For Gibson Carlson, known as Gibby, she was scary and brutal, but a reliable friend, that often defended him when anyone different than her was picking on him. For Spencer Shay, Carly's brother, she was like a little sister and brother in one person. He could do all the things he wanted to do with a little brother.
Then, there was Fredward Benson, known as Freddie. To him, Sam manifested many things. She had been his childhood frenemy, which he always kind of hated but never really did. She had changed him, pretty much. He had made his way from a wispy geek to one of the most popular boys in the entire school, who could respond easily to nearly every insult that was said. He had grown a man, thanks to her. She had been his first kiss and from that point on, Freddie had started to realize, that Sam Puckett wasn't as bad as she always said she was.
Now, at the age of seventeen, Sam was (probably) one of the most self-confident and bad-ass girls in the entire world. It was seriously hard to believe, someone could make that connection, but if not Sam Puckett, who else?
All the more, Freddie was shocked one day, when he walked into the empty hallway on his way back to class from a VideoClub meeting one afternoon, seeing Sam sitting in front of her locker, her head resting on her knees.
Freddie looked around, if his A/V-mates were following him, but he had left early, because of the iCarly-rehearsal this afternoon. He slowed down, approaching her carefully. She could be a hell of a woman if you got her wrong.
"Sam?" She stiffened and her head shot up, her blonde curls flying around as she turned hysterically. Some strands were sticking to her wet cheeks, although she had tried to dry them. The shock in her eyes decreased when she realized who had found her. "Benson..." her body loosened up, but she turned her head around and was still brushing away her tears.
"Sam... wh-what's wrong?... Are you okay?" Freddie asked worriedly, gliding down next to her. "Yeah, it's all good," she said, facing him with a shaky smile. "Sam..." Freddie saw through her facade, which wasn't actually very hard to do, because fresh tears were already rolling down her cheeks. He cocked an eyebrow. She frowned.
"Fine, it's not all good. But it's okay, I can handle it."
"That's why you're sitting in SCHOOL all by yourself, crying in an empty hallway. Oh please." "Tse, why do you even care?! Remember? We hate each other," she exploded, "I'm the bad one your mommy never ever wants you to play with! I'm the badass you should not associate with! Don't you get that into your head?! I AM BAD FOR YOU, BENSON!" The brown-eyed boy looked at her in shock. What was wrong with her all the sudden?! Only 2 hours earlier he had seen her laughing and chewing her beloved bacon, but now? Getting over his shock, he thought whether to shut up and leave or to let his temper handle this and respond to her childish outbreak. The second he had waited was too long, because Sam attacked him again.
"What are you waiting for, Benson?! Your Mommy's picking you up, isn't she?! So get the hell out of here and leave me alone!"
His temper got him now, so Freddie shot back. "Oh, shut up, Puckette! You're not the one to tell me were to go and were to stay, 'kay?! What is your damn problem, that you scream at people who are your friends and want to comfort you?!" Sam's eyes became slits. She growled at him.
Freddie sighed and got up. "Tell me when you're normal again." He said and left the building, leaving Sam behind, biting her lip and letting her head sink on her knees once more.
During rehearsels Sam was only physically present and unusually quiet. Freddie was still a bit upset but after a while, his worries were more serious than anything else.
"Okay, that's it, I guess," Carly announced after they played the random-dancing-song, "Sam, wanna hang out for a bit?" The blonde didn't react. "Sam?"
"Wha- what?! What is it, Carls?" "Wanna hang out for a bit?" Carly repeated.
"Ah, naaa thanks Carls, I think I'm heading home. My Mom's gonna kill the cat otherwise..."
"Sam... You don't have a cat."
"The neighbours cat, because it's meooowww-ing all the time."
Freddie knew it was a lie. So he texted her.
From: Duckface
Fireescape, 10pm?
Sam sighed as she read the message. She knew she couldn't fool him AND he wasn't going to leave her alone, so she had no chance but to text back.
From: Demon
k.
~Made a wrong turn, once or twice Dug my way out, blood and fire Bad decisions, that's alright Welcome to my silly life~
They met where their first kiss had tied them toghether in a way that neither could have planned. The blonde stepped through the windows into the cold Seattle night air. Of course, there he sat. The brunette boy with his chocolate eyes and a night blue shirt that seemed almost black. The stars were already twinkling above them.
Sam breathed in deeply and eventually looked at the boy in front of her. "What?"
His head shot up and he turned around.
"Sam." He smiled at her and leaned back at the railing.
Her eyebrows shot up.
Freddie sighed.
"What's wrong?" he asked almost sad.
"What do you mean?" She was playing dumb and she knew she was not playing it very good, but anyways, it was buying her time to think about what to say next.
