AUTHOR'S NOTE: Not much to say, other than the next three chapters are all connected. Really, I don't have much more to say.

Oh, and by-the-by, this chapter contains what I personally think is the funniest line in this entire fanfic. See if you can spot it-if you can, a silver hotdog will be awarded to you.

Legal Disclaimer and Crap: I do not own the Raccoons….Blah blah blah. I will now take this opportunity to share my opinions on the actual Raccoons specials that aired before the actual show itself began. On their own, they're perfectly fine and somewhat cute. When taken with the rest of the show, however, they do not really fit in with the actual show at all. "Let's Dance!" obviously doesn't fit in as it is nothing more than a clip show/extended music video of the other three specials (A clip show BEFORE the actual show began. I never heard of such a thing in my life before. Imagine that!). "The Christmas Raccoons," the very first special, is cute, but also doesn't fit in well with the show. The animation quality is fairly poor looking (to me, anyways-I mean, look at Cyril and Cedric in this special! To be fair, it was the first special and they probably had no idea that this would ever become a TV show, most likely they thought this might just be a one-off special), and the characters are presented in a very…"embryonic," if you will, form. To be honest, the only real highlight I can think of is Cyril Sneer appearing as a completely unsympathetic monster, the opposite of what he'd end up becoming in the show. You know, "I'm Cyril Sneer, the lumber profiteer! When I'm near, trees disappear!" (That's actually one of my favorite lines in the entirety of the series.) It's actually kind of fun to see him as a total monster. And while the tone of "The Raccoons and the Lost Star" is closer to the show itself than those two, it's…woah. That has to be one of the biggest mind screws I've ever seen in my life. The fact that the Raccoons were presented as aliens living on another planet entirely….woah. That was totally not the direction this show would end up taking. (Imagine if it HAD been…) Plus, if I may be honest, I REALLY dislike the voice actress playing Melissa in that special. Why did they get a country musician to voice her? She really sounds like a hick in that special, no offense (and I should know, I AM from the American South, I actually LIVE in a trailer park-sad, I know. By the way, I meant no offense to fans of country, just felt you should know I am...well, certainly not much of a fan of it). The only special that really felt like it could have been an episode of the show is "The Raccoons on Ice"-just watch it and you'll see what I mean. Much closer In tone to the actual show. (Although Cyril is still something of a monster in this special.) I have a feeling I might be flamed for saying that, but remember: This is my honest-to-goodness opinion. I am fully aware if these specials never existed, there would be no show at all; I just wanted to point out that the specials are VERY…flawed, if you will.

Also, I do not own the rights to Mount Vulcan...that belongs to Nicky4.

But enough of that, and on to the meat and potatoes of this chapter…

CHAPTER SEVEN: The Day We Meet Again

Three days had passed and now the train was finally approaching Evergreen Station.

"It's about time. This has been a long couple of weeks," I said to myself. "Huh…if only they could invent something that would allow one to teleport…" That would have been extremely handy-just as long as it didn't have any horrible side-effects on the user! (I'd seen that old movie The Fly, and needless to say, if that would be a side effect of teleportation, that would make it most definitely not worth it!) Of course, that was just idle musing to myself, as I knew that we didn't yet have the capacity to create such technology.

Finally, the train pulled up to the platform. As I said, it probably would have been a better idea to take a plane, but at the time I could not stand to fly at all, so that was not an option for me at the time.

At last it was time to disembark the train. Waiting on the platform were none other than Bert and Cedric.

"Hey, Ralphie!" Bert called to me. "We thought you'd never come back!"

"Of course I'm back, guys," I said. "What made you think I wouldn't come back?"

"Well," said Cedric, "you've been gone almost two weeks."

"So?" I asked.

"Well," Bert said, "we thought you'd be back much sooner."

"It was a good two weeks, I can't knock it," I said firmly.

"Wouldn't it have been more practical," Cedric asked, "to have taken an airplane?"

"Perhaps it would have been, but I decided the rails were the better way to go."

"Why's that?" Cedric asked. Neither he nor Bert knew I was scared of airplanes, only my family knew I was scared of them.

"Uh, I happen to like trains." I said. Honestly, I didn't really like them all that much, but I didn't feel like telling my friends I was afraid of flying. They would find out when we restored the 1947 Whirlyboy, when I passed out when I was asked to fly it. (Definitely not one of my prouder moments.)

"Funny," Bert said. "I never remembered you having an interest in them before."

