Chapter 16- Gone

Andromeda, bless her, had good timing.

As they edged tentatively into February pressure began to mount from all directions for them to do something 'special' as a 'couple' for Valentine's Day. Not that anyone actually vocalised this. It was just there, hanging over them both like a depressing, heart shaped spectre.

They received an official St Mungo's owl from Ruth on the morning of the 13th to say that Andromeda had awoken after more than eight months in the cursed coma. It was being hailed as a huge leap forward in magical medical healing. Several years ago, the Healers said, they would never have expected her to wake up.

Harry found it hard to be thrilled when his future was so uncertain. When Bear's future was now so uncertain. He was relieved, of course, that Andromeda would be okay, but there was still that nagging 'but' at the back of his mind…

He and Draco rushed to the hospital to visit the very tired, very weak woman and gain a better understanding of where this left them. According to the Healer in charge of Andromeda's care, it would only take about a week to build her back up to her full strength, such was the power of the restorative and healing potions that they had at their disposal.

One week.

It felt like a sentence.

The owl from Madame O' Connell was not unexpected. The date for the new hearing was set for ten days in advance of her letter. Harry considered contacting Hermione, then Molly, or McGonagall, but no one could really help them. This wasn't a custody battle – they had never been granted custody in the first place. They were just temporary guardians.

"What are we going to do?" Harry whispered, late one night, in the dark, begging Draco for an answer.

"Nothing," Draco said, rolling over. "There's nothing we can do."

The mood inside Grimmauld Place became increasingly depressed as the days ticked past… six more days with Bear, four more days, it's okay, we still have the weekend, tomorrow…

It was left to Harry to pack up the nursery. Draco refused to go in there.

On the morning of the hearing they packed a bag, packed up their Bear, and left without speaking one word to each other. The process was treated as a simple handing over of the baby. Andromeda had been reunited with her grandson at St Mungo's by Ruth, who had intervened on behalf of Draco and Harry. After each of them had laid a quick kiss on his head, it was done. And he was gone.

"It's not like we won't ever see him again," Harry said as they rode in the lift back to the Atrium. "He's only with Andromeda."

"I know."

"She even said that we can go over there whenever we like."

"I know."

"Will you just talk to me?"

Draco met his eyes for a brief moment. "No."

xXx

The house was eerily silent when they returned. Of course it's quiet, Harry thought to himself. There's no one here.

Andromeda didn't have everything she needed to take care of an almost one- year- old child; after all, he'd only been three months old when she last saw him. So they'd packed most of the clothes, some of the toys and little bits of baby paraphernalia that had taken over their lives and sent it back off to the house that was Bear's new home.

He didn't even know if he'd be 'Bear' any more. Maybe he'd go back to being Teddy again.

Draco was withdrawing himself, almost visibly back into his shell where it would take hours or days to get him back again.

"Come here," Harry said, drawing the other man down onto the sofa.

"I can't believe he's really gone."

"I know. I know."

It was a strange sort of evening. There was no third person to cook for, no one to worry about getting changed for bed and bedtime stories and the inherent calmness of the last bottle before bed where they'd all three curl up together for a few minutes. The conspectus charms couldn't be switched off and Harry couldn't help but flick his eyes to it every few minutes, looking for reassurance because something in his belly was saying that something was wrong.

The sight of the empty crib made him feel sick. All his worst nightmares had come true, but that was selfish and he tried to bury those feelings under the happiness that Andromeda had recovered to a stage where she could take her grandson home.

No matter how many times Harry told himself that Bear was home, he had trouble believing his own protestations.

It didn't matter, either, that Draco said he had work to be getting on with after they had finished dinner, and needed some peace and quiet so he could work. Harry knew that he wasn't in the basement brewing something spectacular – he was down there sulking.

When the clock in the hall chimed midnight, Harry rose from his lonely spot in the living room and stretched before wandering down through the house.

There was a smoky, almost lavender scent coming up from the basement and it only grew stronger as Harry ducked through the door to the basement and descended the wooden stairs.

