Alrighty, so this chapter is a big turning point in this story, so I won't keep it from you.

Disclaimer: If I owned Hetalia it would not be nearly as Awesome so be glad I do not. I would not do the series any form of the justice it deserves.

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'It's okay Nadja' I tell myself. 'Just take a deep calming breath and try and breathe. It's not really that bad. You have totally got this. Just remember what they said, just keep thinking positive things. Everything will be alright. The World is not going to end. It is going to be just fine.'

But I can't fight the other thoughts that invade my brain of distress and disaster. The thoughts that always win out in the end.

I mean who am I kidding, this is horrible! Why did Dad have to ask a question I have no idea how to answer?!

"Um… Well uh… You see the thing is…" I say while still trying to form some form of coherent or believable lie. I mean I am not even really awake yet! Just about everything I have done thus far, I have done on autopilot basically. It is far too early to use any of my higher brain functions!

My eyes keep darting around the room trying to avoid eye contact but I know that trying to not meet Dad's eyes is impossible. But I still try regardless, looking instead at my lap, the stove that is partially hidden behind Mom, and other various things scattered throughout the hotel room. Anything it takes really to not look at either of them.

And then it happens, just like I knew it would.

"Sparentano, look at me." Dad says in his most commanding tone, one that I have grown quite used to hearing over the years.

My eyes immediately leave the empty plate in front of me, to meet my Dads. It is a natural reaction now to look at his face when he asks me to in that tone of voice. Oh if I could only describe the look on his face. Let's just put it this way, it would make a mortal piss themselves. To me however it was merely a look of slight reprimanding.

"I uh... I m-mean tha-" I stammer out as my hands start to shake knowing what he will say next.

"This is enough foolishness." Dad interrupts while still staring me down. "I know you don't want to tell me, but I need you to tell me who your Mother is. Do you understand me?"

"Y-yes sir." I respond.

Oh shit on a shingle I am completely screwed. Remember how I said I can't lie to family members, like Dad or Mom or Uncle Romano and on occasion Uncle Gilbert? Part of the reason for this is because I love my family and I don't want to hurt them. The other part comes from Dad's training.

Now don't get me wrong, I am for the most part glad Dad trained me but one thing he said has never left me. He told me that lying to someone you care about is like betraying them, and that sometimes the trust you lose the moment you lie never comes back. The look on his face told me that he knew exactly what he was talking about. I don't want to lose my parents trust. I can't stand the thought of it actually.

And I really can't tell a lie while looking Dad straight in the eyes.

It is just not physically possible.

For a moment I just sit there and make no sound, just holding my Dad's gaze.

"Well are you going to tell me or not?" Dad asks.

And then I can practically hear the last thread of my sanity snap.

"What I say cannot leave this room. Anyone who you tell this to, you should want to give them up to white level clearance. If possible I would also like to request that Italy leaves the room before I tell you anything, however in the end it is your call." I say trying to keep my voice from shaking, my hands however are moving like leaves in the wind.

Dad has a look of shock on his face for a moment and I know why. It is because I talked about others having white level clearance, in other words access to his most hidden secrets. You know the files that in the movies that are covered in big red stamps that say 'top secret' and kept in hidden vaults. White level clearance is a code for this kind of information that to my knowledge only Dad's boss, Dad, Uncle Gilbert, Me and future Mom know about.

Dad quickly wipes the look of shock off of his face and takes a moment to respond. I have to assume that he was mulling something over.

"I accept the level of clearance that you have put on this information. I would however like for Italy to stay in the room when you tell me the truth." Dad replies, seemingly as calm as ever, at least on the outside. I know better though, and I can bet that inside he is a wreck.

"Oh…Okay then." I say my mouth suddenly dryer than the Sahara Dessert. My tongue feels like cotton in my mouth. It seems to me that as each second drags on without me saying something, the heavier the air becomes until it is pressing in on me at unbearable levels.

"Mom is… Mom's…Oh God."

I can practically feel the color draining from my face as my brain runs away with itself.

What if Mom and Dad hate the idea of them being together? I mean they are not even together yet, and here I am about to tell them that they have a child together. This is the kind of thing that sends people into catatonic shocks. What if I cause one of them to have some form of a breakdown? How could I live with myself knowing that I did that?

And it just gets worse as more thoughts invade my mind.

What if Mom hates me? I mean yeah he is acting nice to me and stuff but that is because I am his best friend's daughter. What if in the back of his mind he has been pointing out all my flaws to himself? Like the fact that I can get a nervous stutter? I mean I am not his daughter yet, so all the things Mom finds cute in the future he may just find annoying now.

And then the worst of it comes into play.

