Hi everyone! I know that this fic has kind of turned into a major angst-fest but I can't help it. Angsty Dean is a passion of mine and I figured as he had to face all these things, less and less of his usual smart-assness (is that a word?) would be able to make it out. Just a warning, there will be very little humour in the remainder of the story so I apologize to any of you who were hoping for a big comic turn around. Anywho, thanks for taking the time to read this and thanks to all of you for the wonderful reviews, I am always totally stoked when I get a review alert! Thanks so much! Enjoy!

"Tsk, tsk... Dean, Dean... Dean. Just look at yourself. Look what you've become. It breaks my heart, that I wasted myself on something so unworthy of saving. On something so pathetic and useless."

"Don't say that to me! Not you..."

"Why not? Why can't you just accept what you own brain is telling you? This little trip you're on isn't because of some stupid witch. Sure, maybe she triggered it but all of this? It's all you Dean. This is how you see yourself so don't blame me. Blame yourself."

"No, this is..."

"I take it all back you know, every single word."

"Take what back?"

"Remember in the hospital, when I made that idiot deal to save you? I told you... I said I was proud of you. Huh, what a pisser. Nothing could have been further from the truth."

"You can't take that back! That... that was the only time you ever said that to me! You can't... you can't take it back!"

"I can and I just did. Poof, gone. You waited so long to hear those words and now you know, they were lies. Big, fat, juicy lies. I mean really, how could I possibly be proud of this? It fills me with shame to know that you are my son."

"No..."

"Dean, are you okay? What's happening? Talk to me man, please."

"You should see the look on your face. And are those tears? Can't deny it now, your weakness is out there, on full display for all to see. And I for one am enjoying every moment. You know what? Now that I think about it, I'm sorry you were ever born. Too bad it wasn't you who died in that fire."

"Sammy... please. I can't...help...it's...it's too much. God...please just make it stop."

"That's the real kicker Dean. Sam, maybe he could snap you out of it but we both know he doesn't want to. Not really. He hides it pretty good but inside I know that he is smiling. He wants to see you suffer for a change instead of him; wants to see you knocked down off that high horse of yours. He's been waiting for a long time to see you fall, and somehow I don't think he'll be around this time to pick up the pieces."

"Sam? You... not you... is it true?"

"Is what true Dean?"

"I thought you were strong; thought you were a leader, someone for Sam to look up to after I was gone. I couldn't have been more wrong. Just another sap taken in by you and your talent for the art of B.S. You even duped your own father into thinking you were more than just a sarcastic, hot headed oaf. I'm sorry you were ever born."

"SHUT UP YOU BASTARD!"

"Dean, you need to focus on me right now damn it! Stop looking at whatever it is you see and look over here. At me."

"Yeah, go on son, listen to Sam and take a look. Take a good, long look at your brother."

"That's it bro. Just calm down alright? I don't know what is going on but listen to me. I am right here beside you and I am not going anywhere okay? You need to take some deep breaths and calm the hell down because you are really starting to worry me. It is just twisting everything Dean. Fight it. You've gotta fight."

"Do you see it? The hurt? The pain? The shame and guilt and anguish written all over Sam's face? The way his body language tells you he is tense and stressed and ready to explode?"

"Yeah, I see it but I am on to you. You are not my father and you are NOT going to pull me in to this damn freakshow!"

"That's it bro, don't let it win. Remember, that thing isn't dad."

"Huh, talk about shows. I see yours is up and running at full power as usual. Always the professional at covering up those pesky emotions. It's okay, I know it's the only way you can cope with your piss ass existence."

"Just stop."

"I'm just getting started. Now listen up, cuz this part is pretty important."

"Great, just what I was hoping for, another damn lecture from some evil son of a bitch masquerading as my dead and gone dad. I think I've maxed out on the talking to the dead portion of the evening. What else could you possibly have left in your tickle trunk?"

"There's the boy I know. That's it Dean, mask all the pain and anger behind smart ass remarks and an ego the size of, I don't know, the friggin moon? Show is over Dean. Time to face the truth."

"You are not real and I don't have to face shit! I've already done my time. Been there, done that and walked away without even a damn t-shirt!"

"Calm down Dean, seriously dude. Just breathe."

"The only reason that Sam looks like that is because of you. He was so happy before you came and barged back into his life; dragged him kicking and screaming away from his rosy piece of Paradise, just to follow you right back into Hell. He still hates you for that Dean."