"Hey," he called, hoping not to startle Draco.

He jumped anyway. The grey eyes were bright and filled with excitement. "I've got it."

"Got what?"

"The Dreamless Sleep variation. I've been testing it for hours and it's definitely there."

Harry allowed himself to smile. "That's fantastic. Well done."

"I knew it was something in the brewing that was causing the problems, because the ingredients were perfectly balanced and it was just a case of varying the heat… it needs to boil before it simmers then –" he broke off suddenly. "I'm boring you."

"No, you're not," Harry said.

He walked over to the other man and gently brushed strands of hair back from his face. Draco's hair was getting long again but he didn't seem to be in any hurry to cut it. He was, however, very vocal in insisting that Harry get his own unruly mess cropped short. Molly Weasley had done the honours. Harry was loathed to admit that he liked it… but he sort of did. It made him look older.

With genuine happiness for Draco's success, Harry pulled him into a hug. They stood shoulder to shoulder, almost the same height but Draco having the advantage if they were pressed to acknowledge it. He smelled, Harry realised, like cigarette smoke again, baby powder, and potions.

"It's late," Draco murmured. "We should go to bed."

"Will all this be okay overnight?"

Draco waved his wand and extinguished the few fires that were still burning under the iron cauldrons. "Now it will."

They Apparated back to Draco's room, not having to worry about the pop and crack waking the baby. Harry took the bathroom first, brushing his teeth and changing before heading back to Draco's bed automatically. Thinking back, he couldn't remember the last time he slept in his own.

When he returned, Harry opened his arms to Draco and hoped that the other man recognised this need for comfort. The pale skin was cold from the tiled bathroom floor. Harry knew things were okay when icy feet were pressed into his warm thighs.

"I'm not a bloody radiator, you know," he said, not really annoyed.

"No. You're much snugglier."

"Is it wrong to miss him this much?"

"I hope not. I want him back, Harry."

"Me too."

Harry extinguished the lights but left the bedroom door open. From where they were lying he could see straight across into the empty nursery. Draco had tucked his head under Harry's chin, the rest of him sprawled half over Harry's upper body. Harry folded his arms around Draco's back and sighed.

"Do you think we should talk about stuff?" he asked.

"Like what?" Draco sounded amused.

"I dunno. School stuff. Our very colourful history."

"Why would we want to talk about that?"

"Stop answering questions with questions," Harry laughed. He leaned down to kiss Draco's hair. "You can't argue that this isn't weird at times."

"It's weird because I spent the better part of two years lusting after you," Draco said, determinedly playing with Harry's happy trail. "It's weird because it feels like a dream some days. Being here with you."

"I wish I'd known that at school."

"Why?" Draco said, pulling harder on the fine hairs. "So you could use it against me?"

"I would never have used something like that against you," Harry said, affronted. "It would have shocked the living hell out of me, yes, but I wouldn't have blackmailed you or anything."

"Or Sectumsepra-ed me?"

"That's out of order."

"Yeah, I know," Draco sighed. "I'm sorry. Talking about this stuff hurts, you know?"

"Everything hurts, Draco," Harry said, his arms, which had stiffened with the insult relaxing again as he cradled Draco's body against him. "All of this shit in our past. None of it smells of bloody roses."

"What about your aunt and uncle."

"What about them?" Harry sounded tired, Draco noticed.

"Did you tell them that it's over?"

"No. Someone from the Ministry sent them a message. I suppose they've moved back to Little Whinging now it's safe."

"But they're your only family..." Draco started, but Harry was already shaking his head.

"They're not my family. I've known that since I was old enough to talk."

"That's... really sad," Draco said eventually.

"Will you stay?" Harry asked. It was the biggest question of them all. The question about family had got to him more than he'd ever admit aloud. Draco and Bear had been his family, for six glorious months, and made him feel normal again. To lose Draco too...

Draco buried his face in Harry's neck. "Please don't do this to me."

"I don't want you to leave. But I can't force you to stay."

"We don't have an excuse, any more," Draco's voice was muffled. "There's no reason for me to be here."