What if, in the end, they don't want to have me? What if I cause myself not to exist? What if my appearing here messes up how they were supposed to fall in love, and in the end they never do? What if I ruin my Mom and Dad's one true chance at happiness with each other?

I don't think I could handle that.

"Oh God, Germany look at her!" I hear Mom say but at this point I am not really paying attention to what he is doing. My eyes are glued to my hands in my lap, and I am too afraid to look anywhere else.

"Mein Gott, why is she so pale?!" I hear dad exclaim, and yet my eyes do not leave my hands.

I do not look up.

I avoid eye contact.

And I carry on talking.

Because I said I would, and if I don't I would be lying.

And I won't lie to them ever.

I owe them that much.

At least I think I do, as long as this does not ruin everything.

"Mom is here." I say still looking at my hands, not daring to look up at their faces. As the sentence leaves my mouth my feet start to move up and down on the metal bar of the stool causing my legs to begin to shake as well.

Then there is an all-encompassing silence from Mom and Dad. I can hear my heart beating like a thousand drums in my head and I am starting to truly feel faint. And I know that it is just my problems with anxiety acting up as they have been known to do but it feels so much worse now than anything I have ever experienced, probably because this is much more important than anything that I have ever freaked out about before.

It is a million times worse than asking Mom and Dad if I could attend High School and later college to be like other 'kids my age'. It is over a thousand times worse than the time that I confessed to Soma that I liked him.

This feeling is horrendous and I want it gone.

It just has to go away before I die from it.

"What do you mean that your mother is here?" Asks Mom. I mean it shouldn't surprise me that he is the one that gets his voice back first but hearing him speak still jars me. There is so much feeling packed into that one sentence that I don't even know where to begin. One thing sticks out though.

Need.

He needs to know the truth.

"Ja. Do you mean that your mother is here in this time? Or do you mean that she is here at the World Confrence?" Dad asks with the same need in his voice and I don't even need to look up to imagine what their faces must look like.

"Y-yes." I manage to get out.

It was only getting worse.

My vision was starting to blur.

"Mom was at the conference." I continue trying as hard as I can not to stutter and to speak clearly. They need to hear this.

I will not lie to them.

My heartbeat speeds up even more.

I didn't think that was possible.

I feel like my heart is about to burst out of my chest.

And my God my head.

My head just feels so heavy.

Why is it so heavy?

No time to worry now, I just need to get this out.

Then I need to run.

Run far away from all of this.

I need to leave.

"You talked to Mom, Dad." I say my voice starting to shake, finally showing how I was feeling inside.

My stomach starts to act up.

It is like it is trying to squeeze itself to death.

Mein Gott it hurts.

It has never been this bad before, this pain.

Normally it is only a small inconvenience for a country like me.

Is it because I am no longer a country?

Or have the attacks gotten worse?

"Sparentano?!" I make out someone say.

I can't pay attention to that now.

I need to say this.

I will not lie to them.

I will not.

"Mom is someone you care for very much already."

"Sparentano! Stop this is enough! Don't push yourself! We don't care anymore who your Mom is!"

The voice is familiar, but I ignore it.

I am too busy trying to remember what it is like to breathe normally.

It should not be this hard to breathe in and out.

My lungs are practically screaming at me.

But I can't stop.

I have to get this all out.

I will not lie to them.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before." I gasp out, desperately trying to force the words out of my body.

"Please! Stop this! It's not worth it!"

"This is enough! Stop speaking about it if it is causing you such pain!"

The shaking in my hands has stopped.

Wait, no it hasn't, I realize as I gain back a bit of my vision.

Someone is holding my hands still.

Why can't I feel them holding my hands?!

I need to leave!

This feeling needs to end!

I don't think I can take any more of this!

But I can't leave yet.

No, not yet.

I will not lie to them.

"Mom…" I say gently, my breathing to labored to do much more.

And then it feels like the room has been set ablaze.

Why is it so hot?

Am I entering hell?

That must be it!

Oh God I can't die yet!

I just need to tell them, and then run!

Run from the fires of hell that is trying to pull me in for denying my parents the truth for so long.

I will not lie to them.

"Mom…" I try again.

It is so hard to think.

Why is it so hard to just think?

Oh God I really must be dying!

"…is in the room." I finish as my chest erupts in pain.

Every inch of me is in agony.

I can't see anything.

I can't feel my hands.

My mouth is dry and my tongue and head are heavy.

My stomach and chest are in so much pain I can barely stay sitting upright.

It is getting harder to breathe.

But I need to finish.

I will not lie to them.

"Italy…" I choke out "…is my Mom."

And then I let go.

I did not lie to them.

I did not.

The world goes black.

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…

…

So….

I don't know what else to say about this chapter, other than this is only the beginning really.

Leave a review and tell me what you think of Sparentano's panic attack.