A/N: To all of you still reading, hello and welcome back! The last time this was updated, Star Wars wasn't even owned by Disney. Ouch. Thank you for keeping up with me! A huge thank you to my ever-so-loyal beta Lacey, who goes by Toni here on . She is ever so patient and kind, even when I go internet AWOL and suddenly decide after 7 or so years that the plural of Jedi is Jedis (?! I'm an idiot).

Get your brave hats on.

Chapter Seventeen: Impulse

Mara and Luke waited eleven standard minutes before Mara felt both her father's and Master's presence in the Force. Seeking them out felt unnatural to her, as if her connection to the Force was undeserved. Her body and mind had always sought her father, but when she found him, it wasn't right.

His presence was always a comfort to her but something had changed. She found him, as bright as always, but he didn't provide any comfort. It suddenly occurred to her, that in her moment of rage, she hadn't even considered sheltering herself.

She had broadcasted her emotions to every Jedi planet-side which meant that her act of murder had reverberated through the Force at high frequency. She was a murderer and had done nothing to hide it.

Mara didn't feel comfort because there was no comfort to be had, and it was as simple as that.

"Mara?" Luke asked from his position against the wall. She had murdered the Neimoidian and if Luke had been killed, she would have been responsible. She had done a horrible job of fixing what was left of his arm so she had to act quickly. The Jedi needed to get off this planet before any more setups reared their heads.

She wanted to sit alone and think about what everything meant. Why had the Dooku bloodline been able to shut off the droids? Was it a leftover order from the Clone Wars?

But now wasn't the time. She closed her eyes and sent out the message.

Luke's hurt. We need to get him out of here.

It was her father that answered her distress call first. We're on our way.

She breathed a sigh of relief and sat back down next to Luke. He had put himself into a healing trance with what little energy he still had left. His eyes fluttered as she slipped her hand into his. He knew she was there and she felt a very faint ripple between them: thank you.

In response, Mara gavehim a little of what she herself had left. She only hoped that when he woke, he'd forgive her.

oOo

Mara had been silent as Anakin and her father made their way out of the building. She had tried to ignore the deactivated droids that littered the floors. She held back a sob as she thought of Padmè's body in the top hallway and wondered how the Skywalkers seemed so calm. She wanted to scream and shout her grief, Code be damned but other things weighed heavily on her mind.

Padmè's death repeated over and over in her mind and she called upon the Force to help cleanse her grief. Except it didn't work. Dark thoughts wandered in and out of her conscious mind and she wasn't sure whether or not it was her own doing.

The Force mocked her, only allowing the smallest part of itself be controlled. It was trying to tell her something and she was refusing to listen. She had caught her father staring at her as of late, as if he was waiting for something to surface. He loved her, she knew that, but she had proved herself to be tied to the darkness today. If he was waiting for something to happen, she feared that in good time, it would.

Barely a word had been spoken between them all as Luke clung to his slumber. Grief hung similarly on Mara as she rendered assistance wherever she could. The silence wore her down and she felt a wave of fear pass over her as Master Windu cast his eye over her.

The Jedi Master rarely approved of anything to do with her. Hours spent perfecting saber techniques had done nothing to please him, nor hours spent in meditation trying to right her wrongs. Her short leave of absence had proved ineffective and now, he could see right through her.

He could smell the fact that she was a murderer.

She tore her eyes away from the Jedi Master and stole a glance at another one. Her Master worked efficiently, directing others around them. His face looked tired and she had felt his relief through the Force once he realised that his son was going to be okay. She had felt something similar come from her own father.

She wondered what words she could possibly say to him to negate his devastating loss. She felt her own pain sharply, what would his be like? Would it manifest as a gaping hole in the Force where Padmè used to be? Her inability to feel the Force completely was a disservice. She poked and prodded the area around him as much as she could with her mind.

Resignation.

Relief.

Sadness.

Determination.

Disappointment.

Suddenly, she was taken aback by the sheer absence of grief in her Master. She moved quickly to her father, who also would have felt Padmè's loss through the Force and again, found no trace of it.