"I'm here."

"I know."

"I don't want to lose you too."

They were silent for an incredibly long time as they both seemed to consider this last statement. Then, when Harry was right on the edge of sleep, Draco whispered: "You won't."

xXx

"Thanks for coming today, Harry," Miranda said, gesturing for them to sit.

He was surprised at the woman who sat in front of him. Draco's therapist was much younger than he expected, probably only in her early twenties. Fashionably dressed in clothes that emphasised her curves, her face was warm and smiling but the notebook she had set on her lap was a constant reminder of why they were there.

Miranda tucked a lock of her dark, straight hair behind her ear and cocked her head to the side just slightly, waiting for his response.

"Oh. No problem."

"I'm not sure how much Draco has told you about our sessions together..."

"Not a lot," Draco admitted. "I just think, after this week, Harry probably needs to talk about stuff just as much as I do."

Miranda nodded. "That's fair."

"I have a question," Harry said quickly, blushing as he interrupted the flow of the conversation.

"Go on," she encouraged.

"I, uh, I know these reports are filed with the Ministry. I don't know... how much do you know about..." Harry waved his hand in the space between himself and Draco, not wanting anything to go on record.

Draco smirked and tried to hide it. Miranda smiled reassuringly.

"I'm very selective in what I report back," Miranda said. "Draco and I rarely discuss Dark magic, which, if I'm honest, is all the Ministry is really concerned about. There isn't any need for them to know about his personal life."

"Okay. Good."

"It was a genuine concern," she commented. "Why do you think you have this concern about people knowing about your relationship with Draco?"

"You don't understand," Harry said. "People won't like it when they find out about us."

"What makes you feel that?"

"We had a very public dislike of each other at school. And this has happened so quickly..."

"Forgive me," Miranda said, flicking back through her notebook, "but I thought you and Draco had been intimate for six months or more?"

Harry turned to the other man, frowning.

"Don't look at me like that," Draco admonished. "You can't lie to your shrink. It's against the rules."

Draco smiled softly and put his hand on Harry's knee.

"Can I ask you something?" Harry asked Miranda. Draco's hand hadn't moved.

"Of course."

"What do you think of this?"

Miranda laughed. "It's not for me to judge, Harry."

"I'm not asking you to judge, just to tell me what you think. Hardly anyone knows about us. I want to know how it looks from the outside."

She sat back, crossing her feet at the ankles. "It's hard to say, really, because I'm only meeting you for the first time today. I don't think Draco will mind me saying he's changed an awful lot since he moved in with you, for the better, of course. You've been very good for him, and I can only hope you feel the same way in return.

"What I'm interested in, is how you think your relationship will progress now you don't have Bear as a common denominator."

Draco lifted his hand from Harry's knee and ran it through his hair. It was a subtle move, but one that freed Harry from his touch nonetheless.

"I think we'd both like to know the answer to that," Harry said drily.

"Okay, how would you like it to proceed?"

Harry chewed his bottom lip as he thought how to phrase his wants, his desires for their relationship. "I would like Draco to stay," he said eventually.

"Stay living with you?" Miranda asked.

"Yes."

"Draco, how do you feel about that?"

"It's not as easy as that," Draco growled, frustrated. "My mother will be released in a few months and she's going to want her son and her Manor, not an empty house and her only child shacked up with another man."

"Maybe you underestimate your mother," Miranda said. "Surely she'll be happy in your happiness?"

"No," Draco said stubbornly.

"Okay," Miranda said, seemingly unaffected by Draco's childishness. "How about if you still had Bear? Would that change things?"

"Of course it would!" Draco exclaimed.

"Is there any reason why you couldn't continue to be his primary carers?"

"We always knew he wasn't ours to keep," Harry interjected.

"Have you raised the possibility of taking him back with Mrs Tonks?"

"Well, she's hardly going to want to give him back to us when she only just got him herself, is she?" Draco said, rolling his eyes.

