Prologue: Headmaster Hand

It's been a while since I was last awake.

My most recent memory is being exploded by a terrorist and his bomb. Everdred. That was his name...

The world spins over and over.

"I thought you were dead," Elmore says, her voice drifting in from the other side of my cell. They're visiting, I think, all the villagers I saved. It's hard to understand the order of things.

"You thought wrong," Pusher declares. I'd forgotten about him. And Duster. And Ollie, but he, he...

Constable Mighty arrested us all. That's right. He took us away.

"We'll get you out of there," whispers a female voice.

I can barely hear her.

My hands are raw, grey with exhaustion. The windows are barred. Constable Mighty's face flashes through my mind, and I pull myself up from my deathbed, but it's all a blurry haze.

"Lie y'self down," Duster says, softer than I've ever heard him.

I don't have the energy to disobey.

"He's not been doing so well, m'chaps," Duster tells the others. "Can't hear half o' what we're saying. Wakes up all the time. Shouting. Could really do with Ollie's advice-"

"I hope Ollie and Angie are alright," Caroline murmurs, fretting. "That school is so far away…"

"It was for the best-"

"But it's not safe!"

"Guys, calm down," Roy says quietly. "Steven doesn't look well."

The arguing diminishes. I want to rise, to tell them all that I'm okay, but he's right. Something in that explosion ruined me.

"I blame that Psychic Stone," Ike says darkly, looking down at the object at the foot of my bed. Byleth had found it on the floor of his classroom, and we'd got Marth to send it to us at once.

"It's pretty," Pusher says. There's some greed in his voice. My heart lurches.

"Put it away," I croak. "Someone will see-"

"Quiet, Headmaster," Tessie soothes, and I feel something damp being placed on my forehead. "Don't use your voice. Don't overexert yourself, okay?"

"I - I'm fine-"

But Tessie's face is gaunt, and I can't understand why. It was just an explosion, wasn't it? What happened to me?

"Get some rest, Headmaster Hand," Ike says from far away, and I feel my eyes slipping into darkness. I try to cling on, but I can't. The world dissolves into red and black. My worry disappears. The void is peaceful.

A distant clang echoes through the cell.

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~~o00o~~

Chapter 57: Naturalise Me

(Lucas)

~~o00o~~

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I've fucked up.

Sometimes, I find that hard to admit, but on this occasion, I have fucked the greatest up of all time.

Ness sleeps soundly, his head against my chest. He got drunk, stupidly drunk last night, egged on by Ninten and Toon Link. They got so drunk that they went outside to find a Future Human.

It's just as well I'd seen them.

One PK Fire finished the monster off, then Ness took very little convincing to come with me indoors. He got a bit emotional once we were upstairs, but he eventually collapsed against me. Now we're here.

It's all my fault.

I've not been giving him the attention he deserves. He's been silently screaming for it, and I have been blind. He's turned to someone who will listen — Ninten — someone who's calm, collected, irritatingly cool. Someone who's not loaded with a million mental problems.

Stupid, I think to myself over and over again. I've blown it.

Sunrise comes, and Ness moans, hurling his stomach into the toilet bowl for the third time in a row. I run a steady hand through his hair, just being there, being where he needs me, trying to ignore the putrid stench of his vomit. There is whiskey in there, I think. Curse Ninten for doing this to him.

"I hate this," Ness mumbles, flopping against my shoulder. "Everything hurts."

"Of course it does. You got completely wasted."

"I don't even remember…" He shakes his head, groaning like some sort of zombie. "I don't understand."

"It was Ninten and Toon Link," I say. "You were drinking with them."

"How did I end up in bed?"

"I practically had to carry you in," I say, thinking of how cold it was out there, being dressed in only my pyjamas. Ninten and Toon Link hadn't been much help, giggling and falling over themselves. "You got attacked by a Future Human."

"…I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too, Ness." I hold him tight, not wanting to lose him. Selfishly wanting him to be mine forever.

Eventually, I guide him down the stairs. His breath stinks, but I don't tell him. He feels guilty enough as it is. I can feel it through our psychic connection, it's enough to make my head hurt. When I find Ninten, there'll be very harsh words to be said.

"An apple should help," Villager chides as Ness sits down. "Why'd you have to go and get drunk, anyway?"

"Completely irresponsible," Red mutters. "Think of your brain cells, the time wasted..."

"People think it's us," Ness mutters.

"What?"

"Making people glow. Ninten said-"

I take a vicious bite of my toast. "I don't think we should be trusting what Ninten says right now."

"But he's my friend!"

"He got you drunk. He put you in a vulnerable position. Does that seem like a good friend to you?"

Ness falls quiet. I move a little closer to him, remembering some of his slurred words last night. I love you so much, Lucas. Don't ever leave me. You're special.

With a sheepish grin, Toon Link arrives, supported by a disgruntled Pit. He plonks a bowl of oatmeal on the table.

"How's the hangover, Ness?"

Ness can only groan, spilling his mouthful of apple as he does. Juice dribbles down his chin. I'd laugh if it wasn't so pathetic.

"Hello, Toon Link," Villager says, and he doesn't sound happy. "I must say, I thought you were better than this. I heard about what happened with the Future Human. Ness is vulnerable at the moment...-"

"I can make my own decisions," Ness mutters.

Villager ignores him. "It was stupid, so stupid to go over the top. Don't you know your limits?"

Toon Link winces. A telling-off from Villager is sure to hit him harder than whatever I'd come up with.

"It was fun," Toon Link says carefully. "But you're right. We got carried away."

"It's my fault," Ness mumbles. "I invited him-"

"It's Ninten's fault," I say, just as the bandanna-clad boy chooses to join us.

The tension is palpable. He's with Ana, which means I can't lay into him too hard, but distaste still swells in my throat. I don't trust him anymore. Just like I don't trust Saul, who I realise I forgot to check on last night. Cursing, I stand. My disputes can wait for now.