With this quick realisation, the Force opened itself to her again, filling her with images, thoughts and feelings and most of all, knowledge. It taunted her again, and she felt a ghost of a hand stroking her cheek gently, as if to move it quickly and replace it with a blade.

There it is, it mocked. You knew it all along.

"No," she whispered, her eyes scanning the debris and chaos outside of the building. The Med Crew, with its bright red hover truck sitting in the corner announced itself proudly. Right next to it, a smaller blue hover van sat, tending to its unfortunate and depressing business: storing bodies for transportation.

In a flash, Mara was hurriedly skipping over both destroyed and deactivated droids that had been pulled from the building. She felt her father's confusion as she rushed at the humanoid staff sealing bodies in the transport tubes.

Her eyes roved over the tubes.

"Can I help you?" an older staff member asked gruffly. "Med Crew personnel only."

"I need to see a body," she replied forcefully. "Now."

The man looked her up and down. "You have no right to be asking-"

Before Mara could stop herself, she raised her hand and silenced the man. "I'm not asking."

Wide-eyed and clutching his throat, probably wondering what had happened to his old, tired voice, the man pointed to the tubes behind him. Mara released him from his silence and moved to the back area. As she stepped over a toolkit left on the ground, she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Mara..."

Mara shrugged his hand off as she peered into the already closed tube. "I have to know."

He tried again. "There is nothing you can accomplish, young one. These people have become one with the Force. We will honour their sacrifice..."

Another spike of anger surged through her and she couldn't stand the silence, the gaping hole of mistrust and secrecy. She struggled to keep her emotions intact. She felt pain, and confusion and anger...and grief for something that she both feared and hoped wasn't true.

"Honour their sacrifice? Is that what you're going to tell Anakin to console him after a kriffing scumbag shot a hole through his wife's head?" she hissed as she opened up the tube in front of her.

A strange look passed over Obi-Wan's face. "Padmè? Mara..."

But Mara wasn't listening. The tube she had opened was casing the body she had been looking for. Thick, brown curls adorned a blood-soaked face and the official robes of the Republic sat awkwardly around a cold corpse. She gasped as the fire within her started. She flicked the hair out of the way and her fingers ghosted on the bloody cheek of the woman who was most definitely not Padmè Skywalker.

She was quiet for a second and a sob escaped her. "Oh gods," she whispered, pulling her hand from the body. "That's not Padmè."

She looked at her father, whose face had fallen. "No, Mara," he answered slowly. "That is Dormè."

She spun to him, her emotions creeping up and settling heavily inside her chest. "She sent her handmaiden..."

Her father crouched beside the tube and after a short moment of quiet, he nodded to the body and closed the protector. "I am sorry I failed to protect you."

Mara could do nothing but watch on. Her father had always had a strong grip on her emotions, even when it came to her. Watching him peacefully say goodbye to Padmè's handmaiden struck her very core as war raged inside of her.

They had led her to believe Padmè was in there. She thought she had seen Padmè murdered in front of her eyes. She had cried and raged and murdered as she thought Luke and Leia's mother was dead. She had mourned for her Master's dead wife. She had killed Padmè's murderer.

"Why...I don't understand?" was all she could get out. Obi-Wan avoided her eyes as he again attempted to touch her unsuccessfully.

"You are a padawan, Mara. Padmè is safely off-planet. Like with any decoy situation, it was a need to know basis," he offered quietly. "I am sorry, young one. Padmè will be very upset. They were quite close."

Once again, the Jedi had lied to her. She knew and trusted Dormè and would mourn her loss, along with the Skywalkers. Her feelings of betrayal were surfacing, but a colder part of her still whispered among the darkness.

Her father took her hand. "The Council has called a meeting. There are more pressing issues to discuss."

Numbly, Mara felt herself be pulled along, out of the Med Bay area. The old man glared at her as she left, his hand attached to his throat, still reeling from the violation of his voice. The vision of the Neimoidian's head on the ground flashed back at her.

She tried to stuff the next thought deep inside of her.

