AUTHOR'S NOTE: Chapter 8 ended with a cliffhanger with Ralph in a life or death situation. This chapter will feature the outcome of that-with a surprise twist at the start. (Is it REALLY Ralph's funeral?)

Legal Disclaimer and Crap: I do not own the Raccoons…why the hell do I still keep doing this? I'm about out of witty sayings or questions to pose to the readers by now. The only reason I keep putting this in is to ensure I don't get slapped with a lawsuit for writing this. You wouldn't want that now, would you?

CHAPTER NINE: One Summer Dream

I awoke to find myself hovering over the Evergreen Graveyard. Wait a minute. The Evergreen Graveyard? What was I doing here? Why was I hovering? This didn't seem to make much sense.

I could see down below a large gathering of people standing around an open coffin. These included: Cyril Sneer, George, Nicole, Lisa, Bentley, Bert, Melissa, Cedric, my mother, my father, Mike Mulligan, and the Evergreen Church's pastor, Reverend Bell. Obviously, a funeral was going on and it was somebody we all knew. But whose funeral could it be? Who had died? Why wasn't I with them? Why was I hovering above them?

Reverend Bell opened his mouth and began to speak.

"Ladies, and gentlemen, we have all gathered here today, for the funeral of one Ralph Raccoon. A friend to some, family to others, and a pest to several others, he drowned last Friday in a tragic camping accident. He was only nineteen years old. This is the final viewing before the burial. Any last words you may have in honor of Ralph, please speak them now."

Wait a minute. This was my funeral. I was…dead?

Drowned in a camping accident. It seemed that I had indeed lost my life on our camping trip. I was no longer one of the living. Everyone had gathered here to remember me.

I took a look down in the coffin. Sure enough, that was me. I was indeed….dead. Dead as dead could possibly be. Why did I have to go so young?

George was the first to walk up to my coffin.

"Well, little brother," he started. "You were always a great guy at heart. Much better than many men I've met out there. I knew you were destined for something big in life; I just had this hunch. But now…I guess none of that will ever happen. It's such a shame you've gone to a better place now. You were so young; you had so much more to accomplish in life. I thought I'd be dead long before you were, but that isn't the case. I really wish things had turned out different…." George sighed heavily and went to go sit down. This had to be hard for him-he'd just lost me, his only sibling.

Nicole was the next to speak. "Ralph," she said. "I may not have known you ze bezt," she said, solemnly. "But you were a great guy, and a good little brother to my huzband. I thought a lot of you. I alwayz looked forward to your veesits, you were such a good playmate to my own children. Eet's so hard to believe zhat you are already gone. Ze kids are going to really miss you, Ralph." She wiped her eyes with a handkerchief and sat down beside George.

The next to speak was little Lisa. "Uncle Ralph," she said, crying. "I'm gonna really miss you. You were the best uncle I could ever ask for. You told me I could do anything if I put my mind to it. When I first got a basketball, I was terrible at playing the game and I thought I would never be any good, so I almost quit the game. You told me not to give up and that if I tried hard enough, I could do it. And I can do it! I'm thankful you were there to keep me up when I was down. And now, you're gone! It's not fair," she said, sobbing heavily. "No one should die the way you did. I really will miss you. It was great knowing you while you were still alive, Uncle…" She cried as she made her way to her seat next to her mother and father.

Little Bentley had his turn next. "Uncle Walphie, is that you?" I smiled, looking down at him-I liked being called "Uncle Walphie". He spoke again. "It was so much fun playing with you when you came to my house a month ago. I guess we'll never be able to play again. I wish you would come back…" Bentley also was crying heavily as he went to sit with his family.

The next to speak was my mother and father. Surprisingly, my father was grinning like a madman. Why was he so happy? This was my funeral. Was he actually…happy that I had died? Had he really never loved me or cared about me?

My dad spoke up. "Well, there's one good thing to come out of this!" He sounded joyous. "Thanks to this, I got a week off from work! Thanks, son, if it hadn't been for this, I'd still be slaving away working with carpets right now!" How…typical for my father. He celebrated any opportunity he got out of work like it was a holiday. It didn't surprise me he'd be a bit excited about my own death. How insensitive of him.