"I just thought it would be a unique way to travel." I honestly wanted them to drop this conversation.

"Okay then." Bert decided to accept what I said, it was clear this wasn't an interesting subject either.

"So, did anything happen while I was gone?" I didn't think anything big had happened while I'd been away, otherwise they would have been eager to tell me about it right away.

"Oh, nothing much really. Cedric and I went fishing a couple times, we caught a lot of fish at our old fishing hole. Didn't we, Cedric?"

"That's right, Bert. Remember when we caught all those catfish the other day?" He laughed. Something funny must have happened (Bert probably got himself jabbed by their barbs a bunch of times, I assumed).

"That was….not one of my better moments," Bert admitted.

"Sounds like you had a rough day, Bert."

"You could say that," he replied.

"You didn't destroy the house while I was gone, did you, Bert?"

"Me? Nah, I would never do that!" Phew. I'd had a feeling he might have thrown a wild party while I was gone and ended up leaving beer bottles all over the place. That wouldn't be the first time it happened, he'd had one for his eighteenth birthday party and ended up getting in trouble with his parents.

"No wild parties, I assume?"

"Who, me? Throw a wild party? I would never!" Bert said, trying to look innocent.

"Bert," Cedric said, "you threw one when you turned eighteen, remember?"

"Oh yeah." It seemed as if he'd already forgotten about that. "Yeah, I did. But that was when I was 18, and here I am, a year and a half later. That was the old Bert-the new Bert would never do that!"

Cedric and I both laughed. "Ha-the new Bert!"

"C'mon guys, you know I've gotten more responsible over the years!"

Cedric admitted, "You have to an extent, Bert."

I had to admit too. He was helping to pitch in to pay the rent for our house. "Yes, you're right, you have. You have a job working for Mr. Willow and you're helping pay the rent on our very own Raccoondominium." Bert had already come up with the name for it, and it just sort of stuck.

"Thanks, Ralph, I do try," he said.

"So anyways, Bert, what has Melissa been up to while I was away?"

"I don't really know. I saw her a few times, she wanted to know when you were coming back. I told her I didn't know."

"It'll be good to see her again."

Bert laughed. "You missed her, eh Ralphie boy?"

I smiled. "Yeah, I guess I did."

Cedric looked at me. "Ralph, is what Bert tells me true? Are you under the spell of…love?"

"Uh, no. No, I'm not," I said, chuckling to myself. "Melissa and I are just friends, nothing more."

"Are you sure, Ralph? Bert said otherwise…"

"Yes, I'm sure, Cedric. Why wouldn't I be sure?"

"Oh okay, I was just curious."

Bert whispered into Cedric's ear, and I could make out what he said, "He's in denial."

"Oh." Cedric whispered back.

"Bert, you are aware I did hear what you just told Cedric, right?"

"Heh heh," Bert chuckled, trying to play innocent. "I didn't say anything!"

"Sure…" I said.

"Well, Ralph, let's go back home. Catch you later Cedric."

"See you later guys. I have to go help my pop count his money."

"Are you counting how much he lost at Indy AGAIN?" I was astonished. How much could Cyril Sneer have lost at Indianapolis?

Cedric chuckled. "Heh, heh, no, guys. I'm just helping him keep track of how much he currently has."

"Oh." I said. "I'd actually started thinking he might have gone bankrupt because of that little…excursion."

"No, no, Ralph, my pop has more money than that!" He said laughing. "Well, anyways, I'll see you around."

"Later, Cedric." Bert and I said as we waved goodbye.

Bert had brought our bikes to the station and we biked home.

"So," Bert asked, "what did you talk to George about? Did you ask him what I told you to ask him?"

"Yes, I did." I said confidently.

"Oh, really? What did he tell you?"

"Not much. He told me pretty much the same thing you told me though-that she probably likes me and that I probably like her."

"Well Ralph…" Bert said, with a sneering (pardon the bad pun) grin on his face, "do you like her?"

I'd had plenty of time to decide this on my train ride, and I'd come to a decision. I felt pretty confident I liked her as a friend, and I decided for the time being, it would be best for us to stay that way.

"As a friend, yes. I think it's best we stay that way for the present."

Bert sighed, "Sheesh, Ralphie. You're always going to stay stuck in the friend zone with that attitude."

I shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe in the future, perhaps, but not right now."

