Now that this annoyingly busy week is over, I may be updating a bit more frequently.

...Never mind, I have standardized testing this week T.T

DISCLAIMER: I am not Scott Westerfeld or the owner of the quotes below...

"What's for lunch?" Dylan sat next to Alek, peering into his plate.

"I have no idea," Alek replied, poking his food with his fork. "It seems like—why are you looking at me like that?"

"Er...there's something on your face." He gestured vaguely at Alek's face. "It's really...big."

"There is? I'll be in the bathroom." He ran off.

Dylan smirked. "You are so gullible, Alek..."

. . .

"Alek! Alek!" Dylan dropped into the engine pod.

"What is it?" he asked, looking at the boy's flushed face.

"Outside, there's a dreadnought coming, and I think there's a Tesla cannon on it!"

"WHAT?" He ran over to the edge and peered over the side. "I...I don't see anything..."

"Dummkopf." Dylan smiled and walked away.

. . .

"What now?" Alek moaned as Dylan dragged him into his cabin.

"There's something I need to tell you." He had a oddly determined look on his face. Dylan closed the door, and then turned to Alek. "The truth is, I'm a girl who dressed up as a boy in order to join the Air Service."

"I-you-wha-what?" Alek stuttered. "But...but...why didn't you...how did—wait a second." Alek paused, noticing a familiar smirk on the boy's face. "No, no. I'm not falling for that again. Good job, though, that's your best one yet."

Silence.

"You were kidding, right?"

"Perhaps." And with that, Dylan walked out, leaving Alek more confused than ever.

Deryn tossed another handful of figs at the fléchette bats clustering around her. She turned to Newkirk who was shuddering in the metaphorical corner. "Help me out, you bum-rag, there's nothing to be afraid of!"

Newkirk mumbled something incoherent in reply.

Deryn rolled her eyes and continued feeding the bats.

Suddenly, a truly horrible sound came forth from the bowels of the Leviathan. Newkirk squeaked in terror, and then collapsed. The bats shrieked, the dogs howled, and soon the entire ship was engulfed in a discordant harmony.

Deryn dropped her feed bag and ran to the side of the ship. She climbed down the ratlines and pulled herself into the gondola, swiveling her head. There! The sound was coming from the front of the gondola, where Alek's cabin was. Alek...Deryn realized with a sinking feeling. What could be happening?

She ran to his room and pounded on his door. "Alek? What's going on in there? Alek!" There was no reply, but the screeching continued to emit from inside. Deryn gritted her teeth and prepared to enter, no matter what state Alek was in. It had to be bad if he was incapable of speech. She barged in to find Alek...playing the violin?

"Dylan? Er...what's the problem?" Alek asked in a thicker accent that usual.

"Are you okay? It sounded like you were in pain."

"I was merely embracing my Austrian heritage." He spread his arms wide. "What you heard was the sound of music."

"'Embracing my Austrian heritage'?" Deryn scoffed, having overcome her initial shock. "That screeching could melt Strauss into a quivering blob of shame." And with that, she smiled and walked out.

I was considering using Newkirk for the first one, but I've tortured him enough already...

I'll take requests/prompts, but be warned; I may not be able to translate them into spoofs.

Answer: As Fox Scarlen phrased it, "It's like saying the word 'doom' plus the word 'cough'...but with a slight, very slight, 'p' sound, almost silent, really but still there a little. Doom-cough, Doom-cop, Doomcopff, Dummkopf."

Question: Name that quote! "I love [if I give you the name, I'll give away the quote], she's a great kid, but that motormouth of hers could have turned Mother Teresa into an axe murderer."