Chapter 21

Oh my lover, won't you tell me now

All the things that you fear?

'Cause I am a lover for the first time

I am ready to hear

I am ready to hear

…

Oh my lover, let me tell you now

All the things that I feel

I already cried a river so deep

Now I'm ready to heal

Now I'm ready to kneel

Flash – Joan as Police Woman

The sensation was strange; but that was to be expected. Of course it was unusual, it was the first time that Caroline had experienced no sensation at all. Each time she tried to tell how she felt about it, she found that she simply didn't.

When Stefan turned it off, he started killing senselessly. When Elena did it, she became cold and malevolent. Where is my urge to kill? Why am I not evil?

Caroline looked up at Stefan and Damon. They were staring intensely at her while she sat quietly on a couch in the Boarding House. Damon's arms were folded. Stefan's were fiddling with his garish ring. Their faces were…

What are they feeling?

She had no idea.

"Here you are." I said, trying to sound exasperated while walking into the room. It was dark outside, but no fire had been lit. "I've been looking for you everywhere." I continued. Damon turned in response, and his expression softened from the icy glare he'd been sporting. Stefan looked angry for a second, but a worried expression replaced it quickly. And then there was Caroline.

It worked. Just look at her face. Completely empty.

There was no reply from Katherine, but I was too engrossed with examining Caroline to care.

"Hey Care." I said, circling her slowly. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"Are you hungry?" I asked, pulling a blood bag from my pocket. "Want some?"

Caroline looked at me for a second, before nodding and catching the bag when I tossed it to her.

"Elena don't." Stefan piped up.

"Quiet." I hissed, watching Caroline.

"Haven't you done enough already?" He persisted. I ignored him. Damon was watching Caroline too, his eyes bright with curiosity.

"Eat up Care." I encouraged her. She looked down at the bulging bag, and pulled off the cap. She drank slowly, her eyes glancing at each of us in turn. When she was done, she calmly folded the empty bag in half and placed it on the table in front of her.

"I have another if you want." I grinned at Caroline as I produced a second bag. "Or should we go find someone fresher?"

Once again, Caroline paused for a moment before replying.

"No thanks." I froze, and my smirk vanished.

"What?"

"I'm not hungry."

"So?" I raised an eyebrow.

What the hell is she playing at? This isn't how it's meant to go.

"I'm not hungry. I don't want more." Her expression was as vacant as before.

"It's not about hunger, it's about fun."

"No thanks."

I could only stare at her in confusion.

Where is the bloodlust? What's wrong with her? Is she faking it? Maybe she didn't flip the switch.

"Are you feeling all right, Caroline?" Stefan asked.

"What are you trying to do, Blondie? Cut the crap." Said Damon. "Have you or haven't you turned off your humanity?"

Caroline looked from Stefan to Damon, and thought for a moment.

"I'm fine, Stefan. Yes Damon, I flipped the switch."

"Why, Care?" asked Stefan. "Because of me?" I took the chance to interrupt.

"Didn't you hear, Stefan? It was me. I told her-"

"Shut up, Elena." Stefan cut me off, and looked at Caroline again.

"Elena told me it would be better." Caroline said, and Stefan's face grew dark.

"Is it?" Damon asked.

"I don't know." I narrowed my eyes at her. She was dodging the question.

"She's lying." I said through gritted teeth. "She hasn't turned it off." I pricked the blood bag with a fingernail and threw it at Caroline. It hit her chest, and blood spurted everywhere.

"Hey! Watch the rug!" Damon exclaimed. Caroline pulled a tissue from her sleeve and began to wipe herself clean. Her face remained empty.

Katherine, something's wrong. Why isn't Caroline killing people?

How should I know?

You've had more experience with the humanity switch.

Sorry Elena.

"What have you done to her?" Stefan turned on me with clenched fists.

"Back off, Stefan." I pushed him back, and he stumbled slightly. "I fixed her."

"Don't give me that, Elena." He growled. "This is too far."

"Is it? Do you think I've gone too far, Damon?"

"Leave me out of your little couple-fight, if you don't mind." Damon smirked.

