A/N: Because I remembered that I labeled this story under comedy as well. And I like giving the audience an unexpected twist. :)

The Snack that Smiles Back

Goldfish, Kichiruka thought. That's where he had seen than unsettling shade of amber before. When he had been picking off Rin's suitors, almost all the lords had kept a few alongside the koi in their ponds. The dolphin soon found they were more fun to play with than to eat. If Sesshomaru's hate-filled eyes were going to be the last thing he saw, Kichiruka figured it was nice to associate the color with something pleasant.

Sesshomaru jerked him out of the reverie with a violent shake. The conch staff nearly slipped out of his grasp.

"Lord Sesshomaru!"

Rin. Resurfacing, Kichiruka tried to listen for anything else she might say. But he had to stay conscious for that.

"I gave him an offer for last words. He hasn't responded," Sesshomaru said coolly with eerie tranquility. Then added as if in afterthought, "You don't have to watch, Rin."

Last words? Though he couldn't make heads or tails of what she was saying, the girl's spirited cries pushed Kichiruka to stay alert. He cleared his throat. No mean feat when it felt locked in an iron hold. He had to keep one hand on Sesshomaru's wrist to keep from hanging. After that last jolt he only managed to hold on to the staff's tip. I need to get out of his grip. Just distance myself. The shell end of the staff pushed against mud, but there wasn't any substantial water to be had. Kichiruka wished it would start raining again. Peeking through hazy eyes, he spotted what he hoped to be a rain puddle. Kichiruka's memory drudged up a spell he'd learned over the summer.

Gurgling? Sesshomaru arched a brow at the demon in his hand. Already rendered inarticulate? "Rin, he would have made a sorry match for you anyway."

Tuning out Rin's protests, Kichiruka focused completely on the puddle some ways behind her. He summoned it. Come here!

A sharp whistle caught Sesshomaru off guard. The piercing noise addled his sensitive ears and Kichiruka's spirits soared for a moment as the claws loosened. Then Sesshomaru remembered himself and doggedly hung on. He didn't pay any mind to the water that suddenly slushed around his boots.

The conch touched to the water. But Sesshomaru still throttled his quarry. He needs to let go.

The goldfish eyes narrowed and a sickly, bitter scent emanated from the claws at Kichiruka's throat. "Such a waste."

Dammit, let go! Panicking, Kichiruka flailed in the grip. Sesshomaru just held on tighter even as they both sank into what had appeared to be a shallow puddle's depths. But he doesn't know where we're going!

And there was no undoing the spell now.

oOo

Kichiruka coughed, pushing his silver bangs from his vision. He didn't feel quite "settled in" yet – that sometimes happened with teleportation. When the world stilled a little, Kichiruka looked up from the ground. Just a stone's throw in front of him, he watched himself sit upright without so much as a wince. I look fine. He smiled. Glad I can see myself.

Then he realized just how wrong that sounded.

"Kichiruka!"

"Rin!" he exclaimed.

She ran over to his double.

Kichiruka gasped. Gods above! Have I died and am now doomed to observe specters of what might have –

Pain suddenly jolted through his left arm. "HOLY—!" Well, he was alive. And settled in, so to speak. But the settled in where? The sleeve covering the arm wasn't dark blue like his robes. It was white and had a red honeycomb pattern just like…

Uh-oh.

And fresh pain stabbed through him again. Damn, he gauged just how hard he zapped Sesshomaru earlier, but he didn't think the paralysis would be this bad. It was like taking your worst cramp and shoving a hot coal stoker through the palm up. Kichiruka couldn't imagine how Sesshomaru had kept a straight face the whole time.

…Well, at least I gave him a reason to kill me. He smirked. Then looked back at where Rin was fussing over who she thought was "Kich'."

"Let me see." Rin studied the raw flesh that was revealed around Kichiruka's neck in jagged, brutal claw marks. But he didn't make any sign of pain or even acknowledge her attendance. "Are you okay?"

"No." The demon drew a breath that rattled only in the slightest. "Rin…Tell me, why I am smiling like an idiot?"

Rin looked at his face – a faultless stoic mask in spite of all the roughing up Sesshomaru had given him. "Kichiruka, I haven't seen you look more serious than…"

"Hey, Rin, I think he means me." Turning at the sound of Sesshomaru's voice, she looked at the dog-demon. A sunny smile lit up his face, making his amber eyes shine, stripes quirk…and making Rin want to gag. It looked so out of whack. She glanced back at Kichiruka who, in an odd twist since the start of all this, looked like he wanted to kill Sesshomaru.