My mother slapped him across the face. "ART!" she barked, angrily. "Art, that's your own son in there! You should show some respect for your son, remember all the good times you had with him!" I did laugh a bit, my mother did have to tell my father off sometimes when he was acting dumb.

My father stood there in thought, and then suddenly burst out into the most pathetic sobbing I'd ever heard anyone emit. "Oh, where is the joy in getting time off of work if I've lost my boy! He was so young! So young! He had so much left to do in his life, and he'll never get to have any of it! It's not fair, dammit! It's not fair! The saddest thing that can happen to a father is living to see the day his own son dies! No dad should go through what I'm going through, no one, no one!" He continued utterly bawling as he looked my lifeless body in the face. "Can ya hear me boy? It's not right that a kid should die when he's only started life. You were supposed to be something in life, get a good job, find a nice girl, get married, and start your own family. This wasn't supposed to happen! Are you mocking me, God? Are you? Why must you mock me? Why did you have to take my boy away to heaven so soon? What did I ever do to you?" He sobbed heavily as he walked away to find a seat. I was touched-my father really did care about me, even if he had not really shown it sometimes.

My mother then spoke up, tears in her eyes. "Oh, Ralphie," she said, as she started to sob as well. "Ralphie, my brave little boy, Ralphie…why did you have to go so soon…why? I always loved you, Ralphie, you were always my special little boy. I just knew you'd grow up to be a really good man, Ralphie…why did they have to take you so soon?" She couldn't say anymore, she was just so sad that she had to sit down and take a seat. Both my parents were utterly crushed. It looked like almost everyone was.

Next up was none other than Mike Mulligan. I wondered what he would have to say.

"Well, kid. It was nice knowing ya while you were alive. I never thought you'd be here in one of these wooden boxes so soon. Figured that newspaper dream you had would take you someplace in this crappy little world we live in. My little angel was really fond of ya, like you would never believe. Honestly, I think you would have made a damn fine son-in-law someday. A shame it'll never happen. My condolences to your family." He didn't have much to say, but it was the thought that counted, I suppose.

The next one to come up was none other than Cyril Sneer. He had brought his three pigs with him. Cyril had never been fond of neither myself nor Bert, so I was wondering what he would have to say.

"Well, raccoon. I guess you've gone to the great gig up in the sky now. I never particularly thought highly of you. I thought you and that other raccoon friend of yours were out to lead my boy astray and I tried my damnedest to keep him apart from you two, because I was afraid you would ruin him and turn him against me." I figured he wouldn't have nice words. "But…I remembered what my boy said at your high school graduation. You two were the best friends he's ever had, whether I like it or not, and that means something, I think." Cyril adjusted his cigar a bit. "He said without you two he'd never have made it through high school. And for that, I am thankful. As much of a varmint you may have been, you were one of Cedric's closest friends. That meant a lot to him. It's hard to believe you're dead when you're just a kid yourself." He sighed. "Nineteen years old. Just a kid yourself. Just starting life. I remember when I was nineteen," he said, sighing again as he was obviously remembering when he was my age. "You had your whole life ahead of you. So much to do, so much to accomplish, so much that'll never be. I think there's something wrong with a kid not even living to see his twentieth birthday. Something isn't right about it at all. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that while I never respected you at all in life, I respect you now, in death."

The oldest of the three pigs, Lloyd, spoke up to ask Cyril a question. "Say, Boss." He said.

"Yes, you three little ham sandwiches?"

"We've been thinking," he said. "It's about a time we got a raise. We've been doing so much hard work for you, we think we at least deserve a little raise…" How insensitive of the pigs! Asking for a raise during a funeral-did they have no souls?

"What in blue blazes are you three sausages doing asking for a raise in the middle of a kid's funeral? Do you think this looks like a good time to ask for a raise?"

"Uh, boss," the youngest pig, Floyd, asked. "When is a good time to ask for a raise?"

"You want to know the answer to that?" Cyril said, his voice becoming angry. (Then again, he sounded angry most of the time.)

"Oh, yes, boss." The three pigs spoke in unison.

"The answer is never! You three dirty swine will never get a raise as long as you ask for one in the middle of a funeral, of all places!" He was definitely pissed.

"Oh no!" Boyd, the middle of the three pigs, cried.

"Now get over here, you no-good pigs!"

