January 24th, 1886.
To Ness,
So, life's difficult at the moment. I don't know if I've mentioned my girlfriend yet, but she's been my only constant since I moved to Onett. Unfortunately, I'm a really blunt person, and she's easily offended... she asked if I liked her outfit, but I said I preferred others, and she didn't take it well. Usually, she's really patient with me, I've just been messing up a lot lately... or is that just how women are? Any advice would be appreciated.
Moving on, I don't really understand these powers of ours. I'm not sure what you mean by 'Future Human' or those magical stones, all I know is that Ryu spoke about our powers like they were forces or some kind of experience, which sounds like nonsense to me. How would that even work? Does magic have energy? Would magic obey physics?
Actually, I've been reading through The Mystery of Magic as I'm writing this, and Wiz. Ard. mentions those magical stones here. He says there's one for each type of power? To be frank, it sounds like a Ryu thing, or one of those mystical legends you're told as a child. I'm not sure I believe it.
I know I just said I didn't understand the powers, but I've had this thought, and it seems insightful, so here you go. What if magic isn't really supposed to be important? What if it's supposed to be an add-on to what we can already do, like our bravery, courage, all those things? That's just an idea, so take it however you will.
And before I run out of parchment — no, I'm not Bowser! That idea made me laugh out loud in a crowded room, so thank you for that. Your ideas really are fanciful, Ness, but they're endearing. For that, I'll throw you a bone as to who I am. Believe it or not, you looked at me during Lunch today.
I hope to hear from you soon.
~ 910
January 24th, 1886.
Hello, 910,
You're a fast writer! I only wrote that letter an hour ago. I guess it's lonely without your girlfriend, huh? Don't worry, you've still got me, who you're definitely not being all mysterious with to keep my attention.
I'm sorry to hear about your relationship troubles. I've been in drama city too, but I'm trying to get out of it with communication. Maybe explain how you misinterpreted her question? Make it clear you didn't mean to upset her. And if that doesn't work, I'm fairly sure Rosalina's still single...
Actually, if you get back together with your girlfriend, then it's a good excuse to finally meet. I could introduce you to Lucas and see if I can break him out of his shyness bubble. He doesn't talk much, and he tends to internalise all his negative emotions. If that sounds good, let me know!
About that Future Human stuff, don't worry. I was only curious because Lucas read something in a book. Just look out for big, metal men, alright? And as for the magic stones, I'm surprised you don't believe in them. If anything, they'd be cool — imagine being able to go back in time! Though, not so cool if you get stuck there.
I've been trying to make sense of your theory as I've been writing this, but I honestly can't. I disagree. Magic seems like too big a deal to be insignificant. It's saved my life at least three times already, and it's been really helpful in what Lucas and I are trying to do. See, Ryu left the two of us a quest. It's to do with Porky, I'm sure you know he's bad, and getting rid of him before he harms anyone. It's a lot more complicated than it sounds, but my point is, sure, we've got non-magical skills. But we're terrible at using them, so we're relying on the fire and ice.
Now, before I go, I look at everyone during Lunch. That's a terrible clue! May I possibly have a better one? At the very least, tell me where you came from. I'm really curious about who you are!
~ Ness.
January 25th, 1886.
To Ness,
A better clue, hm? Well, I saw you again at dinner last night. You and Lucas were throwing peas at each other. I'm quite certain that's bullying, but it was heartening to see you getting on so well. Even better, you looked right at me, literally staring into my eyes. In short, you are blind.
I'm in a good mood today, does it show? I followed your advice, and my girlfriend and I had a proper talk last night. About how we're flawed humans and we can expect ourselves to mess up — it got rather serious, I'll spare you the details — so, long story short, we're back together.
And thanks for making me laugh again. This time, it was during my detention with Bowser (okay, I'll admit, I've been writing kind of formally, but I'm not as well-behaved as I sound) which made him cane me. I'm writing this in said detention, by the way. He thinks I'm writing lines. If you see the words 'I must not break Bowser's chairs' written here, that's why.
Yes, I'd love to meet Lucas. And perhaps some of your other friends, in time? I recognise some of your group (Toon Link's in my theatre class) and it'd be nice to speak to someone new, especially because (confession time) I've only really got a couple of other friends. When I'm not with my girlfriend, I'm a bit of a loner.
Hmm, perhaps I was too quick to disregard the magical stones? You're right, the Time Stone would be great for going back and fixing every mistake I ever made... but then again, what about the other stones? What would they do? It wouldn't surprise me if this Artur guy just painted some rocks, and the whole Creation magical group is farcical. And, speaking of magic, did you see what happened to Mega Man in the hall? There was this enormous purple light and this horrible noise, and then Byleth swept in and took him away. It was terrifying. Did anyone tell you what was happening?
I'm rambling as usual, but I'd be interested in hearing more about this quest of yours, too. Perhaps in person, since Porky could very well interfere... and, about Porky, yeah, I always thought he was no good. He's been a rotten headmaster so far, and my friend tells me there are rumours of Porky owning child brothels. Good luck with taking him down, and if you ever need another magician, I might be able to help.
I suppose I can tell you about my home without giving too much away. I grew up in the outer Onetian farmlands, but I moved out from my parents' house a few years ago. My childhood was kind of short as a result, I remember having to look after myself for quite a while, but I eventually got into the Boarding School. Honestly, it's a bit of a blur, my girlfriend thinks I hit my head as a baby. My memory's dreadful. I think it was a happy childhood, though?
By the way, about you and Lucas, you call yourself best friends... but what are you, really? My girlfriend thinks you're screwing (if you'll pardon her language) but I'm not so sure. By the way, where I'm from, people don't care much about that kind of thing, so it's okay if you are screwing. And sorry if that's an awkward question, as I said. I can be kind of blunt.
And I suppose I should go back to your plea for another clue... I've been leaving one in every letter. Hasn't that been enough?
~ 910.
.
.
.
~~o00o~~
Chapter 54 - The Heist
(Ness)
~~o00o~~
.
.
.
