Walking around their underground Den produced a strange feeling inside Leonardo. Unless he entered the Lab, it looked as if they'd never left to begin with. He could see the hard work that Tim, Greg, and Brandon had put into fixing things and cleaning up, to make for an easier move when they returned to New York.
It felt good to be home, but it was also bittersweet; the ordeal the city had been through was still visible on the surface. Though the blue-masked turtle had yet to speak of it out loud, he felt like his peace could have been permanently affected by the disaster. The inner calm that had supported him for years had been shaken, and he wasn't sure how to get it back.
The disquiet had only been a tiny note in the background in the months right after the Akiudo had been disbanded, as he had struggled with dreams of the gang and questioned the decision he'd made. The earthquake had shattered his peace further, and the situation with Michelangelo felt like the nail in the coffin.
Leonardo had assumed that things would be settled within once Mike had received a clean bill of health, and even more so when they were able to return home. Yet the foreboding sensation still pursued him, like a bloodhound that had captured his scent and would not give him rest.
He paused from his pacing in the hallway to stare at the empty place where his Sensei's walking stick was supposed to be. That's what I was going to do, he realized. Leo returned to the old room he and Calley shared, and dug inside an oversized duffel bag that was still on the floor.
Leonardo retrieved the walking stick from where he'd stowed it for safekeeping and took it back out to the hall. As he pressed his father's stick into its normal place of honor, he heard footsteps behind him.
"I was wondering where that got to," Raphael commented.
"I grabbed it before we evacuated," Leo explained. "I couldn't bear to leave it behind, not knowing if we'd ever be back. You're not doing too much, are you, Bro? How does the leg feel?"
"It's okay. I should probably get off of it before too long." The red-masked turtle studied him closely as he spoke. "Leo, are you…" He hesitated, as if searching for words. "Something's different with you. I can't put my finger on it yet, but you're different."
Leonardo was tempted to give him the bravest face he could muster, but hiding from his brothers was an unbearable chore. "I feel different," he acknowledged. "I can't escape this sense that something's not right. It's never left me completely, not since we finished things in Okinawa. I think the earthquake and Mike being sick made it worse, but even now…I feel like I ought to be happier, Raph."
His brother nodded slowly, waiting for Leonardo to continue.
"I'm glad to be home," he went on. "I'm happy that the root of this condition has been located, and that no one else will get sick the way that Sensei or Mike did. I'm relieved that Becky's doing fairly well with the baby. Yet at the same time, I still feel like I'm holding my breath for something to happen. It's always there, day and night, no matter what I'm doing."
Raphael rubbed the back of his head, a sure sign that his brother was at a loss for words or encouragement. "Leo, I don't know…" he faltered. "Maybe you've gotten overprotective or jumpy because of the way everything went wrong in Okinawa, or maybe it's got more to do with Liv. Do you really think we're in danger here?" he asked seriously.
Leonardo shook his head. "It's not like that, Raph. I don't feel danger looming directly over my shoulder. It's just this constant blip on the radar in the back of my mind, telling me I'm supposed to be doing something."
"What are you supposed to do, Leo?"
"I can't figure that out. But you asked what was different, and that's it in a nutshell."
A shadow of worry crossed Raphael's face, and his brother struggled to hide it. "I dunno, Leo. Maybe you have to wait a little longer for things to settle down or something. The memory of the Akiudo isn't going to just disappear."
"It's been over a year, Raph. A year since we went to Japan, and Takashi was put behind bars. In what rational world should I still be nervous about a group that no longer poses a threat?"
"No one said feelings are rational, Fearless, or that there's always a good reason to have 'em. You can work out until you feel like you're gonna die, but you've never passed away during training, right?"
Leo cracked a smile. "Not that I'm aware of. I've kind of assumed all along that this was only in my head – that's why I haven't said anything about it. It would be easier to deal with this if I could explain it."
Raphael shrugged. "You're the fearless leader of our group, and we've been through more than our fair share of excitement, Leo. I call that a good reason."
The nickname of "Fearless" felt less appropriate than normal to Leonardo, but he chose not to mention it. The blue-masked turtle automatically smiled more widely when Olivia toddled into the hallway, and tapped her father's leg.
"Yeah, Kouen, what can I do for ya?" Raph asked good-naturedly.
Her fingers grasped the leather pad bound around his knee, tugging until it looked like she was trying to rip it off.
"Easy, Liv," he chided gently. "You're gonna break it. You're too strong for your own good, Kid." Raphael scooped the baby turtle up, boosting her into the air so that she giggled.
Leonardo reached out a hand to pat Olivia's shell as she settled into Raphael's arms. "If she keeps growing at this rate, she'll be taller than us before she's a teenager."
Raphael grinned. "She's got her Mama's height. I'm scared to think how much she's gotten from me."
"Well, you'd be able to understand where she was coming from better than anyone else."