Slowly, the water-demon stood so he towered over everyone still on the ground. His posture remained stiff-legged like an angry dog. "Or perhaps you can explain to me, prawn," he said in dangerous tones that grew louder with his fury, "Why I am in your body!"

From his place in the Western Lord's form, Kichiruka shrugged. "I dunno."

That wasn't the answer Sesshomaru wanted. He moved to strike his body's invader, but this time when Kichiruka dodged it worked. In one fluid motion, Kichiruka sprang to his feet and slid backward. He didn't fall either.

"Wow! I'm fast now!" he exulted. In Sesshomaru's voice, of course.

Rin looked between the pair. She had seen them vanish the way Kichiruka's magic always worked with a quick watery whisk, but when the two yokai came tumbling out of the next pool more than their physical positions seemed flip-flopped.

One way to solve this. "Lord Sesshomaru!" she called.

Blue eyes turned to her. But that was definitely Sesshomaru's signature leer.

Rin swallowed her pulse. "…And Kichiruka?" she ventured.

"Yeah?" An unnatural grin beamed from "Sesshomaru."

"How in all the worlds did you…?"

Kichiruka – Rin was sure of it now – pointed at the demon opposite him. "He didn't know where we were going. And should have let go."

"Bastard," Sesshomaru spat. "You knew this would happen."

"I didn't," Kichiruka swore. "You're the one who—" He paused and sniffed. "Hey! I can smell someone coming!" This was so cool!

Jaken rushed to the scene. "Lord Sesshomaru!" he cried, bowing at Kichiruka's boots.

Sesshomaru stood in quiet, seething mortification. "Jaken. Come here."

Kichiruka nearly busted out laughing and threw Rin a smirk over his shoulder. Her doleful expression cut his mirth short. This wasn't something that was supposed to be funny. She expected him to behave better than that.

Sesshomaru didn't.

Clenching the strange hands into fists, Sesshomaru ground his teeth. He should have known better. That bastard had a good front as an idiot, but he was damn smart – switching them at the last moment. The real Lord of the West could be done away with now. Who would recognize him? All that was necessary was for the prawn to report to his overlord – who had probably devised this scheme from the start – show up impersonating Sesshomaru and put the good name of the West to whatever they wanted.

Kichiruka shook his head, trying to clear out all the new privileges this moment of serendipity could afford him. None of them were right. "Um…Jaken?"

"Yes, m'lord," the imp slavishly parroted. And a sharp kick caught him in the back.

"I'm your master," Sesshomaru asserted.

Jaken blinked, wringing the Staff of Skulls in his claws. Since when did this oddball sea demon become his new liege?

"He's right," Kichiruka said, not sure if he could be believed because he looked and sounded like Sesshomaru or discredited for the very same reason.

"Let me try." Rin explained.

Bursting into tears, Jaken prostrated himself at his true lordship's feet, apologizing profusely and pausing only to sling the occasional insult Kichiruka's way. Sesshomaru felt fractionally better.

"So now what?" Rin asked when Jaken finally stopped blubbering, somewhat assisted by Sesshomaru's heel.

"You are coming with me," the daiyokai growled, roughly hauling Kichiruka off by the front of his armor.

Damn, I didn't know I had that much strength in my body. But then again, Kichiruka hardly got that angry.

"Where are we going?" he asked, checking over his shoulder with all the spikes to see Rin and Jaken following. Hey, I'm gonna need my conch staff, too.

Sesshomaru didn't answer and continued stalking in the direction of the village, water demon in tow. Or would that be me now? He shuddered at the thought.

Rin jogged up to Kichiruka. "You're probably going to see Kagome."

Fighting Sesshomaru's lead a little less, Kichiruka considered this. "How could a priestess reverse this situation?"

"Don't question Lord Sesshomaru's insight!" Jaken snapped. He made a valiant attempt not to look at his addressee. It still went against him to rail against someone who, in all conspicuous respects, was Lord Sesshomaru.

"It's a spiritual thing?" Rin guessed.

"But wouldn't a miko's powers sooner purify us – even accidentally – than fix this predicament?"

Furious and exasperated, Sesshomaru whirled on Kichiruka. "All right, prawn, who can get me out of your repulsive body?"

"It's not repulsive. It's my body."

"Exactly." Sesshomaru pointed at the dark blotches that now speckled his face. "It looks like I have the plague."

"Oh yeah?" Kichiruka plucked at the fur on his shoulder. And tried not to wince when he lost a few hairs. "Can you tell me just what the heck this is supposed to—urk!"

