Vicious Calm
Chapter 2- The Dangers of a Short Blonde
Chapter 3 woot!
Been reading Megatokyo again have you.
Just a tad.
If it's not fanfiction its webcomics with you isn't it.
Pretty much at least fanfiction doesn't eat up my internet cap as much. Well anyway I've been getting great response for this fic...
Unlike your I Belong To Nobody story.
Don't remind me [Sigh] well anyway I've finally gotten around to updating this so I hope everyone enjoys this.
Didn't one reviewer tell you to calm down? I see you've totally ignored their advice.
Wait are you talking about! I'm calm. I'm totally calm. I am the pinnacle of all that is cool, calm and collected!
... You done?
Oh yeah. Childness disclaimer!
Cat-chan doesn't own Naruto |_|
Hell he barely owns the idea for this fic.
One day I'm going to work out where the line that inspired this whole thing came from.
"Nagi. You're up." Shikamaru commented; yawning as he did so, as the lazy newly appointed ninja, identified by the shiny hitai-ate that was wrapped around his leg, walked out of the double doors of the testing room.
In response the small blonde jumped up from where she and her friends were seated. Also 'jumped up' wasn't an exaggeration. The blonde quite literally jumped onto the next row in front or her and bounded over to the double doors of the testing room, managing to trample on more than a few fingers in the process.
The class, which had previously been chatting loudly, became eerily quiet once the blonde went into the room. Every time the blonde menace had taken any kind of practical test, and some written tests, it always ended up with the fire alarms going off. No one expected this one to be any different. For the most part people were preparing to run to the nearest exit once they saw any sign of smoke. Hell, even Hinata and Sakura were ready to bolt if need be. The two girls may love their friend but they also loved life and dying in a fiery explosion was not the way either wanted to die.
A few more daring students like Kiba and Shikamaru (actually Shikamaru wasn't being so daring he was just too lazy to walk back to his desk and lied down next to the door) had their ears to the door attempting to listen to what was happening.
This was what they heard.
"All right Nagi-chan, please perform the bunshin jutsu." Said the kindly voice of Iruka Umino.
"Yes sir!" Sounded the chirpy voice of Nagi. Somehow you could imagine she was giving a salute even though no one could actually see her.
"Heh, this should be good." Chuckled what must have been the voice of Mizuki.
THUMP!
"My eye!"
"I apologise for Mizuki-teme. Please continue."
Nagi didn't answer. At least not with words. Kiba and the others waited for the CHING sound of a jutsu activating and braced themselves for the inevitably explosive that would follow.
Instead they heard something which sounded a lot like boiling water.
"Whoa."
"What the hell is that?" Mizuki yelled with the accompanying sound of hands slamming against a table. There was the squeak of a chair being pushed back and the scuffle of footsteps. Only Kiba, with the advantage of his enhanced canine hearing, managed to hear the following noise which sounded like someone had recorded the sound of a lump of jelly being flicked and distorted the hell out of it. "What a useless jutsu. What's the point of a clone with the consistency of jello?" Once again the distorted jelly sound reached Kiba's ears.
"Teme don't touch it you id-"
"AARGHH!" There was a thump as something fell to the floor.
"Told you. Well, I think that last bit alone was enough to earn this. Congratulations Nagi you are now an official ninja of Konoha."
Kiba recoiled away from the door as Nagi's happy screams hit his ultrasonic hearing. Unfortunately he didn't recoil fast enough or far enough as was smashed in the side of the head as the double doors were swung open a moment later.
Out from the doors skipped a joyous Nagi, her shiny new hitai-ate wrapped around her neck in a similar manner to the way Hinata had hers, not noticing that she trampled over Kiba as he lay recovering on the floor.
"If anyone sees Kiba tell him he's up. Now then I have to go get the nearest medic-nin." Nagi said happily walking to the classroom's exit.
"No need to hurry." Iruka called out from inside the testing room.
"All I know is pain." Mizuki said weakly.
"That does not mean you to need to whine about it. Hurry up Kiba."
"Urghh." Was the ninken user's only reply.
"Good to see our class is still as much a rabble as it ever was ninjas or not." Nagi said looking down at the mess of week old ninja Genin chattering away like a flock of birds.
