(A/N Before we get going just want to add a blanket trigger warning for this story: if you will be triggered by talk of murder, death, mentions of attempted suicide, ptsd, depression, panic attacks or anything related to said topics, this story may not be for you. Feel free to step away at any time. Thank you and happy reading! Now on to the story..)
"Let's go over it one more time. I want you to really focus in on the details this time. I know they can be hard to think about, and I know we do this often, but I see improvement each time. Is talking about it helping you?" The short woman behind the desk watched her client carefully as she began gathering her notes from the session. It had been hard over the past few years, but they were making progress.
"I…I think so? I can't be sure. I'm still having the nightmares. At least once a week." Marinette gasped for a breath and continued at a faster pace as she played with the hem of her shirt. "I try to do the breathing exercises you taught me, but when I'm panicking I just can't and then I-"
"Hold on, take a breath." Myléne held up a hand to her former classmate. "Did you hear the way you were talking just then? The way your breath caught and you began talking faster and faster? That's panic. I know it's hard, but that is exactly what we don't want here. Five W's and an H, please." Myléne motioned to the poster hanging on her office wall and Marinette nodded, taking a deep breath.
"Who. I'm Marinette. I'm with you and Tikki and Mullo." She nodded to the kwamis who smiled reassuringly from their spot on Myléne's window seat cushion. "Where. I'm in your office. It's safe. When. It's a little after nine thirty. What is making me panic? Memories. Why? Because I have PTSD. How do I feel now?" Marinette took a moment to assess her body. "Slightly better."
"Good. Do you need to start again?" Myléne asked with a gentle tone, concern for her friend shining in her eyes.
"No. I think I'm okay."
"Okay, good. That was really good. You're getting a lot better at regulating during an attack. Do you think we can work through it again? Just once before we end things for today?"
"Okay..I'll do my best."
"That's all I can ask of you, Marinette." Myléne sat back in her chair as Marinette began the story again, an ear tuned to find any hint of panic in Marinette's tone.
"It started right when we graduated lycée. We were all excited. Adrien's dad had allowed him to throw a party for his graduation. We- Our whole class were all at Adrien's house setting up for the party when-"
———
"I'm all out of tape." Alya had announced from her spot on the top of a ladder, hanging decorations to the ceiling. "Got any more, Agreste?"
"Is there not any in the box Natalie gave us?" Adrien had sauntered over and peered in the box, shaking his head. "Huh. I bet my dad has some in his office." Adrien stepped back and Alya had hurried to throw Marinette into his path.
"Mari! Why don't you go with him. See what you guys can find. Nino and I will work on the tables while you look." Alya descended the ladder and she and her boyfriend had quickly set to work on the centerpieces, leaving Marinette and Adrien to wander into Gabriel's atelier alone.
"So..Marinette, are you planning on taking the job offer from my father? I know it was just sent this morning, so you probably haven't decided yet, but when Natalie told me they were thinking of hiring you I was ecstatic. I would love to have you around-" Adrien glanced at the girl and frowned when he caught sight of her horrified expression. "Marinette?"
"Love?" She mumbled as they had crossed to Gabriel's desk and began to search the drawers. Adrien had frowned even harder at that. Was she really that uncomfortable around him?
"Well yeah, most of the people at my father's company are a lot older than us. It would be nice to have someone I know who's my age.." Adrien's words trailed off when he glanced over and once again, found Marinette staring off with a horrified look on her face. "Marinette, if you don't want to work with me, that's okay. I didn't mean to-"
"Your father is Monarch."
———
"Marinette, you're taking some really deep breaths. Do we need to take a break?" Myléne asked as Marinette worked to get her breathing under control.
"No, no. I can tell the story. I can! I just.." Marinette's hands began to tremble and Myléne nodded sympathetically.
"New idea. I'll ask some questions. You answer. We'll piece the story together as a team, okay?"
Marinette agreed with a nod as Tikki flew over to offer her assurance in a gentle touch.