"Run!" Lloyd screamed as he and his siblings ran from Cyril as he chased them through the graveyard.

That was rather amusing, but I admitted. It was touching to see Cyril finally give me some respect, albeit it was only after my own death.

Next to speak up was Cedric. "Gosh, Ralph," he said, looking very depressed and upset. "It feels so weird seeing you lifeless here in this coffin. You were always one of my dearest friends. You and Bert both. I'm not sure you realized it, but your friendship really meant a lot to me. A lot of kids were afraid of me because of my last name, Sneer. They had heard all the stories from their parents when I was a little aardvark and stayed well away from me. You and Bert were the only two who tried to befriend me. And it was a great friendship. We made it all the way through high school together. You two helped me get through high school, if it hadn't been for you I would have been endlessly bullied for being considered a nerd and for being a Sneer. We may not have gone to college together, but we still called each other and kept in touch. Now…it just doesn't feel right seeing you leave us so early on in life. I don't really know what to say." This had hit Cedric hard, he couldn't even think of anything more to say. He sat down as well.

The next to last person to speak was Bert. Bert looked extremely sad and I could tell this had hit him hard as well. "Ralphie boy, I guess this is goodbye forever," he said, as tears started to slowly trickle down his face. I'd rarely ever seen him cry. "We had such great times together growing up. You, me, and Cedric, we were the best of friends. Nothing could ever separate us…except….one of us dying. I always thought it wasn't fair how the other kids treated you, they treated you like you were a piece of garbage that deserved to be stomped on. You didn't deserve to be stomped on-you were a smart guy, smarter than me for sure. You were definitely going to make something of yourself; you were going to be much better off than any one of those guys who picked on you at every opportunity. Melissa really liked you, too-I imagine if you'd have lived you two would eventually have probably gotten together and lived happily ever after, just like in those old fairy tales my mom used to read to me." He was really starting to cry now. "If only we'd have listened to you when you told us to turn back when you thought something bad was going to happen. I thought you were crazy; if only I'd have known what would have happened, I would have gladly turned back. It'd mean you'd still be here with us. We could look back and laugh at how scared you were-I would much rather that than what's happened now. I feel…I feel partially responsible for all this happening. I'll never forget ya, buddy. See ya on the other side someday, Ralphie boy, I hope ya won't be too mad at me." Bert absolutely broke down and started crying his eyes out, he needed help getting to his seat.

Last and certainly not least, was Melissa. She looked like she'd been hit the hardest by all this, it was obvious she'd been crying for a long time about this. "Oh, Ralph…." She said, struggling for words. "I can't believe all this is happening. I wish this were a dream, a nightmare I was having, but it isn't. I remember when I first met you a few months ago-when you spilled your coffee all over me. I got a bit upset at first, but then I realized you didn't mean to do that. We talked for a while, I don't know what I saw, but I saw something in you I really liked. You were a nice guy, an honest man. I've had a few boyfriends in my high school days, but none of them were anything like you. I just don't know what to say-I really did like you a lot." She could hardly keep her composure together. "I thought, maybe someday, we might be together forever. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but I did want to believe in it. I really did. Bert should have listened to you when you wanted to turn around, I wanted him to turn around too when I saw you starting to get scared. I tried my hardest to save you when we had…the accident, I really did. I managed to get you out of there with the help of Cedric. I tried CPR, but it was already too late. You were already gone, you'd inhaled too much water, there was nothing we could do." She absolutely started sobbing. "Oh, Ralph, I'll never forget you, I promise! I hope you'll be waiting up there for me someday…" She also needed help getting to her seat.

"And with those words in honor of Ralph," Reverend Bell said, "we may now proceed with the burial of young Ralph Raccoon."

I started crying. This could not be. I couldn't be dead. I couldn't! I was only nineteen, like everyone said, I had so much more to do in life! How could I be dead so young? How?

I dived down at my corpse, hoping that maybe my spirit would re-enter my body and I could return to life. But it didn't work-I wouldn't go back in. I just passed right through.

I cried more and looked up at the sky. "Please, somebody up there, if you can hear me," I begged, "please let me return to life! I'm not even twenty years old yet, I should not be dead at so young an age! Please, give me another chance…."

Suddenly, everything started fading. The scenery, the graveyard, my friends and family, they all started fading.

