Disclaimer – Isn't mine
Chapter 8 – The Killing Curse
Harry was on a high all day; his reprieve from being locked away in Grimmauld Place keeping the smile on his face almost permanently. The only times it dropped was when he did indeed sleep through History of Magic and when he went one on one in a verbal spar with Snape in Potions that had both the Slytherins and Gryffindors staring incredulously at him. And it was definitely Snape, not a trace of Severus even remained. Harry got what he wanted though.
Detention.
For three nights.
Unfortunately he also lost Gryffindor almost fifty points but, he didn't really care all that much and besides, they were used to it. Ron was heard to say afterwards that he was proud of Harry for sticking up for Hermione and not allowing the snarky git to besmirch his girlfriend's name. Harry of course, had just raised an eyebrow at him.
'Why didn't you just defend her, if you were so worried?' He asked sarcastically
Ron gave him a smug grin as they headed towards the great hall. 'Why bother.' He said with a shrug. 'You're so good at it now. And you seem to enjoy it so much.' He added.
Harry smirked. 'It does piss him off nicely, doesn't it?' He chuckled, Ron and Hermione laughing in amusement.
Harry managed to eat most of what he put on his plate and as Ron and Hermione chatted and laughed and joked as they finished their own meals he inwardly began preparing himself for what was to come.
He caught the headmaster's eye and nodded in understanding at the signal he was given. He was to remain behind. As students got up to return to their dormitories or the library, Harry remained. Hermione and Ron waved him goodbye telling him they would see him later. Harry just nodded and when eventually the room emptied out leaving just Harry and his teachers, he stood stiffly and walked determinedly towards the head table stopping at attention before the headmaster.
'I trust you won't disappoint me this time, Harry.' Dumbledore said evenly.
'No, Sir.' Harry answered confidently.
Dumbledore gave him a calculating look. 'Very well. We will meet you in the training room in fifteen minutes.'
Harry nodded and spun on his heel and walked swiftly from the hall, knowing he would need every minute of his allocated quarter hour.
Harry waited, standing silently, sword dangling by his side as he reached out with his senses. He knew they would Portkey in. It was the one way they could all arrive together without getting caught in the doorway which would provide Harry an advantage, tagging each one as they came through.
Little did they know.
Sure enough less than ten seconds later he felt a shift as they arrived and immediately brought the sword up in front of him, deflecting the Tormentia Dumbledore instantaneously threw at him as he side stepped another.
It was a turn around that, almost two hours later, had all but Severus gaping at him in astonishment. Harry used the sword to not only deflect curses and hexes sent his way but to absorb them and send them back even stronger than before.
None of the adults held back and neither did Harry. Sweat was pouring off him as he dueled Kingsley with the sword and kept up a battery of curses and hexes pinning the other five down in various corners of the room. It took another hour but by then Harry was standing in the middle of the room, breathing heavily, leaning on his sword with his left arm hanging at an unnatural angle.
And six wands held tightly in his hand.
No one said anything. No one moved. For several minutes Harry's harsh breathing was the only thing to be heard but eventually sharp clapping rang out, beginning with Moody and continuing until all, even Dumbledore, were applauding the Boy-Who-Lived's accomplishment.
Eventually Harry's breathing slowed and he crossed the room the place the sword on the windowsill. He raised his hand, opening his fingers and one by one his teachers called their wands back to them.
Snape immediately raised his, murmuring softly, and Harry winced as his shoulder knitted back together.
'Well done, my boy.' Dumbledore said cheerfully, a complete turnaround from his demeanor of that morning. 'After that, I trust there will not be a repeat of yesterday. After all, we now know what you're really capable of.'
Harry mentally smacked himself. He really shouldn't have set the bar so high, but he couldn't stand the thought of failing again and the consequences of such failure.
'Thank you, Sir.' He responded politely.
'Potter, where did you learn to use the sword?' Kingsley asked curiously.
Harry sighed. 'I taught myself over the summer. I couldn't use magic and one of the books Snape left was on non magical forms of fighting. I used an iron bar as the sword but it was kind of heavy. It's much easier with the real thing.' He said innocently.
