In from the cold? Never a more apt title, unless of course you are 'enjoying' a rather more tropical climate ... Anyway, onwards ...
Millie woke shortly before seven and immediately plunged into guilt for having had a restful night. Of course, it wouldn't have been possible without that half pill but even so, it didn't seem right, not in the circumstances. Not when her mother, she stopped herself shortly. Wallowing in misery wasn't going to help anyone, least of all herself. Taking a deep breath, she pushed back the sheets and rolled out of bed to draw back the curtains to look out at the garden beyond, a work of art in late summer. The grass was looking rather parched in places, but the rest was a richly painted canvas of green trees and shrubs, mingling with a rainbow mixture of flowers. To the amateur eye, it might look randomly arranged but Millie knew her mother's talent for organisation better than to believe that. Each plant would have been painstakingly plotted to give it the best chance of flourishing and performing its task. It was the same with her diary, the backbone of her busy daily life. Sondra's appointments and errands always perfectly ordered to make maximum use of every hour of every day. When he wasn't feeling quite so antagonistic towards his eldest daughter's career of choice, Richard often joked it was this family trait for order and control which had driven Millie into the police service unlike his youngest child's more carefree attitude towards timekeeping. She furrowed her brow, thinking about the diary. There wasn't much else she could do, but she could do what her mother would expect of her.
Max had tossed and turned for hours, eventually falling into a fitful sleep some time after four. He couldn't be sure what woke him abruptly at about seven, must have been a noise from the road behind the flat. Groggily he forced his eyes to stay open and rolled over to pull the body he had been dreaming of into him. Full consciousness hit him when he remembered that she wasn't there. It wasn't the normal grouchy disappointment that she was absent because of their different shift patterns, rather the gut wrenching knowledge that she didn't want to be with him at a time when she should need him most. He flopped back down and rested his head onto his hands, it was still early, time enough to drive up to Epping and try to get through to her again.
Nearly an hour later as he drove along the lane towards the Brown family house and past the unmarked car containing a couple of plain clothed officers, two figures and a dog emerged from the woods opposite the gate leading into the driveway. One, dressed in nothing more than a singlet and short shorts, gave him a small wave as they opened the gate letting him drive in before they shut it behind his car. The other smiled sadly, her still dreadlocked hair messily tied up away from her face. She shared the same cheekbones as her sister and there was undoubtedly similarity round the mouth, but her eyes belonged to their father and he saw nothing there that moved him in the same way as Millie did.
By the time he got out of the car the couple were nearly upon him. Charlie had already made herself known and Max was fondly rubbing her ears, picking out the debris acquired from her walk in the woods.
"Hello, mate!" greeted Guy as Max drew himself up to standing, wincing as he got an eyeful of bulging yellow shorts into the bargain.
"Hi," he addressed them both quietly, taking note that up close Tara looked awful. Dark circles ringed her eyes, puffy no doubt from crying. "I'm sorry, but I'm not here with any news. I just thought I'd ..." he began quickly before trailing off at Tara's crestfallen expression. "Anyway, how are you all doing?"
Tara's bottom lip wobbled and she shrugged her shoulders, looking down at the ground. She turned in towards Guy who raised a protective arm around her shoulders, kissing the top of her head. Max had to look away, angry that not only was Guy welcome where he was not, but also that Tara readily took the affection offered to her by her lover, where Millie would not.
"Coffee? And breakfast? Eggs, bacon. I've got the lot ready to go."
"Guy's determined to make us eat," murmured Tara.
"Well, I don't want your Mum to be angry that I've let you lot waste away when she comes home," exclaimed Guy warmly. "Pity that I haven't been able to get Richard to eat though. He hasn't come out of his study since yesterday. Perhaps you ... I mean, I don't think he likes me all that much."
"Coffee, thanks," accepted Max, ignoring Guy's suggestion for now but noting how the Australian interloper didn't refer to Richard as Dick as he did at their first meeting, perhaps he wasn't really so coarse after all. "Is Millie ..."
"Inside I guess, she was in the kitchen when we went out," answered Guy. "Does she know you're-"
"No," interrupted Max curtly. "I thought she might be sleeping, so I didn't call," he added, avoiding having to acknowledge that Millie might not be entirely receptive to his visit.
"Oh, well then, you'd better come in," mumbled Guy into Tara's hair.
Max followed Guy and Tara in through the boot room to the kitchen, Charlie excitedly dodging in and out of his legs. He didn't know what to expect but the sight of Millie, her hair severely pulled back and without a scrap of makeup on her skin, with telephone in one hand pressed to her ear and pen in the other, head bent over what appeared to be a diary surprised him. Perhaps he thought she might be forlornly curled up on the sofa, morning tea in hand, waiting for him to arrive. But unlike her sister, there was no trace of puffiness around her eyes and lips which was always a sign of her crying. He was no stranger to the aftermath of her tears, he'd caused them often enough. Yet her skin was smooth, maybe paler than usual but otherwise untouched by the on-going trauma.
