Aftermath
Chapter Three: On The Inside Looking Out

Author's Note: I know in the "Angel" season 4 episode (Salvage, I think) when Wes visits Faith, she says, "Never thought I'd live long enough to see you paying me a visit." So let's pretend that she forgot to add "again."

For a Slayer, it was a pretty stupid nightmare. But it was a nightmare nonetheless. Didn't have any demons. Nothing scary. But it always made her wake up trembling, sweating, gasping for breath.

The worst part was waking up and finding out the dream lived in waking hours.

Faith had only been mildly surprised to hear she had a visitor. Angel wasn't exactly big with the regular dropping in to say hi thing. But he was the only person who ever visited her, so she wasn't surprised when she saw him waiting for her.

She had known something bad had happened the second she set eyes on him. Away went the euphoria of seeing him and in came the dread. He was slumped forward, not looking for her like he usually did. Her confirmation that something bad had happened had been when he looked up. There had been no reassuring "How you doing?" smile. His eyes looked sore, like he had been crying. She knew then that someone had died, she couldn't think of anything else that would make him cry. She thought it would be Cordelia or Wesley.

Boy, had she been wrong.

He didn't stay. She told herself that the only reason she could remember every word of the conversation was because it barely made the five minute mark. And remember it she did. Every goddamn word.

"What's happened?" she had demanded, grabbing the phone as she sat down. She didn't think that he couldn't hear her because he hadn't picked up his phone.

Slowly, he reached out and picked up the phone, leaning heavily into it.

"Hey, Faith," it was a flat voice. Dead. Like him. Only really this time. For the first time, Faith saw nothing but a reanimated corpse.

"Don't give me that bullshit," she snapped. "What's happened? Who's -"

He met her eyes then. There was only one person in the world that could cause him that much pain and Faith had to conciously tell herself to ease up on the phone before she snapped it clean in two.

"No," she whispered.

"She died three days ago," he told her. "The funeral was the day before yesterday. I didn't go. I visited… her afterward. I, uh, I'm going away for a while. But I thought… I thought you should know."

She wanted to leave, pretend this never happened. She was happier not knowing.

"How?" she asked, though God knew she didn't want the details.

"She sacrificed herself to save Dawn," he paused, frowned a little. "And the world."

The world had been an afterthought. To him, what was the world without Buffy? And Faith remembered Squirt, remembered that for all Buffy's moaning about her, she loved Dawn. Faith had an idea that Buffy didn't die for the world. She died for her sister. For her friends. People like Faith just got lucky that Buffy's sacrifice meant they lived too.

They were silent for a moment, before Angel went on.

"I'm going to a monastery in Sri Lanka. Wes said I could find some peace there. I won't see you for a while. I thought I should let you know about… And, uh, to say goodbye."

"Right. Thanks."

He stood then, staring as she rose slowly too, putting the phone away. He watched her, glanced down at the phone clenched in his own fist and put it to one side. She mouthed "I'm sorry," through the glass and looking back, she thought there was a flash of hate in those normally compassionate brown eyes.

"And why not, huh, B?" she muttered into the darkness, having been woken by the dream again. "The Chosen Two. Ha. The good one dies and the bad one lives. Not like in storybooks, is it? The PTB sure do have a sense of humour."

She turned over and tried to go back to sleep. As she dozed off, she almost heard Buffy snort.

"Sense of humour? How is this funny?"

They said she had a visitor. She didn't think it was Angel, he was in Sri Lanka.

Her visitor was waiting for her, head slumped in his hands, hair ruffled. He looked up as she sat down and picked up the phone.

"Hello, Faith," he said.

"What are you doing here, Wesley?" she asked. She was tired; too many nights reliving Angel telling her Buffy was gone would make anyone tired.

"Angel asked Cordelia to come and see you," Wes explained. "She didn't want to. So here I am. He said to make sure you're ok."

"Why wouldn't I be?" she retorted, lifting her chin, hoping he didn't notice the dark circles under her eyes.

"Buffy died," he answered. His voice was tight and he looked away, staring at the other visitors and convicts.

Gone. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he had always thought that sometime in the future, he would in some way prove himself to Buffy. He respected her, the way she came to LA after Faith and he was quite aware that Buffy leaving the Council was his fault.

But some tiny part of him had wanted to prove himself to her. Just like that same tiny part of him wanted to prove himself to everyone who had ever doubted him. The gang in Sunnydale, the Council, his father…

"Yeah, I know," she went to great lengths to sound unconcerned and he looked back at her, raising his eyebrows.

"You don't look like you sound," he commented.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You sound like you don't care. You look like you do."

