Author's Note: It's been a few months since my last entry to this series but I assure you I do not intend to end it here. I have plans, many plans, complicated and ambitious plans, and I intend to complete at least half of them. That said, I never would have gotten even this far if it were not for the support of many people over on the Harry/Fleur Discord server, the link to which will be at the end along with a fanfic recommendation. Thanks to DaveAthenai, Charlennette, and x102reddragon in particular for inspiring me and encouraging me to write these stories. If you enjoy the story please leave a comment telling me what you think worked and what didn't, your feedback is crucial in helping me to get better as an author.
To Carry Our Memories:
Chapter One
"What was Hogwarts like?"
She fell, the panic and fear etched into her face mirroring Fleur's own as Fleur lunged to catch her, the tips of their fingers just brushing against each other as the section of moving staircase collapsed out from under Dora's feet, torn apart by a stray blasting curse deflected up from the battle below.
"How do you mean?" she asked, stalling for time to get her thoughts back in order, focusing on the sound of Teddy's voice, the feel of the stone railing beneath her hands, the cool afternoon breeze on her face, the scent of saltwater on the air.
Teddy shrugged, not looking at her. His thumb rubbed in circles around the address writ in green ink on the parchment envelope as he refused to meet her gaze. It was his Hogwarts letter, delivered only the day prior on the eleventh of January. He'd not let it out of his sight since.
"Harry went there, and so did Mum and Dad, but I've only ever heard yours and Gran's stories about it."
Fleur smiled softly, fighting to keep the tide of bloody memories at bay as she placed a hand on Teddy's arm and knelt to look him in the eye.
"Reality rarely matches the stories we hear," she said slowly, "but that does not mean it is bad. I spent only a single year at Hogwarts before the war, but even that little time was enough to see the wonder of that place."
He stared back at her, eyes swimming with doubt. "But what if it really is like the stories, the ones you don't want to tell me," he whispered.
She could barely stand, sick to her stomach as she stumbled through the doors of the great hall in a daze. She had to tell Remus, to tell him what had happened, that Dora… That his wife… She shook her head to clear it, now was not the time to break down. There would be time for that after it was all over. Or at least, she hoped there would. Then again, if she died it wouldn't matter anyway. She shook her head again, nimbly swerving around a sprinting Lavender Brown as she rushed past her into the Great Hall, the crushing weight of grief held back only by the very same veil of numbness that dulled her hearing and clouded her vision, making the seconds stretch out into days even as they flew by in an instant. She just had to find Remus, to find him and tell- She blinked, not sure how to process what she was seeing. She felt her lips crease into a frown of confusion as she tried to figure out what to do now. Her mind, slowed to a crawl by the weight of emotion and fatigue, finally came to an acceptable answer and she nodded silently to herself. Harry was Teddy's godfather, which meant he was the person she was supposed to tell. She turned around slowly and began shuffling off to find her fiancé, leaving Remus Lupin's still corpse behind her on the floor with all the others.
She fought to keep the gentle smile of reassurance from slipping off her face as she weathered the barrage of memory. Teddy needed her in the here and now, not eleven years in the past. "It is true that not all our stories are good ones," she said eventually, taking great care in how she chose her words knowing just how important the next few moments could be. "But, there are far more good stories than bad. It was there that your parents found their greatest happiness, that Harry found his first true home. And in any case, the people that made the bad things happen are long gone." She forced some brightness into her now static smile and added a calculated note of playful optimism to her voice, "We, your parents, Harry and I, made sure of it."
The next heartbeat stretched out into an aeon as she watched doubt and hope war in Teddy's eyes, desperately wishing for hope to win. If it didn't, if their children were still ruled by the spectre of fear even now so many years after it was over, then what had it all been for?
Hope won, or at least it seemed to. Teddy's shoulders relaxed, releasing a tension she hadn't even realised was building in him as he smiled weakly and nodded, darting forwards to wrap her in a brief but fierce hug that she recognised as belonging to his mother. Relief surged through her as she hugged him back, more gentle but no less strong for it, and her smile was genuine as she released him and stood.
"Now, how about you go find Harry and see if you can convince him to open another jar of his hot chocolate mix?" Teddy's eyes widened at the prospect and, in the way of the innocent, he darted off with a smile on his lips and all memory of darkness forgotten. Her smile turned bittersweet as she followed more slowly, wishing for all the world that she could be as he was, untainted, yet knowing that if given the choice to do it all again she wouldn't bring herself to change a thing. Not if it meant he would have to live with the darkness they had fought so hard to free him from.
~0~
"Aspen wood," said Ollivander, holding up the thirteenth wand of the day for Teddy to see. "Twelve and three sixteenth inches, and with a hair plucked from the mane of a particularly exuberant young Tarasque at its core. Springy, resilient, and well suited for charmwork."