Moody and Shacklebolt nodded as if this made perfect sense and a look of pride flashed in Severus' eyes for just an instant.
'Will that be all, Sir?' Harry asked the headmaster hopefully.
Dumbledore, who had been staring at Harry in calculation, shook his head. 'Not just yet, Harry. I want to work on something else before I release you for the night.'
Harry cocked his head to the side. 'Of course, Professor.' He said, unable to hide the curiosity in his voice.
Dumbledore reached into his robes and drew out a vial holding it up to the light. Harry froze and his eyes widened comically. 'Sir?' he breathed.
'Your magic can be trained, Harry; just as your body can be trained. You need to learn to resist not just curses and hexes but poisons as well. As a Sorcerer you can train your magic to expel poisons and such like. I want you to drink half of this. It's not enough to kill you but it will be uncomfortable.'
'Uncomfortable?' Harry snapped incredulously, unable to help himself. The potion was one he had brewed himself, designed to eat through the stomach lining of the drinker. It was a slow and painful way to die.
'Albus, I'm not sure.' Flitwick began to squeak but his words were halted at a look from the headmaster.
Harry glanced around at his other teachers. Flitwick looked almost horrified, Lupin, Moody and Shacklebolt also looked as if they wished to protest but were restraining themselves and Severus' face was decidedly impassive. As Harry caught his eye the potions master glanced down and Harry noticed the tiniest glint of a vial hidden tightly in his hand. Harry opened his mouth and Dumbledore's eyes hardened expecting the boy to refuse.
'Only half?' Harry questioned tentatively.
Dumbledore nodded, a steely glint shining in his eyes that made Harry decidedly nervous. He wondered idly whether if he had refused would the old man have just force feed it to him anyway.
Harry's hands were shaking as he reached for the vial and he took a deep breath before raising it to his lips; being very careful to only drink half of it.
It took less than a minute before a burning sensation started in his stomach. He struggled not to show any emotion but sweat sprung up on his forehead.
'Concentrate, Harry.' Dumbledore said firmly. 'Push past the pain and concentrate on neutralising the ingredients in the poison.'
Another wave of pain swept through him and he dropped the half empty vial on the floor as his fists clenched tightly.
'Harry, look at me.' Dumbledore commanded. 'Your magic is responding to the poison incorrectly. Encapsulate it and neutralise it.'
Harry tried. He could feel it working through him. His abdomen was on fire and he felt as if he was going to throw up his entire stomach.
'Harry.' Dumbledore said again but Harry shook his head, dropping to his knees with a guttural moan and clasping his arms tightly around his waist as if the action alone would take the pain away.
The pain was excruciating and Harry bit right through his lip as he tried to stop himself from crying out. Blood poured down his chin and he curled forward, not stopping until his burning forehead was resting on the cool stone. Sweat broke out across his body as his magic struggled to contain the poison. He felt something give way and couldn't help but cry out.
'Maybe the boy isn't quite ready yet.' Snape said quietly.
Dumbledore hesitated. 'Just a few more minutes.' He said firmly.
Harry whimpered softly managing to partially sit back up but moments later he threw up a pool of blood at the headmaster's feet.
'Albus.' Shacklebolt said imploringly.
'Can you do it, Harry?' Dumbledore asked. 'Are you strong enough to expel the poison on your own or do you need help like a little boy.'
'I...I'm trying.' Harry gasped.
'Try harder.' Dumbledore actually growled.
Harry's response was drowned out by another flood of blood that spewed forth from his mouth and nose.
'Albus, enough. It's going to take time to build up his tolerance.' Lupin tried to make the headmaster see reason but his words were edged sharply in what almost sounded like fear.
Dumbledore waited another few moments before nodding. 'Fine. Severus, go ahead.'
Severus stalked forward, grasping Harry's hair and yanking his head back before dumping the contents of the vial that had been in his hand into Harry's mouth, taking care not to step into the glistening red pool on the ground before him.
Harry threw up one last time, this time a murky black mixture that was obviously the residual of the poison, before groaning softly.