I suddenly found myself in a black void and I could hear voices.

"He's not breathing! C'mon, Melissa, you have to perform CPR on him, or he'll die for sure!"

"I'm trying my damnedest!" That was Bert and Melissa. What was going on?

"He's not waking up!" I heard Cedric shout. "What are we going to do?"

"I'm trying my hardest, I can't possibly try any harder!" Melissa sounded determined. Wait. Who wasn't breathing? Was it…me?

I suddenly got my answer. I found my eyes opening up slowly as I found myself coughing up a bunch of water. I must have been under the water for some time, for it was quite a considerable amount.

I realized something. I was lying on my back, looking up at the sky. I didn't know what had happened. Where was I? Wherever I was, what was I doing here?

The first thing I saw clearly was Melissa looking down at me. She looked really happy for some reason, I wasn't sure why.

She spoke. "I did it! He's awake! He's breathing!"

"Oh thank heavens!" I heard Cedric say, sounding excited as well.

"I thought we'd lost him for a moment," Bert said, sounding relieved.

"Huh…" I said, confused. "…Where am I? What am I doing here? Why are you all so happy?" I didn't understand.

"Ralph, you're alive!" Melissa shouted excitedly. She picked me up and grabbed me, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me into a really big hug. I was confused. I thought I was dead a few moments ago…I was…alive? I wasn't sure if this was a dream or reality.

I coughed. "What do you mean, I'm alive?"

Melissa was still hugging me, she sounded overjoyed. "Ralph, I thought we'd lost you! When our canoe wrecked, all of us made it to shore except you. We called to you, but you must have lost consciousness at some point. Cedric and I tossed a life ring around you and caught you. We pulled you in."

"Huh, accident? What accident? I don't remember any accident…" I didn't know what she could be talking about.

"You don't remember?" Bert asked.

"Not particularly."

"Maybe it's better that you don't." Cedric said, chuckling. "It was very scary for all of us. We thought you were gone for sure."

I still didn't quite understand what they were talking about.

Then it hit me.

The dream I'd had a few nights before, the small talk between all of us, me freaking out and getting terrified, the accident. Me blacking out.

"Wait a minute, I think I remember now. Was I really that close to death?" I said, nervously.

"You were very close, I think," Melissa said. "If we hadn't have gotten you out when we did, you probably would have died in just another minute or so."

"We had a lot of trouble getting you breathing," Cedric said, smiling. "We were beginning to think it was already too late."

"But you're still with us, Ralphie boy!" Bert said, reaching his paw out to give me a high five. I high fived him, though I still felt a little bit groggy.

"Ralph, I'm just glad to see you're alive and you're going to be alright," Melissa said, still smiling as well. "You really scared me there for a moment. It's a good thing I know CPR!"

"You know CPR?" I said. So it had been her who had been performing CPR on me, just as I had suspected.

"I sure do! I took a course in life saving techniques when I was in high school. I learned a lot from that course. Looks like I put it to good use today!"

I chuckled. "Heh heh, you most certainly did." I was really grateful she had gone with us; otherwise, I would probably be dead. Just like that dream or vision I'd had when I was unconscious.

I wondered how long I had been unconcious. It couldn't have been more than a minute or two. But that vision, it had seemed very real, very detailed. It felt like it lasted an hour. It was all very strange, but, I couldn't think of a way to explain it.

"The important thing is you're alive, Ralphie." Bert said. "Although, I admit. It was my fault this ended up happening. I was careless going through the rapids-that's why we got wrecked. I'm really sorry, guys," Bert looked a bit ashamed of himself.

"It's okay, Bert." I said. I wasn't that mad at him, though I was a little upset he had almost killed me. "It's an accident, it could have happened to anyone."

"Just don't do it again!" Melissa warned Bert.

Bert nodded nervously. "Oh, I promise, I promise..."

"Good," she said.

"Well, we lost our canoe," Bert said, seeing pieces of it strewn about the shore. "But, I managed to save some of our stuff."

"That's right," Melissa said. "Bert and I saved our gear."

"I didn't," Cedric said. "Mine's lost to the river. I assume you lost yours too, Ralph?"

It was rather obvious I had indeed lost my gear as well. "Well, I don't see it on me," I said, chuckling. "I guess that means I lost mine, too!"