What with saving the world, I'd almost forgotten how tiring school can be. I mean, there's suddenly no time to cry about meaningless things, find long-lost family members, or receive letters from mystery people. All I can do is eat, sleep, and try to enjoy what little Lucas Time remains.
And of course, every spare minute is spent agonising over who this letter-sender could be. His words circle round in my head: back to your plea for another clue... I've been leaving one in every letter... but I keep coming up short.
I'm beginning to wonder if I'm getting sidetracked.
Monday morning brings us immediate woe; Porky's scheduled an assembly for 7 A.M. As we walk in, I overhear a lot of mentions of Mega Man's collapse, but I'm pleased to hear more curiosity than fear in their voices — the other students have always been quite steely when it comes to danger. The fire left everyone unfazed. Even Wario and Ryu's deaths don't seem to have had much impact.
The main hall's vast ceiling swims through my tired eyes. I just about manage to sit next to Red. Pit ends up next to the rather flustered-looking Paula, which makes Toon Link laugh, but Bayonetta arrives with a vindictive expression, and Pit has to make space.
"Good morning!" Porky bellows, taking the lectern so suddenly that several students jump round in surprise. "Hello, sit down, sit down... Welcome to this morning's assembly, and welcome to your first day back of teaching!"
The response is muted. A lot of the students look almost zombie-like in their tiredness.
"I haven't much to say to you today... except, I do believe some disturbing events unfolded yesterday?"
Almost as one, the other students lean forward with interest. A few whispers break out, a lot of them mentioning purple light and collapsing, and Porky has to slash his hand for silence.
"More graffiti!" he says, shaking his head with mock dismay. "Slandering my name. Have I not outlawed this enough times? Is the school policy not crystal clear? Unless the perpetrator chooses to confess, I will be forced — yes, forced — to bring in more sanctions!"
"But that's not fair!" Link cries out.
"Then I'm sure the perpetrator will come forward! Anyone? Last chance..." Porky waits for a couple of seconds before sighing, placing his hands on the lectern. "Oh dear... well, it looks like I've been given no choice. What should I take away this time?"
There are mutters of concern. I notice Rosalina's eyes flicking in my direction.
"Oh, I know," Porky says. "Access to the hospital ward is hereby prohibited."
Suddenly, everyone is wide awake.
"That's not fair!" Villager exclaims. "What about Mega Man? He's stuck in there!"
"Mega Man has been transferred to another hospital."
"What if we get injured?" Bayonetta cries. "What do we do, bleed to death?"
"And what if we get the virus?" Link chimes in. "This is barbaric!"
But Porky slams his fists on the lectern. "Enough! If you want privileges to return, then our vandal needs to come forward! It's quite simple, even little children can understand that. Unless you're even lesser than that, a load of toddlers? Am I teaching toddlers, here!?"
The protests subside. A couple of students mutter, "No..."
"As I thought." Porky stands a little straighter, putting his meaty hands together. "And as for that business with Mega Man, you would do well not to concern yourselves with it. The staff believe it was a freak accent. Is that clear?"
"Yes," murmurs the audience, but I notice Villager looking mutinous.
"Good." Porky surveys us all, his beady eyes flashing when he spots me. "In that case... that's all I have for you today. If you have any information about the vandalism, come to me. I want to work with you to get to the bottom of this, for I'd dearly like to return your privileges to you. Now, off you go to breakfast, go on! I'm a busy man!"
Porky marches off, suddenly looking frustrated. Perhaps he'd been expecting universal love for his policies, maybe this frosty reception is getting to his head. Some of these students would've idolised Porky as a child, bought all their toys from his companies, and laughed at his silly advertisements in the newspaper. But now, that cheery facade has faded. Porky's lost too much of his humanity to pretend anymore. That's what I think, anyway.
Lucas meets me in the corridor, having missed the assembly to check on Saul. He looks just as unkempt as Porky, but in a tired way. A Lucasy way. I ruffle his hair.
"Morning, sunshine."
"Breakfast," Lucas moans sleepily, stumbling towards the canteen. I grin, following after him.
A bowl of cereal later, and he at least looks somewhat alive. Red appears out of the kitchen, having been part of the cooking team for the morning, but he trips on a chair leg, and there's a bit of laughter as he tumbles to the floor.
"Red!" Toon Link exclaims, hurrying over. There are titters from all around. "Are you okay?"
"...Mostly," Red mutters, sending his middle finger at a snorting Diddy Kong. "Must've lost my footing..."
"How was cooking?" Pit asks.
"A disaster. Bayonetta burnt all the toast."
I study his exhausted face. "Did you sleep well, at least?"
"No," Red says, and he looks surprisingly defeated as he sits down. "There was a lot of noise in the corridor last night. When I went to check, there was nothing there... and I know ghosts don't exist! But that irrational part of me was worried, I suppose."
Lucas and I exchange a glance of confusion. Red being afraid of ghosts seems quite out of character.
"When did this happen?" Villager asks, subtly checking Red's neck for one of Porky's chips. He doesn't seem to find one.
"An hour or so past midnight," Red says. "It sounded like someone falling over, and I thought it was Lucas and Ness sneaking around at first. But they were asleep in their dorm."
"Well, that doesn't mean it was ghosts," Pit says reasonably. "In fact, it's pretty obvious who it was."
Red furrows his brow. "Who?"
"It can't have been the letter-sender," I say quickly, but Pit shakes his head.
"Not him. Saul."
We visit him at once.
Looking between Lucas and Saul, I can hardly believe they're related. I believe what Lucas said about the proof, but I feel there must be more to it than that. I know when Lucas isn't telling me something.
"Did you leave your room last night?" Lucas asks stonily, looking down at Saul with distaste. The room is just as we last saw it, Saul's bed kept alarmingly neat, the empty walls reflecting his cold demeanour.
"I don't know what you mean," Saul says.
"Someone was in the hall last night." Lucas steps forward, that fierce expression back on his face. "We know it was you."
But Saul rolls his eyes. "Why would I be creeping around at night? I was asleep."
"I don't believe you."
"Why not?"
"Because you're not trustworthy," Lucas says.
"Me, not trustworthy? I don't know what you mean..."