"Whatever you say, Ralphie," Bert said, sighing again. He had a look on his face that basically said he was thinking, "He's hopeless!"

After I'd been home a few days, I had gone back to work and one afternoon after work, I was sitting on the couch watching a baseballl game (nothing else was on the TV), while Bert was practicing his guitar again. We'd got complaints from some folks who thought his music was too loud, but Bert apologized usually and promised it wouldn't happen again. Of course, this was an empty promise-he'd continue practicing anyway after a few days. I worried that one of these times somebody might call the Evergreen Police on us.

Presently there came a knock on the door.

Bert was too busy rocking out on his guitar trying to emulate Ritchie Quackmore's guitar style, so I answered the door.

"Hello?"

"Ralph, it's me. Melissa!"

"Melissa? How did you know we lived here?"

"I'll explain later, just, if you don't mind, let me in."

I was confused but I decided to let her in.

"Okay, you can come in," I said opening the door.

Much to my surprise, she put her arms around me and hugged me. "Ralph, it's so good to see you again. I was wondering when you would come home again."

"Oh, I took a train there."

She looked a bit confused. "A train? Where does your family live?"

"Actually it was just a visit to my older brother. He lives in Ottawa, currently. He's uh, had a lot of trouble holding down a steady job, so he can't seem to stay in one place for too long."

"Ottawa, huh? No wonder it took so long if you went by train," she said, laughing. "But anyways, it's great to see you again, Ralph."

"It's good to see you too, Melissa."

Bert put down his guitar and walked towards us. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing, Bert," I said, nervous all of a sudden.

"Oh hello, Bert," Melissa said. "You're not interrupting anything."

"It sure looked like I was," he said, with a rather goofy grin on his face.

"It's nothing, Bert." I said again.

"I bet you're wondering how she knows where we live?" Bert asked, still grinning goofily.

"Yes, if you don't mind?"

"Oh. I talked to Bert a few days ago. He gave me directions on how to get here," Melissa said grinning.

"Oh."

"So, this is your Raccoondominium, as Bert called it?"

"Yes, yes it is. I didn't name it, Bert chose to call it that. He was joking about our new house being like our own fancy condominium, and he then started joking that it could be our own 'Raccoondominium'. The name's sort of…stuck."

"Hey, it really is like a condo, if you really think about it!"

"I see," Melissa said.

"Yup, it's our very own bachelor pad!" Bert laughed. "So what do ya think?"

"Seems like a pretty nice place."

"Yes, Bert and I have jobs so we can pay the rent for it, otherwise, we'll lose the house and have nowhere to go."

"I remember, you told me," she said. "So, Bert, you work at Willow's store? I've seen you there a few times."

"Yeah, I do," he said. "That Mr. Willow can be a little demanding some times. But between me and Ralphie, I think I put in the most work."

"You complain about your job all the time," I said to him, he was bragging again, which was not too unusual for him, "You might do more work, but at least I don't complain."

"You would if you had my job!" Bert said.

"So what about you Melissa? Do you have a job?" I'd actually never asked her.

"Not currently, no, though I do do a few odd jobs around town."

"Such as?" I was curious.

"Oh, I help paint fences, mow lawns, and tend to people's gardens. It's not much, I know, but it pays some money, and I think that's good enough."

"Oh, ya do?" Bert said. "Maybe you could help mow our lawn!"

"I don't know about that, Bert," she said.

"I was kidding, heh heh!"

"Oh. Say, what was all that racket when I came in? Bert, was that you and your guitar?"

"Sure was!" Bert said with a healthy dose of excitement to his voice. "So what d'ya think? Am I great or what?"

"I don't know about that…" Melissa said, solidly. "But, remember you said you were good and I wanted to see you play? You owe me a free concert."

"A free concert? Hah! I can give that to ya right now! C'mon Ralph, get your drum set out and let's rock this house down!"

"Rock the house down? Oh boy…" I really didn't want to do this, but I figured I might as well. Bert would look pretty weird just playing a guitar without anyone to back him up.

We were all set up. "Alright, Melissa. I really hope you brought some earplugs because Bert is probably going to get pretty crazy."

"I always have a spare pair on me," she said, looking amused. "You never know when these might come in handy."

"Ah ha."

"Okay, are we ready?" Bert pulled out his guitar as I sat on the drums. I knew he was going to try to blow down the house with hard-hitting rock.

"Ready, Bert."