"In my darkest hour, Elena, you didn't give up on me." Stefan said quietly.

"Don't start with the hope-speech, Stefan." I replied. "You're wasting your breath."

"But you gave me a warning. You told me that unless I felt something, I'd lose you. You said you wouldn't love a ghost forever. Consider this my warning to you." Before I could reply, Stefan turned and stormed out.

Hopefully now he'll give up and leave me alone.

I wouldn't count on it.

From the entrance hall came the sound of hurried footsteps, and Klaus walked in, dragging Bonnie behind him.

"Where is she? Where's Caroline?" He shouted.

"Relax Klaus, she's right here." I said calmly, pointing at the couch. Caroline turned and looked at the Original without blinking.

"Damon," Klaus said coldly. "Your brother and you were pretty quick to grab her and run. Care to explain why?"

"I was wondering the same thing." I turned and stared at Damon too.

"Oh, you know." He said dismissively. "I was feeling heroic."

"Don't evade me." Klaus said dangerously, and Damon eyes grew serious.

"Fine, I was trying to avoid disaster. If Caroline was a ripper like Stefan, better lock her up before she eats half of Mystic Falls."

"Is she a ripper?" Klaus asked.

"No, she's…I have no idea."

"She hasn't eaten anyone." I pouted. "She says she doesn't want to."

Klaus looked confused, but got to work immediately.

"Listen up, Caroline." He said loudly, yanking Bonnie forwards. "I know Elena made you turn off your humanity, and trust me, she'll pay in time. But I have your friend Bonnie here, and unless you turn it back on, I'll drain every last drop of her blood."

"Klaus, don't do this." Damon said, raising his palms.

"Quiet Damon." He replied. "Hurry up, Caroline."

"Sorry Klaus." Caroline said. "I don't want to."

"If you don't, her blood will be on your hands."

"I know."

"What are you doing, Care?" Bonnie choked. "Listen to him!"

"No."

"Kill her." I urged Klaus. He looked unsure all of a sudden.

"Turn it on, Caroline!" He said again. She shook her head.

"Kill her. Make her feel the pain." I whispered, hardly able to contain my excitement.

"Quiet, Elena!" Klaus roared, his eyes almost frantic. "Caroline…"

"No."

Klaus visually deflated, letting Bonnie go. She stumbled away, but her glare of horror was aimed at Caroline.

"Care…" She said, tears rolling down her cheeks. "How could you?" Caroline simply watched. There was even a faint glint of confusion in her eyes. Still choking on her sobs, Bonnie ran from the lounge.

"You failed, Klaus." I said smugly. "The mighty Original loses to vampire Barbie."

"I've already warned you, Elena." Klaus said, grabbing my neck and pushing me against the wall. I stared back. "Your antics were amusing before you started meddling with Caroline, but don't mistake me for her or Stefan. I will not be manipulated or toyed with."

"Manipulated?" I managed a grin despite his fingers on my throat. "You let that happen to yourself when you started caring about Caroline."

"You convinced her to turn it off, you will tell her to turn it back. It's that, or I tear your heart from your chest."

"Me? I can't do anything, Klaus. She won't listen to me. Will you Care?"

"I'm not turning it back on, Klaus." Caroline said softly.

"See?" I hissed. "You're wasting your time."

"Your threats have failed, Klaus." Damon said. "Looks like you might have to do your own dirty work for a change." Klaus stared at me for a second before sneering and tossing me to the ground.

Jeremy patted Bonnie softly as he hugged her and she cried into his shoulder.

"She felt nothing, Jer." She sobbed. "We've been friends for as long as I can remember, and she was ready to let me die."

"She wasn't herself, Bonnie." He replied. "She can't care, but she's still inside."

"How do you now? You didn't see her."

"Because vampires can turn off their emotions, but they can't get rid of them for good. We'll find her."

"Yes, we will." Klaus said, appearing in the open doorway. "And you're going to help me."

"Have you seen Stefan?" Damon asked, pulling open a curtain to let the morning sun in.

