Tap, tap, tap. Ahsoka fingers drummed a nervous rhythm on the kitchen counter. Abruptly, her fingers lifted and she walked to the other side of the room again. She stared hard at the wall as though daring it, and then sat down on her cot.
Ahsoka supposed she could deny her nervousness, deny the fact that she even eavesdropped - which she wished she could, after all she might be avoiding punishment - but she needed to talk to Padme. Ahsoka pressed the left side her head to the wall and listened. Her hearing was by far better than any human, and so she could hear Anakin bidding a farewell.
She edged to the door, but her venture was stopped short when Anakin's head appeared six inches in front of her. Ahsoka let out a yelp and leaped backwards. Breathing hard, she glared at her master angrily, evidently irritated. He gave her a thin smile in return, "Manners, Ahsoka."
"Manners?" The teen questioned, confused. Her blue eyes scrunched as she looked up. Like she needed manners anyway...
Anakin crossed his arms and leaned on the door frame, "Yes, manners." He replied with emphasis. One eyebrow cocked upwards, "As in, no eavesdropping. It's considered rude."
Flustered, Ahsoka squirmed, "But I wasn't!" She lied quickly, and before Anakin could counter that reply, she changed the subject, "Can I stay for a few minutes? I'll meet you later somewhere...can I talk to you?" Ahsoka wasn't sure where the 'we need to talk' came from, but an icy feeling in the pit of her stomach made her uneasy, as though it was the last time they might ever talk.
Don't be ridicules. Ahsoka scolded herself. She shifted positions, wishing that her own command could soothe her nerves. Anakin's eyes traveled down her thin body as though he was trying to detect the center of her unease - she was failing at hiding it - and he answered, "Sure. Just meet me at the Temple." His face was almost downcast, and Ahsoka caught a small undercurrent of something in him...as if she felt like she could no longer talk to her him.
"Thanks. Why don't we go to Dex's? Skyguy." Ahsoka replied, a teasing smile on her lips. Loosen up, Anakin. It's okay.
Anakin rolled his eyes at her, and returned, "Sure. Snips." He paused before he left, then asked softly, "You okay?"
It was Ahsoka's turn to roll her eyes, "Master, didn't you hear me? I told you the visions were done. Over. Gone." She crossed her arms and gave Anakin the most defiant stare she could muster.
Anakin nodded, like 'alright, bye.', but he stopped, "That's not what I meant." Before Ahoska could ask, he left. Her blue lips held words, confessions that she wanted to blurt out to him. She wasn't sure she was able to, though. She watched his back, and felt a stab of pain. For in her mind, she was watching a black figure, a machine, move away.
"Ahsoka." The voice was welcoming, and Ahsoka turned and beamed up at Padme, as if she were thanking her. The woman returned the smile gently and took Ahsoka to the balcony. The Togruta tilted her face to the sun and squinted as the light hurt her eyes.
"You know what?" Ahsoka asked suddenly, not even looking at Padme or waiting for an answer, "I miss trees. I miss everywhere Master Skywalker and I go. Here is good. Here is my home, but..."
Padme's look was understanding, "You miss the habitat you were born in. I miss Naboo." Padme's look was faraway as she gazed out at the passing speeders, such contrast to the lush, green scenery , "I miss the lake and my family."
Ahsoka's breath caught in her throat as she thought about Naboo. It was a wonderful place, with rolling hills and large trees and cool lakes to swim in, beaches to run on. All so very relaxing...it was only fitting that Padme have that place her own home.
It was quite a contrast to Shilli. Rather than a royal leader, the tribes must fend for themselves and they did not live in comfort as the citizens of Naboo. Food was meat, and the occasional fruit, though Togruta tended to be carnivorous. "I don't know if I miss Shilli." Ahsoka finally answered, "the way you do Naboo. I guess I don't really think of it a lot."
Padme gave her a funny look, "You remember it?"
Ahsoka shrugged, "Sure. But I stayed there only until I was about two and a half. I guess the Force won't let me forget." Ahsoka gave her a lopsided grin, even if it was fake. "I remember people. The hot red and white grasses. But I can't say I miss that."