"Heh, no problem." Bert didn't seem to be fazed by this. "I think we can still climb Mount Vulcan. We may have lost our tents, but we can stay in the cabin on the peak. I think there's enough room for all of us up there."

"I suppose so," I said, not really thinking of any other alternative.

"Sounds good to me," Melissa replied. "I managed to save my camera. I can get some good scenery photos up there after all!"

"Okay then," I asked, "do we have enough daylight to climb the mountain? It's not too far away, but it's quite a bit of a climb. That'll take us a few hours to climb."

"I think so," Cedric said, although he wasn't extremely sure. "We might be able to scale it by dusk."

"Well," Bert said. "We better get going, if we want to get to the top before it gets dark!"

Soon, we reached the foot of Mount Vulcan. It was a moderately steep peak, but it would be a fairly easy climb for all of us. I'd wondered why it was called Vulcan. Some old books I'd read had said that this mountain had once been an active volcano, but I couldn't be positively sure. It certainly would go a long way to explaining why there were hot springs at the peak. Perhaps it was dormant, which meant it would blow sky-high sometime in the future. I couldn't see that happening anytime soon, though. I would have to do some more research into this when I had the time…

We were now climbing the mountain at a steady pace. Along the way, Bert decided to make some small conversation with me.

"I'm sorry about being so careless, Ralphie..." he said, sheepishly. He was ashamed of himself.

I growled at him. "It's fine Bert, but you better not do anything like that again!"

"Ah, I promise. Scout's honor." I doubted that, but I decided to just accept it.

"Very well," I replied, lowly.

"So, Ralph, Melissa saved your life. What do you think about that?"

"Well, Bert, I can say it's a good thing she came with us. If it weren't for her, I think I might be dead right now."

"Maybe, but if she wasn't here, maybe Cedric could have saved you. Remember when we were in fifth grade? That summer, Cedric went off to the Young Aardvark Society Camp and learned how to swim. He also learned some basic lifesaving techniques; I think he could have saved ya!" Bert chuckled.

"Perhaps," I said, realizing Cedric had helped too. I remember what Melissa said, she and Cedric had both gotten me out of the water. "But, you know, I'm still grateful she was there."

"Heh," Bert said, chuckling to himself again. "She's like your guardian angel, Ralph!"

Guardian angel might be going a little bit too far. "Oh, I don't know about that…" I said, shrugging.

"Sure she is, Ralphie boy!"

"I suppose so," I said shrugging again. "I suppose I am indebted to her."

"Heh, so you are," Bert laughed. "If I were you, I would do something really nice for Melissa to thank her for saving your tail."

"Really now, like what?"

"Gee, uh, I dunno," he said. "Maybe you should take her out to dinner or take her to a movie or something."

"Bert, that's a date."

"Eh, of course it is, so what?" He didn't seem to see what the problem was. The problem was that I didn't feel I was ready for a date. I felt I would screw it all up (just like in high school) and probably get her mad at me.

"Bert, I don't think I'm ready for that yet…"

"Sheesh, Ralphie," Bert said, shaking his head. "I've already said it, you are completely hopeless."

"No need to rush into things, remember?"

"I suppose not, but you'd do good to ask her out while you still have the chance. If ya don't, somebody else braver most likely will, and then, well, you'll be out of luck. You already know what that's like from all your…bad experiences in high school."

I wanted to brush this subject off, I was getting sick of Bert talking about this. He was determined to get us together at any costs, it seemed.

"Bert, I'd rather not discuss this. We're hiking, remember?"

"Oh yeah. Sorry, I just kinda think you two would make a really good match. Say, wait a minute. I know how you can repay Melissa…"

What did he have in mind now?

"Oh really, now? What do you have in mind?"

"You know why most people climb this mountain, don't ya?" Bert said, a large smirk coming across his face.

I didn't remember right off hand.

"Not particularly, why do you ask?'

"There's hot springs around the summit, remember?"

"That's right, I do remember." Wait a minute…Bert wasn't suggesting-

"Well, you two could, ya know, go furry-dipping…" he said, cheekily, a big goofy grin on his face.

"BERT!" I said, getting angry at him for suggesting that. "Why do you think we would do that?"