"I'll be back," I say. I hope it sounds threatening.

Ness moves to follow me, which makes my heart involuntarily leap, but Villager sits him back down.

As it happens, Saul is where he should be, and I shove a plateful of toast through his doorway. But I still need to decide what to do with him. He can't stay here forever, not when he's squatting in Claus's dorm...

Claus. My heart suddenly stops.

He wasn't in our bedroom last night.

How could I have been so stupid? I was so busy worrying about Ness that I didn't even notice my own brother — agh! I hurry into our dorm, desperation already overcoming me. I search under the beds. In the wardrobe. Under the covers. But it's empty. He's gone.

I whirl around, wringing my hands. Where the hell could he be? When did I last see him — this is a disaster! What if Porky has him? What if he's gone into the forest? I throw myself out of the room, almost colliding headlong with Ness.

"Lucas?"

"Have you seen Claus?"

Ness sways, putting a hand to his head.

"I haven't - I uh. I don't feel too good, I'm gonna…"

He bolts into the bathroom.

"Damn it!" I hurtle down the stairs, aiming for Rosalina's office — she might have been giving him classes! But before I can get there, I collide with Professor Byleth.

"Woah there, Lucas! I was just about to ask, another lesson in my office tonight? I've found some information that-"

"Okay!" I exclaim, impatiently pushing past Bowser, who roars my name. I take a right, practically tumbling into Rosalina's office.

"Lucas?" she says, alarmed. "What's the matter?"

"Claus!" I say, out of breath. "Have you - seen him? Was he with you - last night?"

"Sorry Lucas, I only saw him yesterday afternoon-"

I cry out, turning on my heel and running. Panic courses through me in its entirety. I lost him once before. I can't lose him again.

"Lucas?" Rosalina calls after me, but I keep running, hardly hearing her. I need to find Claus. Porky can't have him. He can't.

But I've fucked up again.

I've lost him.

I fall to the floor with despair.

Sometimes, I view my life as a giant jigsaw puzzle. There are pieces of it that come and go, and together, they form me. Right now, most of the pieces feel miles away. Some of them don't even fit. I'm trying to hold the rest of them in place, but they're disappearing one by one. I don't know what the hell to do.

"Are you coming to Anthropology class?" Villager asks, coming up behind me.

"Yes," I say weakly, because I suddenly need to see Ness again. "I'll - I'll be a moment."

"Sure thing," Villager says quietly.

Vexed, I think it over. Ness will help me. He's always been good at holding my puzzle pieces together. Then, we can work on Porky's riddle, and figure out what we're going to do about Porky's Prom. We'll forget all about last night, him sobbing on the carpet. Telling me how scared he's been...

I gulp, forcing myself to stand. I need to be rational — I'll find Claus again, wherever he may be. Trying to grip onto this notion, I make my way into the Anthropology classroom, where Rosalina is already speaking about the human condition. There is a space next to Ness, and I gladly fill it.

"Humanity is morally flawed," Rosalina says, sweeping through the room. "We live to serve ourselves, because we are driven by the desire to survive. Each human survives through different means, and some of us require more help than others. You see, we see the world in different colours, experiencing things exactly how our minds expect us to. We absorb information, remembering it through patterns. How these patterns influence us gives us personality..."

Ness flops against my shoulder. In the front row, Toon Link and Villager silently laugh over a shared joke. I can't focus on anything but Claus.

"Love exists in the same vein," Rosalina continues. "Each person loves differently, influenced by their memories and interactions. People experience and express their love in different ways. The way you love your friends, your family, your partners..." She casts an eye towards Link and Zelda, who I notice are sitting back together again. "Your version of love makes you very, very human."

Ness groans a little against my shoulder, and I put a steady arm around him. He smiles gratefully at me, and I try to smile back. He has to be okay. Everyone around me will be okay.

I don't know what I'll do if they're not.

Before I know it, the lesson is over. Ness is finally able to stand up on his own, and some of the feelings of constant inescapable pressure have lifted from my shoulders. But the others hurry over, looking business-like.

"We're skipping double History," Villager announces. "Ness, Lucas, you need to work on your training..."

"Claus is missing," I say. "Ness and I are going to find him."

"We are?" Ness says weakly.

"Yeah... but why are the rest of you skipping class?"

"We're working on Porky's riddle," Toon Link tells me, grinning. "Villager has finally acknowledged my incredible deduction skills."

"Hey, where's Pit?" Ness asks blearily, looking between our group as if he's never seen us before.

"The library," Villager says. "Now, come on! We haven't got long. Tomorrow's going to be…"

He gulps. Our expressions say the same thing — we all feel it. Porky's Prom means nothing good.

I drag Ness towards the music room. The others leave to complete their tasks.

"Lucas," Ness says, still sounding a little bit dazed. "Why didn't you say that Claus had gone missing?"

"Because you were too busy getting drunk with Ninten."

"Well," Ness says, but he's unable to think of a refute, and he sighs. "Sorry. You're not angry with him, are you?"

Heat ripples over my fingertips. "No," I lie.

"Good, because he's a great guy, really! He's nice, he listens, he's funny…"

"He sounds wonderful," I say, thinking of how I might be able to catapult him into the sun.

"Great!" Ness says keenly, taking my hand. "So, Claus. Where did you last see him?"

I wrack my brain. I certainly saw him yesterday, he was looking worried about something, but we didn't have the time to ask what. After that, was he in Assembly? I don't know. How could I not know? Was I so used to him being gone?

"I'm not entirely sure," I murmur as we begin to search the music room. It's a rather futile idea, I can't help but think, but Claus loved music. He loved to hide away and sing. I know that for sure.

There is a lot to be said about the power of music. For Claus, music was an escape, I think, especially after Mother was killed. Sometimes, he'd sing happy songs, songs about Tazmily and the sunflowers, but sometimes, there'd be sad ones. Songs about violence, anger, and revenge. Those songs filled me with chills, sometimes, his words were terrifying, especially coming from an eight-year-old's-mouth. He was confident, my rock, but scarily so. Determination drove him to what happened.