Unfortunately, we're not able to get much more out of him. It's almost like he's taunting us at this point, like he's saying, I'm here and there's nothing you can do about it. I'd send him away, but I suppose it's Lucas's decision to keep him around. It's his brother, after all.
So, in discontented moods, we head to our Art lesson, wondering if today will get any better.
"Good morning!" Shulk exclaims as soon as we've entered his classroom. He seems to be smiling a lot more today, though his hair has taken on a greyish tinge and there are bags under his eyes. "Wonderful to see you all, wonderful to get back to some art... ah, what with all this conflict, I've hardly had time to plan, let alone paint! I'm swarming with ideas, let me tell you, there was one painting I was thinking of that-"
Someone clears their throat.
"...But that's not relevant right now," Shulk says quickly. "So, let's continue using newspaper headlines to create politically-charged-but-not-too-politically-charged-so-as-to-avoid-jailtime artworks. There are several newspapers on the table, some terrible business indeed within, but it's time to be apathetic to all that. It can serve as inspiration!"
Professor Shulk waves us onward, and there's a rush to the stack of papers. I dread to imagine what horrors will have unfolded today, but before I can find out, a boy exclaims, "Headmaster Hand's been sent to jail!"
"What?"
"Headmaster Hand?"
"It's crazy," he says. "Headmaster Hand has been arrested in connection to the terror attack on the Onett High Court. While Everdred remains the prime culprit, it is suspected that Headmaster Hand financially assisted The Sharks, hoping the attack would cut his trial short. As such, he and his associates have been sentenced to life in Onett County Jail..."
"At least he survived the explosion," Lucas says, though few people hear him, too busy trying to find the article for themselves. I take the newspaper from the boy, who I vaguely recognise as Mii, and I scour the page for other headlines.
Everdred Survives? Suicide Bomber may have escaped, see more on page 4…
I quickly turn.
An Ever Dreaded Everdred Evasion!
On Friday, a heart-wrenching tragedy took away several brave Onetians from our lives. The culprit was none other than a teenager called Everdred, a member of The Sharks and an understudy to Frank Fly. It was believed he was arrested following the events, but recent forensic evidence has revealed that he may have escaped.
"There was no sign of his body," chief scientist Maxwell Labs stated. "Some say he was arrested, but Onett County Jail cannot account for him. We thought he might've died in the explosion, obviously, but there are no remnants at all…"
This revelation suggests that Everdred may still be on the run. Remember, if you see anything that doesn't look right, report it to the Onett Police Station at your earliest convenience. This disturbing news comes amidst reports that The Sharks are ready to enact further violence on our glorious city...
Lucas swears quietly under his breath.
By the end of the lesson, neither of us have made any progress on our paintings. Both Lucas and I seem to share the same dismal feeling: painting is far too mundane after all we've seen. Usually, it would be a catharsis, but it doesn't feel right, somehow. It makes me feel all weird.
"Minimalism?" Shulk jokes upon seeing our empty canvases, but his expression turns grim. "Don't worry. Professor Byleth told me you might be preoccupied…" He taps a finger on his nose, quickly speeding off into the store cupboard.
Lucas sighs. I sigh too, and it's not quite in unison.
"People are starting to catch on," I say. "They know we're not normal."
"Yeah," Lucas mutters. "I don't like it."
"Fame favours the fearless..."
"And the fearless end up dead."
Lucas kicks at the ground as we walk to our next lesson, Double Business, with the combined forces of Professor Mario and Professor Waluigi.
"Do you really think we'll become famous after this?" I ask.
Lucas shrugs. "Probably not. If we die, nobody would care. If we win, we'd be lucky to make more than the local newspaper. Onett's really separate from everywhere else."
"We could become myths," I say. My mind lilts, a little bit giddy. "We could be legends..."
But Lucas stares at me, bewildered. "Why would you want that?"
"It'd be cool," I say, suddenly wondering exactly why I do want that. Maybe I'd feel useless otherwise. "Don't you want to be remembered for something?"
"I guess, but what's the point if you're not even there to see it happen?"
Lucas's bleakness concerns me, but I begin to hear Professor Waluigi's goblin-esque sneer in the distance, so I once again push my worries to the side. I settle for touching Lucas's hand, filled with the bizarre and sudden urge to throw him against the wall and kiss him, but I restrain myself. That's all life has been in the past few days, restraint. Waiting to attack Porky. Waiting to give Lucas affection. I'm starting to get tired of it.
"WAAAAAAAH!" A raucous bellow practically throws us off our feet. "WAAAALUIGI TIME!"
"Good lord," Toon Link says, mysteriously appearing by our side. "He's like Wario on crack cocaine."
"WAAAAAAAA-"
"Wa-luigi!" Mario, the red-capped man, emerges from the doorway. "We-a do not-a shout at the kids!"
"-luigi." Waluigi's battle cry feebly diminishes.
"Well, what-a are you waiting for?" Professor Mario says, impatiently waving us in. "Come-a on!"
We go inside, and wow. Talk about redecorating. Professor Wario's big posters of money are gone, but it seems the two professors couldn't agree on what to replace them with. Red bricks clash horribly with plum walls, lines of coloured paint dripping everywhere where they meet. Professor Wario's big plaque of his business principles has been replaced by a tapestry of a green pipe, but somebody's stuck stickers of moneybags all over it. Even the gas lamps are gone; instead, there are several luminescent mushrooms in one corner, contrasting a plethora of emeralds and rubies in the other, which cast a dizzying kaleidoscopic mirage on the ceiling.
"Intricate," Villager says, appearing.
"I'm glad you like it," Waluigi says sullenly, still subdued by Mario's piercing gaze. "Sit waaa-ever you like."
I sit next to Lucas, of course. Villager and Toon Link take my right, but I notice that Pit and Red are nowhere to be seen.
"Why do we have to do this?" Paula says behind me. "I want to look after children, not run a business..."
"To be fair, nurseries require money," I say. "Unfortunately, Porky's business practises will probably be criminal."
"He wants to make mini porklings," Toon Link says. "Pigs in Blankets, if you will."