Padme gave her yet another odd look, but she didn't question. An uncomfortable silence hovered in the air, and Ahsoka gazed down to the Lower Level of Coruscant, thinking of Jenx. "So, um." Ahsoka wasn't sure how to address this. Her lekku became slightly more vividly striped as she wondered how she was going to say this. Certainly not, "I heard you and Skyguy talking, so I eavesdropped..." Ahsoka paused, then blurted out, "When will the war end?"
Padme's cream colored face melted into surprise, and she asked, "Ahsoka, what do you mean? According to your Master, and to the Chancellor, it's when General Grievous is killed."
"Well, when will Chancellor Palpatine be re-elected?" Ahsoka pressed, "I mean, when will the Republic be like it was before?"
Padme's gaze was piercing; she knew what Ahsoka had done. Ahsoka bowed her head as if in shame, but her mind was too full to actually process shame. Ahsoka placed her elbows on the edge of the balcony, "I'm sorry, Padme. I eavesdropped. But I need to know! Are we on the wrong sides?"
Padme's face was still stiff with shock, and the look she gave Ahsoka begged her not to run and tattle to Anakin. He was being pushed over the edge as it was, and he didn't need another one to question his work.
Neither do I, Ahsoka mused quietly. To think, all the battles and deaths she had been forced to witness, and to have it been avoidable. Ahsoka could remember friends falling at the merciless droid's blasters, and her fists clenched.
Padme took in a slow breath, held it for a moment, then expelled, "Don't repeat this, Ahsoka, but the Republic is crumbling. There's too much power on the Chancellor, and everyone is falling apart. If there is no peace, how can we reach out to other planets."
"Why doesn't my Master see this?" Ahsoka asked, fully knowing the answer. He trusts Palpatine too much. He depended on Palpatine, clinging to what that man had taught him, even corrupted him with. A foul, bitter feeling rushed through Ahsoka's chest as she thought of that man calling her a child as though she were weak.
Padme didn't answer for another moment. Her soft brown eyes were saddened, and her face was downcast. She missed the Anakin from before this mess of Politics and war started to tear him away from her. Ahsoka heard herself whisper, "It's okay, Padme. I know." Ahsoka missed him, too.
Padme hugged her, and said, "It's okay. Everything will be fine. He'll come back." Ahsoka heard the unspoken, the I hope so in Padme's voice. She hoped, too. Hope, she thought, was all they could do. Hope and try to talk some sense into him.
"I have to go. I promised to meet him at the Temple, and were going to Dex's Diner for awhile. To talk."
Padme's brown eyes twinkled as she said, "Remember," And she drew her fingers across her lips as though she was zipping something, as Younglings sometimes did. Ahsoka found herself giggling, because it didn't seem a very Padme-like thing to do. Padme joined in, and neither wanted to stop. It felt so good to let go, to laugh.
Between giggles, Ahsoka choked out, "Farwell...Milady."
Fake and somber, Padme replied in a most formal tone, "And I should hope to see you again soon, Master Jedi."
Ahsoka gave her a look, but it didn't last. She laughed again, and said, "Bye, Padme. I'll see you soon." She waved as she exited the room and walked down the hallways of the grand senate building. Beings moved about her, and a Togruta woman shuffled by, but none stopped to talk.
When Ahsoka met Anakin, he was fiddling with his new starfighter in the hangar, cursing, "Stang. Stupid, kriffing machine." Ahsoka leaned on it and rose a white eye-marking.
"It's not broken." She said, and Anakin jumped in surprise. His eyes met hers and he let out a nervous breath. Ahsoka couldn't believe he hadn't sensed her presence. After all, she had found him because of his presence. "You were supposed to wait for me."
Anakin, still annoyed because of the fighter, or rather, with it, was barely paying attention, "You never said where, so I met you where I thought would be a good place. And you found me." Anakin pointed out, his voice muffled because he was underneath the speeder. "We're just going for dinner, right? Because I need to meet the Chancellor afterward."
It was a good thing Anakin was underneath the brightly colored starfighter, otherwise he would have seen Ahsoka rolling her eyes at just the mention of the Chancellor. As it was, Ahsoka could barely contain her aggravation.
Anakin still was distracted, because when he stood up and wiped the grease on his tunic, he didn't notice Ahsoka's pinched expression. Besides, it was better that way then explaining, Ahsoka decided. Her master trusted the Chancellor with his life. Desperately, Ahsoka wished something could change his mind - after all, she had an inkling of suspicion that the man hardly had any respect for Padme, and she never even saw him.