It had been seven days of rest, or training if you were in to the whole survival through life as a ninja thing, since the exam and all the genin had come back to the Ninja Academy one last time to receive their team assignments. Nagi though, she was just glad to see Hinata again. For some reason the Hyuga Heiress had been strangely absent this past week both during lunch and their weekly sparring session. The blonde had asked Sakura about it but the pinkette had simply replied 'praying'. Nagi had no idea what she meant but with Kyuyo hounding her to hang out with him for the week. The Kyuubi no Yoko had treated the week off as a mini-Spring Break of sorts, so naturally he and Nagi spent their free time breaking various things, the blonde didn't have much time to think about it.
For those who are interested Hinata was praying to whatever divine and/or unholy gods that would listen in order to get her into Nagi's team. Sadly, or fortunately depending on your point of view, the Hyuga had not succeeded in communing with any. Well actually that's not really true. There was that conversation with Dark Prince of Pleasure, Passion and Decadence Slaneesh (1) but the details for that are better left undiscussed. However, she definitely did succeed in scaring her sister.
"At least they're not nervous." Hinata commented though she was more focused on the, sadly very common sight, of Sakura and Ino; forehead to forehead glaring dangerously at each other. The two girls may not have been rivals of love for a long time but with Sakura's constant attempts to harass the last Uchiha they still weren't on the best of terms.
Some of you may actually be wondering just what the pink haired girl could do to the fireball wielding heir of the Uchiha clan. Simply put not all poisons are fatal. Some have less fatal and far more painful effects. Since his second run in with the pinkette, which went about as well as their first meeting, Sasuke had been affected by paralysis, projectile vomiting, bowel pains, rashes, fevers, loss of limb control and... well you get the picture. Sakura and all the wonders of science capable of being made in an extensive chemistry set had put him through quite a lot.
All things considered Sakura is an actually fairly nice person. Polite, patient and understanding to her friends, family and ever random passersby. On the other hand though are the people she loathes, this hand tends to involve a great deal of pain and poisons.
Unsurprisingly the raven haired boy flinched whenever he saw her playing with a senbon or a test tube. Hell once he passed the girl smelling a bunch of flowers and wondered what kind of toxin she was going to get from them.
[If you're curious she got the Oleandrin present in, and the toxin which is responsible for much for the dangers of, the Oleander plant. One of the most poisonous plants in the world capable of causing both gastrointestinal and cardiac effects, its sap can cause skin irritation and severe eye inflammation. It grows well in warm subtropical regions is drought tolerant and used as an ornamental plant in landscapes, parks and along roadsides. It is particularly dangerous to young children and is commonly grown in school yards (2). It is one of the most poisonous of the commonly grown garden plants. Knowledge is fun. Back to the story.]
"Let me pass Forehead."
"Why leave? We're just getting started Ino-pig."
Hinata shook her head; it was times like this that reminded her that she was the normal one of their group. With that scary thought in her head she turned to talk to Nagi.
"What should we do while we wait Nagi-kun (3)." If this were a cartoon Hinata would be seeing a dotted outline of the blonde blinking on and off hovering over the place the said hyperactive blonde had just been recently standing. In other words Nagi had buggered off.
"What are you doing dobe?"
The students in the room turned around at the sound of Sasuke's voice. Sakura and Hinata both paled at the sight of Nagi crouched on top of Sasuke's desk glaring into his eyes.
If there was one thing almost everyone knew Nagi for it was trouble. A smaller and closer selection of people knew her for three things in particular. Trouble, destruction and terrible pain. Not necessarily always in that order, of course. It was a well know fact the most of situations which had Sasuke and Sakura locking horns tended to involve Nagi Uzumaki in some way or another.
Even when she wasn't in the same room Nagi caused trouble.
For the first year her personality had resulted in most people treating the four and a half foot blonde ninja like a joke. The girl would doze off in history class with almost clockwork regularity, she couldn't create a bunshin to save her life (or, judging from the recent exam incident, couldn't create a bunshin that didn't hurt you immensely), she constantly got in trouble for pranks and her first attempt at kawarimi had resulted in the girl disappearing for three hours after replacing herself with an empty sake cup. Eventually she was found in a seedy bar playing, and winning, at cards with several suspected yakuza members. To be fair though the sleeping in class issue did get Nagi her sleeping buddy Shikamaru so as far as she was concerned it all went well.
It wasn't until the beginning of the second year when this started to change. Mizuki, who was filling in for a sick Iruka, had started the year with a free for all battle royale. Nagi's opponent had to be taken to the hospital suffering second degree burns and multiple lacerations from various bursts of scorching hot air and a five foot long zanbatou sword respectively.
