got your clothes?" Electra asks sternly. "Your books? Your paper? Toothbrushes?"
"Yes, Mother," Toon Link sighs, sounding uncharacteristically tense. I frown at his tone, but I don't comment on it. That can be an issue for later.
The train station is unpleasantly cold when we arrive, but we don't have to wait for long, as a plume of smoke begins to billow in the distance. Our goodbyes are surprisingly heartfelt in the end, and Electra wishes each of us well; I think she'd been getting lonely at her house. Young Link gives Toon Link one last excited hug, then the crimson train rolls in and we're waved off the platform.
"Each time we've taken the train, something strange has happened," Red says, leading us down the carriage. "We should be vigilant, just in case shenanigans are afoot."
"Good idea," Villager says. He, too, sounds stressed out, and just as Toon Link's putting his case on the rack, a wheel falls off and strikes Ness on the head. I pat the injury better, but that only makes Toon Link huff into another compartment, muttering something about never getting anything right. The others follow, leaving me, Ness and Claus alone.
"Something's up," Ness says at once, and I nod my agreement. I can feel it, unease and tension are leaking out from Toon Link's compartment. I huddle up to Ness, trying not to think too much about it.
The train sets off straight away, immediately drowning out the distant murmur of Twoson commuters. I imagine we'll be making a few stops to pick up the Wilderness Survivors, but that doesn't fill me with hope, either. I don't particularly enjoy the stench of week-old sweat.
"You know, Paula's supposed to be coming to the boarding school," Ness says, providing me with a merciful distraction. "My parents paid for her to come. I think they want us to hook up."
"Too bad we'll be busy overpowering a ruthless dictator."
"Yeah," Ness says, but he doesn't smile. "What if she tells people about us, Lucas? She was very talkative, and Bayonetta's bad enough... we might be in trouble."
"We'll keep it secret," I assure him, but Ness still looks worried. Claus glances between us, wearing a confused expression, and I inwardly curse. He's so quiet, sometimes, and it's easy to forget he's there. Often, he reminds me of a silent ghost, absorbing everything he hears, saving it up in his memories.
"Am excited about school," Claus says, changing the subject. "Lots of things will happen."
"We'll learn loads," I say. "And you'll really like the professors."
But Claus puts a nervous hand to his shrouded face, touching the sheets of metal. "Will people be mean to me, Lucas? Am ugly, and not good at fighting..."
"It'll be okay," I promise. I'd been worried about this. "We'll keep an eye out for you, and make sure nobody is unkind. It's alright to be nervous, but Ness and I will make doubly sure that you're safe."
I watch as the worry vanishes from Claus's face. "Really?"
"Really," I promise, and Claus is instantly back to smiling again.
"Thank you, Lucas. You are best brother ever."
Feeling as if I hardly deserve that title, I turn to disagree, but we're interrupted by a knock. The door opens, and to my surprise, it's Professor Rosalina.
"Hello, boys," she says. Her eyes are tired, distinctly exhausted, but I'm pleased to see she's still here. "Thanks for your letter, Lucas. I hope your dad's doing better now... I just came to check if everything's okay?"
"We're alright, thank you." While delivering my reply to Alec, I'd sent a letter to Rosalina, too. "Have you heard about the new headmaster?"
"Yes," Rosalina says, her mouth visibly tightening. "Porky Minch."
"Porky," Claus echoes. He looks frightened again, nervously biting at his fingers.
"The professors have unified against this decision," Rosalina says. "Even Bowser. Porky may be in power, but we're going to make sure everyone stays safe. Ryu's left me some instructions, to — well, all of us, actually. I've got some things for you when we arrive back at school.."
"Oh?"
She looks up and down the corridor. Seemingly noticing something, she tenses, dropping her voice lower. "I can't tell you now. But Porky's planning a big feast for his arrival, come to my office afterwards. I'll hand them over."
"Okay," Ness says, also whispering.
Rosalina goes off to find the others, and we're left to wonder what on earth she was talking about. Ryu left us things? But he was young, forty at most. It's not like he knew he was going to die.
"That was Professor Rosalina," I explain, noticing Claus's questioning look. "She's the nice one."
"I like her very much," Claus decides at once. "But, Porky..."