"Okay, a one, a two, a three, a four!" Bert instantly started playing a very dirty guitar tone as he began to sing:

"My heart is black

And my lips are cold

Cities on flame

With rock and roll

Three thousand guitars

They seem to cry

My ears will melt

And then, my eyes

Let the girl

Let that girl rock and roll

Cities on flame, now

With rock and roll..."

We played three more songs: a song the both of us had written together called "Restless In The Night", Deep Blue's "Woman From Tokyo," and an old blues song called "Ain't Superstitious". As I expected, Bert tried to go nuts with his guitar, trying to bust out an impressive solo on "Woman From Tokyo" and on "Restless In The Night". Myself, I thought we weren't bad, but we would have sounded better with at least a bass player and a keyboardist. As for Bert's vocals, he didn't really have the right voice for any of these songs, but he sang as well as he could. He was certainly no Freddie Mewcury or Robert Elephant, but he sang...well, decently enough.

When we closed our impromptu concert, Melissa applauded. "Bravo!" she said.

"What did you think? Was I amazing or what?"

"You were…something. I'll say that much."

"See?" Bert said, bowing to his "applause". "I know I'm gonna be a star some day."

"Maybe if you try hard enough, you could be, someday," Melissa mused. "Say, Ralph, you're not that bad of a drummer. Have you ever thought about going professional?"

"Me? I have, and I would never do it. I could never live that rock and roll lifestyle-have you seen most of those rock stars? They're all strung out on drugs. I couldn't live like that."

"Ah, I understand," she said. "I couldn't imagine having to be on the road all the time either. You'd get homesick fast."

"Yeah," Bert said, "but think of all the girls! The luxuries! The awards! And that's all worth it." I could tell Bert was already imagining himself with a world famous band on a big world tour with a bunch of groupies. The idea was extremely tantalizing to him.

"You can have your awards and girls and luxuries, Bert," I said, not too amused, "but I'm just fine here in the forest."

"Ralph, I've told you there's always room in my future band. You can be my drummer, no problem."

"Bert, I've told you I don't want to go into the music business. If I ever did, I'd probably just be a lyricist."

"Ah, c'mon Ralphie, you know-"

Melissa interrupted him. "Okay, you guys, calm down. There's no need for you to argue." She was right.

"Sorry, Melissa." I said. "That was such a silly argument."

"I know," Bert said. "Say, Melissa. Ever been to a concert before?"

"Me? No, I haven't. I'd really like to go, but my father doesn't want me to go. He thinks with the concert scene these days, something bad could happen if I go by myself. I love my Dad, but sometimes I think he's too overprotective."

"That's a darn shame," Bert said. "I've been to…I guess at least ten different concerts. I went to Vancouver several times to see some big acts like Steel Airship and Deep Blue. You know, at the...what's it called?"

"The Pacific Coliseum," I replied.

"Ah, that's right! The Pacific Coliseum. You know, where the Canucks play? They hold concerts there every so often. I've been to quite a few of them."

"Ah," Melissa said. "What about you Ralph?"

"Me? Only once, and it was a band I didn't even like."

"What band was that?"

"Uriah Sheep. Bert took me, it was my second year of high school."

"Uriah Sheep? The name doesn't ring a bell," Melissa admitted.

"I don't even remember what they played," I said; honestly, I genuinely did not enjoy that show. "Bert took myself and Cedric with him because he'd gotten three tickets for the show-it was at the Coliseum. Hold on-I can remember two songs they played-one was 'Easy Living', and the other…I don't even remember the name…how did it go? Something or other I should have been buying..."

Bert chimed in, "I know that song you're talking about-'Stealin''! And I don't know what you're talking about Ralphie, it was a great show."

"Oh, that's right, I remember now-"Stealin' when I should have been buyin'", I think. No offense Bert, but I thought they were way too loud."

"Oh, I think I vaguely remember hearing about them," Melissa said.

Bert growled. "C'mon, Ralph, you know they were a great act."

I shrugged. "Not really, Bert."

We chatted a little while longer.

"Have you met our friend Cedric?" I asked.

"Cedric? Yes, I met him, he seems like a nice guy."

"He's Cyril Sneer's son." Bert quipped.

"Cyril Sneer? The businessman Cyril Sneer?"

"Yes, that's his father." I said.

"My dad's afraid of him. He fears that Mr. Sneer is going to buy up his bar and force him out of business. I've heard he's not very nice at all."