"You know exactely what I mean." She groaned.
"I was in a bad mood, all right?" It was Freddies turn to raise his eyebrows. "In a REALLY bad mood."
The brunette boy looked at her long and sharp.
"Sam, I know you. What happened today was more than one of your moods. Will you tell me what is going on with you momentarily?"
Sam looked at him. He didn't know, did he? Well, he COULD know. But on the other hand he was a naive and stupid boy at times.
"It's nothing, I'm all right. Just a bad mood, I'm telling you." Sam said, trying desperately to convince the person that usually knew her better than herself. Freddie looked at her again.
"You can talk to me anytime you want, if there's anything bothering you." he took two steps closer to her, "you know that, right?"
She looked up at him. She could always drown in those eyes. Then she sighed. "Yes, of course, I know, Freddie." He held her in his gaze for a few more moments, then Freddie sighed.
"All right then."
"Can I go now?" He shrugged and scratched his neck.
~Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down~
In school she saw him again. But he didn't see her. He was with Carly. Again. Sam swallowed hard. She knew he said they were just friends, but after all she was his first crush and would always be. Could she really fight against this fact?
She steadied herself. *Don't chicken, Puckette,* she thought and walked up to them. "Hey, Carlotta, Fredweird."
"Hey Sam." Carly beamed. "Puckette." Freddie nodded. "Freddie has some awesome new ideas for this week's iCarly." Carly smiled, then looked at Freddie and giggled.
Sam smiled half heartedly. What a great start of the day.
~Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated Look, I'm still around~
The whole day over she smiles and laughs at their jokes, she fakes everything. She sees the looks of the other students, they all admire Carly and like Freddie because he's just the boy, well, maybe even the man that does everything right, who is always polite and nice and trustworthy and good-looking and ... she could continue this list for ever and ever. But herself? She didn't wear boys clothes anymore, but still, people didn't see her as a girl. Still as a buddy. A guy. And she knew it. She was the scary, though funny, that much she could accept, tomboyish, brutal third part of the trio. Her hair was messy and not as shiny and perfect as Carly's, her eyes were cold, not as warm as Benson's and her attitude... was not really an attitude at all. She knew she was different and she saw the looks of everyone else, if there were any looks at all. She saw the criticism, the fear and sometimes even the disgust in their eyes. And it hurt. It really hurt her. Mostly, because she could also see the fear and the criticism in HIS eyes. Sam begged the day to be over, so she could crawl into bed and ... well, not cry, Sam Puckett doesn't cry. Whatever it was she would do, she really wanted to do it and leave school where everybody was enchanted by her two best friends.
Bt the day kept becoming longer and longer. It was like gum. Only 2 minutes felt like eons to her. Eons in which she had to face her thoughts about Freddie and Carly and the criticism that everyone and even her conscienceheld ready for her. Eventually, the bell rang and the day ended.
"Hey, Sam, wanna come grad smoothies?" Carly asked sweetly and turned to her after class.
"Nah, thanks, Carls, I'm going home... My mom's crauy, you know?" The excuse was lame and she knew it. Anyways, she just hoped, that her best friend would swallow it and leave her alone. Thankfully, she did. The brunette girl looked funny but then shrugged and turned to Freddie instead.
"You wanna grab some smoothies?" She asked, still sounding confused.
"What?" Freddie seemed to have been in deep thought. "I asked, if you wanted to come and get a smoothie!" Carly repeated, half laughing.
"No, thanks, Carls... My mom... Crazy, you know?" he muttered, not realizing that he was using the same excuse that Sam had used only moments before. "See ya, Carls..." he said and set off. Carly looked after him. What was wrong with her friends today?
~They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time Why do we do that? Why do I do that?~
Freddie hurried out of school. Sam's behaviour really bothered him since the day before. Why had she been so upset?
Freddie knew her better than anyone. Maybe even better than Carly, and he knew that it was definitely not just one of her moods, despite her saying so the night before on the fire escape.
She said she was bad for him. That his mother never wanted him to socialize with her. She was right. They were always fighting and he had gotten vicious due to her. She was the blond headed demon and his mother really didn't want him to socialize with her. But he didn't care. He liked her. They were friends. She was funny, vicious (yes, concerning Sam Puckett, this was a good thing), creative, even intelligent... and beautiful. Freddie stopped dead in his tracks, getting pale. "What?!" he yelled.
*Great, now you've confused yourself, Benson,* he thought, *Beautiful? Did I, Freddie Benson, actually say that about my dearest enemy? ... I'm the weirdest.*
He sighed. But he couldn't deny it.
Sam WAS beautiful. Her long blonde curls, her dazzling blue eyes and her muscular, but tiny figure... *Nyaaaaa, all right, all right, subconscious! Yes, I think Sam's beautiful. So what?!*
And he cared about her. Much.