"We'll keep you safe from him," I say again. "I won't let him take you away."
"Porky bad," Claus murmurs, staring down at the table.
"He won't even know you're there," Ness consoles, and he pats him on the shoulder. "You won't have anything to worry about."
But Claus looks up, and to my discomfort, I see his eyes are wet. "Porky."
"Claus, listen to me," I say. It's time to be stern. "Porky is a horrible man, and he's hurt us too. But he's just that, a man, okay? And there are six of us, Red, Pit, Villager, Toon Link, me and Ness. We're going up to school to beat him, to finish him off for once and for all. I promise — you don't have to be afraid anymore."
"Thank you... but Ness promise too?" Claus asks shakily.
"Absolutely," Ness says. Claus nods, not looking his best, but he seems more stable, less wobbly.
"Porky still makes me sad," he admits.
"Me too," I say. "God, me too."
Claus falls quiet, and it's one of those dangerous moments where I get far too close to thinking about it. My mind is always inches away from ruminating on what Claus has been through. Eight years of experimentation, submission, isolation under Porky's rule. Not knowing is the worst part, the horrible fact that anything could've, and probably did, happen. Things that no child should ever have to endure.
I can't afford to discover the truth. I can't afford to dwell on it, to wonder about the details.
I don't think I'd survive it.
Instead, I give Claus a hug, which seems to relax him a little bit. I think Claus responds well to physical contact, which makes me wonder whether Inkling hugged him a lot when they were trapped. But that makes my mind think of Future Humans again, which is worse. I force myself to focus on the scene rushing past the window, the train leaving Onett's murky prison, venturing into forests and farmlands.
Time moves by quite quickly. The train occasionally stops to pick up a Wilderness Survival group, and slowly, the silence of the carriage is filled with the echoey tones of conversation. It's bizarre to see real people again, people going about their student lives with normal worries, exams, relationships, homework. It's soothing to see so much normality, but perhaps it's isolating, too. I know that I can never return to that world.
"Hey," Toon Link says, bursting into our carriage. "Room for one more?"
"Yeah," I say, all too glad for a bit more company. But Toon Link looks thoroughly burnt out by everything, and he sighs quite heavily as he sits.
"Thanks," he says. "Red was talking about the history of pool cues next door, and I just couldn't go on, you know? God, if I ever hear the word Chalk again, I think I'm gonna break a window."
"Not for the first time," Ness says, grinning.
"That was a special case." Toon Link jabs him with a glare. "Bowser was being extra annoying."
"So why did you punish yourself by getting a load of glass in your hand?"
"I specialise in punishing myself," Toon Link grumbles. "And that wasn't how it was supposed to go, okay? It was a genius manoeuvre gone wrong."
"Punishment is bad," Claus says, looking unnerved by Toon Link's self-deprecation. Toon Link shoots him a reassuring smile, but I notice something more behind it, and I frown.
"Are you okay?" I ask. "Something's been off with you. I can sense it."
Ness glances quickly to the window. I get the impression he might know something, but it could be private. Maybe I shouldn't be prying.
"It's alright," Toon Link says. "Just the usual, you know? Everything's a bit of a mess."
"Is it to do with Villager?" I ask, remembering breakfast.
"Yep," Toon Link says, grimacing. "As I said, the usual."
"Oh, really?" Ness says. Apparently, this is surprising to him. "What happened?"
"Well, we kissed a bit," Toon Link says, closing his eyes. "A lot, maybe."
"What?" Ness jumps from his seat. "Isn't that a good thing?"
But Toon Link looks emptily at the table. "It was great until he told me it'd never work out. Because of his mother, or something. And the law. I hate the law so much."
"Because of his mother?" Ness says, giving me an outraged glance. I recognise that glance, it's a there is justice to be dealt glance, which means I need to take rapid action.
"Isn't that kind of rude?" I say. "Like, kissing you and then telling you it won't work out?"
"He sort of explained it," Toon Link says, but he doesn't sound convinced. He looks theatrically weary.
"That's kind of terrible," Ness says. "That's like, playing with your feelings. You know what, I should go and talk to him! Because-"
"I'll go," I interrupt, standing. "To save him a shouting match."
