Ok another author's note, and then on to the chapter! My parents are finally letting me write some more adult stuff, so lemon will be in the upcoming chapters, and yes I did need permission because I wrote another fan fic that had lemon and they weren't too happy about it when they found it, but it's all good now! Anyway I had to take the SATs this week which we all know stands for suck ass test, that's a quote from a movie that I can't remember the name. So that's why this chapter is a bit late. I had to go to a different school, with kids who were older and looked like they could beat me up, and I randomly got invited to a baby shower XD. Anyway on to the chapter!

I just realized after all this time I've never told you about the phone bank. It's sort of like a bunch of payphones, and they're put in little rooms, completely soundproofed so nobody can here you, but of course there's some kind of wire tap so that the orderlies and therapists and stuff can hear you. My grandmother has called a few times, and usually the others get phone calls as well.

Deidara won't talk to his parents unless I come in with him for some strange reason. So I play with his hair while I listen to him and his parents talk, well more often than not argue, then turn into an all out war in which Deidara slams the phone, then comes to me for support.

His parents are real bastards, hopefully I get to say that to their face someday.

Anyway Deidara and I had been eating dinner, well I had, forcing random bits down Deidara's throat whenever I could, when an orderly came to get me.

"Sasori phone call."

"I'll be back brat." I said, standing up. Deidara watched, then went back to picking at his food. Personally if I were running this place I'd have someone force feeding him, but he'd hate that, he'd cry and whine and all that stuff. I knew how sick it made him to eat, but he was so sick right now.

"Sasori?"

My eyes blinked and I realized the orderly had pushed me into one of the rooms and pushed the phone into my hand. Note to self, stop spacing out so much.

"Hey Granny." I said, sitting in the only chair in the room and looking at my hand boredly. "How're my puppets?"

"The same as usual Sasori, it's not like they're going anywhere." she said with a chuckle. "It's not the same without you here though, they're all just gathering dust."

"I know, I want Deidara to see them."

I'd told her about him before, not that we were a thing, but just that we were friends.

"So what's up?"

"Sasori, you know what next week is, right?"

My blood went cold, and my grip tightened on the phone.

"Yeah."

"I got special clearance for you, I'm."

"I'm not going." My voice was almost robotic sounding to me.

"Sasori but you have to!"

"I don't have to do anything, I can't go."

"They were your parents Sasori!"

"I'm not going to that fucking bomb site!" and with that, much like Deidara usually did I slammed the phone on the hook.

Next week, next Thursday was September 11th.

Officially two years since my parents had died.

I went last year to that place, it was just depressing as they read the names of everyone lost, people were crying, and I was just quiet. I couldn't go back there.

Not again, I wouldn't depress myself like that. I mean my parents can understand, I visit their graves whenever I can, not the ones at the towers, but the graves in the graveyard near our home.

Of course, it's just a rock.

Their bodies were never found.

I got out of them room, only to see my therapist standing out there, Dr. Cinda. Man I hadn't seen her in a long time.

"Something wrong Sasori?" she asked, I shook my head.

"Nothing."

"I heard you were going to see your parents next week, listen I know it can be stressful and all but I'm here to help you through it."

"I'll make your job alot easier then, I'm not going." She looked startled.

"What! But Sasori you should at least go pay your respects!"

"I do that all the time, I don't need to go to that shitty place to do that."

"Sasori."

"Look I don't see you standing there while they read off all the names of people who died. I don't see you in pain over anything that happened that day. And you certainly can not understand what it feels like, being in that crowd, crying you heart out, wondering why the fuck some assholes had to take away the only two people that mattered to me in this fucking thing we call life!" I was breathing heavily now, and I realized she was staring at me. I'd screamed the last line pretty loudly, and she was looking at me, with almost pity in her face.

"Sasori, I didn't."

"No you didn't know, because nobody knows." At that I felt tears in the corner of my eyes. I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry. At that I ran off.

"Sasori!"

It was always like that, people apologizing saying they knew your pain.

Nobody knows what it's like.

Nobody knows how lonely it is unless they've suffered it themselves.

I don't know how long I was running, until I stopped, then sat on the floor, my head tucked into my knees and began crying.

Really crying, not that few tears that usually slipped from my eyes, not forced ones.

But the first true tears I'd really ever cried at Happy Leaf.

It actually felt pretty good to just cry, and let everything out, all the pain and sorrow.

I didn't want to go next week, because even though I wasn't a little kid, I still remember looking at the ruins, wondering why somebody couldn't have saved them, wondering why I couldn't have stopped it, why somebody else couldn't have died so I could have parents now. Selfish I know, but I couldn't go back there, I couldn't feel that pain again.

I remember walking forward on my own, and looking at the mess. I remember someone putting their hand on my shoulder and whispering that they were sorry.

It was the last time I'd cried.

And here I was, doing it I felt something weird, like someone was trying to pick me up. However I didn't want to look up, instead I stayed in my fetal position. I then felt a soft plop, and uncurled and looked up.

"Hey Danna." said Deidara warmly, sitting next to me, the others were there too, and to my surprise Nagato.

"Nagato saw you crying." said Hidan. "He came to get us, what's up?"

"Memories." I said quietly, leaning into Deidara. They didn't ask questions, only crowded around me and offered words of comfort.

I have to admit it, these were the best damn friends I'd ever had.