"What did you find in Gabriel's desk that made you realize he was Monarch?" Myléne reached across her desk to pat Marinette's hand and the bluenette took a deep breath before answering slowly.
"I…I found a letter, addressed to Adrien's aunt Amelie. He was detailing his plans..she was in on it. Natalie too. They were working to-"
"Breathe, Marinette." Myléne instructed, standing up from her desk chair. "Come sit in the window. You're always calmer near the plants." Myléne led her friend to the window seat and Marinette tried to remind herself to be calm as she watched the plants outside sway in a calm breeze. "Did the letter tell you why Monarch was terrorizing the city?"
"No. We found that out after. Adrien didn't believe me at first..but once I convinced him we searched the rest of the atelier together. We ended up finding a secret elevator. We found Monarch's lair and…" Marinette began to tear up. "Adrien's mother."
"There was a fight." Myléne supplied, rubbing Marinette's shoulder gently.
"Yes. Gabriel was standing over Emelie when we entered. I don't know why we didn't back off before he saw us, come up with a plan..anything- but-Adrien transformed, rushed Gabriel. They were fighting. I was in shock. Adrien was my partner and I hadn't known and when Gabriel transformed I-"
"What happened, Marinette?"
"I…I wanted it to end. I was so frustrated and overwhelmed. I'd spent years fighting Monarch and giving up everything; my time, my studies, my ability to hold a job, I-"
"What happened, Marinette?"
"Gabriel was going to kill him. He was going to kill Adrien. Gabriel kept spewing all this nonsense about bringing Emelie back and making a sacrifice and I was afraid- I was afraid that he meant Adrien and I loved Adrien and I- I couldn't let Gabriel kill him. So I-"
"What happened, Marinette?"
"I transformed and I threw out my yo-yo. I didn't mean to. I mean, I did, but I didn't mean to hit her. I didn't mean it. I missed, I-"
"What happened, Marinette?"
"I killed Emelie Agreste." Marinette began to sob and Myléne held her friend tighter.
"And then?" Myléne encouraged, thinking back to that day. She had been setting up a backdrop for photos when Monarch, Ladybug and Chat Noir had appeared outside.
"We we're all stunned..shocked. Gabriel and Natalie fled. Adrien and I followed. Gabriel detransformed and he and Natalie must of hid their miraculous. We caught Gabriel, but Natalie disappeared." Marinette looked up at Myléne. "Though you know that already."
"And when the police showed up?"
"Some of them wanted to arrest me for murder. But Emelie was already dead, technically, she was just held in a pod they couldn't explain..so I was let go."
"Then?"
"I went home. We all did, the whole team. My maman and papa were shocked, but happy to help bandage us all up. And then…Natalie Sancouer turned up dead under the Eiffel Tower. And Adrien's Aunt Amelie went missing and turned up in the same spot two weeks later."
"And you were blamed." Myléne stood up and Marinette followed, gathering her purse and allowing Tikki to fly inside.
"By some people. Not you. Not our team."
"By Adrien?"
"I…I don't know."
"Do you want to know?" Myléne asked as they walked out of her office and towards the lobby.
"Honestly? No. Adrien and I…it's better that we've left things alone. I'm okay with our relationship now."
"Is there a relationship there?"
"Of course. I see him once a week, just like you. And he works downstairs from where I live."
"He works downstairs, but are you downstairs?"
"Occasionally."
"Weekly check ins on our safety and skirting around us to get to your parents or a croissant don't count as relationships with us, Marinette. Though I am happy to be your therapist, I do require more out of a friendship." Myléne smiled as Marinette floundered for a response. "See you at Alya and Nino's tonight for game night?"
"You bet." Marinette assured, heading for the front door, but stopping to watch for just a moment as Myléne collected her next client. After a moment and a quick nod, Marinette slid out the front doors and onto the street.
"That was a very good session Marinette. You held it together very well. You should be proud of your progress."
"Tikki, I'm a murderer. I don't deserve to be proud of anything."