So has that happened again? A fresh wave of fear drives through me. Surely not, I think to myself... but Claus is so goddamn unpredictable, and when I try to push for premonitions through the psychic powers, I feel nothing but a wall. I'd like to think Claus wouldn't be stupid enough to go after Porky, but stupidity runs in the family. I'm a prime example. One minute he's stoic, brave, the next he's a terrified child.

Claus is not under the timpani. He's not behind the harpsichord. He's not among the cellos, either. It's not even been that long, but my mind is spinning with paranoia, crawling with dread. I shouldn't have brought him to this school — I was selfish. I wanted to keep him in my sight.

I couldn't even do that properly.

Ness strums the harp, looking absent-minded. "I'll miss this room if we lose the battle."

"Battle?" I say, hardly hearing him.

"Well, you know. That's how these things usually end, isn't it?"

I look at him. Ness looks sad, his shirt overflowing from his trousers. I move over to tuck it in properly.

"Not always. Porky's scared. He wouldn't go into battle, he's too much of a coward."

But Ness bites his lip. "He'd send in his Future Humans. They're expendable. There'd be too many."

"It's not a battle we could win," I admit. He's right, if Porky attacks us, what then? We find a way around, that's what. We'll push through the hordes with everything we have. "Don't lose hope," I say. "I don't think it will end in fighting."

"I disagree." Ness looks up at me. "And what happens if he wins?"

I finish tucking in his shirt, but I keep my hands steady on his hips. "You're hungover," I say, trying to sound chiding. "Don't think about those things. They're miles away from here."

"Isn't it important, though? Porky's so much more powerful than us. He's got more money, he's got Future Humans, knowledge…"

I gently prod his side. He shudders. This time, I won't fuck up. I won't be cold.

"It's going to be okay," I say. "Besides, he doesn't have what we have."

But Ness looks anxious. "What do we have, Lucas? What do you want us to have?"

I hold him close, feeling his pulse racing against mine. His hair is warm, and it smells like maple syrup.

"We have each other," I say.

It's probably the right thing to say, because Ness smiles, bundling me into a kiss. It's kind of messy, as usual, but I lean into it. I give it my everything, because I need to tell Ness how I feel. That I hate this separation as much as him, that the law is an awful, awful thing. That I care infinitely about him, that I just want us to be safe.

"I love you," I say when we pull apart, because it suddenly seems important. I've been messy and unclear with him, and I want these tensions to end. I want him to touch me, to hold me, to live out a life with me if he likes. He's the biggest piece of my jigsaw puzzle.

"Even if Porky separates us?" Ness murmurs, but he looks like he knows the answer.

"Always."

"And if we lose the fight?" he asks, cheeks glowing.

"Then we lose together."

Yeah, that's definitely the right thing to say.

He kisses me again. It feels good, in a rebellious kind of way. This is why I never dreamt of selling him out to Geldegarde. This is the one person I trust more than myself. Sometimes what we have feels so painfully, intricately human, but at other times, it's magical. Ethereal.

Ness puts a hand to my butt, and I have to giggle. His cheeks turn red, and he pulls it away, "Sorry, is that not-"

"It's fine," I laugh. "You can touch me there. You can touch me anywhere you like."

"Really?" Ness says incredulously, and I squeeze his sides.

"Yeah. Really."

He takes my hand, and a sort of solemn understanding passes between us.

"We should keep searching," Ness says after a few seconds, biting his lip. Unfortunately, he's right. Claus won't be rescued on his own, and after a couple of hours spent scouring the ground floor, I'm beginning to worry again. I tell myself I'd feel it if he was in danger, but I don't know. If he's not here, then where is he? By the time lunch rolls around, my joy from Ness's kiss has faded.

"There you are!" Toon Link exclaims when Pit emerges from the library. He waves, sitting tiredly in front of his plate.

"Here I am."

"Where have you been?" Red demands.

"Thinking. Planning. Whatever." Pit shrugs, taking a hefty bite from his cheese and ham sandwich (the student cooks have resorted to simpler dishes). "I'll tell you once it's all sorted. Any luck on the riddle?"

Villager produces a copy of Crime and Punishment. "We thought we'd wait until you got here. Find Claus, Lucas?"

"No," I say. "He's gone."

"He'll be somewhere," Toon Link says confidently. "I reckon he's secretly a badass."

Villager laughs. Evidently, they're back on good terms. "That's no secret. Didn't you see him fighting those Cave Boys?"

"He saved our lives! We owe him one, to be honest..."

"Anyway," I interrupt, though I'm a little proud of my brother for this unexpected praise. "We need to find him. If this all turns into a war…" I sneak a glance at Ness. "We'll need all the help we can get."

"And that's exactly what I wanted to tell you all," Pit says importantly, sitting up a little straighter. "You know, it's high time we spread a little awareness about Porky's misdemeanours…"

But Ness frantically shushes him, noticing Porky standing up from the staff table. He walks toward us, and for a moment, I wonder if we're doomed. He looks tired, though. The sleeves of Porky's shirt are unbuttoned, and his mangled arm pokes through the sleeve. He catches me staring, and he gives me a reproachful look before disappearing down the corridor.

"What were you saying?" Villager prompts.

Pit bites his lip. "Well... I was only thinking we should tell people what's going on. Debunk the Ness-and-Lucas-being-sodomites rumours." He knocks his knuckles together, lowering his voice away from any unpleasant ears. "We'll need people to fight, to be on our side. I'm thinking people like Ninten, Paula-"

"Of course," Toon Link grins.

"Shut it! She's just a friend. We can also invite Jeff, Tony, Link-"

"Link?" Red says, thunderstruck. The green-robed boy looks over.

"I am called upon?"

"No, you are not."