'I'm sorry, Sir.' He whispered as he struggled like and ungainly foal to get to his feet. He staggered sideways but finally managed to stand still and raise his head.
Severus didn't think he ever wanted to kill someone as much as he wished to at that moment. His wand twitched unnoticed in his hand towards the headmaster's back. Harry's eyes were still glazed with pain, his entire body shuddering as blood continued trickling from his nose. His deathly pale skin only highlighted the vivid red blood that covered his nose, mouth, chin and neck and the responding expression on the headmaster's face showed that the stunning dueling display of earlier had been forgotten and once again Harry had failed to live up to the man's impossible expectations.
Dumbledore must have seen something in the other's expressions as he quickly rearranged his face into a more agreeable one and gave Harry a smile.
'It's alright, dear boy.' he said kindly. 'We'll try it again next week.'
'Maybe a smaller dose to begin with, Headmaster.' Snape said silkily, sneering at Harry. 'The boy obviously can't cope with so much all at once.'
'I'd like to see you drink it.' Harry muttered hoarsely.
Dumbledore's eyes narrowed again.
'Sorry.' Harry whispered.
'I think that's enough for tonight. Severus, if you could escort Harry back to Gryffindor Tower. I will see you all tomorrow. Remus, Kingsley, if you could come with me. I have a task for you.'
They all slowly filed from the room, Harry keeping just a step behind the potions master as would be expected. Normally he would have hated the subjugated position but this time he just appreciated the view. As if knowing what he was thinking Severus slowed his steps until he was walking side by side with the Boy-Who-Lived.
'I'm proud of you, Harry.' He murmured at barely about a whisper.
'Thanks.' Harry whispered, his voice still raw.
They stopped outside the portrait of the Fat Lady. 'Be careful what you eat for the next few days, Potter. You're going to be tender for some time.'
'Yes, Professor.' Harry said meekly before giving the password and stepping through to the tower.
Thankfully everyone else was asleep however both Ron and Hermione were on the sofa instead of their dorms. He shook Hermione's shoulder gently.
'Hermione, Ron, wake up.' He whispered.
'Harry?' Ron said blearily.
'Harry, what on earth?' Hermione's voice was shrill.
'Shhh. It's nothing, just go to bed.'
'What happened?'
'Nothing, just leave it. I'm going to have a shower.' Harry quickly climbed the stairs leaving them no time to say anything else. He spent a long time standing under the shower, cleaning off the blood that had somehow managed to get itself everywhere, even in his hair, before pulling on some soft pyjamas and climbing into bed.
The next morning Harry was slowly eating his way through a bowl of custard much to the curiosity, if not disgust of the Gryffindors around him, when Snape stalked up to the table, stopping directly behind the Boy-Who-Lived and clamping a hand down on his shoulder.
'Potter.' He barked and Harry jumped and turned.
'Yes, Professor.'
Snape all but threw a piece of parchment at him. 'Times and places for your detentions with me. I know you have other...activities...of an evening so I have seen fit to reschedule your detentions during your lunch.' He glanced down at Harry's breakfast and arched an eyebrow. 'At least your classmates might actually be able to eat without having to look at that revolting mess. Do not be late.'
The potions master spun on his heel and stalked up to the head table as Harry lowered his into his hands and sighed before looking up.
'Great.' He mumbled, standing and grabbing his bag.
'Don't worry mate, we'll grab you some food and you can eat it during Defense. I'm sure Moody won't mind. He knows what a git Snape is.' Ron said cheerfully as they all got up and headed out of the hall.
'Yes, I do.' Came a gruff voice from behind them. 'But unfortunately for you, Potter. You have an appointment at lunch with Lupin and Shacklebolt. Dumbledore said you would know where. I will alert Severus that he must reschedule his detention for tomorrow.'
'Yes Sir.' Harry replied, waiting until the DADA Professor walked away down the corridor before turning and punching the stone wall beside him in anger.
'Fucking hell.' He swore.
'Harry!' Hermione exclaimed.