"Wait," Toon Link says, looking panicked all of a sudden. "What are you going to say?"
"Only that you're feeling kind of down about things. Communication is important... if Villager knows how you're feeling, perhaps he'll be keen to clarify things." I give them my best smile. "Wish me luck."
As I exit the compartment, I realise the carriage has got a whole lot busier. I think I spot Link in one compartment, though Zelda is surprisingly absent. Meanwhile, Mii, generally known as the most boring person in our year, is busy talking to a boy in a bandanna. I walk past them all until I hear the dulcet tones of Red describing snooker balls.
"Regulation snooker balls, specified in metric units, are nominally 52.5 mm-"
I knock on the door.
"Thank God," Pit says as I enter. "Hey, Lucas, what's up?"
"Erm, I need to speak to Villager," I say. Villager looks surprised. "Probably in private."
Villager follows me out to the aisle, leaving Pit to be subjected to more snooker regulations.
"So, Toon Link's... not feeling too great," I begin. My conflict-averse self isn't sure where to go with this, or why I even volunteered. This is playground drama-level stuff.
"I see," Villager says.
"He says you kissed," I explain. "Then you told him you couldn't be together."
"Ah."
"And he kind of thinks you're messing him around? A bit?" I'm suddenly doubting exactly what Toon Link said. "At least, it seems like you don't know what you want."
"Messing him around?" Villager looks hurt all of a sudden. Fuck. "What's he been telling you? Lucas, I'm not sure why you're the one talking to me about his, not him-"
"Because Ness was going to come out and shout at you," I explain, which is the complete wrong thing to say, because Villager steps back with alarm. "I mean, not shout, but-"
"Is Toon Link upset with me?" Villager wrings his hands. "Ah, God, I've screwed up-"
"Yeah, you have," Ness says, appearing. Double Fuck.
Villager looks afraid, suddenly. "Where's Toon Link? I need to talk to him."
"No, you don't," Ness says darkly. "You need to stop playing with his feelings, and treat him like a decent friend-"
"I'm trying!" Villager protests. "I explained everything to him, and if he didn't get it-"
"You explained it after you kissed him. That's messed up."
"It was the heat of the moment! If he didn't want to kiss, he could've said no-"
"But he did want to kiss, and you led him on! Now, he's upset, and-"
"Guys!" I exclaim, and they fall quiet. Professor Marth is coming down the aisle. He nods sternly as he passes, and when he's gone, Ness and Villager continue in furious whispers.
"I'm not trying to play around with his feelings," Villager hisses. "I'm just trying not to rule things out."
"But you did rule it out," Ness argues, his breathing quickening. "You've made a mistake, why can't you admit it?"
"I did! To him! I don't know why you're getting involved-"
"Because he's still sad! Look, if you like him, just date him. I know the law is shit, but that didn't stop me and Lucas-"
But Villager steps forward. "We're not you and Lucas, okay? My mother's really strict on this stuff-"
"So's my father," Ness interrupts, stepping forward as well. "It didn't stop us!"
"Well, congratulations, you're more selfless than me! But where did that get you? Kicked out of your house!"
"I'm not more selfless! Don't be-"
"GUYS!" I exclaim again, sensing Ness's anger about to reach boiling point. "Please, don't fight. Villager, maybe you should speak to Toon Link. Ness, he's right, it's not really any of our business-"
"But Toon Link's our friend!"
"Mine too!" Villager protests.
"So, why are you treating him this way?"
"Because," Villager begins loudly, and I actually have to stamp my foot to get their attention. They both fall quiet.
"Please," I say weakly. I hate seeing people argue. "Go and talk to Toon Link, Villager. Ness, let's go somewhere else. It'll be okay."
"Fine," Villager rescinds. "Where is he?"
I point toward the other end of the carriage. Claus appears, and I beckon him to join us while Villager storms toward it. I quickly find us another compartment, having to tow Ness into it by the hand. Someone's pink bag is there, and I impatiently sweep it away.
"I can't believe him," Ness starts at once. "I always thought Villager was nice! But no, he's a dick-"
"He's not a dick," I say.
"Yeah, he is! He messed around with Toon Link's feelings! Didn't you hear?"