Even Iruka, the teacher who knew her best, was still trying to work out how she was even able to lift a foot wide sword taller than herself. Not to mention who in the world taught her to wield it so effectively. Kenjutsu wielders were rare in the hidden leaf village and zabatou users where almost unheard of outside of Kirigakure.
When asked about it Nagi just replied. 'My Oji taught me.' The weird thing was that the way she said it gave the impression that she wasn't trying to be cryptic.
Since that day the young girl had developed a new reputation, one far beyond that of a joke. Her reputation was pure fear. The girl was quite clearly unhinged; there was no other possible explanation, at least not in the minds of the students... and many of the teachers. No one could be so skilled at causing pain and yet wear a smile like that without being mad. It was then, when people started paying attention to the blonde girl, that they noticed her, for lack of a better term, guardians. The same people who treated the crazy blonde like she was the manifestation of all that was good and pure in this world. In addition they also held the position as the ones who would mercilessly beat anyone who looked at Nagi funny.
Few people were foolish enough to mess with the blonde child. Even the teachers thought twice about it after a particularly messy incident involving both Iruka and his now ex-best friend Mizuki.
Sadly however the last Uchiha had a very bad habit of putting his foot in his mouth.
"Get out of the way midget." Those who still bore the memories of a five foot long sword paled and passed out. Nagi's eyes began to blaze.
"Midget!You son of a-"
It was then that it happened. An event that would be remembered till everyone in that classroom at the time had shifted off this mortal coil.
One of the students, who had passed out at the thought of what happened to the last person they knew who called attention to Nagi's size and lack thereof, i.e. him, had just woke up groggily and attempted to stand up. He didn't make it, but in his attempt he knocked the desk directly behind him. The same desk that Nagi was currently crouched upon.
This made her lose her footing and fall forward, right into the path of Sasuke Uchiha's lips. Time seemed to slow down as the raven haired boy and blonde girl's lips slowly closed the distance.
Ino, and other nameless assorted fangirls, prepared to scream at the sheer thought of losing Sasuke-kun's first kiss to a girl widely recognised as crazy and, less openly, homosexual.
Hinata gasped at the thought of losing Nagi-kun's first kiss to the teme. Well... she did for about a second before blushing at this thought and began to shake her head. Poor girl's quite confused.
Nearly all male students in the class passed out once more.
Shikamaru continued to snore in the back row.
As for Sakura her eyes went red in uncontained rage at the scene before her, as she rushed forward readying a senbon drenched with the toxin for a particularly virulent strain of stomach flu. Fully intent on shoving the poisonous needle as far down the Uchiha's throat as was inhumanly possible.
She wouldn't make it in time however as in a few more slow motion seconds the blonde and raven faces' would touch.
At that moment Sasuke's fringe of dark hair burst into flames and time restored to its natural flow.
"Arggghh!" Sasuke cried out as he attempted to quell the flames currently giving his forehead first degree burns.
Nagi, whose honed sense of danger had triggered, caused her to move her body away in a complex and painful looking pattern of bends and flips. She looked up from the floor where she had landed. Blinking she sent a thought to her mindscape.
'Was that really necessary?'
"Yes. Yes it was." Answered the chakra entity sitting in her mindscape who was feeling rather pleased with himself.
"Team 7 will be Uchiha Sasuke..."
A legion of fangirls held their collective breaths.
"... Uzumaki Nagi..."
Nagi yawned like a kitten as she woke up from her cat nap. Judging from the way she looked around it was very likely that she had no idea what was going on. Her personal inner demon and pink haired counterpart reacted a little more violently releasing just enough Killing Intent to send chills down the raven head's spine without anyone else noticing.
"...and finally, Haruno Sakura."
Nagi yayed, Sakura laughed manically, Hinata 'aww'ed sadly apparently the unholy blessing of her new Dark Prince of perversion Slaneesh weren't quite enough, Sasuke fainted and there was a sound like a million fangirls cried out and were suddenly silenced.
"Hinata don't juken the other students."
"Ehhh... Gomen?"
"Soooo... what do you think our Jounin sensei's going to be like?" Nagi asked oblivious to, or perhaps it was the fact that she simply didn't care about, the sparks of hostility flying between her two new teammates.