"Cedric says his dad's not that bad once you get to know him better." I said, as that was what Cedric had told us. We'd yet to see the other side of him, however. "But I wouldn't know that, personally."

"Cedric and his dad must be polar opposites," Melissa replied.

"They most certainly are!" Bert replied emphatically.

"Well, it's been nice chatting with you guys, but I think I need to head home. My dad probably wants me home by now. I'm twenty years old, I feel like I can take care of myself just fine, but my dad isn't too sure."

"Ah, it was nice seeing you again. See you later!" I said, enthusiastically. A little too enthusiastically, because Bert immediately raised an eyebrow.

"Bye Ralph. See ya later, Bert," she said as we waved goodbye to her.

After she left, Bert talked to me again. "Ralphie, I can't believe you don't want to go out with her. She's interested in you, why don't you want to take the opportunity and seize the day!" Bert had remembered one of our eccentric professor's speech about "Carpe Diem," which meant "Seize the day!"

"I don't know Bert," I said. "I just have a feeling if I rushed into one now it would turn out very badly."

"Why do you doubt yourself so much, Ralph?"

"Personal experience."

"C'mon Ralph," Bert said.

"I guess we'll see were our friendship takes us. But you want me to be honest?" I had a confession to make.

"Honest about what?" I'd taken him by surprise.

"Bert, I…don't think I'm good enough for her…" It was the truth. At that moment, I really did realize the whole truth. I did like her, a lot. But I could never ask her out. Because…I knew she could be with someone better than me. I was nothing but a young raccoon with an ambition to work in newspaper journalism. She was trying to embark on a career in photography, a considerably more…exciting line of work than mine. What would I have to provide her that somebody else wouldn't be able to do better?

"Not good enough for her? What are you talking about?" Bert looked at me like I was crazy.

"Think about it Bert."

"No, buddy, what on earth are you talking about?" Bert must have really thought I was crazy.

"Oh, you know Bert," I said, sadly. "I'm just a plain old boring guy with a future in newswriting, at least, I hope. That's not exciting enough. Melissa would be much better off with someone else. I'm sure there would be plenty of other guys around the Forest that would be better for her than I."

"Ralph, are you crazy?"

"I don't know, am I?" I didn't think I sounded crazy.

"Ralph, let me be honest." Here Bert was, trying to cheer me up again when I felt depressed.

"Honest about what?" I responded, nearly echoing his words.

"Ralph, she sees something in you that she likes. I don't what that could be, you'd have to ask her."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Bert…"

"Well, think of this at least Ralph. She likes being around you, right?"

"Right," I said rather lowly.

"If you asked her, she probably would say you were good enough for her."

"Bert, that would probably scare her."

"Heh heh, oh you're right. That probably would be a terrible thing to ask Melissa…"

We both did laugh a bit. That would have been a pretty ridiculous question to ask.

"But seriously, Ralph, you just need to be a little more confident in yourself. That's not too much to ask, is it?"

"I suppose not." He was right-I did need to stop being down on myself so much.

"Good. So, you admit you like her, eh Ralph?" Bert had that goofy grin on his face again.

I decided not to lie. "Yeah, I suppose I do…"

"Heh, heh, I knew you couldn't fool me. Now, since it's getting close to that time, let's have supper. What'll it be-peanut butter pizza?"

"Peanut butter pizza!" I groaned. "Oh, not again…"

A few more weeks passed and now it was the second week of August.

It was the middle of the week, and Bert was excited because, this particular weekend, he had something big planned….

"Ralph, I have all our stuff! Got it the other day at the store. Can you wait until this weekend? We're gonna go canoeing up Evergreen River and go hiking up Mount Vulcan!"

This had meant a lot to Bert. He'd wanted to do this for a few summers but hadn't been able to get the right gear for the trip. Now that he had, it looked like his trip would at last come to fruition.

"You got the tents this time?"

"Yep! Right here!"

I was looking forward to this too. I certainly wasn't the most…athletic man in the world, but a weekend in the outdoors would be a nice change of pace.

"Bert, you invited Cedric, too, right? It wouldn't be right to leave him behind, unless his pop has him busy working again." Knowing Cyril, that wasn't all that unlikely.

"Of course, I did, Ralph! He's coming along with us, he promised. He had to tell a lie to his pop though." Of course Cyril would not be too keen on him having an outdoor adventure with us-he seemed to be afraid that we would lead Cedric astray.

"What did he tell Cyril?"