"Well, hello-a everyone!" Mario says jauntily, hopping to the front of the classroom. He looks bizarrely like Dr Mario, our resident medic. "It is a pleasure to-a be here! We will have a lot-a of fun together!"
"Waaa," Waluigi says, his arms folded.
Mario continues, happily picking up one of Waluigi's rubies. "Now, there's-a been a little mix-up…"
"Porky hired two professors?" Bayonetta says loudly, rolling her eyes. "Naturally. That great oaf-"
"Be-a careful," Mario reprimands. "Porky is-a always listening... it is best not to be so blunt!"
"Oh, great, he's making threats now?"
Lucas and I exchange the tiniest of glances.
"Professor Mario, what happened to your eye?" Little Mac, a boy known mainly for losing a bet and having to wear boxing gloves for an entire year, asks.
"Ah, yes..." Mario gives a rueful smile. "Professor-a Bowser is not so happy to see me... but this is not-a relevant. We must-a learn about coins, red coins, blue coins, all the coins!"
"You forgot purple coins," Waluigi snipes, and Mario rolls his eyes.
"It-a was a list-a of examples, Waluigi-"
"You forgot! You forgot! You forgot!"
Lucas and I exchange yet another glance. I see his face is sullen and frustrated once more, far from the patient Lucas that I know. I'm filled with that urge to hold him again, to take all his problems away, but there's no point. We're both thinking the same thing anyway: this is going to be a massive waste of our time.
I give him a weak smile, and he returns it.
.
.
.
.
.
What feels like hours of the professors bickering later, we're done. Lucas trails me out of the classroom, obviously deep in thought, but something stops me from prying.
"Do we even need to attend lessons?" Toon Link complains. "At this rate, we won't be alive to take our exams, so what's the point?"
"Don't be a nihilist," Villager says, hugging him from behind. "Lessons are a nice distraction, I think."
"No, they're pointless," Red says, appearing from the History corridor, but he's trailed by Pit, who's got a wide smile on his face.
"What's the occasion?" I ask.
"Probably bumped into Paula in the hallway," Toon Link says, earning himself a hit to the arm.
"Nice try. It was just a good lesson, that's all. Have any of you had Professor Byleth yet?"
"No, why?"
"Because he knows things." Pit's eyes shine a little bit. "Okay, he's a bit crazy, but he says a lot of deep stuff. Really makes you consider what we're doing here."
"So, like a blue-haired Jesus?" Toon Link asks.
"Minus the parables and son of God stuff, yeah." Pit smiles again. "Come on, what's our next lesson?"
"History for us," I realise, impressed. Of course, we don't care about Byleth's history knowledge, but we do care about his elusive powers and how he can help our quest. He seems almost timeless in a way. His similarity to Ryu is bizarre, too. Since he knows about magic, it's almost as though he's a replacement, only a lot more mysterious. I vaguely wonder if he's the one sending me the letters, but the writer said they were a student…
January 25th, 1886
Hello, 910.
Congratulations on sounding incredibly creepy. You saw me again at dinner? Hello? Porky? Is this you? I'm beginning to suspect you're Lucas, playing a prank on me, except he seems way too miserable right now for that.
At least your romance is going well! Maybe we can have a double date, me and Lucas, you and your girlfriend? Not that it'd be a date. It'd just be a thing, a way to get to know each other. At least, once you've finally admitted who you are! What the hell does "910" even mean?
Honestly, I have no idea what happened to Mega Man. Byleth spoke to us afterwards, but he was a bit vague about everything. He probably had no idea either. I don't know how much he understands what's going on... what do you think of him, anyway? He's kind of odd, like he came from somewhere far away. And any theories about Mega Man? You seem like a theories kind of person.
Yeah, I won't say much about the quest here, but it's not really a specific thing that we're doing, it's more been waiting around. It feels sort of aimless, you know? I have to keep reminding myself that we're doing the right thing, because all those rumours about Porky are true. He's a paedophile, though he's dangerous, so I'll only say more if we meet in person. How's that for an incentive to reveal yourself? Ha!
You're from the farmlands? In Onett? Then what do you mean, people don't care about that kind of thing? I thought homosexuals got stabbed with pitchforks out there, I guess that says a lot about my upbringing. I'm a city kid, had a rich father, all the stuff that sounds great on the outside but is really just miserable. How about your family, what are they like?
And as for me and Lucas? Get ready for cheesiness, but we don't really use words to describe what we have. We keep that kind of thing private!
Hope you're having a great day, whoever you are.
~ Ness
January 25th, 1886
Good morning, Ness,
You keep that kind of thing private? Your air of mystery is quite impressive, I'd almost say you're copying me. Of course, whatever you and Lucas may have, don't let rumours spread too far. I'm sure you know what people whisper about you, the kinds of crude things they say. But hey, I'm on your side, if that means anything to you.
I'm not Lucas, nor am I Porky! I'm just me, your mystery pen pal, who is admittedly spending excessive amounts of time writing to you. My girlfriend thinks me mad, I keep checking under the pool table for your letters. School beginning again has given me a new perspective on things, life is dull, way too dull not to do things I enjoy.
My theory is that you used your psychic powers to possess Mega Man, making him do your evil bidding. Or it's Porky's fault, just like everything else. And I'm uncertain about Byleth, he's a bit peculiar. He's an intelligent man, though. He really makes you think.
Now, seriously, my past is a bit of a mess in my mind. You're right, what I said doesn't really make sense, maybe homosexuality was just accepted in my region? Because I vividly remember people not caring, men had their male lovers, and nobody did anything about it. As for my family, I never spoke to them much. As I said, when I got old enough, I lived alone in the farmlands for a while. Now I'm going to school, dealing with classwork and Porky Minch.
Speaking of Porky, this will interest you. I walked past his office earlier, and he was muttering something about Lucas's mail, with a load of envelopes in his hand. Is Lucas expecting something? Because if he is, there's something for you to do. Retrieve Lucas's letters...
"Guys?" I say, looking up from the page.
"Yeah?"
I grin.
"Who's up for committing a heist?"
.
.
.
.
.
"So let me get this straight," Villager says as we approach Byleth's history classroom. "Your magician pen-pal told you that Porky stole Lucas's letters, and now we're going to go and get them? Doesn't that sound like a trap?"