Both Uchiha and pinkette were equally unable to disguise their dislike of each other... the fact that Sakura had drawn on Sasuke's face while he had been passed out probably didn't help this matter. Neither did the fact that the new, and highly volatile, team had been left in the classroom waiting for over two and a half hours.
Every other team had already been picked up. Even Iruka had left out of boredom. Not his boredom mind you. In actual fact it was Nagi and Sakura's boredom and it involved Iruka's morning cup of coffee and a powerful but slow acting laxative.
Nagi sighed in a 'I'm bored' way leaning back on her chair as she did so to avoid being clipped by the chair Sakura had thrown at everyone's favourite Uchiha-teme.
'Hey Kyuyo-kun you know anything to do?' She inwardly asked.
"Hmmmm, wanna play eye spy?"
'...Seriously. That's the best you can come up with.'
"It's that or play 'dodge the flying projectiles' with pinkette and Sasuke superior-pants."
'That it's! That is the last time we are EVER watching Spongebob.'
"Awwwww."
'...'
"..."
'Fine, we'll play eye spy. Kyuyo-kun you go first.'
"I spy with my little eye... you know come to think of it if I did have one eye that was smaller than the other it would constitute a serious medical condition but-"
'Kyuyo-kun'
"B. B! Don't aim for the face."
'Is it... banister?'
"Nope."
'Baroque.'
"Shockingly no."
'Let's see. Is it...'
"Book!"
'Don't tell me I could have guessed th-'
WHAMP!
The thick textbook slid slowly, almost comically, off the small blonde's face. Once it had fully fallen off instead of the cute thinking expression Nagi had worn previously there was a hardened glare of anger. Her eyes were actually seemed to glow red. Odd seeing as how she had no talent for genjutsu.
"Who?" She asked. Nagi's voice was both eerily calm and brimming with unconcealed rage at the same time.
Both the pinkette and the Uchiha pointed at each other simultaneously.
Nagi looked both up and down painfully slowly before chuckling darkly. "Me thinks it's time to play a game." Nagi said removing the scroll from its place at the back of her flak jacket.
'Damn. I don't want to do this.' Kakashi of the Sharigan thought as he stood outside the academy classroom his hand hovering over the door. 'I know I have to. I mean it's not like I trust anyone else to look after Sensei's daughter. Plus the training of the last Uchiha could be very interesting. As for the last one... hmmm, should have done more research. Oh well. What's the worst that could happen?'
His father never did teach Kakashi the meaning behind the idea of famous last words.
Automatically assuming a bored expression and a slouched stance (years of training right there) Kakashi opened the door.
TWACK!
While outwardly unaffected. Inwardly Kakashi was freaking the hell out!
He had every right to be mind you. After all a kunai had embedded itself in the frame of the door he had just walked into. Meer inches from his face.
'Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkk.' Kakashi thought though his facial expression didn't change in the slightest. Well maybe he flinched slightly, after all the kunai did manage to cut off a few locks of his sliver gravity defying hair with its trajectory.
Turning very slowly the Jounin saw that the entire classroom had been trashed.
Tables and chairs were overturned, burnt and scorched, cut in half and, in one case, slowly melting into a pool of thick bubbling black treacle like liquid.
Not to mention the foot deep lacerations cut into the blackboard.
In the middle of the classroom, sitting on the only row of intact tables and chairs in the entire classroom, were seated Kakashi's brand new students. All of which were trying, and in the case of Sasuke and Sakura at least, failing, to look completely innocent.
Unknown to him within Nagi's mindscape a teenaged demon fox had assumed a similar position on his Comedic Insta-Desk and was whistling innocently.
Nagi looked over to the sliver haired man that had just walked through the door. "What?"
"..." and "..." was all that Sasuke and Sakura said respectively.
"So you're Team 7. My first impression is... nothing that should be said in the presence of children. Meet me on the roof in five minutes." With that Kakashi shunshined away just in time to avoid the fireball, kunai hail and the jar of an exploding powder all simultaneously launched at his last position.
The three new shinobi, well two of them were kunoichi but you wouldn't think that if you were fighting against them, arrived at the meeting place after about five and a half minutes (at least half of this time was spent navigating the extremely hazardous classroom environment). While each of the three new ninja arrived at the same time Nagi was the only one who was actually acting cheerful despite (or because of) the recent apocalyptic battle. Sakura was occupied with glaring intently at Sasuke just waiting for a chance to finish what she had started. While Sasuke, who looked like he had wrestled a grizzly bear before swimming to the Land of Waves and back again, had to turn his head at an odd angle to avoid catching sight of Sakura's death glare.