"Yeah. I did. He's still not a dick."
Ness shakes his head in disbelief. "What if I'd messed around with your feelings? Or you with mine? It's just not fair, that's what it is."
"Please stop," I mumble. "Don't talk about him behind his back. He's our friend."
"Well, yeah, but-"
"And I hate it when you shout. It makes you sound like your father."
That gets him. Ness looks horrified suddenly, then sick, then guilty. He looks down at his feet, and I feel his temper easing again. "I'm sorry," he mutters. "I didn't think. It's just not fair, you know?"
"I know," I say. "But we might not know the whole story, and it's really none of our business. I know you're protecting a friend, but you're being too impulsive. When we're up at school with Porky, that sort of thing could get us killed."
"I guess you're right," Ness says. "I wish it wasn't so complicated for them, though. We got together just fine. Why does it have to be difficult?"
"I don't know," I say. "But Villager's right, they're different people in different situations. Villager cares more about what his family thinks of him, I guess. Nobody should have to come out if they don't want to."
"Yeah, of course," Ness says. He sounds disconsolate. "I'm really sorry. Thanks for — for setting me right, I guess."
"It's okay," I promise. "You're getting there with the anger. At least you didn't try to punch him. And, if I was the one being a dick, I hope you'd have set me right as well."
"I would've tried," Ness says. "God, I need to apologise. Where did Villager go?"
"Give them time," I say, sitting him down opposite Claus. Claus looks worried still, and I try to give him a reassuring smile. It doesn't work.
"Were Villager and Toon Link boyfriends?" he asks us.
"Erm." I look down at the table. "Well, not really-"
"They should be boyfriends," Claus says, distraught. "Like Ness and Lucas."
I'm so taken aback that I bang my knee on the table.
"You know about us?" Ness asks weakly.
"Yes." Claus looks between us with confusion. "You said many times."
"And you're okay with that?" I ask, rubbing my newly-formed bruise. "You don't mind, erm... that we're both boys?"
"Is good!" Claus says insistently. "Homo-sexual." He stammers over the word. "Home-o-sexual is not bad."
"But where did you learn that?" I ask in bewilderment.
"Inkling said it." Claus's expression turns morose. "When she was not dead."
A lump rises in my stomach.
"But," Claus says, immediately cheering up again. "Lucas has a boyfriend! Yay!"
"Yay," I echo, forcing my expression to lighten. Ness gives a kind of half-smile. The mood is thich, but with any luck, Toon Link and Villager will be talking. No need for any drama. But these hopeful thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door, and an unruly face peering in.
"What are your skinny asses doing in my compartment?" Bayonetta asks, raising an eyebrow.
Ah.
"Hiding," I admit. "Why weren't you here."
"I went to the toilet." Bayonetta saunters in, her alarming robes and ribbons swaying with her hips. "Now, now. If it's heroin you want, I can give it for a fair price. No need to steal."
"We weren't stealing heroin," Ness saya, blushing profusely. "We were hiding from our friends... there was relationship drama. Sorry."
"Ooh, relationship drama!" All of a sudden, Bayonetta looks a lot more welcoming. "Fill me in. Spill the deets!"
"Uh, it's not really any of your business," I say. Bayonetta's smile widens.
"How distinctly appalling! That is no way to talk to a woman, Lucas! Then again, I suppose you don't speak to women much... if you need lessons, I suggest you ask your mother!"
"She's dead," Ness says, folding my arms. "Don't be mean."
"Oh, mine too," Bayonetta says. "I am reclaiming grief. I'm allowed to be mean"
"What does that even mean?"
"None of your business!" Bayonetta taunts, waving us away. "Ah... maybe I shouldn't start a fight. I prefer to keep the vibes positive."
Claus frowns. "What is vibes?"
"An emotion, a state, a movement." Bayonetta flicks her long, painted fingernails at us in dismissal. "Ultimately, it's irrelevant. In fact, I've got a hot date coming soon to this very compartment, so scram, midgets!"
"Uh, I'm pretty sure your date is straight," I say, seeing a flustered-looking Paula walking toward the door.
