Chapter Two

– Flashback –

It happened two days after Edward and I arrived back in Forks. We were both still in a state of shock from the unexpected revelation that I was pregnant and my rapidly increasing pregnancy made it clear that it was no ordinary human baby that I was carrying. Edward and I both knew that it would be necessary for me to become a vampire within the immediate future as the Volturi had already made veiled but ominously clear threats that if I continued to remain human Edward was breaking the strict secrecy law, wherein humans are not permitted to learn of the existence of vampires, and that punishment would be meted out by them if the law was repeatedly broken. But the pregnancy threw everything up in the air. There was no way that I was prepared to risk my baby with the difficult and painful transformation from human to vampire – but how else would I be saved from the wrath of the Volturi?

On the second day after our return from honeymoon, I awoke as usual to find Edward sitting at my bedside. "Good morning, beautiful," he said, his customary morning greeting, as he leant forward to kiss me. "I don't want to leave you, Bella, but I have got to hunt today. Will you be okay?"

I nodded, "Of course. I'm in very capable hands. Don't worry, Edward, everything is going to be fine."

He looked at me, a strange expression in his eyes, and said nothing.

"I know you think I am making the wrong decision, Edward, but I am going to keep this baby. I have to keep this baby. I can't dispose of a life just like that."

"Oh Bella," he sighed. "Do you not understand the probable outcome? I don't want to be blunt with you, love, but it's better than keeping you in the dark and..."

I interrupted him before he could continue, "Yes, Edward, I do understand. And I know that I am strong enough to survive."

He gave a sad smile, "You always were so stubborn."

"Not stubborn, Edward," I whispered, wincing at the waves of nausea began to come over me, "Just doing what is right. Now, you must go and hunt. I'll still be here when you get back."

He nodded and kissed me again, a gentle kiss with so much love and tenderness that I nearly began to feel my eyes filling with moisture.

"Goodbye, darling. I will be as quick as I can, only a couple of hours."

I smiled and waved as he went out of the room, "See you soon. I love you."

"I love you too, Bella," he said, as he softly closed my bedroom door. I heard him converse in a low voice with Carlisle, who then opened the door and entered the room.

"How are you feeling today, Bella?"

"Just the same. A bit sick, but not too bad."

He took out his stethoscope and medical paraphernalia and began his customary morning examination, concluding by measuring my stomach. "You are increasing at an abnormally rapid pace," Carlisle said. "I have never seen anything like this before."

After we had discussed certain matters, I got myself up, had a shower and dressed in my old sweatpants and comfy top, and then awaited Edward's return. All in all, it was just another regular day in the Cullen household. Alice was flicking through designer fashion catalogues; she took delight in behaving as if I were her own personal dress-up doll. "Hey, look at this one, Bella," she said, pointing out a slinky silk gown in dark blue, "That would really suit you."

I laughed, "Alice, I can't fit into that. Carlisle's estimated that I'm expanding by several centimeters per day. I think sweatpants are going to be the clothes du jour for a little while."

"Yes, yes," she said impatiently. "I'm talking about after you've had the baby. You're not going to be that size forever."

"After I've had the baby, I'm not going to have occasions to wear silk dresses anyway, Alice. It's not really suitable attire for changing diapers in."

"Oh Bella," she said, giving me an exasperated look. "There will be the baby's christening and New Year parties, and Christmas, and your birthday. And New York…" she stopped and her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh," she squeaked, "how could I be so stupid? Edward is going to kill me when he gets back."

"New York? What are you talking about, Alice?"

"Sssh!" she said, "Forget I said it. Now, look at this. Would you prefer it in fuchsia pink or dark purple?"

As Alice continued choosing a wardrobe for me that would probably cost the GDP of a small country, my eyes kept flicking back and forth to the clock. After three hours had elapsed, I began to feel edgy. Alice had left the room and the only person in the room besides me was Esme, who was sitting quietly in a corner reading a novel.

"Esme, Edward said he'd be back within two hours," I said anxiously. "Where do you think he is?"

She put her book down and looked up, "I'm sure he'll be back soon, Bella, but you're right. It is a little strange. Let me go and get Alice and see if she can see where…"

But before Esme could finish her sentence, Alice came flying into the room, visibly distressed. "Oh, oh," she choked out.

"What is it?" Esme said in alarm, "What's wrong?"

By this time, the others had heard the anxious voices and gathered in the room, all of them looking equally worried. My stomach began to churn, made worse by the morning sickness.

"Alice, sit down," Carlisle said, calmly. "Sit down, sweetheart, and tell us what you have seen."

"The Volturi…," she said slowly, "They found out that Bella is still human and they tracked Edward and…"

Her sentence trailed away and I did not have to ask her what happened next; it was written plainly on her face. I began to scream uncontrollably as my world smashed to pieces, shaking and trembling as sobs wracked my body.

"Get my black bag," Carlisle said urgently to Esme, his medical manner kicking in and overriding his own grief. "I wouldn't normally prescribe sedatives during pregnancy but we need to pacify Bella quickly."

Esme choked back her own sobs and nodded, hurriedly leaving the room. She was back in an instant, carrying Carlisle's large medical bag. He opened it and extracted a white packet. "Bella, please take this," he said gently, proffering a tablet and a full glass of water. "Swallow the tablet and sip the water slowly."

I took it from him, but found it hard to drink. My throat was burnt and raw from crying and my breathing was shallow. When, with difficulty, I had finished the water, I felt slightly calmer as the effects of the drug began to kick in but it was not real, genuine calmness, just a drug-induced drowsiness.

"Now, Alice dear," Carlisle said. "Can you sit down and tell me how…," he lowered his voice to a whisper that was within only a vampire's audible range.

Alice looked round, "Should we tell Bella?" I heard her say, forgetting to whisper.

"Yes," Carlisle replied, and they walked over to the sofa and sat down beside me.

"Bella," Alice began, and I raised my tear-stained face to look at her. "I am so, so sorry that I did not foresee this. My visions have been affected by your baby, they keep blurring and that happened especially when I was trying to see visions involving you and…Edward. I wish I could have prevented it."

"I know, Alice, I know," I whispered as she leaned forward to hug me and the tears started again. "It wasn't your fault."

"He sent a message to me when he died, Bella, hoping that I would see it in my mind," Alice said, her voice breaking. "His strongest thought when he died was his love for you. He…he wanted to tell you that he will love you always."

I couldn't speak; my throat was swollen with tears.

"Bella must rest now," Carlisle said firmly, as he carried me out of the room and up the stairs. Lying in Edward's room in the bed he had bought for us was painful, seeing his physical possessions, his books, his music collection, his journals…the room was as if he would just walk in at any moment. I realised that I was expecting that, as if this was all some terrible dream from which I would wake to see Edward's smiling face close to mine and feel his lips tenderly brush my cheek. The rain came down in torrents outside as I stared out of the window. I remembered hazily that it had been fine this morning, a beautiful day in early fall when the leaves were just beginning to turn golden. Carlisle gave me a second pill and I took it, drifting into a heavy, lethargic oblivion of nothingness, no pain but with no meaning either. Of course there was no meaning. Edward was gone, how could there be any meaning left in the world?