"Glad to see you all made it here without causing anymore property damage. I'm sure it must have been very hard for you all." Sakura turned for a split second to send her pitch black glare in Kakashi's direction. Making the Jounin shinobi flinch a bit before the pinkette reset her glare back on its original target. To Kakashi's credit he didn't squeak girlishly, like Sasuke did when the glare was turned back onto him. He was even able to return to his current speech. "In order to get acquainted with one another let's all introduce ourselves. Tell us your likes, dislikes and dreams for the future." Kakashi finished with a sly eye smile. Which allowed the masked man to both express his emotions, and meant that there was no danger of accidently catching Sakura's eyes and have her stare into his soul.
Call him a traditionalist but Kakashi preferred his soul untainted by whatever particular brand of darkness Sakura had made a pact with. Which was odd considering that Hinata had been the one conversing with the Dark Prince of perversion.
Sakura however seemed to have turned to a sense of professionalism. "Why don't you go first sensei?" Sakura said smiling sweetly. 'The more information I have on sensei the easier it will be to blackmail him.' Well she is a ninja so actually that statement would be considered professional for the newly appointed assassin cum spy cum solider cum regulated mercenary profession.
"Ah, very well." Kakashi said lazily. So far his experience told him to scream 'devil woman' and jump off the building and flee for the safety and sanctity of his soul and surrounding body parts. But alas, the cyclopean shinobi ignored his gut. A dumb move perhaps but outside of ninja skills Kakashi was never the fastest of learners. "My name is Hatake Kakashi. I have many likes and dislikes. My dreams for the future are... none of your business. Thank you."
'All we got was his name.' Sasuke and Sakura thought (Nagi heard but she was far too occupied with a pretty black butterfly that was flying past her to give any responses at the moment). All the while Sakura gave a definitive pout.
"No need to worry Sakura-chan. A shot of truth serum and sensei will be singing like a little masked birdy." Nagi said cheerfully (the butterfly apparently gone), patting her pink haired friend on the back as she did so. Kakashi's forehead sweated outwardly while inwardly he was having a minor panic attack.
"Y-yeah I guess your right Nagi-chan." Sakura responded with a sweet smile. If not for the subject matter Kakashi would have thought the moment rather touching. As it was his minor panic attack turned into quickly a more serious one.
"You can go first Sakura." Kakashi said hoping that she would turn out to actually be a fairly normal and sweet girl as well as that any and all of the events up till now was simply a part of some fairly large misunderstanding.
Sakura smiled kindly. 'So far so good.' Kakashi thought.
"Haruno Sakura. My likes are..." The girl looked over to her blonde friend, who was watching her legs swing back and forth as they failed to reach the ground from the seat. She giggled and smiled sweetly. "My dislikes are..." Looking over to her raven haired arch-nemesis, at least in her mind, in Sasuke's mind he was more like the victim of a violent maniac. Sakura smiled wickedly as she fiddled with a senbon needle held between her fingers. "My dream is to become a skilled poisons master like my idol Chiyo of Sunagakure." 'And to find out the identity of Kyuyo?' Sakura added mentally referring to the never-ending mystery of Nagi's never present, yet apparently existent (though the pinkette occasionally had her doubts about this) oldest and dearest friend. A title which Sakura tried to contest regularly.
Even if it meant the occasional assassination.
"Okay... let's move on to the brooding Uchiha." In a mild act of desperation to move the conversation away from its current topic Kakashi pointed to Sasuke who looked quite pale as he attempted, in vain, to ignore the two girls (a term which he used very loosely).
On hearing his name Sasuke managed a respond. Although the fact that Sasuke had neglected to remove his intertwined fingers from his mouth meant that the words came out muffled rather than dramatic.
"Uchiha Sasuke. I like very few things and dislike many... these two especially." Sasuke tilted his head in the direction of Sakura and Nagi. Sakura bristled at this comment while Nagi looked unconcerned. Whether the blonde was just being innocent or that her mind was too busy spinning the gears of some elaborate revenge plot, Kakashi could not tell. "I have one dream however... it's more like an ambition. That is I am going to kill a certain man and revive my clan."
"Wait a minute," Nagi said interrupting both the moody drama and Sakura's own plan to do the same, "how are you going to do that. I thought it was impossible."
