Hold Me - A Mondler Story.
A/N: Hi everyone, this is my first mondler fanfic and i have this idea i can't get out of my mind. So i decided to write about it. It's set in the 1st season and has some plot changes, but nothing too dramatic. Also, english is not my first language, so i apologize for any grammatical mistakes or anything.
Hope you enjoy :)
The atmosphere of the Geller family was never the most affectionate environment in the world and the youngest daughter of Jack and Judy knew that well. Monica has always been an exemplary girl, even when living in the shadows of her older brother and almost never receiving any act of affection from her parents. She never let those inconveniences stop her from doing what she loved, even though she knew that no matter how perfect she was on her grades, her hobbies or the organization of her room, she would never be good enough for her mother. Monica grew up in a toxic environment, to say the least. Her anxiety to get some attention from her parents made her develop binge eating since childhood. Monica found in food the comfort that she never received from her family. It was obvious that she had Ross, who was always a wonderful brother, even though he didn't notice their mother's actions most of the time, and she also had Rachel. Yet it wasn't as if they filled the gap their parents had left blank. As a teenager, when Monica decided to lose weight, she became obsessed with crazy diets that led to her being hospitalized twice. She got chills just remembering that delicate moment in her life, Ross was in college and Monica felt that Rachel was the only one she could trust.
For a 25-year-old woman, Monica can say that she has been through many delicate moments, had a much better life than many people she knew, but still, she have her demons kept in the closet. She has always been familiar with tightropes, the fine line between losing and winning has always been part of her trajectory. Over time, she memorized each victory and defeat in her mind, reviewing every step so that next time she could do better. Some call her methodical, but she likes to think she's just organized. Always trying to outdo herself in the best way, competing with herself. However, there was one issue that no matter how many times she tried, she could never find a formula, recipe or choreography to win. Love.
If Monica from the present had the opportunity to give some advice to Monica from the past, it would be exactly this: never fall in love again with someone who hurted you. No matter how much that person promised to change, promised that it would never make you suffer again, promises are not fulfilled with words, but with actions. With unintentional actions. If that someone hurt you once, they can hurt you again. But it's not like she has a time machine or anything. So she had to learn the hard way, by living.
Monica was twenty-one when she fell in love with Kip Cohan. Monica was twenty-two when Kip Cohan broke her heart. And now, Monica is twenty-six years old and has been sitting in Central Perk in a state of shock staring at a piece of paper for at least forty-five minutes. Kip returned to town two weeks after Rachel moved into Monica's apartment. They met in Central Park while Monica took her morning walk. Kip was kind and praised Monica even though she was sweaty and disheveled, she smiled and was polite to him, but the images of the day he left her came back in her mind and she left, leaving him alone in the middle of the park.
Days later he called, apologizing for making her suffer in the past. Monica accepted the apology because she was nice like that. Since then, Kip has not gotten out of her head, Monica has tried to dismiss that feeling for a few more days, before he goes to the cafe and asks her out.
Monica accepted. And that's where it all went wrong.
When telling her friends, as Monica already expected, there was a mixture of emotions and opinions. Rachel supported the idea, said maybe this time it would be different, Phoebe didn't agree at first but said it was worth a try. Ross hated the idea with all his might and Joey didn't like it simply because Kip was Chandler's old roommate. This one, unlike his friends, was silent, which made Monica curious because, at the end of the day, his opinion mattered more. He was her best friend. At night, in her apartment, while only the two of them were awake talking, she asked him about it. And Chandler was sincere.
– Mon, I trust you to make the decision that you think is best for your life. – Chandler stated in a soft voice as the two pairs of blue eyes connected in ways they didn't with the others. It was as if Chandler had a completely different personality to those who had once managed to swim through his ocean of sarcasm. – I mean, you are much better at relationships than I am, so what advice can I give you? – He joked, smiling when he heard Monica's sincere laugh. – It's just that, I... – Chandler paused for a while, sighing and thinking of his words. – I remember like no one else the day he left. And I don't want to see you suffer like that again. Just be careful.
–I will, thank you! – Monica smiled, thinking that she had all her next steps planned.
She wished she'd taken care of herself as she'd promised her best friend. Some dates turned into something more serious, they slept together a few times and Monica could swear Kip was different this time. He was so gentlemanly and mature, so different from the boy who left her when she was twenty-two. He rarely hung out with the rest of the gang, but Ross learned to like him again and even Joey took a liking to Kip. Chandler on the other hand was polite and that was all. He didn't exchange a single word with Monica's boyfriend, except what was necessary. Chandler liked him, but he still vividly remembered the time when Kip had gone off to marry a woman. Without warning, he was just gone. And Chandler had never seen Monica more hurt than in those damned two months. It's not that he thought he had to protect Monica or anything, he knew she knew how to protect herself. In a fight between the two of them, Monica would easily beat Chandler, he was aware of that. But she was his best friend, one of the most important people in his life, he couldn't just close his eyes and trust that Kip would make her happy again after the damage he'd done the first time.
