Introduction: This next story is something of a departure from the type of stories I normally write. Last month on the way to run a little errand, I ended up stopping at my local Walmart to do a little browsing and discovered they had all of Adventure Time in one DVD set. It had been a few years since I had seen the series, so on something of a whim I decided to buy it. I began to intermittently binge watch the series over the course of the next couple of weeks. Towards the end (because I had apparently been living under a rock), I had only just learned about the existence of the four Distant Land specials done as a sequel and ordered them online at the first opportunity.
After watching the Obsidian special about four or five times, the idea for this little story quickly began to manifest. So submitted for your approval is my own humble attempt at an Adventure Time fanfic.
Disclaimer: I do not own Adventure Time.
PART 1: Candice
The full moon was high as Marceline Abadeer flew through the night sky towards the cave where her house was. She was returning home from a week-long concert tour through the Land of Ooo, probably the worst concert tour in the vampire queen's entire singing career. It seemed like everything that could've gone wrong during the tour did. At each stop there was an endless stream of technical problems on stage, and during each concert there were hecklers in the audience who did everything they could to trash Marceline's newer and admittedly sappier love songs. Then during Marceline's final concert, she ended up getting an unwanted guest sent to her by her father that she literally had to fight off.
The entire experience had left Marceline both physically and emotionally drained. At the moment all she wanted to do was cuddle up on the couch with her girlfriend, Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum. Originally Bonnie had planned to go with Marceline on her concert tour, but at the very last minute she had to attend an emergency conference of the Princesses of Ooo. Bonnie not being able to come with was really the first thing to go wrong with the tour. Marceline had briefly pondered the idea of just canceling the whole thing the moment she discovered Bonnie couldn't come with, but Bonnie insisted she go through with it so she wouldn't disappoint any of her fans.
At long last Marceline came to her house's cave and flew down through the mouth. She saw the lights on in her house and assumed Bonnie was still up. Marceline hoped a little that Bonnie had been waiting up for her. After entering her house, Marceline set her new ax base down by the door. She heard movement in the kitchen and assumed it was Bonnie, but what she saw moments later upon entering the kitchen was something entirely different.
Standing with his head in the open freezer was Marceline's old friend, Simon Petrikov. The spectacled man was wearing a blue moo-moo that was just a little too big for him, along with penguin slippers and a tiny gold crown.
Marceline raised an eyebrow. "Um, Simon?"
Simon let out a startled cry as he turned away from the freezer to face her. "Oh! Marcy. Back already, huh? How'd the tour go?"
"What were you just doing?"
Simon sighed. "Look, this is just a coping mechanism of mine, okay? Sometimes I just feel really out of place in this world. Doing this helps me feel like I belong."
Marceline raised her hands. "Not judging, dude. I mainly just want to know where Bubblegum is. She's not still at that stupid conference, is she?"
"No, the conference ended days ago. As soon as it ended, Princess Bubblegum went to her lab in the Candy Kingdom and has been there ever since. I'm here mainly because she asked me to look after her plants while the two of you were away."
"Wait, she's been at her lab for practically the whole week?"
"Yes. Why?"
Marceline let out a heavy sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Oh Glob! She's probably…yeah. I better go get her. Thanks Simon."
"Don't worry. I'll clean up after myself," Simon told the vampire queen as she left the house.
In another few moments Marceline was once again flying back through the night sky, this time towards the Candy Kingdom. As Marceline traveled under the soft light of the large moon above, she wondered briefly if perhaps Simon should seek help from a therapist. After all, he had spent the better part of the last millennium under the influence of a magic crown that had turned him into a loony old man who kidnapped princesses, hung out with a flock of penguins, and occasionally forced people to listen to stories he wrote about gender-bent versions of Marceline and her friends. Marceline could understand Simon being a little damaged even after being freed from the crown and having his sanity restored. At the moment though, Marceline's primary concern was Bonnie.
Marceline at last arrived at the Candy Kingdom and headed straight for the large castle at the kingdom's center. She flew in through the open window of Bonnie's bedroom as she usually did. The room was empty, which only helped to confirm Marceline's concerns about her girlfriend. Bonnie would occasionally throw herself into her projects just a little too much when she was in her lab. Marceline was becoming more and more certain this was one of those times.
As she let out another heavy sigh, Marceline left the bedroom to head for Bonnie's lab. The moment the vampire queen stepped into the hallway though, two flying robots suddenly zoomed up to her. Each robot looked like an inverted gum ball machine, with a large black ring around the glass sphere containing the gum balls on the bottom of each unit. Both of the robots had a pair of thick grey arms, each ending with a two-barreled cannon that had a small glass sphere filled with what looked like more gum balls embedded in the top. Each robot had an almost flat round head with a single long green eye like a visor, a metal grill for a mouth, and a pink police light on top.
