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not beta'd

storyline - Malicious

prompt - harmony

It means nothing, this realization that maybe I feel something for you other than annoyance (or pity, or disgust, or anger). In the absence of these negative emotions I feel strangely untethered, like part of my identity was our mutual hatred and now it's gone. Like I'm figuring who I am in this respect, in respect to you.

Of course, positive feelings and good interactions trump the bad stuff any day. I am beyond thankful for our peace, and every day I get used to it a little more. Like I've said, though, fully trusting you is hard, especially when a little voice within warns to watch for the second you turn on me.

For the record, I don't think you would do that. But I spent a long time not trusting you, and old habits die hard.

The stakes are higher now, too. Last year you were in a pain in my ass simply because you were. Now, it's more complicated. Having issues would suck in and of themselves, but now in addition to that there are the feelings that neither of us admits to.

Maybe you don't even know about mine. In fact, I know you don't. I hardly know about them myself.

It makes me nervous, confounds me, forces my brain to expand in order to make room for the new weird knowledge that I might want someone I thought I'd always reject.

No. I have little interest in pursuing these feelings.

Weeks go by, months.

We swim together in the mornings, and spend practice in harmony instead of competition. There are parties and bonfires and I see you at all of them. Classes where we coexist in a comfortable quietude. I'm not jonesing to be your partner for projects, but nor do I move if you sit nearby.

It's a mellow balance, but not one that can last indefinitely.

Seasons change, people change.

We've already begun.

The engine turns over and then dies.

Turns, dies. Turns, dies.

Silence.

My heart squeezes anxiously. It's November, and we're having our first cold front, which is probably like early spring for people up north. For us, though, it's chilly.

And it's dark already.

My dad is already working his shift, and will be for another couple of hours. He'd come in a situation like this, obviously, but I hate calling unless it's absolutely necessary.

I dig my phone out of my back and dial.

"Hey. Bella?" There's music in the background. I hope I haven't caught Rose at a bad time.

"Yeah, it's me. Listen, my truck's dead. Can you come back to school and get me?"

"Of course. Gimme ten minutes."

"Thanks," I breathe, relieved. "I'm in front, by my tree."

"Where else," she laughs. "Sit tight."

We live in a safe enough place, but at night the school parking just feels eerie. Maybe it's because I'm used to seeing it packed full of people and cars, and now it's empty and shadowy.

Eventually headlights wash across the empty lot. Making sure I have everything, I flip my hoodie up and jump out.

But it's you who pulls up.

Abruptly, my stomach clamps up. I lock the doors to my truck and walk hesitantly to your car.

You smile when I climb in. "Hey. I was with Emmett when you called Rose, so…"

"And he was with her," I finish, smiling.

"Basically."

"That's cool. Thanks for coming," I say, feeling weirdly embarrassed. "Yeah, I don't know what happened; my truck's never done this before."

Shrugging, you pull out on to the main road. "Could be anything. Will you be okay getting it to a shop tomorrow?"

"Oh, yeah. I'll just get Jake to do it or something."

You frown at the windshield. "You guys going out now?"

A laugh bursts from me, startling the both of us. I cover my mouth, shaking my head.

You smile cautiously. "What?"

"I'd never date Jake. I love him, but… not like that. I still remember when he used to pick his nose and eat it. And make mud pies, which he'd try to make me eat."

"I didn't realize you'd been friends so long."

"Yeah. Our fathers went to school together back in the day."

"Wow." You seem genuinely surprised. "That's crazy."

"I know."

Our conversation stalls after that. I stare out the window, drumming my fingers gently against my jeans.

"So what were you doing here so late?" you ask eventually.

"I came back to get something from my locker…"

"They've been locked up for awhile now, though," you point out.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, but sometimes they'll let you in if they're still mopping or whatever."

"What did you need?"

My stomach tightens even more. I don't need you doing favors for me. Getting a ride is bad enough.

"It's okay. I'll just get it tomorrow." I look at your profile. "Thanks, though."

But you glance at me, your face dappled in red from the brake lights in front of us. "Maybe I can help, though."

"You're driving me home. That's a huge help."

You snort, looking away. "Stubborn."

My street is soon after the next stop light. You get in to the turning lane, and still we remain silent. We have all sorts of awkwardness going for us: the past enemies kind, the aren't good friends kind, the possibly attracted kind. It's really kind of awful.

"My AP government and politics notes."

"Your notes? For tomorrow's test?"

I nod, blushing. Now you know that I was dumb enough to forget my notes and hardheaded enough to attempt refusing your help.

"Damn, Bella, I'll just email you mine."

"I…thank you. That would be great."

We pull up to my driveway. I reach for the handle and pause, biting my lip. "Thanks for coming to get me, Edward. And for offering your notes."

You laugh lowly. "Trust me; it's the least I could do."

I shake my head, hoping I'm not about to be presumptuous. I've misread you before and it was mortifying. "We're good, you know. You don't… owe me or anything." Again, my face is blazing.

"I'll always owe you. For more than you'll ever know."

"What do you mean?"

You smile, nodding toward my house. "I'll email the notes as soon as I get home."

"Thanks." I get out and wait until you drive away before letting myself inside.

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