However, Monica was happy with Kip. He looked really different, yet Chandler didn't think it was time to let his guard down. He didn't understand why, it was just an instinct. And now Monica understood him completely. Everything was too easy. Too simple.
Five days ago, Monica's period was delayed. Four days ago, Monica started to feel sick. Two days ago Monica took a pregnancy test. Positive. A day ago, Monica went to the doctor to confirm what had happened. Forty-five minutes ago she received the result.
Monica is pregnant.
Her hands are shaking like never before, her breathing is so erratic and heavy, Monica feels like she's going to faint at any moment. Her eyes don't leave the paper, the little word skipping over all the others.
Pregnant.
Monica Geller is pregnant. Monica Geller is pregnant with Kip Cohan. Kip Cohan has made it clear to her that he doesn't want children right now. Kip Cohan is the biological father of the child inside Monica. She feels dizzy, thinks she can cry, but she can't. She's been paralyzed for forty-five minutes. Tapes of her life flashing through her mind, pushing her deeper into a trance-like state
Chandler was released after a long meeting at the company where he worked. It was late, at least eleven-forty at night when he turned the corner hoping Central Perk was still open, he wanted to grab something hot before heading home to shower and pass out on his beloved bed. He could even break into apartment 20, but Monica and Rachel probably didn't want anyone in their house at that time, so coffee was his only option. Luckily, it was still open, almost closing, but Chandler was pretty sure if he asked nicely, he'd get a cup of coffee.
What cafe is open until eleven-forty at night anyway?
He walked in and was too tired to look around, saw some people at the tables and someone sitting on the sofa, he didn't bother to look, he went straight to where the waitress was finishing the glasses. Rachel was off that night and Gunther's shift was over, he didn't know this woman well, yet he decided to try. – Good evening miss, I know it's late, but could I have an espresso, please? – Chandler asked and pouted that he knew hadn't turned out the way he imagined. The brown haired woman looked at him as if she might shoot him right there, so she snorted with a nod.
– Give me a minute. – She replied, disappearing into the kitchen. And at that moment Chandler stopped for breath and allowed himself to observe the people who were still there.
Who stays in a cafe at this time of night?
His eyes then landed on a silhouette he knew well. Shoulder-length, wavy black hair, a black coat, and fair skin. Unmistakable. Chandler frowned, completely confused. What is Monica doing in the cafe now? He quickly walked over and sat down next to her. – Hey Monica, what's up? – He said casually and when he didn't hear her answer he realized the state his friend was in.
Monica was now shaking completely. Her eyes were full of tears and yet none were shed. She held the paper so tightly that she crumpled it. She tried to take a deep breath but couldn't, causing unrecognizable sounds to come out in the midst of her attempt to calm down. How could she calm down?! Monica Geller is pregnant! Monica Geller! Monica. Mon... Mon?
– Mon? – Chandler repeated and it was when he dared to put a hand on her shoulder that the brunette jumped, realizing that there was someone beside her. She looked at Chandler and her eyes widened when she saw he was really there. The two ignored the waitress, who placed Chandler's cup on the coffee table and announced that they were closing.
– C-chandler, hi... – Her attempt to be casual went down the drain as her voice completely failed. She straightened up and placed the folded paper on the coffee table. Looking at the friend again. – How are you? How was the meeting? – Monica felt pathetic, her voice was no more than a whisper and she knew she didn't look good in the eyes.
– Monica, what happened?! You are pale! – The man was now worried, looking so deep into her eyes that he could see the depths of her soul. Once again, Monica froze, looked away, shaking again. Chandler had seen her like this only once, two years ago when... Oh no! He thought. – Hey Mon. – Calmly Chandler placed both hands on her friend's cheeks, lifting her face and making her look at him again. He took a less worried stance, knowing she didn't need three hundred questions right now. Only one. – Are you okay?
Monica lost everything when her eyes met his again. She closed her eyes tightly, finally shedding the tears that were threatening and shook her head. She leaned into him and Chandler kissed her dark hair as he moved his hands from her cheeks to her back, wrapping Monica in a tight hug. – I'm sorry to bother you again, but we really need to close. – The waitress said one more time and Chandler apologized, saying they were already leaving.
– Mon, let's go up. And then, if you want, we can talk, okay? – Chandler whispered in her ear and when she nodded, he helped her to her feet. Monica took the folded paper and put it in her coat pocket.
Chandler put his arm around his friends shoulders and she hugged him around the waist. So, the two went up to the floor where they lived, Chandler paying attention to Monica's every step, since her gaze was so lost and distant that she didn't even pay attention to where she was going. It was when Chandler was about to open the door to Monica's apartment that she turned and walked the other way, towards the boys' apartment. Chandler understood and followed. – Hey Joe! – Chandler called his friend and when he didn't hear an answer, he remembered that he was out on a date. That shouldn't bother them until morning. He took off his coat and then Monica's.