Sasuke sneered behind his hands and glared at the small girl. "You think it's impossible? I can become stronger that man and-"
"Not that! Silly, I meant reviving your clan."
"What?" Sasuke said all traces of his previous anger replaced with confusion. A similar thought was shared by Sakura and Kakashi. After all shouldn't reviving the Uchiha clan be the simpler of the two objectives. At the very least it was the most straightforward to complete. Insert Part A into Slot B and repeat. And repeat. And repeat with as many different suitors as the council was willing to send.
Nagi seemed convinced otherwise though. "Yeah, I don't get it. I mean I've got nothing against your tastes but two men can't have a baby it's both scientifically and biologically impossible!" Nagi pulled a book from behind her back. Once again best not to ask where she was keeping it. "Trust me I've done plenty of research on this. I even found this nice old lady at the library who gave me some books that go into how babies are made in serious detail. I've gone through everyone and they all feature a man and a woman. Well... some involve multiple men and/or women. But definitely at least one man and one woman are needed."
It took a few seconds for the three to decipher what the blonde had just said. When they did... Sakura burst out laughing.
She actually fell to the ground.
Kakashi for his part started to edge closer to Nagi to try and get a good look at the book she had. Purely out of concern as the girl's sensei of course. When he did manage to catch a glance Kakashi suddenly became very glad that the black fabric of his mask covered his nose. It was some pretty explicit material.
Sasuke... well Sasuke flipped. "I'M NOT GAY!"
"Kyuyo-kun said you would deny. But don't worry despite our differences in the past we're teammates now and as teammates I'll help you come to terms with your feelings."
'Kyuyo.' Sasuke thought clutching his hands in barely contained anger. Apparently the Avenger had another name to add to his little black book.
He never actually noticed that Nagi hadn't stopped talking. "... according to Chapter Six the first thing you will need is lubricant." Probably for the best he wasn't listening then.
"Well I think that's enough. We'll talk later for now let's get started with the introduction you've all been waiting for!" Nagi declared jumping on top of her seat. Kakashi had the brief thought that even if he sat down right now he would still tower over the girl. Wisely he kept this thought to himself. "My name is Nagi Uzumaki. I like my friends Sakura-chan, Hinata-chan, Tenten-nii, Neji-kun and of course Kyuyo-kun, Ojiji, Oji, Ani-san, Teuchi-san, Ayame-san and the ramen that they cook," At this Nagi started to drool. Something which appalled Sasuke and made Sakura giggle. Kakashi didn't notice that he was smiling to himself; glad that his sensei's daughter had so many friends and family (he of cause would have to look into this 'uncle' and 'brother' of hers as he had never heard her call anyone that before). "I also like giant swords, explosions, watching things burn, training until I pass out... oh and I like cats, especially ones that could be trained to maul."
Kakashi would also make sure to eradicate whoever was responsible for corrupting his sensei's daughter.
Nagi was just reminded that she'd have to pick up sword polish and cat food on the way home for her graduation presents.
"I dislike the three minutes it takes for instant ramen to cook; I also dislike the fact that any of my ingenious attempts to remedy this has resulted in me having to get a new apartment..."
"If it's any consolation I thought the orange glow from the burning wreckage was quite pretty to look at as it arched across the black sky. Good times" Sakura stated.
'Would have been better if the black sky was actually due to it being late at night and not because of the sun being blotted out by all of the smoke.' Kakashi thought remember the incident.
"... I dislike people who try to control Kyuyo-kun (if anyone had paid close enough attention they would have noticed the way Nagi's eyes flicked quickly to Sasuke Uchiha then over to the mountain carving of the Shodaime Hokage), I also don't like people who cut down trees and don't think about who they hurt and finally I despise anyone who think that they don't have to work to get strong. As for my dream..." Nagi smirked. "What else? I'm going to be Hokage!"
Kakashi smirked, though it was concealed by his face mask, he had to admire her spirit. But wondered if this spirit was all that Nagi had going.
"Well then, now that we are all acquainted with each other it's time for the final test."
"Cool are we going to destroy stuff in the test." Nagi yelled still standing on her concrete seat with her eyes glittering far more than should be considered healthy.
Not the reaction that Kakashi was expected but compared to the uncaring look on Sasuke and the 'so-so' look on Sakura. He'd take what he could get.