She shrugged, twirling patterns with fingernail across the table in front of her.

"Angel still in Sri Lanka?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Huh. He shoulda gone to Las Vegas to get hammered."

To her surprise, Wes chuckled.

"Gunn said the same thing. And who knows, he may yet. I doubt a little quiet time will help much."

"I would've thought you'd be the one that was all for the quiet time in a monastery."

"He wanted to get away. I offered a suggestion. It might work. But I doubt it. He's got to learn to live with what's happened. This will just make it harder when he gets back, he might not know how to cope going about his daily life."

"So why didn't you tell him that?"

"Faith, this is Angel. He wouldn't listen to me. He won't listen to anyone about this. This is one thing he doesn't think is anyone else's problem but his own."

"That's bullshit."

"My sentiments exactly."

She looked up with a slight smile.

"Did you go to the funeral?" she asked.

"Yes. It was beautiful, though I doubt that's a consolation. Just before sunset, early evening. The sunset was beautiful that night."

It had been. The Powers own tribute to the dead heroine four feet beneath them. Wes couldn't help wondering about the sudden display of affection, gratitude, whatever this sunset was supposed to symbolise. They could have helped her when she was alive instead of celebrating her life once she was dead.

"What about Angel?" she asked. "He couldn't go before sunset."

"No. He didn't want to anyway. He said he wanted to see her alone. He tried to convince Cordy and I not to go. But we went anyway, we left Sunnydale as soon as the funeral was over; we didn't want to intrude. I saw his car as we left. I think he and Spike mourned her together."

He bowed his head again. Angel hadn't said a word to him about Buffy.

"Take care of them, Wesley," was all he had said, as he took Wes's hand and shook it. "Make sure they're ok, boss."

And that was it.

"He didn't look too good," Faith mused.

"No," Wes agreed. "Probably because he's not. But he'll get through this."

"But this is Buffy…" Faith tailed off as Wes met her eyes.

Startled, she kept quiet. She saw horror in those eyes and realised that Wes was forcing himself to believe in Angel.

Wes lowered his gaze. It was true. Yes, he was the boss. He was good with the strategies and bookwork and fighting, but the team needed Angel behind it. It lost its momentum without him. The thought that the one thing that would crush Angel had happened, terrified Wesley.

Because he didn't know how he would pull everyone together if they lost Angel again.

He jumped a little, as his jacket pocket buzzed. He pulled out his pager. 911. Damn.

"Faith…"

"It's ok. Go fight the fight. Make sure Angel's got a business to come back to."

He nodded and stood up, replacing the phone. She stood up also, holding up her hand in farewell. He raised his own, smiled hesitantly and left as Faith was led away.

Faith was called to the visiting room again. She didn't mind. It had taken her an hour after Wes had left to realise that she had not apologised for what she did to him and he had not mentioned it. She wanted to say sorry today.

But it wasn't Wesley sitting on the other side of the glass. It was Queen C, sitting with her chin in her hand and a bored expression. She lurched away from the glass as Faith sat down, as though scared the Slayer could get her if she got too close.

She picked up the phone and waited for Faith to do the same.

"I don't want to be here," she stated immediately.

"That's two of us," Faith answered.

"Wesley was going to come again," Cordy went on, ignoring her comment. "But he's at the hospital."

"Is he ok?" Faith asked.

Cordelia shot her a like you care look, but shrugged.

"He's fine," she answered. "A big and slimy whacked him on the head and Gunn thought he might have concussion."

"Oh," Faith picked at her fingernails for a moment. "So… Angel's not back?"

"No," Cordelia answered quietly. "And we haven't heard from him. But he asked me to check on you and I figured… Well, I figured there was no point. You didn't care about Buffy."

"And you did?" Faith snapped.

"Yeah," Cordy retorted. "She was a friend. I never tried to kill her boyfriend or went over to the bad side. Look, can we not do this? I'm tired."

And she looked it. She had spent the last two weeks since Buffy's death mourning and working. The visions were really taking their toll and the fighting seemed immaterial now. She tried to take some of the pressure off Wesley by taking it upon herself to look out for Fred. But she had given up on that days ago.

She was surprised by how hard Buffy's death had hit her. Buffy had been her friend once and sure, they had their moments. Times when Cordy hated her with a fiery passion. But whatever she felt for Buffy, a part of her still kinda liked her.

The fact that she died to save her sister came as no great surprise to Cordy. It was the fact she died that shocked her. Grabbed hold of her world and turned it upside down, but not before giving it a damn good shake.

"It came outta nowhere for you too?" Faith asked.

