How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

it had been serveral hours of pretty mucha tour of the different parts of Canterlot, we had stopped at Pony Joes for a coffee and a doughnut,. i watched as Graze tried and failed at flirting with Caffiene.

"sorry, but i'm not really interested"

"so... what... you like mares?"

i face-palmed, it was probably the most dumbest question anyone could ask.

"well i never" she giggled.

"i'll take it as a no" Graze chuckled then walked back to us. "but hey, there wasn't any harm in trying was there?"

"not really" she giggled again.

Graze simply smiled.

Shamrock rolled his eyes as we walked out of the coffee shop. "jeez man, you were actin like a lovesick filly in there"

he commented. "well, sorry if i'm actually trying to start a relationship, unlike you"

"guys... as much as i love to see two grown stallions fight sober... its more funnier when we're all drunk!" i chuckled.

"oh, its 7:30pm is it?"

"eeyup" i smiled.

as we walked in, i was met with the smell of strong alcohol, which instantly put a smile on my face.

"oh hey there Shamrock, the usual?"

"aye, barkeep" the bar had a very homely feel to it. hell... it felt irish.

"Shammers... this is a cloplin pub isnt it" i deadpanned. he looked at me sheepishly.

"yeah it is"

"awesome," i grinned. "lets go get drunk"

thats when the bar keep looked at me. "y-your that...your Princess Luna's Fiance arent you?"

i simply nodded, "yeah, the one and only" i smiled.

"what can i get you?"

"well for starters..."

"Good evening ladies and gentle colts, i'm green pastures"

"i'm flidder green"

"and i'm grenitch meentime"

"and tonight were joind by a very special guest, Robbie Mcguyver" i stood next to them, i felt lucky that they were on thier hind legs

"tonight we be singing an od favorite of his as a true Cloplin welcome" Pastures smiled.

"its called another clloplin drinking song" fiddler continued.

"and it goes like this." they burst into song, and i started them off with the lyrics.

"Gather round ye lads and lasses

Set ye for awhile

And hearken to me mournful tale about the Emerald Isle

Let's all raise our glasses high to friends and family gone

And lift our voices in another Cloplin drinking song"

we were met with cheers as i continued

"Consumption took me mother and

Me father got the pox

Me brother drank the whiskey till he wound up in a box

Me other brother in the troubles met with his demise

Me sister has forever closed her smiling Irish eyes"

the ponies began to slowly join in.

"Now everybody's died

So, until our tears have dried

We'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more

We'll dance and sing and fight until the early morning light

Then we'll throw up, pass out, wakeup, and then go drinking once again"

some ponies began to dance like madcolts

" Kenny was killed in Killkenny

And Clare she died in Claire

Tip in Tiperrary died out in the dairy air

Shannon jumped into the river Shannon back in June

Ernie fell into the urn and Tom is in the tomb "

i took a swig of beer,

"Cleanliness is godliness me uncle Pat would sing

He broke his neck a slipping on a bar o' Cloplin Spring

O'Grady he was eighty though his bride was just a pup

He died upon the honeymoon when she got his Cloplin up"

the last line was met with a roar of impromtu laughter

"Now everybody's died

So, until our tears have dried

We'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more

We'll dance and sing and fight until the early morning light

Then we'll throw up, pass out, wakeup, and then go drinking once again"

ponies began to join in at this point bring a smile to our faces.

Graze stood infront of the microphone and put on a bizarre indian accent.

"Joe Murphy fought with Riley near the cliffs of Odinie

He took out his shillelagh and he stabbed him in the spleen

My crazy uncle Mike thought he was a leprechaun

But in fact he's just a leper and his arms and legs are gone

When Timmy Johnson broke his neck it was a crying shame

He wasn't really Cloplin but he went to Notre Dame

MacNamara crossed the street and by a bus was hit

But he was just a Scotsman so nobody give a shit!"

"Now everybody's died

So, until our tears have dried

We'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more

We'll dance and sing and fight until the early morning light

Then we'll throw up, pass out, wakeup, and then go drinking once again"

"Me drunken Uncle Brendan tried to drive home from the bar

The road rose up to meet him when he fell out of his cart

Irony was what befell me great grand-uncle Sam

He choked upon the very last potato in the land"

there was a brief silence and another roar of laughter.

"Conner lived in Ulster town

He used to smuggle arms

Until the trotteniegh killed him

And cut off his lucky charms

And dear old father Flannigan who left the Lord's employ

Drunk on sacramental wine beneath the alter boy"

one pony place another round of beers infront of us.

"Now everybody's died

So, until our tears have dried

We'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more

We'll dance and sing and fight until the early morning light

Then we'll throw up, pass out, wakeup, and then go drinking once again"

i took a deep breath and placed a solemn look on my face.

"Someday soon I'll leave this world of pain and toil and sin

The Lord will take me by the hand to join all of me kin

Me only wish is when the savior comes for me and you

He kills the cast of river dance and Michael Flately too"

every pony jopined in on the last chorus

"Now everybody's died

So, until our tears have dried

We'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more

We'll dance and sing and fight until the early morning light

Then we'll throw up, pass out, wakeup, and then go drinking once again

Then we'll throw up, pass out, wakeup, and then go drinking once again

Then we'll throw up, pass out, wakeup, and then go driiinkiiing ooonce aaaagaaaiiin

Hoyee"

after what had seemd like a good few hours of drinking, i had decided to tell my bad jokes.

however, as we were sitting at a table with Green Pastures, he came out with this.

"My son was sick all over the pub on his 18th last night.

18 pints is a lot for a 6 year old in fairness though."

needless to say, alot of ponies laughed... some had thrown up... others had left.

i checked the time, "oh shit, Luna's going to kill me, either that or..." i suddenly had a goofy smile.

"er... Rob?"

i shook my head violently "soory about that.. dirty thoughts involving whips" i grinned.

shamrock face hoofed. "too much information" he chuckled.

I stood up to leave. "yo, bar keep... how much do i owe yas?"

"absolutely nothin pal, just make sure you show up once in a while with anohter drinkin song... that was bloody brilliant"

"sure pal" i grinned.

i walked out with a small song in my head.

"You may bury me with an enemy in Mount Calvary

You can stack me on a pyre and soak me down with whiskey

Roast me to a blackened crisp and throw me in a pile

I could really give a shit, I'm going out in style"

i walked past the different houses and shops. finally arriving at the castle gates, i said hello to the night guards. they kindly let me in. as i walked around, i noticed Luna was reading the edgar allen poe book.

"enjoying the book i see?" i smiled.

"oh yes, simply wonderful"

i looked at the page she was reading, "the tell tale heart, nice" i grinned.