"I'm sure you'll get plenty of opportunities to destroy till your heart's content Nagi." Kakashi said with another eye smile and sweat drop. "Meet me at 7:00am on Training Ground 3 and don't eat breakfast. You'll just make yourselves sick." Kakashi smiled once again. This time with no sign of worry and promising nothing but terrible things to come. The next second he had shunshined away leaving the three possibly temporary Genins silent for a moment.
"Sooo... I'm thinking eggs Benedict for breakfast." Said Nagi excitedly.
"I was going to have some sausages and bacon Nagi-chan. You know a nice big greasy breakfast."
Sasuke just sighed.
"So who exactly am I replacing?" The student teacher shinobi asked Iruka Umino.
"Mizuki, he was my old assistant teacher." Iruka answered simply with a smile as he escorted the newly minted ninja teacher through the halls of the Ninja Academy. "You'll be responsible for a lot of the same duties as a normal teacher. Grading papers, copying various documents, taking the roll and preparing equipment for the practical exams. Just be careful when breaking up fights." Iruka warned though now that his three favourite and also most dangerous students had graduated he might be able to make it through a week without having to visit the medic-nin about burn ointment or having an antidote administered.
"Just out of curiosity what happened to Mizuki." The student teacher asked expecting some story about heroically dying in battle or something. It was only his training that allowed him to notice the way Iruka seemed to miss a step.
"Mizuki? Some unfortunate events occurred and he was... forced into retirement." Iruka answered, somehow coming off as slightly menacing while scratching the back of his neck timidly.
The student teacher shivered. No one in the teacher ninja world ever just 'retired'. No doubt retirement for Mizuki involved a trip to Morino Ibiki.
"Well anyways," Iruka continued quickly, shrugging off the growing oppressive atmosphere as he did so. "Here's the classroom you'll be teaching in."
Walking up to a sliding door Iruka opened the door...
... to find the psychical manifestation of utter chaos. All but a single row of desks in the middle of the classroom looked like a cyclone had been through... assuming that cyclone was made out of fire and extremely sharp objects.
The student teacher looked over to Iruka whose face was set in a silent scream. "You know when I was in the ninja academy we took better care of our classrooms." Iruka turned to the student teacher slowly and with malice. "Too soon?"
"NAGI! SAKURA! HINATA!"
"I wasn't even involved this time, Sir." Hinata Hyuga said lowering her cup of tea.
"Um, Hinata. What are you talking about?" Kurenai said looking strangely at her new potential Genin student. Across from her Kiba and Shino sat looking equally confused and somewhat disturbed (at least I think Shino was looking confused it really is difficult to tell) the strange rant about something called a Slaneesh during her introduction was bad enough.
"Oh gomen. I just had to finish the punch line." Hinata said blushing as she pushed her two index fingers together.
'Usually ninjas don't start losing it until they reach the rank of a Chunin,' Kurenai thought, 'this doesn't bode very well.' "Anyway as I was saying everyone meet at Training Ground 42 for your final Genin test."
Kiba and Shino just nodded still looking at their female teammate. Kiba was far too confused to remember to yell about having to do another test.
Hinata smiled and went back to drinking her tea. 'I wonder what Nagi-kun's doing.' From the dark madness of the warp a dark and twisted voice whispered inside her head. 'I doubt that she's doing that my Prince. For one thing Nagi-kun doesn't like bananas. Nice thought though.'
"Shino why do you think Hinata drooling?" Kiba whispered to his bug wielding teammate.
"I don't want to know." Shino answered his usual monotone mixed slightly with something that could almost be considered fear.
"Taiga!" Nagi said as she kicked the door of her apartment open. Her arms were full of shopping bags containing sword polish, cat food and multiple cups of instant ramen. She proceeded to dump the items onto the kitchen counter as soon as she possible could.
The blonde removed two objects from one of the brown paper bags. A small can of cat food which she began to shake the processed meat out of its tin and onto a plate. As well as a cup of miso ramen which she immediately opened and filled with boiling water.
"Taiga!" Nagi yelled out over her apartment. Since the complex she lives in was all but empty the blonde did not worry about annoying the neighbours. Even if she had neighbours it was doubtful she would have cared anyway. In fact that's how she lost them in the first place.
"Come on where are you girl." Nagi called once again as she looked for the aforementioned Taiga. At that moment she heard a soft lapping and chewing sound directly behind her.
Turning slowly around like a protagonist in a horror film Nagi cried out when she saw...
... her miso ramen being eaten by a dark brown cat with light brown tiger like strips down its head and back.