She must have known he was there, must have heard him talking outside the house, but she gave no indication that she was even aware of his existence in the room. "Millie?" he prompted, placing a hand tentatively on her shoulder as he came to stand beside her.
Millie held her breath at his touch. Wasn't this what she wanted, for him to come to her? She was just about to turn to him and crumple when a woman's voice spoke in her ear, making her sit up straighter and dislodge his fingers which slipped away regretfully. "Oh, hello. Is that Sue Amstell?" She tried to force some brightness into her tone but even to her ears it sounded unnaturally flat. "Um, yes I'm Sondra Brown's daughter. I'm just calling to let you know she won't be able to make it to her Pilates session this morning ... no, er, she ... she had to go away for a few days ... yes, it was unexpected ... um, no I won't make another appointment at the moment, she'll ... she'll call you ... yes, yes, thank you." Despite this having been the third telephone call she'd made, every word still felt like a torment.
"What are you doing?" he asked softly.
"What does it sound like?" she answered coolly. "I'm cancelling Mum's appointments. She wouldn't want anyone waiting for her or being let down because she didn't turn up."
"You don't have to do this?"
"Well nobody else is going to," she shot an irritated glance towards her sister moping over the Aga next to her boyfriend. The first shred of emotion she had allowed herself since coming downstairs.
"I didn't mean that. I mean you don't have to do this," he lifted a hand into the air aimlessly.
Millie stared up at him hotly, struggling to control her breathing, wishing he would leave and allow her to return to the empty place she had found within herself that made it possible to cope. He still had no idea how much he had hurt her, no idea how confused she felt. She wanted to scream but he would only dismiss her reaction as hysterical and in truth she knew he would be right and she refused to let him have that satisfaction. Thoughts of him secretly raking up the past and encouraging that Jessa woman to come on to him haunted her. Hadn't Grace said how much he seemed to enjoy it? Perhaps that was what he liked after all. Perhaps that wasn't an isolated incident. "I'm busy," she bit out, turning back to the diary and picking up the phone once again to dial the next number on her list.
"Millie, come on! Talk to me!" he ran a hand through his hair with frustration, aware of Guy watching them over his shoulder. "Millie, would you stop-" but he could see that she wasn't going to. She was determined to keep him at arm's length, out of his reach. In other circumstances, if they were alone, if her mother hadn't been kidnapped, he might have tried harder, might have begged even. But her resistance to even listen to him was so strong he wondered what he could possibly say to break down the barrier she had erected.
Millie hit the cancel button on the phone, although she didn't raise her eyes to him. "Have you found Austin yet?" she asked quietly.
"No. He hasn't called his mother yet, but Tommy expects he will before long. We'll pick him up when he does."
She started to dial again. "So there's no other progress?"
"No, not yet, I'll call as soon as I know anything," he replied, but she had already started talking into the handset by the time he finished speaking.
"Hello, this is a message on behalf of Sondra and Tara Brown, I'm sorry but they are unable to make their appointment today ..."
Max took a step back, he'd been dismissed. A cup of steaming coffee waited for him on the counter top, together with a bacon roll. "Sorry, Guy, but I think I should go."
"Aren't you going to talk to Richard?" asked Guy.
"I, er ... there's nothing much to say," he answered on a sigh. "I've never been all that good at tea and sympathy, no good at telling someone everything's going to be alright when-" he stopped, aware that Tara was on the verge of tears again. "Sorry. I'd better go. I want to be in Sun Hill for when we pick up Austin."
"You're sure about that? That you'll find him?" asked Tara hopefully.
Max nodded. "Yeah. About that, yes I am. But what he'll tell us," he shook his head, "that I don't know. I'm sorry."
Tara clutched Guy again and he gave her a squeeze in return before reaching out to the bacon roll and wrapping it in kitchen paper and holding it back out to Max. "For the journey." Max smiled his thanks. Maybe this interloper was more of an ally.
"Max," Tara peeled herself away from her lover to extend a hand to touch him. "Give her some time, she isn't coping well with this. It's easy for us all to think she is like Mum and can breeze through anything, just because they seem so alike. But without Mum, we're all kind of lost, Millie most of all, she just isn't showing it."
Frowning slightly at Tara's sudden intimacy, he nodded awkwardly, aware of his own part in Millie's stone-like demeanour, and turned back to where she was sitting, now caught up in another call. He walked round her towards the boot room, pausing as he reached her and thinking about placing a kiss on the top of her head. But he didn't, he couldn't risk her rejection and so he carried on, out into the boot room and to his car beyond.
-oo-
"Guv?"
"Yes, Tommy?"
"We've got him."
"I'm on my way."
-ooOoo-