'Temper, temper.' Draco drawled as he came to a stop beside the Gryffindors. 'What's wrong, Potty? Did the wall say nasty things about you? Or was it Moody? Can't he hold your hand in DADA anymore?'
Harry's eyes narrowed. 'For your information, Malfoy. I don't have to go to DADA with Moody, I have an appointment with Lupin and Shacklebolt in a place you wouldn't even dream of going.'
Draco was silent for a moment and then blinked, showing Harry that he knew exactly what the Gryffindor was saying. 'Oh of course, more special treatment for Saint Potter.' He drawled sarcastically.
'Sod off, Malfoy.' Harry growled, turning away and stalking towards the Transfiguration classroom his friends hurrying behind him.
'Mr Potter, what on earth happened to you?' McGonagall asked the moment they stepped into the classroom. It was at that point he noticed his bruise and bleeding appendage.
'Oh, I ran into something.' Harry shrugged.
'With your hand?'
'Yes.' Harry's blunt response startled the older woman giving Harry time to cross the classroom, dump his bag on the desk and pull out a vial which he uncorked and upended over his hand. The rest of the class, who had all arrived by that point, watched in stunned silence as Harry placed his other hand over the cuts and pressed hard, murmuring softly under his breath. When he pulled his hand away both the potion and the cuts were gone. Harry put the empty vial away and took out his books before sitting down in his seat.
It was at this point he noticed everyone staring at him and just rolled his eyes, cracking open the book and beginning to read.
'Yes, well, if you'll all take your seats, we will begin the lesson. Ten points to Gryffindor for that startling display, Mr Potter.' McGonagall flustered voice didn't seem to penetrate Harry's head as he just continued to read. It wasn't until she smacked her wand down loudly on his desk that Harry looked up.
'Mr Potter, can you please tell me the incantation and required wand movement for human transfiguration?'
Harry sighed inwardly but responded correctly and McGonagall left him alone.
Harry pulled out his wand and cast an Obscuring charm on himself before climbing through the trapdoor and into the Shrieking Shack. In spite of the bright day outside it was dark and gloomy. The trapdoor slammed shut behind him showing him that they knew he was there. He mentally smacked himself for not check for silent alarms or triggers.
'Potter.' Shacklebolt stepped out of the nearby room. 'Get rid of that obscuring charm and give me your wand.'
Harry sighed; he'd been hoping to sneak up on his teachers. He cancelled the spell and handed the Auror his wand.
'Follow me.'
Harry silently trailed behind the older wizard, coming into the main sitting room which had been cleared of all furniture and where Lupin was waiting with several boxes.
'What are we doing today?' Harry asked curiously.
Shacklebolt didn't answer as he placed the tip of Harry's wand against his own and murmured softly watching it glow with satisfaction before handing it back.
'I had to take the Ministry tracer off it.' The Auror explained at Harry's questioning look.
Harry frowned. 'I'm of age, at school, it shouldn't have a tracer on it.'
Shacklebolt shrugged. 'You're Harry Potter.' He said bluntly as if that explained everything. Which when Harry thought about it, it actually did.
Harry just grunted, clearly showing his thoughts on the matter even if it wasn't spoken out loud.
Lupin gave Harry a smile and reached into the smallest box, lifting out a jar containing a spider and enlarging in before placing it in an area that obviously had containment spells around it on the floor.
'Avada Kedavra, Potter. Say it.' Shacklebolt commanded.
Harry's eyes widened. 'Avada Kedavra.' He whispered.
'Like you mean it, Potter.' The Auror's wand shot sideways. 'Avada Kedavra.' He growled and the spider crumpled to a ball on the floor. Lupin didn't turn a hair, instead reaching in to another box and pulling out another.
'Go ahead, Harry.' Lupin said softly.
Harry raised his wand, the shaking of his hand clearly visible. 'Avada Kedavra.' He murmured. The green light shot from his wand but faded just before the spell reached the spider.
'Again.' Shacklebolt snapped and Harry raised his wand.
This went on for well over four hours. It took over half that for Harry to even manage to put enough into the curse to kill the creature. The ground was littered with different types of spider when eventually Lupin reached into the last box and pulled out a fluffy golden bundle and placed it in amongst the dead spiders.