He still deserved it.

o0o

The next few hours passed in a blur. A mass evacuation had been called and Mara understood a galaxy-wide notice had been broadcast to all Jedi. Twenty years of peace had done nothing to quell the Jedi's sense of danger. A very important meeting had been called and their party had docked on the nearest friendly planet.

Right now, the three accompanying Masters were in the midst of a Council meeting. All three were making concerted efforts to shield so neither Mara nor any other Jedi present knew what was happening behind those closed doors.

Mara hadn't been able to face anyone and had made herself scarce. Her datapad had burnt a hole in her pocket but she had avoided looking at the doomsday device and focused her energy on the comings and goings of the on-site med-bay.

Once she was certain Anakin was safely tucked away in the important meeting, she had found her way to the visitor's seat next to Luke's bacta tank. The droid had informed her that they were working on a prosthetic arm which would be attached in two days after the bacta had finished repairing his wound. The droid also praised her for cauterising the wound but Mara felt no pride in the matter.

As far as she was concerned, she had cut his arm off herself. Tears formed in her eyes as her oldest friend floated in the medicinal liquid in front of her. Her recklessness in joining the fray had been cruelly rewarded. Her absence might've saved Luke's arm and if she hadn't been in that lift at that time, the Neimoidian might've left Dormè alone.

She was sure Luke could feel her presence and she tried to send him as much comfort as she could. Once his new arm was attached, he would be put back into active service. Something in the Republic was stirring and Mara was sure the legacy of the Separatists had something to do with it.

Before she could ruminate any further, another familiar presence joined her at Luke's side. "Of all the family traits, I can't believe it's this one that stuck," Ahsoka commented as she summoned a chair from the side of an empty bacta tank. "These Skywalkers are certainly something."

Mara was inclined to agree but said nothing. Shame and sadness consumed her and she was struggling to interact with anyone but herself. "Following orders isn't your best quality, is it Kenobi?"

Mara wasn't sure how she could answer that. Ahsoka held up her hand. "I don't expect you to agree, but I want you to listen." She leant in closer. "Look, I know what it's like being judged constantly, your every move scrutinised. I was the Sky guy's padawan too once upon a time ago. And you know what? Most of the time it was great, but sometimes it sucked.

"I can feel that there's great conflict inside of you. Everyone on this base can feel it. The Jedi Council have screwed me over in the past too but trust me when I say, they're there to help you. Mara, you need help," she whispered. "You have a gift. Nobody cares one bit who your family is-"

"Was," Mara cut in. "Dooku was a Sith and he was my grandfather. I know it and they've known it all along, but still..." She turned to face her Master's first padawan. Ahsoka's eyes were kind but her face remained stoic. "They lied to me about it and then have punished me extensively for it ever since Serenno."

Ahsoka shook her head. "I don't think that's-"

"It is," Mara emphasised, sneaking a pained look at Luke. "They look at me as if I'm a bomb ready to explode. I finally figure out that I'm a Dooku and then suddenly my home planet is involved in Separatist terrorist acts against the Jedi. That's not going to end well."

Ahsoka was quiet for a moment until Mara spoke again. "They're going to interrogate me," she added. "Over and over. They'll send someone to start poking my head. Oh and they'll see, they'll see what I've done, what I'm capable of..."

Ahsoka's soft hands cupped Mara's own. "Let them. You're not a monster, Snips." They both looked up to Luke's floating body. In her heart she knew that he was more than a friend. Mara looked at him and recognised something. She was in love with him. She always had been. She replayed the scene of her decapitating Rune Haako and pictured what she would be capable of if someone had shot a hole through Luke Skywalker.

Love didn't discriminate but as Ahsoka stood with one last squeeze of her hands, Mara knew that Luke Skywalker didn't deserve the love of a murderer.

She looked at him again, wishing somehow that when her father had adopted her eighteen years ago, he had taken every inch of darkness out of her slowly decaying heart.

An errant tear spilled down her cheek. Heroes were Jedi. Mara was nothing anymore and as she gathered her herself, she knew that ghosts had no place being Jedi.

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