"Taiga! How could you betray me like that!" Nagi cried out as she fell to the ground in an exaggerated gesture of hurt. "Oh well." Picking her head up Nagi scratched the cat she had gotten as a graduation present from Kyuyo (4). In all honesty a ramen eating cat was by far the coolest present she had ever gotten.
Not to say the black steel machete she got from Oji and the orange kimono from Ani weren't also excellent present. But Taiga was already pre-trained to claw out peoples' various soft spots and with Nagi's training Taiga was well on her way to being a skilled mauler. No one Nagi asked was really sure what the technical term for a ninja cat was but fairly soon she'd have one.
Only one problem remained. "What am I supposed to do with this?" Nagi wondered as she held the plate of cat food up. Nagi looked up from the plate of cat food to the cup of ramen being eaten by Taiga. She looked back at the cat food. Ramen. Cat food. Ramen. Cat food. Ramen. Cat food.
Using two fingers she picked up a hunk of the processed meat.
In all of Nagi's twelve years... well actually this still wasn't the stupidest thing she has ever done.
"Bleeerrghhh!"
Still it was high on the list.
Spitting out the grotesque faux-food Nagi tossed the remainder of the cat food, plate and all, into the bin and grabbed a few cups of beef and miso to get the horrible taste out.
That was the last day Nagi ever brought cat food. Although now she did have to purchase twice as much ramen.
Taiga shook her head at her new owner. She always had the weirdest luck in owners still Nagi proved entertaining and didn't try to crush her daily. Plus ramen wasn't half bad so she certainly had to thank Kyubi for liberating her.
"Our apologies Hokage-sama but we couldn't locate Tora the cat... again." Maito Gai said solemnly before crying out that he would run one hundred laps around Konoha for this failure. Naturally Lee followed suit and the two had soon run out of the Hokage's office leaving Neji and Tenten who, assuming that this meant that the missions were over for today, parted ways for lunch.
This left the Hokage Sarutobi Hiruzen alone with his thoughts and paperwork. "That makes five teams who have failed to even see Tora let alone catch her. Perhaps Tora has finally left Konoha. Truly the end of an era... now we'll need a new way to mess with new Genin." Sarutobi sighed. The Hokaga did not envy whichever Chunin he would send in his place to inform the daimyo's wife about the situation.
He wondered if he would be able to blame the devil cat's disappearance on a foreign ninja. That should divert Madam Shijimi's attention away from him for the time being.
A burst of killing intent from the Hokage's apparently psychic secretary quickly silenced that train of thought almost immediately.
Damn woman never let him start any international incidents to save his own ass not once.
You made Hinata into a follower of Slaneesh... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!
A lot of things. It was originally just going to be a one line joke but it just sort of snowballed.
What state of mind where you in when you wrote this?
It was either late at night or a few minutes off really early in the morning. I wasn't really paying attention.
Do you actually like Slaneesh?
Not really Tzeentch is my favourite followed by Khorne and Nurgle...
Me like Khorne :)
Still I thought Slaneesh fit the bill the best. 'Sides there lot worse things I did in this chapter.
You mean the lubricant line...
The lubricant line, the banana line, destroying a classroom, attempted murder, an old lady supplying an underage girl with hardcore porn. Not to mention the fact I've made Sakura borderline homicidal and at the rate everything is going Sasuke's going to be gynophobic by the time the chunin exams come around. Hell if people don't complain about something in this chapter I worry about the state of humanity.
I already worry about the state of humanity.
True that. Anyway I should wrap this up, Childness if you would be so kind.
Blood for the blood god ^
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I mean... review -_-
Riiiighhhht... Jamata then.
(1)- I am a devotee follower of Tzeentch myself but to each their own I suppose. In any case anyone who hasn't figured out what I'm talking about google Chaos Gods and be afraid... very afraid. Odd. It feels like I've said that somewhere before.
(2)- Sadly this is very true. Avoid eating magenta coloured flowers unless the idea of muscle tumours, seizures, comas and death sound like fun.
(3)- No this isn't a mistype Hinata refers to Nagi in this story with the –kun honorific. Why? [Shrugs] Why not. It's just something that I imagine her doing. Don't judge me!
(4)- For anyone wanting to know how Kyoyo came up the idea to give Nagi a cat read the Vicious Calm Side Story. You don't need to but it does explain why Kyoyo thought this was a good idea.