"Oh, Lucas, heterosexuality is just a construct," Bayonetta says lavishly. "Even the straightest of women can't help but fall for me. Though, what did I say? Begone, hoes! Go and solve your relationship drama!"
We nod, rather keen to get away from Bayonetta and her hoes. Claus looks concerned as Paula enters to be vigorously chatted up, but I stear him away from the awkward flirting, looking for another compartment. Red has begun rambling about pool table measurements, and for a moment we're not sure where to go, but Villager runs to us, looking bedraggled.
"Toon Link's gone!" he exclaims, gasping for breath.
"What? What do you mean?"
"I can't find him." Villager wrings his hands. "I looked in every compartment, but he's not there! Did you see where he went?"
"He went... away," Claus says vaguely. "You did shouting, and he was sad."
"Damnit!" Villager exclaims. "Shit, shit — what have I done?"
"He has to be here somewhere," I say, though Villager's hysteria is beginning to make me panic. "Come on, let's search! Where did you last see him?"
But that question doesn't need answering. We've all seen it. Ahead of us, the train's skylight is hanging open, the sun above shining through. Villager lets out a long, horrified groan.
"I thought he was kidding," he says weakly. "Please tell me he's not really that stupid."
"What do you mean?" I ask, alarmed.
"He asked me what I'd do if he got on the roof. God above, that idiot! Come on, we have to climb!"
"But the train's moving, it's not safe!"
"I don't care, Toon Link's up there!" Driven by panic, Villager tries to scramble toward the skylight, and Ness follows, helping him up. There's nothing else to be done. "Lucas, you're the lightest," Villager says shakily. "Will you be able to fit through?"
"Me?" The wind rushing outside is alarmingly loud, and smoke is beginning to pour through the skylight. "I guess so, but are you sure he's there?"
"Yes! Come on!"
I've never seen Villager this manic. In an instant, he and Ness grab my legs, lifting me up, and I have to fight back the urge to struggle. The skylight's frame is right there, but I can't quite reach it. I inhale a mouthful of smoke, coughing.
"Careful!" I call as Claus joins the effort. I feel myself elevating, hearing the wind getting louder — this is stupid, this is utterly insane — and I try to pull myself upwards, but I'm not nearly strong enough. My breathing starts to quicken with fear.
"It's not working!" Villager shouts. "Someone get Pit, we need help!"
Ness runs off. Pain tears through my arms as I try again, the wind billowing my hair. I think of Toon Link, and the horrible thought of danger becomes motivating. Ness runs back with Pit, who's much taller than the rest of them, and then I feel myself rising toward the roof, my grip tightening on the frame.
"Lucas is coming!" Villager shouts in the background. "I'm sorry, Toon Link! Just come down from there, it'll be okay!"
"Yeah!" Ness exclaims. "I didn't mean to start a fight! Please, we need you!"
But any reply is masked by the screaming wind. I push my shoulders through the hole, everything getting louder, brighter. The countryside rushes by around me. The train's roof is curved, a deadly slide to the tracks below.
"Is he there?" Villager calls desperately.
"I can't see him!" I call back. "I need to get higher!"
The others boost me up a little more, and my torso ascends. I try to haul myself up further, but my arms shake from the force, and from the fear of falling. The train veers around a corner, and I grip tighter, my eyes streaming through the smoke.
"Toon Link?" I yell. "Are you there?"
"He might be behind the chimney!" Villager cries below me.
I push myself higher, trying to see behind the column of steam. My hands are bitterly cold. I give a final shove, toppling through the skylight with a grunt, and I feel myself slipping — panic soars through me — I wildly grab for a metal bar, holding on for all I'm worth-
"Lucas!" Ness exclaims.
"I'm alright!" I gasp, my voice shrill. Seized by determination, I grip the bar tighter, looking wildly across the train's roof. Ice cold winds tear at my clothes. I cough, my eyes burning, but I can't make out any people.
There's nobody here.
My heart sinks.
Ness's head bursts through the skylight. His hair billows behind him. I desperately reach out, grabbing for his hand, and he pulls himself through, swinging toward me. But abruptly, the train rocks, and I madly try to keep my balance as it races forward.
"Get back inside!" I exclaim, but Ness doesn't hear.
"Where is he?" he gasps. "Is he safe?"