"He told him that he had to attend a reunion of the Young Aardvark's Society." Cedric actually did have to attend such a meeting, but it wasn't for another few weeks. I wondered how he would get out of this without getting in trouble-he hated lying, but sometimes had to lie to be able to spend time with us.

"So, it's just you, me, and Cedric?" I asked.

"Yeah, unless you want to invite someone else."

"I guess the three of us will be good enough."

Bert, however, started smirking. "C'mon Ralph. I know you want to invite Melissa to come with us."

I hated when he smirked like that. "What makes you think that?"

"Oh, come one. Don't tell me you haven't thought about it…."

I couldn't lie. "Alright, you got me. I have been thinking about it, but, I'm not sure she would be interested in going along with us…"

"Nonsense, Ralph! I'm sure she wouldn't mind tagging along." Bert seemed pretty confident of that.

He then handed the telephone to me. "Call her number and ask her if she'll come with us. You can do it, it's not that hard."

I felt a little nervous, but I managed to dial the number. "That's good!" I thought to myself. "Maybe I have improved since high school. I couldn't call Linda McDuffie back then, but I can call Melissa now no problem!"

The phone rang a few times and sure enough, she picked it up. "Hello? This is Melissa Mulligan, may I ask who this is speaking?"

"Uh, Melissa, this is Ralph. Ralph Raccoon."

"Ralph! So good to hear from you." She sounded pretty happy to hear from me. "You must have called me about something important. So what's up?"

"Erm, Melissa, Bert is having an outdoor excursion this weekend, and we'd like to know if you'd like to come with us."

"Come with you? Of course I'll go, it's no problem at all. So who else is going?"

"Cedric, Bert, and me."

"That's it?"

"Yeah, that's it. Just the three of us."

"Four of us, you mean," she said chuckling.

"Yeah, four of us."

"So what all do you have planned to do?"

"Erm, we were going canoeing up the Evergreen River," I said, matter-of-factly, "and then we plan to hike up Mount Vulcan."

"Oh, I'm looking forward to hiking up Mount Vulcan. I always enjoy hiking; I wish I had more opportunities to do it." She sounded pretty eager to go along with us.

"Alright, so you can definitely come with us?"

"I'll have to ask my dad first. He likes to know about stuff like this first, I don't think he would take it well if I went off without telling him first." She laughed a bit.

"I understand." She had said her dad was a bit protective, after all.

"Can you hold on a minute? I'll go ask him right now."

"Sure thing, Melissa."

"Alright, I'll be right back." I heard her put the phone down (but not hang it up). I could hear her father and her conversing with each other faintly in the distance, and then I heard that familiar gruff voice over the phone.

"Hello," it said, "is this Ralph Raccoon?"

"Yes, Mike, it's me, Ralph."

"Ah. Good to hear from ya again, kid, it's been a while since I've heard from you. So how've you been?"

"I've been fine, Mike. Life's been a little bit boring lately, but I've been doing all right."

"Good, good. So, I hear you plan on having your little outdoor adventure."

"Yes, Mike, that is what we plan to do. It's this weekend."

"And you're planning on asking my daughter to come with you?" He sounded a bit cautious.

"Yes, Mike."

"Let me say, first of all, that I have no problem with her going with you and your friends. But…" His voice changed tone to a bit more of a harsh one.

"But what?"

"But first I should lay down some basic ground rules." He sounded a bit nasty.

"Ground rules?" I was curious.

"Yeah, ground rules. If Melissa is going with you, you must know that I consider you responsible for her safety. She is your responsibility and nothing had better happen to her on this trip of yours."

"What would happen if something did happen?" I asked out of curiosity.

His voice tone got angry. "You really want to know what I'm gonna do to you if something happens to my little girl?"

"If you don't mind." I hesitated, fearing it would be something…well, something not very nice.

"It's very simple. If something bad happens to her and she doesn't come back or she comes back hurt and it's your fault, I'm gonna cut yer belly open, pull your guts out, and stuff them down your throat so that you choke to death on them! You got that?"

I gulped. That was…very unpleasant.

"What about my friends?"

"Oh, your friends? Well, if something happens to her, not only will I mess you up, I'll mess them up too! That raccoon friend of yours? I'm gonna chop his head off and hang it up on my bar-room wall and use his body as my own personal footstool! And as for that other friend of yours, that Sneer kid? Well, I'll carve my name into his back with a pick-axe and drink his blood out with a drinking straw! You got me, kid?"