"No reason," Bert said, still grinning goofily. "Maybe you two want to get, ya know, comfortable, if you know what I mean…"

I was so mad at Bert, I could have punched him right there. I resisted, but it was tough to resist the urge. Bert had quite a dirty mind sometimes.

"Bert, you're sick!" I said, furious at him for his comments, "What makes you think we would want to do that?" In case you didn't know, Mount Vulcan was a hot spot where lots of young couples would go to furry dip and…well…participate in the joy of procreation. That was what the cabin atop the mountain was for. It was quite likely that both Bert and myself were conceived there, but I didn't really want to find out...

"Hey, I was trying to help you," Bert said, trying to be innocent.

"Bert, I don't think she would appreciate that. I'm pretty sure she's not that kind of girl. That kind of girl always seems to be interested in you." I was right, of course.

"Oh yeah." Bert said. "Sorry, that was silly. I guess I do have a bit of a filthy mind…"

"Yes, yes you do." I said, sighing. Sometimes I couldn't understand Bert…

"That's not the kind of woman I want to get serious with Ralph, though, believe me. I guess I'll know when she comes along."

"I suppose so."

I heard Melissa calling to us. "What are you two shouting about?"

I replied, rather suspiciously, "Erm, nothing. Bert was just cracking a dirty joke."

"That Bert," Melissa said, chuckling.

"You got that right," I said.

"But seriously, Ralphie," Bert said, "I do think ya ought to do something for her for saving your hide."

"I'll see what I can think of," I replied.

I could see behind us that Melissa and Cedric were chatting about something as well. I wondered what they could be talking about.

"What do you suppose they're talking about, Bert?" I whispered.

"Probably nothing," Bert said, shrugging. "Maybe you. Who really knows?"

"You're right, I suppose…"

After what seemed like a long time, we finally reached the peak of the mountain. It was quite a view from up top.

"Wow-ee!" Bert said, marveling at the impressive view. "I can see the whole Forest from up here!"

"Maybe if we look hard enough," I mused, "we might be able to see the Raccoondominium."

"Look hard, Ralph," Bert instructed me. "Do you see it? I can't see it."

"On second thought, I guess you can't see it from up here. We're hidden too well in the Forest, it would seem."

Cedric and Melissa had been a ways behind us and after a minute or two they reached the top as well.

They also took the opportunity to admire the view.

"Hey, I can see my home from up here!" Cedric called to us. "Look, there's Sneer Mansion right there!"

Sure enough, there was Sneer Mansion way off in the distance.

"I might be able to see my home from up here as well," Melissa said, looking around.

"Do you see it, Melissa?" I asked her.

"No, I don't," she said. "Everything looks so small from up here."

"Like a bunch of ants?" I said.

"Exactly!" she said, laughing. "Just like a bunch of ants."

She snapped a few photographs of the scenery. "Hey guys, we should all take some photos together, don't you think?"

"I don't see why not," Cedric said.

"Sure thing!" Bert shouted.

"I suppose," I said.

We ended up taking a good number of photos on the peak. Bert took a number of extremely goofy photos (he even stood on his head for a couple!), Cedric took one pointing down at his home, and Melissa and I took a couple photos posing together.

Night had come and we'd decided to camp out at the cabin and head back the next day. None of us ended up taking a dip in the hot springs.

We'd built a fire and were all seated around it. Bert was fiddling in his pack.

"Let's see, do I still have it, do I still have it…" He then found what he was looking for. "Ah-HA! Thank goodness I saved my booze when our canoe got wrecked!"

I slapped my face with my paw. Of course Bert would save his peanut butter vodka. He just had to save it.

"Bert," Melissa said, surprised, "you brought…alcohol?"

"Sure did!" He said, rather proud of himself. "How'd you all like to try some of this? It's my very own creation, peanut butter vodka!"

"Peanut butter vodka…?" Melissa was confused. "Why would you mix peanut butter and vodka together?"

Cedric put his bowl of chocolate pudding down and answered her. "Oh, Bert loves peanut butter, he's always trying to make new things with it."

"He just happened to come up with the idea of mixing alcohol and peanut butter together," I added.

"Ah. I see."

"Say, Melissa, how would you like to try this?" He presented a jar of it to her.