"He's not here!"
"What? I can't hear you!"
"I said, he's not here!"
"Toon Link?" Villager cries desperately, appearing, and I panic. Ness reaches for him, trying to send him back down, but Villager pulls himself through, scrambling like a maniac. The carriage creaks. Villager slips. Ness screams, grabbing his arm, and I haul him away from the slope, blind with terror as Villager shouts for all he's worth.
"Toon Link! I'm here! Please, please-"
"Villager, we have to go back down!" I shout. "It's not safe, Toon Link's not here!"
"He must be here! He has to be!" In his panic, Villager tries to stand, and I'm forced to grab his shoulder.
"He's not! This is insane! We need to-"
"GUYS!" interrupts a scream from below. "WATCH, IT'S A-"
The voice is cut off by a blaring horn. Ness grabs me as I start to slip. Villager throws his head down the skylight.
"WHAT?"
"-A TUNNEL!"
I turn. There it is, a great, black mouth. It speeds towards us.
If we hit it, we'll be crushed.
"GET DOWN!" I scream, pushing Ness toward the skylight. He flails, letting go of his bar. Villager dives through, and I force myself against the roof.
"Lucas!" Ness cries, and suddenly he's sliding away, and I'm grabbing him, trying frantically not to let him fall. The tunnel rushes nearer. The horn blares again. Thinking fast, I give a frantic yank, and Ness grabs the bar, but then I'm slipping-
"Ness!" I cry out again. He tugs at me, our hands tightly joined. His face is red with strain, hair blustering in all directions. My heart pounds as I look at him. This might be the last time I ever see that face.
"QUICK!" Pit yells.
It's now or never. Ness dives for the skylight, and my heart enters my throat. The cold rushes against my hair, and I push off the bar, flailing, hoping that my aim is true. The tracks rattle. Memories flash part me. Colours dissolve. I'm falling, but I can't see, everything is too loud.
The train screams, plunging into midnight black.
.
.
.
.
.
And I shout, falling into Claus's strong arms.
"Lucas!" comes a voice. "Ness! Villager!"
I turn, dizzy.
A blonde boy stares at us, utterly aghast. It's Toon Link.
"What the hell are you doing?" he says. I weakly grab for him, but I can't feel my fingers.
He tumbles into the background, and it all fades to black.
.
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I wake up sprawled on a seat.
"...And standard pool cues are fifty-seven inches," Red is saying in the distance. "Generally, most players prefer an 8mm to 8.5mm tip for a 1 & 7/8 pool cue ball..."
The train is smothered in daylight, and I find myself rapidly blinking. Ness is nearby, a feeble arm over my shoulder. The roar of the wind is gone.
"I can't believe you thought I'd go out there," Toon Link says, sounding hurt. "I'm reckless, but I'm not stupid!"
"Then where were you?" Villager asks. "We couldn't find you anywhere!"
I blearily try to make them out. Claus is on my other side, and he smiles at me when he sees I'm awake.
"I was under a seat," Toon Link protests. "Bowser came in, and he was after me. I had no other choice."
"Claus said you ran away. You could've at least told him where you were going-"
"Says you, you climbed on the roof! You could've died up there!"
"Only because of what you were saying yesterday!" Villager shakes his head. "Look, I'm glad you're alive. Sorry that we were stupid, but I had to make sure. We saw the open skylight and freaked out."
"Yeah," Pit chips in. "I think you've all messed up today. Except for Claus. And me, actually." Pit looks momentarily pleased with himself. "But Ness, you started an argument, Lucas, you decided to become an ambassador, and Red, none of us actually like pool... Then, Toon Link, you spread gossip, and Villager, you really upset your friends. If we're going to be taking down the most evil man in the world — and avenging my brother — we need to be cleverer than this."
I hang my head in shame.
"But it's going to be okay," Pit continues. "We're a good team, and we all make mistakes. We're nearly adults. We can forgive, forget, and move on with things, right?"
"Right," Ness says. "Sorry, Villager. I didn't mean to get so angry."
"Me neither," Villager says. "And I was stupid, so insensitive. And selfish, with Toon Link. You both had every right to be angry with me. I'm sorry."