"You won't know unless you ask her," Miranda said. "Maybe you can discuss that more between the two of you." Then she changed the subject. "I'm interested in your identity as a gay man, Harry. You've already mentioned your concerns about the way your relationship will be viewed."

"I don't know if I have an identity as a gay man. I'm sort of just me."

Miranda smiled. "Okay. Let me put it another way. If it weren't for Draco, would you still consider yourself to be gay? Is it your relationship with him in particular that you fear being taken negatively, or being gay in general?"

Harry shrugged and considered the knee of his jeans. In detail.

"Harry," Draco said and Harry looked up. "Would you tell Mrs Weasley about us?" Harry's jaw dropped a little bit.

"But you hate the Weasleys!"

"I do not," Draco said huffily. "She's the closest thing you have to a mother, Harry. If you were really not ashamed to be with me, then you would tell her."

"Okay," Harry said, throwing his hands up in defence. "Yes, I think I'm still gay, even if it wasn't for Draco. No, I probably wouldn't be as in tune with my sexuality if it weren't for him because it's well documented that I am very capable of repressing my feelings. Yes I will tell Molly about our relationship."

"Wait, what?" Draco said, shaking his head. "That's a lot to take in all at once."

Harry reached across and took Draco's hand. "This is important to me. I'm not very experienced when it comes to relationships and I'm even less experienced when it comes to sex, but you make me want to try to get better at it."

"Sex or relationships?" Draco asked. His lips twitched into a smile.

"Okay, lets get this back on track," Miranda said. "Harry, do you have any particular issues you want to raise about sex or your relationship?"

"Too many to mention."

"Anything in particular?" she pressed.

"No. I think we can figure it out for ourselves, actually. I'm sort of looking forward to that bit."

"Okay," Miranda said. "So, for next time I would like for you to come up with some ideas on how you can progress the situation with Andromeda and Bear. You don't have to have definite answers, just some ideas. Do you think you can do that?"

Harry nodded, looking to Draco for reassurance. He got it with a gentle squeeze on his hand.

"Well done, Harry," she said with a smile, closing her notepad. "We sort of threw you in at the deep end today. You did really well."

"You want me to come back?" he asked.

Miranda cocked her head to the side, considering him. "I would like you to. You're under no obligation, of course. But I think it's sort of twisted how the Ministry thinks that Draco needs help dealing with the mental and psychological effects of the War, and you don't."

It was left like that, in Harry's hands to make a decision on how he wanted to take things forward. Draco, of course, didn't have a choice in the matter.

That night, in bed, Harry curved himself around the arch of Draco's back, aligning their bodies like pieces of a very simple puzzle. As Draco rocked his hips back, pressing his arse into Harry's groin, Harry felt himself grow hard.

They were both bare chested, this being the norm for them now, and the presence of a warm body next to him dispelled Harry's need to wear pyjama bottoms. So they just wore boxers to bed.

Feeling that Draco's seduction was deliberate, Harry flattened his palm on Draco's chest and gently ran it over the soft skin. The presence of scar tissue meant that Draco had few hairs there, unlike Harry who had always liked the manliness of the hairs on his own chest. But Draco was undoubtedly beautiful in his own way.

"When did you get such nice abs?" Harry said, teasing, his breath dancing over Draco's exposed shoulder.

"Red potion," Draco recited, "For strength and muscle tone."

Harry laughed. "You've been taking it all this time?"

"It wasn't so hard to find out what was in it. I just distilled it down and separated the individual components, then reassembled it in the most logical formula."

"You're so clever."

"Mm."

Their hips were rolling together more insistently now and Harry ran his fingertips over a strong hipbone, eliciting an excited shiver from his bedmate.

"Draco..."

"Yes?"

"Can we... can we have sex like this?"

He meant the position and the repeated shiver from Draco suggested he understood.

"I don't see why not. I never have before, though."

"I'll make it good for you, I promise."

For the first time, Draco broke position, looking back over his shoulder and gently trailing the back of his fingers over Harry's cheekbone.

"You always do."

Harry caught the fingers between his lips in a brief kiss, then kicked of his boxers under the covers. Draco laughed softly and followed suit, then snuggled back into Harry's warm embrace.