"Eh…" she said, "I think I'll pass. I don't really have much of a taste for alcohol. Which is kind of funny, since my dad is a bartender."

"Ah, suit yourself." Bert then passed the jar to me. "What about you Ralph? You said you weren't going to drink it, care to change your mind?"

"No, thank you, Bert, I'd rather not."

Bert shrugged. "Sheesh. What about you, Cedric?" He was now holding it up to Cedric.

"Bert, I don't like alcohol at all." Cedric said.

"Well, I guess the only one getting drunk tonight is going to be me, then," Bert laughed as he opened the jar up. He took a sip.

"Ah, the rejuvenating taste of peanut butter and alcohol." He belched.

While Bert was sucking up alcohol (let's say he used to have quite a taste for the stuff), Melissa and I were engaged in conversation.

"Melissa, I know you're probably getting sick of hearing this, but thanks again for saving me. I don't know what would have happened to me if you hadn't been there."

"Ah, think nothing of it, Ralph. It wasn't just me-Cedric helped too. Isn't that right, Cedric?"

Cedric smiled as he spoke up. "I sure did! I knew those lifesaving courses would pay off someday!"

"Thank you too, Cedric." I said, realizing I hadn't thanked him yet for helping.

"It was no problem, Ralph." He went back to eating his chocolate pudding.

"Melissa, I don't know how I'm ever going to be able to repay you for doing that for me..."

She looked a bit confused for a moment, then smiled. "You don't have to repay me, Ralph. I'm sure you would have done the same thing for me if it had been me in trouble."

I chuckled. "Unfortunately, I don't think I would have been able to help. I…well…I don't know CPR. Never took a course on it." I would have been no good help to her if she had been in my situation.

"It's okay."

"Yeah…" I sighed.

Bert was by now already pretty drunk.

"Hey guys," he said, in a rather tipsy voice. "Ya know where I'd like to go someday?"

"Where?" Melissa asked.

"I'd like to go to the seven seas of Rhye," Bert said, laughing.

"Bert," I said, shaking my head, "there are no seven seas of Rhye."

"How d'you know that," Bert said, as he hiccupped. "Isn't it in one of your books?"

"Bert, that's a song. A fictitious song. The seven seas of Rhye aren't really real."

"Nah, it has to be real. I know it! Maybe one day, Sir Malcolm Havelock will write a book about his adventures there!" Sir Malcolm Havelock was Bert's favorite author, an adventure story writer. We later found out that his stories were fictional, but they were presented as non-fiction. Imagine my considerable shock the moment I found out he did publish a book about his adventures in the seven seas of Rhye; that was the moment I stopped taking Havelock seriously.

I shrugged. "Sure, Bert, whatever you say."

Bert idly sang to himself, "Oh, I do like to be by the sea-side..."

Melissa laughed. "Is he always like this when he's drunk?"

"Oh, pretty much. He's a terrible drunk."

"I can certainly see that," Melissa said, chuckling.

We both had a good laugh, but then she became serious. "So, Ralph. You never told me what happened in that dream you said you had."

"Uh, no, I didn't."

"I'm assuming it had something to do with the canoeing trip," she said. "Was that why you were so scared before we had our accident?"

"Yes, it was. It was about the trip." I didn't really want to talk about this.

"Did you die in your dream, Ralph?" She said, looking a little concerned.

"Not quite," I said, figuring I might as well discuss it with her.

"Oh, so what happened?"

"Pretty much the same thing that happened today. The only difference was that it was you in trouble instead of me and I had to save you."

She giggled. "Well, Ralph? Did you rescue me?"

"Not quite. I missed getting you with the rope. You ended up drowning."

Melissa stopped laughing. "Oh. Then what happened?"

"Everything went absolutely crazy." I tried my best to explain it to her.

"Wow, Ralph. That was a pretty rough dream you had," she said, sympathizing with me.

"I swear, I didn't take any drugs before I went to bed," I said, realizing how much my dream sounded like a bad drug trip. I really hadn't done any drugs before I went to be; the furthest my experience with drugs went was the occasional joint. (Needless to say, the rumors were true: Pig Floyd were even more interesting while high...) Bert had considerably more experience with drugs; I actually caught him tripping out on some LSD he had one time! (How he got it, I'll never know...) But that's another story...