A million different problems rush through my head at once. "Maybe," I say, "But it could be important."
"Haven't you learnt your lesson from being rash?" Red says bluntly. "That's how you ended up in a coma."
"And you still haven't figured out who's sending those letters?" Pit chimes in. I close my eyes, my head starting to ache a little bit. They don't understand, of course they don't.
"I trust him," I say. "He just seems honest, okay?"
But Lucas folds his arms. "What if it's Saul? Maybe that's where he was last night, making you a delivery?"
"No letters appeared last night-"
"Do we even need Lucas's mail?" Villager asks. I notice his and Toon Link's fingers brushing together as if they're not sure if they should hold hands or not. I reach out to take Lucas's hand, but he shakes his head.
"Of course they're important," I say, making yet another mental note to ask if Lucas is okay. "They belong to Lucas."
"They could be taxes," Red says.
"He's not eighteen-"
"And the government is corrupt. Porky will do anything for money."
"That's not the point," I say frustratedly. "Look, how about someone stays back to protect Claus, and the rest of us can break into Porky's office — we might even find something useful in there, come on..."
"We can decide later," Lucas says, seeing Byleth approaching. Red and Pit disappear off to whatever classes they have. "But, Ness, I don't care about my letters. Not enough to risk our lives."
Byleth gestures us into the classroom, and we head inside, sitting near the back. Through my frustration I spot Jeff, still looking miserable, sitting with Tony by the dirty windows.
"Good morning," Byleth says once everyone has sat down. "As you may have noticed, I am not Professor Ryu. However, I hope to teach you just as effectively, starting with..."
But he stops, his eyes transfixed on a student near the middle. I follow his gaze to a boy around my age, who looks rather startled by the sudden attention.
"Starting with the Iron Age," Byleth continues as if nothing happened, though his eyes linger on that boy. I glance at Lucas to get his opinion, but he looks too distracted to say anything.
"Around 400 BC," Byleth says, "Onetians didn't live in bricked houses. They lived in what are known as roundhouses, which were one-roomed settlements constructed from mud and straw, or daub and wattle. Nowadays, we live extravagantly, spending our wealth on luxuries, but in those days, it was about survival. The iron age settlers lived a subsistence lifestyle. Now, Magic was one of Ryu's favourite subjects, wasn't it?"
There are nods. I turn around, expecting to see Ryu's bookcase plump with magical books, but it's been replaced by another array of clocks. It reminds me oddly of the Great Chamber, one of the economic halls of the Financial District. Father used to take me there as a young boy, especially when he had a major business meeting. It was work experience, he'd said. In the end, all it had given me was the chance for a nap while men with exotic accents argued about shipping and importation. The walls were pretty, though, I remember that well. They were covered with clocks, all set to different time zones.
"In the Iron Age, Magic wasn't just prohibited, it was feared," Byleth says matter-of-factly. He speaks as though he was there himself. "Anyone suspected of being a magician would be burnt as a sacrifice to their gods."
Their gods. Like the gods of Felicity — Toon Link's mother, I'm starkly reminded. Byleth gives another searching look to that boy, but upon the limited response, he gives it up as a lost cause, turning to the equally static Nana.
"Tell me, what is the meaning of life?"
Nana opens her mouth, but no sound comes out.
"For Iron Age Onetians," Byleth says, "The meaning of life was holiness. They believed that by pleasing their gods, they'd somehow be saved from death. Of course, it's foolish to place faith in anything so uncertain — not that I," Byleth says, suddenly stopping his pacing. "Would disrespect those who choose to believe. My point is simply that Onetians had very little evidence beyond their superstitions to prove their gods existed, let alone watched over them."
Toon Link's eyes are transfixed. Byleth folds his hands like a wizened priest.
"Faith spreads like a dandelion clock," he says. "It's built from tiny ideas, dispersed among social groups. Sometimes, faith takes root to grow more seeds. As such, ancient beliefs of gods and spirits and naiads have trickled down — evolving, as dandelions have also. And though it is not that simple, since belief is not as commonplace as before, what with our anthro-centric ways of thinking, history always persists. Everything is built on the past. There is nothing new under the sun. It is the same for language, culture, the way we speak, the way we think. The way we murder, torture, steal and swindle. The way we dance, the way we make love."
"Hear, hear!" Bayonetta says, throwing a gangly arm over Paula's shoulder.
"All that we know has been constructed and changed by mankind," Byleth says. "It is all in a constant state of flux: this building, this language, this lesson plan, these facts, even! Speaking of facts, your exam... it's pretty much a memory test, I checked. Does everyone have their textbooks?"
There are disappointed groans.
"Great," Byleth says. "Now, put them away to throw in a fireplace of your choosing. They're painfully inaccurate."
"Hell yeah!" Toon Link exclaims. Byleth smiles grimly in response.
"It's not all good news. I'm here to teach, not just overload you with philosophical ideas. As such, it's time for an exam question — 30 marks, assess the extent to which Iron Age life impacts the world of today. If you need to know any Iron Age details, I remember them very well, so don't hesitate to ask. In the meantime, Ness, Lucas, could I have a word outside?"
I jolt to attention, having been distracted by Little Mac trying to give out the exam questions with his boxing gloves. "Of course," I say, and I rouse Lucas from his trance-like state, following the unpredictable professor into the hallway.
The hallway is strangely barren. Vague murmurs come from classrooms, Marth's patient voice contrasting Bowser's distant booms. The walls are lined with paintings from the art department — even one of Lucas's has appeared, covering the space on the wall where Toon Link is a Faggot was once written.
"So, boys," Byleth says. "Great though it is that you like History, I'd prefer you to stop coming to my lessons."
"Why?" Lucas says, surprised.
"Because you have much better things to be doing. By order of Ryu's last will, training should be paramount to History. However, I would like to begin meeting for private lessons regarding Porky. There are some pieces of information I feel you should know."
"Okay," I say.
"Excellent," Byleth says, turning to leave, but I stop him.
"Who was that boy you kept looking at?"
