Everyone leaves. At the end of the day everyone I have ever cared about has left. That is the common trend- Dean left when he thought that I didn't love him back, then came back twice only to leave again when he thought he didn't "fit". Jess just straight up left, no note, no call, no goodbye- just disappeared. Dad left and chose to be a father to Gigi over me. Grandma left Grandpa for a time- albeit not permanently. Paris left me when I became editor, although again not permanent. Mom chose Dad, and thus severing my relationship with both them and my half sister. Logan left after my graduation- taking his golden ticket to California with him.
Logan left.
I never thought he would leave, out of the list of people in my head he was never on the list for ones who would leave. I understand why he went and I understand that he needed to go, I just thought that we had time. When Logan left, so did our - his - friends. Colin and Finn don't call anymore. I saw them a few weeks ago in New York. I had walked into a coffee shop and walked right into Colin McRae's back. He pretended he didn't know me and then abruptly left leaving a confused and slightly drunk Finn stumbling in his wake. That hurt, but I guess I can understand- I turned down their best friend.
I didn't bother ordering, just turned and walked right out of the coffee shop vowing never to return to that damn place again. When I got back to my apartment that afternoon I went into overdrive. Grabbing boxes and suitcases- throwing things into the closest receptacle. New York was too small, running into Colin and Finn had shown me that I needed out. I ripped clothing off of hangers and shoes from their racks. Packing only the essentials that would fit into my Prius.
Two hours later my apartment looked like it had been ransacked- and yet I felt relieved. Rory Gilmore was going to start over.
Rory Gilmore was not going to be left this time, because Rory Gilmore would be the one to do the leaving.
Surveying the apartment one last time I walked to the bookshelves making sure I grabbed the important books and special editions Grandpa had given me that could not be replaced. I passed picture frames with meaningless images of my mom and dad, I grabbed the frame of Grandpa and I at the vowel renewal and tucked it into my purse. Sweeping over the room I made my way to my bedroom and stopped at the door.
The rocket, the one thing I couldn't decide whether or not to take or leave. True undying love, that's what he told me it meant. Making my way over to my bed I gently sit on the naked mattress, the sheets having been folded and put into a box, and picked up the rocket.
"To my Ace, may you always remember just how much I love you."
I brushed a tear from my cheek and stood with the rocket in hand and made my way to the door. Five boxes and two suitcases, shifts up and down to the parking garage and then finally back to lock the door. Stopping for a second I took it all in, it was a shitty apartment- worse than the one Paris and I had at Yale. It was in a seedy section of New York, there wasn't any laundry and the kitchen was a sink and stove. And yet it was home for a year- it was the first home she had built for herself without the help of anyone else.
Pulling out her phone she sent off one message before she would close this chapter of her life; I'm leaving New York, I don't know where I'm going or if I will come back. I want you to know that I love you and that I will call and write. Once I get to wherever I am going I'll let you know- maybe you can come visit. I just need this, I'm not doing alright anymore and there is too much here, too many memories and I can't do it. I'll go crazy if I stay and I am sorry that I am disappointing you. I just need you to know that this is me doing this and no one else. I love you
She sent the message and locked her phone. She loaded the last box in her trunk and sat herself in the driver's seat. Her phone pinged with a new message.
Grandpa: Call me when you get settled and I will be with you in a flash. I'll hold down the fort here. I love you Rory, be safe.