Claws clamped to his throat. "Who can fix this?"

"I know someone who might…" Kichiruka gasped. At least Sesshomaru wasn't tall enough to strangle hang him anymore.

"Bring. Him. Here."

"Lord Sesshomaru," Rin drawled, "that might be more easily done if you let him breathe for longer than twenty seconds at a time."

Unless he's just masochistic and likes inflicting pain on his own body. Kichiruka kept the comment to himself. Sesshomaru let him go.

"Well?" The daiyokai pressed when the prawn didn't immediately jump into action. Kichiruka didn't like the get-to-it scowl Sesshomaru twisted into his face.

Boss me around, huh? The jester's old habits kicked in. With a devilish smirk, Kichiruka collected himself and, in a commanding tone, turned toward the Western Lord's little retainer. "Jaken, the staff."

"Yes, m'lord!" Jaken automatically responded and fetched him the conch.

Blue eyes flushed to a frightening crimson. Disgusted, Sesshomaru ripped the second staff from Jaken's hands. "What do you think you're doing, you idiot?" he hissed.

The poor imp looked back and forth between the two men – one looked like Lord Sesshomaru and one who was in faith. He threw his hands and the Nintojo up in the air. "This is too confusing!"

"Not much for a sense of humor, are you?" Kichiruka teased the dog-demon in his body.

Rin slipped a hand over her eyes. All right, now you're just digging your own grave, Kich'…

Sesshomaru tossed the conch staff back to where it had lain on the ground. He glared at Kichiruka. "Get it yourself."

Well, that was childish. Inhaling patiently, Kichiruka went to retrieve his material.

Sesshomaru wasn't sure if he liked the idea of watching himself stoop to pick up the staff. It seemed like such a servile task. But I'm here, he reminded himself.

Kichiruka plunked down in the mud.

A spotted hand twitched. "Stand up."

Kichiruka looked up at Sesshomaru from his seat on the sodden earth. Doesn't want get his pretty clothes messed up, huh? Though the job had pretty much been accomplished from their battle earlier. Sesshomaru repeated the command. Fangs grated. Kichiruka's patience was vast, but it certainly wasn't boundless. "I should think you'd appreciate the expedience, Lord Sesshomaru."

"Brassy little…" Jaken was cut off as Kichiruka spoke gently to the conch in a series of clicks and it replied with a low ringing sound. Everyone leaned forward – Sesshomaru to a lesser degree – and shortly someone answered.

"What now?"

"Master Tensai, I'm in need of your counsel."

"Who the hell is this?"

"It's me – Kichiruka."

"What's wrong with your voice? Did they finally drop?"

Orange spikes clunked against the crescent moon that now graced Kichiruka's forehead, and Sesshomaru shifted uncomfortably in the third-rate demon's body.

"Master, it's a serious matter."

Sesshomaru moved toward Kichiruka. Rin grabbed at his arm, something she wouldn't have normally done if he had his proper body. Rin cringed as what she had known to be friendly eyes narrowed to ice chips. "He is taking too long to get to the point," Sesshomaru said pointedly.

"That's his teacher."

"And?" Rin felt his gaze shift to the side of her face. Sesshomaru glanced back at the conch staff that shared the same hue. "Where did you say you got those earrings?"

Rin smiled sheepishly. "From a friend."

Kichiruka heard his instructor heave a gusty sigh. "Why don't you just get your stupid self to my study right now and –"

"That's kind of hard to do. I'm not in the ocean either."

"Boy, what is going on?"

Sesshomaru made a second go toward Kichiruka, and Rin tipped the conch her way. "Master Tensai, please." Kichiruka let the staff slip into her grasp. "We really need your area of expertise. It's a very difficult position."

For the first time in ten years, Tensai had considered eating when Kichiruka called. Now with Rin's information he suddenly lost his appetite. "Young lady, hasn't your mother already given you the talk about this sort of thing? Yeesh, call me when I'm not sober."

A tic jumped in Sesshomaru's jaw. Just what sort of riffraff had Rin been fraternizing with?

Kichiruka saw the murderous look cross his face. Geez, may I never get that worked up. The daiyokai's body had its benefits. In a single burst of speed, Kichiruka effectively blocked Sesshomaru. He heard a pained squeak underneath his heel. Heh, two yokai with one sweep.

"No, it's a real problem, sir," Rin said…fully aware of the juvenile game of keep-away they had going.

Tensai heard the worry twang in her voice. "Someone had better be dying – and not in the archaic sense. I'm on my way."