"Sam... Sammy? I'm so sorry... I didn't mean... I should have left you alone... I ruined your life!"

"Listen man. I'm glad you came back. Do you hear me? Things were never right after I left. There was always something missing. You. Nothing that happened was your fault. God Dean, you... you saved me! I'd be dead if it wasn't for you!"

"There he goes again Dean, telling you what you want to hear out of some kind of misguided devotion. You know he left because of you right? He ran as fast as he could; not away from me; not away from hunting. Away. From. You."

"That's a damn lie! You are the one who pushed him away you ass! He needed to get the hell away from you and... you drove him to it! I've always been there for him, always! More than you ever were!"

"Ding! We have a winner! Exactly Dean. You were always there; always in his face; breathing down his neck. You smothered him until he couldn't breathe. Every time he looked at you; every time he saw what he was threatened to become, he was driven closer and closer to the door. He knew he had to get out; away from your poison. Just because you turned out to be a loser didn't mean you had the right to latch on and pull him down to the bottom with you. He left so he wouldn't become the one thing he hates most. You."

"SHUT UP! SAM DOESN'T HATE ME! HE NEVER DID!"

"What the hell? Dean, calm the frick down! You're right, I don't hate you, how could I? That isn't true, you know that. Right?"

"I meant it Dean, every damn word; with every fibre of my being. Proud of you? What a joke, just like you. Now Sammy? Damn, I am so proud of him. Always have been. He was always my favourite. I should have known you weren't up to it. You are nothing more than a damn robot; not one thought of your own anywhere in that over inflated head of yours. At least Sam can think for himself!"

"Stop saying that. My dad would never say that to me. That is the damn yellow eyed piece of shit talking, not him!"

"God Dean, what? No, please dude, you can not go through that again. Keep on fighting man!"

"Huh, typical maneuver. Deflection. You are a master after all. But really, bringing up old yellow eyes? To me? This is the distraction you use to get away from your own issues? Not very smart Dean. You see, that's kind of a sore spot to your dear old dad. You do remember that he possessed me right? Don't you? Answer me damn it!"

"Yes... yes sir..."

"Dean, that is not dad."

"Ah, good ol' Sammy. He was so sweet and innocent once upon a time. He had the chance to put an end to all of it; he could have taken that bastard out, right then and there. He could have prevented every other god damn piece of crap thing from happening if he would have just taken that one shot. But oh no, you couldn't let that happen. You were so scared of going out into the world without your daddy to hold your hand that you sweet talked your little brother into making the biggest mistake of his life; into letting me live."

"I.. I couldn't let him kill you. He.. we just found you again!"

"I'm glad I didn't kill him Dean. I'm glad I listened to you. Do you hear me?"

"And just look at the mess you made because of that Dean. Because you were to weak to carry on; because you had no one and nothing in your life that meant anything. Because you knew that Sam would toss your sorry ass to the curb the second the demon was gone; the moment his revenge had been satisfied. And then there would be you, poor little Dean, left all alone. You are selfish Dean. All of this, its always been about you and what you wanted. So insecure, so terrified... so worthless."

"Couldn't... Sam would have never forgiven himself... family is the most important!"

"BULLSHIT! You ruined EVERYTHING you snot nosed little shit! If you would have let Sam shoot me he would have killed the demon."

"And you."

"Are you really that stupid Dean? Do I really have to stand here and spell it out for you?"

"Dean, I don't know what to do! Tell me what to do to help you! You're... please Dean!"

"The demon Dean! The demon would have been DEAD! It would have been over! I wouldn't of had to make that damn deal and Sammy sure the hell would never have DIED! Don't you get it? Your little trip down under? That lands squarely on you. The way I see it, you deserved your one way ticket!"

"I...I DIDN'T DESERVE IT YOU BASTARD! HOW? Dad.. how can you say that I deserved to go to Hell? That's... not... how...?"

"Dean? Shit... DEAN! Please man, you're losing it! Come back to me bro, please!"

TBC... I know, not a great place to end the chapter but I wanted to get it out as I may not be able to update for a few days. There will be more John in the next chapter and then... when he is all done torturing our Dean, the final verse will be revealed (insert ominous music here :) Thanks for stopping by and I hope to see you again next time! Take care! :)