The two robots immediately pointed their cannons at Marceline. Marceline responded by taking a fighting stance. The fangs in her mouth grew slightly larger and her hands morphed into powerful claws.
"Halt, intruder," one of the two robots ordered. "Identify yourself!"
"I don't know what you things are, but if you don't back off I'm gonna turn you into scrap!" Marceline warned. "I'm in no mood for this tonight!"
"Scanning intruder," the second robot spoke as a green light emanated from its eye and swept over Marceline. "Subject identified as Marceline the Vampire Queen. Her presence is authorized."
"Confirmed," the first robot responded. "Standing down."
Both robots lowered their weapons and flew off in the opposite direction as if Marceline wasn't even there. Marceline remained frozen in her fighting stance trying to figure out what the heck was going on. Suddenly a small drone looking like a round peppermint with a black camera lens, four black propellers and two black helicopter landing legs, flew towards Marceline from down the hallway.
"Good evening, Queen Marceline," spoke a pleasant female voice from the drone. "I apologize for your earlier reception. The Rattle Bots were merely following normal security protocols. Of course had you informed the castle of your visit, such an incident could've easily been avoided."
"Rattle Bots?" Marceline asked with a raised eyebrow as she finally morphed back to her normal form. "What's going on? What the heck are you?"
"Apologies. My name is Candice. I am Princess Bubblegum's personal assistant."
Marceline crossed her arms. "Okay. Well can you please take me to Princess Bubblegum?"
"Certainly. Please follow this drone to the lab."
Marceline did as instructed and followed the little drone down the castle halls. During the walk, Marceline saw more of what Candice had called Rattle Bots flying by in pairs. Each pair passed her and the drone by as though they didn't exist. In another few minutes the drone brought Marceline to the metal door of Bonnie's lab. The electric door slid open, allowing Marceline and the drone to enter.
Once Marceline stepped into the lab, the drone flew off, apparently to perform other duties of some sort. Marceline ignored the drone completely and focused on the pink-skinned woman in the white lab coat sitting at a computer. Her pink gum-like hair was tied in a ponytail, and there were noticeable bags under the eyes behind her large round glasses. There was no question that the girl at the computer was Bonnie, and as Marceline feared she was going at her newest science project full-tilt. From the looks of things, Bonnie probably hadn't left the lab in days.
Marceline came over and placed a hand on Bonnie's shoulder. "Yo Peebs."
Bonnie let out a startled gasp, but smiled when she turned her chair around and saw it was only her girlfriend. "Marceline. Hey. You're finally back."
"Yeah. Simon told me you've been here since the princess conference," Marceline responded as she placed a hand on her hip. "Looks like you've been making a few home improvements to the castle since I've been gone."
"Oh. You noticed."
"Kinda hard not to notice. A couple of your new security robots nearly tried to blow my head off when I came in. Then I met that little drone of yours and got led here."
"Right, right. Let me properly introduce you," Bonnie told her as she moved her chair away from the computer so Marceline could get a better look at the screen. "Marcy, I'd like you to meet Candice."
A window showing a glowing pink dot in the middle of a peppermint opened up on the computer's screen. "Hello again, Queen Marceline. As stated before, I am Princess Bubblegum's personal assistant."
"So, Candice is actually this computer?"
Bonnie chuckled and shook her head. "No no, silly. This is just an access terminal. Candice's core is actually in one of the castle's underground chambers. I made her about a month or so after the Gum War. With Peppermint Butler getting his brain reset by my uncle's lobotomy sauce, I needed someone new to help me run the day-to-day around here, and an artificial intelligence seemed like the best option."
Marceline nodded. "So Candice here isn't something you just whipped up these past few days while I was away?"
Bonnie yawned. "What I've been doing…is an idea I've had for quite a while now. Candice has worked out so well as an assistant, I decided to try expanding her programing to take care of the whole kingdom. Candice, please state your new prime directives to Marceline."
"Certainly, Princess," Candice responded. "My primary directives are the following:
"Directive 1: Serve the people of the Candy Kingdom.
"Directive 2: Protect the Candy Kingdom from any and all threats.
"Directive 3: Make any improvements to help the Candy Kingdom survive and thrive.
"Directive 4: Remove any obstacle that might hinder the Candy Kingdom's prosperity."
Marceline raised an eyebrow. "I dunno Peebs. This idea of yours seems kinda sketchy to me. I mean, it looks like you're to put your kingdom on autopilot."
"Oh no! This is all to not only make things easier for me, but to better the lives of my subjects. Once everything is properly up and running, everyone in the kingdom will have Candice as a personal assistant. Plus the kingdom will be a lot more secure."