"Yeah…" Cordy sighed. "I just never thought… I mean, I know she was a Slayer, but she was…"

"Buffy," Faith supplied. "I know what you mean. I know what I did, Cordelia, and I'm not proud of it. I always wanted to make it up to her one day. Y'know, prove I could be a good guy? Guess I'll never get the chance…. Were the guys ok?"

Cordy shrugged.

"We didn't stay too long. Angel tried convincing us not to go, but we went back with Willow anyway. We paid our respects, walked back to the house and drove home. We passed Angel as we left. He knows we went, but he pretended not to. How were the guys?" Cordy repeated thoughtfully, frowning.

She didn't know. In all honesty, she couldn't describe it.

"Heartbroken," she whispered finally. "Every single one of them was heartbroken. Which isn't a surprise, seeing as Buffy was their heart. Oh, God."

She squeezed her eyes shut, not going to cry in front of Faith. She searched for her sharp, insensitive side and found it, grabbed it tightly. That was her salvation, that was what stood between her and tears. She had no right. She and Buffy hadn't spoken since she left Sunnydale. But yet, Cordy felt her loss like a kick in the gut.

"Sorry," Faith whispered.

"Not going to bring her back," Cordy answered. "I'm gonna go, I want to make sure Wes is ok."

"Yeah, right. Thanks for coming."

"Yeah. So, you're ok?"

"As good as you," Faith answered, eyeing Cordelia pointedly.

"It'll get better," Cordy told her, putting the phone down, standing and walking away.

"Christ, I hope so," Faith muttered.

Faith didn't see anyone after that for three months. She got a scrawled letter from Angel, letting her know he was back from his trip, that he was coping and that he'd see her soon, but he was busy getting back into the swing of things.

She was glad, really. She was happy that things were ok with him, that he hadn't hid away from things so long that he wouldn't be able to cope when he got back like Wes had predicted.

She didn't get a chance to hide. Buffy's death was there every minute of every day. Because she was stuck in prison, a constant reminder of her mistakes. Which meant it was also a reminder of the woman she felt she had wronged the most.

The woman she would never be able to make it up to.

She had loved Buffy. They were the Chosen Two. Sister Slayers. Friends. In a way, family. It hurt that Buffy was gone. Hurt that if Faith hadn't fucked up, she might have been able to help her. Might have been able to do something, kill whatever big bad was after Dawn.

She still didn't know the full story, but she didn't want to. Buffy had died to save Dawn. That was all she needed to know. That was all she thought she needed to know, until three months after Buffy died, Faith received a visitor.

"Hi, how was Sri Lanka?" she asked, shifting to get comfortable in the seat.

"Demon monks," Angel answered.

"Huh," Faith nodded, then noticed Angel's wide grin. Something was definitely wrong with this picture. "What's happened?"

"She's back," he said.

"What?"

"Buffy. She's back. I just got off the phone with her. I'm on the way to see her now. I wanted you to know. Wes said he thought you were taking it hard."

"Yeah, well," she answered, feeling as though she might float away as the grief evaporated, leaving her tingling and light headed with relief.

"I never thought…" he said, beaming, "I thought she was gone forever. I thought I'd never see her again."

"How?" Faith asked, bemused. "The Powers? What? How is she alive?"

"Willow brought her back," Angel explained hastily. "God, I can't wait to see her."

"Then what are you doing here?" Faith smiled.

"I wanted to tell someone the good news," he grinned.

"Well, now I know. So get going, big guy. The lady awaits."

He started to get up, when she suddenly pressed a hand into the glass, with such speed that a guard touched her shoulder in caution. She leaned back in the chair as Angel lifted the phone again.

"What is it, Faith?"

"Tell her… Tell her I said hi," Faith chuckled and shook her head. "No, that's lame. Tell her… I'm glad. That she's back. It's a good thing."

Angel smiled. He understood what she was saying.

"I'll tell her that. Let her know how you're doing. I think she'd like to know you're getting along ok."

"Yeah," Faith nodded slowly, not believing him one little bit. "So… what are you still doing here?"

He shrugged, grinned and replaced the phone, turning even as he did it and striding out in the time it took her to blink.

But Faith took her time, her entire body heavy as she stood and shuffled back to her cell.

"So, you're back, huh, B?" Faith muttered, staring at the ceiling. "Why am I not surprised?"

Buffy's face grinned at her in her mind. Head thrown back in laughter. She always had the last laugh, she always won. She even beat Death. Faith had to admire the girl, always fought back, never backed down.

Always came back.

"The comeback Queen, Faith, that's me!"

And Faith chuckled as she rolled over, smiling as she fell asleep and slept the whole way through for the first time in a long while.