The Golden Retriever puppy looked up at Harry, sorrowful brown eyes blinking as if stunned.
'Go on, Potter.' Shacklebolt told him.
Harry looked between the Auror and the puppy in horror. 'You can't be serious. It's just a puppy.'
'The spiders were just spiders but you had no problems there.' Shacklebolt said firmly. 'Just do it, Potter.'
'I...I can't.' Harry stammered, his eyes riveted to the dog's.
Shacklebolt hissed in frustration. 'I told you he wouldn't, Remus. Go get Albus.'
Harry snapped out of his daze. 'No...No wait.' He cried. 'I'll do it.' He added raising his wand. 'Avada...Avada...'
Lupin sighed and headed towards the door.
'AVADA KEDAVRA.' Harry cried, his eyes squeezed tightly closed as the dog's sad eyes were replaced, in Harry's mind at least, by twinkling blue. Practically the entire room had been bathed in green light and when it faded Harry saw the puppy had been thrown clear across the room.
'Oh god, oh dear god.' Harry gasped, his eyes wide as his knees crumpled beneath him.
'Potter, get up.'
'No, no, no, no.' Harry whispered over and over, unable to tear his eyes away from the now dead animal. 'What have I done?'
'It's just a dog, Potter. Stop being such a child.'
'I am a child.' Harry cried his green eyes filled with pain. 'Can't you see this is doing to me? I can't just kill on command. I can't kill just anything. Just Him. Only Him.' He buried his head in his hands refusing any and all attempts to get him to look up.
'Potter, we shall be returning to the castle and I expect to see you in the great hall within the hour. Is that clear?' Shacklebolt's voice was gruff.
Harry didn't respond and Lupin bent down placing a hand on Harry's shoulder. 'Harry, it's alright to be upset but you had to learn. You had to know how it felt to throw such a curse.'
Harry shrugged the werewolf's arm off his shoulder. 'I'm sure I'll be throwing it at innocent people and animals all the time.' He muttered tearfully into his hands.
'Potter.'
'Go away.' Harry sobbed. 'I'll be back on time like a good boy, just please, leave me alone.'
Lupin and Shacklebolt exchanged glances before silently leaving the room. 'One hour, Potter, not a minute longer.'
Harry's only response was to sob harder surrounded by the dead bodies of the creatures he had killed.
How long he sat there, tears streaming down his cheeks, his face stubbornly buried in his hands so he didn't have to look at what he'd done, he couldn't have told you but it didn't seem all that long before he felt someone kneel beside him and slide familiar arms around his waist tugging him gently against a firm chest.
Harry turned and buried his head in the black robes, sobbing as though his heart was breaking.
'Shhh, Leo. It'll be alright.' Severus murmured.
'How...how did you know?' Harry stammered.
'Draco.'
'Sev, I can't...I can't do this. It's only been a couple of days and I can't stand it anymore. How am I going to last the rest of the year.' Harry whispered.
'If you think you can't, just go, Leo. You are the master of your own fate remember?'
Harry's thin arms slipped around the other man's shoulder and tearful green eyes met black. 'Would you come with me?' he pleaded.
Severus shook his head. 'You know I cannot. My task is to keep an eye on the old man. I cannot fail or it puts all we have worked for in jeopardy.'
'I love you, Sev.' Harry whispered.
Severus traced a finger down Harry's cheek before cupping Harry's chin and sweeping his lips over the younger man's. 'As do I, Leo.' He murmured before kissing him again.
They sat in silence just holding each other for quite some time. No words were needed. Eventually Snape lifted his head from its place atop Harry's and gently carded his fingers through the messy black hair. 'You should get going. You have only fifteen minutes before Dumbledore sends out a search party for you.'
Harry sighed but picked himself up off the floor holding out a hand and pulling his lover up beside him. Severus raised an eyebrow thoughtfully. 'Have you looked at that parchment I gave you this morning?'
Harry shook his head. 'No, haven't really had time, besides it's not as if it's going to be a great read.' He said sarcastically.