Teddy looked at the wand with some apprehension, the first few had not resulted in anything at all but the last one had cracked the shelf behind the counter sending hundreds of wands cascading to the floor when he had, 'given it a wave,' as Ollivander instructed. Fleur watched him reach out hesitantly to take the wand from the old craftsman, and she glanced up at Ollivander's face to see what he thought about the pairing. He noticed her gaze and gave her a quick wink, allaying her concerns for the moment as Teddy took the wand.
The moment his skin touched the amber-varnished wood she saw his eyes grow wide and a broad smile soon covered his face as he held the wand aloft, staring at it in wonder as his hair shifted through a dizzying rainbow of colour before settling on a bright, happy yellow. He swished the wand down and a thin trail of gold and silver sparks erupted from its tip.
Fleur felt Harry shift beside her and she turned to look at him, catching the bittersweet bent of the smile on his lips even as he looked at Teddy with unmistakable pride. The look brought back her own feeling of loss, and she was struck by the wish that Dora and Remus could have been there. Andromeda's joy was similarly mixed, Fleur saw her sniff and dab at the corners of her eyes as she crossed the short gap to the counter and began pulling out coins. Harry and Fleur had offered to buy Teddy's school things but Andromeda had insisted on paying for them herself and they had quickly relented.
"Come now, Teddy," Andromeda said brusquely. Teddy snapped out of his reverie to look at her as she strode up to his side, "Flourish and Blott's next and then we're done for today. It's still another eight months until September first so there's no point getting your potions ingredients or Hogwarts robes now, but the rest of your school supplies will keep just fine."
Andromeda bustled out the door into the frosted mist with her head held high, Harry close behind and habitually scanning the largely empty street as Teddy followed and Fleur brought up the rear. Consequently, neither Andromeda nor Harry saw the way Teddy's smile dimmed at Andromeda's words, and Fleur frowned in silent confusion as the boy who was her son in all but name followed them along towards the book shop. Her memory reached back a week to the day after his birthday and the conversation she had had with him on the terrace. She'd thought his doubts about Hogwarts had been resolved then, but it was clearly still bothering him.
In Flourish and Blott's, as Andromeda drew Teddy along into the rows and shelves and began picking out a mixture of required textbooks and the occasional book of Teddy's choosing, she placed a hand on Harry's arm and indicated to draw him to the side and away from Teddy and Andromeda. He quirked an eyebrow at her, but she said nothing until she had drawn him into a quiet corner.
"What's wrong?" asked Harry.
She bit her lip lightly, gaze unfocused but still following Teddy as he wandered through the shelves, passively noting the way his shoulders seemed to sag ever so slightly more with each new textbook added to his growing collection, as well as the way that he seemed to perk up every time he added a book unrelated to the Hogwarts list clutched in Andromeda's right hand.
"Fleur?"
She snapped back to reality, focusing on Harry and seeing slowly growing concern reflected in his eyes.
"It is not me," she assured him quietly, "it is just…" she trailed off, her eyes wandering back over to Teddy and wondering how best to phrase her question. Harry was a supremely understanding man, one of the few good consequences of the eternal struggle for self-worth the Dursleys had instilled in him, and he had a nearly self-destructive tendency to put others' feelings above his own that ensured he would give her the benefit of the doubt. But even so, Hogwarts was a sensitive subject.
"Have you noticed that Teddy seems… less than excited to go to school?"
His eyes narrowed, and she could see a flicker of the calculating intensity that he had worn while leading the Order of the Phoenix flash across his features as he turned and studied his godson. She watched his eyes, following his gaze and seeing where it landed, watching as he saw the same things she had seen, putting together the same pieces she had, and coming to similar conclusions. His eyes widened and he turned to face her in astonishment, mouth open slightly and words dying on his lips. She nodded her understanding and he frowned, brow furrowed as his eyes flicked back and forth behind his glasses.
"Do you think," he said slowly, "that he is afraid of being in the place where they died?"
She shrugged helplessly. They had done their best to separate the concept of Hogwarts the school from Hogwarts the battleground in the minds of their children, not wanting them to close off a path in life before its time due to fear of a past far behind them.
"He came to me a week ago and asked me what Hogwarts was like."
"What did you tell him?"
"What I could," she said with a sigh. "That the good outweighed the bad, that it was where you found a home, that his parents had been happy there, but…"
"You couldn't separate it from itself in your own mind."
Her mouth twisted into a bitter mockery of a smile which she knew Harry would in no way blame her for wearing, not when he had so often worn it too.
"How can we expect them to do something even we cannot do?"
