Copyright disclaimer: The Twilight series and its characters are the creation of and copyright of Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing and this story is purely a not-for-profit work of fan fiction. No copyright infringement intended.
Hey guys! How are you doin'? Got all the Christmas shopping done, I hope. :) Here's an early Christmas present for you, in the form of two more instalments of the story. I hope you like them. There won't be any more chapters until after Christmas because it's Christmas Eve tomorrow and I'm way too busy to write but I will upload Chapter Nine sometime next week!
This story now has nearly 1000 hits but only 4 people have left comments/reviews….come on, you can do better than that! Please review or just say what you feel about the story so far and it will brighten up my day. I'm really interested in what my readers think of the characterization of Bella and Jacob in this story. :)
A little note about these two chapters: the first is from Jacob's point of view and the second is from Bella's but they are both set at the same time, giving you a simultaneous insight into what's running through Jacob and Bella's minds the morning after Jacob's rejection of Bella.
Also, I listened to a song called Long Way Down by the excellent band, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, when I was writing these chapters. If the scenes from the following two chapters were in a movie, Long Way Down would be the song I'd choose for these scenes as it perfectly matches the melancholic mood I tried to create here and the lyrics are very appropriate.
It's on YouTube - go have a listen, maybe whilst you're reading Chapters 7 & 8?
JACOB'S P.O.V.
Chapter Seven
- Pathetic –
Pathetic. That's how I'm feeling right now. A pathetic useless jerk.
I woke up early after a night of uneasy sleep, with the same thoughts running through my head, over and over and over. I wonder how Bella is, what she's doing. Did she sleep as restlessly as me? Maybe she didn't sleep at all. There were several times last night when I lay awake, watching the numbers change on the digital clock which stood by my bed…3:47, 3:48…4.59...
I hated myself for what I said yesterday. I pictured the scene: Bella's voice trembling as she said, "I love you" , her sweet chocolate eyes as they filled with hurt and pain when I callously rejected her words…
The girl I have loved since the time when we met on First Beach, the girl who I thought would never even come close to being mine, the girl who knows me better than anyone else…she offers me her love and I throw it away like I'm casually tossing something in the trash. Maybe I'm crazy. Yeah, that would fit. Crazy and pathetic and stupid.
I didn't want to admit it to myself but I was afraid of getting hurt again. Before, when Bella was with Edward, it felt like hell. And the few times when I let myself believe that she really wanted me? Turns out she didn't and I was left on my own, licking my wounds again. So when she expressed her feelings for me yesterday, I was instinctively wary of what was coming next. What made her suddenly want me? Was it because of Sam saying that I might imprint on someone else? Had that made her jealous? No, Bella's not the jealous type.
Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Pull it together, man. But I can't. I just badly hurt the person I love most in the world. I need to fix this but I don't know how. Should I call her? But then what would I say? I imagined a conversation with her in my head:
Hey Bella, it's Jacob.
Hi.
Or maybe she wouldn't even get that far. Maybe she'd slam the phone down as soon as she heard my voice, the way she slammed her car door shut yesterday.
Umm, I want to apologize for what I said yesterday. I know I was a jerk.
Right.
And I didn't mean it. Honest. I'm just wary of being hurt again.
The words sounded so lame and I tried to think of another way to fix this broken situation. Should I show up at the house? But I didn't know where she was: at the Cullens' house or at her dad's. So that ruled out the possibility of going to see her face-to-face and apologizing. I didn't even know if I would be able to find the words for what I wanted to say. During everything she went through – Edward's death, losing the baby – I was there for her and then yesterday I let her down.
I sighed deeply and picked up my cell phone.