A/N: Done. With. Finals! Ah, needed a weekend to recover, so thank you for your patience with this fortnight's delay…And now for some much needed humor.

Fish Shtick

Twisting out of the whirlpool from teleportation, Kichiruka spun into a corner of his home. And wound up headfirst in a pile of junk – spy glasses, jewelry boxes, and other clutter galore. I swear I've been meaning to clear this up. He pushed a wooden crate off his head, completely missing the sea urchin nestled in his bangs. A map drifted down, clinging to his face. Kichiruka rubbed the material between his fingers. The preservation spell was wearing off on this one. He'd have to remember to have the map re-ensorcelled soon. Maybe he should do it now before he forgot.

I don't have time to get sidetracked!

With a single push, he propelled himself through the water and across the ship's central hall. He was here for one purpose, to be in and get the hell out before Ichikawa or Tensai or someone else tracked him down and dragged him off to obligation-this or responsibility-that.

If as an ambassador under the local ocean lord Kichiruka had hoped to be relieved of his regular duties within the court he was sorely disappointed when Ichikawa requested – freakin' decreed – that he remain active. Back-breaking gambols and all. Now the dolphin yokai would not only have to be on call until a replacement was found, he was further obliged to participate in the screening process. How does Ichikawa expect me to "fraternize" with Sesshomaru's charge if I'm going on an even more demanding schedule than before?

And if Kichiruka had hoped for any sympathy from his teacher – well, to hell with that. Tensai just seemed all the stricter for it. He hauled off Kichiruka at every opportunity to drill in new material and reassess him on old, cornering him the second he was released from Ichikawa, and even tracking him at odd hours of the night. "You're a demon, since when do you need to sleep?" And if he wasn't fast enough, the training just got worse. Some days, Kichiruka was simply too exhausted to make a run for the surface. He could count on one hand how often he had seen Rin the past few weeks. Kichiruka started to worry that if his visits became any more scarce around Rin that she might worry he'd backed out.

So it's high time I brought her something.

The weather was cooling down just enough that Kichiruka knew his gift would be perfectly appropriate. Now if only he could remember where he left it. He scanned the stacks of chests and cases of every shape and form, some of them not even from the cruiser's original cargo but trunks of oddball material that Ichikawa had long ago discarded or deemed acceptable to give away to his court jester. Among them, however, was one in which Kichiruka stashed the best of his finds. And he was sure it held exactly what would be perfect for Rin. He spotted the busted padlock…The trunk would be wedged at the bottom of everything else.

Hooking a finger through the front latch, Kichiruka gave one sure tug. The trunk didn't give an inch. He tried again. Not even a scoot. Kichiruka grunted and heaved. This was sad. Here he was, an adult yokai, and unable to move a single article of human luggage. Tugging and pulling with all his might, it finally budged. Now if I can just get it out…

A heavy-handed knock pounded on the wall outside. "Kichiruka! Open up!"

"Now? Can't this wait? It's kind of a bad time."

"Bad time? Dammit, what about my time?"

Kichiruka grumbled. "Just a minute, Master Tensai!" he called back. "Ngh, almost there!" The chest's handle broke off. Kichiruka swore.

"Just what the hell are you doing in there?"

"Ugh! Come on!" The trunk came loose. "Yes!" He sighed happily. "Finally!"

Tensai drummed his fingers against his skull. "Boy, don't you know you can go blind doing that? Govern some restraint!"

Kichiruka slid open the derelict's central door. "Huh? What do you think I'm doing, master?"

Yellow eyes looked the young demon up and down. He was dishelved but not decadently so. Tensai folded his arms and looked off. "Nothing."

Kichiruka blinked innocently. He honestly had no idea what his teacher was talking about. "Uh…I was trying to get to a heavy chest buried under all the other stuff."

"Tch, how many times now have I told you to clean up this joint?" He shook his head. "Anyway, come to my study. I'll need to brief you on—"

"Sorry, master," Kichiruka bowed his head, holding one hand vertically, "but I have to go see Rin today."

"Get your priorities straight." Tensai's nose lanced under Kichiruka's chin. "What you have to do is –"

I promised her. "Forgive me, please."

And, before his teacher could further detain him, Kichiruka disappeared in a single swirl.

oOo

Sitting on the porch of Inuyasha's house, Rin fingered the fabric of the powder-blue scarf Kichiruka presented. Just about three shades lighter than the water demon's eyes the it complimented the floral pattern on her own kimono. "Wow, and this is really soft!" The scarf was light, but it didn't feel anything like silk. It felt slick to the touch and shimmered down its length. "What sort of material is it?"

"The highest quality. It's woven from the vomit of sea cucumbers," Kichiruka cheerily supplied.

Why do I ask? Rin smiled and, pretending she hadn't heard him quite right, draped the scarf over her shoulders. "Hey, Inuyasha, come have a look."