Harry put an arm around her shoulder and she allowed herself to be pulled into his side, letting her head fall to rest on his shoulder as they turned to follow Teddy and Andromeda again with their gaze. She was making a final check of the list, confirming that they had located all the requisite items before heading over to the counter to pay. As she did so she glanced down at Teddy who flashed her a momentarily brilliant smile before settling once more into the vague frown that marred his young features.
"I don't know, Fleur. I don't know."
~~~O~~~
He rolled the wand slowly between his fingers, studying every line, every whorl, every subtle bend and imperfection in the pale wood, each one marking the touch of a master craftsman's hand. It was nearly flawless, nearly, but not quite perfect. He wasn't sure why, but he found that reassuring. The thin coat of vaguely multi-coloured amber varnish along the outside formed a sealing layer that was slightly see-through, it caught the sunlight streaming in from the high window and lit the wand up with a halo of bright, warm light. Like fire.
Teddy sighed, flopping back onto his bed with a muffled 'wumph.' The sound brought half a grin to his lips and he stretched out, immensely satisfied at the proof of how he had grown. A few years ago the bed would have taken even a direct jump on the mattress without a sound of protest, something that both he and Gran knew from the many times she had caught him doing just that. The ghost of a grin faded and the corners of his lips drew into a frown at that thought, and he could feel the colour of his hair fading away from the autumn chocolate to his default warm black. He was suddenly aware of gravity's pull on his head and neck and he let it take him, letting his head roll sideways to stare at the trunk leaning propped up against the wall by the door. His frown deepened.
"Fleur, what was Hogwarts like?"
She shifted in place, an eyebrow arching curiously as she studied his face. It always felt like she was looking through him more than at him, but it never bothered him. It made it so much easier to talk to her when he didn't need to use words.
"How do you mean?"
He shrugged uncomfortably, looking down and away from her face, suddenly feeling uncertain. His eyes fell onto the now-open Hogwarts letter still clutched in his hand and the feeling grew.
"Harry went there, and so did Mum and Dad," he began, forcing himself to get the words out, knowing that she would know better what to do with them than he did while they were still stuck inside his head, "but I've only ever heard yours and Gran's stories about it."
Getting the words out was more beneficial than he'd thought. It wasn't everything, but it was a start, and he found that once he'd started it didn't feel nearly as daunting to continue. He heard cloth shifting and turned towards her, seeing Fleur kneeling down until their eyes were level with each other. Her face was serious but not unkind. He'd only just asked about the stories he'd been told, but she somehow already knew that this was about so much more than that despite how little he'd said. If he hadn't been so worried he'd have smiled, this was why he always went to her first.
"Reality rarely matches the stories we hear," she began slowly, the words conjuring all the images that had filled his mind as far back as he could remember. Of his mother, wild and free, her face and form as fluid and ever-changing as his own as she shifted like water to meet every challenge that was sent against her. Of his father, constant and strong, resolute in the face of never-ending hardship but never too proud to accept help when it was offered, finding as much strength in his friends as he did in his own Gryffindor courage.
"But, that does not mean it is bad," she finished. "I spent only a single year at Hogwarts before The War, but even that little time was enough to see the wonder of that place."
The mention of The War, the only war they ever talked about, the war that haunted every adult he knew, the war that drove Gran to her silence and Fleur to her over-preparations and Harry to his sadness and his determination to help others, it brought new images to his mind, new doubts. New fears that he hadn't even thought to be afraid of before now, and his worry only grew.
His mouth opened of its own accord and, his mind swimming with images of his parents being tossed back and forth by flashes of light as bruises formed on heads and faces barely hidden by silver curtains and black tangles, gave whispered voice to his new and suddenly far more pressing fears.
"But… what if it really is like the stories? The ones you don't want to tell me."
Her eyes grew distant and her smile became fixed, the expression of warm compassion suddenly seeming off, somehow wrong, like the face of the plastic doll he'd seen in a muggle shop in London the day when he and Gran had gone shopping for a new pair of trainers. It lasted for only an instant, but it was more than enough to remind him that for her, they weren't just stories. They never had been.
"It is true that not all our stories are good ones. But, there are far more good stories than bad," her smile widened slightly and her eyes returned to themselves, returned to life. "It was there that your parents found their greatest happiness, that Harry found his first true home. And in any case, the people who made the bad things happen are long gone." her face lifted, visibly brightening, and he was comforted by the sheer confidence in her voice when she next spoke. "We, your parents, Harry and I, made sure of it."
Teddy's shoulders sagged and he let out a sigh of relief he hadn't realised he'd been holding in. He felt terribly foolish then, and selfish too. She was right of course, she always was. There was no point being afraid, and even less for making her relive all the bad times she'd tried so hard to forget. He tried to smile for her and he nodded, hoping that it would show that he had understood. He hugged her too, squeezing as tightly as he could and burying his face in her shoulder, willing the embrace to tell her all the things that his lips were too clumsy to say. That he loved her, that he appreciated her, that she didn't need to be strong for him anymore, that he could be strong for her now.