Sesshomaru went for the weak arm and viciously shoved Kichiruka aside. But by then the line was already dead.

"That was uncalled for," Kichiruka groaned, massaging his arm. But the pain had since quelled to a dull throb. This guy's lucky – his wounds heal within less than a day.

Sesshomaru ignored him, turning the shell staff this way and that as if to find an opening or an activation device. "Is he also a spellcaster?"

"Yes," Kichiruka answered.

Sesshomaru automatically reached for his right shoulder, then remembered there was no fur to soothe. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "How long until he arrives?"

Kichiruka blinked. "Master Tensai's fast – he's a swordfish."

"How long?"

"In what he calls a 'preferred state,' I always figured his nose was about the length of my elbow to the tip of my fin—"

"Lord Sesshomaru means the wait, you dolt!" Jaken snapped.

Rin cleared her throat. "Soon." Hopefully Tensai will arrive before Sesshomaru's patience wears out.

Striding toward the brook, Sesshomaru stood with his back to everyone else. Sufficiently isolating himself. He closed his eyes against the gray skies, trying to find a center of focus.

"Hey, so what's this sword do?"

Blue eyes flew open. "Touch that and I will break your wrist," Sesshomaru promised, lunging to Kichiruka's side before he could draw Bakusaiga.

"Technically, it's not my wrist…" The corners of the dolphin's mouth curled.

"Stop it," Sesshomaru ordered.

"What?"

"Contorting my face like that."

"You're not used to smiling, are you?"

Sesshomaru frowned. And Kichiruka's grin just broadened.

"I would say strike him, but we wouldn't want to further disgrace m'lord's countenance," Jaken sneered.

"Is that so? I say Lord Sesshomaru would look better if he were to lighten up more." Kichiruka laughed.

I don't care if it is my body. Sesshomaru raised a clawed hand. Mercifully, the impending skirmish was interrupted by the roar of a cyclone from the tiny brook.

Sesshomaru stood with arms folded. "Huh. If his name's anything to go by, is that your teacher?"

The tempest settled quickly around a thin man in black robes. And Rin had never been happier to see the stormy old demon before.

oOo

While he made whatever adaptations water demons needed – it appears to be a breathing adjustment – Sesshomaru studied the newest yokai that emerged from the brook. A quick evaluation told the daiyokai that this one, like the prawn, was of second-string status. Though he had an exceptional guise. The sails on his head were black and could easily be confused with human hair. Even his ears were refined only the faintest perk at the edge. If it weren't for his aura, Sesshomaru could have carelessly passed him over in a crowd. The dog-demon frowned. It seemed pathetic that a lesser yokai should try so diligently to mimic the human form.

Pressing his hands to the gills on his neck, Tensai hummed a soft incantation before stepping out of the brook. And nearly fell back in at the sight of the regal dog-demon. Though in all his visions, Tensai had never pictured Sesshomaru as being one to wear a confused look on his face. Maybe it was seeing a sea demon? Tensai did get that once in a while from terrestrial yokai. He tipped his head in a curt greeting. "What is the issue?" He glared at his student when he spoke. When Kichiruka didn't flinch, he stalked up to him. "Well, moron? Did you call me out just to waste my time?" Tensai railed. "Who do you think you are that to drag the Western Lord out…" Tensai paused in mid-tirade. Kichiruka should have been cowering at this point. Instead his blue eyes held a distant, detached look and rather than lively as the sea they appeared as cold and expressive as a glacier. "You're not my student."

"Astute observation, old man," the imposter drawled.

Tensai ignored the sarcasm and turned to "Sesshomaru," who grinned in a way that was alien to the face but no stranger to the swordfish's eyes. The dog-demon waved feebly with just the tips of his claws.

"Hi, master."

.

A/N: Rin's going to need lots of therapy after this chapter. Thank you for reading! I always reply to reviews unless Private Messaging is disabled. Please check your settings if you would like to receive a reply.

Gag comic: feral-instinct. deviantart. com/#/d3akau6

Also a big Thank You! is in order as Tensai made 2nd Place for Best OC in the IY Fan Guild this past quarter. Your support is most appreciated. :)

On the subject: for those who may still be wondering about Tensai's human form, all things considered, especially compared to the other human-esque yokai we see in the series, Tensai looks downright normal. I mean, just check out Hoshiyomi, Menomaru, our dear Sesshomaru, and Shiori's father (don't ask me to spell his name). Though I think Gatenmaru came pretty darn close. Albeit with a very extreme liquid diet. Okay, I'll shut up with the smart remarks now and focus on my final exams.