Anakin dropped some tools into his belt, and shoved the rest under the starfighter's seat as he gave it one last glare. Ahsoka grinned mildly, resisting the urge to remind him it wasn't broken, and trotted off to a speeder. She began to climb into the front seat, but with one look at Anakin, she retreated.
They were quiet on the way to Dex's, and for that, Ahsoka was thankful. How could she ever tell Anakin anything that she had seen, or even confide into him? Things had changed, and Ahsoka didn't like it. She desperately wished they could all get away - Obi-Wan, Padme, herself, and Anakin - from this war and politics, and the dark thoughts that had made Anakin sullen and silent.
When he asked Ahsoka if she was okay, the little Togruta probably had more right to question him. Sometimes, just a standard month ago, she could. But something was tearing him up, and she didn't want to tear them apart. She was his Padawan, his sister, his daughter, much as she disliked his over protected feelings.
They pulled into Dex's, and Anakin turned the speeder towards the back, "Dex allows it for Obi-Wan and I, mainly to avoid trouble." Anakin said to answer Ahsoka's look, "Have you ever been here?"
Ahsoka hesitated, thinking back. She had been to several diners, all at many different places, but when she looked at the old rusty diner with the dim neon sign, she knew she had only heard of it, "Nope."
Anakin got up, waiting for her, and Ahsoka stepped out. As she looked around, she felt more subdued than she had. It was evident that some rather shady characters hung out here, same as the bar she had met Jenx in. Yet Jenx had cast about a calming feeling to the whole place, something that Anakin couldn't do.
Ahsoka swung ahead of Anakin, and went in, only to be nearly knocked over by a waitress droid. The droid looked at her with it's emotionless eyes, "Watch were you're going."
"You should, too." Ahsoka retorted, thinking that she should have been able to walk into a restaurant without getting killed by a waitress droid who chose to stand in front of the door. Or pass right in front of it.
Anakin grabbed Ahsoka's arm and yanked her to a table, "Snips, you have to be careful. Remember what I said about manners earlier?" His eyes went back to the waitress droid and he groaned. For once he was melting back into the Anakin Ahsoka knew. Delighted, she flashed a smile at him.
He gave her an odd look, "You like to be reprimanded now?"
Ahsoka shook her head, "No. Who does? I guess I'm just happy to...well, I mean, relax. We haven't gotten to talk much lately with my visions, and something's wrong." When Anakin's loose expression tightened, Ahsoka quickly said, "With you."
Anakin's face only tightened more, till his jaw was taut and his eyes hard, "You've had enough to deal with during the past few days. I can live with it alone." He insisted, more to the table than to her.
A voice, distorted with anger - at least for a waitress droid - asked them both, "What would ya like?" Oh, the droid Ahsoka had run into. It was looking at her with distaste, even though it had surely seen worse in this diner.
Ahsoka bit her tongue not to reply with something rotten, maybe to prove to her master she had those oh-so-important manners. Ahsoka could think of a lot of things that were more important then manners at this moment. Like their fates. "Nerf steak and Jawa juice. Please."
The droid scribbled onto a pad of flimsi before glancing at Anakin, "Just some Caf." Ahsoka scrutinized him, taking in his tired look. The skin beneath his eyes were bruised with exhaustion, and he had also lost weight.
When the droid left, Ahsoka pounced, "What's wrong? You're not eating."
Anakin didn't seem ruffled. He merely shrugged, "I ate before we left."
Ahsoka leaned back, grimacing at the discomfort of the seats, and crossed her arms, "Right. I see. You knew we were coming to a diner for dinner, and you chose to eat before we left. What happened to manners?"
His head snapped up and he shot Ahsoka warning glance. He didn't reply, and Ahsoka slouched, her lower lip stuck out as she thought. They weren't breaking any ice, just thickening it. And Ahsoka was here to escape, not bury herself deeper into this mess. Then she heard something - a soft chuckle. Anakin grinned, "Like I had any."
Ahsoka felt the corners of her mouth turn up, "True." She agreed, feeling the tension dissipate. Anakin's glare was humorous and nasty all at the same time, and Ahsoka smirked up at him. "Order something else."