"Are you challenging me to a duel?"

"See? That's the kind of fighting spirit we need!" Pit says, just as Link stands, brandishing a sword.

"Stop!" I exclaim, and several students hurry away in fear. Red throws Crime and Punishment at Link, but he knocks it aside with his blade, and it hurtles toward Diddy Kong...

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" Bowser Junior cheers, and Ness chaotically grabs my hand.

"Oh, great,!" Villager sighs, but it's lost in the rabble when Diddy Kong throws himself at Link's head. Chaos reigns, cheering and whooping all over, and Red dives in to retrieve the book, but it's futile as the battle intensifies, fists and blades in the mix...

"Link! Stop!" Zelda exclaims, and only at that do the pair spring apart, angry and huffing at one another.

"He started it!"

"No, him!"

"No-"

"Come on," Red says scathingly, brandishing the book. "Let us exit this madhouse."

"Oh yeah, so you can hurt even more people?" Diddy Kong sneers, turning on us. "It's all your fault, all you faggots-"

"Yeah!" Bowser Junior exclaims, waving his fist. "You're bringing Satan's wrath upon us all-"

"Turning them purple-"

"No, you idiots!" Toon Link cries. "It's Porky's fault!"

"Porky's great!"

"Then you're delusional!"

"Come on!" Red insists, actually grabbing Toon Link by the sleeve and tugging him away. I follow, trying to ignore the hurls of abuse, the way that most other students lean away from us. We're like a band of rogues, trying to convince a horde of disbelievers.

We fall into Toon Link's dorm, and rain spatters onto the window. Exhausted again, I glance up at the clock that caused us so much trouble before. The decor has changed from when Link lived here — a broad painting of the Pit family now hangs over what once was Link's bed. The books and clothes have become a lot more tasteful, and best of all, the hyper-manly stench of cheap deodorant is gone. There is also a box of condoms on Toon Link's bed, which he tries to subtly push out of view.

"Nice," Ness says, grinning.

Toon Link turns red. "Ignore those."

"Gladly," Red huffs, opening the book onto Toon Link's bedside table. "I do not need to know of your penile activities."

"Penile activities? You make him sound contagious-"

"If he's using protection, maybe he is," Red says seriously.

"Or perhaps Villager is," Ness says. "Given he's on top-"

"I do not have any diseases!" Villager exclaims, and he turns the pages of the book, turning a distinct crimson. "Now, does anyone have a copy of the riddle?"

"I don't know, do you have a copy of Toon Link's chlamydia?"

"Hey!" Toon Link chucks a pillow at Ness, who laughs maniacally. He ducks behind me for protection, and I can't help but grin, glad the mood is finally less heavy. It had been getting a bit too dark, and a few too many of my jigsaw pieces had fallen out. Now they're coming back into place.

"Right then," Pit says, barely repressing a grin. "Let's hear the solution to the riddle."

I withdraw the tattered parchment with Porky's handwriting on it, stretching it out over the table. There are the codes, references to specific words within the texts. Villager does the honours, scouring the second line of the sixteenth page...

"The," he reads. "Insightful."

The pages are turned again. Toon Link looks over, pointing to a word.

"Train?"

Ness takes the reins for the final word, turning Crime and Punishment to its seventh page. There, the first word of the second line is...

"Station," I say. "The train station. It's where we have to look next."

But Red folds his arms. "It's closed. The professors only let us in at the end of term."

"Then we'll break in," Toon Link says, standing. Unfortunately, he's interrupted by the Clocktower chiming. Lunch is over.

"Later," Pit decides. "In the meantime, try to recruit a couple of people to fight with us. We'll host a meeting with them all at 5 p.m., say, in here? That gives Ness and Lucas another chance to search for Claus."

"We're seeing Byleth again, too," I remember, trying to ignore the dread that Claus's name shoots through me.

"Then we'll work it out nearer the time. Come on, let's try not to be late..."

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"Maths," Ness complains as we enter the classroom. "It's a waste of time. It's the worst subject ever. We could be doing something useful, but nooo-"

"Maths is useful," Marth says sternly, overhearing us. Ness scowls behind him, having not quite forgiven him for hosting that fake competition.

"I'm surprised Porky kept it on the curriculum," Toon Link says, shrugging. "Oh look, there's Zelda, fancy recruiting her, Villager?"

"Shut up. Why don't you recruit Professor Marth?"

"If you're not careful, I will, and then who will you cry to when you're all alone?"

The pair bicker all the way to their seats and I laugh, but then I remember Marth is not to be trusted at the moment. Porky's blackmail had completely slipped my mind, what with everything else going on. That and Marth's alleged secret child…

I shake the theories from my mind. At least Marth has no ill intentions, and I suspect he wouldn't report us to Porky regardless of what he was asked to do. He's far too moral for that.

Even so, we'll need to be cautious.

Thunder growls overhead, sounding to me like an ominous warning for tomorrow's festivities. In today's absence of collapses and purple light, the prom fever has been trickling into the students. Earlier, Villager spotted Link carrying an enormous envelope through the corridor, and I noticed several giggling girls holding flowers and blushing. I wonder for a fleeting moment if Ness will get me some flowers, but I remind myself that no, that's silly. Of course we'll go together. There are just other things to have our minds on.

"I hate maths," Ness moans, burying his head in his hands.

"How's the hangover doing?" I ask.

"Better," Ness grumbles. "But not great. You'll need to give me loads of hugs…"

I gulp, making sure nobody overheard him. Porky's idea of associating gay people with the collapses was, admittedly, a genius move. Now, we have to be careful. Not least because some homosexuals still get executed, tortured, or lynched.

"What happened last night?" Ness murmurs. "I still don't remember... did you carry me up the stairs?"

"Yeah," I say. "Or, well, I pushed you."

"And what happened after that? I don't remember going to bed... oh, God, did I say anything stupid?"