*Don't overdo it, subconscious...* he warned inwardly.
By the time he got home, his subconscious mind had exhausted him to an extent, that he couldn't bare to face his mother. He could just fall into bed and sleep three days through. He lay down. But sleep was the only thing that did not come. Instead came thoughts about Sam. Sam and her behaviour. And her curls... and her sad eyes... Freddie slapped his hand flat against his forehead. "Oh man, what am I doing?"
But either way he got up, changed into some jeans and a T-Shirt, grabbed his keys and snuck out of the appartment. He knew that he had to confront the blonde again.
~It's enough! I've done all I can think of Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same~
He knocked once. He knocked twice. After about 10 minutes, Pam Puckett opened the door. "WHAT?!" She screamed at him. "Ehm... hello." Freddie said, taken aback by the messed up woman in front of him. "Is Sam there?"
"And you are?" she asked unimpressed, not caring to answer at all.
"F-Freddie Benson, M-Mrs. Puckett." Pam narrowed her eyes. She looked at Freddie for a long moment.
"Did you make my Sammy sad?" she growled. Freddie's brows shot into the air. He hadn't met Pam yet, but Carly must've been right. After the therapy she actually tried to be a better mother. She knew Sam was sad and tried to protect her. Freddie smiled. Now he knew where Sam had her Lioness-instincts of defending people she cared about from.
Pam still stared at him. She narrowed her eyes even more.
"Why are you smiling boy?" she spoke deadly quiet. "I-I just realized how much you two a-are alike." Freddie stumbled. Pam scared him as much as Sam could.
Eventually Pam blinked and stepped back.
"All right. Come in, boy. She's upstairs."
Freddie half-smiled. "Thank you, Mrs. Puckett."
He stepped inside and took a quick look around. The house had a greyish tone all over. The walls, the floor, the kitchen in which he could see from where he was standing. "Did she tell you anything, Mrs. Puckett?" Freddie asked, getting concerned again. Pam shook her head. "No."
"How do you know that she's sad, then?"
Pam smiled sadly. "She did not fight with me. She just said she was sorry if she bothered me and walked upstairs to her room."
Freddie nodded.
"Thank you, Mrs. Puckett."
She nodded. "First floor, third door on the right."
Freddie smiled at her again and left for the stairs.
Standing in front of Sam's door, Freddie swallowed hard. What would he find? Sam, lying curled on her bad? Maybe even crying? Or... worse? Should he really be here right now? His knees trembled. He could use some ale right now...
~The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer~
Eventually, Freddie build up the courage and knocked.
He waited a few seconds. Nothing. The brunette boy gulped and opened the door.
Nothing happened. The door just opened. Nobody jumped in his face or screamed at him or threw anything at him. "Sam?" he asked quietly and pushed the door further open.
Still nothing. Now he really began to worry.
He stepped into the room and looked around.
Sam's room was messy, of course, it was coloured bright green and a wardrobe stood at the opposite side of the room. Beneath it stood apparently a little make-up table with a mirror. At least what used to be a mirror. Now Freddie was looking at ten pictures of himself. The mirror was shattered.
Freddie turned further. Behind the door there was a bed. "Sam?" A pile of blankets was moving on the bed.
"Sam!" A blonde head shot up. She turned her face abruptly from side to side, until her searching gaze found him. Her blue eyes widened in shock. They were framed red.
"Oh Sam..." Freddie took a step closer to her. "Stay away!" she screamed at once.
Freddie flinched. "What?"
"Stay away from me! Get away! Immediately! Leave my house! Who let you even in here?! Didn't you look on your stupid nerd-watch what time it is?!" she yelled at him. He stood there. Shocked. Stunned. What was the matter with her?! But... He checked his watch with a glance. She was right. It was three in the morning. He wondered why Mrs. Puckett hadn't already killed him for knocking this late. Freddie looked at the bulge on the bed that was Sam.
"Fredward, did you not hear me? GET OUT OF HERE!" She screamed. Freddie felt as if he had been slapped square across the face. Did Sam's voice just BREAK at the end of the sentence? He looked at her closely. Her eyes were red, her hair messy. Her cheeks were flushed and she took slow, controlled, trembling breaths. Freddie felt his tension fade. He took another step towards the bed and after that another.
"Benson, I dare you to take one step closer. I will crush you between my fingers, if you come any closer to my bed!"
But Freddie didn't care. He nearly rushed to Sam's side and hugged her tight. She struggled against him and his arms.
"I'm so sorry, Sam."
"Sorry about WHAT?" She pressed through her gritted teeth. "Sorry, that it took me so long to come here and be there for you."