Anakin glanced at the beings next to them, and wrinkled his nose. He leaned over as though whispering a secret, "Have you even looked at the food here?" Ahsoka had, and without disgust. She merely crossed her arms and glared at him. "Enough, Ahsoka." He warned.
With a quick shrug, Ahsoka let it drop, but she wished she had been paying more attention. She had been so caught up in the Sith in their tricks that she hadn't noticed how distressed Anakin obviously was. She knew enough not to press him, but she couldn't help looking into his hard eyes, trying to see what he saw. Her senses stretched, though his guard was up.
Nothing. She knew that. Then, she caught something, and she noticed Anakin grinning. He was playing with her, sending out things she knew. But still, Ahsoka was startled when she saw the younger version of herself on Christophis. She found herself grinning as she remembered calling Anakin 'Skyguy' for the first time. Force, he had hated her...
"I did not." Ahsoka's head snapped up when Anakin spoke. There was a smirk playing on his lips for a moment, most likely for seeing what she was thinking.
Ahsoka, a bit irritated for letting him see that, countered his remark, but without much evidence, "Of course you did!" Arms crossed, blue eyes narrowed, Ahsoka hoped she looked at least convincing. But when the waitress droid placed a rather limp nerf steak in front of her, she slouched. Ahsoka tentatively poked it, and her nose wrinkled at the smell.
Anakin was leaning back, with grim satisfaction. At least the Jawa juice looked okay. Ahsoka held the liquid to her lips and sipped slowly. When she finished, she placed the glass down, pursed her lips. It had tasted at alright. Bravely, she tasted a corner of the nerf steak. Not all that bad, either...
"You did so." Ahsoka mumbled around bites.
Anakin sipped a bit of his caf slowly. The vapor rising off of it swirled into the air, giving Anakin's face a smoky look. "Right..." He answered sarcastically, "I let you become my Padawan because I hated you. That makes sense."
Ahsoka grinned, "Fine, then. You hated me when I called you Skyguy in front of Rex. Or perhaps it was your dislike of younglings...?" Ahsoka trailed off slowly, as if hinting she was right.
Anakin didn't answer, and Ahsoka didn't provoke him. Why argue over this anyway? They different then when they had began this war, changed of the hardships. Jokes were sparse, bu all that was ever found was the reality. How could someone joke when so many comrades had died? Ahsoka had found ways to bring cheer, but after every battle it was harder.
Maybe it was time to tell Anakin what she had always felt of being his apprentice. Maybe not, but it seemed like she would never have another chance again. It was difficult, after so many days together, and so many times he failed to realize. But when she had began so long ago, she had been proud to be his apprentice. And now? Was she?
Yes. Though they had times were Ahsoka would rush off in a rage, or sneak into the Citadel with him, and she hated him for being so over protective, she couldn't help it. Some of the pride diminished over the three years as he trained her, and she found he was just as human (or humanoid) as anyone else.
With a final sip of Jawa juice, still deep in thought, Ahsoka hadn't realized that Anakin was looking at her, "What?"
"I was proud to be your apprentice. And thanks - for staying with me and being on my side." Would he still be on her side with his own children? Ahsoka pushed the thought away - they had come her to let go.
"Was?" Anakin cocked an eyebrow. He was going back to that inner emotional battle slowly, but he paused when he listened to Ahsoka. Like maybe he had a fleeting chance...
"I am. Still." But for how much longer?
"I'm proud of you, Snips. You've come a long way since we became my Padawan. And you are some things that I could only hope to be." There was guilt, and Ahsoka didn't pursue. She was quiet, and Anakin continued, "Yoda was right...you taught me some things. Thank you." A gentle smile, so like the one he had accepted Ahsoka with on Christophis, curved onto his lips. Hope blossomed in Ahsoka's chest.
I will live. She promised herself. We'll be alright.
Ready to go, Anakin gave the waitress droid some credits and they walked out and they got into the speeder. The ride to the Senate building was quiet, comfortably so, and Ahsoka relaxed.
But when she was watching Anakin head into the building, an odd nagging feeling tugged at Ahsoka. Like something big was going to happen, and her Master would be further away then ever. Her feet moved on their own accord, and she followed him.
Sorry I updated late. I'll try to put another chapter out sooner than I did this one :)