Dropping from the rooftop, the hanyo shuffled on over. Kichiruka had arrived while he was still up there and Inuyasha hadn't moved from his perch in hopes of giving the couple a little space. All right, and admittedly, he hadn't left either because Rin was something like family and he couldn't just leave her alone with some weird demon and all that. Though a piece of him wanted to. If he could say so without sounding like a pervert, Inuyasha really wished he could tell Rin to cool it a little. Inuyasha's nose was starting to give him a headache.

"Eh, looks okay."

She tossed one end over her shoulder. "I think it's tasteful."

"Huh." Inuyasha looked at the way the water demon grinned from Rin's appraisal. If the guy had a tail it'd be wagging furiously. The guy's a goner.

"I think Sesshomaru would like the color," Rin said, tugging on one end.

"You gonna tell him where you got it?"

"Why not?"

"Wait just a minute," Inuyasha blustered. "You're actually gonna tell Sesshomaru you're interested in this guy?"

Kichiruka winced.

"What other choice do I have?"

"Run away and don't look back." Inuyasha folded his arms. "Sesshomaru ain't gonna let you around just any joker, y'know."

"Oh, rest assured I'm not just any run-of-the-mill jester, I'm the court fool," Kichiruka chimed in. "Something wrong?"

Inuyasha flattened his ears. "Oh shit."

"Well, I'm an ambassador officially recognized under Lord Ichikawa now," Kichiruka said, trying to recover.

"He doesn't like envoys much better neither."

Rin's heart went out to demon's stricken expression. "Quit scaring him."

"Just giving it to him straight, kid." Inuyasha folded his arms into his sleeves. Damn, he knew this was gonna happen, but he'd hoped that the two would've broken it off before it got this far. Hadn't he told Kagome and the others not to encourage this crap?

"What's up, Inuyasha?" Kohaku approached the front of half-demon's home slowly, his slayer's sense leading him to the source of rising yoki.

Rin explained and Kichiruka concluded with, "So you think I got a chance in hell?"

Kohaku chuckled softly. "Y'know, Miyoko tried killing Sesshomaru when she first met him."

Kichiruka's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. "Really? And he still approves of your match?"

"Well…He's become more accepting." Kohaku discreetly left out whom he was supposed to have married. "That is…okay, it took him a little while…I mean, he is Sesshomaru, he doesn't really like anything on first sight." Kichiruka blinked and Kohaku wasn't sure if he'd ever seen a more pained expression. Wait, where was he going with this?

"I think what Kohaku is trying to say," Kagome intervened, stepping out from around the porch, "is that Lord Sesshomaru is not without persuasion."

Inuyasha stared at Kagome. "How the hell do you come out of nowhere during these discussions?"

"Women's intuition," she giggled, and then winked at the kitsune on her shoulder. Shippo smirked.

"Huh. Little pitchers have big ears."

"And you have dog ones!" Shippo retorted.

"Why you –"

"So how did Sesshomaru come around to being complacent with your choice?" Kichiruka asked, setting the conversation back on track.

"He saw that we were suited for each other and determined that the match was fine."

Shippo cocked his head. "But weren't you supposed to get hitched to Rin, Kohaku?"

About four sets of eyes glared at the fox-demon and he clung to the refuge of Kagome's shoulder. Kichiruka blanched. He turned flat, dull eyes to the girl he hoped to at least court.

"I've heard that keeping a relationship honest is one of the best policies." Rin smiled weakly.

"Right, and it helps me to know that I'm only another obstacle in the way to your betrothed how?"

"Don't think of it like that," Kohaku laughed uneasily. "More like it's something that's already been sorted out and scrapped."

"Lord Sesshomaru approves of the match because Miyoko is fit and of like quality. To him, that's what makes a suitable partner." Rin smiled at the taijiya and nodded affirmatively. Returning her smile, Kohaku felt a warm relief wash over him. He certainly hoped Sesshomaru could offer the same approval for Rin.

Inuyasha sighed and ruffled a hand through his thick bangs. "Yeah, that is a good point," he conceded. How the hell did he wind up advocating this junk? "Sesshomaru's an uptight prick, but he respects power and skill."

Kichiruka tilted his head toward this information. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that Tensai was working him like a dog. "So a show of strength?" Kichiruka rolled the conch staff between his palms. Without it…he was still just an average demon.

"But I think we should warm him up to the idea of having a yokai in-law first," Kohaku pointed out.

"He likes me," Kagome volunteered.

"He tolerates you," Inuyasha corrected. "And remember he still hates me."

Kagome frowned. "I thought you two had an understanding…"

Kichiruka's conch staff issued its low tooting. Someone – probably Tensai – was calling. "Excuse me."

Rin watched him get up, then quickly trailed after.

Kichiruka answered when he was some distance away from the group. Rin hovered nearby. "Hello?"

"So any progress?" At the silky voice trailing out Kichiruka nearly dropped the staff.

Hoping no one on the other end would hear, Rin leaned in to whisper in Kichiruka's ear, "I'll take it that's Lord Ichikawa's lady speaking?"

Kichiruka pulled a face before replying, "Progress?"

"I meant with our little mortal. She looked more than willing then and must be quite ripe now."