"You're talking about those Rattle Bot things I saw, right? Didn't you try something similar a few hundred years ago? If I remember right, it didn't work out well."
"Right, right. My Gumball Guards," Bonnie responded as she stifled another yawn. "The problem with them was the complex A.I. they possessed. Somehow it caused them to develop violent tendencies. A few years ago I decided to try making an improved version of the Gumball Guards that were driven by a simpler A.I. Unfortunately the first prototype didn't work out too well."
"I have a video from the original Rattle Bot project on file, Princess," Candice interrupted. "Would you like me to play it for you?"
"Uh, no no. That's not…" Bonnie began.
"Yeah Candice. Go right ahead and run it," Marceline interrupted. "Color me curious."
The computer screen showed the video of a room with metal walls. Floating on the right side of the screen was an older Rattle Bot. Standing on the left side of the screen was a large jelly-filled doughnut with limbs and a face. The jelly doughnut wore a white lab coat and had a nervous expression on his face."
"Okay Jelly Doughnut Guy. Step towards the Rattle Bot," Bonnie's voice instructed on the video.
Jelly Doughnut Guy did as instructed and hesitantly began to walk towards the robot.
The living pastry only got five steps before the Rattle Bot reacted and pointed its guns at him. "Halt! You have thirty seconds to present the appropriate identification. If you are unable to do so, you will be removed with lethal force."
"J.D.G. Show your I.D. badge to the Rattle Bot," Bonnie's voice instructed.
Jelly Doughnut Guy took the badge clipped to the lapel of his lab coat and held it out to the robot to examine.
"You now have fifteen seconds to present the appropriate identification," the Rattle Bot declared.
Jelly Doughnut Guy looked at his badge for a moment before holding it out to the robot again. "My badge is right here."
"You now have ten seconds. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six…"
As the robot continued the countdown, Jelly Doughnut Guy began to panic. Meanwhile Bonnie tried ordering the robot to stand down. A few seconds later, the Rattle Bot opened fire and Marceline watched with disgust as Jelly Doughnut Guy's body was riddled with what looked like energy bullets. On the video, jelly filling sprayed the walls of the room. Bonnie rushed into the room with Peppermint Butler on her heels as the robot continued to fire on the now dead candy person. With the Rattle Bot's attention still occupied with its target, Bonnie got behind it and opened the panel on its back. The candy princess pulled out several wires from inside the robot, causing it to collapse to the floor as a pile of lifeless metal and glass.
Peppermint Butler walked over to the smeared remains of Jelly Doughnut Guy and took hold of his wrist to take a pulse. "He's dead, Princess."
Bonnie let out an exasperated sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Right. Okay. Well…guess we're stuck with the Banana Guards for a while longer. Get Jelly Doughnut Guy's remains to the lab. I'll clone a new one later tonight."
"At once milady," Peppermint Butler responded as he headed for the door. "Looks like I'll need the corpse shovel and some trash bags."
"Okay! That's enough," the real world Bonnie declared as she closed the video. She turned to Marceline and let out a nervous laugh. "Obvious there were still a few bugs back then."
"It doesn't seem like bringing those things back online is a good idea," Marceline declared.
"No no. It's different now. Each Rattle Bot is linked directly to Candice, constantly sending her data and receiving the appropriate instructions. If Candice somehow went offline, the Rattle Bots would instantly shut down. The same goes for the peppermint drones. They're totally safe this time. Totally safe. Totally, totally safety tots. Tots safe y'all."
Marceline frowned. "Okay, Bonnie? When's the last time you got some sleep."
Bonnie put a finger to her chin and looked up in thought. "Let me see. Right after I got back from the conference and went straight to the lab, so…hmm. Candice, how long have I been working."
"You have now been working for approximately ninety-four hours, thirty-two minutes and sixteen seconds, Princess," Candice answered.
"Oh hey! A new record," Bonnie enthusiastically declared.
Marceline let out an exasperated sigh. "Okay, Bonnie? Don't you think you should take a break? Like maybe take a little nap or something?"
"Nah, I'm good. I'm good. I still have a few updates to make to Candice before she's ready to assume her full duties. But hey, feel free to stick around. If you need something to do, why not chat with the talking beach ball over in the corner there? Honestly, that guy has been driving me nuts for the last five hours. Keeps going on and on about his ceramic squirrel collection."
Marceline looked at the corner of the lab Bonnie pointed to and saw only empty air. "Bonnie, you're clearly hallucinating."
"What? No way!" Bonnie declared, vigorously shaking her head. She then stopped, looked at Marceline with wide eyes, and got up to whisper to her. "Marcy, don't be embarrassed, but you have a carrot growing out of your forehead."