"You were scared I was going to leave you," I say. "And you cried about Porky, you thought he was going to take me away. You said you were - really sorry. Very, very, sorry."

"Oh," Ness says, and he falls quiet.

Marth hands out a worksheet, and we start on it. The numbers dance around my head.

"Hey," someone says behind me. I ignore them, trying to remember the quadratic formula. Is it 2a or 2c on the bottom? Or -2a perhaps, but then…

"Hey," the person says again. "Lucas, isn't it?"

I turn. The speaker is tall, dressed in a crisp white shirt which is tucked into baggy trousers. There's also pair of thick-lensed glasses on his nose, and a massive quiff of blond hair.

"Ollie," I realise, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"Mother sent us," Angie says cheerfully, dressed in a sunshine-yellow raincoat. I'm not sure how I didn't notice her sooner. "She thought it was safer than Onett, given Tazmilian forces are on their way."

"We've noticed everybody avoiding you," Ollie says, straightening his collar. "What happened?"

"We'll tell you later," I decide, not particularly wanting to be psychoanalysed at this moment. "We're holding a meeting later on, people who want to stop Porky. Would you like to come?"

"Sure," Angie says, quietening down as Marth drifts nearer. "Where is it?"

"Toon Link's dormitory."

"Oh, it's you guys!" Ness realises, his face the perfect image of surprise. "You were the smart ones, right? Do you know how to solve these equations?"

"Why, certainly!" Ollie brightens up. "It all begins with completing the square…"

Throughout the lesson, Ollie's maths knowledge comes to good use, and Marth hums his approval when he looks over our completed worksheets. But even more useful is the insider information from the city — Ollie tells us of The Sharks' increasing attacks, and that Everdred's bombing happened at the end of Headmaster Hand's court case. As it turns out, Headmaster Hand was imprisoned by the Onett Police Force for stealing Bowser's house (Ness laughs hysterically at this) and he's been locked up in the Onett County Jail.

"The city itself is a state," Angie says grimly, returning from handing around another set of worksheets. "It's empty, mostly. The people have gone to New Pork City in fear of the virus and the war. The Sharks have taken control of most of the First Residential District. Killings and brutalities are happening most days, and they're being hushed up. Only the key workers are keeping the industries alive."

"Children are going missing," Ollie adds. "All the kids on the street, the poor ones without a home, the orphans, they're disappearing like mad. We know they're not going up to New Pork City because they can't afford a carriage, and we know they're not at work because the factories are in decline. Someone is taking them away."

"Porky?" Ness guesses, but Ollie shakes his head.

"We don't think so. What use would Porky have for a load of orphans?"

"Geldegarde?" I suggest, the hairs on the back of my neck raising at the thought. But, no, Geldegarde isn't powerful enough, that's not possible…

The clocktower chimes for the end of the lesson.

"By the way, Headmaster Hand sent for a magical object," Angie says, packing her books into a large leather satchel. "Professor Byleth wrote to say he found it in your classroom. He said it was too important to be left there unattended. It arrived just before we left."

"The Psychic Stone," Ness realises. "That's not good."

"Not good at all," I say, but at least we know where it is. At this point, if there's a glimmer of hope, I'll cling to it.

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"Claus? Claus?!"

I wrench apart the curtains in the Theatre room. The others follow me, Toon Link burrowed in the costume box, Villager looking through a series of prop battle-axes, Red and Pit scouring the stage.

"Where could he be?" I demand, rounding on Ness, who quickly backs away. "He must be in the school somewhere, I'd feel it if he wasn't."

"He might not be!" Toon Link says, coming out of the box dressed as King Henry VII. "He could be anywhere. Down by the river, sitting in the forest, swimming in the lake…"

"He can't swim!" Red calls out, indignant. "And take off that ridiculous outfit."

"Oi, I'm royalty! You will address me as such, you mere peasant!"

I throw open the store cupboard, finding nothing inside. Even searching this room seems pointless. Claus has never been interested in acting, and deep in my gut, I know there is nobody here.

"I'm sorry, Lucas," Ness says quietly, sensing my frustration.

"I'm such a terrible brother." I cover my face with my hands, burning with shame. "What if he needs me? He might not even survive on his own."

"Perhaps he's more capable than you think," Villager reasons, coming over and patting me on the back with a plastic sword. "He survived for ages in the wilderness. I bet he could take whatever Porky throws at him."

"I don't know. I hardly know anything about him anymore. Sometimes he's like this child, but sometimes he's just..." I trail off. The others don't need to hear my worries. "Never mind. Let's just keep looking."

We give the theatre up as a lost cause. Feeling terrible, I go to my Politics class, which is made even worse by Ness leaving for Anthropology. Thanks to our Theatre detour, I'm ten minutes late, and Professor Sebastian Tute gives me a short telling-off before I take the last available seat… which is next to Ninten. As if my mood could get any worse.

"As I was saying," Sebastian Tute chirps. "Politics are just like music, except instead of woodwind competing with brass for attention, the left and the right compete for supremacy-"

"Hey," Ninten whispers. I grit my teeth. Be nice.

"Hey," I say, not looking at him.

"Look, uh, Lucas." Ninten fiddles with his bandanna, receiving a supportive nudge from Ana on his other side. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I know you're not happy with me, I know you weren't happy that Ness got drunk last night, and I'm sorry that you had to deal with him…" He cuts himself off from his rambles, vaguely gesticulating. "What I'm trying to say is, are we cool?"

No, screw you, threatens to form on my lips, but I miraculously bite that back. "Yeah. Sure."

"That's good, because, like..." He rubs the back of his neck. "I really wanted to make sure, 'cause I don't want you to think I'm taking Ness away or anything, I mean, I'm straight! So..."

"Shush!" I exclaim, somehow drawing even more attention to myself than Ninten. "Sorry, uh. It's not something to shout about…"

"Of course, of course!" Ninten says hurriedly, his face red with embarrassment. "Sorry, I'm really sorry. But, uhm, like, if you're ever uncomfortable with me being around Ness, or you think I'm acting out of line… you can let me know, yeah? I don't want to get in the way."