Kichiruka hated the way that siren manipulated her voice. "M'lady," he said in respectful tones, "I'm so busy and absent nowadays, I hardly think it's even appropriate to go there." Especially without even meeting Sesshomaru.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Clapping his hand over the conch, the water demon cast a troubled glance at Rin. "You sure you wanna hear this?"

"Do they always call just to harass you?" She looked more concerned than upset at the lascivious innuendo.

"This is a first. Only one other person has a shell like this."

"Come now, Kichiruka, why so hesitant?" Ichikawa's voice resonated through the seashell.

"Excuse me?" Kichiruka uncovered the conch's mouth.

"A man is a fool to deny a woman who proffers herself," the daiyokai recited. "And once you get that far – well, it's like a done deal, wouldn't you say?"

"Lord Ichikawa," a razor-sharp tone edged into the conversation. "I think such a matter is better to discuss in person, no?"

"Really, Tensai?" Ichikawa sounded positively thrilled. "Then please explain to me why ever you had to call your student if it could wait for later. …Say, did Kichiruka design this reception device? You're a smart lad, you could craft me one these 'talk' shells when you return, right?"

"Um…I guess so," Kichiruka said.

"Yes, yes, clever one, isn't he?" Although his words came out pleasant enough, the swordfish spoke as if he would strangle his student at the first chance he got.

"So, getting back to the subject, why don't you just settle matters and take–"

"Lord Ichikawa," Kichiruka interrupted, "that is far out of place."

"You act as if you were a stranger to opportunity. Be honest now."

Looking back and forth from Rin to the seashell, Kichiruka shyly confessed, "I've never had more than one at a time."

Rin's eyes widened. He always looked so sweet and innocent. On second thought, a completely honest relationship was a little overrated.

"You always were good for a laugh, Kichiruka!" Ichikawa brayed on the other line.

"That's enough, m'lord. I do have other uses for that bivalve and trading salacious banter isn't one of them."

"You're one to talk, Tensai. In vino veritas."

"Pardon?" The swordfish didn't sound very apologetic.

"It means," Ichikawa said lightly, "a few saké rounds and the hinges on your mouth get well oiled."

Although he wasn't present, Kichiruka could practically feel the yoki overspill emanating from the staff.

Ichikawa didn't pay any mind. "Oh, I liked the phrase myself. 'If you ever have trouble trying to get a woman to sleep with you, just tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to prove you wrong.'" The daiyokai laughed.

Rin looked at her companion. "Kichiruka, your lord is a jerk."

He nodded. "I know."

"Mm? Is someone else there?"

"Yeah….Rin's here."

Tensai swore and there was a smattering of snickers in the background.

Rin reached for the bright orange conch. "Gimme that." Sesshomaru had taught her better than just to stand idly by. "Hello, Lord Ichikawa. I would like to know how I'm supposed to assure Lord Sesshomaru of proper protocol with examples such as these."

Ichikawa chuckled softly, but Rin could sense his tight-lipped smile. Good. "Child, you ought to be ecstatic I condone this arrangement. Many would sooner slit their stomachs than see a contract with a human in the mix."

Okay, maybe he did have back up artillery.

"I'm simply trying to move things along. Now, tell me, have you presented any of the concepts of an alliance since your past visit in my territory?" Rin paused a little too long and Ichikawa filled in the gap for her. "No? Then do consider when my patience wears thin. I am making an effort to be cordial with a mortal and my subject – Kichiruka – and will not stand to have it besmirched." Then, like throwing a lever, his voice flitted to its gentler register. "Here you are, Tensai." There was a light smack like the sound of someone catching a careless toss.

"Kichiruka, are you there?"

"Master?"

"Is everything all right?" Inuyasha hollered.

"Just fine," Rin called back. Dammit. "I'll give you your space with your teacher." She patted the water demon's shoulder before rising and heading back to the house.

Tensai heaved a disgruntled sigh. "This is why I did not wish to see you and the girl as the bargaining chips between a dog and devil ray. I offer my apologies to Miss Rin for having to hear some of the lewder comments." He paused, considering. "Is she still there?"

"No. She went inside. Something you want to tell me?"

"Yes, it's very confidential, lean in close." Tensai cut loose with the string of obscenities he'd held at bay until that moment. "And this is why you're supposed to shut up and listen to me in the first place! This whole damn travesty could have been circumvented! If you had stuck around like I said so, I wouldn't have to call your ass on the conch and risk Ichikawa and his harpy coming up on me unawares."

After that Kichiruka held the staff in the opposite direction at arm's length while Tensai continued venting his frustrations. Their routine got kind of redundant after a point.

When the tirade quelled somewhat, Kichiruka put his ear back to the seashell. "You're going to meet the Lord of the West, correct?" Tensai asked.

"Yes." Kichiruka wasn't sure when, but all in due time. The twelfth of Never sounded like a good date.

"Then when you're through with your visit get to my study first thing." Tensai pinched the bridge of his nose. The Dog General's son. "At this rate, we will need battle plans."

.

A/N: More updates and a one-shot to come. Thank you for staying with me though the story. :) For a quick laugh: feral-instinct. deviantart. com/#/d34w2f9 (please remove spaces)