Sorry for taking this long... I'll write the next chapter a bit faster...
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13. Begging.
I closed my eyes and groaned. He was killing me.
"Draco." I whispered. "It doesn't matter what I feel or not. This will only end up in misery and you know it. What if I felt the same? What if I gave 'us' a chance? What will happen, huh? What will happen when you go home for Christmas? Won't 'he' want to know what you have been doing? He would be very interested in your life, so much so that he won't ask but just look! And even if he doesn't, even if Harry killed him, what than? We would both end up broken."
"Wouldn't it be worth it?" Draco countered. "It's it better to give it a chance and be honestly happy for a few months than just throw away a chance to be happy because you are afraid of getting hurt?"
I opened my eyes and looked at him, was he being serious?
"Are you masochistic or something?" I asked.
"No, I don't have a particular liking for pain, no." he said seriously. "Ginerva, I know it's dangerous, I know the Dark Lord will want to know about my life at school without asking, I have been preparing for that every since our first encounter but I need this. I really need you, sex and company."
I expected him to go on but he stopped talking, I don't know why but he just grew silent. The silence wasn't good, it gave the Collin-like voice time to scream at me. You need him as well! He keeps you from going crazy! I cursed my own internal voice, my better or darker part. Don't care about the future, live now, take the chance before you can't!
"What do you really want from me, Draco?"
"Just your company." He immediately said. "I hate to admit it myself but besides Blaise my housemates are driving me crazy, they are stupid, they can't seem to think for themselves."
"And you think I'm going to be good company?"
"You already are! I mean our hours together are amazing. I never have met a woman that could keep me so… captivated just with sex."
"You want to spend more time talking?" I asked hesitant.
"Talking, kissing, having sex, play dueling, anything." He said quickly. He was loosing all the Malfoy cool he ever had. This wasn't the man I had chosen to hunt and play with. I choose Draco because he was Draco, the Malfoy heir, the bad boy, the guy that didn't even look at Gryffindor's girls, the guy that stuck his nose up in the air and had some sort of right to do so, after all before his father destroyed their name by joining Voldemort, they were wizarding royalty. Where was the challenge in this Draco, he was practically begging me to love him too.
And I wasn't sure if I did. I wasn't even sure if I could really love somebody. I liked to play, I loved to play but to bind me to somebody…
You know you won't find a better player than him! There won't be a guy who is going to be better than him! My mind was concluding for me and I knew that it was right, no matter how this year would end or how the war would end I would always be craving for what Draco gave me.
I groaned and sat down in the sofa again. My head in my hands and my eyes closed.
"You men know how to make life difficult." I groaned.
"I'm sorry." He said as he sat down next to me.
"I'd rather you are not." I whispered. I looked up at him, his silvery blond hair was still wild from our sex, it was hanging in his eyes, he was still naked. I honestly don't think I would ever see something more sexy and beautiful than that. He tried to smile at me, it was careful and weak but his eyes looked actually happy.
Suddenly he leaned forward and kissed me. Of course we kissed, we always kissed but never before was it like this. Never before had it felt so loving, so deep and so passionate. It was like all our emotions were flowing through it. The fear, the confusion, the anger, the things we were feeling for each other, maybe it was love, the kiss just felt so good.
"Draco." I moaned.
"Yes, Ginerva?" He whispered as he kissed a trail down my neck.
"I can't promise you anything." I breathed, he just knew how to push my buttons.
"Why is that?"
I pulled back and looked at him, was he serious?
"Well, we can't go on a date to get to know each other, for starters, it's already hard enough to find the freedom to get away for these few hours."
"I have noticed. Ginerva, I don't ask you to spend every free moment with me, just don't run out as soon as we are finished."
"And than?"
"We'll see. I don't know how to do this, we will see. Let's take a chance."
"It will be a dangerous gamble."
"I know but let's make it worth it."
I could agree to that.
D/G/D/G/D/G/D/G/D/G/D/G/D
I had noticed that she hadn't answered my question. She didn't tell me if she really felt something for me or not. I don't know why she refused to answer but I didn't push it. I got for a large part what I wanted, she agreed to try and spend some time together to get to know each other better.
Gods, Draco, you sound so cheesy! My mind yelled at me. To my horror I couldn't help but agree.
I suddenly realized that only moments ago I was pleading with this woman to stay with me. It was so un-Malfoy like.
"Draco?" She suddenly asked.
"Yes?"
"I really have to get back to the Gryffindor tower, it's almost 5 in the morning, I need some sleep."
"I know, I'm tired as well."
"Are you okay?" her voice was thick with concern.
"Yeah, why do you ask?"
"Because you got even paler."