But Toon Link looks puzzled suddenly. "I wasn't angry with you. Why would I be? I thought I said, it's okay for you to take time to work things out."
"Well, Lucas said-" Villager begins, but Pit clears his throat.
"I think there have been a lot of misunderstandings," he says calmly. "Let's not worry about that, okay? Look, Villager was insensitive, but, Ness, Lucas, they're on good terms now. There isn't any need to get involved."
"Okay," I say. "Sorry."
Ness nods his agreement.
"It's not your fault," Toon Link says glumly. "I explained it badly because I was feeling down."
"Which is understandable," Pit says, leaning across the table. "Let's just stop blaming ourselves for things. I know from experience how badly that turns out."
"Alright," Toon Link replies, and he gives a half-hearted smile. "No more self-deprecation. Got it."
.
.
~~o00o~~
(Epilogue: Toon Link)
~~o00o~~
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.
When we've finally all agreed to be friends again, it's time for lunch. Villager comes to sit with me in a compartment, but as I slowly chew on my cheese and pickle sandwich, I'm not entirely sure what to say.
"I told you I'd climb on the roof for you," Villager says quietly. From across the table, I give a nervous grin.
"Aren't you supposed to be slapping me? Or killing me? That's what you promised."
"Given you weren't actually up there, I'd say you got away with it," Villager says, smiling, but he awkwardly rubs his arm. "Look, I'm really sorry about everything. I shouldn't have told you to move on from me. And, my mother, you're right. She's not here now. Her thoughts shouldn't matter."
"But they do," I murmur. "If she's going to kick you out of your house for being gay, then that absolutely matters. To me."
Villager frowns, and I look up at him. My stomach turns at his expression. It's a familiar feeling, but I suppose it's something I need to get rid of. The idea makes me sad.
"We're possibly going to our deaths," Villager murmurs. "These things might not be important for much longer. God knows what Porky's doing, but I'm scared of it, and I don't want to waste my time on things that don't make me happy."
"But what makes you happy?" I ask. "Doesn't your mother's approval make you happy? Does this mean climbing on the roof made you happy?"
"No!" Villager laughs. "Godammit, Toon Link. What I'm trying to say is: I've changed my mind."
My mouth opens in surprise.
"About everything," Villager says. "Mother's not here to tell me what to do. Nobody's about to go back and tell her what I'm up to. And I do like you, I'm pretty sure I know that for certain." He leans on the table, looking slightly guilty. "So... you know. That probably changes things, right?"
"What sort of things?" I ask, quiet.
He gives me a gentle smile, taking my hand in his. "Isn't it obvious? I want to give it a go. Give us a go. If I've not messed up too much already, and if you're still up for it. I want to try some things out."
"Well... I think Doctor Mario gives out free condoms," I say, reddening, and Villager laughs.
"Not those kinds of things! Although, maybe. We'll see."
"I-"
"But, yeah," he says, squeezing my hand. "Long story short, you're more important to me than my mother. It's up to you what you do with that information."
"Does this mean we can be boyfriends?" I ask weakly.
"Well, maybe that's a little far." Villager smiles, and my stomach does a cartwheel. "We've not even gone on a date yet. I could die in battle. And you could turn out to be a terrible kisser."
"But we kissed already!"
"It could've been beginner's luck. You never know."
"So, you admit you liked it?"
Villager laughs. "I'll never admit it. Ever. You've got a lot to learn about me, Toon Link."
"Oh, yeah?" I raise my eyebrow. "I bet I can make you admit it. Maybe you've got a lot to learn about yourself."
"Is that so?"
"You'd better believe it's so."
"I look forward to it," Villager says simply.
I meet his eyes again, blushing. He looks ridiculously pretty all of a sudden, prettier than he ever has. Our cheese and pickle sandwiches lay forgotten at the end of the table, and I have a funny feeling we'll be too busy eating each other's faces to finish them.
"So, if we're not boyfriends, what are we?" I ask.
Villager shrugs. "Friends with benefits?"
I cackle. "No, that makes us sound desperately horny. How about mutually exclusive?"
"Too wordy. Do we need a label at all?"
"I don't think so," I say, and Villager smiles, leaning his head on his shoulder.
"Then, that sounds good to me."