He felt a soft rumble in her chest, a bit like resting his hand on the surface of a burbling stream, and he let go of her as she stood. "Now," she said, eyes lighting up with mischief, "how about you go find Harry and see if you can convince him to open another jar of his hot chocolate mix?" His eyes widened and, seizing upon the idea, he darted off to find Harry, certain that the chocolate would help drive off the gloom he'd brought her better than his hugs ever could.
After all, everyone knew that chocolate could drive away dark times.
His head rolled back the other way, away from the trunk half full of school supplies and onto the other side of the room. His left arm rose, holding his wand aloft between his eyes and the distant ceiling, and then he let the hand drop back onto the covers in front of his face, the wand once more in his gaze. Aspen wood, he remembered, and a Tarrasque hair core. He didn't know much about trees, and especially not about American ones, but he'd heard that Aspens could stretch out their roots under the dirt and poke up again in new places to grow whole other trees, all without ever dropping a seed. The core was more interesting, not that he knew much about Tarrasques either. He knew that they were something like dragons, though not at all related to them, that they had six legs and a turtle shell, and the face of a lion. He'd also heard that they could fly, but he was pretty sure that they didn't have wings so he couldn't take everything he knew at face value. What he was certain of, however, was that it was a French creature.
His frown deepened, and he swivelled his neck once again to look over at the trunk emblazoned with a small Hogwarts crest on the front and in the centre of the lid. Why did his wand's core have to be French, he thought bitterly. Why couldn't it be British or Scottish, or Irish or Welsh? He'd have taken anything, really, it could be Norwegian or even American for all he cared, but why French? Why couldn't anything be simple anymore? He sighed, closed his eyes, and rocked forward, pulling himself up into a sitting position with his wand clutched in his lap, looking down.
Ever since his eleventh birthday two months ago the world had seemed to change. Everything was suddenly so complicated. He knew Fleur had noticed, what with how she could always see straight through him she might have even known before he did, and Harry had seen it too. Gran hadn't noticed yet and that was fine by him. Teddy had put enough strain on her heart to last a lifetime, any little bit he could keep back off of her shoulders and onto his, he would gladly take. He just wished it didn't have to be so hard.
His nose felt stuffy, like it was full of cotton clogging his sinuses, and he sniffed loudly to try and clear it. For all his life he'd been looking forward to learning magic. He didn't take it for granted, not like he knew so many other kids his age did, his parents had taught him to both value and respect the gifts he possessed. He'd always known that he would love learning magic, that he would throw himself into his studies and that he'd never get bored, that he'd never complain about his essays, even the really hard ones that would take whole hours to prepare for and write! He'd always known it, but what he hadn't known, not until the letter was in his hand and he was staring down at his name writ in green ink, was that when he thought of the place he'd spend the next seven years learning magic at it wasn't Hogwarts he pictured.
"Fleur," Teddy asked hesitantly, struggling to keep the eagerness out of his voice as he put down his pencils and the colouring book full of Kelpies, Selkies, and Unicorns. "What was Beauxbatons like?"
She looked up at him from the parchment she was working on at the kitchen table, the sheets covered in so many tiny numbers and symbols that they made his head spin.
"Hmm? Oh," she said, needing a second for her mind to catch up to her ears, and then a wide smile spread across her face as her eyes went momentarily distant before refocusing on the seven-year-old boy sitting across from her. The words alone did nothing to capture the feeling she put into them but, as she said them, her smile could have outshone the sun.
"It was beautiful."
AN: Thank you for reading. If you liked the story then please leave a comment telling me what you think worked and what didn't, your feedback is crucial to helping me improve as an author and is always appreciated.
The link to the Harry/Fleur discord server can be found in my bio.
Fanfic Recommendation: Today's recommendation comes with a question. The recommendation is A Cadmean Victory Remastered by DarknessEnthroned, aka MJ Bradley. If you're reading this fic then chances are you already know about ACVR, but that's not the important part here. I know MJ and, to commemorate the completion of the remaster, I wrote a deep-dive literary analysis of his story totaling 36k words in length. My question for you all is, would you be interested in seeing that review? I have a total of six such reviews, most of them much shorter than 36k, all written for authors I have personally interacted with, and critically analysing their stories. Would you want me to post them to my profiles so you can read them? There is some fascinating content in each, and some of the stories reviewed even go into some pretty interesting and complex topics that I think you might like to read about. Leave a comment letting me know what you want or send me a PM regarding whether or not you're interested in seeing the reviews posted onto my profile. You could even join the discord server to chat with me in person, I'm always up for good discussion. Until then, farewell.