Severus smirked at him. 'You'd be surprised.' He murmured. 'Now get going.'
Harry stood on tiptoes, placing a chaste kiss on the potions master's lips before turning and hurrying back through the trapdoor.
Harry hurried into the hall, glancing up at the head table to see Shacklebolt glancing up at his watch. The Auror gave Harry a pointed look and Harry shrugged and held up three fingers. He was only three minutes late after all. He watched as Shacklebolt glanced at Dumbledore and knew he was going to pay for that little display of disrespect but he found himself almost unable to care. Without the calming presence of his lover the enormity of what he had done over the previous five hours had returned with a vengeance. He found it almost impossible to rid himself of the metal picture of the retriever puppy, blasted halfway across the room, liquid brown eyes staring. He shuddered and shook his head as he sat down beside Hermione.
'Harry?'
'I'm fine.' Harry swallowed heavily.
Hermione raised an eyebrow but didn't push it. Ron just looked at his friend curiously as he heaped mashed potato onto his plate.
Harry just sat quietly as those around them began eating, not answering any questions. When he felt blue eyes one him he reached for a bread roll and tore a tiny piece off and put it in his mouth. This action seemed to satisfy the headmaster who turned away again. Harry spat the piece of bread into his napkin and contented himself with just tearing tiny pieces off the roll and dropping them on his plate. There was no way he could even contemplate actually swallowing anything.
As he sat there he suddenly wondered why it was he actually stayed in school. He didn't feel normal, in spite of what he had said during the summer. He didn't feel anything close to normal. He supposed that if he was a Grimmauld Place he could train at regular hours of the day instead of being yanked out of bed, class and anywhere else the headmaster deemed necessary.
It was at that point that Snape swept into the hall and Harry realised the real reason he was desperate to stay at the school. He knew he would be lucky to see the older man more than a few times a week if he wasn't here and they certainly wouldn't have any opportunity to be alone.
And it was at that point that Harry vowed he would do anything to stay at Hogwarts. Drink poison, miss classes, sleep and Quidditch, put up with injury and pain. Anything. As long as he could see his lover at least once a day, even from a distance. The revelation that he had to even make such a choice made him angry and he stood abruptly.
'Harry?' Hermione's eyes widened.
'I'm going to get some sleep while I can.' Harry snapped, turning on his heel and storming from the hall.
Dumbledore watched him go with an impassive expression.
'Albus, do you want me to go after him?' Lupin asked quietly.
Dumbledore shook his head. 'No, Remus, he's not going anywhere.' He added knowingly. And unfortunately he was right. Although not for the reasons he suspected.
Harry, having managed to calm himself on the way back to the tower, stripped off his robes and climbed into bed, spelling his curtains closed before opening the piece of parchment Severus had dropped on his plate at breakfast.
Harry,
Are you alright? I felt you crying out last night. Severus informs me that things didn't go as well as we'd hoped upon your return to the castle. I hope it has improved but going by last night I believe that wish to be unfulfilled. Take heart, Harry and remember we are all here for you, no matter how bad it gets. Lucius sends his regards as well.
Be careful, Harry, please,
Tom
Harry smiled, a feeling of warmth running through him. They were still there for him. Whenever he thought about the past summer and all that had happened he couldn't help but feel a small amount of fear. Not the fear that Dumbledore would find out. No, that was a different fear altogether. This was a fear that Tom Riddle would change his mind. That the Dark Lord would go back to hunting him and he would have to kill the older wizard. After what had happened over the summer, Harry wasn't sure he could. And he dearly hoped he would never have to find out.
He reread the letter several times before burning it, slumping back into his bed as he heard the door to the dormitory open and the other boy file in. Harry ignored the soft chattering and closed his eyes. He hoped to get as much sleep as he could just in case. There was never any pattern to the nighttime awakenings, only that they happened with alarming regularity. He sent a silent prayer to whoever was supposed to be watching over him, letting them know that although they didn't seem to be doing all that good a job he would forgive them if they just let him get a good night's sleep. With that last thought he finally drifted off to sleep.