Byleth's expression freezes. His gaze is a thousand yards away, back somewhere distant. But he waves it all away with a sweep of his hand. "Nobody to worry about, just a new student... I thought he was someone else. This is not a mistake I will make again."
The age in his voice suggests there's more to it, so much more to it than that, but I decide, for once, not to pry. Byleth's business is his, after all. Ryu trusts him.
"There's an hour left of the lesson," Byleth says briskly. "Use it wisely."
He sweeps back into the classroom.
I shrug, looking at Lucas. Using our time wisely sounds like a lot of pressure. Doing things is exhausting, it's just a fact, especially when it comes to training. Besides, we have other plans, we need to deal with this new pile of mysteries building up. What happened to Mega Man? Who's sending me letters? Hopefully, this time, our detective work won't get us locked in an underground laboratory with a mad imposter.
"Do we have to train?" Lucas asks weakly. "I'm exhausted..."
"Of course not," I say, but I frown. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," he mutters. He looks up and down the corridor. "Just tired."
"Should we go to our dorm, then? Instead of standing around in the hallway?"
"You can," Lucas says. "I think I need some air."
I raise my eyebrows. "I'll come with you. Some air sounds nice."
But Lucas bites his lip. "Ness... it's been weeks since we've been apart. I think I need some alone time. Sorry."
"Of course," I say, though his words brew anxiety in my stomach. What if someone takes him away? What if he gets converted? For Lucas's sake, I stay quiet, though I resolve to keep an eye out the window for anything odd.
On the plus side, that leaves me to work on this heist.
Porky's office is in the middle of a large, oval-shaped tower. It used to be Headmaster Hand's, with a modest bedroom behind the desk and a window leading inside. Unfortunately, that window is on the second floor.
This leaves two entrance points unless anyone's any good at climbing. The front door, which will no doubt be locked or under supervision, and the fireplace, since the flue vertically connects fireplaces across floors. If someone climbed down from the third floor, for example, they'd be able to get in. I decide we'll go with that, for now.
So, all that's left is getting Porky out the way, and that should be easy. We just need a distraction, and no doubt Toon Link would be up for that — a little bit of chaos in the hallways should send Porky waddling away… I rub my hands together, pleased with the plan. Not only because retrieving Lucas's mail would improve his mood significantly, but also because getting one over on Porky would feel so, so good. I'm almost tempted to leave behind something disgusting, like a pile of worms or maggots, but perhaps it would be better for it to be an inconspicuous job. The less progress he thinks we're making, the better.
He knows we're up to something, I think. He knows we're waiting. He's choosing not to kill us, even — any moment, he could come up to our dorm with a loaded revolver and finish us off. I suspect he wants our deaths to be special, I suspect he's playing a long game… and he has a part lined up for us in the end, whenever that may be.
And the end is certainly coming. Something has to break. The world is in a precarious position, Onett under pressure from all angles, Tazmily and their Future Human reinforcements waiting for the First Brigade. The Sharks growing restless, maniacs like Everdred blowing up council buildings. The exodus of people into New Pork City, returning to their friends and families as monsters. Then, Geldegarde, pimping out kids like Lucas, wielding his political strength in a quest to best Porky in his evilness. It's bad enough having one villain to deal with, but Onett has always been an arena for the nightmares to duel, a segregated hell where the evilest of humanity fester.
I'm so lost in thought that I almost bump headfirst into Claus.
"Ness!" he exclaims, grinning from ear to ear.
"Claus!" I bring up a smile. "What are you doing?"
"Lesson with Rosalina," Claus explains, pronouncing her name correctly for the first time. "She teached me grammar, words… big words. Where is Lucas?"
"Outside… he's not in a very good mood. Do you know why?"
Claus frowns momentarily, but his expression brightens. "Rock!"
I'm stumped. "Rock?"
"Magic... rock." He makes a sort of oval shape with his hands. "Stone…?"
"Of course!" I exclaim. He's been carrying the Psychic Stone around all day. No wonder he's been so vague! "Thanks, Claus!"
Claus beams and I run toward the front door. I need to confiscate that stone at once.
I'm not even sure why we have it, I think to myself as I breach the cold winter air. All it seems to do is make us grumpy and agitated. But Ryu had said we needed it, so I guess we should go with it for now.
I scan the horizon for my boyfriend, spotting him down by the lake, forming small ice crystals with his palm. One zooms into the water, sending ripples out in all directions.
"Lucas!" I exclaim, hurtling into him. He gasps for breath, falling back against the grass.
"Ow! Ah! Ness? Didn't I say I wanted-"
I thrust my hand into his pocket, withdrawing the stone. Immediately, Lucas's shoulders relax, and his pupils dilate. "This is why you've been in a bad mood," I say. "You need to stop keeping it in your pocket."
"...I do feel better," Lucas admits, picking himself up. There are grass stains on his shirt that I'm sure he'll chastise me for later. "But please tell me that without attacking me next time. Also, I don't think it creates bad moods on its own…"
"Then how does it work?"
"Amplification," Lucas says. "I think, anyway. It enhances specific feelings. But sometimes there are too many thoughts, too many frequencies all at once, and it becomes hazy."
I toss the radiant yellow gemstone in my hand. "Do you think it's supposed to amplify our powers, too?"
"It amplifies everything about being a psychic," Lucas says. "That's what the book said."
I put the stone in my pocket. Immediately, my worries seem to increase, all melding together in a cacophonous noise. Is Lucas okay? Is Mother okay? Will I ever be let back home? What's Porky doing? What's for dinner? And then, my senses begin to tingle, I feel every breath of the wind on my skin, I feel the bitter cold of the air numbing my fingers, I see the way Lucas's pretty chest rises and falls as he breathes, a faint mist coming from his beautiful lips. And suddenly, I want to kiss him, I want to kiss him so badly, and-
Lucas yanks the stone out of my pocket, a shrewd smile on his face. "You forget it's there, after a while. But I think it's changing as it gets used to us. It was kind of muddled at first... it's getting easier to make things out."
"We shouldn't be carrying it around, then." I shake out my head, my senses back to normal. Even having the stone for a second made me exhausted. "It's, dangerous. Where can we hide it?"