I nod. Of course, he's really nice about it all. Excellent. He has to make it that much more difficult to dislike him.

"I'll let you know," I say. "Thanks."

"No worries," Ninten says, going for a smile. "And if there's anything I can do in the meantime…?"

"Don't let Ness get drunk again?" I suggest, and Ninten laughs.

"Sure. Works for me. Thanks for being understanding, Lucas. I really appreciate it."

"No problem."

With the air somewhat cleared, I don't feel quite as tense, and I tune out Sebastian Tute's rambles about the musical nature of the Communist Manifesto. Ninten isn't outwardly a bad guy, but perhaps that's the problem I have with him. He's too nice, too perfect, in many ways the entire antithesis to everything I am. It bothers me when Ness talks so highly of him, and yes, I envy him. I have no trouble admitting that. But it's impossible not to when he talks so easily, expresses himself so well, and even more irritatingly, looks good in a bandanna.

"He's like my brother," Ness says later on, when I'm expressing my frustrations on the way to Art. "Also, don't worry. He's not my type. My type is small, skinny blondes."

I rub my neck, confused. "How can he be like a brother to you? You only just met him."

"I don't know." Ness shrugs cheerfully. "It's just how it is, I guess. He's cool, though. I don't know why you don't like him."

"Because I don't trust him," I say darkly, standing aside to let a frantic Wii Fit Trainer pass. I wince as his bag of hockey sticks swings into my side. "I think he could be up to something suspicious."

Ness laughs. "He's magic, like us! Have you ever heard of a bad magician?"

"Uh, yes? Have you ever read a fairy tale?"

"Well…" Ness tries to come up with a clever refute. "They're not real, you goof."

"You're the goof."

"No, you!"

Somehow, talking with Ness alleviates my worries, and I feel significantly better when Shulk leads us into the classroom. It feels weirdly nostalgic today, and I'm looking forward to completing a painting for the first time in a while.

"Good afternoon," Shulk says breezily, brandishing a handful of fresh-printed newspapers. "Since our times are looking bleak, I have decided that instead of creating artworks based on war, we'll be creating artworks based on love. I know that many have been asking their paramours to Prom, and I truly believe that expressing this love through the medium of art will benefit us all. From these headlines, extrapolate the joy amongst the sadness, the light amidst the shadow, the merriment amongst the-"

Ana clears her throat.

"Ah, sorry." Shulk smiles. "I do talk a lot, don't I? Off you go!"

The familiar scraping of stools rings out, students hurrying to get the best set of brushes.

"I'm going to paint you," Ness declares, withdrawing a particularly large canvas from the shelf.

"Really?" I unfurl my easel, being careful not to hit anyone in the shins with its mighty legs. "That's cheesy, why'd you want to do that?"

"Well, Shulk said to paint things we love, and I love you-"

I roll my eyes, but my cheeks are reddening. "Good luck. I'm sure my radiance will practically jump out of the page."

"Of course. If I paint you too accurately, the image might come to life and replace you."

"Maybe I should paint you too. Then our paint-selves can live in eternal harmony..."

"You already did that," Ness reminds me, and I blush. I'd forgotten that I painted us during his coma.

I slather a background of yellow onto my canvas in lieu of embarrassing myself further. I want to paint Claus, but he's too far away for me to get a grip on him. My subconscious isn't telling me that anything bad has happened, or that there is danger, but that doesn't stop me worrying.

Fortunately, I have a better idea.

When I was little, Mother would always tell me I was going to grow up to be kind, just like my grandfather. Mother valued kindness above everything, promoting love and generosity in our household, teaching us to give and not receive. That was why I loved Christmas so much, it meant I could give people presents.

Walking the snowy Tazmily market with my pocket money in hand was the best feeling ever. Market stalls drew me in, adorned with twisting holly and crimson berries, full of wonderful things I could give. A quaint wooden toy for Claus. A colourful bowl of fruit for Father. Even a jar of fancy coffee beans, which I remember giving Grandad Alec.

But I saved my favourite presents for Mother. Every year, I painted something different, a little pot plant, a happy little elf, a basket of flowers. After that, I wrapped up my works and put them under the tree. It was cathartic, I think. Painting was a way of storing my favourite memories. I knew which paintings were Mother's favourites, because she smiled when they were opened, hugged me tight, and promised she'd keep them safe.

And she always did. Sometimes I'd catch her looking through them on a warm summer's evening, smiling to herself. When she saw me, she'd bring me near and tell me how proud she was. How kind I would grow up to be.

I was well looked after as a child, blessed with more love than I knew what to do with. Perhaps that's why I never turned bitter after everything went wrong. Thanks to Ness's affections, I've never borne the weight of a day without love. Thanks to Mother's kindness, I was built on firm foundations, a solid rock upon which to set my morals. That's why I'm going to find Claus again.

Because he's got eight years of love to catch up on.

"That's a pretty painting," Ness says, coming over to observe my work. "Is that you when you were little?"

"Yeah, and that's Claus." I point to an orange bundle of hair sticking out of a pile of blankets. "And that's Mother." I point to a figure amongst the sunflowers.

"You were a cute kid. What happened to you?"

"Hey!" I complain, and Ness grins, slinging an arm around me.

"Have you seen Nana's picture, by the way? I don't think she's in a very good mood…"

I look over. Replacing her usual standard of a colourful vegetable is a canvas painted completely black.

"Looks like she didn't take your rejection well," Ness says. "She's gone all edgy."

"But that was more than a week ago," I say, concerned. Even if I don't like her romantically, she's still a nice enough person. "She has to be over me, right?"

"I dunno, if I got turned down by someone as amazing as you, I don't think I'd be happy for years..."

"I'm going to talk to her," I decide. "Don't destroy anything while I'm gone."

