Chapter Five | The Tangled Webs We Weave

'The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.' - Ambrose Bierce

Jake barely got any sleep that night. The lie was getting more contorted and twisted by the day. He couldn't shake the feeling that they were going to be found out. That thought was on Jake's mind ninety percent of the time, and the only time it wasn't was when they were distracted by ways that would reveal the truth, for example the crafty stunt with the arrow. Thankfully, only Dieln had witnessed that, as far as they could tell. But he was the last person they wanted to have as a witness.

As Jake came down the stairs early that morning, Dieln was already awake. Jake didn't notice him, focusing on the stairs until a cheery, "Good morning, Jake," pierced his ears. Jake hoped Dieln didn't notice his grimace, but luckily, Dieln showed no signs of picking it up.

"Oh. Morning," Jake said to Dieln, turning to look at him with a smile; Dieln returned the smile, so Jake's heart rate slowed. He hasn't figured it out, Jake thought in relief. At least he considered that until Dieln said, "I wanted to talk to you about something." Oh, crap.

Jake turned and looked at the healer. "And what would that be?" He asked.

"I was just wondering," he began, "About how you and Neytiri realised she didn't have a strong uterine wall?"

Jake kept the smile on his face. There was nothing more deceptive than a smile, as many liars and frauds could tell you. "We visited a healer outside of the clan. Neytiri doesn't... exactly feel comfortable with her friend doing that sort of checking up," Jake replied. One lie on top of another, he thought anxiously.

Dieln nodded. "Right. Right." He paused for a moment, shook his head and then smiled at his superior. "I am sorry. I do not mean to question you."

Jake smiled. "No problem," he replied before trying to get the hell out of there before Dieln could ask any more questions. He found Neytiri with the herd of Pa'li near the river, and he grabbed her elbow, quietly commanding "You. Come.", as he dragged her towards the forest. Neytiri looked at Jake bewilderedly as he dragged her from the herd towards the forest. Once they were quite a bit away from Hometree, Jake turned around quickly and looked at his mate. "Hey, newsflash. Dieln is onto us."

Neytiri looked at Jake peculiarly. "Onto us...? What?" She asked. Sometimes Jake didn't make any sense to her.
Jake sighed and put it in easier terms for his mate. "Dieln is figuring this whole charade out." Neytiri's brow furrowed. "He's figuring out we're lying. He. Figure out. We. Are. Lying." Jake said slowly. Neytiri rolled her eyes.

"Why do you talk to me like I am some sort of skxawng?" Neytiri asked with a small laugh. "That is who you are." She said this and placed a finger to his chest, poking him to emphasize her point. "I can speak English fine."

Jake growled in his throat and pushed her finger off him. "I don't think you understand how serious this is."

Neytiri smiled. "Jake, you are panicking."

"Uh-huh. Join me, won't you?" Jake said in wide-eyed panic.

Neytiri chuckled and kissed him, trying to make his angered expression go away. It worked, to an extent. "We just need to come up with better lies, that is all."

"We have one lie on top of another, Ney Ney," Jake reminded her. Neytiri rolled her topaz eyes, her tail flicking in agitation. Since when was Jake a quitter? She had never seen such a negative side of him. "And we will keep going. We are not pulling out," she warned. "And also, 'Ney Ney'? You know I hate that." Neytiri didn't think it was necessary to shorten a perfectly good name.

Jake sighed and shook his head. "Fine, fine," he said. He wanted to make Neytiri happy, he really did. But why couldn't she be placated with a pet or something? That would have made this a whole lot easier.

· · ·

The next day, Neytiri headed over to the old RDA base with Norm to visit Max. When they got there, Max was sitting in the old cafeteria area, trying to use chopsticks to eat a cup of two minute ramen. Norm laughed at his pathetic attempts. "Use a fork," he advised his friend, "And why are you eating that anyway?"

"Waste not, want not," Max smiled. "We have like, so many cups of noodles it's not funny. And since we can't really recycle them, might as well eat them."
Neytiri eyed the fluoro-coloured packing with interest, as well as the interestingly shaped food that it contained. It smelled odd to her sensitive nose, and the instrument Max used to pick up the worm-like substance looked useless to her. Max looked at her eyeing the cup. "You want to try some?" He asked.

"Uh, Max, I don't know if that's a good idea – " Norm began, but Neytiri nodded with a, "Sure." Max disappeared behind the counter and started pouring the water into the cup, despite Norm's protests. He handed it to Neytiri with a fork instead of chopsticks. Neytiri looked at the steaming bowl of noodles and poked at it with the fork. Norm was about to say she didn't have to try it, but she did. A variety of expressions went over her face as she sampled the 'food'. "And?" Max asked.
"Oh Eywa..." Neytiri said.
"'Oh Eywa' good?" Max asked.
Neytiri grimaced. "Oh Eywa, I cannot believe you let me put this in my mouth!" Neytiri exclaimed before rushing out of the room. Jake came into the cafeteria to find Norm and Max. "Hey, where's Neytiri?" His question was answered when he heard a retching sound. "A fake pregnancy doesn't usually give you morning sickness, you know." He looked at Norm and Max with a scowl.

Norm pointed to Max. "His idea; he gave her human food."

Max rolled his eyes. "She wanted to try it!"

"And you let her?" Jake asked.
"Hey, you were ill for the first few days when you had their food," Max pointed out. Humans weren't usually used to pure food, at least nowadays they weren't, so it was a bit of a shock to the system for Jake. He was fine after a couple of days, but for the first few meals he felt like he had a wicked hangover.

Neytiri came out then, looking presentable. "If anyone is keeping record, I do not eat 'cup of noodles'." Her pronunciation was a bit off – she pronounced it more like 'new-dles'. Jake smiled and kissed her cheek.

Max shrugged. "Well, at least we know you won't be raiding our fridge," he chuckled. "Oh, that reminds me." He beckoned Jake, Norm and Neytiri over to the kitchen. Jake groaned as he hit his head on the low ceiling; Norm and Neytiri had been smart enough to duck down. "I'll give you two more years to stop doing that," Max laughed. Jake shook his head and rubbed it, laughing softly.

"So what did you want to show us?" Jake asked his friend. Max opened the door to show some milk bottles on the shelf. "Milk bottles. Is this your way of telling us you've discovered your inner child?" Norm cracked up at that, and Neytiri didn't get it.

Max shook his head. "For your child. Since Neytiri won't be lactating, this way you can feed your baby."

Jake looked sceptical. "Uh-huh. And how did you get the milk?"

"He modified human breast milk," Norm explained, as if that cleared everything up.

Jake vacillated. "Again, I re-iterate. How?" Norm made a slicing motion at his neck, and Jake quickly decided he didn't want to know.

Max chuckled at Norm. "Hey, do you guys have a name yet?" He asked his best friend and his mate, looking back up at Jake and Neytiri.

Neytiri smiled at Max. "Oh, thank you. And no, we have not."

"Well you can't go wrong with Max," he said with a wink.

Jake chuckled. "We'll think about it. Right now, we best get back to the clan." Neytiri smiled and they all gave Max a crushing hug goodbye before heading back home.