The small tin of lubricant was Summoned from the bedside drawer and Harry noticed, with a little embarrassment, that they were running low. Not that they needed to use very much; the substance in the tin was almost waxy, but in the heat of his hand would turn to slippery liquid.

He worked it into Draco with gentle, measured strokes, kissing the back of the other man's neck and shoulder. Draco had pulled his top leg up to his chest for better access and was almost whimpering with pleasure as Harry sought out his sweet spot.

After the third finger was inside Draco, Harry took his time making sure he was relaxed and stretched, always hyperaware of not wanting to hurt him. But he was also aware of the little noises that Draco would make when he was close to orgasm, and pulled his fingers out before that could happen.

"Okay?" Harry asked.

"Yeah. Please," Draco said, his incoherency somehow a turn on.

Harry used some of the lubricant to slick up his cock, then moved so they were in the same, knees to backs of knees, chest to back, ass to groin position that they had snuggled in before. He slipped his right arm under Draco's neck, his palm flat on Draco's chest and his left hand gripped Draco's hip as he slowly eased himself into Draco's hot, tight asshole.

Draco whimpered.

"Okay?" Harry asked again.

"Yes. So good." He gasped again as Harry pushed forward until his hips met the soft resistance of Draco's smooth cheeks.

Harry turned his head and rested his face on Draco's shoulder. This was sex with a slow intensity they hadn't experienced before. The position left no room for thrusting, instead, their movements were a deep grind of hips on hips.

At some point Draco's fingers found Harry's, the ones that had been wrapped around his hip, and tangled them together. Harry could feel Draco's toes curling with intense pleasure as the head of his cock gently bumped against Draco's sweet spot. And the noises they were making were incredible; breathtaking gasps and low, deep moans of pleasure.

"Draco," Harry murmured, trying out the other boy's name on his lips while lost in the act of sex. "Oh god, Draco."

It sounded different to how Harry said the word during the day. Draco. 'If you're making tea, I'll have one, Draco.' Draco. 'Draco, did you put the bins out?' Draco. 'I swear to god, Draco, if you don't tidy up your shit I'm going to Vanish the lot of it.' Draco.

This was different. This was intense, passionate, the last, round Oh of his name giving way to the most natural, soft whimper from the back of his throat. This was 'Draco, I want you'. Draco.

Suddenly, their movements were charged with a new kind of electric intensity. There was still no room to move, but Draco dragged Harry's hand to his neglected cock, taking it in his own hand and directing Harry's to his balls.

When Draco came, he arched his back and cried out, hot spunk spurting up against his belly.

When Harry came he buried his face in Draco's neck and rode through the lack of oxygen to his brain, shuddering with the intensity of just being inside someone else who was feeling it too.

Draco cast a cleaning spell against himself and, chuckling softly, rearranged Harry's arm from its compromising position. Harry didn't pull out; he kept his lips gently moving over Draco's neck and shoulder as his cock softened and eventually withdrew. Then he cast a cleaning spell.

"Are you okay?" Draco asked, his voice still carrying a tone of light amusement.

"No. I'm dead."

Laughing, Draco turned in Harry's arms and kissed him softly on the mouth. "Turn over. Let me hold you for a bit."

Harry complied and let his body be manipulated until he was being tightly held in Draco's strong arms. He let his hands roam against the tightly corded muscles in Draco's forearms and hummed gently in contentment.

"Please don't leave me, Draco. I don't know what I'd do if you left."

Draco kissed his shoulder. "Harry, where else... am I supposed to go?"

A/N: Well, a lot of you saw the storm clouds on the horizon. The problem with writing gritty, real drama is sometimes in gritty, real life shit happens. Things will brighten up eventually.
I will make a confession. My Queer as Folk boxset turned up weekend before last and I've spent every single day watching it. This is the girl who maybe watches 2 hours of TV a week. My writing schedule has gone down the pan! I just fell in love with a tall, dark haired guy who has thighs to die for. *le sigh*