"No promises!"

Rolling my eyes, I approach Nana and her midnight canvas. In retrospect, perhaps I should've spoken to her sooner, considering her brother started glowing purple and collapsed in view of the entire school. But, as seems to be the constant theme of today, I can't do everything at once.

"Hey," I begin. Nana turns, looking glassy.

"Hey."

"Are you okay?" I ask. It sounds stupid.

"Yes," Nana says matter-of-factly. She forces a smile. "Thank you for asking."

"Are you sure?" I eye the painting. On her brush, there is only black paint. "That doesn't look like something you love."

"Yes, I am sure," Nana says robotically. "I am painting the darkness."

"You, um, love the darkness?"

"Yes." Nana turns back to her work, plastering further layers of black paint upon the canvas. I look back to Ness, desperate, but he only shrugs.

"Well, uh, if you're sure, I'll be off," I say, feeling foolish. "If you need anything, you can let me know, okay?"

"Okay," she says stiffly.

I move to leave, but Ness gives me a pointed look, and I remember what Pit asked us to do.

"By the way, a group of us are meeting later to figure out what happened to your brother…"

Nana's ears prick up, and her eyes meet mine, glinting with something unfamiliar.

"I'll be there."

.

.

.

.

.

"Come on, it wasn't that bad!" Ness protests as we make our way towards Toon Link's dorm, the site for our meeting. "I thought I captured your likeness quite well."

"You painted me with three eyes."

"Well, hey! I'm an abstract artist! What did you expect?"

"Not to be depicted as a biblically accurate angel?"

Ness snorts with laughter, pushing through Toon Link's door. To my surprise, there is quite a substantial gathering within, and nerves swell in my throat. I hate public speaking, let alone when it's public speaking to convince everyone that Porky Minch is evil and magic is real. What am I going to say?

Toon Link hails us as we come in, Pit smiling ruefully near the front. Ness seems a lot more at ease than me, but perhaps that's because Ninten's at the back of the room, Ana on one side, his vacant-looking friend Lloyd on the other. Bayonetta makes most of the noise, ignoring Samus on her left and instead talking merrily to a confused Paula, who looks as if she's not entirely sure what she's doing. She smiles at Ness, though, and gives him a small wave.

There are others, too. Ollie and Angie are sitting behind Jeff and Tony, the latter of which is spinning his hat in his hands. A boy who I faintly recognise as Mii shoots Ana several repeated glances, while Nana watches the scene play out with a blank expression. Even Hop and Victor are here, looking a little bit out of place among the older faces.

"I practically had to drag Beta Boy along," Toon Link whispers, and with a shock I spot Link stepping into the room, Zelda with him. "He owes me a favour, though, and the prospect of a duel excited him."

"I hope they don't duel in here..." Villager wrings his hands, looking uncharacteristically tense. "I'm not sure if this was such a great idea, Pit-"

"We need the numbers," Pit says firmly. "We have to beat Porky. This is our best chance."

Villager gives Toon Link a Pit's getting militant again look, but he doesn't say anything more. Instead, he makes room for the last few late arrivals to sit down on Toon Link's bed, most of whom I don't know by name, but who I recognise as various acquaintances of Villager and Red.

Pit stands.

"Well! Good afternoon, everybody, it's nice to-"

"Where's the chocolate?" A particularly large-looking individual demands.

Pit sighs, bringing out several bars of chocolate and doling them out to the guests. "I had to bribe some of them," he says under my inquisitive gaze.

The idea doesn't fill me with much hope.

"Is that good enough, Morton?" Pit asks. The large boy licks his chocolate-covered lips, looking like a kid in a candy store.

"Definitely."

"Good," Pit says. "Anyway, as you all know, Porky Minch has been reigning havoc — yes, Bayonetta?"

"I was promised heroin," Bayonetta sulks. "Not chocolate."

"We talked about this," Paula tries to say, but Bayonetta waves her off, looking insistent. I half expect Pit to procure a vial of the stuff, but thankfully he doesn't.

"You must have misheard. Anyway, so, Porky's been causing a lot of problems, right? Which means-"

But there's a knock at the door. I look at it in trepidation, half expecting Porky to come bursting in. However, when the door is opened, there are two people I don't recognise.

"Nichol! Richie!" Toon Link exclaims, but I'm not listening. I'm more distracted by the person walking in behind them.

"Claus!" I shout, relief washing over me, and his face lights up. He hurries over, and I pull him into a big hug.

"Where have you been? Claus, I was worried sick-"

"Friends," Claus says happily. "They're from Tazmily."

"Friends? Who, these two?"

Claus nods, smiling broadly. Nichol claps him on the back, wearing a sharp bow tie.

"That's right. Lucas, ain't it? My sister and I lived in Tazmily-"

"-Before we moved to Onett," Richie says pleasantly. "Of course, we recognised Claus right away-"

Pit clears his throat, and we all turn back to the front, my heart feeling considerably fuller than it did a few minutes ago. He's made friends. It's like having the old social-butterfly Claus back again. He sits next to me, and I resolve to ask him about everything later.

"Anyway," Pit continues. "Porky has been wreaking havoc in our school. For those of you who don't know, I had a twin brother... called Dark Pit. Before the Wilderness Survival Week, me and him were lured into catacombs beneath the ground. Dark Pit was taken away from me, and he was killed without mercy, without honour, without anyone to hear him scream." Pit hardens his jaw. "You see, Porky Minch was behind everything that happened. He took whoever he wished, with Crazy Hand masquerading as Headmaster Hand to do his bidding. Now, Porky himself is our headmaster, and he's inflicting more suffering than ever before. We have to stop him!"

Pit steps back, dramatically surveying his audience. Even Link's eyes are wide, absorbing the new information.