"Nowhere in the school is safe," Lucas says.
"Then, how do we carry it without it affecting us?"
"A backpack?" Lucas suggests.
"Too conspicuous. Bullies could steal it."
"Papoose?"
"They went out of style long ago. Besides, those are used for carrying babies." My thoughts brighten with an idea. "Hey, how about we swallow it?"
"...That's the worst idea I've ever heard."
"Or how about we bury it somewhere, somewhere marked? Hey, we could bury it by our gravestone!"
"...Okay, that's even worse."
"Fine, what have you got?" I ask, pouting.
"Well, it doesn't affect us when we hold it in our hand," Lucas reasons. "Maybe skin-to-skin contact is the answer?"
"Are you saying we should put it up our butts?"
"No," Lucas says, reddening.
"Are you sure? Imagine asking in public, Hey, Ness, can I reach into your butt? I need the psychic stone."
"Ew, Ness!" Lucas says, looking disgusted at the thought. I silently curse myself.
"Maybe we should just leave it in the wardrobe," I say hastily. "And put it in our socks when we have class."
"Yes, that's a lot better," Lucas says. I'm relieved when he smirks, elbowing me. "Better than burying it with our rotting corpses."
"Actually," I say, a thought suddenly coming to me. "Can we look at our grave? There's something I want to check. We've still got time before lunch..."
"Of course," Lucas says, though he looks worried again. "Let's go."
The walk into the forest is slightly awkward, but once we're out of sight of other students, Lucas and I can finally hold hands. His fingers feel bonier than usual, but his hand is warm, like a familiar anchor among our current sea of problems. I give him a quick kiss on the forehead when we're behind a tree, resolving never to mention butts around him again.
"We should sneak out here more often," I whisper. Branches creak amiably around us. "Just me and you... nature all around us..."
"Sure," Lucas says, and he kisses my cheek. I'm pleasantly surprised.
"We can come here between classes. We could make out until your lips are sore."
"Ness," Lucas mumbles, and I'm pleased to see he's gone red again.
"Come on," I say, squeezing his hand. "Let's find those rotting corpses."
The headstone is just where we left it, among an inconspicuous bunch of trees. The trunk that fell on us is still there, though it's begun to rot, woodlice scurrying around its base. I have to wonder what we did to get buried somewhere so remote. The words are the same; In loving memory of Ness, and his best friend, Lucas.
"Why do you get to be the subject?" Lucas complains. "Why can't it be Lucas and his best friend, Ness?"
"It's still Best Friends," I say. "That's what I wanted to check. We're not best friends anymore."
"I could still break up with you," Lucas says sweetly.
I laugh, but my senses are tipping off-kilter. There's a hanging thickness in the air as if we shouldn't be here. Perhaps it's the possibility that our corpses are below our feet.
"We probably couldn't have boyfriends on our grave," I reason. "Gay sex is a crime."
Lucas nods, but he looks vague. The Psychic Stone seems to glimmer brighter. The ground radiates magic, and I can almost feel it all around me. It's odd, senseless. I swiftly take Lucas's hand again.
"Come on. Let's go back."
We hurry away until the weirdness has dissipated. I shove the Psychic Stone into my sock, giving Lucas a quick kiss once we reach the edge of the trees. He responds with fervour, and by the time we're done swapping saliva, I have to neaten my hair, tucking my shirt back in. I let go of his hand, banishing all evidence that we've been here as anything more than close friends.
The lunch bell rings soon after we head into the school's entrance hall. The others meet us in the art gallery on the second floor. There's no time to get whatever burnt meat the students will have prepared — it's time to commit this heist.
"I guess it makes sense," Toon Link says. "And it'd be good to finally do something. Much as I love being lazy, I'd rather steal Porky's things."
"Agreed," Villager says. "But we should only do this if Lucas is happy to."
We all turn.
"Well... it would be insane," Lucas begins hesitantly. "But Claus is having lessons with Rosalina, and honestly, I'm bored. Fuck it, let's do it."
Invigorated by Lucas's badass streak returning, I run through my plan, describing the mechanisms of the chimneys and my fears about using the door. Toon Link agrees to create a distraction, and Pit agrees to keep watch outside in case Porky decides to return.
"We should send someone through each entrance," Red says. "We have limited time. If there is an issue, if the lock can't be picked, if the window is locked, if the fireplace has a grate, we may get caught."
"I'm a good climber," Lucas offers. "I'll take the window." I open my mouth to protest, but Lucas silences me. "There's a tree by the wall, it leads right up to the glass. The sixth member of our group can catch me if I fall."
"I can do that, for I'm the strongest here," Red says.
"Then I'll try the chimney," I say daringly, not wanting to be outdone by Lucas climbing the wall. "We can lower a rope before we begin. The bottom fireplace is in the library, and it has a grate, so Red can tie it."
"And I'll try the front door," Villager decides. "If it's locked, I've got stuff from Trades class."
Red continues the instructions. "Once the office is breached, get all the items, and escape as quickly as you can. Exit by-"
"The fireplace," Pit says. "We know."
"Indeed." Red surveys us with beady eyes. "This cannot fail, or Porky will have us lynched, okay?"
Toon Link grins.
"What?" Red demands.
"Nothing," Toon Link says, still grinning. "It's just great to be back."
We quickly get to work, collecting everything we need and making sure we know what we're doing. My mind buzzes with a million ways for this to go wrong, but I shove away the worry, as is customary at this point. I don't have enough energy to worry about things, not when I'm busy trying not to die a grisly death.
Lucas hurries back from scouting out Porky's office, panting. "You're right - he's in the office - having a cornish pasty."
"What flavour?" Toon Link asks.
"Beef and onion."
"Disgusting! Even more reason to finish him off."
But Red fixes us with a sharp look. "No bantering. I despise bantering. Villager, where's the rope?"
"Here." Villager tosses a coil of thick rope to me. It'll be my job to secure it on the third floor, and then to lower it down to Red.
"And was the fireplace lit?" Red asks.
Lucas shakes his head. "No."
"Good." Red stands, satisfied. "Then, let's go!"