"It's nothing. I just wondered what you did to me."
"Me?" She asked in surprised. "I didn't do anything but shag you."
"Than that must be it." I said, I loved the look of confusion on her face, I had never seen that before, it looked rather funny and cute.
"What are you talking about?"
"You made me into a pathetic begging boy." I said accusingly, I didn't mean to but my face turned in to a glare at her. To my surprise instead of denying, getting angry or protesting that it was her fault she just smiled.
"There, that's the Draco Malfoy I picked to shag. Now keep him there."
She stood up and folded the hood of her cloak over her red hair. It casted a shadow over her face which left only her eyes burning clearly. She looked so dangerous that way, so sexy and so desirable.
"Why does wearing black makes you look so sexy?" I asked as I magically dressed myself.
"Dunno… maybe it's who I really am." She moved towards me, kissed me deeply and smiled wickedly. "Till tomorrow Draco." Her voice suggestive and sexy.
I nodded and watched her walk out, she was so silently it was almost ghost like. I couldn't help but smile after her. The girl was mine, I had to think of a plan to make sure that it would be forever.
D/G/D/G/D/G/D/G/D/G/D/G/D
"Draco, you are utterly insane!" Blaise yelled at me. "Do you want to get yourself get killed? Do you want her to get killed, kicked out by her family!"
"Blaise please, I have only slept 2 hours last night."
"That's your fault, maybe all that sex and little sleep has finally started to eat away your thinking capacity." He snapped. I couldn't understand why he was so angry. He had been in my room again when I got back from my night with Ginerva, he was sleeping so I let him and tried to get a few hours of sleep as well before class started. During the day Blaise had kept glaring at me, I almost thought he was jealous or something and now when he finally got me alone he blew up, growling and yelling at me.
"Blaise, please. Why on earth are you yelling, what did I do to deserve that." I sighed as I rubbed my aching head. Sleep was definitely something I needed to do more.
"Look in a mirror! Tell me, what do you see." He growled.
I got up from the sofa and walked to the decorated mirror next to my door. I wondered what he was up too, I was sure I hadn't written "I love Ginerva" on my forehead.
"What should I look for?" I asked when I saw a tired but happy looking version of myself.
"Maybe that stupid grin that you just can't seem to wipe of your face, or that lovely smile you give every time you think about her." Blaise said. "Blimey Draco, even Goyle noticed you looked different. You've got to pull yourself together before you get the both of you tortured and killed."
I studied my own face for a while. After a few minutes I realized that indeed I looked different, my eyes were brighter and there was indeed a weird grin on my face. I tried to pull my sneer back into place but it was difficult when I didn't felt like sneering.
"See what I mean. When even somebody as stupid as Goyle notice it than can you understand what Snape will make of it, or your father!"
I nodded I could see what he meant, this wasn't me and I suddenly understood what Ginerva had meant last night when she said 'that's the Draco Malfoy I picked to shag', at that moment I had felt like my old self and probably even sneered at her.
"That's going to be a problem." I whispered as I continued looking at myself.
"Yes." Blaise hissed. "What happened last night that got this result?"
I turned to look at him and sighed.
"You don't even want to know." I groaned as I crashed onto the bed.
"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know."
"Okay, Okay. I said the L-word, whispered it after the… sex."
"You didn't!" Blaise yelped.
"I couldn't help it. It just happened."
"I told you, I told you, you were falling for that vixen. Damn, Draco Malfoy lost his heart to the biggest blood traitor ever."
"Ho! Stop Blaise. We both know she isn't like that. I don't know what it is with her but she just doesn't seem to care about blood."
"I know, she isn't like that but it's enough to get you both killed! How did she react anyway?"
"As expected. She got upset, wanted to walk out but… …"
"She stayed."
"Only when I asked her too."
"Asked her?"
I sighed and closed my eyes. Maybe Ginerva was right men did make life difficult.
"She is just scared Blaise. Scared of what will happen when she gives in. Not that she doesn't have to right to be scared. This won't end good either way but I convinced her to give it a try."
"You mean she said the L-word as well?" Blaise gasped surprised.
"No, she didn't say anything about her feelings." I admitted.
"Did you want her too?"
"I don't know Blaise, maybe. I don't even know what it exactly is what I am feeling for her. Besides you people around here are just plain stupid. I just want her to be a small spot of sanity in my life."
"What if she tries and decides that it doesn't work?"
"My life after this school year will be hell anyway, no matter which side win, when she walks away, than I'll just start my hell a bit earlier." I shrugged knowing that it would be the end anyway.
"If you want to be there to experience hell you better pull yourself together this night because you will be dead with Christmas if you don't, He'll do it personally."