Monica sat on the couch and placed her hands on her knees, sighing and trying to calm down so she could just be able to talk to her friend. He, in turn, sat next to Monica, close enough for them to lean together. – Was it Kip? – Chandler asked softly.
– No. –Monica affirmed and thought for a while. – Well, not partially. – She corrected and Chandler sighed knowing that it was already taking time for Kip to drop the ball again. A few more seconds passed and nothing was said. Chandler was patient, he'd be there for hours, waiting for her to say something if need be. Fortunately it wasn't. Monica moved her hand and took the folded paper from her pocket with shaking hands. She simply handed it over and turned a little to look into his eyes and see his reaction.
Chandler looked at her for a second with a frown, not understanding what that meant. Then he opened the paper and looked at the hospital logo at the top left. His eyes passed over the sheet and he recognized his friend's name. Monica Geller. He kept reading and wasn't understanding anything until he came to a sentence that his eyes had to read twice and still couldn't believe. Pregnant for three weeks. Chandler spent long seconds looking at those four words, feeling the sweat break out.
– Mon, wow... I-I... – Now Chandler couldn't form a word and noticed Monica's eyes watering again. – I don't know what to say. Is Kip the father?
– Yes. – She whispered. Kip Cohan is the father of her child. Kip Cohan is a father and he doesn't want kids. Reality hit Monica in such a way that Chandler heard a muffled sob before he saw Monica with her hands over her face, trying to hide the weeping of despair. She didn't like to be seen in that state by anyone. Chandler was speechless, he just took one of his hands to her back and drew little imaginary circles there, trying to calm her down.
They stayed like that for a few minutes while Chandler got his thoughts in order. Monica's cries were now small sobs and Monica had her head lying on her best friend's shoulder, he was stroking her hair. – T-that's a good thing, isn't it? I mean you always wanted children, you always loved children, Mon.
– I know, and that's good. B-but it's not what I expected, how I expected it to happen, and with whom I expected it to happen to. – She doesn't know where she found the strength to vent. Perhaps it was from her friend's comforting hands, which traveled calmly through her hair.
– Sometimes things don't turn out the way we expect. – Chandler replied, knowing that was the only truth of his life since he was born. Nothing happens the way we expect. He thought and turned his attention to the brunette. Monica got up and ran her hands over her eyes, wiping away the tears and taking a deep breath. She began to pace the room, marching like a soldier. Chandler knew what was coming.
– You don't understand, Chandler! – She stated, now assuming an accusing, almost irritated tone. – Kip has made it very clear that he does not want children now. That he does not intend to marry or have children at the moment. And I agreed because that was also what I wanted. Until the moment I got the damn result. – She exploded and Chandler knew that now all he could do was wait until she was done getting everything off her chest. – Now that I know that there is someone inside me that I can call mine, I like the idea. It's comforting and overwhelming at the same time because I also know we're not on the same page. – She stopped for breath and that's when Chandler got up, putting his hands on Monica's shoulders, making her stop walking. She tilted her head a little as she looked at him and adjusted the collar of his shirt with a pout on her lips.
Even at a time like this, she is still Monica Geller. Chandler smiled at the thought.
– Hey, look at me. – Chandler asked and saw her look at him with red eyes. – I'm not good at advice and you know it. I also don't think it's the right time for jokes or sarcastic comments, which leaves me a little out of hand. – He smiled when he saw Monica let out a weak laugh. – Talk to him, that's all you can do in a position like that.
– I know. – She nodded in a whisper, her hands still on the collar of his shirt. – I'm just... I'm scared. Afraid. – Monica stated. Chandler didn't need another word and wrapped her in another hug, bringing one of his hands to her head, resting there.
– You have every right to feel that way. But you are Monica Geller. Too stubborn to let it consume you. – Chandler joked. – Talk to him. That's it, or we'll have to hide your pregnancy for nine months, and believe me, once the kid starts getting chubby it's going to be a hard thing to do. – Monica looked him in the eyes, laughing. Chandler laughed too. He liked to hear her laugh.
– Thank you. – She whispered feeling him kiss her forehead. Even at a time like this, he's still Chandler Bing.
Monica Geller is pregnant. Kip Cohan doesn't want kids. Chandler Bing is in the middle of an erupting volcano and he already knows the aftermath of it all, the drama it will bring to the group. He doesn't care about Kip, and at the moment he can't care about the rest of his friends. But he cares absurdly for the woman in front of him and now, apparently, for her miniature in her womb. Chandler only cares about them and doesn't know why, but he wants to make sure that at the end of it all, they're okay.