Needless to say, this was an extremely compelling argument with which there was absolutely no way of arguing against! "I understand you, Mike. I promise nothing will happen to her."

"Good, good…." he said, his voice returning to his usual gruff but friendly tone. "I just figured you ought to know that, kid."

"I understand fully."

"Say, wait a minute. How the hell are you friends with a Sneer? I live in fear that monster Cyril will run me out of business…"

"It's a long story, and, I'm sure you don't want to hear it."

"Oh, I do, I do, I have all the time in the world. Do tell me." He seriously wanted to know?

"Um, it's a long story. Maybe another time."

"Fine, fine, another time. Alright. I think I told him, Melissa, here ya go." I heard her speak into the phone again.

"I apologize about my dad," she said stoically. "Like I said, he can be a bit too overprotective. I wish he wouldn't do that…"

I heard him shout in the background. "I am not too overprotective! A father can never over-protect his children."

"Dad, I'm almost twenty-one," I heard her speaking to him. "I think I can take care of myself just fine."

I heard him shouting something in the background again; I couldn't make out what he said this time.

"Sorry, Ralph. I don't think you needed to hear that."

"It's alright. No really, it is."

"Ah, okay. Well, I can't wait for our trip this weekend. Meet me at my house, if you don't mind. I have to get some things ready."

"Such as?" I was a bit curious.

"Well, my camera for one. I want to take some pictures of the scenery."

"Ah. Those would probably be nice."

"I think I've gotta go, Ralph. See ya this Saturday!"

"Sure thing. See you then!" I said. I hung up.

Bert was now sitting down watching another one of his favorite sitcoms.

"Well, how'd it go, Ralph?"

"She can go with us Bert."

"I bet you're excited about that, aren't you?" Bert said, chuckling to himself.

"Sure, I guess. It'll be nice to spend some time with her."

I went to sleep that night feeling great. This weekend was going to be a lot of fun. It wasn't every day that I got to have that kind of enjoyment! This would be a weekend to remember.

END CHAPTER SEVEN

AUTHOR'S NOTE: So the big camping trip is now set up. It looks like things might truly go Ralph's way now. However, what kinds of disasters will await our gang? Find out in the next chapter, Chapter 8. (That's as much of a spoiler you're going to get this time.)

The song you see in this chapter is Blue Oyster Cult's Cities On Flame With Rock And Roll (interesting title, Blue Oyster Cult were known for giving their songs goofy names), it is from their 1972 self-titled debut albums. The lyrics do not belong to me, they are copyright of their respective owners and were written by Albert Bouchard, Sandy Pearlman, and Donald "Buck Dharma" Roeser. A cover of this song appears in one of the Guitar Hero games (not sure which one, though-I don't play Guitar Hero) and also appears on a soundtrack album for That '70s Show. The other three songs Bert and Ralph play: Restless In The Night is from the show itself (one of the many pop songs used on the show-I thought it would be funny to imagine Bert performing it as a heavy metal number), Woman From Tokyo is by Deep Purple and is from their 1973 album Who Do We Think We Are!, and I Ain't Superstitious is originally by Willie Dixon but is most famous for being covered by the Jeff Beck Group on their debut album from 1968, Truth (fun fact: Rod Stewart was the lead singer in that band...). May I just take this opportunity to explain that I am an amateur rock music historian/critic, so I have been exposed to a rather large amount of albums and an even larger amount of songs.

Uriah Sheep is a Raccoons' version of Uriah Heep, a 1970s progressive metal band known for their 2 hits, "Easy Livin'" and "Stealin'". My mother saw them in concert in the 1980s (minus their original lead singer, David Byron). Needless to say, I definitely do not think Ralph would like this band (Bert probably would, though). As far as I know, though, they never played Vancouver, so that is fictitious.

As for Steel Airship, well, if you can't guess what band that is a Raccoons version of, you fail music forever (Okay, maybe I'm a little harsh there, but seriously. It SHOULD be obvious). It's none other than Led Zeppelin (I am a confirmed Zephead for life, as a matter of fact, I'm something of an amateur historian when it comes to them). They really did play at Vancouver's Pacific Coliseum (which indeed was home to the Canucks back then) in real life, as a matter of fact, several times in the 1970s. They actually opened their 1970 Spring North American Tour there, and they also played their in 1971, 1973, and two consecutive nights in 1975.

And as always, don't forget to read and review.