"I believe you, Ralph." Melissa said. She then smiled, realizing something. "So then you called me because you were worried that something bad had happened to me?"

"Yeah, yeah, I did." I looked a little embarrassed. "That was really silly of me, wasn't it?"

"No, not at all," she said, blushing. "That was actually really sweet of you. No, really, it was," she said, smiling big time.

"It was?" I was a little confused. "I could have sworn you were annoyed at me calling you."

"It wasn't at a good time of the day," Melissa said, shrugging. "But still. That was really cute. You must really care about me, Ralph."

"Well, you're my friend. I would hate seeing anything bad happening to my friends."

Much to my surprise, she leaned in and kissed me on my cheek. I was glowing red like crazy and I could feel my toes curling up.

"And you're a great friend, Ralph. I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world."

"Uh, uh, uh, what did you do that for?" My mind was pretty much gone now.

"You're a good man, Ralph. I don't know if I've told you that before, but I thought you needed to hear that." Melissa smiled at me. I smiled as well.

Bert, now close to roaring drunk, shouted at us. "Hey, get a room, you two!"

Melissa laughed. "Bert! There's nothing going on here, I swear."

"Sure does look like something to me." He hiccupped again.

"It's nothing, Bert," Cedric said. "I don't think they're bothering anyone. They're not interrupting my star-gazing."

"Bah, whatever," Bert said, looking totally…wasted.

He started singing to himself.

"Good golly, said little Miss Molly,

Because I'm the man on the silver mountain.

You can keep on rockin' me baby,

When the levee breaks, I'll have no place to stay."

His singing was so off-key that the three of us couldn't help but laugh a bit.

I spoke again soon.

"Seriously, Melissa, I really ought to repay you for saving me somehow."

She shrugged. "It doesn't really matter if you do or not. Really, I don't think what I did was that brave."

"Well, I think it feels like the right thing to do."

Melissa relented. "Okay, Ralph. Let's see what you can come up with."

I smiled. "I'll see what I can do."

Soon, Bert ended up passing out from the amount of his peanut butter vodka he'd drank (he actually had quite a low tolerance for alcohol), and he ended up sleeping outside. Cedric, Melissa, and I ended up sleeping in the cabin. There were two beds. Melissa and I…weren't exactly that comfortable yet, so we ended up sleeping in the two beds. Cedric volunteered to sleep on the floor.

"Are you sure, Cedric?" Melissa asked. "It doesn't look very comfy at all."

"Oh, I'll be fine, guys." He reassured us.

I had a little trouble falling asleep that night. I was thinking of everything that happened today. Our canoeing trip. Me almost drowning. Melissa (and Cedric too) saving my life. Our little chat by the fire up here on Mount Vulcan.

I smiled widely thinking about everything.

"Maybe I do stand a chance with her, after all," I thought to myself.

END CHAPTER NINE

AUTHOR'S NOTE: And that pretty much concludes the camping trip. It was a rather rough ride for Ralph, but it looks like things are looking up for him once again. He even survived a near death experience! And two ultra-bizarre dreams. But, in the next few chapters, what will become of Ralph and Melissa's budding friendship when college starts up again and Melissa asks Ralph to a Valentine's Day Dance at Lady Baden-Baden's? Find out in the upcoming chapters.

Not to mention, the next chapter will feature Ralph's birthday and Ralph's father. So keep your eyes peeled for that.

For those wondering where I get the idea for Ralph's vision while he was unconscious of his own funeral, I don't really know. This sort of just came to me while I was listening to a Grand Funk Railroad song called Born To Die. The song nearly totally matches the mood of the dream (it's a dark, dreary song about the loss of a close family member).

The seven seas of Rhye indeed don't exist-they are from a song by Queen. (Their first hit in their native UK, as a matter of fact).

The song Bert sings while drunk is not an actual song; rather, it's a mash up of the lyrics of several different songs. They are, in order: Speed King by Deep Purple (which is just a mash up itself of various '50s song lyrics), Man On The Silver Mountain by Rainbow, Rock My Plimsoul by the Jeff Beck Group (which is an adaptation of the old blues song Rock Me Baby), and When The Levee Breaks by Led Zeppelin. All groups I believe mentioning Bert was interested at this time period earlier in the story (under different names of course).

As always, read and review!