"How do you expect to do that?" Jeff asks warily, having polished off his bar of chocolate. "You told me yourself, Porky is strong, he's powerful-"

"I should've known he was evil!" Bayonetta withdraws a pistol from her top, holding it in the air. "No wonder he's been curfewing us. I swear, I'll blast that arse to pieces-"

"Yeah," Ninten says enthusiastically. "But, perhaps with less arse explosion."

"There are quite a few of us," Pit reasons, "Which is just as well. Porky's Prom is coming up tomorrow, and we suspect he has some kind of plan."

"What?" Bayonetta complains. "You mean, I purchased that bouquet for nothing?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Well!" Bayonetta withdraws a vast array of plants, ranging from tulips to daffodils to a few sprigs of stinging nettles. "This is for you, Paula. I was going to ask you to prom later on, but it seems the time has come early..."

"Oh!" Paula gathers the bouquet, rather flustered. "How lovely. What is a prom? We don't have them in Twoson..."

"It's a kind of formal dance," Richie explains.

"Tazmily?" Morton roars, pointing a massive finger. "The enemy!"

"Hey!" Toon Link stands. "Don't be racist!"

"Their troops are destroying our city!"

"Enough!" Pit exclaims, now brandishing a particularly large sheet of parchment paper. "Porky's prom isn't the only issue we have to contend with. As you all know, some people have been collapsing. We're not entirely certain if Porky is behind this or not, but what we are certain of is that action needs to be taken."

I feel a few sets of eyes flickering towards me, and Villager stands up.

"I just wanted to say," he says, his voice shaking a little. "I know some people suspect Lucas and Ness of causing these collapses, but I want to say, that's a ridiculous idea. Mega Man was my friend and theirs, and I know they'd never want to hurt him."

"But they're sodomites!" Morton exclaims. Toon Link shoots him a withering look.

"Do you plan to offend every single minority here tonight?"

"Yes," Morton says. "As a matter of fact, I can't stand people with glasses. It makes their eyes look so massive, you know? Like frogs. People with glasses are frogs."

"I am not a frog," Ollie protests. "That is a foolish notion."

"Quite preposterous," Red agrees, and the two share an appreciative glance.

"Villager's right," Pit says, nodding in our direction. "Whoever's causing the collapses, I am certain they are not in this room. Now, onto the matter of tomorrow, Porky has left us a riddle-"

Mii snorts. "A riddle? What is this, primary school?"

"What you have to understand about Porky," Pit says evenly, "Is that he is very confident in his plans. He would like nothing more than to give us clues, to give us as much help as he can, so he can boast. Something about his deeds concerns Ness and Lucas, and from what I've observed, their obedience is of the utmost importance to him. He's like a puppetmaster, trying to manipulate everyone to, as he puts it, play his game."

"It's true," Ness says. "He thinks he can't be beaten. He's planning something tomorrow, and it's going to be big. We're going to need all the help we can get."

"But what help can we give?" Samus asks doubtfully, a few others nodding and humming their agreement.

"Fighting, mostly," Pit says, and Link cheers, suddenly bursting into action.

"Joyous times! I shall slay the Pork Man myself."

"I don't think so!" Bayonetta whips out her pistol. "A couple of shots with this bad boy…"

"Why do you have a gun, Bayonetta?" Ana asks, shrinking away from the weapon, which is being waved around without much caution.

"Ah, it's for the heroin junkies. Some of them are wild, y'know? They'll do anything for a fix…"

"Violence is never the answer," Red says.

"Violence is the question," Link says, cracking his knuckles. "The answer is yes."

"How are we supposed to fight, anyway?" Jeff asks, looking dubious. "You told me about those things — the Future Humans — are we going to be fighting them?"

"Possibly," Pit says grimly. "Either way, I want to make one thing clear: there isn't any obligation for any of you to help us. It's a dangerous business, and if you'd rather stay away, that's completely understandable."

"Nah, we'll fight," Ninten calls from the back, sitting up a little straighter. "Porky's caused a lot of harm to a lot of people, and I say if he means to continue, then we should stop him!"

I shift a little, discomforted by the enthusiasm. I'm not entirely sure if some of these people understand what's being asked of them.

"Are you sure?" Ollie says, looking around worriedly at us all. "We're not strong enough. What chance do we have?"

"Well," Toon Link says before Pit can answer. "That's where our secret weapon comes in. Ness, Lucas, would you care to demonstrate?"

Pit nods his approval. My mind goes blank, but Ness stands, and I follow his lead.

"Indeed. We're magicians," Ness says bluntly. There are muted gasps of surprise. Tony drops his chocolate on the floor. Little Mac hides a noise of surprise with a cough.

"Magic is illegal!" Morton shouts, standing up and pointing at our heads. "You know, I really hate magicians, all coming into this city, taking our jobs-"

"It's true," I say, willing my voice to stay balanced. "We've got abilities that can help us in battle. We can summon ice, fire, thunder... all sorts. The only problem is that Porky's technically invulnerable to all of that."

A lot of people look unconvinced.

"Prove it," Richie says, staring at my hands. "Show us some magic."

"Alright," Ness says. "Cover your eyes... PK THUNDER!"

The effect is immediate. There's a mighty crash. Several people scream, and a roar of thunder tears through the room. A blinding light darts into the window. Glass shatters. Cold wind rushes in. The noise dies down, and Ness has to catch his breath.

"That was more powerful than I expected," he says meekly. "Sorry, Toon Link..."

"My room," Toon Link bemoans, shivering from the invading cold. "My poor room..."

"The glass broke from inside," Ollie observes. "The shards went outside. Impressive."

"Indeed," Pit says, taking back the attention of the now-shivering audience. I sit down next to Claus, feeling rather awkward and very cold. Ness wraps me in a hug. "So, yeah," Pit continues. "We've got magic. Which means that-"

But whatever it means, we do not find out. From next to Ninten, Lloyd staggers to his feet, his legs shaking, his arms spasming like they've been shot.

"Four," he rasps.

Purple light erupts from his face.