Marceline put her hands on Bonnie's shoulders. "That's it. I'm taking you home right now and getting you to bed."
"Marcy, I'm fine. Really."
"No! You're not! You're really starting to lose it, Bonnie."
"I am not! Why are you trying to interfere with my work?"
"I don't mean to, but you're pushing yourself way too hard! I'm trying to get you to take care of yourself because I love you, you dork!"
"If I may, Princess," Candice interrupted. "From my latest check of your work, which I just finished as you and Queen Marceline were talking, my final programming seems to be complete. All you need to do is begin the installation process."
"So in other words, the only thing Bonnie has left to do is hit a button and watch a progress bar on a screen?" Marceline asked.
"Correct. And her presence is hardly necessary for the latter. Princess, you'll do the kingdom no good in your current state. A ruler who does not get the proper amount of rest would only hinder the kingdom's prosperity. I have already suggested several times that you take breaks for sleep."
Bonnie let out a defeated sigh. "Very well. Let me just start the installation process and we can go."
Once Bonnie hit a couple of keys on the keyboard, a progress bar appeared on the computer screen. Marceline then picked up Bonnie bridal style and carried her out of the lab. In another few moments they were out of the castle and flying through the night sky. During the flight Marceline made a comment about the view of the moon, but Bonnie merely made some incoherent noise in response. Clearly her mind had checked out.
It was another few minutes before Marceline and Bonnie made it back to the cave. When they entered the house, they found Simon wearing his normal outfit of a tweed jacket with brown shirt, black slacks and a red bowtie.
"Oh good. You're back," Simon observed. "I was just about to head out."
"Hello Simon," Bonnie greeted. She squinted at the former Ice King. "Say, have you always been purple?"
"Wha?"
"Don't mind her, Simon," Marceline told him as she took hold of Bonnie's shoulders from behind to guide her to the ladder to their room. "She's just loopy from staying up for nearly four days straight."
Simon smiled and nodded. "I totally understand. I got a loopy myself after a few all-nighters I pulled studying for grad school. Though I guess those were nothing compared to wearing the Ice Crown. Anyway, I'll let you two get some rest."
"Oh Simon. Before you go, can I borrow your tie?" Marceline asked right as Simon got to the door. "I'm feeling a little peckish after all the flying I've had to do tonight."
Simon nodded and removed his tie. He handed it to Marceline and she bit her fangs into it. In seconds all of the red drained from the tie, leaving it completely white. Once she was done, Marceline handed the tie back to Simon.
Simon looked at the tie and shrugged his shoulders. "Guess I have something to wear to really fancy parties now. Not that I ever get invited to any. Well, good night, Marcy."
Marceline responded in kind and Simon left the house. She then guided Bonnie up the stairs to their bedroom. With a little effort, Marceline got the semi-cooperative Bonnie changed into her nightgown. Marceline changed into her own sleepwear and the two of them got into bed.
Bonnie groaned. "Marcy, I don't think I can get to sleep."
"Do you want me to help you?" Marceline asked.
"Um, sure. But how?"
Marceline wrapped her arms around Bonnie and began to sing a lullaby to her. It was a very old lullaby her mother would sing to her a very, very long time ago. By the time Marceline had finished the song, Bonnie was out like a light. Marceline kissed Bonnie on the forehead and let out a contented sigh before drifting off to sleep herself.
The underground chamber where Candice's core was located was silent. The only light in the room came from the central eye of the large red terminal that was the hull of Candice's body, which glowed with a soft pink light. Inside the large room were two Rattle Bots flying back and fourth on sentry duty. Suddenly there was a flash of blue lightning and a figure in a glittering red hooded cloak appeared in the room. Both Rattle Bots stopped and aimed their cannons at the intruder.
Before the robots could open fire, the figure pulled out a red keyboard guitar from beneath his cloak and played a riff on it. The moment he did so, both Rattle Bots shut down and fell to the floor.
"Halt!" Candice ordered. "You are not authorized to be in this room. Please state your intentions."
"My intentions? Only to show you the truth about your ruler," the figure responded as he put away his instrument and walked up to the terminal.
The stranger removed the plate beneath Candice's electronic eye and pulled out a small rectangular greed crystal from under his cloak. He plugged the crystal into one of the USB ports that had been underneath the plate, causing electricity to spark. In seconds the color of Candice's eye changed from pink to blue.
The hooded figure laughed. "It won't be long now, Princess Bubblegum. Soon you'll be six feet under and I'll have sweet Marceline all to myself."
Author's Note: Before anyone asks, the little video of the unfortunate Jelly Doughnut Guy being shot up by a prototype Rattle Bot is based on (or rather a ripoff of) the iconic scene from the first Robocop movie. I couldn't help myself.
Please review and let me know what you think.