"Liv isn't gonna believe that I know what I'm talking about, Leo," Raphael scoffed.
"Maybe she won't have to learn everything the hard way," Leonardo suggested.
"I can dream for her I suppose."
Michelangelo's loud laughter interrupted what the blue masked turtle had been about to say, and Raphael winced openly.
"Can you remind me why I missed hearing that so much?" his brother asked.
"Because you love your little brother more than life itself," Leonardo asserted.
Leo peered around the corner of the hall into the living area to see what was going on. Rebecca was partially curled up laying down on two of the couch cushions, while Mike was sitting on the other end.
"Did you hear the sound that one made, Beck? It was priceless!" The orange-masked turtle motioned toward the TV screen depicting the game with which he'd recently become enamored.
"You have to admit, it's nice to see him acting normal." Leonardo grinned.
Olivia was already squirming a little in Raphael's arms as she looked over the turtle's shoulder.
"All right, you little fugitive, don't get into any trouble," Raphael instructed her.
He'd no sooner put Olivia down than Tiger tore across the living area, as if some sixth sense had warned the cat that the baby had been unleashed. Olivia giggled as she stumbled after the cat, coming nowhere near catching Tiger.
"I feel bad for your cat, Raph." Leo shook his head. "She's the only one left to terrorize on a regular basis now that Reina's above ground and we don't have the dogs around."
"She'll have another cousin soon," Mike pointed out from the couch.
"Heh. I can't wait to see what she thinks of having a second baby around here." Raphael snorted.
Leonardo's silent gaze rested on Rebecca for a moment. The woman looked exhausted, but content. The blue-masked turtle knew she hadn't gained the weight she should have during the pregnancy, but he was trying to stay positive. The docs still believe that she's in a good place. Becky isn't struggling with any bleeding or signs that she's going to lose the baby. All she has to do is make it through the next two months, and she'll be in the clear. Maybe then I'll feel like I can relax again.
The lights dimmed for an instant, and Leonardo stiffened. They came back on full power, and he immediately looked in the direction of the lab apprehensively. "I think I'm going to check on how Donny's doing."
"Good idea, Fearless. Make sure he ain't gonna blow something up." Raphael smirked.
Leonardo trotted across the living area, side-stepped Olivia, and knocked on the door to the lab.
"Come in," his younger brother called.
Something about the sight of the purple-masked turtle knee-deep in wiring made Leonardo extremely nervous. "Um…everything okay, Bro?"
"What? Oh, yeah, sure. I temporarily overloaded a circuit breaker, but it's fine now."
"This project looks a little complicated," Leo commented. "Are you sure you don't want to wait on it until we're settled in?"
"Our friends already did the grunt work for me, Leo. All that's left is installation, and a lot of it. I'm good, Leo. I enjoy this kind of work."
Leonardo sank down to the floor beside him. "Don't you ever get tired of this technical stuff?"
"Mmm…not really. Do you get tired of training?"
"Touché." Leonardo chuckled. "This place doesn't look bad. It's certainly better than when we left."
"For sure. I'm going to have to find a way to thank the guys for coming down here ahead of us. They made the transition so smooth for me. The space is useable, and all I have to do is fill it."
Leonardo nodded, sighing softly as he gazed around the lab. He could remember the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach he'd had the day of the earthquake, when he'd discovered the devastation of the space that was so vital to Donny. He felt his brother looking at him, and turned his head to acknowledge him.
"You've done good, Don," he said. "You've done really good. I know these last few months weren't easy for you."
The purple-masked turtle shook his head. "I can't take credit for almost any of it. Marcus took point with Raph, and we have Caleb to thank for Mikey, and all of us."
"You never give yourself enough credit for the things you do, Don," Leo replied. "You've always been that way."
"I think it's easier for all of us to focus on our weaknesses, rather than our strengths, Leo. Personally, I feel like these events brought out some of my weakest links…and I only hope that I actually learned something from it to help me in the future."
Leonardo rested an arm around his shoulder. "I wish you could see things from our perspective, Don. You'd never doubt yourself."
"That's funny," he answered. "I feel like I could say the same thing to you."
Leonardo grinned as he looked back down at the wiring. "Can I help you untangle some of this? It looks like you have a mess on your hands."
"Sure, Leo. I'd never turn down help from our glorious leader," he quipped.
"Do I detect a note of sarcasm?"
"From me, Leo? Never."
Leonardo crossed his legs as he settled into a more permanent position on the floor, and reached for the closest pile of wiring in front of him. "I can only imagine how excited you must be about this baby."
Donatello gave him a soft smile. "Why do you think I'm so eager to get things set up properly?"
"Because you're a workaholic?"
"You can turn that finger around, Leo," he reminded him.
Leonardo laughed. "So we're both obsessive in our own ways."
Donny nodded. "We've got more in common than we ever realized, Leo."