I hurry to the third floor, reaching the circular lounge, which houses the fireplace above Porky's. As Lucas promised, no smoke rises from below, and a surprising amount of hope begins to tingle at my fingertips. The heist is a lot of effort for what may be a small thing, but any chance to best Porky is good. I wish I could see the look on his face when he finds out what we've done.
There's a shrill whistle from downstairs, signalling Toon Link to begin his distraction. Hastily, I tie one end of the rope to a nearby chair, listening carefully for any signs of Porky leaving his office. It would be quite unfortunate if he noticed the rope whizzing down his fireplace.
A large crash rings out. Someone screams, and I hear Toon Link's laughter amidst the pandemonium. Porky's chair scrapes, and there's another crash, followed by some kind of rushing noise — it sounds like Toon Link's destroying a cistern.
It's hard to tell when Porky leaves his office, but thankfully, Pit gives a shrill whistle to signal the coast is clear. So, I toss my length of rope down the flue (it looks dark with soot, but just wide enough for me to shimmy down) and the coil tumbles into the black abyss. There's a thunk as Red catches it in the library below. Quick and easy, I tell myself. A subtle job. Not like the escape from Andonuts's house, the one that got us in trouble with the police.
Two tugs come pretty soon after. Red's knot is tight. I ready myself, crouching down, grabbing firmly onto the rope and sliding my legs over into the flue's apex. I'm careful not to displace any soot onto the carpet, though my arms begin to tense. Will my knot hold?
There's no time to sit around and worry. Just like that, I drop myself into the fireplace. To my relief, I don't immediately plummet three storeys and splatter on the ground, and the rope quickly tenses, though the rope swings a little, not quite as firm as I'd hoped. Holding my breath to avoid the acrid taste of soot, I slowly descend into the darkness.
I scan the wall for the opening where Porky's fireplace connects to the flue. There should be a smoke chamber which joins the two, a funnel-shaped structure directing the smoke into where I am. But I feel the rope swing once more, and I rub against the thick, black creosote on the wall...
I grip tighter, my arms begin to ache. It shouldn't be much further. I glide downwards until I reach a square of light, and praying my sudden movements won't sever the rope, I swing my legs into the cavity, keeping one hand firmly on the rope and another on the sooted wall. I push against the creosote, and there's a moment of panic as my hand is freed, but momentum tips me toward the smoke chamber, and I slide downwards, landing unceremoniously on a pile of logs.
Porky's office.
I internally congratulate myself, but the crashing and bellowing from the nearby corridor remind me that we don't have long. There's a sharp click, and the door swings open — I freeze — but it's just Villager, wielding a lockpick. He rushes over, helping me up out of the fireplace, being careful not to let any soot get onto Porky's ornate crimson carpet.
"Nice work," he says. "Easy fall?"
"Yeah," I say, though it wasn't really. "It'll be hard to climb back up."
Villager hums his recognition, and we swiftly get to work. I thrust open Porky's window to let in Lucas, but looking down, he seems to be at the bottom of his tree. I wave him away, indicating that Porky's door has been opened, and Lucas hurries inside.
"I'll take the bedroom," I say, but upon opening it, it becomes apparent it's been converted into an office. I run inside, my heart pounding with anticipation. I rifle through a pile of papers, making sure to replace them exactly as they were, the mark of a good thief. I learnt the skill when I was younger, stealing money from Father's office to give to Lucas. Father never found out, not even once.
But most of the papers are planning documents for new houses, new buildings, and new monuments. I flick through them, not finding anything exciting or incriminating. I haul open a drawer, making sure not to damage a fussily crafted wooden owl, and I pull out another stack of papers, this one bills, street repairs, orders, drafts, and a few angry scribbled threats. I glance at the golden clock that Porky has hung on the wall. We have ten minutes until lunch ends. I feel my breathing quickening.
"Any luck?" Lucas asks, sprinting in.
"Not yet. Search the cabinet," Villager instructs. Lucas obeys, feet gliding swiftly across the carpet.
I tear my gaze away from his pretty face. The second desk drawer is harder to open thanks to a wad of cash that's in the way, but I pull at it with all of my might, and it opens with a pop.
There's a painting, to my surprise, but upon turning the canvas, I see it's a simpering portrait of Porky. Underneath, there's a plump red ruby that I pocket, hoping it might make some money in the Market District. There are a few packs of cigarettes and matches, and I take them for the sake of the environment, spurred on by the crashes outside. It sounds like Porky is chasing Toon Link around the entire school, and there's a roar as Bowser joins the fray. Sweat pours down my neck. I retrieve a cactus from the next drawer, a watch, a disconcertingly large pile of Lucas figurines, and…
"Got them!" I gasp, holding up a pile of envelopes. It's almost too easy. Lucas, they read on the front, along with the address of the school. Lucas catches them in relief. It's as if Porky wanted us to find them.
"Let's go!" Villager whispers. "Put everything where it was. He can't know we've been here!"
I look at the sooty footprints on the carpet. At least he can't prove it was me.
But just as I think that, the pandemonium outside stops, and Toon Link's cry of exclamation fills the void. I freeze. My heart leaps into my throat.
"He's coming!" Lucas mouths.
Pulse soaring, I spring into action, noisily trying to cram all of Porky's items back into his drawers. But there are too many of them — even without Lucas's letters, the drawers don't want to close. I push at them with frustration, eating into valuable seconds of our time. Lucas figurines tumble to the floor. Coins scatter everywhere. Come on! Lucas slams the cabinet shut, rushing over to help, but his hands are shaking, and Pit's shrill whistle sounds outside.
"Leave it!" Villager exclaims, hurrying over to the window. I sprint after him, but the tree is just out of reach.
"The fireplace!" I bellow, but to my dismay, smoke rises through the flue.
"The door!" Lucas shouts, but just as we turn, he appears. Porky's humungous head slithers through the door, his smile painted on as though he's won the lottery. I grab Lucas's hand, wondering how the hell we're going to get out of this one.
"Well, well, well," Porky says, drawing his revolver from his pocket. "I wonder which one of you I'll have to shoot first?"