"Frednerd, you have no idea what my problem is, so get the fuck away!" she pushed him off.
Freddie looked at her. Sam could see sorrow and sadness... was he even... hurt? The blonde looked deeper into his eyes, but it had vanished as fast as it had appeared. Sam sighed.
"What do you really want, Freddie?"
~You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead So complicated, look happy, you'll make it! Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game~
She seemed tired. Freddie frowned. "I want you to feel better! I want to make you happy again, I want to see you smile and joke and just be your vicious demonic self again!" He was starting to feel desperate. How could he help her, if she didn't open up to him one bit? Weren't they friends? Sure, they were also enemies, but weren't they friends after all? He thought that he knew her better than anyone, but why couldn't he figure out what her problem was?
Sam suddenly looked at him with such warm, sympathic eyes on him, he almost asked her what he said now.
"It's not that easy..." She whispered. "It's just a stupid girl problem... don't worry about it too much. I'm all right."
"No your not!" Freddie exploded. "You told me you were okay yesterday, but you're not! You're quiet, you're sad, you don't even make fun of me anymore! Please, please, please just tell me what it is that makes you sad, so I can see you happy again!"
Sam looked a little bit shocked at this outburst, but then she smiled slightly and softly pocked her head against his shoulder.
"I'm in love, you know."
Freddie was flabbergasted. His mouth went dry, he felt how the colour left his face. "Okay?" He gulped. "But that's a good thing, where's the problem?"
"I'm all weird and brutal and vicious and have bad grades and no boy would ever like me. They all like Carly best. She's all perfect and soft and like a daffodil!" She knew she told him too much too fast, but she couldn't stop herself. She poured her heart out to him. "The boys think of me like a dude! A buddy! Someone to hang out with, to play baseball or to beat someone up. Not the kind of girl you take to see a romantic movie or to a nice dinner or anything!"
Sam paused and drew another shaky breath. "And the boy I like, likes those daffodil-girls, too... He doesn't like me. He's just too kind to say so. He just has a helping nature... and he's kind and sweet and cute and intelligent..." she sighed. "He's all the things that I'm not." Her voice broke.
Freddie gulped again and then shakily took Sam in his arms. "It's all right, Sammy. I'm sure he'll like you, when you come to know each other better." Again he swallowed hard. "He'd be a stupid man if he didn't like you. And you're not weird and stuff. Well, okay, you are brutal and vicious." She was shaking more as he said that. "Sam." Freddie forced her to look at him. He took a deep breath. "Listen, you may be brutal and vicious, but you are very intelligent! Who could be such a vicious person and never get in trouble for it? You may be brutal, but there are some guys that think that you are self-confident and independent. There are not many girls that can defend themselves with only their bare fists." He brushed away her tear and smiled. "And believe me when I say that, I have felt them more than once on my skin." Sam escaped a tiny smile. "I think, you are perfect, just the way you are. And I would even take you to a fancy dinner, although you might throw the salt shaker after the waiter." He grinned. Sam's eyes had widened.
"D-did I say something wrong?" he asked confused.
"You would?" she asked in a tiny, but hopeful voice. "Well, I meant 'one' would..." he stumbled. "Oh..." Sam looked sad again and lowered her gaze.
~Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel Like you're less than fucking perfect.
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing You're fucking perfect to me!~
"Sam?" She looked up at him.
"Listen, I know it's maybe not the best time..." Freddie trailed off.
"What, Benson? You wanna borrow money from me? I'm broke and you know it!" She build up her facade again, putting the strong girl-image up again.
Freddie looked at her funny. "No, stupid." She laughed. "I love you."
Sam stopped dead in laughing. "Sam? ... Sam! Sam, breathe!" She started coughing. "Are, are you kidding me, Benson?" She choked. "I'm telling you my biggest secret and you make fun of me?!" She punched him on the shoulder.
Freddie looked at her. He managed a half-smile and hoped it could cover his true feelings.
His half-smile.
Sam looked at him. His half-smile couldn't cover the sad look in his eyes. Not from her. She knew him better than anyone. Confused and also surprised she looked up at him.
"You are serious." It was not a question. It was a realization. Freddie gulped. "I'm sorry..." Sam started.
"No, I'm sorry," Freddie intercepted, "I just wanted to show you that some boys really like you the way you are. It's obvious that I'm not your type, that's okay, I'm nerdy, I'm weak, I'm everything you don't look for in a boy... I don't want to bother you any longer, I'm gonna -"
This time he was intercepted.
Sam had cupped his cheeks and crushed her lips against his. It was a long, but not a deep kiss. Not sweet, not passionate. Just a forceful, long pressing together of lips. But it meant everything.
~You're perfect to me.~