"No, he left earlier." I replied, letting the waitress I'd been tempting Caroline with fall to the floor.

"Whoa." Damon raised his eyebrows. "What the hell are you doing? Who are these dead people?" He pointed at the bodies.

"Failures." I replied sourly. "All failures. She took one sip from the pizza delivery man and decided she'd had enough. I had to finish him off myself."

"I'm not hungry, Elena. You're pestering me." Caroline said.

"Maybe, Elena, you should accept defeat." Damon smirked.

"Urgh." I groaned and collapsed on the couch. "Why are you making this so difficult, Care? It was simple; you flip the switch, go on a killing spree and everyone turns their attention on bothering you instead of me."

"That's what this was all for?" Damon laughed.

"Your idiot brother and Barbie over here locked me up, Damon. All their concern is getting on my nerves."

"You really don't want to feel again, do you?" He replied, looking thoughtful.

"No. Caroline understands, don't you?" I turned to her and looked into her empty eyes.

"Understand what?"

"You are no fun at all this morning, you know that?" I sighed. "Who knew you'd be such a boring psychopath."

"This is boring, Elena. I'm going out." Caroline said, and stood without waiting for a response.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I don't know." She didn't look back as she left.

"Very interesting." Damon said thoughtfully.

"What is?"

"Who knew that the humanity switch is so different for every vampire? Stefan eats people, Caroline becomes an emotionless husk and you…"

"I what? Hmm Damon? What am I like without my humanity?"

"You're…a lot I was, actually."

"When you first came back to Mystic Falls? To terrorise Stefan and save Katherine?"

"Then?" Damon grinned. "I hadn't flipped the switch then."

"No? But you were a manipulative killer."

"I was a vengeful brother who was still hopelessly in love with the bitch stuck in your head."

Ooh, does that hurt?

I'm not playing this game, Elena. Damon can feel what he wants.

"Oh really, Damon? And what were you like when you chose not to feel?" I tilted me head at him.

"I spent my time drifting through the big cities, eating whomever I wanted and revelling in my vast carelessness. I'm actually surprised you're still here. I thought you'd have ditched us by now, not caring and all…" He fixed me with a sideways glance.

"Why would I leave, Damon? It's not like I'm lacking for victims." I glanced at the bodies lying at my feet. "Besides, what's the point of revelling in it if there's no one there to disapprove?" Damon weaved his way among the corpses until he was standing right in front of me.

"You're scared, aren't you?" He said softly.

"Scared?" I scoffed. "What would I be scared of?"

"Your humanity."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"You're scared of leaving Mystic Falls, because without us around you, you might be tempted to feel again. And if you feel, you'll have a lot of pain to make up for."

"That's not true. I enjoy torturing Stefan and Bonnie and Jeremy. And you."

"I'm not tortured."

"Oh please, Damon. You're tortured because you have no purpose. I took it from you when I no longer needed your help keeping my secrets."

"I kept your secrets because you asked nicely, not because I've got nothing better to do."

"Oh really? What could you be doing instead? Drinking in the bar alone now that Alaric's dead?"

"I could help protect Mystic Falls from its latest scourge, namely you."

"But deep down you know that my way is just more fun."

"And I should help you because you think I lack purpose?"

"Remember when you were the self-destructive brother who was always ready to snap and eat a few people. When did that Damon die?"

"He's not dead, Elena. That's the point of humanity, I'm still me."

"And when was the last time you took a break from the straight and narrow? Are you going soft?"

"Soft? I followed you all the way off your cliff when you were pretending to be Katherine. Remember the girl in the Grill? And those kids in the woods? I knew you needed to go off the rails at least once, so I didn't try to interfere with the natural order of things. Granted, you've gone further than expected, but that's natural too."

"I…" I paused. His words were…thought-provoking. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would you not try stop me? Everyone else has? Since when have you cared about the natural order?"

Damon's brow creased for a moment, and he gestured at the crystal set filled with alcohol.

"Join me for an early drink?" He asked. I nodded, and he poured for both of us.

"Are you going to explain?"

"Let me tell you a story. One about my first years as a vampire after 1864."